Does anyone know if John Cena retired from the WWE? (+ 18 more dad jokes!)

0:00My friend let me their Bible and got mad I accidentally ripped out a few pages from the book of revelations. I told him it's not the end of the world. Does anyone know if John Cena retired from the WWE? I haven't seen him lately. Help. My dog just swallowed some coins. I'm monitoring him, but there's still no change. They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now. My wife and I know the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.

1:02She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. I'm an Air Force beef 52 bomber pilot. I'm deployed in war zones, I couldn't find any walmarts and cascos, but they're sure are a lot of targets. I phoned the drug helpline today. A voice said if you require information on cannabis press ash. Why did the teen berry always find themselves in so much trouble? Because they never listened to their elderberry. My wife slipped on a marble staircase on holiday. I reminded her about trip advisor, it didn't go down well. Did you hear about the race in the garden?

2:03The lettuce was ahead, the hose was running, and the tomato was trying to catch up. I'm writing a horror movie about a zombifying virus spread through nursing home food. It's called Night of the Assisted Living Dead. An old train engineer was retiring. So all of his friends decided they wanted to throw him one hell of a retirement party. It was totally off the rails. The laughter isn't over. We'll be back after this brief break. Monster Energy Everybody knows white monster, zero ultra. That's the OG. It kicked off this whole zero sugar energy drink thing. But ultra is a whole line I'm now. We've got strawberry dreams, blue Hawaiian, sunrise, and vice guava.

3:03And they all bring the monster energy punch. So if you've been living in the white can, branch out, ultra's got a flavor for every vibe. And every single one is zero sugar, tap the banner to learn more. I just got arrested for trying to nurse a sick bird of prey back to health. How was I supposed to know it was illegal? And someone won't respect your pronouns. Just use their anti-nails against them. I lost a lot of time this morning because my dog ate my wristwatch. It was time consuming and he even wanted to go back four seconds. I did one firefly say to another. Got a glow now. My friend's son is studying engineering.

4:03I asked him how he did with his exams. I didn't do the well in control systems. Sometimes it can be hard to take negative feedback. What do you call a weird Scotsman? I'm Montgomery Jones, don't miss the bonus joke at the end of the episode. We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide, so do us a favor and share a joke with your loved ones today. Looking for the gift for Dad? We have the official Daily Dad jokes podcast electronic joke button now available on Amazon. A massive 500 preloaded dad jokes guaranteed to make you laugh and groan. Check the show notes page for the link.

5:07The Daily Dad jokes podcast is produced by classic studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. Your little one grew three inches overnight, adorable, also expensive. Sell their pint-sized pieces on Deepop and list them in minutes with no selling fees. Because somewhere, a dad refuses to pay full price for the clothes his kid will outgrow tomorrow. And he's ready to buy your son's entire wardrobe right now. Consider your future growthspurt budget secured. Selling on Deepop, where taste recognizes taste, payment processing fees and boosting fees still apply. See website for details. Out on safari in the African plain, the driver of the van suddenly has to stop. It was a zebra crossing.