Controlling What You Can When Everything Else Falls Apart featuring Khalil Zahar

0:00Welcome to the Dad Edge Podcast. The Dad Edge movement creates leaders of men, leaders of families, and leaders of communities. We will not only impact this generation of fathers, but the next generation as well. The kids we are raising will have better chances and odds stacked in their favor because of the amazing example that their fathers emulated for them. We are here to change the world. We are here to change relationships. We are here to positively disrupt this generation of fathers so no man goes to their grave with regrets. We disrupt the drift of busyness and replace it with razor-focused intention, passion, purpose, and direction. We are the Dad Edge and we're here to change the game. Khalil, it's a horror. Welcome to Dad Edge, man. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me there.

1:07Yeah, you're welcome, man. Dude, it's an honor to have you. Like I said, I've been been watching this company fight camp for a really, really long time, especially during the COVID years, you know, and always, always really, really intrigued me. But I want to start, I want to start when you were you were a young guy. You're 39 years old and you were in a place where I think a lot of men really fall into and that's like this place of comfort, right? And then you just you just more less hadn't awakening. But I want to start there. What what happened in your early 20s? Yeah, yeah, there's it's a it's a it's a my early 20s was a very pivotal point. I mean, I'm sure like a lot of people get to really find their purpose a little bit around those age and some guys get blessed by finding it a little earlier than others. And I think I, you know, growing up, I was I was doing, you know, I would say I lived a pretty normal childhood and just tried to

2:11like, you know, do whatever a child and a teenager would do. And as you transform into an adult, I believe at some point you start asking questions about exactly how you're going to live your life. And the horizon of simulation in your head starts to be longer and longer. And for me, I grew up playing sports, I grew up playing soccer a lot. Then I grew up actually doing b-boying break dancing very intensely actually. Believe it or not. And it's a it's a it's an amazing culture very actually men oriented culture. It's probably the only dance that is very heavily done by men instead of actually being actually more female oriented, which little majority of the dances are. And it's a very competitive dance. I get a little bit of, you know, has a little bit of almost that skateboarding culture. And that was my dream was to become a professional

3:12b-boy. And that was occupying a lot of my mindset in my late teens. I was you know, I was fortunate enough to have been raised with a lot of like education was important. School was important in my in my household. So I always had that but at some point I wanted to become this pro b-boy that was like my passion. And I had a lot of it is a very intimidating scene. It's like the scene of b-boying is a little bit like it's pretty cutthroat, you know, and has a lot of like hip-hop roots where you're basically trying to humiliate your opponent to it. So talking about discomfort that was basically as far as I went. And at some point in my early 20s, you know, basically I came back at some point from a bar, you know, late night. And I used to have this ritual where I would just watch sports, sports center. And I would like eat a bite, watch one

4:18air and then go to bed. And I get on this segment that basically they're talking about LeBron James in all of his accomplishments. And for some reason I kind of approached sports and my own kind of aspirations as always thinking you have time, you know, as a young guy, you always have time to like, you know, really like peak. And I was like, I think I was between 20 and 22, I don't remember. But I remember having like a bit of a shock by finding out that actually the Bronze James was my age. And really like this idea of like I have time to become the person I need to become was not exactly true anymore. Like I actually did not have that much time. And I needed to like really start getting after it. And the realization that I had this super late night by myself watching sports center is I think there was a lot of fear of trying

5:21to follow your dreams, trying to really get to this best version of yourself. And that I wasn't even though I had this goal in this dream, I actually was not doing what was necessary for me to accomplish it. And that was a bit of a weird night for me because like at that point in time, I made that decision that I have to stop just trying a little bit. Like I have to actually try with my full intention to become, you know, the best version of myself. And that I would find out basically. And that was the scary part is I would find out what are my limits. And I decided to basically like find out. I decided to like take the risk to maybe find out that I didn't have what it takes to do whatever I wanted to do. And that was a different mindset from that on, from from they're on out and after. When there it was literally whether it was at school, whether it was

6:21in my dream to become a professional keyboard, as well as to become, you know, the best version of myself, whether with girls or like any single aspect. Now I was going to find out exactly what was my limit. And you know, that that was a that was a leap of faith that I think I've never done basically until that point in time when I was like, you know, 20 to 22 result. I was like, when ambition, when ambition really kicked in. Yeah. So going back to that, what was the first thing you did? What was the first thing you stepped into? Well, you know, being a young, a young man that's my interest were pretty, pretty shallow in a lot of ways. I mean, obviously I had, I had my dream of becoming a bboy. So the first thing that I decided to do was actually to put in the time, you know, put in the the amount of like approaching training in a way that I was going to like not have this excuse that, oh, you know, I'm doing good

