3934: Stop Creating Gratitude Lists and Do This Instead by Kristen Manieri with Gottman Institute on Daily Ritual

0:00Before we start, I want to share a super powerful practice I use called NSDR or non-sleep deep rest. In just about 10 minutes or so, this yoga-needra practice leaves you feeling as refreshed as after a nap without actually sleeping. Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily. Before we start, please check out our new podcast Good Sleep. Have you ever noticed how a calm mind can really set the stage for a good night's sleep? That's the idea behind our new podcast Good Sleep. Greg, our host from Optimal Relationships Daily is here to help ease you into a peaceful night's rest with some positive affirmations. And these affirmations aren't just comforting, they can help ease anxiety and nurture positive thoughts, setting you up for a true Good Sleep. So press play on Good Sleep tonight because a good tomorrow starts with a Good Night's Sleep. Just search for Good Sleep in your podcast app and be sure to pick the one from Optimal Living Daily.

1:02This is Optimal Living Daily. Stop creating gratitude lists and do this instead by Kristen Manieri with Gotman.com. And I'm Justin Malik, your narrator, sharing articles every day of the year with some of my commentary and of course with permission from the websites or authors. Today's website is regularly featured over on Optimal Relationships Daily or Relationships show that is pretty much the same format as this one. You can find Optimal Relationships Daily wherever you're hearing this. But for now, let's get right to it as we optimize your life. Stop creating gratitude lists and do this instead by Kristen Manieri with Gotman.com. In the many self-improvement and positive psychology books I've read over the years, one common finding has appeared again and again. True contentment in life comes from our ability to cultivate gratitude. At the advice of these authors, gurus and sages, I've embarked on writing

2:02daily gratitude lists, crawled on notepads and in fancy gratitude journals. I've encouraged the sharing of gratitude that dinner with my family, used gratitude apps and reminders, and made impromptu lists in my head to emotionally transition from frustration to peace. It works, which is why I'm such a huge fan of gratitude. Gratitude and I go way back. But last December, I had a thought. What if I was short-changing my experience of gratitude by keeping it all to myself, closed into journals, and limited to my husband and two kids? It was time to level up my gratitude practice. To Amazon I went, ordering 365 thank you notes, arriving in packs of 36 and 48, and splashed with flowers and polka dots and a kaleidoscope of colors, which January 1st, on the near horizon, the plan was set. I would write one thank you note every day for the next 365 days, with an aim to upgrade my sense of gratitude by the end of 2018. It worked. Over the course of the past year, I've sent thank you notes to colleagues, family, and friends. I've penned my thanks to restaurant owners, service workers,

3:07male delivers, a cardiologist, and an airline pilot. I've written notes of deep appreciation to authors of books I've loved. I've thanked people for gifts, invites to parties, and acts of kindness. I've expressed thanks for new business, for making introductions, and for wise advice. I've thanked my parents for their parenting, my friends for their friendship, and my work team for their hard work. A few months into this project, I shared the experience with a friend who, while delighted by the idea, was perplexed. How do you know who to send a thank you note to each day, and he asked? It's simple, I explained. I just mentally scanned through the day before, and find one person I interacted with to send my thanks to. Surely, when we look through the previous 24 hours, we can find one human being that touched our lives. Maybe it was a journalist who wrote an article you loved, or the plumber who not only fixed your leak, but was punctual and incurdious. Maybe it was a managerial grocery store who was glad to special order those crackers you love so much, or the extra effort your child's teacher puts into a curriculum so our students

4:07are engaged and excited. Or the finisant structure that makes your 60 minutes of exercise not only tolerable, but actually kind of fun. This project taught me to notice that every single day, we are touched by the people we interact with if we allow ourselves to be. We interact with dozens, maybe hundreds of people every week, sometimes virtually, sometimes invisibly, but there is a connection and an impact that can be acknowledged. We're not islands. We live in this world with billions of other people, most of them just trying to do good and be good. What a gift it is to send someone thanks for their goodness. I've learned so much about the art of saying thanks, and here are a few takeaways. Number one, on a practical level, it helped to have a supply of stamps and cards on hand so there's nothing stopping me from writing a note each time the opportunity arose. Number two, the active writing a thank you note is so different from typing an email or tapping in a text. It's slower, more thoughtful, and more heartfelt. It invites pause and reflection

5:09as the pen patiently waits at the paper until the right words start to flow. Number three, making it a daily practice, perhaps the last thing you do before you go to bed or the first thing you do in the morning, creates a ritual. After 365 days, this habit is firmly implanted in my life. And number four, no act is ever too small to deserve acknowledgement. In fact, no act is needed at all. Some of my favorite notes to write were the ones that think someone for simply being in my life. I'm very aware that writing letters and notes is an old-fashioned art belonging to a culture of civility and courtesy that is slowly disappearing from our society. But imagine if thank you notes made a comeback. The impact would be immeasurable. We live in an age when retro is cool and vintage is vague. I think we're poised to welcome back some old-school social moors. It's time to have a thank you note revival. I'm in. Are you? You just listen to the post titled Stop Creating Gratitude lists and do this instead by

6:14Kristen Manieri with gotman.com. And I'll be right back with my commentary. It's common to think about our finances around the new year, maybe paying off debt or saving for a house. But why only track spending when you can also plan and actually achieve your goals? Set yourself up for financial success this year. Monarch is the all-in-one personal finance tool designed to make your life easier. It brings your entire financial life, budgeting, accounts, and investments, net worth and future planning together in one dashboard on your phone or laptop. Feel aware and in control of your finances this year and get 50% off your monarch subscription with code living. I love that with monarch. I can see my savings goals and net worth as I get closer to milestones. I feel like it keeps me accountable. Set yourself up for financial success in 2026 with monarch. The all-in-one tool that makes proactive money management simple all year long. Use code living at monarch.com for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first year at monarch.com

7:19with code living. Think it, Kristen? That's no small feat writing a thank you note every day. It's pretty impressive and I can't imagine how much positivity was spread from that. Something I've mentioned before is this rebellion against tech and this urge to go back to doing things like they were done before and this is a perfect example. She said herself, we live in an age when retro is cool and vintage is vogue. Doing what they call an analog hobby is popular and this fits right in and I do agree gratitude is great but imagine how many people could be affected positively if even 10% of that gratitude was shared with others. And then what if 10% of those shared it too? It just spreads and I think that's something we could all use. So a really nice one to think about and hopefully we can show our appreciation of someone today. Speaking of, I know I say it a lot but I really do appreciate you being here with extra thank yous

8:21if you listen every day and share the show because that's how I'm able to keep doing it after all these years but there's nothing I'd rather do so it really means a lot. Wishing you a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.