Emotions Are More Than Just Joy & Anger: How Learning the 8 Core Emotions Can Transform Your Marriage & Life

0:00and we were listening to the audiobook and I'm like stopping it and I'm looking at Han and I'm yelling at him. What do you mean? There's more than joy and anger. This guy's got it wrong. I have never in my life. It's that level of it was just it was awful to think right. I am missing out on all of these other things and he's telling me I have the right. I'm not only have the right. I have the ability to experience all of these other things. Welcome to the connection codes podcast or we help you go from disconnection and confusion to clarity confidence and connection. Whether it's in your marriage your business parenting or just figuring out what's going on inside of you. We're here to help make emotions feel less overwhelming and way more useful. I'm your host to your wages. Mama four CEO speaker and a big believer that emotions are not a problem to fix but a tool to master. The connection codes are tools created by marriage and family therapist

1:04Dr. Glenn Hill and his incredible life illness. They've helped thousands of people just like you experience real transformation. Let's get into it. In today to have Haan and Alicia with us they are friends that we've had the honor of meeting in person at one of our in-person events for our coaches and it's been a fun journey getting to know you guys. So thank you for being with us today and tell our community a little bit about who you are. Sure well thank you for having us on. This is a privilege and an honor for us. So I'm Haan. This is Alicia. We've been married for almost 31 years and we have six kids and six grandkids. So and unfortunately they all live five of the six grandkids live at a state. So our oldest is going to be 37. I shall be 37 this year. So I was married before and had my two girls with my first husband and then

2:10so when we got married Haan became an immediate dad like we were an immediate family. We got thrown into the fire with this blended family. So we had my two girls and then Haan and I had four boys together. Yep and then the youngest he's 20 soon to be 21. So look we've got six. That's a party. Yeah that is amazing. So no one loves it. How many more? The 20-year-old does. On your old desk. Yeah it was delicious. We're actually working trying to get him off the books but wow that's just really amazing because I think sometimes we don't often hear you know like okay what does that journey like to blend to families right to for you to instantly become a dad. So tell us when did you guys just learn about the connection codes? How did that play out in your relationship? It was about two years ago. So we have a marriage coaching group and one of our

3:15couples sent us a podcast that you guys had been on and said this sounds like what you guys are trying to teach us and what you carry a message for already. He kind of said they're saying it a little bit better than y'all but I appreciate it. It was it was a great moment of just honesty but we listened. I was like very captivated to hear somebody who really had nailed down messaging and then we listened to the podcast and we were just like wow like not only are they saying it better like they're leaps and bounds ahead of like where we want to go on our journey and we just haven't figured out how to get there yet. So it immediately was I mean an immediate purchase of the connection codes book like we had that Joker read in a week's time because we were so enthralled with the messaging there. It was funny about it was Alicia's what we were actually listening to it on an audiobook and Alicia's like hold up a second. You mean I have more than

4:18two emotions like I have more than just anger and joy and she really had a hard time like leaning into the other emotions to start with. Yeah it was it was a real reach for me to try to locate those things. Yeah wow wow I am I'm partnered with someone I'm gonna say who but that has had that journey has had that struggle so I think we all do because we've been told that either all emotions are bad or at least most of them are bad and so we have this it not quite DNA level but societal DNA you know resistance to it that we we shouldn't say you know I always represent is walking sideways emotionally we've been walking sideways so long it's just muscle memory. It's like all everybody walks sideways and we don't realize well that's not what we're supposed to do we're we're bi-page we're humans we're supposed to walk straight forward but we're off course and by a whole lot of factors the effect of that. You know Alicia I would say we all are this is common what you're what you just shared is common so