7:27for the time that I'm putting in. Right. Same thing in school, you know, when I had like a I was always a little bit approaching school in a way that was like, oh, like for the time that I'm putting in, I'm getting good scores, for example. And believe it or not, the last thing was with girls, was to actually try to go after the girl that I was the most into instead of like waiting until I feel like this is coming to me. And those were, you know, young men's shallow thoughts, but they meant a lot to me at the time. And I just decided that whatever I was going to do that I really care about, I was actually going to try to be great at it. That's good, man. And so it's it's literally like leveling up, you know, leaving, like when I say the term leaving nothing on the table, is that really resonate? Very much so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or taking chances that you normally wouldn't, like getting outside your comfort zone, not settling, right? Yeah, that's right. And, and, you know,

8:31having an honest conversation with myself about, you know, like, like literally, being a little bit less apprehensive about this conversation of, can I, you know, like, do I have what it takes to, you know, to, to get a full, full exploitation of my potential and then maybe finding out that I didn't like the answer. Yeah. How did, so just out of curiosity, like, what came up for you? So you would try different things, attempt different things, some things I'm sure you succeeded at, some things I'm sure you might have failed at. But how did you, how did you respond to things that that didn't necessarily go your way? Like, so like the, the pretty girl that you wanted to talk to, like, or ask out and maybe it didn't go your way or maybe pushing yourself physically in that, in that realm of break dancing or doing something that was harder than, I was like, your comfort zone, how did you take, how did you take failure? Well, this is where like my relationship with failure started changing because I started to see a lot more value in failure, basically because like,

9:38the first time I felt like I was doing it, what I found out is that even though things don't go your way and, and you know, whether it is like, you basically find out that you're, you have this, this flaw or you have this limit. For some reason, I thought it was going to be devastating of a, of a learning and then that being actually quite powerful where like momentum actually increased in whatever that was, you know, and that I actually was enjoying very much the process of betterment and that it didn't really have an end, like it wasn't like going to be this final answer that you can't and then you're stuck there, that it was just becoming a never ending pursuit and that as long as you have the motivation to work on this thing, you may not end up exactly in the lane that you thought you were going to end but you always end up almost discovering a new thing of yourself and that I liked that new thing even though it wasn't exactly my first thought, I was

10:45discovering a better person on the other side of it. So I started really thinking it's almost a cheat code and that I just was seeking it after that. For all my dad, business owners out there, quick break, I need your attention because I've got something special. On September 24th, at 10am and on September 25th at 8am central, both times are central, 10am central and 8am central. I'm going to do something that I've never done before. I'm going to open up the doors to something that we never do. Five full-time business owner dads per call can sit in and experience the dad-edge business boardroom brotherhood for themselves. You're going to see exactly how we hold them accountable, how we operate and some of the skills that we teach around marriage, fatherhood, business, health and actually enjoying the journey, enjoying your life, enjoying your marriage. So if you've been curious about the dad-edge boardroom brotherhood, this is your chance.

11:47I'm going to open up five spots, their first come, first serve. All you have to do is go to the dad-edge.com forward slash guest. Right there, you can schedule it, it'll lock into your calendar, you'll see the zoom link and we will see you on either September 24th at 10am central or September 25th at 8am central. Again, these are five spots. If you go to the link and it's closed, the five spots are already taken. Again, go to the dad-edge.com forward slash guest. Yeah, it reminds me of the quote I think it was Thomas Edison that when he tried to make a light ball with a thousand times and when asked, he said, I learned how to not do it a thousand times. So, you know, it's funny, man. I'm 51, so I'm a bit older than you. And I would say, I really started embracing failure maybe a decade ago. And I wish I would have done it much sooner because I was always so terrified. I mean, even like, even like take the pretty girl example, I think every guy can relate to that. If I'm like, well, if I ask her out and she says, no, well, then it

