Ep. 397 - Why Your Nervous System Is Blocking Your Manifestation with Sarah Baldwin

0:00The nervous system is the foundation of everything. It's the vehicle to unlock the life that we're wanting. How do you step towards the things that you want? Regulate and befriend your nervous system. Show it, not tell it that the life you want is safe. We do those things. The life you want is right there on the other side. You have likely heard about nervous system regulation. Maybe you are familiar with the importance of it, how it may be blocking your manifestations. But in this episode, we're going to really go into depth of how our nervous system is impacting our blocks, our manifestations, and why it is creating self-sabotage in the things that we truly want. Nervous system regulation is something that we've been talking about at TBM for years. There is a reason that we have nervous system regulating tools at the top of all of our deep imaginings. It is why we started working with Janelle Nelson, a somatic practitioner to bring a lot of these tools into it. Because if our body is not online with our goals, then we're not going

1:03to reach our manifestations. And in this episode today, I am so excited for guest Sarah Baldwin. She's a somatic experiencing practitioner who is versed in internal family systems, nervous system work, healing modalities, trauma therapy. And she breaks down exactly what is happening in our manifestation blocks so clearly when it comes to our nervous system and how to start loving on the parts of us, how to be gentle with those parts that are blocking us with those narratives with those stories. In the episode, she touches on a segment around how to converse with those parts. If you're looking for a tool to do this within the TBM work, stick around to the end of the episode. And I'll give you some tips. And I also just want to flag that we were so excited to record this episode that the first 10 minutes or so a computer fan got in the way of a little bit of the audio. And we eventually got it to resolve. But typically we'd cut that out of an

2:07episode. We felt like it was so good and so spot on, especially to the manifestation work. So bear with us for the audio in the first 10 minutes. But what Sarah saying is just so potent. You will be quoting this episode. You will be returning to it. It is the medicine. It is the nervous system bomb for everyone right now, especially with so much going on in the world. And thinking about how do I even have space for goodness in my life? This episode is going to be it. Sarah Baldwin, thank you so much for joining us on expanded. You have been on our manifestation list for guests for quite some time. So I'm so excited that this is all aligning. I'm so glad to be here. And I just think our work comes together in such a beautiful way. And a lot of times it's like a quilt, you know, they patchwork where we all need these different things to come together to bring us into your wholeness in life we want. So that makes me just

3:10really excited to be here with you. Our audience is familiar with the term nervous system work. They've heard us talk about regulation. But I think going in today deeper a little bit and how this regulation shows up in our lives, how it really is the thing that is that thread underneath everything of what we're really manifesting from, you know, we like to say at TBM, like you're not manifesting from your conscious thoughts, it's from your subconscious, but your subconscious is so intertwined with your nervous system, like they are one in the same of what's going on down there. And really pulling up from your expertise, what does that all look like? What is the nervous system? How can people start relating to it in a different way? So I know we're going to dive into all of that. But I just have so many questions on this topic for you. Well, this is wildly complex work and what I try to do is to still it down in a way that we can actually understand and digest. And so our nervous system for all intensive purposes is our self-protective system. In learning this work as an expert in this field, when I was reading all the literature

4:12research and science behind it, I really began to cry as I was reading it. I said, this is the most beautiful love poem ever written. And what I do by that is our nervous system, this protective system, it lives subcortically in our body, not connected to the cortical thinking branch. It lives in our body. It has never let us down for one millisecond in our life. People let us down because nobody's perfect. People don't show up for us. People hurt us. Your nervous system has never hurt you. It is never let you down. You are the only person on the entire planet that it cares about. And all that it cares about is making sure that you are safe. What a beautiful thing that is that there's a system inside of you. For everyone listening, it's inside of you. And it loves you. And it loves nobody else but you. And it works night and day. It actually is friends with every organ in your body. It works with every organ system. They're all working together to keep you safe. And the nervous system is like the conductor of it. It says, okay, buddy, we don't think that Sarah

5:17is in safety right now. So what do we need to do to make her protective? So it's our self protective system. That's that's its job. It is looking out every single millisecond of our lives. That's very fast. Thousand of those in a second. This is our threat detector, which lives in our brainstem. This is its job, which is which is the leader of the nervous system. And it looks out and it says, is that safe, dangerous or life threatening? Is that amount of exposure, safe, dangerous, shall I threatening? Is it safe to use your voice? Is it safe to be seen? Is it safe to be known? Is it safe to take up space? Is it safe to rest? Is it safe to have pleasure? Is it safe to receive without suffering? All the things. And down to the details of the way that I'm tilting my head, is it safe, dangerous, or life threatening? The way this person is gazing at me is safe, dangerous, life threatening. So every detail of our lives. Now, I said to side, well, the beautiful thing about every unbroken, perfectly working human that's listening to this right now, you are so exquisite that you have this internal database that lives in your brain. It has every lived experience

6:20inside of it you've ever had. Also lives in our body. You don't have memories. You don't have to remember them. They're all in there. Everything, the good things, the bad things, and the traumatizing things. So when the threat detector looks out into the world, it also looks internally. That's called interception. But when it looks out into the world to see if you're safe or not, the way it decides is by resourcing or looking to your internal database. Now, the threat detector, it doesn't look for identical matches. Those are nice, but it doesn't need an identical match. It can have a flavoring of similarity. So enough of a similarity, it says that's a match. I'm going to give a very simple example of how this works. I, in my front yard, has a beautiful tree, a side of my office. And when I look at that tree, I immediately smile. And I took a deeper breath. And I felt more regulated. We think we want to manifest all these things, which we might want the thing, but you can have all the things in the world that if you don't experiencing them from regulation, you won't be able to enjoy any of them. So when I look at this

7:22tree, all of a sudden, oh, that's so nice. And I feel good, why did that happen? Because a threat detector said, what Intel do we have on nature trees? So it looks to my path. It's going to first look to your child. This is where we began course. And for me, I grew up in a very abusive, dangerous home, no safety there. And I grew up in the middle of the woods in New Hampshire. And the woods was where I found safety. I used to make magical home that would go out into the woods. And that was my only reprieve. And so for my nervous system, bugs are safe, spiders are safe, trees are safe, moss is safe, dirt is safe, everything in nature is yummy and awesome. Because that was a safe refuge. So all it takes, it happens in a millisecond. I look to that and I feel great. Now for a lot of us, even if you didn't have a child with like mine, none of us go to life. I'm scared by all the well-known traumatizing thing. And so the threat detector has three options. Is that safe? Is that dangerous? Or is it life threatening? So if it says that safe,

