Choreplay with Jordan Carlos

This is an I Heart podcast.

Guaranteed Human.

Let me get this straight.

You and Italy.

Ciao.

Pretend it to be the white Italian man's fiance.

Hard to please.

This is Michael, my nephew.

What's your name?

Then you ended up catching feelings

for the black Italian cousin brother's mom.

On April 10th, she came for the pasta

and got lost in the sauce.

Please, just tell me the truth.

I don't know.

Is he fine, though?

Come on, baby.

She's not gonna say it.

She's trying to love me, baby.

You be in Tuscany.

Ready to be 13.

Only Peter's April 10th.

May be inappropriate for children under 13.

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Hello, it is Ryan.

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Welcome to we talk back podcast, the production of I heart radio

and the black effect network.

We're just too unapologetically black women within the pinion.

Talk back.

What's up, y'all?

She grew a J holiday.

What's up, Tambam?

Hey, girl.

Hey, girl.

Thank y'all for coming back for another episode.

I missed y'all so much.

How was your weekend?

I had been full.

I didn't do shit for real.

You be lying.

And I missed a really nice event in Charleston on Sunday,

but I didn't get out the house for it.

I literally did nothing this weekend.

I felt good about it.

Yeah, sometimes that's what you need.

I pay bills.

That's the most I did was put my laptop out

to pay my light bill and shit.

Well, that's all good.

Let me tell you what happened to me this weekend.

I just feel like shit.

Like it just be chaos, right?

Like, all right.

I got a so I haven't I don't move into my place and Charlotte

until the first.

I had to push it.

They pushed it back to the first.

So that's my official movie today.

I was supposed to move in Friday.

So I ended up getting a room for the night after work Friday night.

And I just got a room at the double tree of town, right?

And I was tired.

I left Columbia like six in the morning.

I got here eight and I worked till eight at night.

So now it's like almost nine.

I'm checking in my room.

I'm like, I can't wait to lay down and just eat my little burger.

I go in the room.

I open the door.

I walk.

I step one foot in the room.

And I slip on something.

And then I feel the floor to get up.

And it's good.

Something gooey under me.

And I was like, yeah,

something like dead in this one.

Because I can't see it having turned on the light shit.

The door closed behind me.

I'm like, there's a dead body in here.

I'm sure somebody's going to kill me in this bitch.

I know it.

And I left my pistol in the glove compartment.

I'm dead.

I turned on the light.

Girl, it's dukey water all over the floor.

It wore the brand like for the toilet.

Oh, my God.

This overflowed all over the floor.

Like in the doorway.

It looks like I don't know if it came out the sink or the toilet.

I don't know.

I didn't stay to inspect.

When I tell you I screened to the top of my lungs,

it probably sound like somebody was getting killed in.

Because I was hollering dukey water girl.

I'm back in the booth.

So I heard my yes, I twisted my foot.

The foot that I broke, I'm back in the booth.

Shut the fuck up.

Yeah, I'm back in the booth.

Look at crazy.

Look at fucking crazy.

I hear a game like a lawsuit.

What?

At least.

Girl.

Girl, what?

I got pictures.

I got to send it to you.

It's I'm talking dukey water friend.

I was like,

like screaming hollering.

And they need to go get a shot.

You're going to get a tetanus shot too.

Yeah.

They gave me a shot.

Like I went to the hospital.

I went to the hospital.

They did X-rays on my foot.

I did not re-break the bone.

I did some injury.

In my butt bone too.

Like my butt.

In all this cushion,

I you think I would be safe.

No.

The tailbone.

The tailbone.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

So yeah, that happened to me this weekend.

So then I was just laid up, you know.

After they had.

What the fuck?

What the fuck and fuck?

But you know, we had that age where like you really can't get

injury at all.

Like what is injury?

It's like forever.

Yes.

Yes.

So that happened to me.

Y'all.

Dukey water.

At the double three.

Was there actual pieces of shit in it?

It was just like the.

It was dark.

It was brown.

Like brown.

Brown.

Right.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Oh, bitch.

I can't do it.

I'm sorry.

I wanted to have it at that front desk.

Girl, I was so thin.

I do not know this happened.

Like when was the last time I was in this room.

When was the last time I was cleaned?

I mean, why is it look like.

It like something exploded in there.

For sure.

You know what?

I probably wanted to clean in people or somebody probably

used that restroom.

And then they didn't realize it overflow.

And it looked like, yeah, like somebody somebody exploded

and there's something exploded.

Oh, hell no.

Yes, girl.

Hmm.

So that was my weekend, y'all.

What are we talking about today?

Hmm.

Love it is good.

Love it.

Love it.

Love it.

Love it.

All right.

So y'all, today we're breaking down how every day effort, chores,

responsibility, showing up has become a whole new love language

essentially in relationships.

Know what you think?

I love a nigga who cleaned up behind him.

Me too.

I can't wait to give you this one.

We got a special guest on.

We talked back this week.

We'll be back.

Go ahead.

All right.

Yeah.

Let me get this straight.

You're in Italy.

Ciao.

Pretend it to be the white Italian man's fiance.

Hard to believe.

This is Michael, my nephew.

And y'all know.

Then you ended up catching feelings for the black Italian cousin

rather smile.

On April 10th, she came for the pasta and got lost in the sauce.

Please, just tell me that you support me.

No.

No.

Is he fine, though?

Come on, baby.

He's not gonna say you love me, baby.

You be in Tuscany.

Pretty PG-13.

Only Peter's April 10th.

Maybe inappropriate for children under 13.

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Alright, y'all and we're back.

And quick question.

If your partner starts doing more around the house, cleaning, cooking, helping out,

does that make them more attractive?

Okay.

Or are you like, you may get asked what the fuck you supposed to be doing as well.

That's who I am.

That's who I am.

Okay.

So today's guest wrote a book about it.

Okay.

It's called Chor Play because apparently washing dishes is now for play.

Okay.

So we do have comedian Jordan Carlos on we talk back this week.

And we're talking relationships.

He usually makes people laugh, but he's written a book.

On how to save your relationship via doing your chores.

Doing some shit around the house.

I love this Jordan Carlos.

I don't know if I was allowed to talk.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

I always try to be very formal.

I mean, you got two sisters on this podcast right now.

Try to be very respectful.

And no winner.

You're not a drill.

You know,

I've been married for almost 19 years.

So I have to know when to speak.

When it's allowed.

When I'm allowed to go.

Thank you for having me.

I really appreciate this.

AJ Tam.

And thank you for.

For commenting on my book.

Yes.

Listen.

I wrote this book because we just we've lost a lot of good men out here.

And I'm just trying to just trying to help him out with some really kind of just low hanging fruit.

Some real just easy hacks for around the house.

And just just stuff that, you know,

men should probably be doing anyway.

Yes, should be doing anyway for themselves.

Just for themselves, right?

And by virtue of that.

By doing things for yourself.

It can have this kind of like snowball effect where.

You know, you're not even trying to impress your good lady, your partner, whatever it is.

It's just like you're doing that for yourself.

And then like from that.

From that I found the outcome is that.

Yeah, you can you can smash more.

So we're just big.

Great.

I mean, like I like me.

That's just 18 going on 19 seasons in.

We're always happy for that.

Yeah, because you can see clutter around the room in a dark.

I don't want to smash in this.

I'm sorry.

Right.

Truly.

Truly.

I mean, there are two.

Sure.

There are times.

Like my 20s college age.

Like that didn't really matter.

It was passion.

You know what I'm saying?

That that is that's true.

But what's cute in your 20s is not cute in your 40s.

