Brain Cancer and Other Good Luck with Barry Maher

0:00Hey Mark. Hey Katie. Hey you want to do a podcast? Yeah. Sweet okay. Welcome to the Umforget Yourself Show where we use the power of Lou and the proof of science to help you identify your blind spots and get over your own bullshit so that you can do the fucking thing you actually want to do. Absolutely. I'm Mark. And I'm Katie. And we're the founders of Unforget Yourself and the creators of the Unforget Yourself system. Look, being a business owner is tough with vulnerability and with humour, we'll be sharing with you the real stories behind the success of those brave and crazy enough to start their own business and to show you that you're not alone. Not from the accidental entrepreneur to the laser focus CEO. We have honest conversations about how they get to where they are today. We talk about the challenges that they faced and what they're currently dealing with in real time on the roller coaster. Long the way we want to show you that it's you. You are the most important asset in your business. Yeah you are. So let's cut the bullshit and start

1:02the show. Enjoy. Okay, hello everyone and welcome to the show. Now just a quick interruption to a normally scheduled episode. If you wish more people knew you trusted you and actually reached out wanting to work with you, this is for you. Most experts try to post more shout louder or chase attention. But the truth is clients don't come from content. Clients come from real connections and that's why we built the profitable podcast system. We'll help you create your own simple relationship driven podcast that brings the right people into your world. It builds trust fast and turns amazing conversations into clients, content, impact and opportunities and all without you becoming a full time marketer or an influencer. So you don't need a big audience. You just need the right people hearing your voice, feeling your energy and thinking, okay, I get you. I trust you. I need to work with you. So if you want a proven way that actually grows your business, not just you all to do list.

2:04Head over to profitablepodcasts.com and we'll show you how this will work for you. And now onto your scheduled podcast episode. So today we have this Barry Mar, the speaker, consultant and author who helps business leaders and organizations to improve performance, leadership and communication. Through storytelling, speaking engagements, consulting work and award winning writing, Barry combines decades of business inside with humor, resilience and a deeply human perspective on overcoming adversity. Now, Barry's journey from discovering he had a cancerous brain tumour the size of a softball to waking up with a vivid supernatural story and Lady Gaga playing nonstop in his head demonstrates the extra ordinary ability to turn life's darkest moments into creativity, purpose and connection. And while continuing to write, speak and inspire audiences around the world, Barry approaches every day as an adventure with more focus, empathy and gratitude than ever before. Barry, welcome to the show.

3:10Hey, thanks for having me Mark. Really appreciate it. Absolutely. Pleasure. Thank you for joining us today. So just to kick us off, can you expand a touch more on you? Where are you today with with your business and who is it that you look to inspire? Excellent question. With my business today, I'm primarily a novelist. I'm still speaking because I love speaking, but having the brain tumour, I realized I didn't want to spend my life in airports and hotels anymore. So I cut down the speaking, you just select clients and I'm writing a weekly column, which is a humor column designed to help people get through some of the more serious things they may see in life. My humor column I may write about death. I may write about brain tumors. I may write about anything. And I've written a novel called The Great Dick and the Disfunctional Demon, which is a journey which I invite readers to take. Fantastic. So let's talk about your, because we can talk about your transition and how

4:12this all kind of about a bit later on. But tell me more about your book. Who is this fool? What is it? What is the purpose? What does it do? It's primarily entertainment, but at hospital has a moral. Not so this is the moral of this story, kind of moral. It's a experience that they go through. They experience what the hero Steve would house he goes through. He starts out, he used to be a hero. He used to be a hero. Now he's just a failed songwriter and he's running from the law. Worst he's just killed a man, almost accidentally saving a woman for what seems to be the strongest, most bloodthirsty wine on California. Steve should keep running. He's running from the law, but the woman Victoria, she's more than stunning. Steve stays and Victoria becomes just a part of a mystery that Steve can't begin to unravel. Even as the face of the man that he just killed slowly, gradually appears in his arm and then gradually fades away. So I take the reader through that experience. Hopefully the experience with Steve is experienced

