Ché Ahn - Sep 21 - 9:00 am

0:00Did you know that mosquitoes have killed almost half of all people who have ever lived? Today, people are fighting back. With support from the Gates Foundation, American scientists and partners around the world have developed a new generation of bed nets that can kill up to 90% of mosquitoes exposed to them, helping cut malaria rates in half. The result? A safer, healthier future for everyone. The Gates Foundation, partners of human potential, search Gatesfoundation.org slash mosquito to learn more. And streaming on the ESPNF.

1:26When I got out of the room and the police officers had them arrested, I remember very clearly looking at his eyes and they were so dark and I just knew like, this is not my dad. I got on my knees and for the first time in my life I said to the Lord, if you just take this addiction from me, I will serve you for the rest of my life. And I heard someone say yes, but when I looked up, nobody was there. This door that you stepped through and being as vulnerable as you've been today, it's just the beginning. Hey everyone, welcome to the Honest Podcast. Our main goal here is to reach and impact as many people as possible. So please like, subscribe, but most importantly, share this with as many people as you can who you think it'll encourage. We greatly appreciate it and now onto the show.

2:26Yeah. Sharon Alvarez. Yes. It is good to have. Did I say your last name properly? You did. You did a little bit. I know you're from Nicaragua, right? Yes. So you speak as Spaniol. I speak Spanish. Okay. My Spanish is a little bit like that. Much more. Ah, I don't understand. How do you say I'm sorry? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. That's such a so-cordy, but it's okay. I'm brushing up on my Spanish. You're actually from Nicaragua, which I probably didn't even say that, right? Nicaragua. Nicaragua. How old were you when you moved to the States? I was about five, so my dad was a professional boxer, so we would fly back and forth between

3:27Nicaragua and Los Angeles for a while until I was 11 years old. This is very fascinating to me because I love everyone's story. Everyone, first of all, everyone has a story. Yes. But I love a little bit what I've heard from your story and you had already told me. And by the way, just for those who are listening, Sharon is our amazing makeup artist. And so we wanted to have her at the table to converse a little bit about your testimony, your story. But I love sports. Now, I'm not really, really into boxing just because it's a little harder to watch, professional boxing, but any type of professional athlete that is in the limelight or that is going for a championship or a title in this case, I'm always fascinating. Word on the street is that your dad actually was pretty good as a boxer. Now, what division was he? I think he was super flyweight around there. Yeah, he's smaller for sure. You think I could take him in the ring? Yeah, maybe. Because I'm probably twice as size, but no, he would demolish me.

4:30But what was he was like on the card with? Yeah, on a Mayweather card, yeah. On a Mayweather. Yeah, his last boxing fight was actually on a Mayweather card in the MGM grand. Oh my goodness. He was a really good boxer, yeah. Do you remember his record? That's a good question. Or how many wins or how many? It was a buff 30. I remember that. Yeah. And then he had a one draw, which was like a big fight because he knocked out this really great Mexican boxer. He was the only one to ever knock him out. I remember that. I don't have the numbers right off the top of my head, but he was two times world champion. Wow. Yeah. Okay. So your father was a boxer. You have four brothers. Yes. So a lot of testosterone, a lot of... Yeah, tough. But she's more mutual, mutual, for today. What they're doing. Yeah, okay. What was that like for you? Because you're a second, right? So you have an older brother and you have three younger brothers. Correct. Yes. So here in the US, I have three brothers and I have one in Ikadawa,

5:31which I haven't met in person. I just know him over the phone. But with my other brothers, I basically grew up being the middle child for a long time. And well, it was tough. We just put on the gloves, we'll fight each other and just wrestle around because that's all we knew. Wait, so you would even put on the gloves? I would, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Were you at any time interested in professional boxing or... You know... Even amateur. You know, good question. Since my dad left, I think I shut that side off. But if my dad would have stood, I think I would have gone for it. Okay. We'll talk about the journey of your dad being in your life and then not in your life. But okay, so you kind of like toughened up a little bit. You're into boxing, rough housing with your brothers. Oh, yeah. Your dad's a boxer. So this is the kind of environment you grew up in. And what was your relationship, if you don't mind me asking, like with your mom? Was it... Yeah. Was she like... Like, obviously she's the only woman you could turn to. Yeah. But was that...

6:32So mom is a hard worker. So my mom used to manage my dad in boxing. So my mom was... She wasn't absent, but she had to work all the time with my dad. So I basically grew up most of the time with my brothers. So our grandparents kind of raised us. My mom and dad were in the picture, but it was... You know, it was so fast-paced in their schedule. It wasn't like we're always doing the nurturing thing. But she's a good mom. We have a great relationship now, yeah. Even as we have this conversation today, you're living with her. You work with her. So you have a good relationship. But I was just asking because I had the opposite situation. So my dad and I are the only boys in the family. So I have three little sisters. They're not little anymore. But growing up, three little sisters. And so for me to build that bond with my mom was very intentional. Because I was around my sisters, but having that connection with my mom. But even more intentional was my relationship with my dad. Because I didn't have any brothers. So for you to have that connection with your mom was important.

