Death To Superstition

0:00Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, depending on where you are on the planet, this is Bill Nye at ILL Advise by Bill Nye and it's season three, who knew, can you believe it? And I'm here to answer your questions without actually making things worse. My credentials are that I got nearly everything wrong most of the time in my early life and indeed into my early and late middle age. It took me a while to get the hang of it. So I'm not very good at knowing, particularly knowing what to do, but I'm world class at knowing what not to do. So I could be handy. So try me and we welcome you back. We have many of our familiar features, including the band word list where we will officially band any word you wish to have band from the English language or any other language on your behalf.

1:00And also our other we hope, well loved, feature called, and about you don't understand, I'm with the bander. Where we invite you to tell us about bands you had, hopefully embarrassingly named when you were teenagers. And some of the hopefully embarrassing lyrics that you wrote for your signature tunes. And we've had great fun with that and people have been very generous. So we hope for some more. In fact, I have one here. And this week's contribution comes from Lauren Dolder. And it's entitled, Banana Flavored Jelly Tots Grow on Trees by a band called No Comment with a K. Dear Bill Nye, ever since I discovered you're, I'm with the band feature, I've lived in quiet dread that one of my old school friends would beat me to submitting the utterly humiliating evidence of our teenage musical ambitions. So I've decided to hand us in myself.

2:04It's very brave of you, Lauren. Our band was called No Comment, Spelt Like That with a K. And our signature song was called Banana Flavored Jelly Tots Parenthesis. You know I'm a sucker for parenthesis. Banana Flavored Jelly Tots Grow on Trees. Close parenthesis. The chorus went, Banana Flavored Jelly Tots Grow on Trees. They're so good you'll want to get down and beg on your knees. Banana Flavored Jelly Tots, yeah, they really hit the spot. Once you start, you just can't stop. Banana Flavored Jelly Tots and Jelly Flavored Banana Tots Grow on Trees. Well, it's magnificent, Lauren. I don't know what you're talking about, humiliating. I'm going to say again with more gravitas. I presume it's a ballad. Banana Flavored Jelly Tots Grow on Trees. They're so good you'll want to get down and beg on your knees. Banana Flavored Jelly Tots, yes, they really hit the spot.

3:06Once you start, you just can't stop. Banana Flavored Jelly Tots and Jelly Flavored Banana Tots Grow on Trees. And then Lauren remarks, I wish I could tell you there was some deep metaphor at work. Lauren, I think we've spotted that it's metaphorless. There wasn't. Stranger still, I can't stand anything banana Flavored. Oh, my, with enduring embarrassment, Lauren doled from an unpronounceable place near Lim Popo in South Africa. I'm going to try it. I'm no idea how you say it. It's spelled H-O-E-D, Hoid, Sprite, which is S-P-R-U-I-T. I'm going to Google it live on Mike so that you know that I'd take this stuff seriously. It says, Hood Sprite is pronounced Hood Sprite or Hood Sprite.

4:11Literally translated from its original Afrikaans roots, the English meaning of the town's name is Hat Creek. So there you go. So from Hat Creek in Lim Popo, South Africa, Lauren doled. Thank you. And remember, if you've got any embarrassing lyrics, and we're not here to judge, we're just here to save them and to open our hearts to all young lyric writers everywhere. So please, there be shy. Send them in because we can all laugh at you. And that's good for your character. But yeah, so do let us know. We have all our other features as well, but this is becoming more and more popular because everyone seems to have had a band and they've all got a signature tune. So you can email us at contact us at ill-advisedbybill9.com.

5:11Thank you for all of your questions. Let's hear some. Hi Bill, it's Pip from Melbourne, Australia. I thought of you the other day. I saw someone in a flesh colored t-shirt. It was awful. And I'm assuming you'd agree with me. What are your thoughts? Is flesh color clothing ever okay? Thanks. Well, Pip, you have never seen the color of my flesh, but trust me, if you saw the color of my flesh, you wouldn't want to make a t-shirt out of it. I mean, was the person wearing the flesh colored t-shirt was he tanned like Australian tanned? Or she? Obviously not, because you wouldn't use. Even the words flesh colored. They ought to be on, I think we might have to put them on the banned word list, actually. Flesh is a word that is always worried me. But no, I think, I mean, I don't understand why anyone would do that.