5:17the fact of he was very successful. He was at the top of his field and for what he was doing as a student and as a leader. And then everything went wrong. Now he's a failure and he's trying to get back to where he thought he was before. He's trying to rebuild his self-esteem as a lot of people are trying to do. If you think about it, the reason this book is called The Great Dick and the Disfunctional Demon is for those who have read it, which is not many people actually, Moby Dick and The Great Gatsby, which a lot more people have read, are also books about someone trying to overcome a failure that threatens to define their entire life. And that's what Steve's going to do. And I think we all go through that. And I think experiencing a precarious way through Steve, especially in what's turned out to be what a lot of people, other than myself, have said is an incredibly exciting, funny, adventurous novel. I think that's worthwhile. Yeah, I love the way you blend inspiration and guidance with humor and breaking this

6:23down because to see this in someone else's eyes, to rebuild the self-esteem, to overcome the failure, we all go through these things. But for us personally, it's, we're too close to it. It feels so big. It feels so important. But to see it, and what do you say, live vicariously through the main character, you get to see, experience and understand it. And then you can put these links into your life and see where things aren't so bad or where they are, there is an opportunity here or why that is just part of your, part of your story. That feels like that's the whole purpose of integrating this, this experience with the reader's lives. Exactly. And Steve is a failed character. He's not only a failed character, he's a character that needs work. He's a very flawed character. And if you see what he goes through and you can see that even this person can succeed at least at some level on his own terms, maybe our own journeys don't seem quite so difficult. Oh, Barry,

7:29we're all, we're all flawed characters. We all, we want to think we've got it all together. Perfect. It was perfect in their own way. Let's put it that way. But you know, I know which way I'm perfect in, but one day, maybe I'll discover it. I think we, we need this adversity. We need these failures. I mean, I argue all the time it's podcast, there's no such thing as failure. It's just another lesson. It's, it's all about me, I'd like maybe you to unpack this from your perspective. It's all about perspective. You can see things in two different ways. There's no such thing as truth, failure, bad lesson, good. It's the same subjects in the middle. So what's the feedback being on from your readers in that kind of, in that kind of area? Well, that's exactly right. I mean, what we have to realize and what I used to teach when I was speaking all the full time and what I, what I talk about now when I was

8:31speaking partial time, part, part time is that, you know, we all experience these failures. But what we've got to do is you can't dwell on them. You get the lesson and you move on. Okay, what's the lesson here? What did I do wrong? What can I avoid doing the next time? How can I do this better? You get the lesson and move on. If you're somebody that's dealing with the same issues over and over again, which a lot of us are doing in business, you do that. You're going to be getting just a little bit better every time that issue comes up. If you get just a little bit better every time that issue comes up, pretty soon you're going to be very, very good at dealing with it. I don't care if it's a management issue, a leadership issue, a communication issue, a sales issue, a lot of cases. Get the lesson and move on. Yeah, and to that point, if the lessons keep coming up, then it's a side post that then might be something to look to. So you might be incrementally improving. You might see the lesson and be like, yes, I need to focus on this other times. If it

9:32keeps on showing up, that's a nod and the wink from the universe to say, hey, maybe there's something you need to pay attention to. Especially if it's the same issue over and over again. And in the book, the great dick and the dysfunctional demon, Steve keeps finding that happening to himself. He keeps making the same mistake over and over and over again. Hopefully, in a way that's exciting and a way that's humorous at the same time, but he keeps making the same issue over and over again. Finally, it comes to a crisis and he's got to decide who he is and who he wants to be in the future because how he acts is going to determine who he is in the future. So it's a critical point, rather than just one of the many points that we have daily in life, we've got to decide what to do. Sometimes it's absolutely life or death. Sometimes it's determined, determining who you are as opposed to who you want it to be or who you don't want to and Steve faces that and you read the book, you'll see how he gets through it and hopefully it'll