7:36But to your point, she's gone a lot. So you're really with your brothers. Yes. What was that like for you as a young girl? And you moved to the States when? We stood here officially, I think in 2006. I was about 11. I loved it. But we were always back and forth. You know, great question is really making me think. And I'm like, oh my god, my and my mom's relationship really started getting good when I got saved. Yeah, because part of it is to like, she was a single mom after my dad left. So she worked two jobs. And so the same dynamic. My brothers and I, my grandparents would watch us. And so I didn't really have the nurturing aspect from mom. Not because she couldn't like, she didn't want to, but she just couldn't because she was being the breadwinner, you know, trying to provide for the home. So our relationship really kicked off once I started getting healing after being saved. I see. Okay. That makes sense because she was so focused on managing your dad on the road, the hustle and bustle of working for a professional boxer.

8:39So now this is, I think the second or third time you mentioned about your dad leaving. That's a very strong statement. Can you, can you tell me a little bit about why that was? Or before even why he left. But I think he had shared some pretty traumatic things that had happened. As a young girl before he left. So whatever you want to share, please feel free. So, you know, my dad, the fame, right? Like that's been a thing. And when he was boxing, his name was alcoholism. So there was always kind of like violence in the house. You know, him and my mom will get into it. And you know, she went through some stuff with him, you know, some domestic violence. And towards the end, like by06, you know, he had set the house on fire at one point with all of his in it. And, wait, wait, wait. Yes. Hold on a second. That's a really strong statement. Yeah. And was he drunk? He was drunk. Okay. So he, because of his fame, one of the things that he turned to was alcoholism, which for a professional athlete, I can imagine some days were probably like

9:43with the training and professional fighting. That must be a crazy dynamic. But nevertheless, what, walk me through, if it's okay with you, and I want to be sensitive to your story, yeah. Walk me through what happened the day or the night that he decided to set the house on fire. Like what was going on for him to do that? So my dad before he became a boxer, he was in some form of military in Nicaragua. And so my dad actually would drink way before, you know, fame, but with fame, obviously women, alcohol, all that kind of just, you know, kind of builds up. And so when he would drink, we already knew he was going to come home and do trouble. So it wasn't like the first time that something like that happened, but that was actually like the end where my mom was like, okay, this is enough, right? So that night he came home and my older brother opened the door for him and he literally ran up the stairs because he would come in like so angry and furious that we, you know,

10:43my brother just ran up the stairs. We all locked ourselves up in a room and we could hear him saying stuff, you know, like, saying bad words and like doing a mess. And next thing, you know, we could smell smoke. And so before the smoke even happened, my mom was already like calling the cops. So the cops came, they knocked on the door. My older brother went to go open. Our room was on fire. And the police department came, knocked them down. They shut the fire. And my dad ended up getting arrested. And so he was sued by the fire department and he went to press and for about maybe nine months, you know, my mom's still contended for him. Get got him a lawyer and they got him a good deal. But, you know, the process was hard. Yeah. Oh, goodness. So I know it may come across as crying, but I'm just really curious. Yeah. And one of the things that we're trying to do in this, through these conversations is to be as vulnerable as possible. But, yes, he was drunk.

11:44And yes, there was a history of violence. There was a history of domestic violence and abuse. But, can you know or can you help me understand what his intention was? Was he really trying to just take you guys out or scare you or both? Or what do you think? Was he just didn't want to do with you guys anymore? I think it was a spiritual thing. Okay. Yeah. And the reason I say this is because when I got out of the room and the police department, like the police officers had him arrested, I remember very clearly looking at his eyes and they were so dark. And I just knew like, this is not my dad. Like, this is not my dad. And when I got saved and encountered the Lord, I didn't encounter with the Lord where he healed my father wounds. The Lord reminded me like, that wasn't him. And so I know as a spiritual thing. And it wasn't the first time I'd try to like kill us. He would try to do that with my mom in the car. And then previously he had put two knives to my neck. And you know, throw it into kill me if I didn't get my mom from the car.

12:45I won five minutes, which that would be nearly impossible. So I believe it's a spiritual thing. And I believe it was like an assignment against our lives. And even his mom, you know, she, woman of prayer and pray in tongues, but my dad was on the other side of the end. And I know it's not because he's a bad person, but for whatever reason, whatever doors he opened up, opened it up for evil. So I think it's a spiritual component for sure. Sure. As you said, that, that totally makes sense. And I don't even know why I was thinking his intention. Because when someone given what you just described does something like that, there is a spiritual reason. Yeah. And, and. Did you know that mosquitoes have killed almost half of all people who have ever lived? Today, people are fighting back with support from the Gates Foundation. American scientists and partners around the world have developed a new generation of bed nets that can kill up to 90% of mosquitoes exposed to them, helping cut malaria rates in half. The result? A safer, healthier future for everyone.

