Awaken Hope with Sandy Evenson on Allow The Hurt and Let Go

0:00Are you tired of feeling hopeless? Or do you feel as though you carry around an invisible ball and chain? If so, you are in the right place. It's time now for a wicked hope with Candy Campbell. Candy is a therapist and grief counselor that works with women to help them process and heal from emotional events that can keep them feeling stuck. Let's take this journey together. And now here's your host, Candy Campbell. Welcome back to another edition. I have the Fabulous Sandy Evenston here with me today. And we have on a topic that tune in. You will enjoy. And it is a great topic to listen to. So welcome, Sandy. Thank you so much for being a part of the We Can Hope Show. Hello, Candy. Hey, everybody. OK. So today's topic we're going to talk about allowing yourself to hurt and letting it go. And you may be thinking, huh, allowing yourself to hurt?

1:03Well, I will emphasis with this. Sometimes when events happen in our lives, whether it's a maybe a friendship falling away, a job, you lose a job, you go through a breakup. It doesn't matter what the event is. It brings about a hurtful feeling. Our first inclination, or at least mine, is to try to keep on muscling through it, at least I used to. I would muscle through it and try to get to the other side because the truth was, you know, allowing yourself to go through this hurt of the situation, it's painful. So let's have your thoughts, Sandy. What are your thoughts on this? Well, I'm just taking back to when I first started to feel into this, allow myself to feel. And I was coming out of being very needy

2:05and sort of martyr kind of thing. For many years, you know, and just feeling needy. And then, you know, fast forward to some really tough times. And I remember kind of breaking down and just sort of howling, like, yeah, you know, kind of crashing down on my knees. So I just, this is so hard. And it was so cathartic. I say, you know, I cry easily. So I've cried most of my life, wasn't that? It was literally letting all this pent up energy come through. And, you know, what I learned about it, and especially in training I've had, was about allowing yourself to feel, to be able to feel, because we have this tendency to push things down. And, you know, want to keep going. And, you know, if we said many times when you tried to do that, eventually it's going to come out somewhere, whether it's a problem with your body or your emotional outbursts.

3:06So, yeah, it comes out. Allowing that, allowing that burst. And so what comes up most of the time is you'll have this hidden anger. And you'll be feeling sad. And you'll probably say, I'm disappointed. I'm so disappointed. That really is a nice way to say that there's anger there, because it's not fair. It does not feel fair at all. So you've got whether, you know, I don't care what kind of pain you're having, as it can actually be physical pain over something. And it can be, like you said, losing relationships or jobs or any kind of thing. There's an unfairness there. My point I'm trying to get to is to be able to express the feeling, to sit with it, cry if you need to, to journal it, to write it out, to really talk. You know, I'm always going to tell you to do some tapping and look at it.

4:08What is the emotion that's there? I start with, you know, I feel, feeling the blank. I feel so sad. I am so, I'm so disappointed that an anger is attached to abandonment. Yeah, when we, oftentimes when we don't want to feel something, you know, it's like if you acknowledge it and you allow yourself to hurt, oftentimes it's a subconscious belief that we're, we're being abandoned or we're being forgotten, or we're being, we're not enough, or we're not, you fill in the blank. But the truth is you have to allow yourself to, and this is something I've gone through recently. And my instinct and my inclination is to overanalyze it and try to break it down and figure out, well, what did I do? What happened here? Did I not do something? And the truth is sometimes more often than not, it has nothing to do with us.

5:09It all has everything to do with the person or the situation or whatever brought about the hurt. You know, if you, if you found yourself in a breakup, a relationship breaking up and the breakup wasn't of your, and then oftentimes it has more to do. Yes, it takes two to tango in a relationship, but if someone's breaking up with you, once you feel that hurt, you know, our fear is, oh, we're gonna be, I wasn't enough for that relationship. I wasn't enough for that person. I wasn't whatever you're telling yourself, it really has nothing to do with us. I know that's easier said than done, because when you're in the throes of it, you don't feel it. You feel like, oh, why is this happening to me? You know, I was reminded that oftentimes when things occur, when situations show up, choose to look at it is what do I need to see for me going forward? What is it that, you know, the situation

6:11or this event is showing me as a mirror? Is there some form of abandonment that I'm afraid of? Is there some form of not being enough for, you know, the person or the event or the job or the situation relationship? If we can choose to see it from that perspective, it still hurts, it still sucks, but we will be able to begin the healing process moving past it, because you can begin to heal the part of you is afraid or is feeling whatever they're not feeling. For me, my three-year-old kicked in high gear with my situation, and I realized it was, there was a sense of a fear of abandonment that came up that I hadn't truly processed. And, you know, I was like, God, what is this? What do I need to see, a visual of my three-year-old little self being left behind?