10:35have hopefully it'll have a lesson for all of us in sharing the experience rather than a lesson. This is the moral of the story. Take this with you, Reddit and Stone. Now, it's a it's a precarious experience. Enjoy. The moral of the lessons come through that. I mean, we would chat away offline before we we jumped on and a very simple framework is like 50% entertainment, 50% content. And I love that very simple framework, which is because life is hard, business is hard. There's there are so many lessons and here's what you need to do when really to break things down with humor. Humor is probably the well, scientifically, it's a release mechanism. Laughing, actually just like swearing is actually a release in the brain. There's a neurochemical that gets released when we laugh. So to release these emotions, these feelings through laughter can help us to to regulate its part of this. So tell me about your your column as well because this is this

11:36is very much within just like your book, this is to help people to use and understand humor and use it to get through the life's experiences, right? Right. The column is called the slightly off-kilter column and it's a humor column, but I deal with humor and virtually any kind of issue you can imagine might be from you might be from a brain tumor might be from illness might be from death. I've dealt all these subjects in a humorous way and it's a fun column. It's syndicated through the greatest syndicate if you'd like to force your newspaper, logo, loose paper to carry it. And people enjoy it. I enjoy writing it hits. It's if you're doing something like this, you've got to enjoy doing it while you're doing it like a lot of or it's not going to be fun for the people on the other end and business is off in that way. If you don't think it's like what you're doing, maybe you should find something else to do. I know that's very easy for for me to say, but maybe

12:39it's also something you need to think about sometimes because we all very often find ourselves doing something we really don't want to do. Sometimes it's part of the job. It has to be done it's one of the things we have to live with to get to the goals we want to reach. Sometimes we're doing things we don't want to do and the goal we may want to reach isn't so clear or it might not even be a goal we want to get in the great thing. It's functional demon. Steve is fighting like hell to reach a goal that isn't worth reaching. A goal that he ultimately realizes is virtually deadly to reach. Sometimes beautiful. Are you fighting like hell to reach a goal that's not worth reaching? I think we've all been there and if we look back at this, there's times we're like, yeah, you're right, it is easy to say, but it's hard to do, especially in the moment we have responsibilities or we're sunk cost bias. We are so deep in this that we have to keep going. There's all these reasons, excuses, justifications. So to break this down and allow people to maybe see

13:44to step back and see the reality, see what's really gone through humor is such a great way to shift these perspectives. It seems to me, you know, I don't lecture people because I don't know the answers to lecture people about what I try to do in the humor column and in the book is to take people along on a journey, a journey that I have. And part of the reason I think it's effective is because I'm so obviously flawed myself. People realize, well, you know, if this guy gets through this, you know, maybe I can get through it too. One of the benefits of being obviously flawed is people can relate to you. Absolutely. So let's talk about, let's make this real from your perspective because crumbs, there is so much we can talk about from your personal journey. But tell me about that, that shift because you said at the start of this interview that obviously you used to do so much speaking, so many keynotes, but right now you've made that shift

14:46which is hold on. What's important to me? It's it's your writing. It's that connection. It's humor. It's not about traveling from airport to airport to airport. As fun as that can be at times, it can be draining. And so you've been able to through your experience, understand, hold on what's important for me, which is almost like the sum of the episode so far. You've had the experience, see what's happening, and then what, how do I want to live? What do I want to do? So what was it like for you as you then realize, yes, this, this book, this is, this is what I want to do. What was that like for you? It was very honest, very honest experience because I was going on. I was living my life as well. My life was good. My life was very good. I was a speaker. When you're a speaker, it's a nice way to make a living. I was speaking on an Asian cruise at this particular time, and which is not a bad gig either. One time I tried to, I snuck up peak at the clock to try and figure out how much time I had left in the session. I couldn't figure out