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14:55Hey Spotify listeners! When you travel with American Airlines, you'll enjoy comfort and convenience at every altitude. Before takeoff unwind in the Admiral's Club lounge with curated self-serve offerings of hearty vites and refreshments, in flight stay connected with high-speed Wi-Fi, sponsored by AT&T. Your journey is designed to feel easy from the moment you check in to the moment you arrive, no matter where you're going, American gets you there. Book now at AA.com. We've talked even at this table about demonic influence or spiritual influence and principalities and whatnot. So you're saying that he was not just maybe under the influence of alcohol, but under the influence of a spiritual dark presence and the enemy obviously at hand. But you said something just now that caught my attention and again I want to be sensitive to you, but you said that your father held two knives to your neck to your throat. Yes. How old were you when this happened? It was around the same season. So maybe 10, 11 years old.

15:57He had came home drunk. My mom was still in the carawa doing a business and he wanted her to come home and he was like, if you don't get her home, I'm going to like kill you and my brothers, my grandma, they were all watching. I want to say one of the most traumatic years that we went through. Yeah. First of all, thank you for sharing that. Yeah, of course. Secondly, I just want to say I honor your bravery not just to share, but to not give up because I can imagine I've heard very traumatic stories through this podcast, but also just doing ministry myself. I don't think I've ever heard anyone share this specific of being in a home that was set on fire by their own father and then having their own father hold two knives to their neck. Thank you for sharing that. But how did that affect you? Yeah. Obviously, you're a different person now. Yes. But before, I can imagine the trauma, especially at that age, talk me through a little bit of how

17:00that affected you. So it's ironic and funny because it's not funny, but it's ironic because when he went to a person, he'll write me letters. He's like, I'm going to change. You know, I'm going to do the things right. And in my heart, there was hope. And once he got out, he just left, started doing more work business and ended up in a relationship. And so he never kept his word. You would think, well, how do you still want love from him after he tried to kill you? But there was this little girl on me that was like, well, I'm that his little girl. And I love him. I love him besides the fact that he did that to me. And so when he left for me, it was like, okay, I wasn't mad at the fact that you almost killed me. I'm mad at the fact that you abandoned me. And so I started becoming very angry. And so I would pick fights in school and started hanging around with the wrong friends. I grew up in the hood. So I picked that side of society. Like, I just wanted people who wouldn't let themselves. And you know, in the hood, it's like, you look for family.

18:02And I was looking for family, although I had my brothers. But it was like, I want to protection because I didn't get that from my father. Interesting. Who I radically was a boxer. Exactly. And then mom, you know, like, for a long time, I was mad at her, you know, for like everything that we went through. But it was like now, obviously, on the other end, I'm like, my mom did the best she could. And you know, like, I wouldn't be sitting here today if she wouldn't have sacrificed to work 16 hours a day so that we could remain in this country. Okay. Yeah. So your dad gets out of prison after nine months. And instead of coming back home, did he divorce your mom when you say like he went off with? No, he just went off into his things. They didn't get divorced till later on. So there was obviously adultery always in their relationship. Oh, wow. Like, my mom went through a lot of stuff with my dad. She really wanted to make it work. Yeah. Okay. So he basically just left even though technically he wasn't even divorced. Yeah. At that point. Correct. And so then you turned to find acceptance and protection from other people.

19:07Now, did you get involved with gangs or just was it the barrio, the neighborhood, the kids? Or what did that look like? I got like very involved, like infiltrated. But I didn't personally become a member, but I did hang around a lot. And you know, that led to obviously like getting into fights. I started smoking weed. And from that, I made friends that would, you know, do ecstasy. So I started popping pills. And then, you know, it just kind of kept going. And slowly, but surely I got introduced to math, which math later on in my life became my go-to drug. Okay. How old were you roughly when you started to get into drugs and this whole scene? So I started smoking weed around maybe 13. And then one of my best friends got murdered the year after. And then I started kind of drinking because I didn't understand like, why would anybody kill a 15-year-old, you know, like this makes no sense? So my environment was a lot of like pain, hurt, suffering,

20:07murder, like why am I experiencing all these things? We should be having fun. And so it just kind of opened the gateway to all the other things. I don't have like recollection of when I did the first time I did math, but you know, like it was already in high school. And maybe like 10th, 11th grade, so maybe 15, 16 years of age. And then it just became like, you know, recreation or use, like every time we'll go to a party or then it became on the weekends. But then later on in my life, it just became a habitual thing. So it was like a functioning addict. I was going to say you became an addict, functioning addict, okay? Correct. Can I ask you just some details like how were you able to obtain eat in high school? I can imagine like it's accessible, but it still costs money. Sure. So how did you support your habit? You know, good question. One of my friends, his mom used to actually give it to us. Wow. And so yeah, so it was just available. And then I started working, you know, later on when I was like 17, 18,