7:13I was like, wow. Okay, so this situation was mirroring the emotion that was needing to be processed. Exactly. But it was coming up in an event today. You know, I was like, ah, okay. So we're going to take a short break, we'll be back, and we're going to continue this conversation, because it is very applicable. And, like I said, if you don't, in my sandy side, if you don't feel it, it will come out sideways. Imagine crossing two oceans and discovering not just a destination, but a home. That's what I found at El Tosoro, a family run farm to table retreat at the crossroads of Tuscany, Lazio, and Umbria. OSREDA and Massimo welcomes me just like family. I harvested olives, savored fresh, pressed, extra virgin olive oil, and took a cooking class in their restaurant kitchen. I'm still making that eggplant recipe back at home.

8:16Beyond the food, Rita guided us through Italy's rich history, intricate flower mosaics crafted by local artists, a wine tasting overlooking, the lush green hills of Umbria, and a meal in Chavita di Bani Reggio, an ancient village we had to cross a footbridge to get to. El Tosoro isn't just a place to stay, it's a place to gather, celebrate, and reconnect. Whether you're seeking a peaceful yoga retreat, a dream wedding, or a meaningful family reunion, El Tosoro makes every moment magical. If you're dreaming of an authentic Italian escape, then you need to follow at El Tosoro underscore Italy on Instagram. That's I-L-T-E-S-O-R-O underscore Italy. Come home to El Tosoro. Welcome back. Again, before the break, Sandy and I were talking about, there's a recent situation in my life where I've experienced this,

9:19and what came about when I was carrying out to God, to go, okay, what is this that I need to see? And the visual that came to my sight was the real version of me being left behind. So that fear of abandonment was pivotal in my mind. When you can recognize something like that, again, it doesn't make it any easier, but you can understand why you feel the way you do. And when you do it afraid, you move through it afraid, whether you're afraid of facing whatever you need to face, or you're afraid of acknowledging that, okay, so this person is rejecting me, where who knows what reason? But it doesn't mean, and oftentimes, again, it has more to do with them and nothing to do with us. When we can get to the root cause of why we're feeling what we feel, then we can process it,

10:21and then we can begin to move past it. If it's a situation that, like, for example, a relationship where maybe you're a significant other, or you got you're married, and you just got served with divorce papers, or whatever the case is, you find yourself on the receiving end of your relationship going south, and you wanna hold onto it, because subconsciously, you believe that if you hold onto this event, the relationship will come back together. I, you know, yeah, you may be thinking, well, that's not logical thinking. Well, no, but when your emotional logic goes out the door, logic does not exist when you are emotional. See sometimes when people react to certain situations, like a relationship flowing apart, and if they're on the receiving end of getting hit with, I don't want to be with you anymore, or I wanna divorce, or we're no longer friends,

11:22plain and simple, it hurts, and you have to give yourself that permission and that compassion to feel the hurt. Yeah, so I think there's an important piece where we can get stuck in a story, you know, kind of analyzing and ruminating, the scene in your head, and it'll go over and over again, and you'll have that dialogue going on, and oh, I could have said this, I should have done that, blah, blah, blah. Why did you say that? You know, all those things. So if you look at that and try not to get stuck in that, and ask yourself, what am I making this mean? As we do that, we make meaning. So, you know, what am I making this mean? And you wanna try to, you know, keep it simple, you know, at the heart of your pain, you know, and notice if you are belaming yourself or others, that's actually avoidance, you know,

12:22pointing your finger, so, you know, just understand that you absolutely need to accept that there is pain. It's kind of like a physical pain, and you have something simple like stepping your toe all the way to, you know, a worse injury. You have to work with that pain, you know, it's not, you know, you have to work with it. So with something in your life that happens where you're feeling this intensity, allowing yourself to feel it, find the meaning in it, and again, write it down in a journal, or give yourself a voice message and start talking about it that way, and bring it out, say it out loud, you know, this hurts, this hurts, this hurts, and just allow yourself to say that. And again, I always will stipulate if you can add some very simple tapping to it, like on one point, and just tap and say things out loud.

