3 Reasons She Ghosted You That Were YOUR Fault

0:00Hey Mom and Dads, if you are tired of getting the deer and headlights response every time you bring up family plans with your kids, let me introduce you to your new best friend, the Skylight Calendar. The Skylight Calendar was designed to help you manage the chaos of family life, ditch the mental load of juggling everyone's schedules by pulling it all into one clear place. This all-in-one smart touchscreen calendar brings visual structure and color coding to your schedules, tasks, lists, and other family needs. It syncs seamlessly with Google Calendar, Apple Calendar, Outlook, and even write in your email with customizable views of daily, weekly, or monthly planning. Right now, Skylight is offering listeners $30 off their 15-inch calendars by going to MySkylight.com-get30. Go to MySkylight.com-get30 for $30 off your 15-inch calendar. That is M-Y-S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T. Welcome to the Stop Losing Women Podcast, where it's all about learning how to keep a girl

1:03like me interested for the long haul, if you think you can handle it. And now here's your host, Perry Wilmington. What if I told you that when a woman you're dating suddenly goes cold, it's not always because she stopped liking you. Instead, it's because something shifted, and that shift might have started with you. Today, I'm going to break down three reasons why it is that women go cold, that men oftentimes never see coming, and how to avoid it to make sure it doesn't happen to you anymore. Now, here's the first one, and this one's kind of controversial, but just stick with me. First one is that her attraction was partially based on uncertainty, and you removed it a little bit too fast. So, here's the thing. For guys early on, all we're trying to do is do things to guarantee that this girl likes us. That means we're doing things in order to get reactions that give us certainty that this woman likes us. That is how we feel more safe in our growing attraction for her. But for women, it doesn't quite work like that. For them, early attraction awfully arises from them not knowing exactly where things are

2:07going to be heading. It's a mixture of safety and suspense that allows her feelings to become more enraptured in the process that's happening, and it's something that unfortunately most men are not comfortable with. Because here's the thing. Women actually get excited when they're not completely sure where your attraction stands with them. They're thinking things like, oh my gosh, I wonder if he really likes me. Does he like me as much of that like him? Did I do a good enough job on that date to get him to what to ask me out again? And it's these questions that keep them engaged in the process, and also makes them want to keep trying to do things in hopes that eventually they'll be able to break through your feelings and realize, oh, this guy actually has the hopes for me. That's amazing. But at that point, it's something that she will have actually earned for just being given to her. However, you, being a guy, want to just let her know right away. You want her to know, hey, I'm here, I'm attracted to you. I see a potential future with us and how I can look, why are we playing games? Let's just get to the good stuff. We can just say we like each other.

3:07Because again, we're trying to get security by knowing for sure that she likes us. However, once you make it obvious to her that she has you, at that point, the curiosity for her just disappears and oftentimes so does the interest. Now, Mind don't like to hear that. And to be honest, you're not necessarily doing anything wrong. But when you do that, you're making things emotionally complete for her to early on. And you're taking out the part where she actually needed like mystery and uncertainty in order to build attraction. And so you lose her attraction because you take away the discovery part for her, which is one of the most important building blocks on the women's side in building attraction to you. The second reason that a lot of women suddenly go cold is that at the point in time, when she wanted time to herself or she asked for space, instead of respecting that, you try to negotiate your way into getting more time with her and it made her feel disrespected. Now, here's the reality. If you're like most guys, there's a good chance that early on, you were texting her a lot. And as she said, yes, to dates and as she hooked up with you, you thought, oh, everything's

4:10cool now. So I can just be there all the time. I don't have to play the weight game or act like I'm busy. I can just be realistic and say, hey, I want to see you and I want to be around you more. And for most guys, that's happening after like date two or three. And for most women, they need to have gone on a few more dates with you before they get to that feeling of wanting to see you and hear from you more. And so when women say, I need space, it rarely means I'm completely discussing with you and I don't want to see you anymore, although that's sometimes how we take it. What that usually means is that for whatever reason, she's feeling emotionally overstimulated and she needs a chance to sit with herself and think and regulate her emotions to be able to sift through what she's actually feeling for you. Because if you think about it from a woman's perspective, there's a lot of feelings that go into meeting a new person and the more time she's spending with you, the more questions she has, if she doesn't get a chance to take a break and sit with those feelings to see what they mean, then all that makes her start to think is maybe going out with you isn't what she should be doing. Or maybe she's not actually feeling the feelings that she's feeling.