21:12and then obviously you just, you know, buy your own thing. And at some point I was actually dealing stuff. So since I was dealing it, it was already accessible to me as well. Oh wow. Okay. So when you say you were dealing like you, you were like the middle person. I don't even know. This is a world that my dad has kind of shared a little bit with me. So I have some familiarity with it. Yeah. But I'm very like not familiar with this. But did you, were you like the one selling it at your school? Yeah. Not necessarily at school, but like two people that lived in the neighborhood. You know, around like close friends that I knew would do it. And I did that for a time. It wasn't like forever, but I did it for a time. But the whole point is that you were supporting a habit. Sure. And this is a hardcore drug. Tell me a little bit about like what is this? Because again, I'm trying to understand your world or the world you lived in. Yeah. Where does that take you when you do math? Is it, first of all, just ask a very basic question.

22:14It's all good. People listening are like, you don't know that. But it doesn't give you a hide. Is it giving you a low? Definitely an upper. Okay. So it's an upper. Yeah, it's an upper. So I think for me, since I had gone through so many dark things, doing math was kind of like, oh, I can actually do things. Like I can get more done in a small amount of time, right? Then I would if I wasn't on the drug. So like I would even go to college. And me and my best friend would be in the restroom, you know, snorting lines. And then we'll go back into class and, you know, like nothing happened. So yeah, it became a very habitual functioning addict thing. And it came in seasons because there was times where we would stop. But it would always come back around again. Yeah. Okay. And were there any like ramifications, side effects? Like did you notice anything happening to you? The more you started to use it? Yeah. So I want to say that didn't start happening to the last year. That I was on it because I was like really, you know,

23:16just heavy using at that point. Like it, I wasn't even doing it with my best friend at that point. It was just like I was on my own. And I just felt broken and empty. And so whatever it was, I'll just do it. And so at that point, I started, you know, like, angry, having sort of like really bad dreams. And at some point I started having delusions. And I remember looking in the mirror one day and thinking like, you know, what if like I'm the crazy one? Because I used to say, oh, my family's crazy, you know, because you know, at that, when you're on drugs, you're not thinking about the other people. You're being selfish, you're only concerned about what you need and what you're experiencing. And so I'm like, oh, they're just crazy. They're always on me, you know, and one day I looked in the mirror and I was like, what if they're not crazy? And I'm the one that's crazy. And I remember feeling like I glitched with reality. And was, I felt like I had lost my mind. So I would hear stuff like that. And one time I was trying to my best friend's house, I got into a really bad fight with my mom. And I thought, hit me like, might as well just run this car

24:20into the corner, you know, like into a post. So there was moments where it started affecting me in that way, you know, where it was like, it was starting to make me think that I was losing my mind. Mental condition, mental ramifications, suicidal ideation, at least at that one. That one time, yeah. That one time. And so you now went, first of all, I just want to kind of get a background around this time of your life was your dad present at all during this time. So at this point, he had divorced your mom. He was gone. Yeah. No communication, nothing. Nothing. So my dad, I stopped talking to my dad in 2012 because even though he left, we'll communicate somewhat. But we wouldn't see him. But in 2012, it was my graduation time. And I almost got kicked out of high school because I would just fight and ditch and all the stuff. And one of the principals who had cancer at the time, I remember this very clearly, he advocated for me with all my teachers that they will let me stay and I'll do continuation school.

25:21So he did. And I was like, you know what, I'm going to work hard. I'm going to make my dad proud. And I'm going to graduate. So I was like the third to last student that got admitted to graduate. So I barely almost made it. So then that's happening. We contact my dad and it's like, hey, like, I'm going to graduate. You should come. And he said, I can't have business in Ikehrawa. And that's when he finally left Ikehrawa. So he didn't come to my graduation. And that's when I just lost it. And I was like, I don't want to have you in my life. Like, I'm mad. I blocked them off of my social media. I started coming at him in his marriage. You know, like, I became very toxic because I was so hurt that, OK, here you are again, rejecting me when all I wanted was your love. Right. And it was a pivotal time of your life. You're graduating. And you worked hard to even make it. And right. And so he, so that was, and can I ask, is that the last time that you had a communication or at least? We talked now. OK. So we'll get to that part. We'll get to that part. Just not the end of the story. OK. So, but during that time, your dad wasn't present.