Right.

And that's kind of what that book this book is about is that things change.

They do.

And you have to be you have to be ready for that change.

And you have to be ready for that new like operating system.

Because let's just say in the book, like we update our phones.

Mm hmm.

Every way to weeks.

We got to get a new operating system, whatever it is.

You know, so it's like.

You know, like of course, logically you need to update what your partnership is.

As well.

And what that will look like.

And.

Yeah.

So you have like an epiphany or were you just getting in trouble at home?

You weren't getting no koochi.

Like you was like, what happened?

We get a dustpan.

Let me get a mop.

Like, what happened?

How did the book.

I mean, we tried all the things.

You know, you try all the things, right?

You try therapy.

Like out of network therapist, which is just like $200 an hour.

And you're like talking in circles.

And you're trying to do better.

But what I found was.

Mostly like.

What was the change agent was like vibe, changing vibe was really important.

For me, I, I mean, I understand like when I was a kid, I used to have like up on the wall.

My mom would put like, you know, if you clean your room and do the dishes and do your chores.

Like you get gold stars and that means you'll get your allowance and things like that, right?

So I was like, I mean, that's cool.

But I am not 12 anymore, right?

So I didn't want to have such a rigid structure to like my behavior.

And that's one part.

The other part was why the wife actor, right?

So that inflection point came from just, I mean, at year 10.

And then they're women in their 40s, but they just want to talk to the manager.

They want to talk to the manager.

There's so many notes they have, right?

I mean, this manager, I mean, like the manager of life, right?

Like they take a full inventory, a restock, whether it's career, it's family, it's like dead weight friends.

Like they're like, I'm not doing this anymore.

Perry Minipals and Minipals has entered the chat.

And so they get very serious and like, and you and believe me, you are up for review as a man.

You are up for review.

So that was definitely a part of it.

I saw a lot of people in my circles like getting divorced.

I had a divorce in our family that was very close on my front row seats to that.

And like just learning the very unsexy ways that an undramatic ways that a marriage can come apart.

And seeing that firsthand, I was like, okay, people can be role models.

This person is a role model for me.

I'm going to do the opposite of that.

So it was definitely like, it wasn't anything dramatic.

It was just like, my wife feeling as though she was alone in doing all the things.

Doing all the things.

So that was enough.

That's, yeah, after a while, that can be enough.

You think it's going to be like some Tyler Perry level.

That's not it.

How did it go ahead?

You've got a question.

So when a nutshell.

So our listeners understand who have not read short play.

Give us a quick like not a whole summary, but like a quick synopsis of what short play is about.

Okay.

Short play is about all of the money that you are leaving on the table that can like correct a lot of what's going on that might be going.

So it's like making sure that your side of the room is clean.

The dishes are are done.

Whatever it is, these kind of small house items that seem not important.

After a long period of time and on a long timeline, they are very important.

And they they can mean the unraveling of a relationship.

So this is about this book is about taking those things more seriously.

And then also seeing that they have this kind of.

Unexpected outcome, which was an improved sex life as well.

So that's basically what the book is about.

And it's about doing like the least amount to get the most because the bar.

I'm going to put it out here.

I don't know if that feel like a mansplaining this, but the bar for men.

In straight relationships isn't hell.

It's in hell.

And we still trip it over it.

We are still tripping over it somehow.

So just like.

I feel like I got struck by lightning a little bit.

Like I shouldn't be married, but I am.

You know what I mean?

Like I'm still alive.

But I am.

But we're not going to talk about that.

You know.

But I am.

And I'm here to report and just thank God.

I'm just putting.

It's just about putting people on game to things that they might not have like.

Notice before.

And that's it.

Because a lot of it is like what you're socialized to do.

You know.

And what you're taught to do verbally, not verbally.

Like, for instance, everything's giving.

I love when my family comes together.

It's an amazing like Southern Thanksgiving.

We are family.

From New Orleans comes up.

By the way,

AJ, like.

Every good food.

Right.

So it's really good.

Anyway,

yes.

We got.

I love my family.

Like for people listening.

I don't know why AJ randomly.

Was that before that?

I don't.

Anyway.

This is before we were rolling.

But anyway,

the point is.

After the meal is done.

What I saw was like all the teenage girls have to watch the dishes.

But the teenage boys.

Then watch the Cowboys game.

Right.

So it's like.

It's kind of crazy.

And like that just happens.

And.

This year, like,

we were like,

we kind of.

We kind of.

We kind of.

We kind of embarrass the boys.

We're like,

get in here and watch the dishes.

And they're like,

what dishes?

Never seen one.

You know,

like acting dumb.

You know,

and that's just.

That is kind of.

What I saw of these patterns forming and how we're channeling.

Kids to do certain things or what,

you know,

what's expected of them can ultimately.

Just have like.

A horrible effect, I think.

Just like.

It can.

It can erode and undercut.

And then I mean,

I mean,

I mean,

I mean,

I mean,

I mean,

a relationship.

Because you're,

if you expect a woman just to clean up for you while you watch the game.

Just because.

I mean,

you're,

you're going to be on thin ice,

I don't want to learn a timeline.

You're going to be on thin ice.

Yeah.

That brings me to a story.

I remember on a Sunday,

football Sundays,

which is my,

my boyfriend at the time.

That was his day.

Like I want to watch football all day.

Cool.

That's fine.

Yeah, but he would do this thing where he was when he was finished with his beer

He'd be like boom and then just hold a beer in the air and shake them all the fuck

He wants to say hey, can you give me another beer please? He just hold that bitch in the air and shake it

My son does that, but he's like seven years old. He does it from the back seat

You know what I'm saying? And we're always like

Like I'm like I'm your butler, you know, but I've been like you need to hold on to that till we get to a trash can

You need to hold on to that like I think it's so funny that you say that time

I'm not trying to I mean, I'm only going to speak on myself, right? So I'm a Cowboys fan. I

Don't know why I spend so much time watching the Cowboys

Okay, they're like okay, then they choke and it's like some fan look some teams I get it right if if the teams are great

Like if you were a bats fan during the 2010s and things like that

Yes, you're gonna be glued to the Cowboys. What am I doing?

What are jets fans doing every Sunday? You should be out in nature. You should be out like a farmer. Whatever it is

Yeah, you should be you know, whatever it is go do something go outside touch grass

Whatever it is go to the beach whatever like that chop do do something do that project

You said you were gonna do around the house because the jets don't need you believe me. They don't need you to do bad

They can do bad off by themselves

So I wasted all that time

Watching them, but I will say for the couch thing. I was out of shape, too

So the getting up from the couch because the nicer the couch you have the more it's you sink into it

And and I had to reverse that I was like when I found out at the gym like I found out about kipping and hip thrust

I was like, okay, so now

Right in me

Come through with the good back and hip thrust and pushups, too, cuz they got worse than a nigga like a nigga lay it on you like this

Lay it up on get you

I literally asked people from pitches today for arm. Okay, let me I'm looking for a particular thing

Wow

Amazing

I'm not gonna I'm not gonna add to that joke, but I feel I

Got you. I got you. Well, let me just say that that's something I work on a lot. We work on our plank pose

So it's like so I feel like

What I'm saying is like getting up from the couch. Yeah, so many ways. This is Swiss Army knife

So so many ways like getting up from the couch if you don't want to get up right if you can't get up physically every time

You you're down like that if you can't get up quickly then when you're asked to get up

What happens attitude?

Right like coming up with different reasons why you shouldn't do the thing, right?

