851. The Visibility Wound: Why Powerful Women Still Play Small

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1:00Hello and welcome to almost 30 podcasts. My name is Crystal Williams and I'm excited you're here. I truly, mentally, deeply believe that. If you just heard of me out in the background, we have a guest and her name is Fuji and that's my cat. So just so you know, we are cat animal friendly here at almost 30. We love all sentient beings. If you're new to almost 30, it's not usually me and my cat. It's usually my best friend and co is Lindsey Simpson doing the show. We've been doing this for 10 years, which is insane. We were OGs in the podcast space. We started on our closet floors. We talk about spirituality, self development, relationships, aliens. We've talked about so much over the years and really the show is a place to explore things with curiosity and play and levity and fun and it's been a place that truly has been

2:01my diary and has seen me grow over the past 10 years, which is so crazy. I was having this weird moment the other day where I was thinking about how almost 30 is almost like a museum or like a photo book for me of the different chapters in my life. And oftentimes I'll have people in the audience say like it's been so good to see you grow and I've loved seeing you grow and change and I'm like, you know, when you're in your own experience, you don't necessarily clock how you've changed or evolved or grown over the years. You're not necessarily, you know, seeing the winds or seeing the lows or seeing all the evolution that you do. And I think for a lot of people, including yourselves, I'm sure you're not seeing how much you change and grow on a yearly basis. You might be able to clock it at times, but you don't just process it. But the almost 30 community has seen me change quite a bit over the years and it's been a space where I've been able to be really honest about my process. So thank you for being in that.

3:01And what we like to do here at almost 30 is do solo episodes. I love sitting down with you, having a conversation, us chatting. And this one I want to talk about visibility. I want to talk about you being seen and hurt. And the reason why I want to talk about visibility and you being seen and heard is because I have over the years working with women deeply through my one-on-one work or at my retreats or on tour or meeting y'all in person have seen that you guys are so incredible. You're so dialed. You're so empathetic. You're so powerful. You're so knowledgeable. And yet so many of y'all have visibility wounds. And these visibility wounds keep you from showing up in the world and keep you from doing what your soul came here to do. You were made to be on stage. You were made to be someone that teaches other people, that leads other people, that heals other people, that is a force and a guiding light.

4:04And I know if you listen to almost 30, you are one of the chosen ones, you are one of the people that is really meant to heal and really meant to lead and to guide. And I know this because I've seen it over the many years of doing this work, that there are people that come here with a mission to be seen and to be heard. For me, what's been so interesting is there's so many layers to visibility. And I remember in our process of starting almost 30 and starting the show and becoming more visible and now having a different relationship with it, there was so much healing that I had to do to be safe and to feel safe, holding in my body and in my nervous system what visibility meant and what visibility was. And when I talk about visibility, it's not just talking about social media, it's not just talking about branding, it's actually about soul visibility. There's elements of visibility that obviously relate to your work and your purpose and what you came here to do. But really, I'm talking about your soul being visible, you being so authentically yourself that you magnetize the right people, the right opportunities, the right places, the

5:07right relationships and that soul visibility and you being visible to the world and you being enough in yourself and your experience and you really having the ability to hold eyes, to hold energy, to hold attention is what soul visibility is. And there is a part of you that came here to be expressed. There's a part of your soul that came here to be expressed. What's so amazing about the creator is that the creator created you for a reason. The creator created you to experience some beautiful aspect of the world and life. Whether that's play or joy or depth or devotion, creativity, whatever that is is so unique to the essence of you. And that is what you came here to do and your visibility journey is to be seen and heard and be so soulfully expressed because your soul didn't come here to hide. It did not come here to hide. It came here to be experienced through you. Your soul came to earth. Your soul would not have come to earth otherwise.

6:08Your soul came to earth to be experienced through you as a human and it is time to stop hiding. It is time to stop letting other people get the spotlight, get the stage, get everything that they want because they're okay being visible. As someone that's been an empath my whole life and I used to hate the word empath. I was like, yeah, empath, but now I've just accepted it that I'm highly sensitive. I'm someone that's very in tune, hyper vigilant would just dissolve into other people's experiences. I used to get so upset because I felt like all the narcissists and everyone that didn't deserve the limelight would get the stage. I would be at events or when I was working in the corporate world, I'd be in meetings and I'd be like, dude, why is Eric always talking? Like he doesn't say anything. He's not adding to this and I'd be so triggered by people that were okay being visible. I was so triggered by people taking up space.

7:10I was like, why are they taking up space? They don't even matter. They're not even in integrity. They're da-da-da-da. I would just go on because I felt like they didn't deserve the spotlight. That's not my place to judge or say if they do or not. What that was showing me is that I wanted to have my time to shine. I wanted to have my time in the spotlight. How do you know that you are ready to step into the spotlight, that you are ready to take up more space, that you are ready to be more visible? One, you're probably getting triggered by other people who are taking up space and being visible. If that is you right now and you find yourself judging people on Instagram, judging people that speak on stages, judging people that are going viral, judging people that are posting all the time, judging your friends because they're doing the thing, you are probably someone that wants to be seen and wants to be hurt. Now the difference between everyone else and you is that you are going to take this knowledge of this trigger and you are going to alchemize it for your learning. You are going to say, oh girl, that does not feel good to know or hear.

8:15It doesn't feel good to know that you're being triggered and you're judging people and you're just sitting in your house just like, who does she think she is? She thinks she knows everything and she doesn't deserve it. What you're going to do now is you're going to watch that part of you and you're going to recognize that you want that too. You want visibility, you want to be seen and you want it to be easy. So that trigger, you're going to see as information for the truth of your soul and what it came here to do. So for me, my triggers, narcissists take up space, narcissists get attention. That doesn't deserve it, always gets the stage and I was like, seething. And you know what else I was doing in that? And what you could potentially be doing there when you're judging other people that are being seen and being visible is you're also giving yourself an excuse. Oh, she's seen invisible because she puts all of her life on social media and she shares everything and she's exploiting this and she's talking about that and she's using

9:16chat GPT or she's doing all this stuff. Your judgments about other people are giving yourself an excuse to not do the thing. So for me, when I was like the people that are visible are narcissists, you know, they love taking up space, they don't even have anything interesting to say. So I'm telling myself that if I start to take up space, I'm a narcissist. And if I start to be seen and heard and be visible, I'm doing it for the wrong reasons that I'm doing it just to take up space and that I have to be a narcissist to succeed. So it's so important as the second thing, noticing when you're triggered by people taking up space and then second, looking at what the judgment you have around it because you're going to have to work on that when you are trying to be more visible. You're going to have to tell yourself, it is not narcissistic for me to take up space. It does not mean I'm selfish.