26:23You're abusing drugs. You're having these somewhat mental, conditional ramifications and all of this. And what else was going on in your life? Where can I ask, were you in a relationship? Upgrade. What was that? Yeah. So I had long-term relationships. So I was in a couple. And I'm thinking from age 15 to age 25, right? That's 10 years. That's how long I was using drugs. And like, the whole maybe five years, the first five was recreational. The next five, it was a little more in depth. And the last three was when it was more consistent with the met, more consistent with the mental stuff. But yes, I had relationships. I was towards the end. I was in one that I really fell in love. And I was in that relationship for five years. And in that relationship, we experienced a lot of stuff. So, and then the other one was true. So I ended up obviously being in fornication, living in the life of sin. And I even had to abortions in the process of all these years.

27:25And so, yeah, it was like I was going deeper into deeper holes. And every time I was just losing more and more parts of myself. And all I really wanted was left. Yeah, thank you for sharing that. That's not a light subject. Could I ask during that time of abortion, what was that like for you? Did you feel like forced to do it? Because your boyfriend asked you. Do you feel like it was made in your decision? Did your mom know about it? Walk me through that a little bit. That's okay with you. Yeah, that's fine. So I had one very early, maybe 16 or so. That one was more of my, well, both were my decision, right? Like I chose to do them. But the first one I felt I did it out of selfishness because I was like, well, I'm still going to, you know, get high and I'm too young. What am I doing? Like I ain't even going to last with this guy. And so my engagement that time was more selfish than it was like anybody told me to do it or anything like that.

28:27On the second one, it was more of, I was experiencing in that relationship. I was being cheated on. And we were at the end of like, you know, just stuff. And I actually didn't want to have it. But I wouldn't want to say I was encouraged, but I wasn't talked out of it, you know, by relatives. And so I just felt like I went for it. And because I actually wanted it, this one actually really hurt me. Because after a happen, I felt like, oh, I actually feel part of me is missing. And so that's when I started really just diving in deeper in the drugs and to the point where my best friend was like, dude, like, I don't recognize you. You're kind of scary me right now. But again, it was like all my decisions were taking pieces of myself. As you're sharing that, I was thinking of, you know, the phrase of horse hitting rock bottom. Yeah. And sometimes we hit the bottom so hard that it feels like you can't go any lower.

29:30I mean, obviously you could even mention the possibility of taking your own life. But it sounds like, and correct me if I'm wrong, but you're at the lowest of growth. You hit rock bottom. And even to the point where your friend, or at least one of your friends, couldn't even recognize you. So if it's okay with you now to talk a little bit about, was this where you cried out for help? Was this what happened around this time? I would love to say that's when I actually cried out for help, but I didn't. That was kind of like 2017, 2018. I got saved in 2020. So I would write letters to God in journals and not realize that I was having conversations with him. But I would write letters to him and in that relationship, I remember one day just saying like, you know, if I'm not supposed to be with this guy, then you give me the strength to let him go. And one day I just left my stuff at the house and I never went back. Was this the serious relationship you were telling me? Yeah, this was the one where I fell in love and all this stuff.

30:31Yeah, I just didn't go back. One day I woke up and I was like, yep, I'm done here. Like I'm tired of being cheated on. We're not going anywhere and I just, I left. Oh, before I left, I trashed the room and then I left. And then, and my mom made a space for me at home and which I was thinking my mom was gonna hit me with, I told you so, you know, so for a long time, I didn't want to go home because I didn't want to hear it from her. But she didn't do that. She took me in, she built me my room. We painted it and I kind of went into a depression because you know, like I actually wanted this relationship and I wanted this baby and you know, everything that I wanted, I actually kind of just gave it up. I felt like I had to in my mind. And so that's when I just, you know, still drinking, still partying. Then I met another guy and I got with him and we were together for two years before I got saved and then two years after I got saved. But in the process of that, he kind of helped stabilize me in a way

31:32but I never stopped doing drugs and he didn't even know, I, he didn't even know that I was doing drugs. Oh really? So it wasn't like he was doing it with you or anything like that. No, that relationship was so toxic because we were kind of like rebounds for each other. So, you know, I would treat him bad because of what I went through. So I would like kind of abuse him, never give him his place as a leader. And once I got saved that change, and I changed, but it was almost like he was still engaging me from the place of that girl that was hurting him. So we weren't going anywhere for like two years. I just felt like he had resentment towards me. I see. Okay, so the, so much is going on. And you were in a relationship that was serious. You broke that one off, not verbally, but just by leaving after trashing his room. You were still doing math. Yes. You had an abortion. You got into this relationship with this other guy. And so what was the turning point for you in the midst of all this despair,

32:33and addiction, and craziness? How you mentioned the word salvation and for those who are listening, that is the crux of really our faith is when we get saved, right? When we meet Jesus. How did you meet him? How did you? And by the way, you mentioned you, the journal. So you had some background or some understanding of God or church or... Yeah. We didn't grow up going to church or anything like that. But I think my dad actually put it in us to pray. Really? Yeah. So his mom was Christian. And I remember she used to pray over me in tongues, because I used to get sick a lot from my stomach. So I have memories of her praying for me in tongues. But so there was some seed in my life. And I didn't know it. So now that I'm saving, I'll look back and I'm like, oh God, you were always there. And so what ended up happening was in 2020, my sister-in-law, who comes from a Christian household, invited me to church. And I had told her, yes,