So like that I didn't even you know, I like stumbled on all this

So I found out that like having a fit body meant that like I could get up and I could do the things that my wife needed me to do

Right if she asked me to do this at the third no problem no friction no problem because then I could quickly pop back on the couch and do whatever and

Yeah, I just I feel like

In that case with your man. I'm so sorry about that. That's

We talk about the asking part

Because we don't have to ask you to be an adult right and I look kind of likeness to like you

How couples having babies probably out of wedlock right and mama automatically knows to be a mama, right?

It's just natural natural, but then the young man might feel like you know

He's being mothered by her so she has to tell him what he's because he does not innately know what to do

I think most men at some point probably live on their own

So what were you doing in your own house to where you think that now you can have a certain woman

You don't have to clean up at all

Um, I think you know, that's where like money and capitalism gets in the way, right? So like

I was making I make

Still make good money and it's like and um, I was thinking that like

That would absolve me of my responsibilities because I had seen that with my dad my dad is a very successful doctor

And my dad was actually like um at a time in in Texas was also like

At least the forward chapter was was heading up like pan plan parenthood

Planned parenthood and forward, but when he and he's a OBGYN

But when he got home like he cared for women all day long. Do you understand?

So

I can hear your mama melt right now boy

When you got home that that was it

That was one too many women so he like so he'd be home

Like in his BVD's you know watching ESPN got a steak on his belly just eaten

The beer like whatever like that was

That was him. So I was like okay

No one's explaining this or saying this to me. You're just seeing it right

So I'm like this is a guy that is well regarded in the community at church and his family

This is what I went this is the prototype. I just need to emulate this

So that's what I did with comedy

I emulated that and then I was like thinking okay, so if I make money

And handle all bills and like make everything I'll write pay for everything

Then I don't have to do anything

Right and so that was my mindset

And that's why I feel like it got to a point like when we first started dating each other it wasn't like

I wasn't looking to hurt looking for her to do like

Like domestic stuff for or mother I wasn't looking for her to mother me in any way

But that's this part of me that like kicks in like I had to get over that

The need to make women mother me, you know, like which is which is crazy

So once you I mean cut that that umbilical cord

Like for real for real and stop

Like keeping things clean around the house

So mommy doesn't get mad at you

Right or or whatever it is and have your own standard for yourself

But like yeah your own standard like I just don't understand like why a man wouldn't have some men do like

And I look for men like my dad because my dad is a very clean man

Right, so I know it's possible

So when I run across somebody who thinks like and everybody has a different level of cleanness

Right, there's a base level and then some people like

I watched you in the breakfast club and how shawling me and said that women clean the bathroom better

So a man has told me that living in the house with me like he let his he let his bathroom

Right, it's so deplorable because I no longer would share bathrooms with him

And he let it get so bad and then he asked me if I could clean it for him

Yes

Yeah, I mean you can outsource

Yeah, you can bring another bitch in here and let her clean your nasty bathroom

Oh, I might put that bathroom on Facebook or Instagram. So people see how you live in

Yes, that's a lot of them though

That's a lot of me. I remember my ex used to have like yeah

On the floor around the toilet sometime

What

Damn, no, was this the same guy?

Yeah, thank God same guy and then used to have like

All right, this is gonna good growth used to have shit in the toilet and then like cubes on it. So it looked like a teddy bear. Yeah

Yeah

Do you have this he didn't have the brush you didn't have the toilet brush? He did, but he just didn't use it

I do blame the moms and I'm and my sister's been good

My nephew just went to college and I'm so concerned about him having a roommate

Knowing how he was raised to not have to do anything, right? I'm concerned about him now having to cohabitate and like

Not being the cleanest right and you're and you're and he plays football and now people on your team talking about you

You I'm so concerned about that because I watch them not

You have to do anything right number once I made him take the trash out and he was like you know because he said

Professional millionaire he plays he's planning to go to the NFL, right? Oh, wow amazing

Like yeah, when I get old, I'm only gonna give people money who was nice to me

Some shit like that because I asked him to take the trash out

So now you you are raising a man that no one is really going to want

Absolutely after a few years like it's gonna it's gonna go sour, right? So

Because what I found and I'm not an expert by any means

But I I found that like romantic love can get a marriage to like 10 years, right?

But past that you could still have so much love for the person, but if they are a mess they are a mess, right?

And and yes, for me it was like this like when I was 19

I had a really bad fallout with my mom and it was about independence

It was actually about independence

I wanted to move to the big bad city New York City and I wanted to like in turn for deaf champ

And she wouldn't let me do it

So I did it anyway. We had a huge falling up

But it actually kind of in a way was helpful because I had to become independent

Because there was no mom wasn't gonna send me a care package. She wasn't gonna check up on me

I had to get my own apartment. I had to do my own laundry. I had to do all these things

So it's really kicked me in a putt

But like can women clean better than men maybe but they've been left to do it

You know, I'm saying like men have taken all the other jobs. So it's like yes, I guess so

So it's like that's that's what they're able to do because men have taken everything else, right?

So I mean

But do you feel like you don't believe in any generals because I don't want to cut no grass

And I don't want to wash no car. I don't want to put no gas in it do all that shit

I believe listen, I believe in doing I do I don't do that much right but it seems like a lot

Of course, I handle the car like I write in the book that I handle all things about the car

Cleaning the car like taking it in for whatever maintenance does do whatever this end third

Fortunately, I live in a city. I live in a townhouse. There is no backyard really to speak of

So it's like you don't have to really take care of that much

I do the gardening in the summertime just like the trimming and things like that

But like when it comes to like but that's like

For a season or two, right? So summer spring. That's all you got to do think about the daily grind though of like laundry food

All of this this this that the other like my wife needs help and those kind of things

Um, I think people are falling short on I know I was falling short on so it's like that's where I'm picking it up

And I kind of gamify it now like I if I see something on the stairs

Pick that the hell up. Get it downstairs. It will take no one past it. Don't walk past it

But there as I described in the book there is something called USA. This is called is unconscious

selective attention. This is a real thing, right? Where it's like you can see like if you close one eye

You can see your nose and if you close the other eye you can see your nose

But if you open both eyes you can't see your nose

That is because the brain just ignores the nose

You're the first person I've ever met that says

You have a very nice nose, AJ like

Very nice everybody got nice noses. I don't have a good. I my nose like a Bill Cosminos

But like but I will say this like

But your brain ignores things. So it's like what are you

Socialized to ignore ignore right as man

We're socialized to ignore stuff on the floor the Legos the this that like the piles of clothes the

Everything around us right our brain is telling us to do this because I think when it comes to the table

So I know what you talking about

Like so if I know that then I know that there are things that I can unlearn right and I can unlearn like just pick it up

Like if if um

It's like there's laundry there's and the and the watch machine is done

Just put it in the dryer just do it bro and it's it's like all about getting into active mode right instead of ready mode

You got to get into active mode and I feel like

A lot of guys are in ready mode like we're always like like we work out

So it's like I wish I wish someone would try me right like so I can live this John Wick fantasy out right but like you but like

We're we have to just like stop with the readiness stop with the preparedness and just activate like and I don't think it

Really takes that much it just takes doing small things and then like eventually gradually

You will be more active and and a part of that also is just like you have to not look for

Outside validation not wait for your girl or anybody to like pat you on the back for it

But just pat yourself on the back for it, you know, that's what it is

Yeah, what is that though? What is that morning like to

Have this admiration, you know from another person

Simply because you you know, you washed the dishes today like

Baby, I noticed you washed the dishes today you want your dicks up

Why do we have to get one

You like they just want big rewards for like so have you you know

I'm dying right now. I'm dying right now

She said your top tear man, okay, just an average woman

And I know

Like you see that man think they really doing like basic and then when you add differently, I know

