Aggressively Yanking On a 16th Century Penis

Episode Summary

Friday’s show is a nice greasy little sampler platter of schizo Sandra Bullock paranoia, Lord Douche mug drama, Mead being painfully based, tranny weight-gain fever, lasagna hate music, creepy toe commentary, racist florist filth, stale Subway bread violence, and an Italian statue penis that just wanted to be left alone.

• Stacey Kennison returns with another deranged update from the Sandra Bullock witchcraft files, now involving the University of Wisconsin, being burned alive, and ovary sabotage straight from hell.
• Great Big Pete and Stabs send a replacement-style mug and Canadian candy for Lord Douche, who remains impossible to please and somehow still hasn’t opened his iPad.
• Tim falls down a weird rabbit hole involving Andrea, trans poly feeder drama, and a Truly episode that somehow keeps getting worse in fascinating ways.
• A man records a song about how much he absolutely hates lasagna, and it instantly earns Linda Finkel Hall of Fame consideration.

• The show opens with Sandra Bullock Is an Evil Witch, featuring Stacey Kennison accusing Sandy of rape plots, devil babies, protective-covering theft, and witchcraft crimes while casually recommending hummus and balsamic glaze.
• That whole segment somehow manages to combine demonic ovary destruction, German identity grievances, and sandwich advice into one cursed little package.

• Lord Douche receives a sturdy glass mug from listeners, but the sacred mug quest is far from over because apparently shape, size, color, and spiritual alignment all matter.
• Canadian candy becomes a point of fascination, with Tim marveling that a country one sneeze away from the U.S. still has completely different Smarties and superior junk food.
• Mead Skelton fires off an email defending his use of the word based, proving once again that no one overuses internet slang more tragically than a middle-aged creep trying to sound young.

• Andrea, a recurring trans internet oddball, turns out to have appeared on reality TV in a relationship involving feeding, fetish weight gain, polyamory, and enough emotional instability to power a small city.
• The segment goes from “that really gave me tranny baby fever” to a full breakdown of supersized love, feeder dynamics, and boyfriend procurement with disturbing speed.
• Russell Brand pops up too, awkwardly admitting he slept with a 16-year-old when he was 30 and trying to soften it with born-again self-help-book energy.

• Ohio florist meltdown: A Columbus flower shop owner goes berserk on an Uber driver over a returned bouquet, screaming abuse and eventually dropping racist garbage on camera. Yelp had a field day.
• Florida Subway assault: A man gets arrested after allegedly slapping a Subway employee over stale bread, which is a little like attacking the ocean for being wet.
• Italian statue molestation: A tourist in Florence damages the 16th-century Fountain of Neptune during a bachelorette challenge that reportedly involved trying to touch the statue’s little marble dick.

• A deeply committed singer performs I Hate Lasagna with such sincere venom that Tim nearly tears up and immediately starts free-styling his own anti-lasagna remix.
• A random street interaction turns ugly when a man compliments a woman’s toes and sparks a weird little public argument about safety, creepiness, and who exactly is being a Karen.
• The toe segment only gets stranger once it becomes clear the toes are barely even visible, which somehow makes the whole drive-by foot admiration even more pathetic.