8:24based on past, what it does is it brings us into something called our ventral vehicle complex. That's what regulation is. And I say this a lot. Regulation is a thing that every person on the planet wants. And they don't know it. Such an unsexy thing to think I want my ventral vehicle complex. They're telling me that's what I want. Now the answer is yes. And the truth is, it's not that we are chronically or always in this state of regulation. We actually wouldn't want that because we would be able to protect ourselves from dangerous things. But that's predominantly there and I know how to be there. When we're in regulation, we experience things like ease, wonder, contentment, fulfillment, curiosity, play, joy, excitement, connection, all the things we want, we're a full self. And not only that, but when we're there, it's as if our nervous system is standing at our side, like this beautiful, brilliant, most loving guards that are standing at our side, ready to do something that they need to, but they're not actively protecting us. And that

9:25means if you think of the visual, if you're seeing this visually or just listening, think about the visual of two guards, there are many guards standing at your side, but I'm exposed. And that means things can come towards me. I can manifest things. I can call things in and I can also go out into the world to go towards the things I want. But I'm not blocked. One of the predominant reasons why so many of us struggle to live, survive, we are called to live is because our nervous system does not yet know that that life is safer. So this is truly the foundation of how we embody and manifest the life we want. So it has to think your nervous system has to believe that the things you want are safe for you. Now think about it. I call this the dangling carrot thing. So what these overs tends to do, every single person I've worked with, the thing we want to know, so we are dangling carrots, like that our soul said, ah, this thing, I want to sing. Those things

10:32are going to require our greatest feelings. So wherein lies your greatest desire lies your greatest feeling. And that's why I need about the sense of humor for the universe because why in the world would we ever step towards this hard stuff of healing? If it wasn't to get towards the thing that that's hunting, I can't put it down. And so whatever your dangling carrot is, more often than not, it has flavoring of things in the past that were even dangerous for it. So when it comes to manifesting the life we want to think about, what does it usually require? Whether it's around the preference of partner, dinner cards just like seeing, seeing, seeing no, taking up things, the next one's important, making them a thing, seeing things wrong, being vulnerable, reaching out to someone and asking for help, seeing me in my phone that's supporting me, helping and many other things. And now a word from our partners. One of the things on my manifestation list this year

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12:40any fatigue. It has botanicals such as mesquite, maca, ashwaganda, astragalis, hemp, burdock, ginger, slippery elm, and chia seeds. What I love about their products is not only are they so clean, sustainably sourced, but each little tonic packs a punch with so many different adaptogens and botanicals in one pouch. And right now, if you want to try any products from Anima Mundi Urbals and their apothecary, you can use code TBM20 for 20% off your purchase. Again, go to Anima Mundi urbals.com and use code TBM20 for 20% off your purchase or check the link in your show notes. The moment though, you go to mobilize towards the thing that you want. The threat detector says, oh, they're actually going towards it. The love of my life is going towards something right now. Let me look to the database. Is it safe? What are they going to do?

13:40Use your voice. Be seen. Take up space. Take risks. Make mistakes. Ask for help. All the different things. Be their full self in the world. That was not safe in the past or it wasn't available for us. What are they doing? Last time we did that, we were abandoned. We were harmed. We were hurt. We are ridiculed. Love was conditional. You had to be, you can't be your full self. You have to be what other people want you to be. This is not going to be okay. Oh my gosh, this is not going to be okay. I don't know what Sarah is doing. She's lost it. I need to stop her. So the threat detector talks to the rest of your nervous system. There are three states of regulation that it has to talk to. Something called your sympathetic nervous system. That's all about mobilizing. Think of it like a cheetah on the run. You have to do something. It goes to second state is your dorsal vega complex. Think about a bear in hibernation. So it's the polar opposite of a cheetah running. This is all about energy conservation. This is where things like apathy, hopelessness, depression, dissociation lives. I'm in a funk. Everything feels impossible. I can't even think. I'm just shutting down. Sympathetic is the opposite. Anxiety, worry,

14:42frustration, fear, terror, rage, racing thoughts, catastrophizing, etc. And then we have this other state called freeze. Think of that like a deer in headlights. And that's two equal and opposite forces come together rendering us stuck. It's like a finger trap. I'm stuck. I have all this sympathetic energy, but I can't do anything. So this is I have to, but I can't. I have to, but I can't. I have to start the thing. I can't start the thing. I have to start the thing. I can't start the thing. So those are the three states that our nervous system protects us with. And it'll choose whichever one that worked in the past to keep us safe because it worked. So anyway, you go towards dating or you go towards wanting to start that business and your nervous system, all the sudden, instead of standing at your side, it stands in front of you. It blocks you. Think of it if a drawbridge came down in front of you. How the heck are you going to get that down? What are you going to do? You can't. It's blocking you. So it blocks you from stepping into the life you want. That's the self protection, the self protection. The result of it brilliantly protecting you

15:43is that you can't step towards the things that you want, but also the things you want can't come towards you. And those are the symptoms of active self protection. So if my nervous system doesn't think that the life I want is safe and I smell because for the majority of us, the things we want are going to replicate something in the past that wasn't entirely available or safe. It will stop you in your tracks. And I used to call this personally the invisible wall. I'm trying so hard. And I'm a really strong will person. I would sit for eight hours, ten hours at my computer. You're going to do this thing and I would go into dysregulation. I'd either go blank, shut down, I need to take a nap, or I'd have all this energy like, oh, I'm wasting time. I have to do this thing. I have 20 tabs out. Which do you start with? Do I start with this? Do I start with this? Do I start with this? And then I would go blank, but I'd be anxious. I have to. I can't. I can't. I have to. I can't. I have to. I can't. I can't. I can't make a decision. I don't know where to start. I'm overwhelmed. And then I go clean the bathroom for the 10th time today. And I'm ordering all this stuff for me. I was on like, what am I doing? Because I'm frozen. And so what's true here is what we have

