"A Little Bit Country" - Horror Hill

0:00Greetings, listeners. Eric P. Body here, and tonight I'm bringing you a taste of Horror Hill's past with a special performance from the program's original host, Jason Hill. Before I took up residence here on the Hill, Jason gave voice to the nightmares that defined the show's earliest years, and if you enjoy what you hear tonight, I encourage you to venture back through the first few seasons of the program, where you'll find many more stories hosted and performed by the man who started it all. As for me, I'll be back myself with new tales of terror every Thursday. Tonight's tale introduces us to a weary, southern sinner who has spent an eternity wandering the caverns of hell. When he is unexpectedly pulled from his punishment and offered a position in the infernal bureaucracy, it appears that his fortunes have finally changed. His first assignment sends him back to Earth into the body of a young girl believed to be possessed, but the rules of his new occupation are complicated, his handler is desperate,

1:03and the truth behind his supposed promotion is far more sinister than either of them is willing to admit. From author Drew Stepich and performed by original Horror Hill host, Jason Hill, this is a little bit country. I walked into that office and wiped some dirt and sweat off of my head with my arm. The office was as wide as a laundromat, with one desk and two chairs in front of it. A fat man in glasses with a pencil behind his ear stood up and started clapping his flavvy old hands. And it was sweating when his face was all red. I was sweating too, so I didn't pay it no bother. He had long hair pulled back into ponytail, like a girl. And one of them funny beards, and I think people call them landikes. There he is, he shouted across that room. I stopped dead in my tracks. I mean, was it first and was I heard since I can't remember nothing.

2:08Since I've been there, I'm not sure. Well, the fat man bangered me. Are you going to close the fucking door and come in? Will you burn it a bond? I look back outside the office as I gripped on that door handle. There was nothing but black behind me. I sniff my nose and crack my own neck. Jesus Christ's son, he hollered. We have a lot to get to. I jiggled at the handle a bit and then closed it as I was told. Oh, where am I? I asked him. Come on over here and take a seat. He pointed at one of him chairs in front of his desk. We have a lot to get through before I can send you out. I shuffled my dirty bare feet over toward him. Send me out where. I asked him. Am I going somewhere? He pointed at the chair in the left in front of his desk. You've been brought up to the big league, son. Didn't anyone brief you? He picked up his phone and pushed a flashing button.

3:10Philips! He howled. What the fuck is going on? They waited a second and then rolled in, bulge his eyes. Didn't anyone educate number? They shuffled his hands around the stacks of papers on his desk and pulled out a folder. They opened it and dragged his finger down that page. Number 2-5-616-23228-597-23519a? I got him in the office now! Look at me and he doesn't know where he is. He covered the phone with his hand. Ah, fucking processing. Heads are going to roll. That's for sure. He pointed to that left seat again. Why don't you take a seat while I get your paperwork all situated? I'm just fine standing right here. I'll tell him. He waved me away like a bumblebee and took his hand off of that phone. What do you mean he hasn't been processed yet? Did he at least get his orientation? He covered up the phone again and asked, did you have your orientation?

4:13Yet. I didn't remember getting the orientation so I said, I don't know. He slapped himself on the forehead. Okay, Phillips. He don't know. Ask Thompson what I should do. He pointedly pulled the phone away from his ear and pointed to it. Hold music? Oh, it's just the worst. He rocked back in that chair of his and put his arms behind his fat, old head. His arms were drenched like he just got sprayed with a garden hose. He pulled that phone back to his ear and listened. He let out a big gust of wind and pulled out that pencil from behind his ear, started writing stuff on that folder. Okay. Hey, San. Okay. Wait. What? They snapped the pencil in half. What do you mean I have to do it? I'm his handler. He should already be prepped and ready to go. That damn it, Phillips.

5:14He's supposed to go out today. He started beating that phone against his head. Not hard, like. Well, it was just making a point. Do you really expect me to believe that the processing department is short-staffed? We're in fucking hell. There are zillions of people down here. They waited a second and listened to Phillips. Oh, don't worry. The IT will hear about this. He put his hand over the phone and looked at me. Can you believe this guy? Then he pulled it right back to that face of his. Fuck me. Fuck you, Phillips. Hey, slam the phone back onto its butt. He put his hands over his sweaty lady haircut and started laughing like a mental patient. Oh, excuse me, mister. I tried to get his attention. What in the heck am I doing here? He picked it up behind him hands and took a deep breath. Then he opened up that folder. Come on over here and take a seat.

6:14He pointed at that left chair. Well, limped on over. Seems like I've been walking forever and my legs hurt. Pulled that chair out from his desk. I haven't sat down in a long time, mister. He picked up some glasses and went back to the folder. Hmm. It's not like sitting is something you have to learn how to do. He looked up at me, just jokes, son. Then he looked back down at that there folder again. Yep. Looks like you have been walking for a long time. He took him glasses off. How long do you think you've been down there? I brushed off the seat on that chair. Well, I don't know. It seems like forever. They smiled at me. You don't need to tell me I've been there. Thing is that there is no time in hell. It's just dumb. Here. I've been down to take that seat and then fell right on the my ass. My chair wasn't even there at all. They shot out a seat and shouted, bam!

