Ep. 70 Reinventing Your Body Image After 40 💛

0:00Hello everybody and welcome to Problem Solve Her podcast. I'm your co-host Chloe, along with my girl, Dagma, Dagwellers in the house, Chloe's in the house. Guys, thank you for joining us today, whether you're listening in your car or you're watching on the YouTube or you might be scrolling on social media on Problem Solve Her and on Instagram or maybe you're on our website, problemsolveher.com or you might have found us on TikTok, the Hutzpagirl. This is a really fun, cool, open space for people to share their stories and their experiences and to, as we say, to make a big each other up and to give self-empowerment and independence and self-worth and confidence. And Dagwell and I like to have fun and we just want to share our stories because we have some pretty good ones to share. Right, Daggy? Absolutely. What are we doing today? Today? Today?

1:00Today? Today? Oh. Is reinventing body image? Ooh. I mean, let's not explain what body image is. Well, first of all, when I was younger, this topic would be like, I already be sweating, right? It's different for men and women and I have to explain why. First of all, men have different metabolism than women. They can eat and drink a lot more than females can. Our bodies are built differently. They metabolize differently. They can shed quicker than we kind of in terms of power and fat and all these things and they can drink beer all day and then go for a run and be fine the next day. Women are different. We have hormones. Our body changes. We have periods, paramedics, menopause, all kinds of things that go on that men don't have to deal with. So specifically for women, when it comes to body image, I remember and I'll never forget this. When I first got my menstrual, I got it very young. I was in sixth grade and my body changed very quickly.

2:01I was in sixth grade. That's 11 years old and it changed like this, like overnight. When you're young, you wear what's called feminine napkins. I'm going to be politically corrupt in the way I say them. Feminine napkins. I was so nervous and I was like, I can't go into 7-11 and all my neighbors are going to see me and the cute guys that have the sports and all that. So I would drive down to 7-11 and I was like, and now I'm 14, I'd be like, Dad, go in there. This is the brand. Get always. Go inside. I'm going to get a slurpee and I'm going to wait for you. Go grab them and bring them to the counter. I was so embarrassed about my body being bloated and anyone seeing me today. I had this experience last month and it came to me this memory and there was this gorgeous guy. I was in Walgreens and he was behind me and I had like three packs of maxi pads, two things with him and I didn't even think about it and I was bloated and I was like hot and sweating and whatever. So I think the body image is down to the individual and there are some women that are genetically

3:05blessed with a body they're born with and never changes. They have the same frame, you're probably like that because you have a slim frame, you've always have the same body. So for you, it's great because your body hasn't changed so the image of it isn't distorted. I'm the kind of person as a Jewish girl whose body changes a lot when I was 14 and we went to the Boca Raton Beach Club and Resort for Passover and I was already very developed because my menstrual came at 11 and I had on a bikini and I was, I was, I looked more like I was in high school. My body did and these boys came up to me and they were in college on a spring break because it's the same time as Passover they said, hey, you want to come with us as party tonight my dad came up and said, let me ask you a question. How old do you think my daughter is? Oh, like 17. She's 14, she's an eighth grade and they were like, and I remember thinking my body image was like, so felt really, I felt confident because like college guys, but I was old enough

4:07to go to a party based on what I looked like and then in high school, you know, that's when your menstrual starts and the cramps and all these things and your body much changes and then in college it changes and then your 20s, I think and I think at this point in my life, I've just learned that love yourself, your body, you can always work a little bit harder. You can always put the dessert down because dad, Mark, you're like me, you love desserts. And I think it's good for a woman from a woman's perspective to have a healthy body image. What do you think? That's cool. I want for us to read something for our international listeners because we have listeners from all continents because the body image is something different for Americans as for Europeans. So body image from more an American perspective is the subjective might eat, mentional and dynamic mental picture of a person holds up their own physical self and compassing thoughts,

5:10feelings, perceptions and behaviors regarding their appearance. And I wanted to share that because growing up in Germany, there is no one. This is how a German short look to look good in the German perspective. Perhaps from the outside, perhaps many countries or cultures think that typical German is blonde and blue eyes, which is not true. So growing up in Germany, I was more about feeling good as looking in a specific way. So if you had your hair nicely done, you had a nice outfit on, perhaps you had a little bit makeup on and your skin looks fresh and youthful, and perhaps you looked a little bit tan, then you were seen as pretty, right? And that's how I grew up and that was my mindset. So I really felt pretty on my life and then I moved to Miami and then I felt like the

6:10Ashmate in Cinderella because you look left and right and there are models everywhere. The most gorgeous women who looked like actresses or models and they were just housewives or had business or a job, but they all look like, oh my god. And that really affected how I saw myself, how I saw my body image before I saw myself because all you look cute and you look pretty. And then I started making comparison, right, to a very specific body image, like perhaps more in Miami or in South Florida, it's perhaps more tan and makeup and really like beautiful body shapes and long hair, blonde hair, black hair. And it affected me immensely, like it really deep affected my core and it and it took me by accident, right, didn't expect that at all that I would film this way.