6:13And I'm with you. I think it's absolutely appalling. But it's a good way of spotting people you want to build your life around avoiding. So from that point of view, it's convenient, because it's a pretty clear signal that they're not in very good shape. Why you wouldn't want to wear navy blue, I have no idea, because everybody's going to look better in navy. Hi, Bill. I'm Igor from Brazil. I wish it was possible to voice a vital question. At what point is one morally permitted to have been in a disappointing book one has already started? Even if it was highly recommended, or one that had foolishly been great hopes on it. Thank you. Hello, Igor, and regards to Brazil. I love getting messages from South America. That's a very good question. And it's a thing that people discuss over the years.

7:15When I was young, I thought, because I had a kind of, I suppose, a kind of religious attitude toward books and reading, that if I'd started a book, I had to finish it. And that went on for quite a long time in my early life. But since then, I absolutely think it's OK to abandon a book as soon as your mind starts to wonder. Because often, it's not your fault, not that it's anyone, there's anyone to blame. There's no blame involved if you don't enjoy a book, obviously. But it's often the writing's fault, and that it's not written well enough to keep you there. I now, quite happily and cheerfully, abandoned a book on the third page, the second chapter halfway through. I don't endure books anymore. And things that have heavily recommended,

8:16books have a very personal thing. And people that you would trust in every other area of your life, probably, you can't necessarily rely on when it comes to literary taste. And people have the most extraordinary taste. And they're also vulnerable to all of the propaganda about certain writers and about the subjects. And there's pressure from the publishing world and from the marketing world. And they mythologize writers in the same way as they mythologize actors and all kinds of things. And it's hard sometimes, obviously, to survive that stuff. And then you think, oh, obviously I'm a bad person because I don't regard this book as highly as everyone on the back of the book suggests it should be regarded. But I'm immune to that now. I know a few writers, and I'm particularly admiring of and friendly with a very wonderful writer. And I bought a book not long ago for the plane in Los Angeles,

9:21because he'd recommended it on the back of the book. And then when I saw him next, I said, oh, I bought a book because you recommended it was on the cover. He said, it's bullshit. I said, what? He said, well, you know, what are you going to do? You're going to lose a friend. I said, oh, I see. And then he said, which book was it? And I told him, he said, oh, no, no, that one's not bullshit. That's a good one. But I do think that the people on the back of the book are either drinking buddies or they're sleeping together. But often, you know, you read, I mean, I'm very accustomed to going to the movies, the theatre, listening to an album, which has been hailed as the single greatest debut in a decade, or one of the greatest plays films, albums in the English or any other language, you know, and you go there, and it's completely and fundamentally unremarkable. And yet, at the end of the play, if it's a play,

10:21it will inevitably get a standing ovation. So you have this very lonely feeling of standing or rather sitting on occasion in a theatre, where everyone else is kind of mimicking a standing ovation because they've been told to, because the critics have collectively celebrated a particular play. And it's a very, as I say, lonely feeling, because you just think, maybe it's me, but I don't think so. And it's the same with books, you know, where you hear, it wins a prize or something, and you read it and you think, there is nothing about this that is remarkable. I've just read a book that was given to me by someone who I really like and who I really trust. And on the back and on the front, it's described as one of the greatest books in modern times, and a masterpiece, another big language like that.

11:21And, you know, it's not any of those things. It just isn't. I was about to qualify it by saying, I'm not that educated or something, but you don't have to be. I read, that's what I do, that's my reward for everything. It's my major pleasure. And also, people who read, they want to know what happens, you know, they read for the subject or they read for the story. And I do that, but I'm really more interested in how it's written, how it's expressed, you know, that's what's in it for me. And, you know, and secondarily, I'm keen to know what happens, kind of thing. But anyway, so throw that book away. Or take it to, you know, just take it to the charity shop. There are certain books that are so bad. Well, there's certain books of a period where before everybody cleaned up, where, you know, you buy a book from the 50s or the 60s, you can't have it in the house. Because if I die and my daughter finds it, she sees that I'm reading a book written by some guy