16:46to do is we have to take the hand of our loving nervous system and say nervous system. I know that you don't think that the life that I want is safe for me. But let me show you that I am safe so that you can rest and I can be free. Let me show you that I am safe so that you can rest and I can be free. Such exquisite love story because when we're regulated, our nervous system is resting. Meaning it doesn't have to work so hard. And we want to rest. That's how you come into health and homeostasis in your body. But it's how you, so if we manifest health in your body, how to do that? Regulate your nervous system. How do you step towards the things that you want? regulate and befriend your nervous system. And when we do that, life opens up in the most miraculous ways. But one important caveat to that is when you come into regulation, when you start to manifest the life you want, it is not going to feel good at first

17:49a lot of the time, which is surprising to people. That is normal. And it's like the metaphor I use is this. Imagine if you were in a dark room for one year, five years, 10 years, and you had the ability to see. But it was so dark. And all you would think about is I just want to go outside and see the sun and the trees. And here's the sounds of birds and kids laughing and people that I love that I can hug. But when you got outside on a sunny day, you would look to the sun and the blue sky and you would close your eyes. And you would say it's too bright. I can't take it all in. And the thing is, everybody, it wouldn't be physiologically possible for you to keep your eyes open at first. At first is the important part of that. You have to build your capacity for your eyes to adjust to more and more light. So the same goes for bringing in the things that we desire. They aren't going to just feel good at first. We have to build our capacity to hold the good.

18:53And we are all holding the amount of good currently that our nervous system has the capacity for. And so I just like to say that because people think like, well, once I get that thing, it's just going to feel great. Oh no, the first time you experience safe love and a romantic partnership, it's going to feel terrifying, overwhelming. Oh my gosh, what is this? And that is a normal part of the process. So it's not just work of, let me show my nervous system that the life I want to manifest is safe. That's a part of it. But it's also let me show my nervous system that the next iteration of what that looks like. The goodness of it is actually for me to receive. Oh my gosh, there's a whole segment that you're talking about is everything to the to be magnetic work and community. Like I really, I feel so seen even hearing this because I'm like, yup, yup, yup, this is so intrinsic to this process. And you know, the way that you talk about them, there's a wall, we talk about them as blocks. When people are, are their relationship

19:58to block so many times can be like, I want to unblock and remove this thing out of my way. So I can get the manifestation. And you have to understand what you're talking about there. Like, you're not trying to get rid of your nervous system. You're not trying to shut it down, disconnect from it, push it aside, ignore it, punch through it. It's the relationship to it. The softening is what is unblocking. That's allowing it to step aside. That's allowing that flow to enter. It's not a relationship of force. It's not a relationship of compartmentalizing. It's not a relationship of becoming something you're not. It's working with what you already are and attuning to it and meeting that need. And I feel like it's such such a missing piece that is not talked about in goal setting and manifestation in up leveling in life in all of these next stages and steps. I mean, how many times have we heard the story of someone who like manifests the greatest

21:00thing? And they're like, it's not that great. Like, I don't feel good here. And it's like, okay, why? This is why. I want to touch in a little bit when you talk about those different states. So I can just feel the audience right now. Think about their manifestation. Think about the thing they're calling in. Okay, what's the story they have around it? There's a lot of daydreamers in here myself included who's like, I love planning. I like drawing out the vision. I'm going to daydream about it. It feels so safe, secure. I feel myself stepping into it. And then when I look at my actual life and what I need to change on a day-to-day basis to step into it, that's where that free shutdown comes in. Like, when it comes to my career and my work with TBM, I feel so at ease with but when it comes to launching like my personal brand, that wall is like, we know safely how to show up with TBM. We figure that out. We're expanding every day. Personal brand. It feels like being back

22:02in high school and bullied by kids again. Like, that's the energy that comes up. What is one thing when we're befriending that nervous system when we're moving out of the day dreaming when we're like, okay, what is the one action they can start to take or way they can start to connect with their nervous system a little bit to just start that softening process? Well, I hope you don't mind that I'm going to give you a really complex answer. Perfect. Because I want everyone listening to understand this this next piece that is an integral puzzle piece if you want this to actually work in and for it to work fast. Is that you brought up something really important? You said it's like I'm back and did you say middle school or high school being bullied? Honestly both but high school freshman year. I'm like vivid picture. That's right. Okay, so I mix a lot of modalities, somatic therapeutic modalities together. I think that they all need each other. We're complex beings and there's not one specific thing. So what I'll say is the nervous system is the foundation

23:07of everything. It's the vehicle to unlock the life that we're wanting. It also creates your whole lived experience, thoughts, perception, experience of self-others in a world around you, sensations, etc. Okay, it's the gatekeeper. There's another piece here though and that is parts work. Very, very, very, very important and I do not think that you can do this work successfully without this puzzle piece. Here's what I mean by that. So our nervous system parts, parts work everyone, internal family systems is a model I use but inner child work they're one in the same. We all have different versions of us. So what that essentially means is we have our adult self that is our numeric age. That's the version of us who resides here in 2026. Now for everyone listening, that's the version of you and you just described this. When you're at working, it was to be magnetic, you are, it sounds like in adult you. You feel usually everybody listening, this is the version of us when we feel like the great Sequoia tree. I am anchored. I am here.