My ex said I would build Rico cases and I'm a Gemini

I'm not a nag right because I feel like if I ask you to do something if you ask me as my partner to do something

You only have to ask me one time

Okay, and I'm gonna acquiesce you know what I've ever seen

But sometimes with men like you have to keep asking them something like a child and then now they're acting as if you're nagging them

Yes, so I'm not a nag I ask you one time and then I added to the Rico

Right

Okay, so against you

Okay, okay

Okay, that's when I'm putting the sticky note on this the sticky note on that and my okay

Even when I'm not doing it, I'm trying I'm like what is that acceptable from your son

If your son would say well, no, I didn't do it, but even when I'm not doing it, I'm trying to do it

I think it's not makes me I think what we need I think man shit man math

Man truly truly truly I think it's just like you can rationalize anything you can rationalize anything

But it's like

Integrity is everything right it's just like you know integrity doing what you're supposed to do when nobody is watching you

Right so like if you know that she said to do whatever chore it was she asked you to do you heard it you know it

If it's a second time thing where she's like reminding you like just say I'm sorry

Yeah, I'll get to that and do the thing. I think that

It was um for me

Learning and I'm still learning. I'm still learning. There are things that I still need to do

But I create the list for myself now, you know, it's not about

Her having to amass the list of things that need to be done around the house like what about me?

What what do I see that needs to be done, right? That's the executive function part that I talk about in the book

That like it's a lot of executive function goes like hidden

Um and and like women don't always talk about it because they just shoulder it right and

And guys if we even had half of that load would probably buckle under the pressure, right? So it's um

I think that's a big part of it as far as like needing

That kind of like affirmation and approval. That's a very

American thing like we all love a pat on the back. We love a like you're doing great, you know like

I don't know about y'all, but I like I go to like um workout classes and

If the instructor doesn't say

I'm doing great then like

Am I dying?

Am I out of shape like what's good like you know like

We need gold stars. We're raised with gold stars. We need gold stars

But you could give yourself a gold star

Like come on gold you could do it. There's also IG you could post you could be that guy

Like you could post it on IG like look at the way I loaded the dishes today and you could become famous that way

Unfortunately, and then you you don't say then like whoever

Pal Molliv will like back you and like sponsor you, you know for real

So I think that

You know just trying to get that kind of validation is the same validation that we wanted for our parents

It just it just goes on and on and like

The people that really I think get the most

In life out of life

Are people that that are very good at like validating themselves right and just like very self-possessed and self-contained

I think I just I strive for that daily, but it's not it's it's not easy out here

You know, it's not easy, but like it's it's it's it's something that it's a discipline that I work on all the time

Let me get this straight. You're in Italy

Child pretended to be the white Italian man's fiance hard to please

This is Michael my nephew when John no then you ended up catching feelings for the black Italian cousin brothers

On April 10th she came for the pasta and got lost in the sauce. Please. Just tell me the truth. She put me

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Try to love me baby. You in the intesca

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So it's helping like a red flag word

Because I know it's like

I don't remember being on the phone with a guy. He was like, yeah, I can't go out tonight. I got a babysit my kids

Tell I'm so I'm so I'm so worried about no care line

So worried about the dating pool in no care line up

For real first or more like you're not helping me you help this is your house too

You know babysit babysitting his own children. I've heard that one before and it's I've said it

And and that was like when I heard myself say it that was terrifying to me, you know, I'm saying so like

Yes, that is a person that

Is not fully or they're showing that maybe they're not most fully invested in having the kids

Maybe you know like like you have to be like the more you put into it the more you invest in them

the better

And more chill your your life will be because if you're trying to if you write like we say down south you trying to write two horses one

Ask if you're trying to be like mr. Single guy and have kids at the same time. No

Because people it'll be like did give away people will see right through it

You'll kind of try to present

somebody that you're not

And you have to accept where you are in life like that was a big part of it for me

I wasn't accepting that I was like a dad like all this stuff, you know, because like

Kids can ruin everything they can ruin it all like I was looking for my charger today for my computer

My kid had used it with some g.i. Joe's and he's putting together some kind of zipline

Thing with my charger

And I told you not to touch it right now. I got it now. I got to kill him. You know, I was like all these things

So but but like but this is what they do they upset everything

But that's okay because they bring joy

So the more you like accept where you're at

Except what's going on

Um, I think the better that's that's what made it better for me

Accepting that I what like I'm a dad with kids and responsibilities and I need to own up and act like it

So I have a question people like this applies. So I have a friend. She doesn't work

Uh, she doesn't have to work and she has been afforded a lot of the luxuries of life

But her responsibility are the kids

Okay, the chores and the house

And sometimes she gets fed up with having to do it all by herself. So he's like, well, I I bring home the bread

You bake it, you know, that's your job

Do you feel like this applies to someone who has

Everybody

Everybody in a place everybody

Okay, you bringing home all a bacon. I will use your bacon and outsource some of these tasks because regardless of what like a housewife

They they say she works 90 hours a week. So that's two full-time jobs essential

Right and I even my mom

I tell her use his money to just get somebody to pay and come clean the bathroom if you don't want to do it

Might like I feel like men value their pockets

So if he starts seeing his bottom line like a somebody that money is going to house cleaning and and and fucking a nanny

He might want to help it help out, you know

Men, I mean listen, men don't do anything as long as their money involved right like apparently men like I write in the book like a men can't cook

Right, but like the best chefs in the world are like our men right like um you got like

Andrew Chang you've got like

You know Anthony Bourdain got arrested. So like all these people these body flay right all these people

These men like broadcast that they're great at cooking

But then when they're home with their kids are like what's an egg, you know like they don't

They don't know right what's the pan

I feel like I feel it's like like this even if you're friend who has that amazing

That's a great problem to have. I would love to switch heads with her. That's an amazing life

When you say that that is a trigger for her

For real like you like you don't understand you say you want to switch, but you wouldn't want to switch

Or I bet never any chance right now that I'll switch with you. She probably has a bit

I'm guessing big big house

A lot of things a lot of material things like the in the those are responsibilities unto themselves

So when you think about it. Yes, that's a lot of executive function, right? So she has to keep track of that

And even if she gets like a house manager to quote unquote like, you know

Defray the load right there like

Then she she's in charge of that house manager, right? So she has to tell them what to do and my man

I'm sure he has pressures. He's trying to make generational wealth and all this kind of stuff

But when he gets home he's done. He's got one shift. She's got two, right? So that's it's a lot

It's a lot to deal with. I'm just saying this. I'm not saying

That you have to do 50 50. I'm just saying do something like

There has to be like the middle point between nothing and and something, right? Like you have to do something

do something if even if it's taking out the trash like even if it's like

Like just remembering the nights that the trash must come or remembering your children's schedule

Even if it's just remembering your kid's teacher's names, right or their shoes sizes

That takes nothing. That is nothing. That's just a walk to their room

Check. Okay, UK. It's always a little bigger with a shoe size and American size, right? So that's all it takes

Um, but like even that is I feel like people are dragging like like I've had so many comments or people are like

Man, this guy sounds like a woozy here woman. He you know like he like I'm like dude

I'm not asking you to do anything

But maybe like five minutes of work, right? Five minutes of work here and there and that I think

It would make a dramatic difference just a little

It'll make a dramatic difference, but but a lot of men don't take in a lot of information like this or just people in general