33:35but I ended up leaving to go to drugs. And she made a second attempt. And on the second attempt, she invited me again. I told her, yes. And in my heart, to be honest, I was not gonna go. But I ended up picking up my best friend and we're already getting ready. We're in the car, we're cracking the math, we're about to snort it. Oh, yeah. So you're cracking math on the way to church, or right before going to church? Yes, but I was gonna cancel. So I was like, well, I'm gonna hang out anyway. So, you know, whatever. So me and my best friend are there, we're cracking the math. Not even five minutes from picking her up. The fear of the Lord falls on me. And I just, my heart just starts beating out of my chest and my hands get so clammy, I can literally see water on them. And I look over and I said, you know, if I don't go to church, I am gonna die. And she tells me, do what you gotta do. I mean, even her to respond to me in that way, you know, like just like, do what you gotta do, it's all good. So I end up, you know, picking up my family, we go to church, as soon as I walk in, they're the pastors preaching Psalm 91, Psalm 91, which is the only Psalm that I know,

34:37you know, from a childhood. So I walk in and I just, you know, started crying. And I didn't understand why I was crying, but I was crying and I didn't really understand because for so long I had backed up my feelings and my emotions and became really hard and tough. So it was something different for me, but then the pastor, she was so spiritless, she said, hey, like I want us to, before we get into the message, I want you to walk up to someone who you didn't know or you don't come with and tell them that you're happy they're there. And so there was this African-American lady with a beautiful affron the front and I went and walk up to the lady in the front pew, but next thing you know, I ended up at the altar. And the pastor hugs me and I just started crying and what I really heard was your home. You don't have to be strong anymore. And she prayed for me, I guess, slain in the spirit. I'm like on the ground for maybe like 10 minutes, just getting wrecked by the Lord. She starts singing songs over me, prophesying over me. And you know, once I got up like towards the end,

35:38I ended up receiving Jesus. Oh my God, wait, so this is even before the sermon? This is just during the greeting time. Just in the greeting time. She was possibly gonna do announcements. I don't, you know, know. But it was like right before she started preaching. It's almost as if the Holy Spirit paused everything. Yes. I'm going after my daughter. Yeah, 100%. She's coming home today. Yes. Everything else didn't wait. Exactly. Yeah. And you had this encounter with Jesus. Yes. And I didn't even understand what was happening to me because even when I went home that night, I sit up to like four in the morning trying to Google, why did I cry when I went to church? And why did I fall when I was at church? Because I don't have reference to what I'm experiencing. And so I wish I could say I got clean right away. I got clean for like two weeks and then I relapsed, which made the whole month of February probably the worst month of my life. Because what I now know is I was experiencing more fare,

36:40but I didn't know it then, but I was getting sleep paralysis. I couldn't sleep, you know, I was like doing more drugs than usual. And I remember, you know, the pandemic was coming up. And on March 16th, they were saying like, no, everybody stay home or whatever, but my pastor, you know, she's my spiritual mom right now. She's radical. So she was like, we're still having church, you know, you guys want to come. And I went and I remember she said, like, if you're just tired, come to the front. And on the screen, it said, come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. And I walked straight up and I just, you know, raised my hands up and she said, there's a shift coming into your life. And I end up getting slain again, but this time, I felt like something came out of me like all I felt was like, oh, like a breath left. And I just fell out in the power, you know, Holy Spirit. And when I got up, I got on my knees. And for the first time in my life, I said to the Lord, if you just take this addiction from me, I will serve you for the rest of my life. And I heard someone say, yes, but when I looked up, nobody was there.

37:40And when I looked over to the other side, my family was slain at the altar too. And so I'm just praising God, my sister-in-law gets baptized in the Holy Spirit. And I actually entered that day as an addict and walked out free. I literally got delivered from addiction that they instantly. There's a person in a friend, he has got it on the line. He's new and fresh, not new to God. And new to do this movement from now, there's some old circumstances. He's reducing every hand in the earth. We break it off shit. Come back. I'm getting, I'm getting the chills. You can't see the sun camera, but I'm getting goosebumps. I'm going on six years now, right now. I'm March, six years of being sober. Yeah. Congratulations. I'm going to give you a little extra toast there. That's a huge deal, Karen. You know, it's interesting because you said someone said, yes, but it wasn't anyone near you. It was obviously the Holy Spirit. Yeah. But it also took a year, yes. It was you saying, yes, I'm done with this lifestyle.