12:49was like a story of an end result or an end road would come with that. Or I would seek, or it was validation that wasn't good enough. And now it's like raising four boys and being an entrepreneur myself, it's like, I'm like, no, let's go try that. Yeah. You know, we don't make stupid decisions by any means, but we don't get paralyzed by analysis either. It's like, hey, let's go, let's go give it a shot and see what we learn, see what we do. Yeah. And it's like, there's always, whether it's a success or not, quote unquote, a success, it's, there's always like tremendous learning there. We always say in our family, fail forward and fail fast to learn, you know, because that's those are the greatest lessons, man. You know, before I introduce you, I know you don't have kids and you're not married, but I don't think I need to tell you this that most parents, man, all you get, all you have to do is go to a literally game and you see the parents like freaking out if their kids are going to fail or do something wrong or whatever else. But I wouldn't really love for just for this segment to put a bow on it. Like if you could actually share a lesson when it comes for fathers listening to this, for husbands listening to this,

13:53as it relates to failure, if they're scared about doing something because it makes them feel uncomfortable, what advice would you give them? Um, you know, I had in my friends group, for example, it's it's actually a very common topic like, my friends group evolved also with time where like, you know, my friends group today is actually a much more of a risk taker for friends group. But there's always like this moment where like one of us is just, you know, we can feel that there's fear and that it's keeping them from, you know, accomplishing whatever they want to accomplish in their lives. And, you know, as tupas as it sounds, it's doing the first step is the hardest. Like if fortune favors the brave so much, I find in life works in very mysterious ways, in that sense that like literally finding any type of edge that you can to not be feared to do

14:54the first step, let a lot of you don't have to commit to the full journey, but like tomorrow, what is that one thing you can do to just challenge this fear? And often that's enough for you to like get the confidence that this fear is going to go away because again, just beautiful things happen whenever you actually challenge yourself. Like there's a, there's a growth process that becomes addictive only when you're you're actually ready to try. So I don't try to bring it to the outcome as much. I don't try to bring it to listen, if you just pay the price in a very long time and it's painful, like it's a little bit too far fetch. I find that people get even more complacent whenever they you present it like that. But if you start more so with the little thing that you can do tomorrow, just as a way to get into the game, I find that it's always the best way to get out of a place where you stuck.

15:57I agree, man. I'm so glad you said that. That's what I've noticed too. Or the past decade, it's like taking that. It's like what, you know, I always ask myself, what is the right next step? What is what is the right next move here? And that just that clarity, it's not like, okay, what is what is 10 miles look like from right now? It's like, no, what is the first step in this 10 miles look like? And that that creates like so much momentum. But man, I love that. I love that. Well, man, I want to introduce you officially to the crew here. You've got quite a bio here. So yeah, all right. So first of all, Khalil Khalil Zahar, first of all, I want to say, man, it's an honor to have you here. One of the things I've learned over the years is that every man, every guy, we all want confidence, but very few of us are willing to consistently put themselves in situations that actually build it. The truth is this is that confidence isn't something that we read about. It's something that we earn through adversity, through discomfort, and through repetition.

16:57You've built your life and your business around that philosophy. And we're actually going to get into philosophy in this show too, which I'm really excited about. But you're the founder and the CEO of Fight Camp. You've taken on one of the biggest, one of the oldest disciplines in the world, which is boxing and transformed it into the one most innovative, connected fitness platforms on the planet. Along the way, you've raised over $100 million from world class investors and attracted support from legends like Mike Tyson, Floyd Mayweather and George St. Pierre. But here's what really stood out with me when it comes to Fight Camp and you creating this. It's your belief that lessons are learned in the ring go far beyond fitness. They shape identity, they build resilience, they teach emotional control, and they prepare men to lead with greater purpose at home, at work, and in every area of their life. And what we're going to talk about today is why identity comes before discipline, how intentionally embracing discomfort builds real confidence. And what every husband and father can learn from the mindset of a fighter when it comes to leading their families with

17:58strength, with presence and composure. So you're not married, you have no kids. But as far as a hobby goes, you're not only the founder of Fight Camp, but you're also a DJ and you have a major passion for the music production business. So I'm really excited to get into this conversation, man. But here's where I want to start. I want to start with something that you've talked about over over the years that's kind of that's been a bit controversial and that's your philosophy behind this. So what is your philosophy behind this? Yeah, so my philosophy around this is, you know, good. In recent years, I feel like the conversation got a little bit lost where you know, the discipline of seeking discomfort and the idea of pain as part of a process of betterment was a little bit not a popular thing to talk about where like recently it was more about like acceptance, right? Is, you know, like fully accept whatever you are fighting instead and you know, forgive yourself, which I think has a lot of merit. But I believe that we lived a bit in