13:22This really sucks, this hurts, I feel this, I feel that. You will feel a shift in your body as you start to bring this out. And as you do that, you can then bring in, okay, I'm just gonna honor how I feel. You don't have to fix it, you just have to voice it, either in writing or like with your voice, and then honor it. And what I do is I just say, I'm just gonna honor how I feel. I have been through so much. Of course this would hurt. Of course I'd be upset, of course I'd be afraid. And then I am open to letting this go. I'm open to finding some way to heal. You don't have to say I'm ready because you might not be yet. But if you can just say, I'm willing to find ways to stepping through this and what will happen is the door to healing will open, which will bring you to the door to happiness. It's how it works through. You know, if I don't want that, what do I want?

14:25I know that when you make the choice to let go of the pain, whatever the pain is, you are actually doing a great service. It's letting go is a form of self respect. Holding on to something because we think that it will get better, it will improve, they'll come back, they'll, you know, whatever the story is, we tell ourselves. Holding on to it, we do a great disservice to ourselves, but being able to acknowledge that is painful as it is, letting go of it, I'm respecting myself should be able to lay it down. And like Sandy said, you don't have to be, you don't have to be ready to part ways. You can just say I'm open and then find a new way to let go of it. When we hold on to stuff, whether it's anger, resentment, frustration, it is kind of, again, you've heard me say that

15:26and it goes with the sun for goodness, but when we hold on to negative emotion like that, it's like we're drinking the poison, hoping, hoping the person that hurt us will die. It doesn't work that way. Exactly, we just, we hurt ourselves. Yeah, so also understand that emotions, they're not good or bad, they are emotions and there's a whole plethora of emotions from really wonderful good feelings to horrible negative ones. If we can just let ourselves flow through that, I mean, this is certainly a way of grieving when you're in pain like that, you're grieving. What you wish could be, so allow yourself to do that and then see, okay, how long do I want to wallow in my own self-pity because this kind of where it goes, it just let yourself do it, let yourself get it out and then see what else you can bring in

16:26that brings you perspective. How can you get a better perspective situation? As we tend to kind of like be in this little, almost like in a box or a little corner and we don't see any further out than what we're this heavy, heavy, heavy pain that we're working through. Right, and also know this that sometimes, when people are removed or situations or doors are closed, it is for our greater good and you may not see it at that moment and you think, well, this really sucks, why is this happening to me? Again, that's the victim mode, but if you have that, if you are finding yourself going there, just change your words, just to get to what is this happening, why is this happening for me? What am I just learn from this? But know that, okay, you're allowed to grieve, you're allowed to feel emotion, you're not meant to just have an event happen and then you put on a happy smile

17:27and you say everything's fine when inside your crumbling because all you're doing is stuffing that. And trust me, this is coming from the queen of stuff. Yes, I call myself that, the queen of stuff because I was very good at that for four or two many years. And it doesn't, it doesn't too many good. It like, like Sandy said, it comes out sideways. If you and when you don't process it and you don't let it go and you don't allow yourself to feel whatever's coming up, it will come out sideways and in and in ways you don't want it to appear. Just know, we're going to take a short break, we'll be right back and then we'll continue with the story. Are you dealing with grief and loss? Would you love to have comfort and support from a loving friend? So many of us feel we'll never be happy again when a loved one dies, but you can. And I'm here to help. I'm Emily Therothrad, host of the grief and happiness

18:27podcast and author of loving and living your way through grief and the grief and happiness handbook. Join me on Zoom for free gatherings every week where we get to know each other, write together and learn happiness practices. Sign up for our newsletter online and you can have access to our resources. Go to grief and happiness.com. I look forward to supporting you along the way of your grief journey. Aloha. Welcome back again. Andy and I were talking about allowing yourself to hurt and letting it go. Now, it does not matter what you're experiencing. If you're feeling, and this is one of those things that has come up recently, our country, our world has become so divided. And every time, and I am one that half the time I don't know what's happening in the news

