Ep. 87 Why Lowering Your Expectations of Others Can Save Your Relationships

We all do it — we expect people to show up for us the way we show up for them. But what happens when they don't? In this episode of ProblemSolvHer Podcast, Chloe and Dagmar dig into the expectations we quietly place on the people around us — partners, parents, siblings, friends, and even our communities — and why those unspoken expectations so often lead to disappointment.

Chloe explains why she keeps her expectations of others low while holding herself to a much higher standard, and shares the moment she realized she'd been quietly testing an ex-boyfriend's effort. Dagmar opens up about the frustration of being the one who always reaches out, only to be told "I missed you" by someone who went silent for weeks. Together they explore how childhood, culture, and community shape what we expect from the people in our lives, why rejection gets easier with practice, and why choosing love over fear changes everything.

What You'll Learn

• Why keeping expectations of others low (and expectations of yourself high) can protect your peace
• The difference between a "running tab" mentality and true reciprocity in relationships
• How community and culture — from German villages to Jamaican parishes — quietly shape what we expect from each other
• Why close, "ride or die" relationships come with a higher (but healthy) bar
• How learning to handle rejection early in life builds resilience later on
• Why choosing love over fear changes how you show up for others

Timestamps & Chapters

(Episode runtime: 21:43)

• 00:00 Welcome to ProblemSolvHer 
• 00:51 Today's topic: Expectations of people around us 
• 00:54 Chloe: keeping expectations of others low, expectations of yourself high 
• 03:36 Dagmar: relying on expectations to be happy — and getting disappointed 
• 05:20 Texting vs. calling, and Chloe's story about reconnecting with her "sister" 
• 07:25 Why your inner circle earns a higher (but healthy) expectation 
• 08:26 Expectations with parents — and why Chloe doesn't keep score 
• 09:38 When you show up for people who don't show up for you 
• 10:05 Societal expectations — growing up in German villages 
• 11:23 Jamaica's drinking culture and the pressure to say yes 
• 11:49 Community expectations in Chloe's hometown, San San, Jamaica 
• 13:56 Learning to handle disappointment and rejection 
• 13:56 Chloe's dad putting her on the phones at 12 years old 
• 16:15 Why trolls and internet criticism don't faze her anymore 
• 16:40 Dagmar on fear holding people back 
• 16:57 Fear vs. a healthy ego, and Chloe's dad and brother 
• 18:38 Growing up in Jamaica, Bob Marley, and choosing love over fear 
• 20:54 Choosing your nervous system: fear vs. calm, peace, and love 
• 21:32 Chloe's takeaway: a world without expectations 
• 21:43 Dagmar's takeaway: choose your own truth about expectations

🔎 Resources

• 🎯 Create Meaning & Monetize Your Expertise
  Turn your experience into an online brand and income stream. Start by clarifying a monetizable niche and mapping your next step.
  Book your Quick Strategy Call (15 min) with Dagmar Gatell, Founder & Visibility Architect of From Here AI
  
  
• 💫 Coaching for Women Ready to Own Their Voice
  Lead with clarity and confidence. No more second-guessing — it’s time to lead with power!
  Book a Clarity Call with Chloe to reset your mindset and align your next move with who you are.

Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It reflects personal experiences and opinions, and is not intended as medical, mental health, legal, or financial advice. Please consult a licensed professional for advice specific to your circumstances.

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