10:18I was talking to a client last night who has the goal next year to become a clear and confident speaker to become a seen and heard founder of her company. And she said, you know, but I feel like if I'm talking too much and I'm, you know, telling people stories that it's selfish and I'm like, y'all, we have to look at the stories we tell ourselves. There are parts of us that are frozen in time that are trying to tell us that you taking up space or you telling a story means you're selfish. Like no, like you taking up space and being seen and heard is not selfish. It is not narcissistic. It is you doing what your soul came here to do. That is the one thing I really want you guys to get before we go into the archetypes of the wounds that can cause your visibility wounds is that you are just delaying your destiny. When I finally really settled in to my body and my nervous system, the truth that I am

11:20so powerful and that doesn't mean that anyone else is less powerful, more powerful, that I just the truth of my essence is so powerful and that I came here to be seen and heard and that is just the baseline truth that is the baseline reality. I can't do anything about that. There's actually no reality where I'm not powerful and seen and heard. That's my baseline reality. I defined my reality as that. Then I was like, oh, now I just got to figure out how to do that and now I got to figure out what that looks like for me to be seen and heard and now I got to figure out what it is that I want to say when I'm being seen and heard. So if you really want to work on understanding that you are safe to be visible, that you are here to do big things, you need to define as your reality. Like literally it is my reality that I'm powerful and I'm meant to be seen and heard. That's also just a really powerful manifestation tactic to just be like, it is my reality that

12:23I am seen and heard. That's what we're talking about when we're being delusional. You are delusional mentioning what is your reality and the only reality you're except. But it's true. So many of you are people that are here to do big things. You're here in service. You're here to help this planet. You are a group of souls that came in at a very specific time with a very specific medicine with very specific gifts that knows very specific things that's been led divinely on your path that is very guided, that is here to help humanity and your voice and your visibility is essential in that process. So when we can heal these wounds, when we can have you feel safe in your body and feel fully in-sourced, when you're being seen, the better. When we suppress our voice, when we suppress our expression, when we suppress our truth, that energy doesn't disappear. So energy is neither created nor destroyed. That's one of my original quotes and one of my original learnings, if you guys remember.

13:26And if that energy, it doesn't disappear. It goes in your chest. It goes in your heart. It goes in your throat. It goes in your belly. So many people have energy stuck in their body because they're suppressing their truth. They're suppressing their voice. They're suppressing their expression for so many reasons. Energy wounds can often show up as anxiety, as tightness, as stomach aches, as feeling disconnected from your purpose. And that sort of feeling can make us feel lost, can make us feel hopeless, can make us feel like there's no real point. And so when we heal visibility wounds, we actually heal our physical body, our mental body, and our emotional body. And many of us had childhoods where we weren't safe to be visible. We weren't safe to be seen. I know for myself, I'll talk a little bit about within our archetypes, kind of the ones I really resonate with, but visibility to me felt dangerous. I grew up with a covert narcissist.

14:26And so with a covert narcissist, there's a lot of comparison. And so it was one of those experiences where I was compared to a lot, you know, like, oh, you look like this. I look like this. You weigh this. I weigh this. You know, I had a situation where I had a parent come up to me recently, even. And they were like, oh, you look so good. And I look so horrible. And it's so embarrassing because I feel so embarrassed to go out because I look so bad and you look so good. And where someone that's unhealed, maybe like, oh, they're being nice. It's no, they are comparing themselves to you and appropriately because they're a parent and you're a child. They're centering themselves and cutting themselves down and talking negatively about themselves. All sort of pedestalizing you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable because you feel like you're doing something wrong. So I had so often, when I was visible, it was like I was doing something wrong because I was making other people feel small and I was hurting other people.

15:30But then I also had this encouragement to be visible because it made my parents look good. So the more visible I was, my parents could use it to be like, this is good. We're getting attention because she is getting attention. But it's also hurting my parents' feelings. So growing up with covert narcissism and if, whether or narcissism flavor you potentially grew up with will definitely be giving you visibility wounds. So I had this experience and you guys might have this too where it's not enough and it's too much. So either I'm going in places and I'm way too much, I'm too bright, I'm too shiny, I'm too sparkly, or I'm not enough. I am not smart enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not, you know, accredited enough. It would be either or like either I'm the best in the room or I'm the worst in the room. And I would sort of never find myself in the middle and feel comfortable because the healthy experience with visibility is to be like, I'm completely comfortable in my experience being completely seen and I'm completely comfortable with others being seen.

16:36You guys, as the days get longer and warmer, which I am loving, I am leaning more into my strength training game, yeah, me, and I've been loving it. And you all know we don't build muscle without protein and I'm getting my like typical proteins, but I also love bread and I'm not giving it up. That's where hero bread comes in, I'm all about easy satisfying meals that fit my macros if you will. You know, I'm not counting them, but I'm just being mindful of getting my proteins and all the things. So I love that I can enjoy comfort food favorites like grab and go breakfast bagels and veggie packed lunch wraps without worrying about my fiber or protein goals. I recently tried their hero noodles as well and was totally blown away. They have 12 grams of protein and only 80 calories per serving plus 11 to 32 grams of fiber depending on the product. Fiber is so important. I actually had a blood test six months ago that just gave me all the indication I needed more fiber. So this has really been a part of, you know, what's been helping me.