7:16Ha ha! I never gets old. You trying to hood wink me, mister? I looked behind me to see who pulled it away before I tried to sit in it. I think no one was there. My chair weren't even there no more. They started screaming and laughing and pounding his fists on the desk. So classic. So classic! I rubbed my legs in my butt when the chair did hurt. Where'd that chair go? Why the hell would y'all do that to me? They stopped laughing for a second and then looked behind them like I wasn't talking to him at all. Then they turned back to me and looked at me like he didn't know whether to check his want or scratch his ass. Y'all. They turned round again. I'm the only one here. He took his seat and then went back to that folder. Oh, here we go. They thumped on that folder with his finger. You're from the American South. Duh. I got back to my feet and brushed off the backs of my legs.

8:20I guess so. I don't remember much. They snapped his fingers and that chair came right back up behind me like some kind of magic trick. No one remembers much about being up there. They pointed at the white ceiling. Take your seat, please son. A stepdough toward him. Mr. I got a mind to it. Just sit down. I got my laugh of the day. I grabbed the chair by its arms and lowered myself onto the seat. Didn't get swallowed up into thin air this time around. And threw the folder back on the desk. Well, you don't have a name on here rather than 225-616232285972519. I was listening to him best of could, but I was thinking more about how good it felt to sit down. Seems like I'd really been walking around to them hot old caravans forever. You're the first person I spoke to since I've been here. You looked at me like I was a squirrel on a rat trap and pointed a new pencil of me.

9:25I'm going to call you country. Started looking at my dry hands with my tongue. Well, you want to call me that. He started making fun of the way I talked. Well, you're a little bit country, being a southern gentleman and all, who? Besides, I don't want to have to read off that long number every time I want to call you something. Well, I think I want to go back to them caverns now, mister. I told him. He put his elbows down on the desk and looked at me straight. No. I don't think you do. My hands were covered in calluses like I got chickenpox from a baseball mitt. I'm trying to look at him best of could. And why is that? Jesus! He yelled and then pushed me some lotion on the corner of his desk. Licking your hands is only going to make them worse. I squirt a little bit of the lotion out of the jar and then smelled it. This ain't hot sauce or nothing, isn't it? Hot sauce?

10:25Ha ha! Hilarious! They grabbed the bottle and dealt a little bit onto his hands and then lathered him up. That is a good idea though. I need to remember that one. He stood up. You want something to drink, country? Heh, better not be no hot sauce. I warned him. He walked over to a water cooler in the corner that wasn't there a second before. What exactly is your obsession with hot sauce? He poured out some water into a little cup and brought it back to me. I grabbed the cup and sucked it down. Couldn't even remember last time that I had water. I handed it back to him. Can I have me a little more? He chuckled. Hew back country. He walked back to the water cooler and refilled that cup. You know, you're real lucky. In all my time working as a handler down here, I've never seen anyone make it to age and status so quickly. The IT must have seen something special in you.

11:27The IT? I asked. Yeah. The IT. Trust me. He mowsied back to me with my second cup of water. I'm just a lowly handler and I had to suck the IT's dick and eat the IT's pussy for what seemed like forever. You ain't making no sense. I took the cup and licked it the rim like a bullfrog kitchen of fly before I drank it down. It was the best darn water I ever did have. The IT is what people up there call the devil. He giggled. Satan? Lord of the underworld? You have a softest offelies? Let me get this straight, mister. The devil is some kind of lady. Didn't you just hear me say that it had a dick country? Keep up. You ever heard of a lady with a dick? I crunched up the paper cup over my head and tried my damnedest squeeze every darn drop of water out of it.

12:28You also sent the IT head of a jonna. The IT has both. They started to happen. I don't know what the fuck I was sucking and eating. You don't ask the IT questions. The bottom line is that I did my time and I got this job. Now, as of today, I work for you. Well, I never heard about nothing like that about Dixon for jonna's and art. I also never even met this IT thing. I infolded the cup and put it down on his desk. I wanted more water, but I didn't want to seem like I was giving him no disrespect. What are we going to be doing? Shouvelin pig shit or something? He sat down behind his desk and started giggling. Oh no country. We won't be shouvelin pig shit. He pulled open the drawer behind that desk and then dropped a bunch of books and folders in front of me.

13:28As of today, you are an agent. You will be sent out into the field to manipulate the forces of heaven. Your purpose, our purpose, is to break down the followers of God. One at a time. Do what now? I picked up one of them books and flipped through the pages. He smirked and put out his hand shake mine. Name sunny Hooper. You can call me Hooper. I will be your coach and your handler. I looked up from that book, looked my hand and shook his. You do know how to read, don't you? They asked me. I assume you slept well? Mr. Hooper asked me. He walked over and handed me a big old bottle of water. I pulled some crust off the inside of my nose and sucked that water down and refilled by itself. Well, I don't believe. I figured it was some kind of a magic or something.