24:10I am present. I know that everyone is deserving of taking up space. Me too. I know everything's going to be okay. I am free to be me. Also, nothing has to be perfect. Everything is going to be okay. I am flowing down the river of life with ease. I feel like my most adult self, highest self, so self, they're all intertwined together. That in internal family systems, terms is called self. I think of this as is our adult self. Now here's what happens in life. None of us, as one of my mentors Peter Levine says, none of us go through life unscathed by trauma. And so what happens is we're going through life. Life is beautiful and hard. And when we experience overwhelming or traumatizing things as we develop, parts of us fragment off of our whole self. So what occurs is, I'm going to use the example of you in high school, so in middle school. So this beautiful, precious, amazing, perfect little girl, because even though teenagers think they're

25:10grown-ups, they're still little kids. This beautiful little girl in being the bright light that she was and shining brightly. Here's what kids do who aren't getting their needs met at home. They project that the only place that they can put their anger or their disappointment is not onto their parents. It wouldn't be safe, especially if they have unsafe homes. So what they do is they put it onto the bright light that is mirroring back to them their own feelings of I'm not good enough. So they found you this beautiful bright light and said, stop poking at the ways in which I don't feel good enough. And I couldn't take this anger out on my parent. So I'm going to take it out on you because I have to do something with this anger and they project it onto you and this precious little girl learned, if I shine really bright and I'm big, I'm my full self, I get hurt. So that's a vulnerable part everybody listening. We have two types of parts, vulnerable parts and protective parts. Now that vulnerable part, even for all of you listening, if you had loving parents

26:15or not loving, but even with loving parents, usually they didn't know how to parent. So what happens? This vulnerable precious girl goes home and even with loving parents, our parents might not know what to do. So they just, you know, let's make cookies or let's go shopping or you're fine honey, you know what they're not doing. They're just doing it because they're hurting. So none of those things actually are giving you what you need. So what happens is that vulnerable part says, oh my gosh, I'm all alone with this. And so in that moment in time, we developed something called an internal protector. And the parts travel in pairs. We have vulnerable parts that were hurt and they're protectors that learn to protect them. The protector says, never again, well, I let you experience that. My love. And so it's tons of different types of protectors. I'll name some because I know some everybody here. You got them protectors. Here's one, a perfectionist. If I'm just perfect and I get everything right, then that part will never get hurt again. So I am hyper vigilant. I'm frozen a lot of the time. I can't complete things because it has to be perfect. It's not perfect. I'm not going to be okay. Another protector striving part. And if I strive, then I'll have some semblance of

27:21love because maybe I'm not getting love at home. So I set a bar. Once I get there, I raise the bar. I don't enjoy it for even one second. And then I set the bar and I raise the bar and I set the bar and raise the bar. It's never enough. It's never enough. That's also being like a workaholic fawning part. I'm just nice all the time. I become whatever I think everyone else wants me to be in order to be safe. A part that shuts us down. I just become really small. And I can't let myself be seen. Dissociative part. I can't even think about the things that I want to do. So those are all protective parts. So guess what occurs. As I say, I'm going to go do like you're saying, I feel this calling my life to do this other thing too. Like a personal brand that's knocking at your soul's knocking at you saying, there's more for you. My love. Guess what? That unfinished business of that sweet 14-year-old who when she shined bright, it wasn't safe. I need to ask you her. And I'm going to give you this carrot to adult. You're the carrot you think it's about that. And yeah, it's sort of about that because that'll help a lot of people in the world. But you know what it's

28:23really about? I need you, this warrior woman, this Linus that you are. I need to you to work hard to get your nervous system regulated. And for you to hold, build your capacity as this warrior, to hold scary stuff because guess what? I'm going to need you to travel back to that 14-year-old in that classroom. I need to adult you to go into that classroom with her. And I'm going to need you to meet her and become the mother, the parent. Even with loving parents, they couldn't do everything. I need you to make up for it and become the parent that part never had. And there are two all of these everybody to being a competent protector. That's what it's called. Number one, you are soft and attuned in loving. You have to feel empathy for these parts of ourselves. Just like Linus would with her cubs, done a lot of research with animals and the system, the nervous system is a mammalian system. And they're soft in loving with their young. So soft, like they're tired from hunting, but yet they don't mind the baby's biting them and they're like,

29:24oh, it's fine, whatever. It's okay, soft in loving. But that's not the only thing Linus is. She is ferociously protective. And that means if anyone gets near her cubs, she will not be afraid of even she will mull you to death happily because her herbs are the most important thing to her, just like the matriarchal elephant. Now, because of that, if you look at baby elephants or baby lion cubs in the wild, they're living in one of the most dangerous places in the world. And yet, those babies are free to be themselves and they are wholly and completely playful. Have you ever seen a baby elephant in the wild? They're just like playing with their trunks and they're like, I'm having the best time. This is a great life or great. Why are they so free to be them? Because their nervous system knows I have an ultimate protector here that no matter what to the death will protect me and is also my refuge for safety. And so you see, when we go to try to step towards and manifest the life of one, this is complex stuff. It's not just our nervous system.

30:25Your nervous system works with your parts. So as adult users, I'm going to go try to step towards that. Your nervous system says, what is this remind me of? Looks to the database. Being 14 and being bullied in school because you want to start a personal brand. That means being seen. In that moment of you trying to step towards that, the 14-year-old, because she's the one being reminded of, inhabits your body. And everyone listening, your nervous systems, call your vagal tone, will reshape to when you were 14 years old. For all intensive purposes, that means on a neuroscience level, you have traveled time. You are no longer in 2026. Adult you is not here. The 14-year-old is. And the 14-year-old is going to feel and experience everything she felt back then. And what's going to happen is adult you is going to say, let's drive towards this thing. Let's do this thing. It's not that hard. What's wrong with you? All the while you don't realize there's a 14-year-old body saying, I'm scared. I don't want to feel that again. It felt like a annihilation. I had nowhere to hide. I had nowhere to go. You don't understand. This is so

31:26scary. I can't do it. And your nervous system says, my love, I know she's not listening. Adult parts, they have a very hard time knowing we're here. But I'm listening. And don't worry. I will not let her do that to you again. So I'll put the drawbridge up. And she won't be able to do it. Thank you. Because that would be so scary and so painful. That's the protective parts putting the drawbridge up. So yes, we have to befriend our nervous system. That's the first step at number two. You have to get to know the parts that are afraid of the life that you're trying to step towards. And there are going to be parts that are afraid of it because something they experience in the past seems similar to them and they are sure it's going to be the same. The protective parts work hand in hand with your nervous system, their friends. So your nervous system's 500 million years old. Pretty ancient. And your protective parts saved your life. Meaning they're very strong. And they're both stronger than you. Stronger than you're strong. So what we have to do very