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19:44visa credit card, and my pay line of credit provided by the bank or stride bank NA. My pay eligibility requirements apply and credit limit ranges $20 to $500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com slash fees info, advertised annual percentage yield with chime plus status only. Otherwise 1.00% APY applies. And balance required. Chime card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms. Just a quick story on that so you can kind of understand what that looks like to be comfortable with yourself and your light and to be comfortable with others. So I was at a panel recently at a women's conference and I was on stage with five other women I think four, I was on stage with four other women. The other woman was like my inner critic. So I was on stage with four women. The one that was interviewing us and then myself, I was on stage with you guys, it was my parts were there. I was on stage with three other women, okay. So I was on stage with the interviewer myself and then two others. And when you're on a panel, it's very interesting because you're working with other energies. So oftentimes you're finding out where your place in space is, where you're helpful,

20:48where you're different, where your voice is unique. So each panel is very unique and different because there's kind of this like calibration of energy, of experience, of power that happens. And this is a really prime place for people's comparison, competition, visibility wounds to come up because you're lit to really being compared to in the audience. Like the audience is like, I like her, I don't like her, she's good, she's not good. Like the audience is like, do I like you or not within seconds? And so it's really like a comparison game. It's kind of a primal experience that our brains will just see a group of panelists on stage and be like, I like them, I don't like them, they were good, they were not good. Like it's very, it's just a part of it. So when you're doing panels, you really have to be in your own. So I'm on stage with these really powerful women and, you know, one of them on my right was just an incredible like, she just had a lot of power and force. Like she was like, you should not give up, you know, type of thing. She's like, you should not give up like very like, very in her power, very in her like

21:49clarity, very in her direction. And then the woman next to me was a really good storyteller. She was really, really vulnerable and she was a really, really good storyteller. So I'm in between these women on stage, I think there's a thousand people in the audience and we're talking in the, you know, the powerful one, woo, you know, you're sitting next to a powerful woman and you're like, okay, like should I be more powerful, should I really, because a powerful woman will move the room. That's what she was doing. And she's being in her powerful moment and then the storytellers really going to grab the room and like have them on the journey of the story. And so I'm in the middle and I'm really kind of, woo, I'm really taken for a second. That part of me that gets really scared and is like, I'm not enough comes through. And she's like, oh, I'm not enough, you know, I didn't do a good job storytelling. I was in powerful enough. And that part would have been the part of me that's like, I'm not safe with other people being seen. I am not safe with these women being more visible than me. But what happened instead of me leaning into that instead of me giving up instead of

22:50me just like being like, oh, my God, you know, having shadow about it. Another part of me came forward that was like, what is my authentic code and expression here with being seen and being hurt? And so in that moment, I thought to myself, my gifts are humor and authenticity. So where these women, I'm not saying they don't have that, but they have these specific codes for them as speakers. And I have specific codes for me in being visible and seen, which is humor and authenticity. And my job is to celebrate them in their power and to celebrate myself and my own because it is unique. So when you have healed your visibility wounds and you're in your power, even in moments where it feels a little wobbly, you know, I'm not perfect. I dropped back into the truth that I am seen and heard because I'm authentically me. And that means I am authentic and I use humor in my speech. Now just a little note on that, I'm doing a mastermind for a small group of entrepreneurs

23:54and we're going to be working on stuff like that specifically, like what are your unique expression codes for you as a speaker and teacher that you can really lean on? So if you, you know, that's going to be happening in the mastermind. But being able to hold in that moment, both experiences of like, ooh, this could have been where I landed. I'm like, oh my gosh, like it is not safe for me to be around women that are being seen and then rising to it is completely safe for them to be in their power and for me to be in my power. Visibility wounds will bring up so much for you, especially as it relates to other women. And I think for me, growing up with the covert narcissist, it's been a lot of that, you know, like how can I work with being safe to be seen with other women when they're not criticizing me or whether they're not having comparison to me? What is visibility energetically? Like what is visibility? Visibility is your life force energy moving outward. It is your essence, it is your life force energy moving out of you.

24:54It is this unique expression of something that comes from deep within that we cannot explain. That is the perfect culmination of your experiences, your voice, your stories, your lessons, your friends, your unique texture, your unique voice, like it is creative energy and motion. It is this really beautiful special thing. And when you can feel more obsessed with the creative energy and motion, then the reaction of the audience or the room or the date or the, you know, zoom meeting people. The more truthful and authentic you'll be in your expression, the more aligned you'll be to your purpose and the more enjoyable visibility will be. I did some work with someone that writes Ted Talks and he writes books on Ted Talks on speaking and because one of my goals in life is just be an incredible, incredible order.

25:55And he talked about one of the important parts of being a good speaker and this is another little tip is to be so obsessed with what you have to say more so than what the audience wants to hear. And the most powerful speakers are really concerned first with their experience rather than the audience. So you are just so enthralled in your story and your experience in what you have to teach that it actually creates this experience where the audience then becomes so obsessed and interested and excited. You guys have probably had experiences where you've been with someone that's an amazing storyteller and they're sitting there telling you a story about the time they went like to Taco Bell at 2 a.m. and they only got two burritos instead of three true story one time when I was in Ohio that happened and you're like oh my god and then what. And then did you go back to talk about like you're just like what? And the story is so silly and doesn't matter like people could be that are so enthralled

26:57and that's why narcissists usually have a lot of attention and get a lot of recognition because they're so enthralled and obsessed that it actually calls forward people to be enthralled and obsessed too because energetically you're like what's going on here this whatever this person thinks that seems interesting and oftentimes we are so unconscious with our thoughts that we will attach and entrain to other people's thoughts. So this narcissist has a conscious thought of I'm amazing this is interesting to me and then we'll just be like unconscious and we're like whoa and we'll just be like wow what's going on over there wow that's interesting and we'll think that that's interesting. So when you can be in the experience of your visibility feeling safe and feeling okay and experiencing this creative energy and motion there's really really nothing like it and every time you silence yourself to keep the peace to stay small to make everyone like you you stop this energy current you stop yourself and this energy in your body from moving and you

