A Sober September Recalibration

0:00Welcome to the Alcohol Free Life podcast brought to you by TheSoverClub.com. I'm Janie Lee Grace, this is for you if you've quit the booze or you'd like to. Or maybe you're just so but curious. I'll bring you tips and motivation without any judgment and there'll be inspiration from experts, quitlet authors and sober heroes. Hi and welcome to the podcast. I hope you've had a good week, I had a couple of radio shows, which was great fun. I have Cross-Bank Holiday and just good to get back on the air waves doing the thing that I really love. Actually it was great because I got to chat to Louise Marwood, of course, was a guest on the podcast a while ago. Actor now has her app sober in the city. So that was really good, bringing that stuff onto mainstream radio is always great. This is your last shout for next Thursday's live event and connection they do say is the

1:01opposite of addiction and it just makes so much difference when you get to being a room with like-minded people, you get to connect and it's just something really special about it. So it is our sober club seventh birthday but you don't have to be a sober club member, you don't have to be sober, you're just welcome to come along. If you're sober curious, you'll just love it because we've got William Porter, the legendary William Porter is literally his book as alcohol explains has changed so many lives really has. And I love working with William, he's done lots of stuff for us in the sober club. He's always a great guest so William is going to be my main guest but there's also lots of the coaches that I've trained are going to be there, some sober club members, I'm sure there'll be people I've never met before. Hopefully you will come too. We're calling it seven ways to well being celebrating seven years of the sober club and we'll have smashing well-being goody bags too. So I mean it's going to be worth it for that alone really. Oh and of course we're going to be raising the glass of naughty alcohol free. It is the most sensational alcohol free sparkling

2:07fizz. So all of that it starts at 6pm 6 to late on Thursday the 10th of September. Go grab your tickets. If you go to the show notes for this podcast you'll see the link or you can go to the soberclub.com forward slash events and click on the link there. It's at Hello Love in Bloomsbury. We're raising funds for the Hello Beautiful Non-toxic Charity. So I really hope you'll come and be part of that event. We'd be so great to meet you. Also the day before that it's the announcement of my platinum awards for natural products and services. So I'm going to be a kind of a double celebration as well. No doubt be cheering on some of the brands that have been part of that. And don't forget by the way I know I'm sharing a lot of stuff at once but with my imperfectly natural.com hat on. In other words the stuff that I do around natural products. We've always got great competitions and at the moment there's a competition to win tickets to the health hub which is

3:09in London at the College of National Pathetic Medicine on Tuesday. Some fantastic speakers. I was a speaker on the last one. They're amazing days. So go over to imperfectlynatural.com and just go to competitions and enter and see if you get charged to it. I think we've got at least another we're probably drawing that competition this weekend. So get in quick if you're listening to this on the Friday that it goes live. So yeah there's lots of stuff going on at the moment. Just to head up as well if you are someone who's quit the booze and now you'd love a new purpose then think about the accredited sober club coach training. We've got a webinar, a free webinar on September the 17th. Thursday September the 17th. We'll be sharing the lowdown on what it is, what it isn't. Chatting about in post-acid syndrome as well. I spoke a little bit about that on the last webinar that I did and it's it is amazing isn't it? How many of us are? We still have that inner critic

4:10boys and I don't know if you ever completely get rid of it but there is definitely something that happens to you once you quit alcohol and you're able to kind of realise, hold on I can actually make a difference. I can actually impact someone else's life and when you start to feel that way it can be really magical to come and do this training and get over that in post-acid syndrome. Get over that fear and literally get yourself out there supporting gray area drinkers to get free from the alcohol trap. If fear and in post-acid syndrome is a thing for you I'm also doing a presenter training in a couple of weeks time. Drop me a message if that's something that you're interested in but basically those couple of dates are the ones I really want you to know. 10th September next Thursday is William Porter and Seven Ways to Wellbeing in London, Grappie Tuckits for that one and by the way we will absolutely make you feel welcome. You're