38:42I'm done with the addiction. Sure. I'm done with going around the mountain or going back and forth, right? And so your yes led to his yes. But his yes was a supernatural deliverance. So let me ask you, just to be clear, just to clarify, no withdrawals, no going back. That was the last time you didn't take drugs after that. Nothing. I didn't even think about it. I didn't, I just went on with life and no withdrawing, nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing. Not even weed. Nothing completely. I'm almost sounds like I'm offering it to you. I'm a little weak. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you know that mosquitoes have killed almost half of all people who have ever lived? Today, people are fighting back. With support from the Gates Foundation, American scientists and partners around the world have developed a new generation of bed nets that can kill up to 90% of mosquitoes exposed to them, helping cut malaria rates in half. The result? A safer, healthier future for everyone. The Gates Foundation, partners of human potential.

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40:48Hey Spotify listeners. When you travel with American Airlines, you'll enjoy comfort and convenience at every altitude. Before takeoff, unwind in the AdMIRAL's Club Lounge with curated self-serve offerings of hearty bites and refreshments. In flight, stay connected with high-speed Wi-Fi, sponsored by AT&T. Your journey is designed to feel easy from the moment you check in to the moment you arrive. No matter where you're going, American gets you there. Book now at AA.com. Want anything? I think I took an edible once, like years later. And I had the worst trip and I never again did it. But it was like, I don't care for it. Like it was like the hunger and desire was gone instantly. Yeah, and even recently, I was checking like statistics. Pastor David mentioned like the percentage for people actually getting off of meth without a program is very low. Yeah. So maybe like look and it's like 5% or less for people to stay off of it without actually going to a program. And I was like, shut, because I'm like, God, you really did that in my life, you know?

41:48That isn't, yeah, I have, because I do some life coaching and counseling on the side of I've had addicts, meth addicts specifically. And it is very, very hard. Yes. And so they have even some prescription drugs, like sub-I think it's sub-utics or something like that. To get off of it. To help you get off of it. But the fact that you were clean, stay clean, and the withdrawals never came. Never came. It is the power of the Holy Spirit. It's the power of God's love. But I know that's just part of the miracle, right? Because you talked about forgiveness. Yes. Talk about a little bit of reconciliation. Like you're sitting here not 20 minutes ago. Did you tell me that your father tried to burn you alive and hold two knives here and neck. But it seems like there's no animosity, no ill will, no resentment toward him. What happened with that? How did that happen? So I encounter Jesus the Savior when I get delivered from the drug. But the Lord obviously had to restore the way I saw my father

42:49because that's the way I saw him. So the Lord begins my healing process and at my spiritual mom's church, she brought one of her friends to come and she started singing this acapelos song where she was saying, come and be what he couldn't be to me and come remove this nail out of my chest. She's singing this song and I'm like, I feel like this is for me. But I don't know church dynamic or church culture. I just know I'm feeling something and she goes, this is for you, this is for you. And what she was talking to the camera girl, but I was like, oh my God, she's talking to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I let out this deep groan in the spirit and I just began to cry. And I was having an encounter with the Lord where every bad memory that my dad did for us was flashing before me, it was coming. It was like, it was rising up. It was like, look at it, face it and let it go. Look at it, face it and let it go. I was receiving healing from my father wounds in that way. And I'm just groaning, like Roman ate says. Like sometimes we don't know how to pray, but the spirit of God raised their groanings

43:49that we don't understand. Well, that was what I was experiencing. I walked out of there completely healed from my father wounds. I called my dad and I actually repented to him for all the stuff that I did to him when he left. Like call him out of his name and came against his marriage against my little brother, which I didn't even know. You know, it was so hurt. So I called him and I repented to him because I knew what forgiveness looked like. You know, I knew what forgiveness was because I walked in a church, a mess. And God extended his forgiveness to me, which is why I'm here today. And so how can I withhold that against my father? And so I extended that to him. My whole family was upset. Like, why are you doing that? Like, you know, he left and now we all chat. Now my mom and him talk every now and then, you know, like my brother also gets in contact with him. So you just shared two amazing testimonies of how there was, now this doesn't happen to everyone. Yeah.

44:50And every story is different. Every person is different, but completely delivered from drugs and completely delivered from unforgiveness and bitterness to your father. Where you walked out of church, but in both occasions, completely free. Yes. And that is again, the power of God. I think what is impacting me right now through your story is, is, I feel in this conversation the love of God. I feel his love. And although I can't relate to your background or your upbringing, I can relate to the love that I'm describing to you because it's the same love. And that's what I, that's what I'm still wrapping my mind around, even though I've been saved since the age of form. I've been saved for 41 years. And so 41 years of walking the Lord, it's still, I still can't fathom and understand the measure of God's love. But even if it's just a glimpse,

45:51or a taste or an understanding through someone else's story, of what that love is, it's enough to change my life. It's enough to change anyone's life. And so I think right now, I'm just, it's one thing to hear. It's another to feel like I'm feeling the love of God through hearing your story. And so I just want to encourage you. And if I could be prophetically that even right now, I just feel like this door that you stepped through, and being as vulnerable as you've been today, it's just the beginning. I don't know, I'm sorry. Thank you. I feel you were born, cheering you were born to bring the good news through your testimony, but also through your life. And so do not be surprised if more opportunities, more doors,