Don't take in new new ideas

Because they think it's like a threat to the established order of things

You know, I'm saying so I'd say to your friend just like I hear her

but

What I what I suggest to women at that point is like take time for yourself

If your man's not gonna do anything

Say you're going out with your girls on Thursday Friday, whatever it is

Maybe Thursday, which is little Friday. I like little Friday. So go out

Have some fun

Let him deal he'll survive

You know, I mean like he'll be okay

Have some fun for yourself make some time for yourself

Um, I had to do that for myself too like because I felt that there were so many like resentments built up

And whatever I was doing so if I was asked to do something

I'll be like yeah, I'll do it. I'll do it with an attitude. But I'm still doing it. What's the problem, right?

um

I

I mean, I would be like the exception right most women are working

Yes, yes, and also if they have kids they are responsible for the children and they're responsible for the household

Yeah, so it's like the bills all at everything

Nothing's 50-50 you say what I'm saying some men in their own line talking about 50-50 is 50-50. Pat

Mostly I don't have y'all have anyway

Okay, we'll be very clear

To any man out there listening

Right and to any man out there listening like just remember there's always guys doing worse than you

There's always guys doing worse than you

And like like I was uh my kid school and I

I asked this dad, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's worse than me shit.

I'm doing it.

I think it's so easy to do what you're doing.

You're right out here.

You have to patten in on the back where they won't do it.

I'm telling you, you have to give them

a little pat on the back a little.

Even for this, yeah, good boy, an out of boy, right?

So like this dad, that's how I knew I wasn't so bad.

Like because the guy was like, I was bad, but not that bad.

Like I was like, I asked him about his other kid

that didn't go to this like to, to our kid's school.

And he's like, oh, yeah.

He goes to, he couldn't remember the name of his child's school.

Let's just put it that way, okay?

How can you not know the name of your child?

What if something goes sideways in school?

You don't know what's in the news and it's a school shooting.

You don't even realize it's your fucking kid's school.

Right.

Even his chilling on the couch.

Oh, man, that's crazy.

I'm just here to tell you, you know.

Right, right.

It's like that kind of like out-to-lunch mentality has to stop.

Yeah, because men think it's like a,

you know, we talk about this on the show a lot.

Like men saying that they're simple.

That's not a compliment to yourself.

Right.

And they say women are more complex

because we do think things on a different layer, right?

But why do you want to be simple?

That's a simple ton as far as I'm concerned.

Because it's easier to be simple.

It's easier to be simple, right?

Or so we think.

But actually in the long run, it will cost you.

So like, for instance, just knowing and understanding

like what, you know, if it's like your kid's schedule,

your wife's schedule, whatever it is,

and understanding the household task.

And the schedule itself will make your life so much easier

because you'll know what the game plan is.

And you won't have to ask a million questions.

You'll already know.

I think that that's just really important.

In fact, my wife is always sending me articles about like

about no good man and stuff.

But like, but this is, but this one I found really interesting

that she sent me, she's great.

She's like a PhD.

So she's very smart lady.

All right, the psychology, five early signs,

your marriage is heading for divorce.

And number five was like, she just sent this to me yesterday.

But she's like, she's kind of like,

she likes at the book, she likes the book.

She likes the response, and she likes what I'm doing.

So she's trying to support me and that like,

are you trying to say, oh, I see what you said.

It's like, we can do the rocks.

You see how quick I'm like, what I'm just telling you something?

Okay, she's just trying to support me, all right?

All right, this poor division of labor, number five.

And it was just said like like one out of four marriages

in divorce because of a poor division of labor.

One out of four, that's a lot.

That's a lot, okay?

And it's just, it's so simple to solve, you know?

And yeah, I mean, I just don't think

that men need that pat on the back

for doing dishes and things like that.

I think you should eventually get a pat on the back

for changing your ways.

But I don't think like every little thing you do

like you're six years old, you need gold stars for.

Right.

Yeah, it'll come later.

And I'm talking crazy, but I have a man now

who we don't live together though, right?

So I don't know how it would be cohabitating.

But when he's here, like he helps, he,

if I'm cooking, he's washing dishes like so.

Great.

I wrote it down though, what I wanted

in my little manifestation for the next man, all right?

So there's a lot of shit that he does

that's on my list.

Beautiful.

You know, I wrote, you don't know what you need

until you experience the thing you're not getting it.

So when I was in this two bedroom apartment with this man,

and I'm like, what if we bought a house?

Like I'm gonna be responsible for even bigger space

because he's not doing shit.

Like you're doing a bare minimum in here.

You know what I'm saying?

He'll be washing dishes.

But like even just calling maintenance and stuff like that.

Like I had to help you fix your fucking car.

Welcome for who?

Yes, because I am super duper like mechanically.

Yeah, okay, okay.

So I want somebody who also matches that, right?

Right.

We don't always have to pay somebody to do some shit

if we can look at YouTube and figure it out.

Right, absolutely.

He just wasn't using his brain.

You know what I'm saying is,

and then you would have his friends calling me

to help them solve their problems.

I'm like, no, you outsourcing your girl

that you already annoying the shit out of.

To help somebody else, man.

Figure some shit out.

Like what is that?

Like I don't want to be the problem solver

in my relationship and if men want to,

you have to show up in that leadership.

AJ and Tim, let me just say thank you for your service.

Both of y'all have described some men that are just,

oh my god.

I don't want to fix them for the next one.

Oh, no, you're going to be for me.

I don't mind giving somebody a fervish man.

Like girl, he is, he works.

Oh, no.

Because he's going to remember what I really feel like

men only learn through consequence, right?

Yes.

So it's going to be like, he's going to tell you these things

that he's going to do his own inventory

and realize what didn't work here.

Yes.

And he'll probably do better in the next relationship.

Maybe maybe not.

Maybe we don't want to have no boundaries.

Yeah, exactly.

Maybe, maybe not.

That would be, yeah, please, please.

What was the craziest argument?

No, argument you got in over chores,

the craziest one, over like a chore.

Oh, okay.

The craziest argument I think we got in over chores

was probably just, it has to do with laundry.

Like, because I had a pile of clothes and I liked my pile.

I had like my mountain, you know what I mean?

Asked me if it was dirty.

Was it dirty?

No, it wasn't dirty.

It was like maybe it's it's it's I had like, actually,

I had like multiple piles, right?

So you had like, you had the clean pile

and you had the like ish pile and you had the filthy pile,

right?

So it was like, it was like, oh, that was your scratch

and it's like scratch and sniff.

Absolutely.

It's one again.

Yeah.

I have my own, yeah, yeah, but I have my own order.

You know, like, I was like, everything ends up

on the ground eventually, right?

Like physics tells us that everything falls apart.

Everything ends up in ashes to ashes.

Does to dust, why are we out here?

Like, I'm trying to like hit it with philosophy

and reverse psychology and jokes and jokes.

She's like, what is she started doing exactly that?

What if she just stopped?

What if she had stopped washing clothes?

Just don't mean just as nasty, right?

We would eye in her like, bitch, you're nasty.

That's a problem with clean dishes.

That's a problem, it might be clean dishes

and those dishes dirty over there.

It would be crashing out.

The kids would be like, we need to take mommy in

for resurfacing something like that.

Something like that.

We ain't gonna make it.

We ain't gonna make a call grandma.

Like, if you're absolutely positively right,

she's the neatest person I know.

So like back in a day in college,

like her roommates, what they would do

was lay a sock on her bed and watch her crash out.

Just watch her crash out.

And so like that kind of like, that was a joke to me, right?

That was like a joke.

I was like, haha, kidding.

Like I would do the same thing.