5:25I want to lean into that a little more what took you down that road like what happened for you can you remember like even sounded like there was some resistance like you got to be kidding me I thought joy and anger was was one of the other yeah I think up for me a lot of it I grew up going to church very involved in in the church and not a particular body just I think the message across the board is you know don't be afraid do not fear there's a lot of scripture about that and what that scripture means is not to not experience the fear but it means don't make decisions based on fear right so there's a lot of things that as the church has gotten wrong and I listen I like I was trying my best to be a good Christian girl a good Christian life and all of that led me down some really wrong thinking that I picked up of okay these are this is right and this is wrong and this is how I'm supposed to live my life but going back even to childhood I've always had like

6:29a pretty big personality and a lot of that the message I received message I heard was you know bring yourself down stifle it don't cry don't you know you shouldn't feel a void feeling guilt at all costs with being too much yeah quit being too much I heard that a lot um so what did what was that left with joy that was I'm supposed to feel joy all over the time except that there would you know I'm experiencing all of these other emotions and then it would come out as anger secondary anger because I wasn't I wasn't expressing what I was really experiencing out of life yeah wow so I just have to hear more so how did that start shifting for you I mean you read the book and you're like wait a minute this this is a crazy thought I was I did but yeah listen I was so mad at you I was so furious with you because I was just like I remember

7:33we were like we were in our pool that we were going to buy the foundations course from you guys and do that and we did that on our 30th anniversary we went away on a retreat and we went through all of the modules in one weekend and um it was both great and horrible like it was so challenging but immediately we saw the truth of it and we said okay we've got to we've got to practice this like it had been a year since we had read the book and I had settled in my spirit enough that there truly are eight emotions I was like okay let me just let me just try one of the things that you had said or that I had heard you say um Glenn was just practice like if you can't if you got to make something up make something up and so I was just like okay let me just let me just lie

8:36about it let me just pretend the whole way through the wheel and figure this out and the more that I did that the more connected I got to what I actually was experiencing and anytime that anger would show up oh I go okay so what am I missing what's behind anger you know if the if anger is not the primary thing most of the time what else is there and so I just really like I am if you ever challenged me if you ever say Alicia you're not very good at this by God I'm gonna get good at it and that that became like a very determinate a determined endeavor on my part of let me figure this out let me get better at it it's always been a goal because I was married before and divorced whenever Han and I got married I just became this consumer of everything marriage related tell me

9:38how to do this tell me how to do it right tell me how to do it well and us have a healthy thriving marriage and not one where we're just suffering through but by God we didn't get divorced we're gonna count that as a success which seemed like failure that nobody's talking about so when we went through the book and then going through foundations I became obsessed with let me get let me practice as much as possible and get really good at these skills because they are skills that everybody I mean we're born knowing these skills and we lose our way let me relearn them if it's there if I was already coded to know how to do this let me get let me remind myself of how to do this yeah okay cuisines number one Alicia because we've gotten to spend

10:39time ago in person thank you for not punching me in the face but we first met we'll create that so much self-control in your part as to say no not first because you kind of owed me you know it's like if you had I'd be like oh yeah that's about right but number two I want to do a blood draw on you and make a inoculation because exactly what you're talking about is our greatest frustration is connection coach coaches it's like how do we get these individuals to do the thing and I of course who spends a pound together I just say if you'll just try it for 90 days it's not going to give you cancer it's not going to eat up your liver so just try it for 90 days just write me a nasty letter after 90 days and tell me how stupid it was I can handle that and I just love your and obviously you are a learner you're a disciple you're seeking knowledge information understanding and who I want to get that into to everybody because this mat and course the two of

11:43you've obviously done this it's maddening to sit with people week after week after month after month that it's like there is no movement at all for me I just want to pull my hair out of slam my head in the door I'm like let's just try it yeah yeah you don't think it's going to work great fine why are we sitting here because right me decent money to sit and I'm like well then let's just try the thing go to a brainer and argue about health go to the brainer and get some coaching yeah anyway vlog your sphere that's just thank you thank you I'm gonna try this I said the Han you know I'm gonna try this but also I might become really dysregulated in the trying because it's so unfamiliar to me and this is so hard and um are you safe enough for me to be just really messy and gross with and just try it and he was like yes absolutely and an echoed