12:23who refers to women in that way, what's she going to think? And then you can't take it to the charity shop because you're passing it on to someone else. So it goes in a public bin. And I have to be a bit fursive about it. Because if people see me walking about, you know, if I do it too near my house, you know, I have to walk three bins down the road to get rid of it. Because otherwise I'll get busted, you know. Or they might go in the bin and find out what I've thrown away. And then it's a thing, you know. Anyway, but ego, be like me. Just if it doesn't keep you there, go elsewhere. That's also a t-shirt. Hello, Bill. It's Stefan from Berlin. I was actually born in France. And I wanted to ask you a question. So there is nothing mischievous about it, even if it may appear this way. I have noticed that the size of the sausage are way bigger in Germany than they are in France. I mean, we have big sausage in France,

13:24but most of them are relatively small. I think the same in the UK. I think you have mostly small sausages. I have the impression that sausages that are too big are somewhat vulgar. What is your opinion about it? Do you think there is a distinguished way to eat a large sausage? Thank you in advance. Stefan, that's an interesting question. And thank you for telling us early on that you weren't being mischievous or anything of that kind. I think it's quite simple. If you can't handle it, stay away from the sausage. If you can't take the sausage, give it a break. I'm not sure about the size of sausages in other countries. I don't know how you would access that information, really. I also think it's not just about size, but also obviously flavor. And the herb of it all, the herbal element,

14:28as they say in America. You don't have to eat the whole sausage in one go. You can always cut it up, maybe half today, or two thirds of it today, and leave a little bit for tomorrow. Hi, Bill. I hope you're well. My name's Sue, and I live in Angus in Scotland, and I really need help with accepting compliments. I'm sure you get plenty of them. So what's your advice? Should I accept it graciously? Be off-handed about it, or give the compliment back. Please help. Sue, I think you've kind of answered your own question with the first option, which is accept it graciously. There's no other way to do it. The trouble with, I'll speak for myself, because I made negative assumptions about myself early on, or I was born that way, I don't know.

15:29And because that persisted into later life, and it became a kind of religion. I was in a sort of cult, a cult of one, which was basically the cult of my inadequacy. And therefore, if anyone said anything positive about me, to me, complimented me, it was kind of against my religion. I was sort of philosophically opposed to it, and I would bridle as if they'd insulted me, because you'd think, well, either you're lying, or you're stupid, or it's conspiracy to make me look stupid, or I was that sort of person. But I learned to say, thank you very much. I'm glad you liked it, or that's kind of you to say so. Or you look at your shoes and say the word well. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, and wait for them to carry on.

16:30Because you do. You're right. I'm in that situation, which we've discussed before, which is where you have to front your work. In other words, you have to be in the dressing room when they come round after the play, or you have to be around when they've just seen a movie that you're in, and people will come up and hopefully say positive things, whether they liked it or not, if they've got any manners, they will compliment you whatever the weather, and you have to survive all those comments. So I am well-practiced at the art of receiving compliments, whether sincere or not, and you get good at it. And you can rely on all those well-known phrases or sayings, you know, just dare to be bland, dare to say, well, you know, I'm glad you like it. You know, I worked quite hard at it. Well, thank you. Yeah, I wasn't sure myself, but now it's good that you agree, or whatever.

17:32You know, just like, I mean, I always want to say, in my case, it may not be applied to you, but in my case, I always want to say, yeah, we had a lot of fun making it. I'm glad you enjoyed watching it, which just makes me love. But yeah, just accept it graciously. I mean, it's not, you know, I could never believe anyone. That was the trouble. But these days, I have accepted the apparent disparity between what they're saying, what they apparently feel, and my own view of myself. And I am prepared to believe that maybe I'm mistaken, and I've got the wrong end of the stick. It's work in progress, but I'm a lot better than I used to be. What it is is good old-fashioned superstition, because I think if I accept a compliment, or any kind of positive response to me or anything I've done, I will be punished. It is like being a medieval peasant, who thinks, you know, that there is a vengeful God or fate, I have no God.