14:28I'm sure it was nice to sleep in a bed, but that fan wasn't really working real well. Contrary, he dug in flabby hands and heads into a bag of potato chips. You're at hell! Do you know how hot it is to get fans down here at all? He waved me over to a new door that appeared behind his desk over by that mortar cooler. I followed him. I remember one summer, on him hardware stores in my town, around fans. That must have been like hell! Hahaha! It's said in your file that you're from Tupelo, Mississippi, the home of the king? Like you just turned on a light moment of closet. I remembered the king. I remembered Elvis. A lot of music. He put out his hand and let me enter that new room before him. I looked inside. It was all wide with some kind of computer doohickey. And some other type of trough that looked to be hooked up to the computer doohickey.

15:30There ain't no tricks in here, is there? Along with that chair. He put up his arm and the flab digled in a short-sleeve shirt. We don't have time for tricks, country. I walked into that room. They pointed to the computer doohickey. That is the machine that will take you back to the earth realm. I scoffed on over to the trough and bent down to smell it. It wasn't a trough like the tin ones I used to fill on my daddy's farm. At least I didn't think so. I'm getting now. I looked at them hands of mine. I get to leave. He put his hand over his face. Oh God, no! You just get to go on a… vacation. I walked over to that computer doohickey and pushed a couple of buttons on a typewriter that lit up like a light bright toy. Did you read any of the books or assignments that I gave you yesterday? I walked over to him and looked at the window glass TV screen on top of that computer doohickey.

16:32It was too dark to read. I touched that window screen. They swatted my hand away like I was a fly on a hot dog. I touched that country. Are you telling me that you don't know how this works? When I was getting a little tired of his tone, I said it was dark. They smacked himself on the head. Fuck! That's right. You can't read! I can read! I can't read, Adam. I think… Look, it's not that hard. I have sent several agents into the field without understanding the ins and outs of the equipment. He handed me a little June bug looking saying, put this over your ear. I turn that critter over and hundreds of thousands of legs jiggled around. I didn't much like that bug. It's not going to bite me, is it? Bite you? No! It's an earpiece so I can communicate with you. They pointed out a microphone coming out of that light bright time brighter in front

17:36of the computer, Dew Hickey. I talk into that and you hear me in your ear. I will be watching you from this. They pointed at the window glass TV. That way I can monitor what you are doing. We can't have you breaking any of the treaty agreements with the guys upstairs. They pointed at that ceiling. I'll put the bug in my ear. It clamped over the top and the bottom. I found all thousands of them legs pricking to my skin. You mean God? God Jesus angels and shit, the other team! Let me make this simple. He pointed at that white trough. You will be in here. Then he walked over to that computer Dew Hickey. I will be watching you from here. You will be doing what I say and playing for our team. It's like football. I like football. I think. Scratched at my ear.

18:37A jing bug was locked on there pretty tight. It was making me want to sneeze for some reason. What position am I playing? It's not literally football. You will be taking over the body of a little girl who is presumed possessed. The device in your ear will control your crossing between the realms. They tapped on that jing bug thing. Well looked at the window glass TV on top of that computer Dew Hickey. It was seeing everything that I was seeing. I waved my hand in front of my face. Huh. This machine, it waved his hand around the room. It's connected to House Core. It allows us to communicate with the Earth Realm through little girls. I didn't much understand what he was saying so I just acted like a dead and nodded my head. My little girls. They are the easiest to occupy. For some reason everyone thinks that when a little girl is sad is starting her period that she is possessed.

19:37So we breach that consciousness when they are easily inhabitable. I could tell you a million stories of all the times that the other team is trying to shut down our operation because we figured that out. That's why there is a treaty in place. We can scare the hell out of anyone we want, but we can't kill anyone from their team. Let's become a game of influence. We used to be able to take down whoever we wanted, but the IT as kind of a weird relationship with the other team. Remember that. Our job is to out with them and show the rest of the Earth Realm the persuasion of the IT. I looked at Mr. Hooper and then at the TV screen. Remember what? Jesus country! You put one of my hands on the microphone and pushed a couple buttons on that light bright tap router. Felt! They turned around to look at me and said, just a second.

20:38They turned back to that computer do Hickey. I saw on the back of his head and then I saw the window TV. This guy isn't ready. He put his hand over that jing bug in his ear. I know that with short staff, asshole, I think we should send him back to the caverns. He doesn't even want to do this. I walked over and tapped him on the shoulder. Mr. Hooper. Hooper. Call me Hooper. He shushed me like we was in the church. Not you, Phillips. I know you know my name. He's talking to me. The jing bug in my ear started to itch some more. Hooper. I don't want to go back to the caverns. What do I got to do? He put up his finger again. Wait, Phillips. It looks like he doesn't want to go back to the caverns. I shook my hand and it talked into my jing bug. I don't want to go back to them caverns, Mr. Phillips. They heard it from him. Can we send them up to show you that he's ready?