19:05in an era where just like good old hard work and you know, like betterment was somehow like lost popularity in the common conversation. And we are basically going a little bit 180 with that where like we we think it's a necessary process to actually find peace in yourself. And yes, I think you have to give yourself the credit for going through a process and being on a trajectory in a journey. But on the other side, you know, our philosophy is listen, if you don't put in the work, if you don't actually battle your fears head on, you might live a life that you know, you will regret not having taken actions on. And that trends that really is so much the essentials of martial arts that we find that the practice of martial arts is really this kind of like daily, you know, teeth brushing, hygiene for your mind to really connect this inner this inner fighter to your current

20:13self. And I think that you know, we believe this is an important part of, you know, becoming the best version of yourself. And if you don't consistently battle this muscle of complacency, I think that this is where sometimes the mind starts spiraling into what ifs. And this is where you lose your center. Yeah, let's let's talk about that a little deeper because I'm a big fan of discomfort is is literally one of the one of the easiest pathways to knowing what your potential is and knowing like really, really who you are. But so many of us, man, I mean, we live in a society where like, you know, a comfort can be, you know, one of the elements of comfort is like distraction. Like being on our phones, right? Or numbing ourselves with alcohol or pornography or just avoidance of these things. But as far as like, you know, if men are listening right now and

21:14they're like, man, this is really hitting me. I feel a little bit too comfortable where I'm at. Maybe it's a man who's dealing with maybe he's got the dad bod, right? Here we're in deep down, he's like, well, I've got the dad bottom embracing it, but deep down he's not really embracing it, right? Or he's not, he's not living to his potential in some way, shape or form. What do you think is going back to what we talked about earlier, which is like the right next move? What have you, what would you advise a man to do as far as that right next thing just to get a little bit of comfort and just a little bit discomfort? Yeah, I think the, I think the, the biggest thing to think about is who you are is not what you think is who you are is what you do. And what you do, you control today. Like you control what you can do exactly today. It doesn't matter if you have the outcome that you're seeking out. Let's say you're trying to get rid of the dad bod. I think it's becoming

22:15basically finding out exactly your identity of who you believe this person needs to, to, to look like to do on a day to day basis. What is this version of myself would do? And, and bridging the gap between what you do today and what they would do is the answer to then achieving the outcome. Like start with the identity and then the outcomes will come. So if you're trying to be healthy and inspiring dad to your kids that has their health under control, of course you'd like to teleport right away to the outcome of having the health that you're seeking or the fitness or the shape or whatever you're seeking. But if you just keep, if you fill up your head with the outcome, people usually they can't sustain the change because they're focusing on the end results and they're not really appreciating enough the journey to get there which is this uncomfortable

23:20by design. Otherwise, everyone would do it. So instead of thinking about that is what does a dad that actually is healthy and has their their body under control instead of the other way around? What do they do on a day to day basis? Well, they probably they have the exercise that's that's a part of the bridge you have to make. So forget about the body, forget about the outcomes. Start with changing what you do and basically starting to live a life like this person would be living. And suddenly working out on a day to day basis starts up a very different meaning because now I'm basically becoming this person because I work out. Forget about the scale, forget about losing fat, forget about becoming better at martial arts. You're just now you're starting to resemble more and more to the person you want to be resembling in your head. And things when when people do that,

24:23there's suddenly there's a there's a lot less fear. It gets filled a lot more with a lot more aligned decisions and strategies. And now I am a lot more motivated to stay within that identity. And that actually sticks a lot more. Like you end up actually becoming the person you really want to become. When you focus on doing on a day to day basis, what this person thinks like you think this this person should be doing. So identity first outcome second. Let me ask you one question. Does it feel like your marriage has become more about managing the schedules, the kids, the bills and the responsibilities, then it feels like it's actually connected. If you're anything like me, I spent over half my marriage in that place. And what I did was as I talked more, I explained myself more, I worked harder trying to fix things and somehow I only seem to create more distance. And maybe you feel that way too because that's what we call roommate