5:10very welcome to come on your own. It's small it's very supportive. You'll feel okay I promise you even if you're on your own and then the following week Thursday 17th September it's the free Explorer career as a sober coach webinar. So again you'll find both of those if you go to the soberclub.com forward slash events. So before I play you this little clip with Damien that was recorded for my radio show I just wanted to chat to you a bit about the whole September reset thing because we're just hitting to September of course and there's something a bit interesting about this time of year. I don't know if I'm the only one that feels it but it's a little bit like a new start and not quite like January which of course has all that new year new you sort of pressure. It's just this feeling that there is something new that we need to put something new in place and obviously the holidays are winding down and the diaries filling up if you've got kids you know they're

6:15back at school and what you need to be back in work mode there's all of these things going on and it's that sort of sense of right I need to get myself together okay but what I want to share with you just a few tips some a few things I've been thinking about when I see how much pressure everyone puts on themselves you know I don't think you need to be fixed I don't think you need a reinvention you know which is sometimes people they kind of wake up on day three of September and they're like oh you know I need to have a whole fresh start I must start meditating at 5am and I'll run 10k before breakfast and I must have celery juice and everything is going to be organised and I mean it's that issue you know fantastic go for it but but most people are they kind of have this sense or I must do better but instead of that why don't we think of it as a September recalibration so not oh what is wrong with my life all the things are wrong but how about looking

7:17at what is working what's not working and what do I want more of because you know if you're sober if you're so curious if you've you've already done one of the biggest pieces of personal development that there is you questioning or you have questioned that behaviour that was not serving you so you've already challenged something that you've been told was completely normal and you must have started by you know checking in with yourself and asking some difficult questions and that really takes courage so once you've created that space by drinking less or hopefully not at all that's when the real work starts because as we know sobriety is is not just what you're not doing it's about what you are free to do now now that you've quit alcohol so I thought I'd just give you a few pointers few things that I've been thinking about the first thing is don't have a September reset instead think of it as a September audit right literally let's do a lie for it so get your notes zap out or your bit of paper and I want you to divide it into four sections so we're going to have

8:22more less keep let's go and that's it that's it so it's not 27 categories you've got to think of about it's just four so let's start with more and you can ask yourself what is it that I want more of over the next three months yeah and you know typically we when asked a question like that we we just start scribbling oh more success more money but think a little bit deeper than those obvious things and ask yourself is it that actually I want more connection or more confidence or more creativity more time outside more meaningful conversations maybe more opportunities because the goal isn't just to fill the calendar alter raise the bank balance it is literally to improve the quality of your life so then move on to less so what do you want less of and this can be quite revealing we don't often ask ourselves this question but it might be that you say I want less

9:26doom scrolling I want less comparing myself with others less complaining less gossip less people pleasing God that's a big one less saying yes well actually I mean no don't forget that lovely sit that lovely saying no is a complete sentence less time with people who drain me you make me feel depleted less pretending that I'm okay when I'm actually not and definitely less thinking about alcohol because you know being sober is not about just about not drinking it's about you know focusing on what is better on life being better without so do this piece because it's good to actually acknowledge what it is you no longer need we're so conditioned to kind of look for what it is that's you know completely going wrong in our life so the next one is keep so it's this is the what is already working and maybe you've acknowledged that you've already

10:32got a great morning routine you've got some great friends you're you've quit alcohol and you're feeling a lot better you're sleeping better maybe you've discovered you love your evenings maybe you love your job or your work maybe you've thought about becoming a sober coach and you know you excited about about a new purpose maybe you've finally started putting yourself first that's the big one so if that's the case ask yourself what am I going to keep you don't have to constantly move go go post you can literally you know give yourself credit for what you've for what you have for you have put in place and then the last one is let go so what are you carrying that you do not need anymore we can literally let go of old versions of ourselves we can let go of beliefs that no longer serve us habits a grudge you've been carrying we can let go of an identity you know the idea that you're oh I'm boring now because I don't drink all those kind of nonsense things we