21:40Yes. Okay. Of course. I'll get him to sign the paperwork. Mr. Hooper stunk up his thumb. I think we're in business. He walked over to the trough and flipped some dude ahead. Oh, fuck you, Phillips. He smirked and winked at me. You have a better chance to go back to the caverns than my boy country. He waited a second. Oh, yeah. You want to make a wager? Hmm. Here I am. He waited another second. Toolshed. Are you fucking kidding me? She's not fucking Toolshed. This hick will be a rock star and a Toolshed. If country fucks this up, I'll do a thousand years in the caverns. If he does things right, you go back to the caverns. Late at dip shit. He put his hand over his jing bug like he was hanging up the telephone. Do I gotta go back?

22:40I'm talking another drink from the water. Sure did taste good. Mr. Hooper grabbed a stack of papers that were sitting next to the computer to do Hickey. They handed it to me. You have to sign this now. I looked at the pages but couldn't read nothing. Well, what does it say? That... That's right. You can't read. I grabbed them and papered back. I can't read. I... I think. Imported to the first page. This says that you're enlisted in the service of the underworld and that you pledge yourself to the IT. He went to the next page. This says that you will abide by the rules of the treaty. Blah blah blah. Remember, don't kill any priests, parents, good Christians, people, etc. We don't kill. Our mission is to influence. He flipped through more of them pages. This is the treaty. He flipped through what seemed like a couple of hundred pages and finally he got to that

23:42final page. This says that you are choosing not to walk the cabins anymore. And finally, this says that you won't try to escape once you're in the earth realm. Escape? Yeah, man. If you rip this off, it wrapped on the June bug in my ear. When you're in the earth realm, you'll trap there. I took a sip of that water. So I'd be free. No. You're not going there yourself? Only your soul. Your brain's going there too. You will be trapped in the body of one of your hosts. Sure. You'll feel all the same pain that your host feels and you'll be able to smell the air and taste the food and all that good shit. But you won't be there. Imagine being in a jail where you can't talk to anyone you see. I'm not sure it does sound better than them caverns.

24:42I'll tell them. Of course it does. He flipped his fat old finger on that page. Once you sign this, you'll never see the cabins again. I promise. You will be able to drink all the water you want. You will have a bed and a room every night. If you help me win this bad shit. I'll get you a working fan and some lights in your room. They handed me back them papers in a pen. Please help me out country. In case you didn't hear, I just made a bet with that petter-ass Phillips. Man. Do I hate that guy? He's been trying to steal my job for years. And I looked at him papers and grabbed that pen. So my brain won't hear anymore? It turned back to the computer, do Hickey. No, your little brain won't be in hell anymore. I don't much like the way you're talking to me again, Mr. Hooper. Fine. They say it as he punched away on that light bright typewriter.

25:46Big brain. You have a fucking big brain. When I started to sign in papers and then stopped. Wait. What's my name? They didn't turn around. Just sign the contract country. If you can't spell and just put an X. I'll send it over to Phillips immediately and they'll process 225-616232285972519. I'll scratch an X on that last page. Mr. Hooper snatched in papers back from me and fed them into his computer, New Hickey. They should do the trick. Thing is that you need to follow the rules when you're up there because we're sending you out as an unprocessed agent. You're taking a chance on you because I believe in you. He waited a minute. I took a gulp of water. Did you get the contract, Phillips? A snap just fingers at me and pointed toward the trough. Then he whispered, may, get in.

26:47I walked over to that trough. It opened up like a garage door and it looked inside. There was all types of machines and wires inside of it. There was also a comfortable looking lawn chair in the middle. I pushed my hands up against the back. Sure it was soft. Oh, fuck off, Phillips! Mr. Hooper screamed like an alley cat. Be sure until the old gang out of the cabins I fucking hate them. He tapped on his dune bug again and then hit a few more times on that light bright time-rider. I dragged my legs over the side of the trough and laid back in the chair. Is this right? Perfect country now lay back. They walked up behind me and put this thingy that looked like a green bean strainer over my head. It's going to be a bit disorienting when you slip back to the earth realm, but it will get easier the more you do it. He flipped on a switch on the side of that green bean strainer. Oh, you my boy?

27:47I ain't nobody's boy. I told him. He laughed and his fat rolls jiggled near my nose. I know that. You're a badass. You're a soldier. You're a hero. He slapped me on my arm. Tell me the rules now. I stretched out my neck. When the chair sure was comfortable, I felt like a pig and shit. Sure, it was better than walking around them cabins. Number one, don't tear off this or my brain will be inside a little girl forever. I tapped on that dune bug. He started weezing away. Perfect. What else? Don't kill no priest or nothing like that. Don't kill anyone country. Remember the treaty. You have to remember the treaty. If you fuck this up, the IT will get in trouble with God and then I will be sucking dicks and eating pussies for a long time. Don't kill nobody.

28:47I said. Red light started swirling round on top of that window glass TV and a bunch of gravy started filling up inside the trough. Mr. Hooper counted down with them fingers as three, two, one. Good luck country. Let's send Phillips back to the cabins where he belongs. God damn Yankee. I think he lived in Boston when he was on earth. I don't think I've ever been to no Boston but I don't think I'd lock it. On top of that trough, locked tight like a cigarette holder and the gravy completely filled it up. Didn't smother me though. And it didn't taste like no gravy I ever had before. I opened my eyes and spit out that gravy taste but nothing came out. The vacation ride made my big old brain feel drunker than Cudor Brown. Whatever the hell that was. Look around to see where it was.