25:24syndrome. But here's the truth. Most marriages don't fall apart because the men stop caring. It falls apart because we're actually never ever taught how to lead emotionally and actually create attraction. This is exactly why I created roommates to soulmates and this is cohort three that's going to be coming up. It's an eight week program that I teach live. I personally walk you through how to stop creating pressure on your marriage, become the calm grounded leader, communicate without neediness, build real attractions, stop chasing reassurance, stop trying to fix your wife's emotions and instead become the man that your marriage naturally responds to. These are the same leadership principles that you are going to learn. Week in and week out in my next eight week cohort that starts on Wednesday, September 16th. And before we begin, I'm going to be hosting two free preview calls where I'll teach some of these concepts and you'll get a taste of what you're going to learn. So join me on Tuesday, September 8th at 8 p.m. Central or Wednesday, September 9th at 10 a.m. Central,

26:30whichever time works best for you. If you're ready to stop surviving your marriage and start leading it, come join us or at least check out the free call. If you head on over to the dadedge.com forward slash soulmates, you can reserve your spot for these two preview calls or simply join the next cohort. I can't wait to see you there. And again, head on over to the dadedge.com forward slash soulmates to RSVP for the two preview calls or to simply join the next cohort that starts on September 16th. Can't wait to see you there. I want you to dive a little deeper on that one because this is a deep topic. And I think it goes right in line with your philosophy. A lot of men are so focused on and I used to be as well on what do I need to do? Right? It's the tactical things. One of my greatest coaches, one of my greatest mentors is it's not necessarily what you need to do. Yes, that's important. That's an element. But who do I need to be calm in order to do that? Right? So I'll give you an

27:32example. My I used to a while back. I used to compete in fitness and bodybuilding competitions. And it was always really, really interesting. Like because it wasn't like the first time I ever did it shows in 1995. Like it was a long time ago. It was 19 years old. And the last one I did was in 2022. I actually did it with my son who was 14th of the time. He's 18 now. We did it together. And one of the most fascinating things, because I've competed now 13 times. But yes, you can do the tactical things. I know I need to eat these certain foods. I can't drink alcohol. I need to do you know, this amount of cardio. I need to lift this much. I need to do this, this, and this. I need to drink a lot of water. It's all these what tactics. But the most fascinating transformation that I think I've ever realized in going through something like that and it doesn't have to be bodybuilding could be running an ultramarathon. We're running a regular marathon. For some people, it's like a 5K. But it's that journey of who you become during that process. It's like, you

28:37know, you look back and like I always remember like, you know, coming off stage and like, you know, being done with that show. And I'm like, man, like I became this person with so much discipline that I didn't even know that I had. And like, I'm actually capable of that regimen of that discipline, no matter how hard it got, no matter how tired I was, no matter how burnt I was on chicken. I still was able to do it. And it became like David Goggins talks about like a cookie in the cookie jar like, man, like did that, right? And that's who I became. But yeah, I would love for you to dive just a little bit deeper on that who. I think it's a very personal question and personal answer to everybody, right? Like it's like everyone has their own version of that and it can get so granular. So it starts with maybe this fitness journey you're on and then it bleeds into, you know, parenthood, it bleeds into like, you know, relationships, it bleeds into work. And I think for me, my process to actually find that who

29:43starts often with, you know, I would say a dream, like there's a figure in my head, which is who is this person that I, who's the clue that I think I can be, right? And like this idea, this dream is kind of built like brick by brick and it's fluid, it changes with time. But being quite intentional about having this kind of like identity in my head, will definitely like to your point, the more defined it is, I think the more success you're going to have by by bridging the gap. And by then, then there's a lot of trial and error into like, what do I believe this person needs to do? And at some point even by trying, you realize sometimes like, okay, like I didn't, I didn't picture this downside, right? Of this dream or so forth that I'm pursuing. And you know what? Let me refine a little bit that dream. But fairly quickly,

30:47these two things kind of starts to match. And whenever they get closer and closer, there's, I feel my confidence at that point actually changes. Right? And I feel more aligned. And I feel less doubtful. I feel less worried. I feel more present. That's how it feels. That's how the process feels to me. I don't want to come and bring a question properly. I'm actually really glad you went down that road of how it feels. Yeah. Because I think, let me pose this a different way. When we get this, when we get uncomfortable, sometimes what we want to do is get way too into our feelings. And the negative aspects of that, right? And the discomfort like, ah, this is not comfortable. But there's a lot of beauty that also comes out of that. I went, so maybe go down that road. So. And what you're saying basically is, how does it feel with the discomfort whenever you go through it at that point? Yeah. But then also like the beauty that comes out of that discomfort, like actually the discomfort and how it actually