11:35can say to ourselves be willing to step into a new identity we can let go of the idea that you need alcohol to to socialize we can let go of the idea that people who drink alcohol are having more fun than we are so what is it that you want to let go of sometimes it's all about having the confidence to remove what doesn't belong anymore and then we go on self care so self care you know this is a big one I talk about it all the time and I know it for a lot of people that kind of think oh self care isn't that just candles and baths and face masks and a nice coffee and yeah those things are lovely but real self care can be a lot less glamorous you know it's going to better as soon as you're tired and doing the things that you've been putting off you know the procrastination stuff making the appointment actually properly looking at the bank account you know or having the conversation you're been avoiding moving your body you know saying no said that few times are ready

12:40nourishing your body properly eating well and self care is absolutely not drinking and I've said this on the podcast before and it hits quite hard but drinking is actually self-harming you really are harming yourself when you drink so the opposite of that is that self-esteem self-love self-care and it's a really different mindset so ask yourself what would make tomorrow easier for me it's such a great self-care question you know you you could be drinking alcohol I have an stressful day ordering food you don't want you know or you could think what would future me thank me for and maybe that is making a nourishing meal or getting out for a walk having an early night going home you know that can be the the self-care there's a quote from James Clear who says every action you take is a vote for the person you wish to become I think that's so relevant to us because every time you choose the thing that aligns with the person that you're becoming that's when

13:42you're casting a vote don't have to completely transform your whole life you just have to you know keep voting bit by bit and then the next thing I want to talk about is the idea of trying to be good so let's challenge this language that we use around ourselves you know all I've been really good or or have been naughty or or I've earned a drink it's it's such nonsense we've all been trained to think about alcohol in this kind of like it's a real part of a reward system oh if you've had a bad day have it as a reward if it's a Friday you know you need a reward if it's a holiday promotion you know whatever it is our brain learns okay life event must mean alcohol and one of the most powerful powerful things you can do when you're quitting alcohol is create new rewards not fake ones not things that are actually going to make your life harder but actual rewards so if you know you associate a reward with certain things you know I don't know Friday night or whatever then make it means something else rather than alcohol choose to cook something amazing for yourself or I don't

14:48know book a book a class you want to go to let yourself outside do it intentionally actually put something in its place don't just remove the reward actually replace the ritual so you know you've heard me say a load of times you know keep the ritual change the ingredients and that goes for the alcohol free drinks but it also goes for the things that we do if if we always have an association that when we finish work on a Friday night we have our inner verticals reward drinking with friends if you simply remove the reward your unconscious mind will hate that because it feels deprived oh where's my Friday gone so replace the ritual give it something else and then that brings us on to talking about your social life so if you're sober or so curious of course it's gonna it's gonna bring up stuff around friendships and relationships and some were genuinely built around drinking and that's that can be painful so you know the goal isn't to build a to build a social life with

15:56only sober people although sober people are pretty cool but what you can say to yourself maybe for September is can I create a third place you know not not home all the workplace but a place where I go just because I love being there you know whether for you that's a yoga class or a gym or some kind of club or a coffee shop or a creative class or a walking group or volunteering or a gallery I mean it's just so many options but somewhere you can become a familiar face because there's something really great about just showing up actually showing up for yourself and for whatever the the thing is you start recognizing other people with your shared interest and conversations happen and suddenly you've built a new community you know without him to stand in a loud pub shouting over the music and that's a that's a fantastic upgrade so instead of what am I gonna do now you know when I'm as I'm not drinking I'll show myself what am I curious enough to go and experience

16:59and then another little challenge I'm gonna throw about you is to do something that makes you feel like a beginner yeah you heard that right so doing some of your bad at hourly it's super good for you not something you're secretly brilliant at but something you're not good at you know take a class or try some painting or learn language or dance or try Pilates or cook something that's really complex or pick up a guitar and the reason is because we become so obsessed don't we as adults you know the whole adulting thing so obsessed with being competent you know we used to knowing what we know and knowing what we're good at doing and we're good at the job we do and we're good at running the house and we're good at parenting and we're good at you know whatever it is and then we stop doing things that make us feel like beginners you know we stop pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone but actually being a beginner can we really good for you because it kind of takes you back to the start again it makes you a bit humble makes you curious gives you something to work towards