5:12Maybe they're being forced upon her and then not really her feelings. I mean, you don't give a woman a chance to feel those things, then it can cause her to say, you know what? I need some space as a form of self-regulation to be able to do that. And by the way, this also brushes up against her feeling of wanting to feel like she still has independence. A lot of women complain about the fact that when they get into a relationship, oftentimes they feel like they lose themselves. And so to combat that, when they're dating a new guy, they might say, okay, yeah, we're going out a lot, but is this really my choice to do that? Or is he making me feel like I'm forced to do that? I need some time to really feel that. So maybe if I don't spend time with him, I realize that I miss him, and then it'll be my choice to want to hang out with him more. So like I said, that feeling where she says she needs space a bit isn't always a bad thing. In history, I had it at times where I would be doing the most with the woman, and she would just say, hey, I just need a couple of days to myself. Initially, I took that as a bad thing over time. I realized, hey, you know what, one, I'm an introverted kind of guy. I understand you need my space, but also also if giving them space means they have enough

6:15time to think about what's going on to then ultimately choose me, then it's in my benefit to give them that space. But that took some time to grow into, and the reality is you may not be there quite yet because you're still thinking, well, if she says she needs space, it must mean she either doesn't like me, or she's playing games, or there's another guy in the picture. And I find oftentimes that's actually not the case. That said, what you don't want to do when a woman asks for that is to try to negotiate why she should give you more of her time, trying to say things like, can we talk? What did I do? Let's fix this. Why don't you want to see me? Those things only come from her fear that being with you could potentially cause her to lose her freedom. What I found the better way to react in the situations is when she says, I need space or give me some time, is to simply say two words, okay, okay, it's technically two letters. But you say, okay, hey, you know what, not a problem, I can find some stuff to do. Now you're thinking, but if you say that, would you be showing her disinterest? No. What you're showing her is that you respect her time and that you respect the needs

7:15she has to be able to sit with herself and reflect on those things. At the same time, you're showing yourself as a guy that has ultimately not bothered when she has a specific need that she's requesting from you. And more importantly, I also found that it makes women wonder, wow, wait a minute, he's not trying to beg me to stay around more, to text me more. I feel great on one hand, but on the other hand, why is he not pressuring me? Because she's not used to guys not pressuring her for more time when she makes this request. So you being different from that is going to make her realize, maybe you're not as pressed or you're not trying to pressure her as much as she thought maybe you were trying to. And that can cause her honestly to not want to have so much space with you rather quickly. And again, that speaks to she has to feel like it's her choice to want to be around you. So even though yes, you're the one that's going to be asking her out, she needs to feel that if she for whatever reason can't go out with you that night, that you're going to be cool with that versus crying and begging, oh, please, princess, see me. And she's not going to get that if you're hanging around all the time.

8:17And then when she asks for space, you're throwing a hissy fit. And by the way, this is just part of the natural Evan flow when a woman starts dating you. There's going to be some days where she's really about you and wants to see you nonstop. And there's going to be times where she's like, I could use a little bit of space from this guy or I've been neglecting my friends. So I need to go spend time with them. This is why as a guy, you just need to know early on that the less time you spend with her in the beginning, it gives her the time she needs to decide that she wants to see you more. And it's far better for her to be the one reaching out to see you more than you trying to beg her to spend more time with you and then her heading for the hills. And then the third reason that she possibly went cold is because believe it or not, she thought that maybe you were the one going cold first. Here's what I mean by that. On this channel, I teach you guys about the importance of being detached to outcomes, meaning if a woman, you know, says she can't go out with you that night or you ask her out and she says she's not interested, you're not supposed to freak out and panic. You just simply be like, okay, cool. Hey, it's no problem or hey, we'll set something up some other time.