Like leave a dish out and be like, how long?

I'm just timing you to see how long it takes for you to get it.

And like after a while you realize, okay,

that's really, that comes from, it's not funny.

It comes from real place.

Like her upbringing was such

where it was like a lot of different people lived

in her house, right?

So it was like they rented out rooms to people.

So her space, cause she's one of four children

growing up in New York City, right?

So it's a jam pack situation.

So she kept her space orderly.

And that's how she, that was like,

that was for her mental health.

And so like really putting that together.

I'm really tied to mental health.

Right.

So putting that together and understanding that,

okay, well, this, this is how she copes.

It's like, like that was how, you know,

that was my moment of maturity, right?

So goal star for me, but like, you know what?

But you have to make sure that you understand

where your partner's coming from, right?

So not only was I needed to understand that part, right?

That's a bucket.

Then I had to be like, Jordan, you need to grow up

and just clean up after yourself,

cause like what I got, the reinforcement I got

about cleaning in our house was clean.

It was clean.

That's my mom was scary.

You know, she's just a scary lady

that would be like, I'ma come through for inspection

on a Saturday morning, you know?

And make sure that that bed is like,

you could bounce a quarter off it.

Are you gonna die?

Are you gonna die?

You know what I mean?

Like it was like, I was under a lot of pressure.

I was pressed.

You know, it was, it was crazy.

I was, I come from the era of having to get

the church closed together on Saturday night

and to polish my little penny loafers to a high shine.

Like on Saturday night and then make sure

that I studied my sunny school lesson before

and starch my college.

Do you think when I left that house

that I wanted to do that anymore?

Absolutely not.

I was like, every day is a fun day,

like eating fruit loose, like just having a good time.

It's like it's so.

You're making me this childish.

I got another story, I got another bad story.

I'll tell you.

Same, same nigga, same nigga.

Oh no, damn no.

I would come home for a work.

So I was working two jobs at the time, okay?

Oh, wow.

I was doing a hair and then working at Sephora

and I would come home from work and I would find tape.

Little pieces of, I know you know this story, AJ.

I find little pieces of tape in the hallway,

in the stairwell, in the kitchen.

Just little pieces, two little pieces of tape,

everything, little pieces of tape.

What the fuck, why am I finding black tape,

like the electrical tape?

Not like the clear tape, the black.

Right, right.

So after the months, this goes on for months, right?

So I come home and I find two little pieces of tape

stuck to the dishwasher, right?

So if I'm like, what the fuck is this tape?

Every time I come home, there's two little pieces of tape.

Do y'all know that this nigga

was taping both sides of his camera on his laptop

and like watching porn and beating off somewhere in the house?

Oh my God.

When he's done, he just take the tape off

and leave it wherever it was at, wherever he beat off it.

Listen, he's taking the kitchen,

he's taking my kitchen.

Why are you in the kitchen, you nasty nigga?

Like, what in the world?

At least he wasn't using gorilla glue or whatever,

you know, like, that's,

he said like the cameras, he thought somebody could like,

watch him, watch him.

And then they do, they do like log into your shit,

but I'm like, he was beating this nigga a lot.

So I've heard.

While I'm at work.

Okay, again, this is really like, I'm not a therapist.

The secret of nature in which this man is going about this

is that's very suspect and I'm glad

that you ended that relationship.

Yo, that is wild.

That is wild.

I think, yeah, I mean, that makes you wonder,

like when, when the woman's outside the house,

what are you doing with your time, right?

And that gets me back to integrity, right?

So it's like, you could be beaten off.

Okay, is that what you're going to do with your time?

I'm going to turn out how to make more money

so I don't have to work two jobs.

That part.

Exactly, exactly.

That part.

So Rob, I think a lot of men use, you know, so I've heard.

You use masturbation as like, if they're bored,

if they need to cope, if they need to calm down,

I'm not, I'm not excusing anything that you do did.

But like there's much better things to do

when your wife leaves the house, like look around

what, what needs doing just like do it real fast.

Do it or you won't do it at all.

Like do it faster, you won't do it at all.

That's my, that's my MO.

Yeah, my ex used to be like, it'll be clean up

when you wake up.

One time he said it'll be, I'm like,

he came home late in the evening

and he just dropped the piece of it, whatever,

every piece of the house.

So from the door to the living room, it's like an item,

a book bag, a jacket, like a kid, you know?

So I'm like, could you pick this,

you coming to a clean house and you're just,

now it's just in disarray, right?

And he was like, well, it'll be picked out

by the time you wake up.

I'm like, nigga, I'm still awake, stepping over shit.

Well, when I ring a line with that,

this nigga is the matter all.

He actually had ADHD and what he was doing

because he'd wake up like four o'clock in the morning, right?

He literally was creating things to do when he wakes up.

Because he would wake up and clean up his stuff,

he'd wake up and wash the dishes, you know?

So he was, I'm like, if you don't do that,

that you don't have to do this four o'clock in the morning.

Right, right, right.

Literally creating things to do.

Yes, yes.

You said it just not doing it.

He just don't drop the one of four.

What the fuck is going on?

I don't understand, man.

You would have to, I mean, like the winning strategy

for me has just like been put my arms around whatever my wife wants

instead of like my head around it.

Because men will come up with a million excuses

why they shouldn't do it right now.

And this guy that is in my life that is, you know,

that shows me this role model.

I don't want to name the name, but he's a role model.

And he just shows me like every day and every way, like,

oh, okay, just do the opposite of that.

But not everybody's lucky enough to have that in their life,

you know what I'm saying?

Not everybody is lucky enough to have that like that foil

or comedic foil, like don't do it.

Like don't be like him.

Don't be like Jim.

Like that, that is, that's been very helpful to me, honestly.

And that helped me like write this book.

I mean, I'm not even, people keep talking about like being feminine.

I'm like, it's not being feminine to like, okay, for instance,

I needed to, I needed this.

People will call it feminine, but actually,

I didn't even put this in the book, but this is what happened to me.

We're on vacation and we like adore down for us.

We rent this place on an island in Maine.

And adore down from us is this guy who's a colonel

and an army colonel, very nice guy.

Let's the kids use all his like little floaties

and all that kind of stuff, right?

He's got them like stockpiled.

And we just get to talking on the beach

and he's just a really nice person.

And I was like, so what did you do in your time in the army as a colonel?

And he was like, I was a quarter master.

And if you don't know what a quarter master is, a quarter master,

like make sure that all the provisions that the army needs

are there when they need them, right?

So if it's ammunition, if it's food, if it's clothing, they got you.

And they know where everything is in the, in like, in the stockade, whatever,

you know, like they know where everything is.

So I was like, okay.

So this guy knows where everything is in his house.

He knows about the Cummings and Goings

and he's got the schedule down routine.

I was like, I could be a quarter master in my own home.

So it was like, it's about showing people that there is a male version

of everything we say is female, right?

So for me, that was just being a quarter master in my own home.

Understanding that we're good for paper towels right now

because we are so good.

I wish I could show you on the other side as well.

We are so good.

I'm not a doomsday prepper, but we good.

Like TPPT, like all that kind of stuff.

Like I needed that to make it okay for me to be a man

and then also worry about this stuff.

Of course, I think people are on a spectrum.

You're always in touch with like you're feminine side.

I don't like show tunes or anything like that,

but there's part of me that like, you know, I was hanging out with my son.

We went skiing this weekend and I was like,

you know what, we're going to do, because we're driving.

And I was like, we're going to put on a wreatha for like an hour.

Like, so we just listened to a wreatha right?

Like as we were like, let's end this so much hip hop.