7:12And really that was one of the decisions I didn't want to live in South Florida because I got so judged by how I looked and not how I thought or who I was or my credentials or my skills or my knowledge or whatever. Well, I have a lot of responses. One is, I want to go back to what you just read, the American definition, shall we call it? Yeah, the American definition about how you perceive your own appearance. That was really the stories that I had just told you, right? That was exactly that. And you're right. It is different. And all cultures are going to have a different idea of body image in Europe. And I've noticed this because I've been gone to Europe since I was a child, especially in Italy, in Spain, in France, it doesn't matter what size or shape you are, all women wear bikini in the Mediterranean. And they work it. Everybody tight. They don't care from big to small. They're so confident and there's something sexy about that.

8:13And there are guys that like all different shapes because of that. And I think that that's a blessing that women of all shapes and sizes are confident. And they shouldn't be because some people like starting things, just like when you go into the ice cream shop, everyone's not going to order chocolate and they're not going to order vanilla, someone's pistachio, someone's Oreos and cookies and cream. And that's okay. But the whole thing about the body image where it can go wrong is about like what you were saying is when we start to feel bad, bad ourselves because we're seeing all these women. And I don't want, I have to say this correctly because I don't want anyone to cancel me. But the women, because I lived in Miami years ago. The women that you were seeing, because those were the housewives of Miami on all those shows and their narrowed plastic surgeons, a lot of those women have had a lot of surgery as in their face and their body and their boobs and their, but their tukas, as we say. And I knew some of them. For me, the most beautiful women in the world are natural.

9:15Growing up in the third world country in the island of Jamaica, similar to Europe, I would see women of all different shapes and sizes on the beaches, on the Caribbean sea there. And they all had so much confidence. And I would see different guys go up to every single different type of a woman because they all had so much confidence. There's something about natural beauty that brings us to like organic and you and I don't really wear makeup. All I need is a tan on my face, wash my hair, a little lip gloss on the scalp. That's it. I'm not getting into the pounds of the makeups and the concealers and the eyes like all these things. It's okay. Everyone should do what works best for them. But I find in terms of a body image, so to speak, I find all women beautiful, first of all. And I love men, the Brad Pitt to the world and the Idris Alba's and the Ben Affleck's of the world. Women should be confident in their own skin. Some women, like myself, I fluctuated. And again, Jewish women have different bodies or metabolism, they're a little bit slower. Ashkenazi Jews, it's known fact, look it up. I have my Russian grandmother's, well, she's Ukrainian, her broad shoulders.

10:17I don't have narrowed shoulders like my mom was Polish and Austrian. I have the Russian, Romanian, all that Eastern block, Jewish, Sephardic blood and Ashkenazi and me where I have a, I have a broader, you know, and when I was younger, I put on a bathing suit and I go, oh my God, I'm a broad and one of my friends had one day. I have the tiny little shoulders. I'm like a little girl. I wish I had like you, you're like a zoptic, full-figured. I love your broad shoulders. You're sexy and I was like, I was like, thanks, girl. And ever since then, I was like, yeah, let me work my shoulders, you know, I like my arms. But, you know, we all are going to have perceived notions about our body. But to argue, you're beautiful inside it out. And the women that you were seeing were not natural, like you, sorry, but they weren't. And they'll be happy to say too. Thank you, sweetie. And just had two more thoughts about that where I reinvented myself, cause of a body image. You reminded me as I showed you my picture from where I wasn't like in my middle of my