19:28because I choose not to. I choose not to watch the news and go down that rabbit hole. I mean, I'll watch try to get the weather in the morning or see what the traffic's doing if I've got to be out in it. Once news starts really coming on, I turn the channel to something else or I turn off the TV. I don't want to be sucked into that, into what is the negative news and everything that's around us that's pulling at our attention. But if you will use the current example of things in our country today, if you are hurting and you are feeling that pain, allow yourself to feel that pain. Don't, you know, if you're angry, it's okay to be angry. Now, take that anger and process it. Don't take the anger and view it out at people, right? You know, take your anger of whatever you're feeling and allow that anger to go through you.

20:29You're feeling it for a purpose. We're not robots, we're humans. We feel things. We feel things every day. Things pop up around us and it impacts us. We, you know, some of you may have lost jobs recently and you're thinking, find a new job. Yes, you will find a new job, but you still have to process the back that you lost the one you had. And maybe it was a job that you worked out for. So feel that anger, feel that emotion that's coming up. Give yourself the courage, allow that emotion, whatever emotion it is to come to the surface, be your new best friend. And yes, it is not comfortable, but when you can sit with it and you can allow it to have a space at the table and you can, you can talk to it. You can say, you know what? I am angry as long, get out. Why did this happen? What an event in a safe space.

21:29What's your feeling? Exactly. You know, I think that there's a, there's a whole list of things you can do. We've talked about many of them. And just to let go of that emotional pain is to, you know, practice self-compassion, and really acknowledge and allow your feelings without judgment, like, you know, and engage in activities that allow your feelings to come through. So as we've said, journaling, exercise is, I've found that exercise was so great for my mental health. You know, it was so good for my body, but now, let me tell you, you can really, really help yourself there to process the emotions. And then, you know, you can always seek support from trusted friends or family or actually mental health professionals come to the therapist like we are. And embrace mindfulness to stay present.

22:31Like, really try to, like, do dishes mindfully. Eat your lunch mindfully. Like, really, I'm gonna, I'm gonna chew every but, right? There are things that you can kind of distract yourself for a minute. It's not practicing, you know, all positive thoughts and trying to stay cheery. It's just, you know, sweep the floor and clean windows, do different things that are sort of mindless, but they can be very mindful. You can literally meditate and have things will pop up. And if you're, if you're anything like me, you may start scrubbing something really hard. Like, I'm gonna get these countertops clean. And what happens is there's this bit of anger or whatever is coming out. And you look back and go, wow, that looks really good. So you feel better and it can really, you know, so just take proactive steps, you know, set some healthy boundaries, you know, focus on your own personal growth, go within. Go for a run, you can go out and sometimes, you know,

23:34if it, you may say, I don't run. Well, no, I'm not much of a runner these days as much as I used to. I used to run a lot more. But when I'm really frustrated, when I was before I would go out and I'd just go around the block really hard, run, just to get it out. You can run onto treadmill. You can scream into a pillow. Doesn't matter. Don't do it around kids and dogs or animals, you know, they tend to react. But get out that emotion. Feel what is coming up. I know that if it's coming up for you, it's time it's saying it needs to be released. When you can make the conscious decision and it is a conscious decision to let it go, you may have to say, I choose to forgive so and so and so and so and so and so for what they did. Or and again, remember this, forgiveness isn't about them. It's not condoning what they did. It's not condoning their actions. It's for you.