29:48I was in a tool shed, hitting back in a corner behind a lawn mower. I scratched and I didn't see if it was real and got my hand all tangled up in some smother webs. Yep. It was real alright. I put my hand up my dress. There weren't no man parts down there. I was inside one of them little girls. I didn't want to go up in there too far. Didn't much like messing around with little girls I reckon. The door across the shed opened and I think I heard a bird chirping. Little old mouse scurried into another corner. Violet? Are you in here? The man hollered into the shed. It's just deacon brushiers, deacon prying in your paw. I peaked up over the side of the mower and the barn doors into the shed opened about halfway. I was back. I was back on earth. I heard a voice in that jing bug on my ear. Country can you hear me?

30:49I looked out and saw him deacon's enter the shed. Country it's hoop can you hear me? I'm pressed on the jing bug like Mr. Hooper said. I hear you. I said. At least I think I said my voice sounded like a little girl. This is weird. Don't worry. The machine in near it was cloaked when you were in the earth well. You successfully crossed the plains. What do you see? The deacon started to enter the shed. Violet? It's your paw? We're here to help you. I pressed on that jing bug again whispered like a cotton tail rabbit. I mean the shed. Some man coming in here. I think they want to help me. What did I do? Mr. Hooper laughed. Flick the switch on the side of the receiver on your ear. I need to see what's happening. I need to handle the situation. Remember, no fuck ups or I'm in the cabins for a long ass time.

31:50I turned on little switch on the side of that deacon bug like Mr. Hooper told me. I'm not a breeze coming from outside through a hole in the shed. It smelled nice. Like the magnolias were blooming on a spring day. It smelled better than that burnt pig shit than caverns. Smell like home. It made me remember home. I even think I heard a bird chirping outside. Good work. I can see the door and the men. Keep looking in that direction. I need to know what we're dealing with. Remember, no killing. I did, as Mr. Hooper told me. Three shadows entered the shed. I grabbed onto the sea to the mower. Oh shit. What, Mr. Hooper? What do you see? I asked him. Open your eyes. Cold red country. They have bats and a shotgun. He was right. As soon as M. Deacon's in that paw got to the middle of the shed, one of them clicked

32:50on a light bulb with a string. Two was all choking up on different bats and the man who wasn't in a church outfin had a shotgun. I think that one was paw. Why do they have bats and guns, Mr. Hooper? I asked him. Getting a little chilly from the hole in the shed. Jesus country. They know that you're inside a little girl. Fucking Phillips blew our cover. We should abort. Abort? You should come back. They've already won. Looks like it's back to the caverns for me. Damn it. I ain't going back to no caverns. I held down. Violet. One of them asked, We're here to help you. Come on out of that corner. Abort country. Abort. When I stood up and brushed off that spring dress and little girl had on, attacked on the June bug, I ain't going back to them caverns. Violet baby? It's paw.

33:51What caverns, honey? One of them said to me, well looked over next to me and grabbed a digging spade. The only better not come back here. I'll fucking kill you motherfuckers. I'll rip him, Dixie yours, need him like a possum pie. They all gasped as if they never heard us where before. Country. God damn it. Stand down. Fuck you Mr. Hooper. I'm going to win this football game. I'll tell them. You ain't got to worry about sucking no more Dixie, no more Vajonis. I jumped on top of that lawnmower, seat and pulled that spade back behind my right ear. The little girl's hair fell in front of my face. Get out of here you fucking Yankees. Go back to heaven. Daniel, go back in the house. You don't need to see this. The paws stood there crying like a woman. A shotgun fell onto the dirt floor. One of them deacon stepped to me. Violet put down that shovel. The June bug started blaring static and buzzing in my ear but it couldn't really hear nothing

34:55Mr. Hooper was saying to me. I turned off that switch that he had me turn on. I'm going to kill you fuckers. I jumped at the deacon in front and shoved the spade right around his dick. He dropped to his knees and started begging me to stop. I shoved that thing in and out his gullet like I was churning butter. A lot of his insides dumbed on to the ground in front of him. He fell on his knees like he was starting to pray. They weren't praying though. They were trying to pick up his gizzards and all him put it back inside of him. He started summed through all them guts like I was jumping through sprinklers in the mud. I picked up a long string of him insides and wrapped him around his neck like I was putting Christmas lights on tree. He coughed and screamed and it smelled kind of like he might have shitting his drawers. He started losing his breath and finally fell forward. I left it up that spade and dug it clean through him from the other side. When he hit the ground flat and stopped flipping and flopping,

35:57I just dug my little girl hands into them ears of his and pulled his head off. That second deacon came at me with his bat and swung away, merrily messing my head. Stupid Yankee. I walked on top of that one who was dead and shoved my little girl fingers into his eyes. You don't fuck with my team! I ripped around in his sockets and scratched his face, tearing all the skin right off. Water pouring out of his eyes tickled on my fingers and made me smile. I wasn't in no cavern no more. Pah folded like a coward at a cart table in the corner, squilling like a little baby hog. All he could say was, no violet, please stop! That second deacon came with me again. He didn't really have much of a face no more. Lord give me power! He cried. I jumped off of the deacon whose head I ripped off on the floor of the shed. That one without a face was a humming the songs about God and looking at me like he wanted to kill.