I was like, we're going to put on a wreatha so that you understand.

Yeah, yeah.

So we get some feminine energy in here too.

You know, so like I feel like I'm always in touch

because like my mom raised me more than my dad

because my dad was always working at the hospital.

So I was like, that's never far away from me.

So I'm comfortable with that.

But not, you know, not every guy is.

You know, not every guy is like, not every guy can beat me.

But, but period, right?

So I'll have a rosé as well every once in a while.

No one's looking.

No one's keeping score.

You know, it's all good.

But I think that, yeah, you have to get over the feeling of being feminine

or something like that.

Because being masculine, that's just like, it's a heavy weight.

Every day, it's a heavy weight to do that.

It's, yeah.

Is there a female version like for the men of tour play?

Like what would be the...

I haven't read it.

You know what?

I mean, I just haven't run into a messy girl yet in my life.

Luckily, I'm with this type A situation, you know,

a little lady.

Oh, okay.

Not necessarily like the chores,

but like the thing that men would want more of,

like the exact opposite, you know.

Do we want something?

Oh, interesting.

I mean, that's better, right?

I was only going to say this, like, which is the direct line between like,

if you give something a week, right?

Like if you, like, I made coffee for my wife for like a week,

you give it a week, like, I mean, I wanted to just touch on like the sex part,

which is like, which was an outcome that was definitely I did not expect.

I was just trying to save my marriage.

I didn't know how much, like, how much better our romantic life would get from that.

But then in researching the book, I looked at like Maslow's,

like, pyramid of needs, right?

Which is like, you need food and shelter.

And all of these things before you get to the top of self-actualization,

meaning just like, you know, a good life, whatever it is.

So I think wedge with self-actualization is also like sex.

Like, you're not going to, you're, we said it already.

If the room is messy, like, my wife's not going to want to smash at all, right?

I just feel like Maslow's hierarchy and needs to update it.

Because I feel like men,

food shelter pussy right behind each other.

I don't think it's all the way at the top.

I really don't need tape.

They need electrical tape.

Ooh, shelter pussy electrical tape.

I don't know.

Right.

It definitely is different between men and women.

But we need to understand that.

We need to understand what your partner's hierarchy and needs is, right?

So it's about understanding.

You can't just like, shut it off at your own point of view.

There's two people in this.

It's a weed.

Yeah.

And learning what she needs, security, that's a feeling of security when things are in order and in place, right?

So that can just make, make for a much better atmosphere.

Because then we kind of like stop being like, oh, we haven't hooked up in a long time.

What's going on?

We, we, we ain't doing this and that anymore.

And it's like sex was more of like a chore, right?

As, as kind of like a way to, to make sure that, that we kept going and that, you know, like we weren't off track.

Instead of just like a fun thing that we could squeeze in while the kids are away at school or something like that.

You know, so it's, it's like, it feels like that point.

And I feel very lucky, I feel very lucky in that.

Because not a lot of people that are like kicking 46 in the ass are able to like say that they just have that kind of fun with their wife.

You know, like sometimes we're on the phone at night and she's like, girl, let me just go suck his dick real quick.

I will call you back.

You just have so much like a tour like, let me just put this thing in the bed.

I mean, I call you right back.

You all while that is.

Tam, you have the funniest friends over.

I'll be that never have I ever, I wish that was my life, but that is not my life.

Like my wife's never like, let me.

Oh, grocery's done.

Okay, let me go.

Like this man's day.

Never.

But yeah, but if you, but that's a red flag.

If you're there at that point, you know, that just shows no desire.

Right.

And if desire is dead, then what are we doing?

But it's all, all these things work in concert with each other.

Like so, you know, taking my, I kind of was like a, I mean, just, I was just out of shape.

I was, I wasn't like that much overweight, but I was out of shape.

So like, you're always saying with the rickety arms and everything like that.

Like I started to go to the gym, work on like kettlebell and stuff like that.

Didn't ever think never did I ever, I mean, look at me.

I'm like, I look like Erkel's stunt double.

Like never, ever did I think that that would like, that's, you're very kind.

Okay, let me go from Steve to Stefan.

All right.

But never did I ever think that that would like have some kind of correlation.

Like losing the way getting, like getting more solid, solid core and all that kind of stuff.

Like, you like, my wife is the kind of person where she's like, she loves personality.

She loves conversation.

She looks talking and that, that is very like romantic to her.

But I always, I was like, okay, we have tried these things.

We have tried talking.

We've tried romance.

Like, let me open up new paths and corridors in my life.

Like, and see, I see what else I can be, you know?

And, and again, don't be revolution.

I was trying not to be revolutionary about it.

I was just trying to be like, gradual about it because I was sick of the mode that I was,

I, I had been in previously, if that makes sense.

Let me get this straight.

You and Italy.

Ciao.

Pretend it to be the white Italian man's fiance.

Hard to believe.

This is Michael, my nephew.

One job, no.

Then you ended up catching feelings for the black Italian cousin brothers, man.

On April 10th, she came for the pasta and got lost in the sauce.

Please, just tell me what you support me.

No.

No.

Is he fine, though?

Come on, baby.

You can say you love me, baby.

You and the intesca name.

Ready, PG-13.

Only Peter's April 10th.

Maybe inappropriate for children under 13.

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AJ, you have a game?

You want to play?

Oh, God.

This is right quick.

Okay.

It's called, who does this?

By the way, I'm having fun on this show.

This is really good.

This is really fun.

It's about 10 more minutes out of you.

All right.

So the game is who does this?

And you would select more likely men, more likely women, or both?

Are your options?

Do you see the pain already?

I should have my face.

I'm like.

I'm ready.

I'm ready.

And it's just overall relationship.

Not even just about cleaning and stuff.

So.

Okay.

This first one.

Keep score in arguments.

Keep scoring arguments.

Who does this?

Keep score in arguments.

It's got to be women.

It's got to be women.

Hey, I can't hear no.

It's got to be women.

But I try to be like that much.

I'm always trying to be like, you know, let's go back.

Let's go way back.

And like try to remember.

Get the files out.

I can never remember the date.

But yes, I think this woman.

They're better at it than men.

All right.

Who wants.

Who wants.

Who wants.

Who wants.

Who wants.

Who wants.

Who wants.

Who wants.

Recognition for effort.

Women.

Men are both.

I think both want it.

But men want it more.

I think both want it.

But men want it more for doing less.

Women wanted.

And it's never.

It's like never seen.

And like you got to be like.

You got to.

You got to say thank you for this.

You say thank you for this.

Oh my god.

Get some soul.

What.

Oh.

I know.

I know.

Cause she'll like say.

I'm like thanks for making their lunch this morning.

Thank you for that.

She's just like.

It's not a problem.

What do you do.

It's my specialty.

Easy shit.

Women.

Women are actually easier.

I believe.

Okay.

Okay.

We love you.

You know, yes.

We just need one reason to stay.

Uh.

Says nothing is wrong when something is clearly wrong.

Says nothing is wrong with something.

That is a man.

Says a man will like.

I agree.

Yeah.

He will deny.

I thought you were going to say women.

I thought you were going to say women.

Uh-uh.

Really?

You always.

I feel like I always see a woman.

Like walking around the house quiet.

And I saying shit.

And the man.

walking around the house quiet,

not saying she and the man will be like,

well, nothing.

Nothing.

Oh, that way, I thought you meant denial.

Like, like, like, that is denial as well,

but I thought you meant like,

like if there's clearly a problem in the relationship

and he's like, why are you tripping?

Everything's fine.

You know, like, like saying that everything is fine.