31:51starts to feel actually pretty positive and pretty good. Yeah. To me, the biggest benefit, I think of seeking discomfort and going through it is that it's, it's removes fear essentially. Like there's a fear removal process with discomfort. So you're trying to, you know, get in shape to take like the most basic example. You know, a lot of the times people will have different fears such as, um, okay, like I don't know if I can sustain this. I don't know if I, I will actually be able to check my food for this amount of time and exercise this much for this week. And every time you check out one more, you know, meal that you consider you, you didn't enjoy necessarily the process of doing it, but you are like deciding to portion control and so forth and get disciplined at it that there's a, there's a, hey, I am, can I do it? Like as I'm, I'm seeking this discomfort,

32:55I am doing it and I'm still alive and I, I still, I'm, I went over this obstacle and usually like, you start feeling a boost of confidence in that moment in time. It's not really outcome related. It's actually more so the, the idea that you're able to not be slave to your, to your fear and obstacles that is extremely empowering because then like the world starts to open and it gets to get cracked open and it's like, well, I guess like every self limiting belief that I have, I, I guess if I, I could put my mind to it, I'll get over it. And to me, that's how like confidence really gets shaped up. Like even sometimes when you accomplish something in the past and you know, it's in the bank of things you've done. Maybe it's like I have done my latest bodybuilding competition. I find that even if you've done it in the past, if you don't continue to do it, I find that you, you get to tend to actually go back and still feel a little bit of that. Now like self, self doubt

34:00starts to fill it up again because that's, that's not a distant memory and I'm not that guy anymore. So it feels like you, to me, that this, this is an ever ending process, you know, like if you think about Bruce Lee and the philosophical aspect of, you know, achieving the, the fighter's edge, it's an endless pursuit. It never has like an end. And I think understanding that makes your approach, this would a lot more of a journey based, you know, exercise where today and right now is what matters. Less so like these milestones and snapshot, whether in the future of the past, which then for some reason actually ends up with coming your brain a lot because you're not focusing so much on like the end data point or x, y, and z, although it does help to have goals. Your set actually to be just in focused on the present moment. And now you actually feel a

35:03a lot more at peace because you know that you are, you know, you're on that trajectory, but this is about what I do today that actually matters the most. So it works in mysterious ways of how these things are coming together. But I find that when I start not even though like I achieved x, y, and z, you know, like even for example for our business at some point, especially during COVID, I mean like we were the hottest, you know, like one of the hardest companies in our sector. And that's, this is now, right now that COVID has ended, it feels like a distant memory like it's cool and I can talk about that, but it's about right now, you know, and what I can do today, you know, to better to better my business example. Yeah, I like that, man. It's one of my greatest mentors said the way to build confidence is to keep your word to yourself or others. So like for instance, if you're going to be like, hey, I'm going to get up tomorrow morning and train at 5 a.m. The alarm goes off. You hit this

36:05news bar for an hour and a half. That's going to kill confidence. First, it's like I didn't really feel like it not like I got up, right? I didn't feel like going to the gym, but I went to the gym. It's like literally like the, this chiseling away of doing the things that maybe we don't feel like doing, but we're keeping our word to ourselves and others. So I love that, man. I'm so glad you talked, overly about that. I want to, I want to switch gears a little bit here. So I would love for you to talk about this next element, which is what a husband and father can learn from having the mindset of a fighter when it comes to leading their family with strength, with presence, and with composure. I heard this crazy quote just the other day that this woman was talking this way. It was like a debate and she's like, I'm a lover, not a fighter. He goes, that's impossible. She's like, how so? He's like, well, if you love something, you're going to fight for it. So yeah, you can't have love without being a fighter and you can't be a fighter without love. So let's put this through

37:10the lens of a husband and father. Like, so first of all, what do you believe the mindset of a fighter is? Okay, so if I have to coin it into, you know, kind of like one sentence or two, I would say that whenever we speak about, you know, in the culture of fighters and martial artists, these phrases actually really travel from like, you know, the boxing world to the MMA world to even, you know, like the traditional martial arts, whether it is like karate, kung fu, and the philosophical aspects of, you know, martial arts 50, 100 years ago. And it's always about these three, four different, I would say patterns or I would say topics. One of them is discipline, right? And the concept of discipline is to be able to do what you don't want to do. Right? Like, that's as simple as that.

