Jim Littlefield-Dalmares: Special Needs Parenting and Divorce

There is a club nobody signs up for. Jim Littlefield-Dalmares uses that phrase for families raising a child with different abilities, and he joined it the day he was pulled out of a work retreat and told his daughter was arriving three months early.

Our guest this episode is Jim Littlefield-Dalmares, host of the Seeing Ability podcast and author of the book Seeing Ability: Finding Your Path in Parenting a Child With Special Needs. He spent his career in marketing and fundraising for nonprofits, including more than a decade at a pediatric therapy center in Louisville, Kentucky. His daughter Sophia was born at 26 weeks at a pound and a half and spent ten weeks in the NICU. The name of his podcast comes from the word disability: take off the first three letters and what is left is ability.

Lisa invited him because a striking number of BTGO's clients are also raising a child with special needs, and the parallels kept surfacing. Two parents who disagree about whether the goal is to fix what is wrong or to build on what is there. The sibling nobody is watching, which Jim illustrates with a mother whose typically developing daughter told a mall Santa she wanted spina bifida for Christmas, because that was what got you trips and attention. The oxygen mask that gets ignored, and the mother who could only ask for help by sitting down on the floor and asking a friend to come sweep it.

They also talk about identity, and the years when nobody uses your name because you are somebody's mom or dad. About the difference between a visible disability and one nobody can see, where a child in a store looks like any other child and the judgment falls on the parent. And about what Jim calls the never-ever list, the inventory of futures a parent rules out in advance, and the argument for putting it down: no parent has a crystal ball for any of their children, and the list costs you the years in front of you. He closes on who he is still looking to interview, which includes adults who grew up as the child with a disability, siblings, therapists, teachers, and the nonprofits doing this work.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Where the name Seeing Ability comes from, and the reframe underneath it
• The parenting split these families hit: fix what is wrong, or build on what is there
• Why the sibling's needs go missing, and the Santa Claus story that made it obvious
• The oxygen mask problem, and what asking for help actually sounds like
• Losing your own name in the parenting years, and why identity matters here
• Visible versus invisible disability, and the public judgment that comes with each
• Turning a stranger's stare into a bridge instead of a fight
• The never-ever list, and what it costs you in the years you are actually living

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 The book, the podcast, and where Seeing Ability comes from
3:00 Why these families carry extra strain
4:30 Sophia's birth at 26 weeks, and the years that followed
6:30 Fixing the problem versus building on ability
8:30 The sibling nobody is watching
10:30 The oxygen mask, and asking for help out loud
12:00 Losing your own name in the parenting years
14:30 Invisible disability, public judgment, and building bridges
17:30 Letting go of the never-ever list
22:30 Who he wants to hear from, and how to reach him

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 Jim Littlefield-Dalmares at Seeing Ability: https://seeingability.com/
🔗 Seeing Ability: Finding Your Path in Parenting a Child With Special Needs: https://www.amazon.com/Seeing-Ability-Finding-Parenting-Special-ebook/dp/B0DBM5BTTK

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.