12:45that sentiment also because it's not like Han was a walking bastion of he's there he had some practicing to do also and and so as having that conversation where we're just like okay we're gonna do this and it's gonna be like sex whenever you first get married where it's just messy and nobody knows what they're doing and you're just fumbling around but you're determined to figure it out we're gonna do that with emotions yeah wow so I I want to slow the train down at least should it go back to that moment where you're like first thought you shelved the book I mean you shelved the whole thing like we we can take away some stuff here this is but I'm not doing the wheel I'm you know like that was one of those um and yet I'm so fascinated that you then didn't just leave it at that like matter of fact the fact that for your 30th anniversary you actually spent the time

13:48going through the whole foundations in a weekend like get away um even that is is so admirable you know because I don't know how you didn't go oh no no no no I've already checked that out yeah and that you you actually dove into it deeper and then your takeaway was all right I'm gonna give this a chance and I'm gonna make stuff up in the in that whole like to go into it going okay I'll do it and I'll do it with that suggestion of just make stuff up so can you remember what that was like like though that whole first time making stuff up like what happened in your body when you when you even went about it that way I'm positive I was like um there was a lot of energy there was a lot of I was not sitting still I was probably pacing I don't remember do you remember um you were now you're pretty there was a lot of energy I mean I do really have a lot of

14:57energy in the first place but that sort of where I'm you know I'm trying to do something I've never done before I'm obviously not good at it it is it is super sloppy it is um I don't know what I'm saying I don't know whether I'm saying it right I like I don't know I don't I don't know what the difference is between shame and guilt I don't know what the difference is between sad and hurt like I'm so unfamiliar with all of this and lonely how can you be lonely whenever there's a family of eight living in your house like like there's a lot of things that I was just like so so so unfamiliar with that I um yeah in my body it did look like a lot of energy it looks like me spinning in my seat basically like changing positions a lot a lot of gesturing a lot of there was probably a lot of intonation to my voice a lot of a lot of inflection a lot of volume

15:57and what got what led you to do it more than once uh I really the whole thing the knowledge that I was really bad at it um I am I hate to suck at something I hate to be bad at something and if you're the fascination too of you're gonna have to forgive me I don't know whether you actually said this or whether I just heard it that these umbrella terms that we used that they all are broken down to these eight core emotions and I was like wait a second because I immediately because Han and I are obviously different races and we come from different cultures period with geographic cultures he's from California I'm from Alabama there's a lot of differences between the two of us and immediately I had this understanding that oh

16:59what if when Han says overwhelmed it's a different combination of the eight core emotions than I have whenever I say overwhelmed and because I really have a high value for understanding what somebody else is talking to me exactly what they're saying and then I don't miss it and I also have a really high value for I want to say as precisely as I can I want to give you good directions what's going on with me and so I was like just determined okay let me nail down these eight if it all comes down to the eight let me eliminate the umbrella terms and let's get to the eight and well I've just got a master of yeah well well Han I already like you but I like even more now just hearing some of that story because I mean dude that was and you know because you're a real human too so you're having your own experience but just partnering with Alicia in all of that is so beautiful it's so powerful even the fact is she could say to you I don't remember the words

18:04you said Alicia but you know this might be messy um I know a lot of people man especially be like oh well then I'm out I'm I'm not doing that and the fact that you have the the the care but also just the courage because sometimes messy oh for well me leads for me um so you know I just admire that that's so remarkable what was the most difficult part of all that for you Han that that I think the most the most difficult part for me was when the messiness had to do with something that I was responsible for if her mess had nothing to do with me I was there all day long owing what's happening tell me more you know what do you need that was a piece of cake but when it came to me I would get so flooded with shame and guilt um that it was it was really hard for me to stay in there with her um and that's when most of her that's when our biggest fight to occur since we started how since we

