298. When you try to fix things but it makes them worse

When something goes wrong, we frequently respond with wanting to do something about it. Fix the problem. Find the solution. Make everything better. And while that can be a wonderful quality, sometimes our urge to fix is actually a way of escaping discomfort.

In this episode, Alexandra Stockwell, MD explores the surprising connection between feeling stressed and our tendency to fix. She explains how fight, flight, and freeze can evolve into “fix” in adulthood, particularly for capable, ambitious people who have learned to feel safe by solving problems and keeping everything under control.

Alexandra offers practical ways to recognize when you're fixing from a place of stress versus offering solutions from a place of calm, spaciousness, and choice. She also shares simple tools to regulate your nervous system in the moment and to build a more resilient baseline over time.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why “fixing” can become a stress response in adulthood• How to tell the difference between empowered problem-solving and compulsive fixing• Why a calm nervous system is essential for intimacy, communication, and passion• Simple ways to pause and regulate yourself when you're triggered• How meditation, movement, pleasure, nature, and other practices strengthen your nervous system• Why knowing you have multiple options is a sign that responding rather than reacting

You don't have to stop fixing things. The invitation is to notice why you're fixing them. When you soothe yourself first, you’ll create the space to respond with greater curiosity, creativity, and connection.