32:26importantly is we have to, number one, work the muscle of being in our adult self, which I'll help I'll give a tool in just one second on how to do that. What does it feel like to be a don't me? And then I have to get to know my love. My love. Who is the part that is afraid of this life we're going to step into? We have to fall in love with them. And we have to, as we fall in love, we listen to them and we understand why it's so scary. And we apologize. I'm sorry. I was pushing you faster than you were ready. That's the vulnerable part. And then we get to know who's the part that's been keeping me stuck that I've been an absolute asshole to. That's the part I procrastinate where and we beat ourselves up. What the fuck is wrong with me? I suck. No, that's a part. She's probably also 14 and she's lonely, and tired, and she's saved that other part's life. And we have to bow to her and say, I'm sorry that I wasn't here to protect. But I am now. Show these parts that I am the liar, the Linus. And you better believe no people who are harmful or dangerous are ever going to get near

33:27you again over my dead body. And not only that, but this life we're going into, it's for the parts too. They get to have the freedom they never got. And if our parts think that we are trying to use them or manipulate them, you'll never get unstuck, which it's like think about that if you had a kid and they were upset and you're on vacation and you just wanted your teenager to stopping upset. And you said all the right words like you're nice, but they could feel you have an agenda and it's not to make me feel better. It's to for you to have a good time. And so really this work is number one, befriend your nervous system, work with it, show it, not tell it that the life you want to save, befriend it. Number two, get to know the parts that are so afraid of the life that you're wanting to step in. They built a beautiful prison to live inside of and our job as the warrior self, the lion or lion as self is to say, we don't have to live in a prison anymore because I'm here now. You do those things, the life you want is right there on the other side.

34:32It's so beautiful. It gets me emotional like thinking about it even as you were talking. I could feel my parts being like, yeah, okay, thank you. Like they were like softening so much in the moment. This episode of the expanded podcast is brought to you by Wild Green. Wild Green is the first bake from frozen subscription box for sourdough breads, artisanal pastries and fresh pastas. What I love about them is unlike a lot of store brought options. They use simple ingredients you can actually pronounce and everything is made with slow fermentation process, which is easier on digestion and richer in nutrients and antioxidants. You know, I love me a good sourdough. Everything arrives frozen and you just pop it straight into the oven. No thine required and it's ready in 25 minutes or less, which makes it such an easy upgrade to weeknight dinners, slow weekend mornings and even as I'm making my coffee before work. Their boxes are also fully customizable.

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36:39subscription today. That's $30 off your first box and free croissants for life. When you visit wildgrain.com, backslash expanded all caps EXP-A-N-D-E-D and use promo code expanded at checkout or check the link in the show notes for more. It's one of the things that a lot of people in our community, like we have three pillar star manifestation method. One is the unlocking process, doing this inner work, this reparenting. One is the expansion, like seeing other people live it, breathe it, getting those examples, flooding the system, seeing them safe, doing the thing, knowing teaching ourselves that, and then following through and taking that online action. And I think a lot of people take a ton of action and they find a lot of expanders and they may be aware of their blocks. They may consciously be like, yep, okay, it's my 14 year old self got it. But that felt experience

37:39in the body is one of the scariest things, I think, for people to open themselves up to that, especially if there's really traumatic situations that are coming up for people. It feels like Pandora's box. It's like, well, how can I let the steam off? Or how can I attune to this part? But almost there's like a resistance that comes up, which is I don't want to get swallowed by this. So I'm only going to titrate or pull out a tiny bit at a time. What would you say for someone who has a lot of resistance in going in and doing that inner work? Well, and I'll say this to everyone listening is I have some of the worst complex trauma a human could possibly have. For many reasons, in many ways, a miracle that I'm here, it's not really a miracle, it's that I found this work. But things that lasted for decades, a decade and a half. So I say that because I have parts that have experienced some of the most overwhelming traumas that are possible. And the way that we do

38:45this work, I'm going to use it, I speak in a lot of metaphor, so many use another one, I hope that makes sense. Imagine for the listening that all of a sudden knock, knock, knock at your front door and you open the door. And there's this precious little kid, maybe a few, a couple different kids, different ages and they all have little suitcases and they have nowhere else to go but inside your house. And they look just strikingly like you did. And they come into your home and they all the case file from the social worker and you read it and oh my gosh, this is just like my history. And these precious ones are the little use that live inside of your body and get triggered every time they're reminded of something from the past. So for some of that you, that might be you get this little kid in your house and they were preentified. That means that they never got to be a kid. They had to take care of the adults around them. So they're like a little adult and they're looking at you and they're just apologizing all the time too. So oh, sorry, I mean, oh, sorry, lift the light on it. I just shouldn't done it. Are you okay? They ask you ask what they want to eat. Well, what do you want? Whatever you want. It's all okay. Or we have parts that

39:46we're neglected. So they don't know how to ask for help. So when you say, how is your day? They say, it's fine. I'm going to go, I'm just going to go in my room because they don't know how to open other parts that have to get everything right. So they're just working so hard to do that. So anyway, those are all the different, we have many different other types, but just imagine some of those. And you look at their case file and you know some of the really hard things they went through. Like the memories that you have of being humiliated in school, some of the worst ones. Yeah, and you're seeing this little precious girl who just she thinks she's unlovable. She thinks she's, oh, I'm just not as pretty as anybody else. I'm not as smart. I'm pathetic. I just can't get anything right. I wish I was invisible. And you're looking at this beautiful girl. She doesn't know she's beautiful. And so here's what we would never do. What I ever sit down and say, hey, I read about this thing about that thing that happened at school and everyone was laughing at you and then that guy was like, like she done you with your best friend and the nail laughed at you and then no one was your friend and you were just so humiliated. Remember how awful that was? How awful was that? Tell me how awful it was. I want to hear about that. Or hey, to this other part, do you remember when you were abused by your mother or your stepfather or your father and