9:18Like the idea is that you're not unbothered when things just happen to arise. But I don't want you to completely appear disinterested to where a woman can't tell if you actually like her. And the mistake that some guys make coming into this space is they learn about the idea of detachment and think, I should just act like, I don't care if she's around or not. So picture, you're texting her one night and she's like, hey, so I really like you. I hope this works out. And your response is, eh, I mean, whatever, I mean, if we work out great if not, it's whatever. Like, I get that you're trying to show where you have the attitude of, you're not going to be harmed or affected if she comes or goes. And I will say this, that's an admirable thing to have in your head to just know. Like you should just know in your head whether she stays or goes, you got to be cool, calm and connected, right? But verbalizing that to women can make them think and feel like you do not care. Women as a generality, right? They read into things three times more than when we're saying them. So when you as a guy think you're saying surface level stuff, understand, mostly everything

10:21you say, they're going to read with an emotional lens on their, on their eyes and they're going to add context to what you're saying. And oftentimes, if you're saying that that leans towards neutral to negative, the thing that she's going to be assuming is not in your favor. So picture, a girl just tells you, hey, I really like you and I'm glad I'm getting to know you. And I hope this works out. If your response is, I mean, it's whatever, I know that you're trying to convey that if this works out great, but if not, it's no big deal. But all she's going to hear when you say that is, I mean, you're not really that important to me. And I could care less if you're around and if this doesn't work out, I'll find somebody else. Now, I want that to be in your head as a truth that could happen. I don't want you verbalizing that to women because you're going to get a misread. She's going to hear you say that or read that over a text and she's going to start thinking, maybe this guy doesn't like you as much as I thought he did. Maybe I'm actually a burden to him. Maybe I'm not all that exciting of a person to see even want to hear from me. You know what? Maybe I've been too much of a bother and he's too nice to say the thing about it.

11:22So I'm just going to back away. Next thing you know, you're getting less text and calls and when you ask her out, she's like, well, I'm not sure whatever. And you're thinking that I'm not sure means she found another dude or she's less interested. And her and she's thinking, well, I don't want to push him to have to date me. So I'm going to say things in a way where if he's not really serious about me, he can just kind of let me go. So this is why as a guy, you got to be mindful. You're thinking she's going cold, but it could be things you're saying to her that could be making her think you're not as highly interested. And here's the thing, again, I want you to have it in your head that you can come or go at any time. You're not going to be bothered by what she chooses to do. But when you're actually talking to her and verbalizing things to her, it should be all about, I want to take you out. I'm excited to see you. I can't wait for our date. Give her verbalizations that indicate to her that you really are happy to see her. You don't go overboard by saying, I have the hots for you. I have all these feelings. I love you because again, they read three times more than this stuff. And they're going to read that as applying pressure as if you've already chosen her.

12:23So we don't want you to go to that level. But I don't also want you saying things that could make her think that you're not interested and that you're suddenly not understanding why she's acting the way she is. And you're thinking she's not interested when really is. She is interested, but she doesn't want to pressure you to have to act like you're interested even though we know you really are. So those are the three reasons oftentimes that women appear to go cold. And hopefully the things that I've said in this video have helped you and get to get some insight into what those things are so you will not do them and what to do instead. If you need more personalized help, you can go to stop losing women.com and check out my get girls academy. This academy has some of my best video courses that I've put out over the years, ranching from things on how to do online dating, to how to ask women out in person, all the way up to how to actually land the kind of women that you truly want, how to remove anxiety and nervousness and how to modify your mindset. So you can see yourself as the kind of guy any woman would be happy to have. And you can also sign up for one-on-one coaching if you have a situation that you'd like me to help you analyze and go through in real time. Alright?

13:24In the meantime, guys, thank you so much for checking out this video, like the video, subscribe to the channel, and I will catch you guys on the next one. I'm out. Peace.