18:35But there's some sort of fate who will frown upon my assuming that I'm worthy of anything. I think that was what was in operation when I was younger. The thing is, you're allowed to look awkward. This is the big thing. You're allowed to look awkward. You're allowed to look at your shoes. You're allowed to blush. You're allowed to wobble your head about and make some unspecified noise. You're allowed to just say, well, you know, that's very nice of you, thank you. I make the mistakes sometimes as saying, you're very kind. And if you say you're very kind, they nearly always say, I'm not being kind, you know, it's for real. And then it sort of prolongs the moment, which you don't want. But anyway, I have a new-ish catchphrase, which is death to superstition. And time now for this week's band words. And remember, I have not seen these words until, well, this is live.

19:36This is happening live. I am discovering the words as you do. So the first word is glamping, which is what people do. So I understand at Glastonbury. And it means you get posh-wellies, fresh smoothies for breakfast. I think you have servants, but it's in a canvas context. And you don't have to sleep on the ground. Anyway, glamping. I don't have it. Remember, I'm just a mouthpiece. All these words have been presented before the permissions committee, which is fictional, but it's still a thing. Oh, yeah. The next one is a sort of job description. It's tech-bro. Tech makes me uneasy. Bro is unforgivable. Let's get that straight. And when it comes to bro, I cease to be just a mouthpiece.

20:38And I become a warrior for truth. Get the hell out of my language. Now, this is spooky and bizarre, because in my cafe this morning, a man came in and said, can I get, which is the Americanism for the perfectly acceptable for centuries' expression, can I have? And have became get because of American television that we watch a lot of. And I've always tried to avoid it myself. I don't know why I resist it. I just think might as well keep it simple, or keep the English language is just fine, as it stands. And can I get the something craven about the use of it, because it's been kind of inculcated? Anyway, ooh, this is, we're not only gonna give you the word, which my professional colleagues can't survive. They're already got their hands in their mouths. This is a perfectly good anatomical term,

21:40but apparently it's gone. And the word is loin's, which for some reason everyone in this room will be at tax paying grown-ups, find irresistibly funny. There's an explanation attached to the, whoever sent this word in, who says, I really, really, that's twice, can't stand this word in any context. I once had a partner who tried to use it in a narousing way. Oh my God, almighty. I'm sure you can imagine how opposite an effect that produced. Let's all imagine that for a moment. I'm imagining it now. Are you imagining it? It's not pretty, is it? Well, it depends actually whether our correspondent is male or female, that would depend on what you imagine. I know what I was imagining.

22:40Oh, it's from Elliot in South Africa. Thank you, Elliot. I'm with you all the way. I hope the partner is no longer a thing, or maybe you forgave her or him, who knows. Anyway, that's this episode's band words or phrases. Glamping, tech bro. Can I get and loins, baby? Hit me with your vigorous loins. Or something like that. It's a bit of a mouthful, too, by the expression. And now, it's time for this week's playlist. And this week's playlist is called, I just need some air. I won't be long. And these are all what you call up tempo numbers. And it starts with the great defender down at the arcade in parenthesis.

23:41You know where I stand on parenthesis. So the great defender start parenthesis down at the arcade, finished parenthesis. And it's written and sung by Lou Reed and contains one of my favorite rock couplets, which is the president called to give me the news. I've been awarded the Nobel Prize for rhythm and blues and Stevie Wonder wants to record one of my songs, which is one of my favorite lyrics in rock. And then there is a song by the Dandy Warholz called Bohemian Like You, which is a very, very cool cute song about two people who work in cafes who both have bands. And it's a very droll lyric. And then a lesser known prince song called, she spoke to me, which I chose because I thought it kind of fits

24:43with the up tempo thing. And then the Jesus and Mary chain, doing deep one perfect morning. I come late to everything because I don't get out much. And I don't really pay full attention. But so the Jesus and Mary chain, I came to two decades after everybody else, but I really liked the Jesus and Mary chain, apart from the fact that they've got one of the best names in rock and roll, what could be called rock and roll. I just think they're a really, really cool and deep band. And then the unpronounceable SJOW, you try it, G-R-E-N, which I think is probably showgren, showgren, along with someone called AJSF, doing too much too soon, which is another up tempo ditty.