27:57deny yourself the opportunity to not only commune with God and creativity but like to be seen by people and to be really heard by people and that's the thing about being seen and heard and having visibility is it's not just you on Instagram creating viral reels it's also you and your soul being seen by another this work of visibility doesn't just go again with social media it goes with soulful relationships and you really being dropped into this experience that you have in this voice that you have within you that needs to come out that deserves to come out so sometimes this stagnation and this loss of confidence and this inability to speak in the visibility room can often feel like depression confusion lack of direction you can feel really stuck in life you can feel unseen in rooms of people visibility and purpose actually requires energetic circulation between yourself between God and between others and your gifts are

29:01activated through expression visibility wounds are formed early much like many wounds visibility wounds are formed early in life and many of you have done work on tracking this and sort of you know understanding this but I think it's really important that we kind of talk about this because if we want to understand how to heal things we really have to understand where they came and if you are feeling like you want to be seen you want to be heard you want to be in your fullest expression in your purpose and you're not and you're uncomfortable and thinking of being on stage or being seen or being fully heard or being understood or being fully seen in a relationship you need to heal your visibility wounds visibility wounds come from moments where you realize that being seen or being more visible wasn't safe so maybe you were dancing in the kitchen and your parents told you like stop doing that you know go back to your room maybe you were crying and emotional and you got shunned for it maybe you had a moment where something really good happened to you you got

30:05an award and then someone made fun of you maybe you had a year where you blossomed and you became really beautiful and everyone started to hate you maybe you were the class clown and you got in trouble for it maybe you were someone that you know was really popular and then people turned on you and betrayed you maybe you wanted to be seen and you felt like you never were so you felt this resentment and this anger because you felt like there was this aspect of you that could not get out visibility wounds are literally everywhere and usually they come through parents or caregivers that were emotionally unstable check check or emotionally unavailable they come from being praised for achievement but not essence so the things that you do not who you are which is for so many of us true from being criticized corrected or shamed for expression so that could be sexual expression energetic expression emotional expression like vocal expression there's so many ways that we've

31:06been criticized for it it's crazy being told to be quiet polite agreeable or small this is a lot of the wound of the feminine a lot of these are feminine wounds if you guys aren't picking up on when I'm throwing down being told to be quiet polite agreeable or small oftentimes when I work with my girlies and metamorphosis goodness I'm trying to decide if I want to go down this rabbit hole but let's just go a little bit down okay a lot of my girls in metamorphosis which is my body transformation program have visibility wounds because their mom wanted them to be smaller or more thin and so then they think that they cannot be seen or heard until they're thin or they're small and so their desire to be thin actually is detrimental to their desire to be visible if you and your head and you're so conscious minor like I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to lose weight I need to lose weight what about that is going to be like I should be on stage in front of people taking up space if your subconscious is littered and fed with messages about

32:07you needing to be thinner or smaller and then in your conscious mind you want to take up more space that's not going to work it's not going to work you cannot take up space while on the other side trying to starve yourself energetically you can't take in a lot of energy from other people while starving yourself energetically a lot of times people have visibility wounds if they are printified because then you know they had to take on their parents emotions they never really figured out their own emotions this is the biggest one I think if you were bullied if you were excluded if you were misunderstood you most likely have visibility wounds I think a lot of visibility wounds come from childhood I think a lot of them come from high school high school and seventh and eighth grade eighth grade worst year of my life come at me it dude worst year of my life that year and then freshman year of college worst years of my life I should look at that astrological it was happening but just like so painful and we learn so much and our brain is so

33:08impressionable during that time so so many people bullied and have those old wounds that they're carrying around them that tell them that it's not safe to be visible one of my favorite snacks and favorite breakfast and favorite things to have on the go is a protein shake from Kachaba I love the variety of their protein flavors strawberry has been such it's so good for me I we've always been chocolate vanilla boring now I'm having strawberry shakes all the time it is so hearty and blends really well has so many of the things that I need and I've just really loved having it in my pantry they have a new flavor that I'm obsessed with their coffee flavor premium decaffeinated Brazilian beans in it usually I have a little slump in the middle of the afternoon I need a little pick me up I need some nourishment and the coffee's been great because I don't know my brain just says oh it's a coffee it's delicious this is a all in one very clean high quality shake super super

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35:12maybe just some changes in your physical appearance and you're like wait is this just how it goes right now healthy aging is something I care deeply deeply about I think ever since becoming a parent I'm like I want to feel as good as possible for as long as possible and I've spent a lot of time trying to get ahead of it instead of reacting to it that's why I am so excited about C-15 from fatty-15 it's the first emerging essential fatty acid to be discovered in more than 90 years it was actually discovered by co-founder dr. Stephanie ven Watson while working with the US Navy to improve the health of older dolphins that's right dolphins which is really incredible based on over a hundred studies we now know that C-15 strengthens our cells and helps slow aging at the cellular level this is what I'm interested in let's get to this cellular level of everything when our cells don't have enough C-15 they can become fragile and age faster and as many as one in three people may have lower levels so I've been taking fatty-15 consistently and I love that it feels

36:15like I'm supporting my long-term health in a foundational way it's vegan friendly 100% pure C-15 and even comes in a gorgeous reusable glass jar fatty-15 is on a mission to optimize your C-15 levels to help support your long-term health and wellness especially as you age you can get an additional 15% off their 90 day subscription starter kit by going to fatty-15.com slash almost 30 and using the code almost 30 at checkout again that's fatty-15.com slash almost 30 use the code almost 30 at checkout you also could have a lot of chaos in your childhood where then you understood that being invisible means you were safe so if everything was crazy at home and you're like whoa I don't even know what to do you're like I know hiding or being visible makes me safe I knew that for me completely exiting my own experience and my own inner world and my own body was safe so I would hyper attune go in people's minds I would just be fully immersed in

37:20their experience and they're psyche and all that to get safety and to get connection when this happened when you had these things happen your nervous system made a very simple decision that said that it is safer to hide parts of myself this wasn't conscious your nervous system said it is safe for me to hide myself I should hide myself to be safe and then that decision becomes embodied and wired in our system where we're like okay now I believe that it is literally unsafe for me from a nervous system perspective to be seen this is why too when you go on stage when you put a podcast mic in front of your mouth when you have to give a toast at a wedding when you have to give a speech when you have to say something hard when you have to present at work your body goes into fight or flight because your body has literally been trained over time to believe that being seen or heard is dangerous mom's going to