38:10Like it's discipline is when you end up doing what you should be doing, even though you really don't want to. And that what that gives you is control. And like, that means that basically you are not slave to how you're going to feel a specific moment. You have the ultimate focus of being able to take your life wherever you want it to go. So from a skill standpoint, whether as a dad or like, even on an education basis, like it's probably one of the strongest thing you can ever teach your kids. You know, like this is like, I used to look up to my father a lot when he comes to this because he had insane discipline at work. And, you know, like even nowadays, I'm like, oh my god, like, I have a hard time kind of replicating his level of discipline because I've seen him, you know, come back to from the office and continuously kind of like, you know, chip in at the work with like really like a

39:14deep discipline and passion, even though like, you know, he didn't want to at times. So I think it provided me with a great, you know, model to follow. So again, the concept of discipline is always present. I would say the concept of the little things, right? And whatever you do in here, you have to do it with the same, you know, I would say alignment or a level of dedication in all of these other things, which you know, kind of like comes back a little bit to discipline in a lot of ways. But there's a craftsmanship with the training that I think really applies also to the rest of life, right? Like is if you take into approach that like, everything you're touching is a little bit like this small piece of art that you're consistently doing, whether it's like doing lunch all the way to, you know, like taking care of, I don't know, the house or anything else. There's a there's a craftsmanship

40:18that that becomes a little bit this level of, you know, passion that you will take everything everywhere, everywhere you go and everything you do, you'll apply that. Another one is that you can't control the the opponent, right? Like you cannot control the opponent, you cannot control the environment. All you can do is be prepared to react to it. Right? So I think this is a life lesson that I think is very useful because sometimes we get really get caught on the fact that my circumstances are not in the way that I think another people has it easier, for example, or you can get mad at life or not going your way. But ultimately, the very much the only thing you control is what you do when that happens. And I think that when you take this approach, it brings a lot of peace, you know, because like you don't, you don't stop. You don't, you don't get caught into evaluating what's

41:21happening to you. Instead, you get a lot more focused on what you do in circumstances x, y, and z. So again, I think for me, for my, for my education standpoint, I think again, this is like the, one of the biggest thing, the next generation can learn, you know, is the ability to not get caught into like, especially in nowadays with like everything happening, you know, like the fear of AI and so forth and so forth. I think that the survivors are going to be the ones that just control on, you know, what they can do to react to the system that is completely out of our control and just focus on that instead. And that brings a, in my opinion, a much more peaceful approach to life. Um, the last thing is, you know, the theme of, of losses and failure, which is very different actually than than other sports and, and I would say other art forms, but losing is, is very much praised in martial arts. Like you learn in losses, right? And, and you're thankful for your

42:26opponent. You're not, you're not hateful of your opponent for having, you know, like inflicted a loss to you. You're welcome for the lesson. And, uh, this idea of getting knob, knob down and standing back up is very much, you know, a fighter mentality. So again, a little bit related to not controlling the circumstances and not controlling the environment or what happens, but instead controlling how you react to it. So you're not, it's, it's a mentality that I think doesn't make you focus on what happened. It's a mentality that really focuses on what you can do today to react to that. So ultimately, I think it's, um, it's, it's a very peaceful, you know, peaceful approach to life. And there's a lot of learning there. And I think that, in my opinion, in, in, the day where today you can get caught, caught up into social media, everything that happens around the world. And so much, you know, I would say stressors, I think this is becoming more and more

43:28important, actually, to be able to like, you know, blur out the negativity, focus a lot more on my approach to it and my contribution to my own life, which I don't think you find in a lot of places. I love that man. I, um, I have a quick story that kind of hits that home like it's controlling the controllables and how you react to it. So, uh, last year, about 15 months ago, I tore my patelli 10 and a half. I don't recommend that that injury whatsoever. But, um, I got pretty depressed like the first couple weeks because like, it's like a year long recovery from that thing. And, um, yeah, I had this wild idea. Except the time I was probably in the best shape of my life as far as like not competing. I was about, I don't know, seven, eight percent body fat. And I was like, I can't move. I can't work out. But what can I do? And one of my greatest mentors said, you got to control the controllables.