18:02and you know one thing's for sure if you used to drink a lot you will find you've got more time on your hands now you're not drinking so there's something great that you can change you and you you can use some of that time to just experiment have fun one of the cyber club members was telling me she'd taken up basket weaving and she said I never would have thought I'd even be interested in it but I'm not good at it I don't know where to start but I'm doing it anyway and then let's just talk about energy instead of thinking of energy like a budget you know we talk about time management the problem isn't always time it can actually be about energy and you know if you've got I don't know three hours free in the evening if you spent the whole day working making decisions doing them with kids meetings whatever you haven't really got three hours of energy that can actually use you've really only got I don't know 40 minutes or something so we have to ask ourselves where where is my energy actually going and is it where I want it to go and that can kind of change

19:05how you plan your week really because one particular person leaves you exhausted and you're spending time with them then you know it's not going to work if you know you feel fantastic after you've been exercising even if you don't feel like doing it make yourself do it because you're going to feel great and if you're spending lots of energy on everyone else but only giving yourself the leftovers that is not sustainable either so spend your time wisely and then I want you to do the one promise rule and this is really simple you just make a promise to yourself every day and then you keep it and that's it so it could be I'm going for a walk today I'm not drinking gonna make the phone call I've been putting off gonna spend 20 minutes on a project that's important to me whatever it is for you and then you keep the promise and why does that matter because confidence isn't just something you feel about yourself it comes from evidence so you can begin to trust yourself when you repeatedly demonstrate to yourself that you can be relied upon and if you're

20:11so curious this is very powerful because when we're drinking it's actually very hard to trust ourselves very hard so rather than make some you know giant declaration just tell yourself I'm keeping this promise and then tomorrow you do it again and that's how you build the evidence and one of the amazing benefits about quitting alcohol by the way is that you get to trust yourself again so then let's talk about motivation don't wait for it don't feel wait till you feel motivated to get out into nature don't feel motivated to cook dinner or you know confident to go to an event just act first and then the feelings kind of catch up later just just decide right I'm gonna get these you know shoes on and I'm gonna get moving um sometimes things feel hard you don't have to enjoy every single minute to change you just have to remember why you chose it and then actually do it

21:14and then I want you to create a non-negotiable so one thing this autumn that is going to become non-negotiable for you so it might be prioritizing sleep might be exercise maybe it's getting someone to uncoaching maybe it's choosing alcohol free drinks that you love going for walking the morning spending time with your kids about your phone you know whatever it is for you just create a non-negotiable make it something that supports the person that you want to become and you know rather than saying oh do I feel like this instead of saying that just say this is what I do instead of or I'm trying to drink a bit less just say I'm someone who doesn't drink it's really powerful when your identity chart starts to change through that repeated behavior and then the last one then a lovely piece of symbolism if you like that we can use in a few weeks it's the Autumn Echinocs 23rd September of course when the day and night are equal and we got this lovely natural

22:20marker so you know you've got a couple of weeks till September 23rd think of that as your little checkpoint and ask yourself what what do I want to get to how do I want to feel by then and then the final question of this little chat if you're sober if you are thinking about changing the relationship without with alcohol ask yourself what is it you're building what do you bringing in what do you rather than just what am I not doing what am I bringing in so that you can say you know I don't drink but here's what I do I love reading I love listening to podcasts I create x and y I run I have great conversations I have great friendships I dance I live differently I take care of myself and on and on and on and on that's the upgrade actually noticing what it is you can do