38:26get mad dad's going to get mad someone's going to judge me someone's going to abandon me someone's going to betray me and we're not even talking about past lifetimes here okay because there is past lifetime woundage that is unique to all of y'all that has a lot to do with this too a lot of my clients when we work through their stuff it's lifetime of their visibility wound we're also going back because there's a lot of lifetimes where visibility was not safe especially if you have witch wound especially if you're a powerful woman in a past lifetime whoo that is a tough one and you have to go back a little bit in that to heal but a lot of working with this lifetime can do a lot of it because the subconscious is sort of like the memory bank of the mind so your nervous system really is carrying the trauma and the wanting to hide and not be seen and heard into your relationships your creativity your leadership and your love and it is really really keeping you from the deepest relationships the most expressed life the most abundant business the most thriving

39:28social media everything you want is on the other side of you healing this invisibility wound I think because it's like being seen in authenticity and relationships being seen in your purpose being seen as who you are like it's like that it's like essence visibility authenticity truth like it just all comes together as one truly so there's a reason my visibility feels charged you know I was talking to the metamorphosis group this week and some of the girls were talking about how recently they had a presentation and they're like something happened to my body during that presentation where I was terrified I was sweating I was overwhelmed I wanted to run it was so scary and that is your body fighting for survival your body is like this is absolutely not okay this is absolutely not safe I need to go or something bad's going to happen so visibility does feel charged it's not just a mind-set thing when we're working with visibility we are working with the body and the nervous system so much so when I'm working with anyone on this it is a body and nervous system as well so that we

40:32can create safety in your body so that you can be fully seen and hurt so archetypes can be sort of help helpful for understanding visibility wounds I love doing archetype work with the women that I work with whether we're talking about queen lover maiden chrome like it's just really nice because archetypes hit on the collective consciousness you know young talks a lot about archetypes in the fact that it really is something that sort of can help connect all of us because we have this collective unconscious that sort of stores things like archetypes in it so when you think about the archetype of the queen it's easy we all kind of think of the same imagery and then you can kind of embody that feeling of the queen because we all tune into this shared understanding of of what the queen is so with visibility I like to work with archetypes because then we can kind of personify it work with it and heal it personification is great for the brain to heal and work with things so invisibility isn't safe these archetypes sort of develop in your mind these are protective identities that your system builds to survive they're not flaws their adaptations much like parts

41:37so we could even see this from a parts perspective you guys know I love internal family systems parts work this could be even seen from a parts perspective the first one y'all are gonna know this one this is gonna be you know so many people this is the good girl good girls stand up good girls where you at I actually don't identify as a good girl I don't think I actually I've actually been more rebel so I'm not a good girl so love you guys good girls you're my sisters but you are people that found safety in being quiet people pleasing and agreeable so you learned it is safe for me to be quiet people pleasing and agreeable visibility for you like I said earlier that client I had feels selfish okay you think if I'm taking up space I'm being selfish there that is bad of me because I'm a good girl I let everyone else take up space oh you good girls I tell you what I think my rebel part is always like good girls I don't mean to judge okay I just like I just don't

42:43know what that would even be like you know what I mean because I'm just like I think they're I'm just so active where I'm like come on so could be a good girl love you good girls the next one is the performer this is where I step in the performer needs to be caught this is so crazy the performer learns to be impressive to be loved so my performer part honey she needs to be the smartest one in the room the most well-read person in the room she needs to have something interesting and prolific to say I remember when I'd go to like workshops or retreats or trainings I'd be in women's circles and I'd be like if I am not dropping the mic okay I am not even gonna speak I need to bring these women to tears or I'm not gonna talk so I have this part of me that's like unless it's literally the most insanely impressive thing I'm not even talking and I need to be impressive to be loved so with my parents I had to be incredibly impressive to be loved visibility y'all oh my

43:49god let me just take a moment for this to honor the exhaustion visibility feels and becomes exhausting because each time you're out at a place you're like all right performer parts strap in step forward it's time to be the most impressive interesting person in the room and if not we're bad we failed so the performer performer feels exhausted and the performer has to be the most impressive person in the room so you stop yourself from being visible because you're like if it's not fucking amazing I'm not gonna do it the third one so we have good girl performer the third one is the caretaker this is can relate I think a lot of you guys are this one the caretaker learns to focus on others to avoid being seen ooh honey ooh hurts me hurts me deeply hits me hits me in a real way feel it in my gut feel my palms sweating your needs disappear I used to be so

44:52like malleable I'd be like I don't even know how to body like someone be like oh my god I love your shirt I'm like who's wearing a shirt but what I'd be like oh my god my body's here so I would so much of focus on others I had one time a good example as a story to understand the care taker a friend say she's like I love you and you're so giving and you're so loving and you so show up for people but you almost give so much that it's almost like there's an arm in front of you and you don't ever let anyone in or take care of you so you so much focus on everyone else's needs to be seen this is the nurses this is the teachers this is the healers this is people that are just codependent really focusing on everyone else's lives to get them out of their purpose I have had clients like this where I've seen them until working with me completely disregard their purpose and what they came here to do because they're prioritizing everyone else's needs over their own their team their partner their perception of their parents needs like this is freaking huge

45:55this caretaker huge one the intellectualizer is the fourth one so the intellectualizer learns to stay in the mind instead of the body baby whoo they explain instead of express you can see and understand this this part or this archetype a lot of times when you see people speak there's a lot and there's an experience that happens when someone becomes magnetic when they're speaking you're like damn I am on every freaking word of what they're saying because they feel it in their body they're telling the truth they're in congruent they're aligned you're like oh my god it's magnetic they're fully embodied in their truth and then there's someone that's like yeah so there's 300 million studies of this that go up the research ladder and if you really look closely at the longitudinal studies you're like what you're like a sleeping because they're just in the mind so they hide themselves from actually being seen because they intellectualize everything and they