11:17thirties with my partner then and how I looked and it's definitely when you get older because how you, especially how your face is changing and creating shadows, right? That's what happens. So from always wherever I went to, all my life until 50, everybody thought I'm 10 years younger, always, because I guess this process of creating the shadows with whatever wrinkles for the skin is getting loose or fallen or whatever. And I always had, and it makes you internally happy, right? If somebody guesses your age and you're 10 years younger and it's not, it's not about anything negative is just why not? And then as the time started, as I was 50 and then older, nobody thought anymore. I'm 10 years younger, right? They came not close to my age, but it was only like two, three, four, that's five years,

12:18but not 10 anymore. And you're so used to 10 years, right? I know, but even someone thinking that you're five years younger than you are is a really nice compliment. So, but it's the body image you have of yourself and it's not just how you look, it's also, it's also, are you seen as youthful or not? And now I can see it on myself. When I have good days and I'm relaxed, think positive, my, my, my facial expressions, how my face is the, the less shadows I have, the more useful do I look. If I feel heavy, I have a lot of stress and worries, a lot of stuff going on, while I'm not drinking enough water, then I already, I can see my mum's face now. And first I was shocked, who wants to be, who wants to look older, like I'm getting older anyway? Great. And my, my thought process, my mind, will stay useful forever because that's just how I am. But when you look in the mirror and you suddenly see your mum and you will, I look really

13:20close to my mum now, how my mum looked with 50, 60. So first I was shocked, I'm, oh my god, I'm getting older now. And then I focused on the positive emotions I have about that, like, I love my mum. Now I look like my mum, that's beautiful, like unfortunately my dad is already gone too, it's just my little sister, but I can recognize it and that's enough. And then the other thing, what I'm, what I'm telling myself and believing in it, clearly I worked hard for, hard for, to get to this point in my life, to have my age, to have my experience, to have my knowledge, not making the old dumb things anymore. I did because I thought, help a rescuer, caregiver, you need to be a good girl, that's what you do. Now I feel like I have to free them, right, to be myself. So when I look now in the mirror, I see myself, I saw the outside person I am today, it hasn't changed that I feel useful inside, but now above accepting when I look in the

14:26mirror, that it is what it is, I started loving myself when I look in the mirror, yeah, you worked hard for that, I'm proud of you girl. You go girl, you go girl, absolutely. I love that and I love that for you in the, you found positive in aging. I think that it's one of the things we all have to accept. We all want to be immorinal, so I'm still a neighbor, people think I'm 10 years younger. I don't know how much longer that's going to last, trust me. Actually my neighbor thought I was even like, I was like, come on, I mean, I like, are you, are you, you need to put glasses on? I mean, I'm 40 forever, but I love what you said in terms of, you know, my God, I'm looking like my mom, but I love my mom and I see my mom and my dad, my aunt a lot sometimes, my cousin who's older than me, she's about to turn 60. I think when you accept aging, and it's not that I haven't accepted it, I just like being around younger people, I date younger guys, I'm an agent, I like everything young around me because it makes me feel youthful, but like you, my mind is always going to be youthful.

15:28I mean, you know, my dad, my dad thinks he's like 40, you know, and he's in his, that is 40. I know. But remember, the chronological number is only what's on your passport and your license. And when you go to the doctor and they ask you questions, when you get to a certain age and you feel like you've fully matured and you're happy with who you are as an individual, you become more sophisticated as a woman, I feel that I'm becoming more sophisticated. And younger people are looking to me for advice and questions and, you know, to coach and all these things. And I go, you know what, there's some, there's some beauty in that, right? So the image of your body and your face and your skin and all these things will change over time. But as long as you keep it all in perspective, right? Because if we're healthy, it doesn't really matter. It's all about being healthy. If your body's healthy and, you know, you don't have any ailments, then you have to just accept that every year, no matter what, that birthday is coming.

16:31And where this is not Benjamin Button, where Brad Pitt aged backwards in the movie, we're going up, okay? And it's okay reinventing your body image and your self image and your self worth is so important as humans. And again, I have to represent the females. We have to empower each other and one another. I'm all about female empowerment. I love when a woman, she might not even be a good friend of yours. Maybe she's a new friend and I have a new neighbor now. She's 38 and her name is Chloe also. She lives down the hall for me. And she said something to me the other day and she asked me for a favor. And I said, I got you, girl, girl, power all the time. I'm female empowerment all day long. And she's like, that's so sweet. I don't even know what you're doing. I go, we're both Chloe sticks together. We're good. Female to female always look out for each other. And she was like, I wish more women thought like that. And I'm like, they do. You just have to surround yourself with the right ones, right? There are some women that are just haters on other women because they're just jealous and they're insulting you and better. I call them little salt boxes. Or there are females that are just like, they gravitate towards strong independent women

