Ep 98 The Question Behind the Question- How to Hear What Your Client Actually Needs (Not Just What They're Asking)

When your client asks, "Should I leave my job?" — that's not really what they're asking.

Chances are, underneath that question is something else. Maybe it's "Am I allowed to want something different?" or "Will I be okay if I take this risk?" or "Do you think I'm capable of more?"

The same is true when a client asks, "What do you think I should do?" They're rarely asking for your opinion. They're asking for permission. Or reassurance. Or help trusting themselves.

The best coaching happens when you stop answering the surface question and start responding to what's underneath. This is the skill that separates good coaches from great ones — and it's something you can develop with intention and practice.

In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on how I listen for the question behind the question, the common patterns I've noticed after 15 years of coaching, and how to respond in a way that actually moves your clients forward. We're also going deeper into the big existential questions that often hide underneath the practical ones — questions about identity, values, purpose, and who your clients are without their labels.

In this episode, I cover:

• Why answering the surface question often misses the moment
• Why most coaches miss what's underneath (and how to change that)
• How to hear the real question: slowing down, listening for energy, trusting your gut
• Common patterns: what clients are usually really asking when they say "What should I do?" or "Am I being too much?" or "Should I stay or go?"
• The deeper questions about identity, values, and purpose — "Who am I without my labels?" and "What do I actually want?"
• How to respond to the real question with gentleness and curiosity
• What to do when you get it wrong
• What this kind of listening requires of you as a coach
• The connection between confidence and skill — and why practice matters
• How to go deeper with the Confident Coaching Skills Intensive — self-guided or with a live cohort

Resources & Links:

• The Confident Coaching Skills Intensive — now available self-guided HERE
• Interested in a private CCSI cohort for your group? Email me at [email protected]
• Business Building Support— INFO HERE