37:02I ran back over to the moor and a climbed up on the workbench. I snatched up two hammers that were sitting next to my dirty little girl feet. The deacon charged me. Satan! Leave this innocent child! He growled. I growled at him and he swung that mad at his and missed me again because I jumped like a bullfrog. It was about then that it became clear that I had some type of superhero powers. Well, through myself with him and grabbed on to that neck of his, dragging him down to the dirt floor. Please God! Give me the power to fight the evil stuff! He didn't say another word on the count of me smashing his mouth with the front of one of them hammers. I started laughing again as I didn't teeth the head started jumping around my popcorn on hot stove. I got up and danced around him doing the dosi dough while he tried to grab that bad his again. I took that other hammer and started using the claw side to hack away his throat.

38:04He was choking and it sounded kind of like he was girdling with bacon soda. I smacked that hammer into the bottom of that chin of his and then danced back around behind his head and ripped that jaw of his clean office head. Her paws still crying. If he knew it was good for him, he'd just count the seconds alive that he had left and enjoyed the show. I was done with the second deacon and dug both of them hammers into both sides of his forehead. I wasn't counting but I must have smashed into that skull his ten times. I tried to shake his hand but he just dragged them claws further and further into his skull. He picked up his jaw and his teeth and jung and then he tried his darned to speak. I grabbed on to that tongue of his that was dangling like a dick on sex night. Stamped on what was left of his throat pulled it right out. I threw it over at Paul, letting him know that he was next. More static came through on the jumebug. Country, God damn it, abort!

39:07Do not engage! Turn your camera back on! I ain't going back to them caverns, Mr. Hooper. That second Yankee deacon started to sputter out like a truck right now to gas so I stood up over him and started running piss out of my new girl parts all over that chest of his. Fuck you deacon. There ain't no God to help you now. You go until that to Mr. Phillips. I never did lack no cheers. He weren't talking no more so instead of going on about the devil and what not, I pulled them hammers out of his head. The second hammer was buried pretty deep but not jimmied at loose. I looked Paul straight in the face as I smashed both claws down next between them eyes of his with all my little girl superhero power might. I cracked that head of his open length grand canyon as eyes mustered out of him sockets and landed next to that pilot teeth and

40:08that jaw hiss. The hammer flew out of my hands to both sides of that shed and it dug my face into the bowl I made out of his head. I had tasted varmant brain before but I never did try human brain until that day. Hadn't eaten nothing all those years in the caverns and it weren't as good as our members' steak band but it were delicious on that day. Country what the fuck is going on up there? I can't lock your location. I need to bring you back now. You don't want to be trapped up there. A sniffed around like a coon hand to let Paul know that I was hunting and he was curled up in the corner with that shotgun hands across his lap. Why are you crying Paul? I asked him and watched some of them brains off my face. All sorts of goo and muck dripped down the front of that dress of mine and the head of that first deacon was between us. I picked it up by the hair and rolled it like a bowling ball over to Paul. Please fire that.

41:12They went bird and tried to hide behind them hands of his. Please Lord, please save my violent. More static came through that June bug with a good and here no more Mr. Hooper. I stubbed my toe into one of them circular saw tables on my way to go play with Paul and a blade fell near a little girl foot of mine. Paul put his hands together like he was praying. Please God, please God, please to spell this demon from my sweet violet. I bent over in that little girl grass and picked up that saw blade. One of them edges cut into my finger. I'll lick my little girl blood and spitted it Paul. I need to still cry and it made me life. Country turned your camera back on. Before I knew it, I was standing over Paul. He stopped praying and looked up at me. Violet, it's Paul. Please come back to me.

42:19I raised up that saw blade and buried it into that spot between little girl's devil finger and ring finger. Mr. Hooper was right and it felt worse than getting that hand to her is stuck in a woodchipper. I pressed it down as far as it would go, cracking and breaking bones in that top of that little girl hand. Then, when I finally buried it all the way down to my little wrist, I bent them little legs and started shitting on Paul's coveralls. Paul stopped crying and I grabbed his hand till that Yankee Phillips that the south will rise again. I pulled Paul's arm out and right as he started shrieking I used my new saw hand to chop off that arm. I kept shitting as I stood on top of him. He laid down, taking in his own dirty defeat. Then, I just beat his face in with his own arm. That wasn't killing him so I took to the saw hand.