17:33and women that are confident and women that know they're worth and who they are. And they just, they want to be around that energy. And I think it's really important to find that within yourself. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. There's one last topic I would like to share about reinventing body image. And I think it's, um, it was not a moment for me because I, I never had to think about losing weight. I like, I had my weights and I was good for you. Because I had to, many times. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That makes sense. I had my same body, my same weights since I'm 16's body. That was never like body image body wise, right? I was good, like all of my friends wanted to lose weight and it was hard and everything. And then I had a break up and when I have relationship breakups, no matter if I break up or relationship is great, I lose weight because I have no appetite.

18:35I have no appetite and in my breakups before, let's say I lost like, whatever, let's say 10 pounds, right? So and I just felt, oh, I look better. Look, all my, my set areas, they are gone and oh, I look better, I feel better and that's cool. But this time, I lost 30 pounds. Wow. And I look like, yeah, if I lost 30 pounds, I would be skinny. So I lost 30 pounds, you could see my bones, like there was barely flesh left and I was the first time I live. I could really resonate with my friends who looked in the mirror and they had more pounds than they wish and they didn't see themselves. I didn't see myself anymore. I looked in the mirror and I'm like, oh, my God, do I still exist? There is more, more bones than anything else. And that was hard for me, hard than eat more protein and eat more good things to build

19:37muscle because I lost muscle than two, right? To build muscle and to build weight while no sugar, no gluten, trying to be vegan. And that was a hard, hard journey. Thanks God. I'm not on it anymore. Took me a long time, took me at least two years to get back. Long time, two years again, all the, all the 30 pounds back. I have 20 more and whatever I now know, gluten, no sugar as much as possible, right? I don't say never, gluten and never sugar. But it took me a long time to look in the mirror again and find myself. So I just wanted to share that because one thing is for sure the beauty, right? We all want to look youthful and beautiful and strive and vibrant. But the other thing is really the body mass itself, right? And that it really whoever childs me, it's easy, peasy now to gain weight when you don't

20:40have that in your body that you can easily gain it from the good stuff, not from the bad stuff. I can gain weight from the bad stuff, but then you have all the help issues. Right. I think sugar and fat and all that. Yeah. But then you have issues, okay, go to your gained weight, but then you have issues, have a bad cholesterol, a sugar, a fat else, diabetes, whatever else, there's nothing. What I learned, that's my takeaway for today. If I can create positive thoughts and I catch myself when I think negatively, because when I think negatively, I want the bad stuff, I want sugar. I want to donate or pretzels. I love a good dog. I love a hot donut right out of the oven. So for me, really, reinventing body image was a lot and is still focused on positive thoughts. Instead of eating a donut and focusing on building my website, following my passion, doing what I love a little bit to distract me, right, so that I don't think of the donut anymore.

21:43But also to lose the desire of having a magic button, an immediate satisfaction with something right now, because if I eat one donut, it's not enough. Like I can eat donuts, like donuts endlessly. So like donuts. So reinventing is really making a decision that you don't like the body image mentally, physically, emotionally, right, making a decision what you like. That you want and then focusing on building it and then you feel like you're going in another direction, creating the awareness to stop yourself and perhaps to allow you to cheat sometimes because I need that. I need to be able to cheat sometimes. Sometimes if I want a donut, I want a donut, don't tell me about positive energy then I want a donut and after I have my donut, then I can think about positive energy again. But I don't make it a habit anymore whenever I feel like I need a donut to give in and

22:46eat a donut. Doesn't make sense? Absolutely. I agree with everything you just said and my takeaway for reinventing your body image is everything in moderation, if you can, it's so difficult, but not when you're invocating. So don't even bother, okay, because you're just going to torture yourself. Everything in moderation and look at the mirror and just say, I love you, you're fabulous. That's my takeaway. I love you. You're fabulous. I love you to your fabulous and we thank you and we hear you and we see you, everyone. And we love you. Please subscribe on YouTube and join us on Apple and Spotify and wherever you are on social media. Bye everybody. Don't forget to subscribe for our next reinvention story. Bye everybody. Ciao. Just a quick note before we end. This conversation is for inspiration and power meant only. It's not medical, mental health or legal advice. We are not doctors, therapists or lawyers.

23:48Just women sharing real stories and personal truth. Are we seek professional guidance for your unique situation?