46:57don't allow it to move through their body and be their creative force and their essence so the intellectualizer stays in the mind instead of the body I have one of my clients like this who's really great at her job because she's learned to be an amazing intellectualizer she knows the data she knows the research she knows the contracts and she's not in her body at all and so she explains everything and try instead of expressing it and so we have to get her in touch with her heart in the truth in her body to move energy naturally instead of just intellectualizing you are being seen by data but not by the truth okay so I have to share something that has been such a game changer for my mornings especially Paleo Valley's bone broth protein I love it in chocolate I share about it all the time this is replacing my coffee in the morning it's just so nourishing so yummy if you're like me and you care about gut health skin hair joints but you also want something that's really clean and easy this is it it's made from 100 percent grass fed bone broth and it's so simple

48:01to add into your routine I throw it in with hot water and it's delicious but I can also add it to my coffee I added to smoothies for myself and for my son it's delicious what I love is that it's not filled with junk no weird fillers no artificial ingredients just real nourishment that actually supports your body and it's gentle on digestion which for me is everything I found that what I was waking up and just having coffee first thing it was not the vibe okay and this is something that is both gentle but also giving me a ton of protein I had two scoops to like a nice big mug with hot water and sometimes I'll add a dash of milk but you don't need to because there is I believe coconut milk powder in this that is just so yummy it makes it creamy but it feels like it's one of those small upgrades that really adds up my younger self would have benefited from something like this so much in my mornings if you want to try it head to paleovalley.com slash almost 30 or use code a 30 at checkout for 15 percent off your first purchase again my favorite

49:02is the chocolate but they have other flavors that are just so delicious check it out paleovalley.com slash almost 30 or use code a 30 at checkout for 15 percent off you all know I love revolve for when I need a really cool outfit for something or even when I just want to refresh my basics I'm the basics gal but they have to be elevated they have to be fresh so I honestly don't look anywhere else but revolve it is so easy to shop on revolve it is a joy it is a pleasure and I highly recommend I recently got a few pieces I am obsessed with first of all I've just overhauled all my sweaters in my closet I just feel like I am a big girl now and I need to get really nice sweaters that don't just fall apart and so I have a bunch that I wore recently on my trip to LA with Christa and then I do have this top that I've have her a little bit now but it is from revolve it's this like off the shoulder it's so cute I'm obsessed you can search anything on revolve and it'll pop up the search engine is amazing and what I really really love it makes it so easy to shop with curated edits it's really awesome I go to the curated edits all the time for every occasion recommended for

50:06you picks are also amazing based on your style they get to know you no endless scrolling just instant inspo they have over 1200 brands and 100,000 styles think like high end labels emerging designers and all the trends you love with sizes from extra extra small to 4x new arrivals daily and fast free shipping and returns makes it easy honestly I'm already eyeing this dress that I want to get for the spring this like really long beautiful flowy dress I'm just you know I have my eyes out there for the future coming months so you can go to revolve.com slash almost 30 and then you can use our code a 30 pod for 15% off your first order that's a 30 POD to get 15% off your first order and this offer is available for a limited time so take advantage now again that is revolve.com slash almost 30 the code is a 30 POD so the fifth one is the rebel pushes visibility aggressively to protect vulnerability the strength mask softness so this is the person that's like you know always

51:11being seen at the parties always like speaking in the circles always being seen but like really isn't sharing anything and isn't actually being vulnerable they can express ideas and concepts and theories and talk about things but never share about themselves and the rebel really like doesn't want to be seen for the truth so this can be very triggering for people when you're like with someone like this because you're like okay you're very seen but I'm not seeing you and for a lot of people listening to the show you know you guys that are deep feelers and empaths and people that read energy this is a tough one because you're like you are being so loud and so obnoxious but yet you're literally hiding the truth of who you are wow do I struggle with this one because I'm just I'm reading energy I'm reading your mind I'm reading your energy seeing what's up and so if there is someone that's like this that's like not being truthful but also being loud it's very hard for me because I'm like that's double trigger you're not saying anything normal or helpful

52:15but yet you're also like hiding the truth and love them it's it's one of the archetypes that we have their strength and voice and grandiose-ness masks the truth of what they feel and the truth of who they are so they're being visible but they're not being seen for real the last one is the invisible one so the invisible one is someone that disappears entirely they feel safest by hiding completely and not being noticed so they're just like I'm out I don't want to do this I'm hiding in my room I'm gonna just prop this other person up I'm not gonna even try I'm not gonna even put my head in the ring no no no no no no no not for me not for me that's them that's them not me the invisible one and so the invisible one a lot of the work for the invisible one is to find yourself to attune to yourself to find how you actually feel what you actually want who you actually are and allow yourself to first be noticed by yourself noticing and attuning to yourself noticing who am I what do I feel what's going on with me what

53:20is my internal landscape oh okay now I have a form I'm gonna create safety in myself and then be safe to be seen by others so these archetypes let's summarize these archetypes the good girl the performer the caretaker the intellectualizer the rebel the invisible one each of these archetypes really did an amazing job of keeping you safe this is why I love parts work this is why I do it with my clients is because the archetypes are so helpful for keeping you safe each of them was helpful for me being a performer so helpful because you guys now my performer part my girl gets breaks you know when I'm with my friends and my girl performer part you can take a load off we're with the homies we can chill but performer part when I'm speaking on stage she is it's her time to shine honey so she's like girl I'm about to be so impressive I'm like okay girl let's be impressive it's time it is time it is time to shine but I'm not unconsciously having performer part

54:21lead I'm not exhausted because I choose when she is being expressed and visibility is something that I'm comfortable allowing when she's there so each archetype kept you safe whatever it is but they will limit your aliveness they will limit your ability to be in your purpose and live your life so this shows up and these limits of your archetypes these show up and you feeling called to share but freezing up you overthinking your voice and what you have to say oh my gosh I see this so much and this was me for so long I'd be like okay well if I say that I'm uncomfortable then they're going to say well that's your fault and then I'm going to say okay well that doesn't even matter and then what's the even point a lot of breaking codependency is breaking the conversation that you have assuming you know what the other person is going to say so overthinking your voice judging yourself is a huge thing that we let go in this process this also shows up with you second-guessing your intuition yeah like you not being in your visibility and healing your