25:44And then from the legendary, I think that's fair to say, Chrissy Hind and the pretenders are song you may be familiar with called, I'll Stand By You, which I came across for the first time for a while, recently and just found it irresistible. So that's, I just need some air, I won't be long. This week's playlist, I hope you enjoy it. And now it's time for the book of the episode or book of the week. And the book I've chosen is by Sylvia Townsend Warner, and it's called Lolli Willows. And it was written in 1926. And I really like it, and I like all her books, and all her books are very different. And they're not what they look like. In other words, don't judge the book by its cover, because it starts off, you think, as one kind of book, and turns into something absolutely other. And she writes beautifully,

26:45there's a statue to her now in the town that she lived in, in the West Country, and it's one of those sitting down statues. She sat on a bench with a hamburger, I think. But it's marvellous that they have seen to honour her in that way. The first couple of pages won't tell you much about the book, but I'm going to read them just in order to mark the occasion. When her father died, Laura Willows went to live in London with her older brother and his family. Of course, said Caroline, you will come to us. But it will upset all your plans. It will give you so much trouble. Are you sure you really want me? Oh dear, yes. Caroline spoke affectionately, but her thoughts were elsewhere. They had already journeyed back to London to buy an eyeeder down for the bed in the small spare room. If the washstand were moved towards the door, would it be possible to fit in a writing table between it and the fireplace?

27:46Perhaps a bureau would be better because of the extra drawers? Yes, that was it. Lollie could bring the little walnut bureau with the false handles on one side and the top that jumped up when you touched the spring by the ink well. It belonged to Lollie's mother, and Lollie had always used it, so Sibble could not raise any objections. Sibble had no claim to it, whatever, really. She had only been married to James for two years, and if the bureau had marked the morning room wallpaper, she could easily put something else in its place. A stand with ferns and potted plants would look very nice. Lollie was a gentle creature, and the little girls loved her. She would soon fit into her new home. The small spare room would be rather a loss. They could not give up the large spare room to Lollie, and the small spare room was the handiest of the two for ordinary visitors. It seemed extravagant to wash a pair of large linen sheets for a single guest who came but for a couple of nights.

28:46Still, there it was, and Henry was right. Lollie ought to come to them. London would be a pleasant change for her. She would meet nice people, and in London, she would have a better chance of marrying. Lollie was 28. She would have to make haste if she were going to find a husband before she was 30, poor Lollie. Black was not becoming to her. She looked salo, and her pale gray eyes were paler, and more surprising than ever, underneath that very unbecoming black mushroom hat. Morning was never satisfactory if one bought it in a country town. While these thoughts passed through Caroline's mind, Laura was not thinking at all. She had picked a red geranium flower, and was staining her left wrist with the juice of its crushed petals. So when she was younger, she had stained her pale cheeks, and had bent over the greenhouse tank to see what she looked like. But the greenhouse tank showed only a dark shadowy

29:49Laura, very dark and smooth, like the lady in the old, holy paintings that hung in the dining room, and was called the Leonardo. The girls, said Caroline, will be delighted. That's the first couple of pages, and it tells you very little about what the book turns out to be. And I can't indicate to any degree what it might be because it was spoiler. But trust me, there are surprises in store, like big ones. And I thank you, my thank you for this book. And as I said, her other books are great too, and they're all very different. And she should be considered alongside many of the other celebrated regions of that period. Well, there you go. That's about the size of it. And thank you for listening. And remember, if you want more, if you can't wait,

30:51if you can't tolerate that longer time without us, do consider the back room on Patreon, where there are other features, things you don't get elsewhere, including me reading you, reading you to sleep, probably, because that's apparently the effect that my voice has on people. I've been assured by lots of people, who I meet, who tell me that when they have problems sleeping, they just turn me on and they're out like a light, which is not nothing. It's not quite what I had in mind, but it's not nothing. Anyway, stay loose, and I'll see you next time. Eladvaz by Bill Nidey is produced by Alice Williams and Kiara Gregori, with assistant production by Angelique Somers, pronounced Somers, and Charlotte Ross pronounced Ross. And it's an iPod Studios production.