24:36People get forgiveness backwards. They think, oh, if I'm forgiving them, then I'm condoning up their actions. And that is the part of this thing from the truth. You are not forgiving somebody for them. You are forgiving them for you. Yeah, you can say, man, I'm letting them off the hook. I don't want to do that. Well, you're just punishing yourself. It's really that intense. And I want to go back to that movement because moving your body, you know, really, you know, get into some physical activity, you know, like you said, running, walking, yoga, dancing, as you will release endorphins, right? And reduce that stress to help your nervous system reset. And, you know, that goes along with creating healthy lifestyles and letting yourself get the sleep that you need, and eating better, self-care rituals. One of the things you can do to get a better sleep too, to let go of all this stuff that's in you that's spinning in your mind, as you lay there, it's part of heart math, Candy,

25:39where you just take your hands and you sort of hover them over the chest area, over your heart, and you bring up a sense of appreciation. And you think of the things in your life, the people, in your life that you're grateful for, and just bring that in and breathe. It's that easy. You're just focusing on gratitude and growth, you know, just acknowledging all of that. And you said, practice forgiveness in any way that you can, and let go of unrealistic expectations. Let go of your, sometimes we have to let go of our beliefs. And you may be thinking, how do I let go of my beliefs? My beliefs are my beliefs. Well, you know, not every thought needs to be entertained. I learned not in a mastermind that was in one time, and you know, the instructor was talking about is like, not every thought that you have that goes through your mind. And we have an average of what, I think at 65,000 at anyone given moment,

26:40processing through our head, it's like, holy mackerel. But not every one of those thoughts warrants our attention. We pick and choose what we give our thoughts to. We can just let a not so positive thought float on by and just go, okay, you know, I, when I do my meditation, I sit there and I meditate and I visualize being in my brain, in my head, in my, in my head, and turning off a volume, like a button, I see a button in the corner of my head, and I turn the volume off, I turn the button off, so I don't, and I don't hear the chatter that's going on, because Lord knows I can go down rabbit holes in a heartbeat. If I pay attention to every one of those thoughts, I wouldn't, I don't know where I'd be, but I wouldn't be here. Sometimes when I'm in that mode, I'm like, oh, man, and I have to distract myself. And so I'll take my dog and we'll go for a walk

27:40or I'll just pet my dog or read a book or do something that kind of helps or, well, my big thing these days is breathing, breathing into the moment, coming into the present moment, because the past is the past, we can't change it. If we could change it, we'd all be millionaires times over. But that's not the case. And the future is uncertain yet. But what you do now, what you do in this present moment is going to give you your future. Don't borrow the energy from an event that has not occurred. We don't have that ability to dictate or to assume a certain event's going to occur a certain way. Be pleasantly, pleasantly surprised that sometimes God in the universe give you something completely opposite of what you're thinking something should show up or how something should show up. We're going to take a short break, we'll be back, and then we'll continue. Are you a man or woman suffering from ED or sexual dysfunction? If so, you're not alone. Did you know that there are nearly 50 million men

28:43and almost as many women affected by it and many of you are suffering in silence or maybe treating the symptoms instead of a long-term cure? That's where RegenMax comes in, powered by sexual wellness centers of America. RegenMax addresses the underlying causes with each individual patient using unique, non-surgical comprehensive therapies. In fact, RegenMax is the only padded cure for ED. So if you're tired of the temporary band-aids, a little blue pills, pellets, or potions, contact RegenMax today. With their team of leading MDs and PhDs in cities across America, there's probably a clinic in a city near you. RegenMax is all about improving sexual wellness in both male and female adults of all ages. Go to RegenMax.com today. RegenMax.com. And welcome back. Again, before the break, Cindy and I were talking about different ways that you can get rid of and process a motion that's coming up.

29:43I mean, you cut it, mate. We live in a very tricky world these days. Things are happening around us. And now, again, I say I don't, I don't really listen to the news a lot. I'm not, I don't bury my head, but I also choose, I pick and choose what I, what I allow in, you know, and even with social media, yes, I say, follow us on social media. I'm on there to see, you know, what's being posted and stuff, but I'm not on there a lot. So, be diligent about what you allow into your realm. If you are allowing something that is taking you down a rabbit hole, be aware. If you are allowing something that is inciting is incendiary and is inciting you to be upset, be aware. Pay attention, because when you hold on to something, it keeps it stuck in you. We all have choices.

30:43We can choose to hold on to stuff that doesn't serve us. Blame people. Look at situations ago. Well, it's your fault or your situation or you're the responsible one or they're the ones responsible. And all that does is pass the buck. And I am going to say this because this is something really seen recently, especially around here in Hawaii. People are always wanting to cast blame. It's someone else's fault for this, this and this. And I'm like, how did we get you? It's like, take some personal responsibility. Look at what you can do or what you can't do. If you can't do anything, you can't do anything. You do what you can. You respond a certain way. But take it as allow yourself to have that space and that ability to say, I am 100% responsible for what's happening in my life.