That's a man thing.

Like, yeah, but if there's something,

woo, it's like jazz, it's the notes you don't play.

Like, when she's like, I'm like, I'm gonna go out,

get some beers with the boys.

And she's like, yeah, go do that.

That's fine.

I'm like, I'm not going out, like if it's toned,

if it's toned like that, like, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah.

Dada, see what happens.

She's not, she, if she doesn't say, like,

I'm happy for you, you should do that.

Like, no, that's good.

I love that guy.

Sure.

So I see, I see what you meant there.

Sorry.

These are good questions.

All right.

Okay.

What's next?

Does things with expectations attach?

Oh, does things with expectations attached?

That is, that is definitely some man stuff.

I feel like, yeah, that is, yeah.

I expect ticker tape parade.

I expect like, you know, school will be suspended.

Banks closed, yes.

Yeah.

I expect their partner to read their minds.

Expensive partner to read their minds.

That is that women do that, women do do that.

But I also feel that, but, but I feel it's probably

men more that, yeah, it's men more.

I agree.

Yeah.

Because we want to be treated as we would treat others

and we don't always express what we need

or want in the moment.

And it comes back to bite us in the ass, man.

Like it's real bad.

No, explicitly state what it is that they need.

You're just supposed to know.

And then if you don't know, men are not as simple

as they like to say.

We're very complicated.

We're very complicated.

I mean, listen, the most complicated thing

that my wife does is say that she doesn't want anything

for Valentine's Day when she clearly

wants something done for Valentine's Day.

Like she does that every year and every year.

Like, I have a panic attack.

But like, but that's about it.

Like, for me, I know I'm lowkey.

Like, oh my God, you ate the last of this in the refrigerator.

I didn't put my name on it.

I didn't tell anybody that I wanted it.

And but everybody's going to pay for it later.

You know what I'm saying?

Because I'm an Aquarius.

So that's the way I was.

No, we're about me and my wife are both Aquarius's.

Oh, y'all are going together then.

You've got it.

Now I didn't have got out the Aquarius.

I was with man.

He took a shower just as much as I did.

He cleaned up just as much as I did.

Like, that wasn't a problem with the Aquarius.

Aquarius is often will do whatever you want them to do.

So it's like, we our survival mode is like, we don't argue.

We go with the flow.

No, I don't.

Y'all create arguments calmly.

And now we get to 100.

They looking at you like, it's not that serious.

Y'all get some shit after you don't got me on a hunt it.

Yeah, that's what Aquarius do.

Oh my god.

I can't speak for all Aquarius.

I can't speak for all Aquarius.

What about this one?

Apologizes just to end an argument, not because they mean it,

but just to stop the argument from it.

That is a man thing right there.

I will do it.

I'll jump on the grenade.

I just want to start.

I'm going to tell you a quick story.

All right.

Women now, women now wearing like the trench coats in New York City.

They like these kind of like, like detective trench coats, right?

I saw the mysteries as very fashionable for women in Manhattan to wear them.

I had one, a Christian Dior vintage trench coat that I liked a lot about 10 years ago.

My wife says ugly throw it out.

I was like, but babe, I think it's cool.

I think she's like, who wears that?

Throw it out.

You look crazy.

I was like, okay.

Okay.

Pick the gadget.

I love to expect a gadget.

Penny would solve all the mysteries.

Come on.

Brain.

All right.

Women doing all the work.

Crees summer.

Crees summer.

Lift.

Lifted that show.

Okay.

Penny.

All right.

All right.

So anyway, back on track.

Speaking of ADHD.

Recently, guess what came back in style.

All the women wearing these.

She goes.

Babe, look at this online.

It's from a ritzy.

I look at.

I want it.

Will you buy it for me?

Well, I buy it.

If you apologize to me for 10 years ago, I will buy it.

World War Three.

World War Three.

Yeah.

That's right.

That's right.

Exactly.

Exactly.

But everything's cool now.

Everything's fine.

I bought it.

Did she apologize?

Never.

You lost that war.

You lost that war.

You have to know when to shut the fuck up.

That's why that's why at the beginning of this, I was like, do they want me to talk?

I don't know when to talk with it.

I was glitching.

I was glitching.

I was glitching.

Especially coming on the show called We Talk Back with some black women.

I know you from the Carolinas too.

I'm like, oh, Lord, I got to know how to present myself.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Effort should lead to more intimacy.

Oh, thanks.

Effort should lead to more intimacy.

I mean, I wrote a whole damn book about this.

I think, okay, thanks effort.

Yes.

Yes, that's a guy thing.

But you've got to be like, you've got to be like, you owe it with this shit.

You've got to, it's like the force.

You can't want it.

If you want it, it's not going to happen.

You've got to, you've got to just do the thing and it will happen.

It's like, but you can't force it.

So I'm saying that's a man thing, but I'm trying to educate as well.

Just saying.

You got one, Sam?

Yeah.

Stop.

Stop doing something just to see if their partner notice is.

That's a woman.

I have a molecule, diabolical, like my wife has stopped cooking.

She stopped cooking.

It's, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a fraught time over here.

She stopped cooking because she teaches night classes.

She's a professor.

So three days out of the week, she's, she's gone and doing that.

So I'm like, okay, I got to step up and cook and that's what I've been doing.

And you got to cook, but you also got to put a silencer on it too.

You can't be like, well, look at me doing all the cooking.

Because then I asked, so I've been doing this for months now.

And I asked my son, I said, I said Malcolm, like who cooks as much?

Like mommy's daddy's like, who cooks mommy or daddy?

He's like mommy.

I'm like, motherfucker, I, I made you nuggets from scratch, like, what are you talking about?

You were watching the Simpsons, I was over here, whatever, you know, like that's

that's what it is.

So yes, believes they're the better partner.

Believes are the better partner.

Men always believe it.

Men, we always believe we did, did amazingly well.

We over, in my research, we over-hype ourselves with the confidence that we, like, we're over-confident

in our performance all the time.

I thought you would say women, women believe, I think because I do think sometimes women believe

that they can do no wrong in a relationship, like as always a man, like, when are you going

to think about some shit you might have contributed to in a relationship that caused it to end,

you know?

So I thought you would say women.

Hey, push back.

Tell me, tell me I'm wrong.

Tell me I'm wrong.

Tell me I'm wrong.

Because where I'm standing, it's always been, I'm just saying, I think she has been the

better partner in this relationship.

Just amazing.

I didn't even agree with that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm like, I feel like.

I think it's both.

I think it's both.

You think both?

Yeah, absolutely.

Everybody thinks that they're the better partner.

Every, like, man, like, yeah, my ex was crazy as hell, and the one was, like, he was such

a bad communicator.

I was just the best communicator.

He can, like, it's always, everybody thinks they're the best.

Everybody.

I started his post on Instagram, and I commented on it.

Thousands of comments and likes on it.

The post was a guy, like, driving out of shooting his drop-top, and he was like, you know

you a crazy bitch of a man got to tell you, let's have a good day-to-day, babe.

I commented and said, yeah, after that nigga ruined the day before.

After you ruined the day, now you telling me to say, I'm a good day, after you done cause

some bullshit.

Right.

You know, nigga, I'm knocking shit over today too.

I'm not done.

I had to take a nap.

And if I got on, I got a messy meme for today, right, quick, too, it says, I love being,

I love beating a dead, dead horse.

I don't give a fuck.

I got something else to say.

That's true though.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

I would never.

I never tell a woman to calm down.

Never tell her to have a good day.

Like, I never tell my wife that.

I say, I love you.