19:04started doing the emotion or the connection codes was when I was responsible I wasn't responsible but I felt responsible for the responses that she was having to what I had done um it's it's helped for me to realize and to keep in mind that I am not responsible for her emotions it's hard though because I was always taught in my family growing up that I am responsible for everybody else's everybody is responsible for everybody else's emotions emotions so as well as you weren't allowed you really didn't have emotions because agents are typically very just low-key level-headed no emotions they're just very stoic um so that being said it was the hard part for me was just being able to sit in it when she was angry or hurt or lonely because of my decision wow so can you do you remember that I'm assuming it has a little bit at least do you remember

20:04it shifting for you um so one of the things that we had in one of our phone calls with our couples was we had a couple that um where every time the wife would say something an emotion the husband would get really dysregulated with shaman guilt and I said to him hey when you're just driving around all day why don't we just process shaman guilt all day long just say hey I felt shamed with this I felt guilt with this and just start getting that damn level lower and see how that rip how that um how that does for you the next time she comes to you with with something and Alicia looks at me she goes I think you need to be doing that too and I'm like yeah you're right there's a great advice um yeah I should take my own advice and so we actually we actually had a um a moment yesterday and like I had been doing it what I had told the guy to do and we had a moment yesterday and I did not

21:11get nearly as dysregulated as I normally do um and I was very it it didn't take it took me about five minutes to go oh wait a minute just hold on a sec tell me what's happening here with that tell me what's happening with anger tell me tell me what's happening with lonely tell me what's happening with sad and it was processed out in five minutes after that yeah so fast well now we're you saying damn level or damn level I couldn't chill I'm just checking I didn't know of any something yeah so I mean because you say you know when we when we don't process our emotions they get built up behind a damn and so my thought was like well if why do we have to wait to do a wheel to process our emotions why don't we just be be preemptive and let's just start processing the backlog the motions just whenever you're just sitting doing nothing yeah if I do a lot of driving he does a lot of driving so as I that actually made sense to me so I tried it seemed to work

22:17yeah which is what we did when we were 12 months old 15 months old 18 months old you know and then somewhere along the way we got knocked off course with that so then the dams began you know you've heard us talking about our two two-year-old grandsons you know their cousins and they end every day at zero there there are no dams they are completely processed through and if their parents are wanting to get into bed at seven thirty it might be eight forty five but they're not finished they have not processed through every which concludes joy they may just be feeling so much joy because they are jumping on the couch or they found the new toy or whatever so that joy is not allowing their little bodies to sleep and they're not gonna sleep until and then obviously you look over and they're sound asleep like what the heck happened what they got finished they they got processed they they completed their experience for the day and then their little bodies will sleep well as older babies you know we experience the same thing but we make ourselves lay down and go to sleep and so then we wake up in the morning tired or then when we actually went to bed because our psyches are

23:21not at rest so wow I love it that's powerful okay so what had been the most challenging aspects of of learning implementing the connection codes for me it was having the courage to face the emotions so like I always knew I had emotions but I never really expressed them I would I remained stoic except for anger some joy mostly anger and like Alicia has always been the one who showed me my problem let me look at the mirror let me see what the problem is let me fix it my my go to has always been let me stick my head in the hole and just ignore it and maybe it'll go away cover up the mirrors cover up the mirrors right so for me it was actually learning how to having the courage to go okay what am I actually feeling and how do I

24:22process this emotion so for me that was the biggest the biggest hurdle the more I did it the easier it got but it's still I mean there are still times when I would rather just check out should I share and then if you think yeah okay my biggest challenge has been a identity with it that I've had this belief that nobody wants to hear it nobody wants to listen to you and and so a lot of my emotion wheeling has been on my own and and then the practice of as doing it every day whenever he comes home from work we're sitting down and we're doing that together and and the the challenge of of really sharing in the emotion wheel in that in that practice wheel every day I had a big breakthrough this past December we were coming up on the

