Ep 169: Fighting For vs. Fighting Against

What if the thing you're rallying against is actually a signal pointing toward something you deeply value? In this episode, Marie explores how to reframe your energy — moving from fighting against what you don't want, toward fighting for the life, relationships, and work you actually want to create. With personal stories, client examples, and research from the Gottman Institute, this episode is a practical invitation to find your North Star and align your actions with it.

In this episode: 

• The road trip update: Marie recaps a Big Sur road trip with her 9- and 13-year-old, designed entirely by the kids — and why these trips are a deliberate practice in flexibility, problem-solving, and connection.
• The retro phone story: Marie accidentally orders a vintage audio guestbook instead of a landline. What starts as a mistake turns into a surprisingly magical idea for her upcoming Moxie Retreat — a live example of "the obstacle is the way."
• Fighting for vs. fighting against: The core framework: our brains are wired to threat-scan and focus on what we don't want. But when we flip the question — "What am I actually fighting for?" — we generate more motivation, alignment, and energy to act.
• The musician client: A session with a client who listed everything he wanted to fix. Marie redirects the conversation toward his creative vision — and the "problems" begin to dissolve on their own.
• The Gottman Institute research: Couples who focused on building connection with each other did far better than those who focused only on conflict resolution. What you focus on grows — in relationships and beyond.
• Applications across life: Marie walks through how to flip the framework in four areas: health habits, relationships, environmental/social concerns, and burnout at work.
• A personal story: criticism and clarity: When a trusted person criticized Marie's work, she initially wanted to protect herself. By asking "what am I fighting for?", she found her answer — and a firm, values-aligned boundary.

This week's invitation: Where are you fighting against something right now? Flip it. What are you actually fighting for? Articulate the vision — the life, relationship, health, or work you want to create — and let that become your North Star.

Mentioned in this episode

• Book: The Obstacle Is the Way by Ryan Holiday
• Research: The Gottman Institute / The Love Lab — couples & connection studies
• Concept: Ikigai — Japanese concept of life purpose
• Product: After the Tone — vintage audio guestbook rentals
• Retreat: Moxie Retreat, La Jolla — sailboats, private chef, coaching (next one: October)

How to connect with Marie:

• On the Web | The Local Bloom
• Instagram: @the.bloom.coach
• All Things Marie on LinkTree

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We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!