EP 3836 Patience is freaking hard

0:00Hey guys, welcome to today's podcast, today's episode. Patience is a virtue, but it's also freaking hard. So I am sitting in a place in my life currently where I'm really in a very peaceful place. I'm happy life's going well. I've got heaps of stuff I want to do in my business and also the things I've been pretty quiet over the last few months. Just actually getting used to sitting in peace. And actually learning the skill of patience because it is a virtue, but it's also fucking hard. And when I look at my life, what would I like it to look like in a year's time? And there are things that I would like to have improved and changed absolutely. But also, none of those things are critically life alteringly important. If they happen in a month or a year or whatever, then you know, so be it. At 56 years of age, I intend to live to 110, as I've said before, in this podcast and people think I'm mad.

1:03But so even if I live to freaking 95, that's still 39 years. That is a fucking long time. So if I go back 39 years, then here we go, testing my math. So if I go back 39 years, what's that make me 17? Yeah, Jesus, that's hilarious. It makes me 17 years of age. That means I'm leaving high school and going into the workforce and applying to the police and do whatever I'm like, holy shit. That's, fuck, that's obviously, literally, a lifetime ago. That's how much time I have left on the planet. That's a fucking lifetime. So I breathe and relax and have patience to get you know what, there's no rush. But I don't get a thing done today, cool, I'll do it tomorrow. If I don't have six pack abs and whatever the other things I want today, then cool. There's the opportunity in the future and six pack abs I can give a shit about.

2:04But whatever it is, there's nothing that is so critically important and just mind-blowingly different that my life could have that would have me feel dramatically different. There would definitely be things that could incrementally improve my life in different places where I could be more able to impact other people. There's definitely things I would love to improve. One thing for sure, my 21 year old daughter who I love immensely, that I haven't spoken to in quite some time, I would love to have my relationship with her reestablished, of course. There's things like that that are extremely important to me. But again, that situation has taught me so much patience. Because if I am trying to push her to be more connected, that's going to achieve one thing and one thing only. Drive her further away. Patients to me for me has come about by being able to understand that I know I'm inherently a good human being. I do the right thing. I'm at mistakes for sure. Can I be a moron? Absolutely.

3:07It's all sorts of insecurities and I am fallible in so many ways. But ultimately I do the right thing. So then I fundamentally believe life just will work out. Of course, I've got to put in the effort. I can't sit on the couch and eat Doritos and life's going to be amazing. All the stuff that you are hopefully smart enough to understand. But one of the things that is so critically important to me is understanding that the more time I feel I've spent being stressed and concerned about what I haven't done and what isn't where I want it to be and what needs to be different and blah, blah, blah is just robbing me of the enjoyment and the peace and the satisfaction in the moment. And what a cliche that is, but it is so freaking true. And one of the things that I've really been dealing with since mum passed a few months ago now is being comfortable sitting in the peace and the silence. Not always having to do a million things. Not being incessantly on the move and in motion and just I've got to do this and I've got to do that and I've got to do this other thing.

4:07I just look back even over the last few years. I'm like, holy shit, I've just been in such a level of momentum trying to do things that really was just a lot of busy being busy. Now I'm like, still I work, well, do I work hard? I certainly put effort in because I love what I do. Do I work hard? I don't even know how I would assess that. But I'm still having impact on people. I'm still making a difference. People still keep telling me that what I do helps them. So I'm like, cool, I love that. I have a great relationship with my younger daughter. She's hilarious. She said to me not long ago, but it was beautiful. We were having a conversation. Actually, it was a text message a few months ago and she goes, I said something about, I know I'm your best friend or something. And she said back and she goes, you are definitely one of my best friends. And I was like, wow, that's beautiful. I was such a beautiful thing to hear from her because that's her experience of me as being a loving connected dad. I didn't see her for six years. She didn't spend any time at my house for six years. And I just influenced her and I just tried to influence her and assist her to tell them I love them, send them text messages and videos.

5:13It was fucking heartbreaking and so challenging. And for somebody who's always been used to in my life solving problems and fixing things. As a cop, what I do in my business now, look, I've always been someone that doesn't work off, I'll solve it, I'll fix it. And I couldn't fix it. And it was horrible. And it taught me one of the best lessons of my life and that was patience. So now, the patience that I have in my life these days is feels still weird because when I'm not doing anything in inverted commas. I rarely sit for two hours and watch TV or do whatever. So I am doing things but I'm not stressed and moving a million miles now and got 200 things on my to do list. And so I can feel as though I'm just not being effective or I'm not putting enough effort. And it brings up stuff from being a kid of being said, told Jalaisian, do whatever and like all this sort of shit. And I'm like patience is an absolute skill. And it's one I'm leaning into more and more and the more I do it, the more calm and peaceful I feel.

6:14And you know what, the world doesn't explode, things don't go bad. And I'm just trying to set up a situation in my life now where I'm allowing more amazing things to come into me rather than having to go out and chasing down and find it and create it. And holy shit, it's just, it's so much more enjoyable. It's just a lot more peaceful. So for you to understand that in your life, patience is a virtue. It's a skill, but it's fucking hard. And certainly hard if you're someone like me that's a million miles an hour, 80, de personality. Certainly hard if you're somebody who's spent half a century wanting to solve problems and fix things. But time heals all wounds. It's amazing how problems that are left to just bubble away for a little while often solve themselves because you give them time. It's amazing how just giving yourself a breath to stop and take some time to let something settle it in that's happened to you makes it fall less impactful.

7:14You're less frustrated, you're stuck, that's set. You never better perspective because patience is a virtue and a skill, but it is very hard. So what I would implore you to do is spend the time and effort and energy in being patient. And as counterproductive as that sounds, it sounds like an oxymoron to go that you can spend time energy and effort being patient. But it really is, it takes effort for me to be patient. Because what I want to do is go a million miles an hour and try and fix things. But the more I have been able to lean into that patience that relax into that as I've got older, just actually the more peace of my life becomes and the happier I am in general. And that is just a fantastic, freaking place for me to be because I've been someone that's always been pretty highly strong and reasonably highly stressed. And these days it's just not really the case. These days I'm more just chillin' out, cruising around my life and just do what I need to do.

8:15And particularly when I'm someone who does, I do help people with some pretty challenging and difficult things in their lives. But yet I'm still very patient, peaceful in it. They get too caught up in it. And I find that means that the clients and the people I help end up in a much better place. Work on the skill of patience. You will be so happy you did because your life will be so much better as a result. Have an amazing day, I'll chat to you tomorrow. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Always remember, if you want the results you have to do the work. If you want to know more about how I can help you and my story, go to www.thupstronglifeproject.com www.thupstronglifeproject.com