40:48how awful that was? Remember the terror? Tell me about the terror. I want to hear more about that. No one would ever do that. What would I do? I read that and I would say, oh, she doesn't know how beautiful she is and how lovable. I don't just mean physically how perfect she is and I would say, I'm going to just slowly show her that as she is, is right. I'm going to do it with just with words. I'm going to feel it. So I feel as I look at her, oh, she's so brilliant. I want to know what she thinks because everything is so my god, the way she sees the world. So I might say, hey, what do you think about the way that the trees are growing in the backyard? Are they amazing? The way the branches are like, what do you think about that? We start talking about it and I'm so intrigued by what she thinks about nature and its ability to, you know, I'm like, what do you think about the fact that trees are 50% of our DNA isn't crazy? And like, let's say she has an inquisitive mind, loves philosophy and she starts talking about it and I'm just going to get so interested in her and not in a put on way, everybody. That's what's really important. Not like, oh, this

41:50part needs to be loud. You're really lovable. That will not work. What needs to happen is true, real feelings and empathy that I feel towards this part of me. So if I have a little part that's terrified of people, scared. I wouldn't say, well, I'm giving it as beautiful home. Give me a hug. Come on. It's what we do about manifesting. Come on. All people haven't been safe. So she's sitting on one end of the couch as we're watching a movie and I would say, would you mind if I sit on the other end? Okay, I guess. Okay, great. I'll just be over here and I would purposely not look at her too much because I don't want to overwhelm her. Just slowly shove her. The thoughts are safe and I don't want anything back, my dear. And you know, this this work every time I think about it, it makes me really emotional because what healing actually is is the most beautiful love story. There's one in my own journey where I remember as I was working with all every last part integrating them. I felt so in love that I

42:52said and I have really big times driving parts that would show up. In my true self, I said to the parts that had worked so hard to protect me and the parts that were so vulnerable I said. Your freedom and your aliveness is more important to me than anything else in the world. It's more important in a husband. It's more important than having children in my own. It's more important than my purpose and money and anything else just to see you free and alive. And it takes everything I'm talking about that level of falling in love with these versions of you that have experienced pain. When you do that, you know what the irony is? You get every last thing you ever want because now they know there is a parent here that chooses me about everything else. Here that not only chooses me, but sees me, said this to my parts. I said, you will always be my first born no matter what. And this is also scientific. So if you think this kind of, well, it's actually also science, but it requires this level of felt sense that I'm

43:57showing you. You are the most beautiful gem. I am the luckiest to be your mom, to be your dad. I am the luckiest in the whole world. And because of that, I will protect you from anything that ever could come towards you again. People can say things to me, but they can never say it to you. Always have that in me. And do you know what happens? Our parts actually believe it when we feel that much. And then they become like the little elephant playful. They say, oh, I get to be a part of this thing that you're doing. And more and more, the beautiful thing is about whatever we want to manifest in our lives, especially around a particular purpose. Is that the people you're meant to serve? Guess what? They're going to have parts that are just like yours. Maybe you want to start like art classes. And you have parts that are so creative, but they got inhibited because they felt like at one point, you're not an artist anymore because you're not getting it right or dance classes. And some point we're told we can't dance or something's ridiculous. And your parts get to say,

45:00show up and say, oh, my parents showed me, mom, my internal mom or dad, that as I am is okay. And I see all these people in front of me who are inhibited and scared little parts of them. And I get to help them now. And this is so great. They're my people. And so when you're in your purpose, you're going to find that you're going to be with people who have internal parts that were just like yours. And this beautiful tapestry, this the most complex thing, you know, the human psyche experience is so complex. And this is the work, the nervous system work, and parts work together that unlocks the life you want. But it has to be from the level of felt sense, but I hope everyone could feel that trueest love that I have for my parts. And this is coming from somebody who like, I was so mean to myself. I was like, I am awful disgusting. I don't deserve to be alive. Who would ever listen to me? I'm stupid because it's all things I was told. And to, oh, that's not true. In fact, if you look at nature, nothing in nature apologizes for its own becoming. Here I am, the

46:06P&E, the Sequoia tree, the fern. I should be here because I am. And so this work together, when we feel the knock at our soul, trueest self that says, hey, it's time to manifest this thing, it's time. This is where you're headed. We can get there with ease. But it requires this work, for sure. Oh, so beautiful, so beautiful and moving and touching and inspiring on so many levels. And I think as so many shifts are happening collectively in the world, things feel out of control. How we have functioned and witnessed ourselves in society and what our purpose is and why we're here and all of these things is changing so rapidly. And I think our hypothesis at the brand is really that the way through is through that connection to self. But it's not looking to the outside world to tell you who you are, who you need to be, what you need to fit into, how you need to create

47:07your social media, what company you need to start, what subjects you need to learn, like to not let the outside programming infiltrate and to deepen that connection with self. And in unburdening all of these younger selves and in this reconnection to all these younger selves, like that's where your magic is. That 14 year old self, like that part of me had a light that I might be disconnected with and could bring something really magical to myself now in 2026. And so I really feel like this is everything. Like this is the work to be done if you want to move through life with ease, with purpose, with love, with compassion, without sourcing external validation, without sourcing external safety, it starts within like so many people say that, but I feel like the way that you explained it, it just really makes so much sense of why we have to stop looking for the outside

48:09confirmation of who we are. And even seeing that our impulse to do that as our protector parts, as our nervous system scanning for the threat and say, oh, I see what you're doing. And like coming back to self again, you know, if we look at everything in nature, it's not like, how should I be? I don't know. What's the trends right now? It's just, I am what I am. For me, I've never looked at any of that. And about when I was a kid, the only safety I had had an aunt, a couple of aunts who I didn't live with them in the grandma, but the only safety in my house was Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross. And I turned them on. And when I watched Mr. Rogers, I felt like there was somebody there who loved and he understood me somehow. And he was always there. And when I was feeling complex things, he knew how to help me process them. And at the time, Mr. Rogers, I've watched the documentary about him, people are like, who the hell is going to want to watch this? It's so slow. You're going to feed fish for a minute. And then you're going to like put your feet in a kitty pool and whatever.