15:49what the time and the clock went, what the hands of the clock went. And I said, that's not good. I've been having troubles working out foreign currency to hold cruise, which is unlike me. Then I went to Vietnam and a woman wanted $7 US for a baseball cap. I gave her $200 and a 10. Nice baseball cap. It wasn't that nice of baseball cap. First thing my doctor did when I went to the doctor, I had me draw a clock face 10 minutes to three. Second thing he did was take away my driver's license. Sent me down from a media MRI. Woman there wouldn't tell me the results. When I said, where's the closest restroom? She said, I'm sorry, I can't let you go in there alone. This is not something you want to hear in a hospital situation. Believe me. So bottom line turns out I had a brain tumor with the size of a soft ball. As you said, only that's what I thought the that's what I thought the neurosurgeon said. What he actually probably said was you have a brain tumor with the size of a baseball, but I'm thinking, you know, I've been staking up my whole head. And it took up a good piece of the head. So they cut it out. I woke up. I had a lady Gaga singing

16:56nonstop in my head, as you mentioned, over and over again. Same song over and over and over. And I have a vivid, fully formed horrific story like a memory of something I just watched, complete with open crypts, bizarre spells, sudden death, and the Ralph Lauren version of the Manson family. Yeah. This is a very, very weird thing. So what happened was I was very lucky. The tumor didn't encroach upon my brain. So I was able to gain the ability to think clearly, as clearly as I ever could ever, anyway, to work to write. If anything made me more focused, more empathetic, maybe a better writer. And it gave me that story, the story that became the great dick and the dysfunctional demon. And after having that experience, I realized as I told you earlier that I didn't want to spend my life in hotels and in airports. What I wanted to write that story show the implications to it, let people experience the journey that I just experienced watching, what seemed like watching the story. And I thought it was a very powerful and hopefully very

17:57effective, very funny, very entertaining book. Well, we've spoken about what the book does for other people, what its purpose is, the entertainment. And also the gift that your readers get from it. Can you just share what in writing this book, what did this do for you? When you write a book, it's almost like you're going through the experience. Number one, I'd had the experience, whenever the thing came to me, I had the experience of having it seemed like I'd watched it, putting it down in words, trying to get it just right, trying to get the humor just right, trying to get the excitement just right. It's actually like you're living through it. It's cathartic. I went through Steve's experience with him. When I was writing the climax, I had to do maybe six, seven drafts and to get it just right. But I would come out of one of those sessions, writing sessions, I'd be soaking wet because I was so involved in the book. I was going through the experience. I love the book and fortunately other people do too, but I love it because of the

19:03experience I went through writing it. Was it like therapeutic for you? Was it just, what was that? What did it do for you inside? Yeah, one of the reasons I probably wrote the book, if I'm honest with myself, was to prove to myself that there's a life after a cancer diagnosis. The book definitely did that. Also because it was a brain tumor, you know, I'm wondering, you know, is your cognition? Is your intelligence going to come back? Is it going to be what it was before you? When you good deltime on those days and writing the book was probably my challenge to see if I could do that. And I'll tell you when I first started getting good reviews, in fact, even now when I get a good review, unfortunately, there's been a lot of them. It's like affirmation. Yeah, you made it. You're back through the other side. It's been a very personal experience in a lot of ways. I think you're jogging so much here because to that validation, I think it's huge.

20:03That could be so emotional that when we all know that when we've done some work, when we're trying to prove, because we do work for other people, we do it for ourselves. There's no right or wrong good or bad. There's just reason as why we do things. But to be able to have that validation, that must have felt so, for me, I would have thought overwhelming, to it's validated, but also all there's also the external impacts. So there's multiple things happening here. There really were. I was experienced going through it as the experience, can I go through it? I've got this story. Can I turn it to something meaningful to other people? Can I tell the story in a way that people are going to find it exciting, thrilling, scary, and humorous? And that's a big challenge, even though I had the storyline there. And can I do it after having a brain tumor? It was a big challenge. And at the same time, it was a challenge that was fun to accept, because the worst case scenario, I don't have the intelligence I used to have before.