25:30anniversary of my dad's suicide and and there was there was a lot of I mean a lot of drama that surrounded his suicide it that happened whenever I was 30 I was pregnant like there was a whole a whole lot of stuff going on and and I told Han he came in and I asked him if he would share first and he said yes and I said on my side of it can we just like can I go around and around and around the wheel and talk about my dad's death until it's just like done and so that's what we did and it took about 45 minutes you know I'm jumping all over the wheel and coming back to things I'm parked on certain things for a long time I'm going past other things I'm coming back to them this just like it is just tumbling out of my mouth I'm just like looking at the wheel it was sitting

26:32on the table between us and I'm just like staring at it going this and this and this and this and this and y'all whenever I was done I was done like and I have like every time I've talked about my dad's death since then like I don't feel it in my body the same way that I felt it before like wow that that sadness the the hurt all of it is just it's just gone I'm sad that my dad's not here of course but I am just I'm not experiencing that traumatic event like I was and that um him listening to me that day and him being so like his partnership our partnership has completely changed since we went through the foundation's course wow and him doing that that day I gained so much identity because he did want to hear what I had to say

27:35well and it was it was just such a pivotal crucial moment for me wow I I am really struck by just that part of going around and around I you know it's interesting I've I have those experiences by myself in the middle of the night if I am not going back to sleep like if I wake up and then can't just right go back to sleep I'm like okay something is really stuck mm-hmm and I don't I just go okay I know I can find it if I do the wheel and but I do it over and over but I usually when I find it I then start to cry and then I know I found it and I'm not a quick cryer so that's for me that's just real personal that and it's interesting because I love I was visualizing what you're saying like the going around and around for me this happened recently

28:39I was visiting family and I knew that was kind of pretty tough for me emotionally and so I wasn't surprised that I was awake and unable to go back to sleep but I was like determined I'm gonna work at this and it was interesting because lonely was like I did it I and then there was some stuff that came out and lonely but it still was there was no tears so I just going and then I came back around to lonely but I could tell there was more to lonely and then eventually it all came out in the lonely and then there were the tears and then I when I shared it with you the next day I'd same thing happened my body just reacted and I cried and you know and I always think about like what Glenn must be hearing because it's kind of like oh wow like that must have been deep within me to be finding it in the middle of the night

29:46and it was memories of childhoods you know like relational relationship within my family right and so it's like you just never know I love and especially for you know people that are listening right now I love that you have been so determined um to use the wheel to find yourself to find what's in there that curiosity that it's like that determination and then Han for you to be able to go I'll I'll be in the messy with you I will sit with you right now and you know I love that you on the anniversary of your dad's suicide like even that that's people right there go oh yeah wow that's traumatic we can all agree right I'm right away oh that's traumatic and then we're like let's move on instead of actually sit let's sit in it for a while and let's do the wheel over

30:48and over and over about it like that's an issue specific wheel if someone is listening for the first time and they're like okay first of all don't even know what y'all are talking about with the wheel so we'll get to that in a practical way in a moment we'll let we love for you guys to do the wheel but to think about it this is an issue specific wheel and I love that you were so determined and you wanted to you wanted to spend the time like really getting as much of that out as you out of your body as possible and just that the power of that and I think sometimes we almost you know we do encourage people to do the wheel every day we talk about it being a two-minute tool but there are times when you need to slow down and you need to go over something until you know and I can just imagine especially because you've already shared Alicia that energy I can just picture you with all of the energy that you have I can just

31:50visualize you jumping around in the wheel like going there and then going there but using that in such a powerful way and I think wow what a gift right and to me the power of the wheel we had someone recently from a different country send me a message through WhatsApp and they were at a marriage conference they were conducting a marriage conference and they said would it be okay if we talk the wheel without all the rest of the information or would that do damage and I'm like oh no no no teach the wheel teach the wheel and they were teaching it in a different language and yet in that spur of the moment they put the core motion wheel up in that language and they taught this very large audience the wheel and then they had them do it it was all couples they had that doing with each other and I was like see there's so much power in that there's so much power in learning the wheel and to use it and to get that it's like sometimes I feel like people