46:54and I even see you speaking on stage, which maybe feel very daunting to even fathom, but you were born to preach and you were born to share the good news, not just on a stage through a microphone, but the way you live your life. And I don't know, because we haven't talked about this pre-recording or even during the recording. If there's anyone else in your family that you're still condemning for, but I feel that even something today, through your testimony, Amen. Is it going to be released? Amen. And those who you have prayed for and contended for in your family, they will be saved. Amen. And you just watch and see starting from today. I'll see that. I bless you with that. Thank you. And whoever else is listening that wants to receive that same morning, encourage you, just receive it. Yes. Everyone, Bible says you and your entire household will be saved. That's right. Yes. So I'm even in my own family, relatives that we're contending for.

47:56Yeah. It's going to happen. Yes. Amen. Amen. Amen. There's so much more we can talk about. Maybe we'll have you on again, because I just feel like there's more. I feel like we're just scratching the surface here. Sorry. But what would you say just someone who's listening, who can maybe identify a part of your story, or maybe not even at all, but says, well, Sharon, that's good for you, but you don't understand my situation, or my wounds are way too deep. There's no way that God can heal them. Or my infreting is toward my parents, it's way too strong. There's no way. What are some things that you can encourage people who are listening to do that maybe has helped you? Because this is, yes, these are defining moments where you walked out in freedom. But we also know that freedom has to be continued. Yes. You have to continually walk it out. Yeah. Because I know the enemy will try to come in line. Yeah. Or something else comes up, or another thought, or another reminder. So how have you stayed the course of your freedom? And what would you encourage those who are listening to do?

48:57I think I would encourage people to fall in love with Jesus. It's just fall in love with Jesus, because it doesn't matter how hard or what you've gone through. I can't, you know, like the word says, that our thoughts are not like his thoughts. So we'll never really understand why we go through what we go through. But when we encounter his love, none of that matters. None of that matters. So I would say call out to him the word says, knock and the door shall be open, seek, and you will find. And so what I would say is, seek, knock, call out in the name of Jesus, and he's going to encounter you. He's going to encounter you, and he's going to transform you. I know, because I wouldn't be sitting here today if that weren't the case. Yeah. So good. Even right now, because this is a moment that I really feel is being led by this spirit. If you're listening to this, and you're saying, what do I have to lose? I've tried everything else. What do I have to lose? OK, I'll do it. I'll do it right now. I'll call out to God. I just want to encourage you call. Yes. Mypuses, whoever calls on the name of the Lord,

49:59will be saved. And so those who are listening, you're desperate hour. You're in your rock bottom state, whatever it may be, whether you can identify with Sharon's story or not, if you just call on him, I really believe people answer. And we're going to leave some time at the end of this episode also to lead people in a prayer of salvation, similar to the one that you prayed at the altar. But I will also add to what you say that there's no sin that is too great. There's no relationship that is too unrepairable or irreparable that God can't restore. And you're living walking testimony that that is true. And so I want to encourage those who are listening, never give up. Yes. Because he never gave up on us. Yeah. And it's like, I wasn't looking for him. I wasn't looking. I didn't know. So if God can come after someone that doesn't know how much more when you're actually being intentional. Oh, good. You know, so yeah. That's so good.

51:01Well, Sharon, thank you for not just sharing your testimony, but living it. Yeah. You're an example every time we come in to shoot and film here, or I see you at the front. And I was just saying this with one of my producers, you carry the piece of God, the Shalom of God. And so continue to walk that freedom out. And just like you did today, I know lives will be changed through your story. So bless you. And thank you. Amen. Thank you. Thank you for joining us on the Honest Podcast. Listen, if today's conversation impacted you and you would like to have a personal relationship with Jesus or if you'd like to rededicate your life to him, I want to invite you to pray a simple prayer. Just repeat after me. Heavenly Father, thank you for sending your son Jesus to die on the cross for me. I repent of all my sins and I ask you

52:01to be savior and Lord of my life. And by your grace, I will fall you and love you all the days of my life. Jesus' name, amen. If you pray that prayer for the first time or as a rededication, I just want to say congratulations. This is the best decision you could ever make. I want to encourage you to do three things now that you've prayed this prayer. Number one, spend time with God. The more you spend time with him, the more you get to know him, and the more you become like him. We're also going to leave some resources below in the description to help you on your journey. Number two, get plugged into a local church. You want to find community and you want to do life other brothers and sisters in Christ. And number three, continue to tune in to the honest podcast as we're going to discuss many topics that are going to help you in life, but most importantly in your journey and your walk with God. God bless you and we'll see you next time. MUSIC

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