23:23that helps you show up for your own life and perhaps that's the real September recalibration if you like not trying to become a completely different person but just giving the person you've become some some room in there to grow so I hope some of that was useful I'll make sure this goes in some form note form where you can access it if you drop me a message on social media I'll send you the the the challenges that I've given you there just act genuinely grace find me across any social platform and you can drop me a message and I'll send you the written version um you know of that challenge because you know September doesn't have to be the month where you get perfect thank goodness you can just be honest you can be protected of your protective of your energy you can be interested in your own life the goal remember is not to spend your life trying to

24:24white knuckle it and resist alcohol the goal is to build a life where alcohol doesn't have any importance anymore you know life where you focus on well-being and your your relationships are real and you feel authentic and you feel present so you know it's new season more of the real me you know just remember that piece you do not have to escape your life you get to build one that you don't want to escape from would you like to become an accredited sober coach have you quit drinking and found yourself looking for a new purpose thousands of people are searching for help to quit and live their best life without the booze our sober coach training gives you the tools the confidence and the community to support others no experience needed except knowing what it feels like to have drunk more than you wanted to we start with two transformational in person days then you join our coaches family with ongoing support and

25:27webinars to help you use your skills in ways that suit you if you're already a coach or a therapist this could be an in demand extra string to your bow or a whole new career opportunity as a sober club accredited coach for more info visit the sober club.com and click on the become a sober coach menu item and also I got to chat to Damian from the Dolston soda company and I thought I'd spin that a little bit that interview for you on this show. Hi good afternoon Jenny. How are you? Yeah great thanks so much for joining us. I mean this is a topic so very close to my heart I'm a very big fan of adult soft drinks and alcohol free drinks and so yeah I'd love to know more about this just tell me first of all about because you started life as a chef how did that lead you into into drinks? Well I didn't come out of the room shefing but yes I did end up working for the Orange Express hotels company as a chef on the

26:33train in Scotland called the Royal Scotsman and then I think for a lot of people in food and drink sort of the way out is through and they look to start their own businesses so I did that around let's just say about 10 years ago and so and that's what was that first drinks business that was that was this company? Well we called Dolston Cola Company we originally sort of sort of be quite fun to take on Coca-Cola being two chefs operating out of Dolston and like called in Dolston called passing clouds but yeah we can pretend it's Dolston soda after we realized that people were sort of more interested in non-cola drinks actually. Yeah tell us a bit more about the the whole idea of adult soft drinks I mean it's something that I I talk about all the time because I work with people who are quit in alcohol they're not at rock bottom but they they want to change their relationship with alcohol and I'm always saying you know keep the ritual change the ingredients as adults we still want a nice drink and a nice glass don't we? Yeah absolutely so I think adult non-alcohol is is really growing when we started the book frankly wasn't very much

27:36around. No. No there are there are lots and lots of options. Dam actually sent me a case of there alcohol free beer the other day along with a case of there dam lemon which is a sort of light it's basically a shandy and I found those were really helpful as I've been cutting down on the booze. Yeah. I'm about to go sort of dry for September because I'm doing a little distance learning course and I just want to stay sharp so I think people are using for lots of different reasons and there's now a really nice lot of nice lot of options on the market. Yeah there are I mean I think the beers particularly have really really changed and and a lot of the kind of the the big brands are in on it now of course you know you can get all your and I don't need to name all the brands but we all know who they are and they're everywhere and I think I think I'm right in saying they've seen probably you know sort of percentage wise greater growth with their alcohol free beers than the than the regular beers so it's definitely a thing but all of these artisan

28:37brands I mean I don't I don't personally drink beer or you know or alcohol free beer but I'm told that they're fantastic and the fact that as you say you can go into a pub and sometimes this will be on tap or you can just order a beer or a larga without any alcohol and now it still tastes great whereas probably ten years ago it might not have done. Yeah very much so I think people mixing that drink up as well throughout the night so there's a term that the industry uses called zebras tripping which personally I think it's a little bit silly I don't know if anyone goes out and sort of you know what are you going to do tonight oh we're going zebras tripping it's just don't particularly like the term well you mean you have you have a glass of alcohol and then you have something with that alcohol yeah exactly yeah and so just mixing up and I find myself doing this more and more I don't know if it's just a leverage a certain age but I don't think it is I think lots lots of people are doing it yeah so tell us about a little bit about the the move to to work with dami go brewery and bed for tell us a bit about production there well it's a huge