31:43And I am choosing to allow myself to feel. Do let go of this hurt. Allow myself to hurt. And let go of that. Because when we can do that, then we can begin the healing journey. If we hold on to the hurt, we hold on to everything that is causing hurt. Casting blame on it's so and so it. And I'm not saying people aren't responsible. There's a lot out there not taking your personal responsibility for your part in any situation. Hold you on a hook. And you don't want that. You really don't. I mean, I was, I don't know, I was talking to somebody. And I had to walk away from this cover and say, I had to excuse myself because this person was just constantly blaming. It was so and so thought for why this certain event was happening. And if they hadn't done this and I was like, I was, it felt surreal because I was like, I'm not comfortable in this conversation.

32:45I mean, I didn't come out and say that. But I was like, you know, I found a way to excuse myself in the conversation. But I was like, this individual was just blaming everybody. And their brother for why things were going south in their life. And I was like, and what's your part? I did say that. I'm like, what's your part? Well, it's their, well, their fault. And I was like, okay, that's problem number one. But you know, I didn't say that's problem number one. But I was like, I was thinking that's problem number one. Because you have your part. Doesn't mean that you can control the person or the situation or the event. It was very convoluted. You have your part. So we have to, we have to begin with us. Change begins with us. We don't like what we're seeing. And we don't, you know, we've got stuff that's occurring in our lives. Then look at what are you thinking about? What are you holding on to? What haven't you allowed yourself to feel or grieve or let go of? Right.

33:45Feel the pain. Feel the emotion. Allow it to be expressed, honor it. And take just small steps. It's not going to be overnight. And allow yourself to feel whatever disappointment, whatever anger, all this stuff. And I have learned in the coaching processes that some of us will start with anger. Have all this anger or subset. As you begin to clear that, you really work it out. You might have to pound a pillow, beat a bed, all that stuff. Do a lot of running. When that starts to move out, the sadness comes through. You might have that angry cry, first of all. And a lot of people are more like I was. I still get this way. As the sadness comes first. And as a big end to work on that, that anger shows up. And then I have to give myself permission to express it and to honor that part too. So wherever your emotions are, whether it's extreme sadness, extreme anger, disappointment,

34:48feel the hurt, look for the door to healing and happiness. One step at a time. And remember, it is one step at a time. It's one day at a time, and it is, if you desire to live your best life, and it doesn't mean that life isn't going to spare you from some challenges. We all want life to be linear, and it is not unfortunately. It's full of speed bumps, it's full of burns. And you know, it's full of things that you just kind of look at and go, why? It just is life. This is the way life has been created. When you begin to heal, when you become stronger in your transformation and transformational journey, when life throws you lemons, you can take those lemons and make lemonade. You can, when it throws you a curveball, you can pull yourself up and keep on walking. It may be itty bitty stepped, but you can keep on walking and you will be stronger for it.

35:51And when you know, you're not going to get knocked down for as long, you will be knocked down because it's just the way life is. But you're not going to be knocked down for long. When you're going to pull yourself up and you're going to keep on going, you're going to be a whole, a more whole individual. But you have to give yourself that permission and the compassion to allow yourself to feel the hurt and then choose. That is the optimal word. Choose. Yeah. You should let it go. You can't hold on to stuff from the past. You can't hold on to it. I don't recommend you do it because it's like, it's kind of like carrying, as my guest told me, it's kind of like carrying a bag of rocks on your back. You know, every event you add the new rock to your bag. Well, this bag is pretty full of rocks and they're heavy and you've got them on your back and you're carrying them and they're hunting you over because they're very heavy. You have to make a choice.

36:51When do you decide to put the rocks down? The whole bag of rocks down and walk away. Or do you continue to throw those rocks more and more until you can't carry them? Because eventually the rocks will get too heavy and you won't be able to carry it. It'll cause you to collapse. Yeah. So make it a wiser choice to walk away from the rocks. We can't change what's done. Stay in the moment. Look at the situation from the present moment, whatever situation you're facing, whether it's stuff in the world or it's a personal situation. Look at it from this situation and choose to ask, what is it that I need to see from this or understand about it? Maybe it's something you need to heal from the past and inner child challenge. Like mine is fear of abandonment from a situation I was facing. Well, maybe it's, you know, you've got some old baggage that an old anger that you truly haven't let go of.