49:10And save my life. And so years ago, I got this knock at my own door and was like, you're going to do that for adults. That's what you're here to do. And so I was like, okay. And I feel into it. I feel into when you're anchored in truth. You hear this still small voice. Intuition's not loud, everybody. If you have a voice, you better do that thing now. If you don't do it now, it's going to be okay. That's a protective part. Intuition is so unbothered. It's just quiet, slow. You could do it now. You could do it. Never. You'll always learn something. It's all okay. What does it say to me? And so I started my own podcast and working on transitioning that to a TV show. The way that Mr. Rogers did this for me. And I've pitched this to a spoken event. And I've been pitching it this way for a long time. And people, some people are like, what? You're going to pitch it that way. And then a big agency, a big agency in the world. She said, what do you want to do? And I said, you know, I feel really called to do this. And pitched it to her. I said, it's like Mr. Rogers for adults. And she was like, amazing. And my point in what I'm sharing is that could be as far from where culture is right now as possible.

50:15Me as a four-year-old woman, but I'm going to like be like I'm a six-year-old, like with a sweater zip up. You know, like what the hell is that? The concept of that doesn't seem like it would ever work. Well, that's the way I approach everything I've ever done. And it is when I approach my podcast. And in one year, we have a million downloads and less than a year. And how did that happen? Because I listened to that still, small voice that said, hey, this is the flavor of how we need you to make the world brighter. And this is the flavor that some people need. And you know, the truth here, when I'm in my adult self, some people could say her voice is so freaking annoying. I hate listening to her. And from adult me, I could say, that's okay. Good, good news because there's so many others out there too. Because I'm not in a little part that doesn't feel good enough, you see. If I thought I have to do it this way, I have to fall this trend, I have to wear these things. I have to point at objects on a reel or whatever. Well, I wouldn't have the success I have. I have it because I listen to that. My collaborator is my true self and my soul and the universe.

51:20Those are my collaborators. And I share that story only because, like, if you're like Mr. Rodgers for adults, like that sounds, who, what does that even mean and who would ever purchase that or be a part of that? And you started to happen. People would say, you know, you're kind of like Mr. Rodgers except like a woman for adults. It's really weird. You make me feel so calm. I listen to you before bed. You make me feel like I'm seen for the first time. So if I tried to be somebody else that I'm not, I would never be able to give the gifts that I'm supposed to give. And so the more everyone listening that you trust that, you feel into adult you, you know, this is who I am and the world. That's how we are this beautiful tapestry. That's how it all works. If I can trust that and then you start to get glimmers of like, wow, they're people. They're saying, you're the one that I need. They're the place that I want to come to and they come to your restaurant. And there's like a trillion other restaurants. And do you know one of the reasons they come is because you cook with the love that's inside of you. So I'm so glad you said that because

52:23I think right now are for a long time, but the online world is so over and inundated with like, join this mastermind that's going to teach you how to create and figure business. Like, there's some benefit to some of those things, but what they usually do is strip you of your selfhood. And don't lose the you. Think of every person that did amazing things in the world. Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Steve Jobs, visionaries. What are these people doing? They saw things that seemed crazy, impossible. But what they were really doing was listening to that still small voice, fueling it and fueling it and step by step, leaning into it. And that's really the magic sauce that we all have to do. And the good news is already inside of you. You don't have to become anything. Yes. That part, I think, is so inspiring for people to hear that they don't need to learn to be more interesting. How to do that better? You just need to feel more comfortable trusting the parts and the gifts and the unique sauce that you already have. And sure, there's

53:30nothing wrong with mastery or learning something to get better at it, like a skill or craft, but it will be coming from a place of love and curiosity and not punishment and fixing. That's exactly right. And the same goes for people to and wanting community or like romantic partnership. The most magnetic thing is somebody that says, I am me. I am me and I love me. And you know, there's a quietness to that. If there was one practice that I could recommend to you that has transformed my life more than anything else, it has been the 2B magnetic work. Obviously, I may be biased because I am the Chief Content Officer, I'm the host of the podcast, I develop all the workshops with the brand, but it is also the

54:31tool that has helped my life the most. When I am in a season of doubt, when I'm in a season of fear or tests or triggers, when I am trying to get clarity on my next chapter, when I'm trying to design a life for my future that I want to be really deeply connected to my soul, to my potential, to my purpose, to my ambition, TBM houses all the tools and workshops that you need to connect deeper to yourself and not let your past patterning, your past programming, your limiting beliefs, run the show anymore. Because every time I get tripped up on one of those things, it is always younger versions of myself coming in, taking the driver's seat and running rampant. And until I can connect with them through the TBM work and really learn to process it in a new way and re-contextualize the things, that is when my life actually shifts and I reprogram my neural pathways to be an alignment

55:31with what I truly want, which is how you manifest. If you are interested in joining the pathway, we have a special offer for our podcast guests where you can get the first month for $20 and then join our annual membership. You can use this work through our various workshops that we teach you how to manifest, we go through an inner child program, there's a shadow program, one for rot, rock bottom, money, love, you name it, or you can use it as a daily tool to reprogram in the moment issues as they come up to reset your nervous system, give you high self-worth, reconnect with your magnetic self, or talk to your inner child part that may be in the way and running the show and self-sabotaging. So if you're getting the ping to join TBM, now's the time and you can use code expanded all caps, EX, P-A-N-D-E-D for $20 off your first month to join the pathway.

56:38I mean it's so interesting, I'm curious if you feel into this as like I feel like you're a very intuitive person, I'm just going to name that, I'm like she definitely is so intuitive. Everyone is, but I could just see like the heightened sense of it and I think the deeper you connect yourself, the deeper your intuition gets, the stronger it gets, that trust muscle, but I feel like now more than ever, we can read energy easier on social media in person like we don't really even understand why, but we feel like something feels off of that person or I feel scared or I feel uncomfortable or that doesn't feel genuine or something doesn't feel sincere there, we're able to very acutely be aware of the signals that it's sending out. And I remember when I was first learning about energy and all of that kind of stuff, it almost scared me as being someone who creates you know things online because I was like oh no, what are people reading about me? blah blah blah, but then it's like okay, the reason that people's energy that feels good is because

57:40they aren't looking for anything from you, they aren't hiding anything from you, it's like purity coming through. They are content and safe in themselves, exactly what you're saying, like it's kind of a twofold because you also don't want to be trying to cultivate that so you are seen as good by other people either. You do it for the sake of yourself and that felt sense of I am just here for myself, I'm not doing this so other people like me, I'm not doing this so I'm comfortable or magnetic or any of the things, I'm doing it because I really care and value about my parts of me, then it becomes the natural byproduct. Exactly, so that's why when we talked about parts, my parts are the most important thing in the entire world to me. I didn't ever think that that could be possible my whole life, but they are. I am the luckiest mother and I'm a good mom and so I'm saying that I don't know because those are things we want to be able to say that's not