55:27visibility wound is also about your intuition your intuition is telling you to say something it's telling you to go it's telling you to help people it's telling you that you're made for more and yet this visibility wound is keeping you from listening to the actual truth of your intuition you crave being seen but you hide at the same time when you have these visibility wounds yourself and your parts and the truth of you really wants to be seen but you hide at the same time this is not just about being confident this is not a confidence thing this is about your nervous system remembering the trauma or the experiences that happened to you previously and pulling upon that data to keep you safe so an example of you wanting to be seen and hide at the same time I remember being an experience with a past relationship and they didn't like when I would be really like sparkly and shiny and get a lot of attention they loved it when we first started dating but not at the end and I remember being at this event and I was like just crushing my performer part was

56:29crushing everyone was laughing I was making the jokes I mean life was good and then when I leave I get in trouble he is not pleased with the fact that I've taken up and gotten all the attention and so my nervous system was like yep can't be sparkly can't be shiny it's not safe so I wanted to be seen because I love making people laugh and sharing and expressing and just you know creating conversation and all of that but then my nervous system was taught that it is bad and I needed to hide because if I did become seen I would lose attachment and I would lose the relationship so my nervous system learned that I wanted to be seen and hide so my nervous system was like I really want to be seen because it's my truth and I also need to hide because I need to keep attachment and so a lot of people within their parents or even relational dynamics have learned this issue so when we work on healing the visibility wound kind of transitioning to talking about the healing of this wound visibility healing really is nervous system healing so you don't heal

57:33visibility by forcing confidence by like you know being like it's all good you have to bring the body and you have to create internal safety so your body has to believe it's safe to exist out loud one of my favorite practices that I do with my clients what I'm going to be doing at fully expressed and in the mastermind is to actually practice being fully seen so this is an exercise that y'all can do sitting in the comfort and safety of your home in your bed wherever is safe for you having your body feel completely safe what you're going to do is close your eyes so now that you're comfortable and you feel safe in your body and you feel like okay physically I know for a fact I'm safe you're going to close your eyes and you're going to visualize yourself and your most expressed state the dream state of your most express self whether that's on stage in front of Madison Square Garden at the Oscars whether that's at a boardroom speech whether that's holding hands with someone that you love telling them you love them whether that's growing on social media and speaking to camera whatever that is for you that your soul wants to

58:38be seen and heard doing and through the visualization activating your nervous system to respond because your subconscious mind is connected it's not seeing if it's reality or not it's going to activate your nervous system so you're going to feel the response that is the truth of your wound so that's I'm anxious I'm scared I'm sweating my heart is racing I'm overwhelmed your body will tell you what your nervous system thinks of that and so in the safety of your home you regulate your nervous system in the experience that you're having in your mind so in the safety of my own home I'm hand on my body I'm just kind of regulating I'm relaxing into the body I'm deepening the breath and I'm allowing myself to oscillate in and out of the experience with the activated nervous system regulating my nervous system so that I finally feel safe in the visualization of my biggest most visible life your body needs to feel safe in this experience so a few other things that you

59:39can do in this process besides that really powerful exercise that I love to do with my clients is regulate before you express so before you are in a meeting or something big that you really want to be seen and heard in put your hand on your chest put your feet on the ground feel your feet and just allow almost the feeling of a channel opening so you know from the crown of your head energy moving all the way down your spine through your legs through your feet you can imagine that channels opening to heaven opening to your spear guides to your angels to the truth of your essence and who you are I love to connect to God before I get on stage I'll just attune my channel to God and I'll just say God move through me like nothing but the highest for this experience like help me move out of the way so that you can move through me so attuning your channel and regulating that space before you express is huge and what happens here the one thing that people get wrong that I want you to pay attention to people stop too quick so they'll take

1:00:42a second they'll be like hand on chest okay open channel okay you need to actually so medically feel this experience happen you need to feel the regulation the slow down the feet on the ground this could take a minute two minutes three minutes give yourself time it will get faster and easier over time but it's going to take a second for you to literally feel a channel opening to heaven and like energy moving through your body your presence is what opens up this channel and this channels for your essence this channels for God this channels for your highest self the channels for the truth of what you want to be seen and heard and the truth that goes beyond any wounding that you have the second thing that I want you to do is acknowledge the protective archetype so acknowledging your rebel your invisible one your performer your good girl acknowledge her that's what I do with my performer I'm like hey sis you know we're at dinner you you don't need to to do this you don't need to try so hard right now I love you sister sit next to

1:01:44me but I'm in I'm in charge self is here I can be myself and then when I'm on stage my girl get ready because it's performer time it is time to turn on the lights to put on a show I acknowledge that protective archetype and how she has served me so well I acknowledge how she has helped me and I give her another role or it helps sooth her to relax her so that I can be seen so invisible one love you girl I love you so much you are the best sit next to me because it's time for the queen to step forward it's time for the truth of me to step forward so acknowledging that protective archetype and loving her essential okay a few years ago I learned something that changed my entire kitchen and I need you to know about this if you don't know already most non-stick cookware still contains forever chemicals like PFAS so these are the things that will not leave your body which can reach into your food and your home even some air friars and utensils contain them and once I knew that I was like now we're upgrading that's why I switched to our place their

1:02:49cookware is completely toxin free no PFAS no Teflon but the performance is unreal the non-stick is so good eggs just glide out and it's ridiculously easy to clean that's one of my non-negotiables when it comes to cookware I have the four piece cookware set two always pans and two perfect pots it's a great set this covers almost everything and it replaces a whole stack of like bulky pans I used to have you can see your saute steam bake boil everything and buying the full set saves you I think like a hundred and fifty dollars plus they all match in those gorgeous colors you can have these on your stove top just to display and people will be like wait what are those those are beautiful I also have the dream cooker which is phenomenal it's a pressure cooker it's a slow cooker you can see her in there it is phenomenal highly recommend I make my famous coconut bone broth rice in there and then I also just got the wonder oven yes this is an air fryer it's an oven you can dehydrate things in there it is an all-in-one and it's non-toxic our place is incredible stop