43:21I just started pulling him apart like a dog with a rag doll. Arms, then legs, then dick, then balls. He was choking on vomit and blood and whatever else so I helped him out and shoved his fingers from the dead arm into his mouth. Still laughing and shitting I kind of just started cutting holes in his face. After I got tired of that I totally saw his head right down the dead center. There was blood going everywhere in the shed like someone in China maybe he got into the side of a swimming pole. A dug-in to his brain and ate away. My second non-verbin brain was better than the first one. Tasted every bit as good as the squirrel. Well think, more static came through on that june bug. I've got you. You're coming back country you stupid fucking redneck. I opened my real eyes and the white trough started draining water like a bathtub. The cigarette case lid opened up just like a closed. Mr. Hooper ran over and

44:27smacked the side of the trough. What in the fuck did you do? I shook the vacation, sweating out of my head and grabbed on to the side of that trough. Maybe I'm a little bit more rock and roll than you was thinking. I threw that man to his up and down like he was waving down a fire in morn. What the fuck does that mean? I pulled my body up from the long chair and threw my leg over the side of the trough. Well you said that I was a little bit country and I said I was a little bit rock and roll. Is that a joke? Is that a fucking joke? He cursed. How do you even fucking remember that? I don't know. I told him. I was just playing the sport like you told me to. He stomped over to that light bright typewriter and punched a few of them keys. Jesus country I told you not to kill anyone. What did the fuck was that?

45:27Why you so fucking stupid that you took the sports reference literally? It's apt on that june bug in his ear. He waited a bit. He pushed some more buttons than he looked back at me. You killed two of God's servants, an innocent man. The girl is dead for sure. You shoved a fucking saw blade straight through her hand down to her wrist. It's too late to send the cleanup crew. That tool shed is swarming with angels. They was trying to get me. I told them. They threw a big bunch of papers across the room at me. You know that this means I have to go back down to the caverns right? Looks like it's a thousand years of me sucking the ITs dick and pussy again. Fuck. Well, I didn't mean to get you in no trouble. His face went wide like you just saw general Lee's ghost. He left at that fat old finger her hair and put it to his lips and he wanted me to shut up.

46:30I grabbed at the water bottle and it was full again. He tapped at the june bug on his ear. Hello, Phillips. I wasn't up there for very long but I knew that breeze sure fell in good. Let's echo that june bug in my ear on the belly. The arms pumped in and out like water pumped well. Maybe that june bug didn't have to stay on my ear after all. Mr. Hooper fell back in that seat of his and laid back on it like it was a rock and chair on a porch. His belly stuck out and popped one of their buttons on that shirt of his. He didn't even know. Yes, Phillips, I'm quite aware of what happened. He let out a big gasping. Listen to his june bug. I drank some more water. Yes, Phillips, I get it. Well, it was your job to process him. I'm just supposed to handle him. I flipped on that switch on the side of my june bug and looked at Mr. Hooper and then at the

47:32glass TV on top of that desk he is. It was a TV camera reckoned. Of course, I know that I am the one who took the bet. He started yammering on again. I know he wasn't ready. You scumbag. You took advantage of me, Phillips. Phillips? Phillips? And then I saw him tickle the belly on that june bug in his ear and flipped the switch up and down three times. The bug's legs came off from round his ear and he threw it across the room. That was right. It did come off. I started walking over to where he threw it to get it from him. When I started bending over, he started screaming. You fucking idiot. Don't bother with that. I won't need that where I'm going. When I touched his june bug, it crawled away so I didn't bother with it no more. Where are you going? No, we have more games to play. Unfortunately, for me, I'm going back to the caverns for Lord only knows how long. They started crying. Phillips is going to be on new handler.

48:39Mr. Hooper, I didn't mean no harm. I told him I was just doing what felt right. He walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. I get it, country. You didn't know. It was my mistake. I should never have explained the job to you the way I did. More so, I should never have sent you on a mission without any training. Then, out of nowhere, a bunch of red sirens started flashing all around the room. They weren't there before, I don't think. What the hell now? Mr. Hooper yelled as he wiped on him and tears off his fat face. He started running after the june bug, but it was too fast for him. Help me, country. I need to get this. I ran over by him and chased the june bug across the floor up and down the walls until we finally cornered it by the trough. Don't break a country I need it. I put my hands down and cupped them together. The june bug with all his hundreds of legs crawled right into my fingers like a cradle. I slowly got up and

49:43put out my hands. I suppose it was least I could do for poor old Mr. Hooper. They plucked that little fella up on a few of its legs and put it over his ear. He tapped on the side. Philips, what now? Cobraid 559A? Not possible. He walked back to that light bright typewriter and pushed a few buttons. Some stuff happened on that window glass TV. Not going to happen Philips. They turned a dial on the side of the desk. I had to stand that was sure it's staffed. He just killed four people. There is no way I'm going to send him up again. He put those hands of his and pushed them downward. I'll ask him. I took a drink of that water bottle. What's all these lights, Mr. Hooper? He tapped the new bug. We have a situation. A big situation. A code read 559A to be exact.