29:38deal for us really we built a Dawson's sort of company you know I built two small factories in London my dad helped me paint the floor on the first one and we then moved on as you as you do in drinks you grow and you get into larger industry we've been working with one factory for many years but time for a change what's going on here really is it's a distribution and manufacturing deal so the really large opportunity for us is dam getting behind us with their sort of commercial power and their UK sales team and pushing us further around the country really we just don't have the resources to be able to do that but yeah we're going to be manufactured at the evil brewery the historic evil brewery it's been around for a long time dam have invested a lot of money in it over the last couple of years when I originally went to the site it was you know half of it was very much a building site they were they were making big changes and it is now I think sort of one of

30:43the most impressive state-of-the-art lines I've personally seen in my you know now many years in industry so very excited there's a like a palpable feeling of excitement there amongst their teams as well yeah they're employing a lot of people they're growing there's a huge amount of work to do but yeah we're very excited and I think there's a chance of me being able to get very involved in building a sort of lab as part of the incubator in order to do more NPD for Dawson's which is quite exciting for me yeah I was gonna ask what's what's next any new flavors anything new you can tease us with uh personal policy is not to talk about things until until they're actually here but yeah we tend to put out new flavors each year we like to try different categories as well there's a lot of buzz around what people are calling functional drinks yeah so it's not yeah drinks with added sort of added benefits I think I've always been just a fan of like nice

31:45tasting drinks I think if you're gonna you know if you're gonna get be worried about your health you know just eat good food eat the right food yeah I as you know get some sleep don't don't think that you know everything that you have every product you consume is gonna somehow be beneficial for you I think getting the basics right is most important there so yeah we'll just keep concentrating on making great tasting drinks great done can I Brian do you want to give us the website people find out more uh sorry what was that don't you want to just share the website web website yes it's www.dolston.com so yeah you can purchase on that so that was a clip from a piece I did on the BBC Radio East interesting interesting brand and be interesting to see more of what they're doing with the with the brewery in in bed for sure there are so many incredible artists and beers now aren't there it's really incredible just keep on to that thought you know keep the ritual change the ingredients whatever it is for you some people love alcohol free drinks others don't they just want

32:49the soft drinks and it's all good but find what works for you so that you don't feel that sense of feeling you know deprived and all of that nonsense and just a reminder please come and come to our event Thursday 10th of September it would be lovely to have a few podcast listeners there it's really important live in conversation with me at hello love in bloom spree and it's our seven ways to well-being event sober club seventh birthday so there's some lovely goody bags and a glass of alcohol free naughty will be enjoyed as well and you're very very welcome the tickets on if you go to the soberclub.com forward slash events or you can look at the show notes for this to grab your ticket bring friends it's totally non-judgmental it's very informal it would be so great to see you there and for anyone who's quit alcohol and they're now thinking I you know I'd love to turn my sobriety to a new purpose then you can always drop me a message we can have a chat

33:52or you can join our free webinar which is Thursday the 17th of September at 730 and we'll be just looking at what it means to be an accredited sober coach working with gray area drinkers so looking forward to meeting some of you seeing some of you next Thursday don't forget if you're doing this hard thing then be kind to yourself put something that stuff in place that I was talking about earlier some of the self-care some of the the little challenges for yourself about not trying to be perfect but just focusing on what feels good what feels good for you a September recalibration if you like and give yourself a really big hug and reach out tell someone you're doing this you can absolutely always message me at genuinely grace and if I get your message I will reply can't say fair and that see you next time or see you on Thursday at home thank you for listening to the alcohol free life podcast brought to you by the sober club

34:53please rate and review and if you want support accountability and inspiration and you want to live your best life without the booze check out the sober club dot com