32:51look at it like a jump rope okay you can jump rope or you can run or you can ride your bike it's just another thing instead of realizing it's a thing that is what can connect you to yourself and pull out right so soon and yourself yeah and that's the power of it you're just finding yourself I think that I've been in this field a long time the core motion wheel is the best thing I've ever seen or used but all we're trying to do is help people find their authentic vulnerable self which is what we did when we were 12 months old we you know you've had children every 12 months old on the planet is authentic and vulnerable unless they're already in some sort of horrific traumatic scenario but we're born that way with this reason called coding we're coded we're hardwired you know we're faith-based we think there's a god designer behind that even if there is no god it's still the human condition this is how humans function so we're just calling people back to their original coding how they're hardwired and giving them permission not that we're the permission graduates but giving them permission

33:55to be the the real version of Alicia the real version of Phyllis real version of Haude real version of mine which is what we all need absolutely so wow I love it that's so powerful beautiful yeah it's it really I love that this is what we're talking about today because I think that for anyone listening this is the power of the wheel your story and I love that you were resisted that you went away from it and then you came back to it is so so extremely valuable and powerful and and to realize that even if those listening right now are not taking that seriously or are like yeah we do it every once in a while it's just like man you're slowing yourself down to me it's almost like if anything we attempt in life I know Glenn often talks about brushing your teeth every day you know I think for most of us we don't skip we don't go like yeah

34:56brush my teeth a few times a month most of us are pretty serious about brushing our teeth and I think and yet we talk to so many people and even clients who are coming to us who kind of yeah we do the wheel every once in a while it's like you're missing something really really powerful so now that we've talked about it so much would you guys do the wheel so that we can understand better what it's all about sure we would love to you do is there any specific thing that you want us to do the wheel on or just do the wheel is your wheel just do the wheel you want to go first uh sure I can do that um so I have a sticker on my laptop so I'm gonna be looking down at that to see it um uh lonely uh I definitely felt lonely this morning at two o'clock in the morning whenever I was awake and I wanted to talk and I wanted to share and um you were dead asleep sad I felt I felt some sad in that also um yeah because I just I I had a lot of joy of things

36:03that I wanted to share with you and um hurt uh definitely have felt um hurt with family and them just missing me just not not seeing me um joy so much joy in learning that my identity doesn't just come from Christ but I gain or lose identity in all of my relationships and just understanding that just a lot of joy and in that knowledge um anger a lot of anger about um um I anger with myself at all of the times where I have just ignored somebody I've just missed with them because I've been so consumed by what was going on with me I feel shame about that also um guilt this week in that um what y'all can't see is that uh we are surrounded by a whole lot of

37:10sample products that have been given to me that I need to make videos for just uh as a side job that I do um and I am behind in my work I feel some guilt over not managing my time very well this week uh and then fear uh it's some fear that we live by railroad tracks and that a train was gonna come through and completely you would not be able to hear us but uh seems like we got that word out all right um I felt some fear doing this with y'all because I am not the best word Smith and I stumble over my word sometimes and so I had some fear about that um lonely uh feel some loneliness because I've been working so many hours and so I'm not home as much as I'd like and even when I am at home I'm still having to do a lot of work um let's see anger I feel I feel some anger with myself for not doing more of the work sooner

38:18within the connection codes because I know I do know how effective it is um and I'm I have some anger with myself that I let um a victim mindset rule for so long in my head uh that instead of taking ownership of what I'm feeling I've just blamed on everybody else um I feel sad that it took us so long to get these tools um hurts uh I felt some hurt last night in our missing with each other um because I didn't feel like you understood where I was coming from even though you did but you had so much you had a lot of anger yourself with what was happening um but I still felt hurt because I thought that I was right and you weren't um guilt uh I felt guilt