44:32You have to train around it some way, shape, or form, still move your body. You can't, you can't walk right now. But you can do other things. You can train your upper body. You can do this. You can do that. You can focus on your PT. You can focus on your nutrition, your micronutrients. I made this wild goal. I was like over the next year, despite not being able to run or walk for at least the next probably three to six months. I'm going to stay under 10 percent body fat for the next year, while I recover. I actually did it. I think the highest I got was 9.7. And, uh, but dude, I, I did that very thing. I was like, I'm just, I was going to control what I control. I'm going to take my micronutrients. I'm not going to drink. I'm going to eat super clean. I'm going to move my body. I'm going to focus everything on recovery rehab and just eating as clean as I possibly can. And I actually achieved it. But like, I think the old me would have been like just went into a dark hole, depression, ate whatever I wanted to drink, drank a lot of beer, you know, trying to numb everything. But it was like one of the coolest, um, you know, it sucked. I'm not going to lie. But

45:33there's one of the coolest experiences I think I ever have. It's right in line with what you're talking about. I just love that man. That's crazy. Cause I just injured my thumb really badly. You know, it's still a little bit swollen, but like I cut my, my thumb to the bone. They're like once in a lifetime. How'd you do that? You know, they're like cut the stupidest, uh, the stupidest thing I was putting a pyrix, you know, taperware into the dishwasher. Like I wish this was this grandiose story where we all met at all. Uh, and, uh, it broke because I banged in on the counter, but it broke literally where I was holding it firmly. And, uh, basically the top half of my thumb was like hanging in a different direction. You know, it's really bad. Oh, and, um, went to the doctor, I had to go like undergo surgery for, you know, like tendon repair, nerves and, you know, like today, I don't feel, uh, a good portion of it. And, um, my approach was a little similar because I, you know, it's like,

46:35okay, I'm not going to be able to work on my upper body. I have this like other lingering injury. I've been like kind of working to get back into it, but I can't really work out in the way I would usually work out. And I had a very similar approach. I'm like, well, if that's going to be the case and the, the recovery is long for the thumb, like, you know, this is kind of the max I can bend it right now. And I have to like do PT for it. Um, and I was like, I'm just going to go the most, like I'm going to put all of that energy and I'm just going to control my eating like crazy. And, um, you know, take almost like, almost take advantage of what's happening to be the most Dalton with nutrition I've been. And, um, you know, I was able to like really control my, my weight and frankly, like damage control, the non workout for a while. And I would go on these walks and I would do like all the stuff that I could do to just be able to stay active a little bit. But it gave me a sense of purpose that basically I was like, okay, this is just training,

47:37but differently right now. Yeah. And it made the recovery a lot less, you know, depressing. Like, I couldn't even type at the beginning now I can type. So I had to like find always to like the do the uh, speech to text apps to be able to continue to work and so forth. But, um, I enjoyed the process of basically taking advantage of that. And, you know, almost like a little bit of a challenge is how can I learn like how can I develop different, almost different skills? You know, and, and boost, take advantage of that as an excuse to really boost certain aspects that before I had to like take some of that time and like put it elsewhere. So I relate to it just dude. Yeah, control the controls. Yeah, it wasn't a sexy injury. You know, it was a tough way that errors, it was glass that attacked you. People people asked me like, how'd you do it? I was like, it's uh, it was tug of war. That was, that was mine. Tug of war. Yeah, man. A little absurd dominance.

48:40Yeah. Yeah. Why is funny, man? Before I picked it, it was between me and one of the guys. And I literally said before I said to my, I said to myself before I picked up the rope, um, I'm either going to break or I'm going to dive and I'm not going to let, I'm not going to let go of this rope. And I'm breaking. So yeah, but um, well, listen, man, as we wrap up here, I want to make sure that the audience can find you. Um, also like all your social media and as far as like, um, you know, fight camp is concerned, you know, where they can find out more information about that. But where's the best place for guys to find fight camp to find you all this good stuff? Yeah. Yeah. So you can, uh, you can find us if you're interested in learning more about fight camp, go to www.fightcam.com. Uh, we are also on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook at fight camp. And you can find me personally on Instagram at Cleal, K H A M I L Zahar Z A H A R. And you can follow me there.

49:43Outstanding. Well, guys, we're going to have all the links in the show notes for you. Go check out Cleal, go check out fight camp. Uh, a kind man is also a dangerous man. That's one thing we always say. If you guys go to dadedge.com.4 slash 1526 for this show again, the dadedge.com.4 slash 1526, we'll have all those links in the show notes for you. Cleal, this was awesome, man. Thank you so much for coming on. We dove deep on philosophy. A lot of different things about mindset, but this was great, dude. And most importantly, the who we need to be. And I'm not necessarily, yes, the what to, but the who. Thank you for coming on. My pleasure. Thanks for having me.