21:10Okay, I can't pull it off. I'm not going to be the writer I want to be. It's not the end of the world. There are other things to do. But being able to pull it off was extremely gratifying. At least it seems to me we got 15 authors to I had to get a blurb for the cover. So I found an author, prominent author, two prominent authors agreed to read the book and consider blurring it. Then I panicked. I said, boy, suppose they hate it. So I sent it out to another author and another author. I ended up sending out to 15 authors. And I thought if they all hate it, we're going to bother to publish this book. Fortunately, we got 15 raves for the book. It was like, it was gratifying, but it was a hell of a relief. I really didn't expect that. Hold on, Barry. So what I'm hearing here is that in the creation of this book, you actually fulfilled what the book is supposed to do, rebuild self-esteem, overcome a failure. So in the creation of the book, it gave you exactly what the essence of the book is all about for your readers.

22:15I love the relationship there. It's a beautiful ecosystem. Maybe that's why the book is working because it was so sincere writing it. It's a horror novel. It's a supernatural thriller, actually, not really a horror novel. But you wouldn't think that's a meaningful book. But there are many horror novels. If I'm the teach people lessons and going through that lesson and being able to create it as a lesson for myself, was a very, very powerful experience for me. Yes. Barry, this is crazy talking. When things are created with authenticity and alignment, things are more successful all-round. That's crazy talk, right? People would have thought it. Yeah. Who thinks that? Because so many of us are doing things with our lives, which we're arguing with. I wrote a book called, Showing the Glass, which is successful. Simply because the idea was that put yourself in alignment with what you want to do in one way or another, in the best possible way you can do it at. You're going to be more successful. It's certainly true. If you can

23:20do that, if you're working out of alignment with yourself, things are jarred, things are, you're going in one direction and you want to go in another direction, it's not going to work nearly as well. As you said earlier, if you're fighting like hell to try and get a result that is not achievable or you don't want, there is. I love the lessons here are scattered throughout this interview. I love the way we keep going full circle, which is beautiful. So, Barry, look, thank you, thank you so much for sharing the only amazing work that you do and your fantastic book. But also a little bit about the creation of it and what's done for you and for other people, it's fascinating. So thank you so much. Well, thank you so much for having me. I had a really good time. You're welcome. I hope it meant something to the people listening. Oh, absolutely. But for those people who want to know more about your book and how to get it, what's it called again? How do they get their hands on it? It's called The Great Dick and the Disfunctional Demon. They can Amazon as the best place to find it or they can find it on my website,

24:22which is www.barrybarryisba.org. Mar is ma-h-e-r. But since that's hard to remember, easiest place to find it is Amazon. The Great Dick, the Disfunctional Demon. Beautiful. Well, everyone, if you're curious, I think this sounds fantastic. Go and grab a copy and enjoy it. And again, Barry, thank you so much to your time. This has been an awful lot of fun. Great principles, great conversation. I've really enjoyed it. Thank you. Joyden myself. Thank you very much, Mark. Oh, you're so welcome. All right, everyone, that's a wrap. What a great episode. But if you're listening to this and you're thinking, actually, hey, I want my own podcast that actually does something for my business. That's exactly what we help with. So not content for the sake of content, not yet another thing that you need to do, but a system that brings you clients, referrals, partnerships, engagement impacts, and all through fun and engaging conversations. As Barry said, you've got to be aligned.

25:22Have fun. It's simple, it's efficient, and it's effective. So if you're not quite sure how a podcast was fit inside your business, or maybe you tried it before and it didn't quite work, that's usually a strategy problem, not a podcast problem. So I love to show you what that looks like when done right. If you like, let's have a chat. You can email me directly at mark at unforgetyourself.com. That's mark at unforgetyourself.com. And we'll start the conversation. And in the meantime, I'll see you on the next episode. Hey, Geri. Yeah, Mark. Wanna do an outro? I sure do. Sweet. Hey, thank you so so much for listening and making it to the end. Yay, you. So what happens next? We ask them the things that podcast were supposed to ask at the end of an episode. Can you please rate, review, download, subscribe? Yeah. But why is it important? Because that's how our podcast gets noticed. Some people find us. It is. And we want all their earballs.

26:24All the earballs, all over place. We do. Nice. Yeah. So please do all those things. We'll be ever so grateful. And then more people here, you're beautiful voice. Oh, yours. Oh, yeah. See you next time. Bye.