37:52And you need to lay that down and say, okay, I thought I'd forgiven, but the truth was I really hadn't. Or maybe it is just the fact that you're scared out of your wits, you're afraid of change. But I do know this and Sandy can both attest to it, the only constant in this world. Nothing else is guaranteed, but you are guaranteed that things will change. We cannot control change, we cannot control our world, we cannot control. We have very limited control of our situational situations, because they involve other people. If they didn't involve other people, we could control everything. But when you're engaged with other people or individuals or situations, you have very limited ability to control, except you. Yeah, it's a call for personal development. We're really looking at how you can grow from whatever the situation is.

38:53And I'm just being reminded of a quote I've received many years ago, from a motivational speaker at a hair show of all things, we used to get a lot of that kind of work. But gentlemen said, remember that when you are green, you grow, when you're ripe, you rot. Allow yourself to grow, be green and look for growth. But yeah, it can hurt. But staying in the same place means you are literally going to rot in your misery. So allow it to happen, acknowledge it, but look for your story and give yourself compassion about it. And the truth is, you know, we only hot, we can change it any time. And it's never too late, you're never too old. The only time it's going to be too late is on your deathbed. Because at that point, you're going to move on. And you know, you don't want to reach the end of your life.

39:53However long that is and have a life filled with regrets. You didn't allow yourself to let go of stuff. And you didn't allow yourself to become the best version of you, whoever that is. There's no guideline when it comes to who you're supposed to be and why you're supposed to be the way you are. I mean, only I would say only cotton, sourcing yours. Allow yourself to be okay, where you are. And know this. If you are feeling whatever emotion, it's coming to the reason, it's coming to the surface for a reason. Yeah, it's a message. All our emotions are messages. I would invite all of our listeners to imagine how you would like to feel. Imagine yourself without the pain. Imagine yourself feeling good about yourself and good about your life.

40:54And bring that feeling. Whatever that feeling is to you. Joy, accomplishment, fulfillment, you know, harmony, etc. Bring that in now. In the present moment, bring it in as often as you can. Let the waves of pain come through. I'll try to keep them stuff down. And the more you focus on the positive side, who you really want to be, the faster you will be, you get what you expect. Just be aware what you think about comes to fruition. So if you don't, and it doesn't mean that, you know, go, oh, I had a negative thought. And it's going to come through fruition. It's not instantaneous. But if you entertain those thoughts time and time and again, you will, they will show up. It doesn't mean you have one negative thought. And all of a sudden, that's going to appear. Just be aware of that. Because usually if it's a negative thought, that's something in your subconscious is trying to come. It's coming to the surface.

41:54And so it's like, don't, don't continue to entertain those thoughts. Recognize them and go up. Nope. Replace it. Replace it with a thought that's going to benefit you. But know this, that you can reach out to us. You have Sandy's, you can connect to Sandy. You can connect with me. You can send me a message to the network. And we are here. Send us your feedback on what you would like to, for us to share with you. We want to make this show, we want to tell you the show to benefit you and help you in ways that are going to benefit you. So, let us know. And continue to tune in. Sandy, in the last minute words before we conclude our conversation. Well, you said it eloquently. Everybody, give yourself permission to let go and embrace a little courage. Perfect. Because the truth is, you got to have courage.

42:54And you got to keep walking. Do it afraid. Whatever you're faced with, do it afraid. Because that's what's going to make you grow and challenge you. We don't grow in comfort. We grow in discomfort. As much as we don't like that thought, it is true. All right, ladies and gentlemen, share this episode. Because you never know who might need it. And we continue to bring you amazing episodes. Take care. We'll talk to you soon. For listening to Awakened Hope with Candy Campbell. If you find yourself struggling, just know there is help. Please take the first step in contact Candy. To learn more, go to CandyCample.net. If you like our show, please tell your friends and family to listen. Join us again next time for Awakened Hope with Candy Campbell.