39:21look missing you last night missing with you last night um and I felt shame yes last night when you told me that you had lost identity with um with what I had said so um I always I always feel a lot of shame whenever I miss with you um joy um I have a lot of joy I feel a lot of joy with the tools that we have and how incredibly effective they are when you use them a lot they are it's absolutely wonderful so yeah wow dude um and at least I appreciate you but you know harm what you just did they're you're in an upper upper upper echelon of men uh certainly in this culture but I think even worldwide most men I don't like saying never never do what you just did where you're just at the court is this is haunt this is all of him this is

40:22who he is this is how he is this is what's happening for him and again that's same idea I'd love to do a blood draw and you know just making an oculation for all men on the planet of course you've heard us say we believe we can stop wars because if haunt is not processed what happens for him on a Monday afternoon it's gonna drag in the Monday evening Q's day Wednesday I don't know what's gonna happen in a week a month a year or two years five years ten years so and and wars in the home are just so that's a standard uh and where I grew up you know my old marriage is just hard and I just was told that who knows hundreds of thousands of times that I got that message and realize actually marriage is supposed to be fun that's the reason I showed up on my wedding day if they had told me a day a week before our wedding hey dude this is gonna be hard you and this is just gonna be brutal I don't know if I could have shown I mean I really like her but that would have been a tough sell for me I'm out of schedule something else that morning I'm not sure um

41:23but I we used to I'm very thankful that we she especially just kept going and how in the world we did it I don't know how in the world she did it I'm not sure but I'm very thankful you know people said that to us a lot just said hey it would have been nice if you had had discovered this earlier yeah you knew this whole salute that would have been helpful and I do I feel so much anger about that because I'm number five of six kids Philistus number eight of eight that just that you know siblings parents grandparents that's a pretty big mob there and no one forget all the the church people we knew and you know school and etc um nobody ever said a word to us about any of this and how I think in the 80 can't teach what you don't know they didn't know so they didn't teach us so that's part of as you know our passion in this we got to get this worldwide I believe we can stop wars in the home I believe we can stop wars around the world because all wars can be traced back to whatever a Tuesday afternoon

42:28where two people missed each other and the emotion was not processed and then it gets damned up and builds and builds and builds so yeah no I love just what you have shared today I think is so powerful and really the the the fundamental of learning the material and understanding that oh wow we have a brain that houses emotion regardless of what we've believed in the past regardless of what we were taught growing up this is just truth this is scientifically proven you know and they go wow just the curiosity you guys even though it was so hard in going gosh really like no this goes against everything and then to go gonna we're gonna stay with it and then you guys you on your 30th anniversary you did the foundation's course in a weekend away which is amazing and then you guys jumped in and did the coaching cohort you went through that and became certified

43:31coaches and just love to see your journey and I think for anyone that's listening today if you want to connect with Han and Alicia they are on our website if you can't easily find them then just email info at connectioncoast.co and we will connect you with Han and Alicia and I know that your story may be really similar to others who are listening and that have gone through a similar story you know have have been through a divorce been through a dad who committed suicide or a parent who committed suicide there may be something in your story today that others are really connecting to and would love to talk to you so we know that you guys would be open to to connecting with other people to to share and to really I think even just hearing I think for some people that struggle with the wheel and I love just what you did with that Alicia and how you were determined to get the advantage of that tool like to find yourself with the with that tool

44:38and to make that part of your arsenal now is just so so powerful so all right thank you thank you so so much for being with us today and we do all of this up because you need this you deserve this so let's do this hi there friends we won't let you know something important all this podcast us feature a marriage and family therapist we are not your therapist this is a space for informational and educational purposes only we're here to have a deep conversation over coffee if you find yourself feeling stuck or overwhelmed we encourage you to reach out to a trusted therapist counselor coach in your area who can give you personalized support you deserve because let's be real life is way too hard to go out of the alone and your emotions are way too valuable to ignore