50:46I don't know what all that means. I can fast. It means that God and his team, I mean associates, are about to take down one of our most precious hosts. They are apparently angry about what happened earlier. You mean with me? Yes, country, with you. Well, I asked him. What can we do? Philips wants to send you back into this host to fight off God's associates. I told him I'd ask you. I tickled that June bug on my ear. It was my chance. If Mr. Hooper was going back to the caverns, and so was I. I'm not sure I didn't have a whole lot of interest in sucking no IT's dick. I'll do it. I swear I won't kill nobody this time. He let out a giant gas there. Maybe we don't have to go back to the caverns. Get in the pod and prepare for transfer.

51:47They met the trough. Long date is I was told. He tapped on his June bug. Philips will do it. You have to promise me though that if we do succeed in protecting the asset, that you will stand up for me. Mr. Hooper snapped his finger at the trough and then started tapping away at the light bright tut, router. Get in. He told me. Thank you Philips. He said, I know we haven't fixed the situation yet, but thank you. He tapped on his June bug and walked over next to me. They are going to let us do it, country. Sweet Jesus. Sweet Jesus. I said too. He bent down about the same time that lone chair started dropping into that trough. The gravy started coming up around me again. What are the rules, country? Please listen to me this time. No killing, no one. And he tapped on my June bug. And don't take this off or turn her off.

52:52He put up his hand like he was saluting me. Thank you for serving the IT soldier. I saluted him back. Figured it was the right thing to do. The cigarette case lid started to fold over me and the gravy filled up the trough. There was no way that I was going back to them caverns ever again. I opened my eyes. That was in bed. I reached in between my legs like I had before. There was no man parts there, but their share was blood all over that little girl's legs. I looked at my fingers. They were a little girl fingers. There was a song playing on a record player in the room. I recognized it. That song was called a little bit country, a little bit rock and roll. I always liked that song. I think that was my favorite song. Nurtie Old Fan was blowing cold air at me from a nightstand. I heard cricket chirping out

53:55sound of the window. Attacked on the June bug. Mr. Hooper, can you hear me? Yes, no turn on the camera. I got up out of that bed and looked down the window. That's all a nice farm outside in the Rusty Old Swingset. I knew that swing set. Was it mine? I took a sip of a glass of water next to that fan. Two hound dogs ran by chasing the squirrel. All them years in the cavern made me forget how much I loved being alive. I wanted to be alive again. I don't think that I'm going to turn on that camera, Mr. Hooper. I'm a whispered. What are you talking about country? Turn on the camera. We have to protect the asset. We had a deal. I started rubbing on the June bug just like Mr. Hooper had before. No, we didn't have no deal. You had a deal with Mr. Phillips in that IT. God damn you country.

54:56You can't do this to me. You're signed a contract. That's where you're wrong. I'll never sign nothing and nothing has been processed. You said it yourself. I clicked the switch on the June bug up and down three times and it started coming loose from my ear. I want to be alive again, Mr. Hooper. I don't ever want to go back to them caverns. Don't do this country. You can't do this to me. The June bug jumped off my ear onto the floor and I didn't hear nothing in my ear no more. I'm more free man. Free to be back on the earth. Listen into my favorite song and feel in the breeze from a hot summer night. I got out of the bed and started stomping away at the June bug with a bare foot to the beat of that song by Donnie and Marie that I remembered loving so much. It clicked and fizzed and sparked. Finally, it was all out of juice.

55:56I walked across my new room and picked up a little ragdoll. I took it back to bed with me. It wasn't as good as feeling a woman next to being dead but it was better than hell. It was better than them caverns and it was better than taking orders from fat old Mr. Hooper. Just before I started to fall asleep in my new life, my great new life, the door to the bedroom creaked open a little bed and light shunned in from the hall. A man came into the room and made his way over to that new bed next to me. He sat down. It was me. Recognize yourself deacon fuch. I started blinking and huffing. I tried talking back to Mr. Hooper's voice in my head but no words were coming out of that little girl's mouth. How can you talk to me? I asked him a mind. I'll come on, Johnny. Do you really think that hell isn't the business of giving people promotions, incending them to earth for vacations?

57:03I don't understand, sir. Please bring me back now. I'll get yelling but nothing was coming out. The man, me, started running his wet hands through that little girl's hair mine with one of his bare hands and then he started rubbing up inside my bloody girl parts. There is no back. There are no agents. There are no handlers. There is no Phillips. Our job is to punish people for their sins. It is hell, after all. Then it all came back to me as quick as Mama Bird bringing food back to her nest. I was deacon, Johnny Fuch. I had my way with the little girls on my flock. I raped them. I beat them. I told them that I could read their bodies of the devil's evil. The little girl I

58:13was in killed her. Her mom and Pa told me that she had the devil in her own account as she was bleeding out of her body and carrying on. I'll buried her little body under their swings and outside of that window. I can't really say it was a pleasure getting to know you and then just as my head went quiet again. The other me pushed my little girl head into that pillow on that bed. The little girl tried to scream. I tried to scream. Nobody heard nothing. About unbuckled for the first time in what would be a zillion more forever. I felt my own pain is going. So that little girl is those wet bloody hands wrapped around that little girl's throat.

59:14Welcome to your eternity, Deacon Fuch.