1:03:53cooking with toxic cookware and upgrade to our place today visit from ourplace.com slash almost 30 and use the code almost 30 for 10% off site wide with a hundred day risk free trial free shipping and returns you can experience this game changing cookware with zero risk again that is from our place.com slash almost 30 use code almost 30 for 10% off site wide okay so lately I've been thinking a lot about how I want to support my body in the season of life in this kind of like preconception mode conception mode and it's a season of life that I've been through before I have one son I'm just really intentional about what I'm putting in my body and how I am making sure I'm getting the nutrients that I need so there's so much information out there and it can feel overwhelming trying to make the right choices when it comes to your prenatal one thing I feel really good about is that in my first pregnancy I took rituals essential prenatal even if you're just in a phase of preparing your body or being intentional about foundational nutrients

1:04:55it feels like such a supportive place to start they're clinically backed essential prenatal includes key nutrients like coline folate and omega-3 and I love that the ingredients are traceable and thoughtfully sourced I and a lot of my friends chose ritual because I really love and trust the level of research behind it it's the only leading prenatal backed by its own human clinical trial and it was clinically shown to deliver key nutrients like folate biotin and vitamin D I also appreciate that it uses methylated folate and a patent and capsule design to dissolve in the small intestines which I found makes it really gentle and easy to take especially I remember that first trimester it was kind of like a hard thing to rub my head around that I had to take prenatals but it made it a lot easier so compared to other supplements I've tried it's just been a better overall experience for me so I highly recommend don't settle for less than evidence based support save 25% on your first month of ritual at ritual dot com slash almost 30 that's ritual dot com slash

1:05:59almost 30 for 25% off your first month the third is starting small and embodies so starting small visibility isn't immediately about volume you guys may not be able to hold energetically in your vessel all of the light and energy of Madison Square Garden next week start small start with telling your partner what you actually want for dinner hey what what are you craving for dinner oh you know I'm actually I really really want tie that's what I really want I really want tie how can you make that happen literally visibility can happen in any moment by you tuning into your internal landscape and dialogue and telling the truth the fourth is express without outsourcing your worth so let your voice belong to you before it belongs to the world so having your own safety within so what does that mean

1:07:00for me that means having my own internal dialogue and landscape and example I was on the phone with a friend this morning and she was saying something some you know she's giving me advice and I was like having an internal dialogue I'm listening I'm like oh yeah uh-huh and then my internal dialogue says she's projecting and I'm just I'm available to have that thought it's safe in me to express in my mind well before I'd be like you're judging her you should listen she knows that she's talking I'm like no I can think she's projecting I can think she's I can think that's not right and that's okay so have an internal dialogue that is safe within yourself the fifth is choosing resident environments not every single person deserves access to your medicine gosh I was reading about Neville Goddard talking about demons and Neville Goddard doesn't see demons in the religious way and this is going to tie back to what I'm talking about I promise but Neville Goddard talks about demons as entities that people have that are basically their

1:08:04own fears and projections so if I was to go up to someone and be like I'm so excited to go on stage this weekend they'd be like oh my god everyone's gonna boo you and like they're gonna judge your outfit that's their demons they are projecting onto me their own fears and insecurities completely unconsciously because in their reality you are judged for what you look like and people make fun of you and so their demons are coming at me and they're trying to get me scared no choose resident environments to share your truth again mastermind or fully express our freaking perfect opportunities for you to be fully seen and heard the one thing about me my containers are pristine this is a part of my Dharma and this is a part of what God has made me here to do but pristine environment so resident environments whether it's with me and my groups or with friends choose a resident environments because not everyone deserves your medicine truthfully and when you can really discern and understand that you're gonna be so much better quick quick story about

1:09:04that I auditioned for a TV show with some friends and I got on the call and I realized that this was like a TV show for like people that don't believe in spirituality don't understand spirituality don't have like a spiritual practice and when I got on the call I realized immediately that they were gonna make us like the jokes and the laughing stock of the show because they were gonna call us like the spiritual people the woo woo people you know all of that I'm out I'm complete I do not need to go to a TV studio to go to people's homes to prove to them God is real spirituality is real energy is real no I'm all good on all that I have no desire to try to prove myself to someone else and not everyone deserves my medicine this is a very specific energy that you hold that I'm able to access and we're able to commune in this way the six is so important and I want you guys to get this allow imperfection in your process energy responds to authenticity not polish some of the most powerful TED docs I read this book on TED docs

1:10:09were when people made mistakes at the beginning they're like hey this is really vulnerable brine brown her TED docs are some of the biggest TED docs in the world because she was incredibly vulnerable and not polished energy responds to authenticity and truth not polish visibility is absolutely a part of your spiritual path in a leaning forward when I'm saying this you being fully expressed and seen and heard is not selfish it is not wrong it does not mean you are doing something wrong it is not mean you are taking up too much space it does not mean that you're off your path it actually means you are on your path the bigger I am the more on path and on purpose I am God is going to bring me and move me in the rooms where I am meant to serve and I am meant to be big I am meant to take up space and the more that I can lean in and understand that and allow God to move through me to do that the absolute better so just remembering that healing your visibility wounds and going through this practice of understanding your archetypes looking at the different ways you can heal your nervous system to do this is essential for you being on purpose and in your

1:11:14Dharma and on mission and that is what I'm so excited to support you in doing and so freaking here for because when you hide a part of your soul hides like your soul wants to move through you in this lifetime wants to be expressed in this lifetime wants to be seen on stages online on Instagram wherever it is you feel called your soul knows you are meant to be seen there when you speak create lead and share you really activate these really beautiful dormant parts of yourself and it's when you become who you came here to be so you're the best I'm proud of you you're doing the work you're here on purpose on mission you're showing up every single day I got you fam it's Christa on Instagram ITSK or ISTA then you can find all my solos on almost 30 we have 800 episodes of amazingness and fun and you're just incredible you're doing the damn thing I love you almost 30.com almost 30 podcasts on Instagram we are on YouTube I hope you're watching me on YouTube and seeing my face almost 30 podcasts on TikTok and Instagram okay guys you're the

1:12:15best I can't wait to see you shine bye bye