58:42being wow, I'm so great, it's a high heart, this is the thing, I'll be the proudest of in my whole life. And so when when they come first, that's the healthy thing, then it's okay, my purpose, because what a lot of people do is their parts are being sacrificed for their purpose, when your parts come first and then it's okay universe, what is it that you have me here to do to serve? I get a lot of visions in when I'm in water and I got this this really strong, I said it probably a thousand times in the bathtub years ago, this mantra that came through and it just kept hearing, let me be the light that helps them come home to themselves and to you and let me be a service of that light. And so when I think about creating anything I create, what is the principle of what I do in creating something I sit and say, let me be the light that helps them come home to themselves and to you. So if I go to do an Instagram line, you know what I do and walk in my dog, I think to myself, who today, what do they need? And so I go on and say, hey, you're not of them, and I'll share something with them. Or if it's a program I have, I make sure that I'm in integrity.

59:46Why did I create this? And for me, because I created, I am so passionate about because I've created them from a place of, I know what it's like to have to go do multiple modalities in different places and get confused. I know what it's like to not have a road map in the healing process and how confusing that is. Oh my gosh, I want people to have this. Could you imagine if people had this, they would go so much faster than it would spend 20 years like me. This is so exciting. I need to tell you about it. Oh my gosh, I feel so much shame. I feel like I was broken. That's why all my podcast is called, you make sense. I have a program called, you make sense. Why? Because I know what it's like to feel broken. I just want to tell people that they're loved and they make sense. And the thing is, I don't need them to join. You don't need to, you don't, but you do need someone to help you. And I could be that person or it could be someone else, but you just know your love and it's possible for this to change. I could care less about what is money. It's just US dollars, just paper. I just want to love you. And I want to show you as possible. And I've devoted my whole life to it. And if one person can get free so that they can have heaven where it's supposed to be here on earth, that is all that matters to me. It's all that matters. And I built a multimillion

1:00:52dollar business from doing it this way. I'm not thinking about ironically, about the money. I think about people coming alive. So whenever it is that your purpose is, is it a florist? You love flowers and they make you so excited. Stop thinking about, well, if I don't sell seven bouquets this week, it's just not going to work out. Everything's going to be not going to work. That's you protecting with your nervous system. And it won't come towards why am I being called to this to make the world filled with more beauty and love for people. Oh my gosh, this person that's buying this for their loved one, this person that's buying this and bringing it to the graveyard of their precious companion. I am so honored that I get to be the steward of that makes I'm going to cry again. That's not even my purpose, everybody. So when I go in you, this is what you got to feel from adult you. On when you do magic. I mean, everything you're talking about to, this is the new paradigm

1:01:53of business. You know, when people talk about mixing ambition, but from a grounded felt sense, like this is what it's about. Lack is I have to control the experience. Lack is I have to figure out exactly how I'm going to get this thing up this scale in this way. It's like, no, there is room for everyone. There is abundance in so many ways in so many seasons. As a team, like before we launch a challenge or a site like, it's the exact same concept. What are we so beaming from our hearts to share with everyone? What is the journey we want to take them on? Because we've been there, we've been stuck. What are we feeling? What's our community feeling? Having that at the forefront of everything you do, I just feel like if every business could operate from this sense, what could happen in this world? Oh my gosh, the whole world would heal and everyone would come alive. And we do it one by one by one. And it's such a beautiful thing to see the world get brighter by everybody

1:02:59listening by you getting bigger. I want to say this because I feel like there are people that really need to hear this. This won't hurt anybody. A lot of people who feel like if I'm really big, I'll hurt other people or they won't, they'll feel bad if I'm really big. And sometimes I find most loving people the most, the people we need to actually shine the biggest can feel that way. I don't want to make anyone else feel small because they're not in their purpose. Or if I hurt somebody in the truth is how dare you not shine big because it is through your bigness in your light that people find inside of themselves. And so it's radical act, actually of activism, to say I am going to shine big so that people can find the light inside of them. And so I ask if you're here to bravely find the hands of all of your young parts that are scared inside of you and love them with everything you've got. And when you do watch them come alive and together the light of your integration of who you are shines so big that the whole universe can use you

1:04:06to emulate and emanate love through it, through your experience, through your purpose. And when that happens our whole world heals. And so you have to be big and means you're going to have to receive a lot means you're going to have to take up space. And we people like you to do it. My drop thank you so much Sarah this was I knew this combo is going to be powerful but I feel like it's exceeded my expectations in every way possible. And I will be listening on repeat as my therapy for the rest of this week. Where can people find you connect with you work with you all of the things. Well thank you for having me this was such a fun conversation and for being who you are and who the whole team to be magnetic is. I'm on Instagram my handle is Sarah B. Coaching. You can find me on my website Sarahbotoncoaching.com. I have lots of programs happening all of the time. I have one coming up actually next month. I only offer twice a year and it's called

1:05:10you make sense. So you can check that out on my Instagram or website. And I also have a podcast it's called you make sense. Thank you so much and thank you for sharing your light and being brave enough to connect with and heal and integrate all of your parts so you could be the light that you are in the world too. Thanks so much. I hope you guys really enjoyed that episode today and I wanted to give you a couple of tools to start this process of working with your nervous system. So all of our deep imaginings at the beginning start with a little nervous system practice something that has you drop into your body drop into a felt sense of safety in the body but a couple are really really heavy hitting. We have a regulate di set that's for fight or flight or freezer fun which are really good to do before taking action or after a test or trigger. We also have the reset di and then if you're wanting to have that conversation with those parts of you or your nervous system the inner child di is perfect for this. This is exactly what it was designed for so you can

1:06:16converse in a very gentle way with those younger parts of self and be that higher parent to other aspects of you. Plus we have a really fun launch coming at the end of the month that will also help with nervous system regulation as well. So stay tuned for that. See you next week.