#165 - Serving is Identity

0:00Welcome to Referrals Done Right. I am Scott Cratez and this is your home for one simple idea. Turn your relationships into revenue. If you believe trust beats transactions and relationships drive results, you are in the right place. Each episode along with our website and weekly newsletter is packed with real strategies to help you grow by leading with your heart and executing with intention. You are now part of our DR Nation. Let's go. I want to give you just one sentence today. I hope that you write it down. I hope you take it to heart. Let's dive deep into that one sentence. One thought that I've been sitting with, frankly, since I recorded last week's episode, it's this, serving needs to be an identity, not an activity. It's a big difference between those two things because an activity is something you do and identity is who you are. And I think sometimes, especially in this business, we confuse the two. We schedule acts of service,

1:06which is great. We create customer appreciation campaigns, which is fine. We send gifts and make introductions. We check in with referral partners. Obviously, we volunteer. We give to charity. And listen, these are all good things. But here's the uncomfortable question. Would you still do those things if you knew there was absolutely nothing coming back to you? No referral, no sale, no social media recognition, no tax deduction, not even a thank you. Would you still do it? Because I think the answer tells us whether serving is something we do or whether serving is part of who we've become. And I've talked about this before in this podcast. And I spend a lot of time in the book, hammering home the idea of the servant's heart. But the more I think about it, the more I believe there's an important distinction.

2:10Because service can't just be another business development strategy. Because people can feel that. And you've probably experienced that. Someone takes you to lunch or they're incredibly interested in you. They're asking great questions. They're being helpful. And somewhere around minute 42, you realize why you're there. Here comes the pitch or the ask. Or by the way, who do you know? Or, you know, hey, wondering if you can help me. And suddenly everything that happened before that moment feels different. Was the person actually interested in you? Or were they investing 42 minutes hoping for a return? Because obviously that's transactional. And look, business involves transactions. I get it. I've been a business long time. There's nothing wrong with making money. There's nothing wrong with selling. There's nothing wrong with asking for referrals. Obviously, right? We teach people how to create referral moments. But I believe that the sequence

3:12matters. You have to have to have to serve first. And not because serving guaranteed you'll get something later. Serve because that's who you are. And I think about the best relationship builders I know. They don't wake up every morning and say, okay, who can I serve today? So they'll eventually owe me something. It's not how they operate. Instead, they notice people. They listen. They make introductions. They share ideas. They encourage and help. And they remember. And they do those things almost instinctively because serving has become part of their identity. That's who they are when there's an audience. It's who they are when there isn't an audience. And I think that's where this gets interesting because identity changes behavior without requiring constant motivation. Think about exercise. There's a big difference between saying I'm trying to work out three times a week and saying I'm someone who takes care of my health. And there's a difference between

4:16I'm trying to read more and I'm a reader. I'm in a difference between I need to spend more time with my family and I'm a present husband or wife, father or friend. The activity follows the identity. So what happens when we say I'm someone who serves? Now we're not waiting for a company initiative or a volunteer day or a referral campaign. We're simply paying attention. Where can I help? Who needs an introduction? Who needs encouragement? Who needs someone to listen or show up? And sometimes it's a client. It might be an employee. It might be a total stranger. And sometimes there isn't a business opportunity anywhere in sight. And that's actually a pretty good test. You know, here's another one. How do you treat someone who can't do anything for you? Think about that. It's easy to be incredibly attentive to your biggest client. It's easy to respond to the person who sends you 10 referrals a year. It's easy to make time for the powerful person in the room.

5:22But what about the person who has absolutely nothing you need? How do you treat them? The restaurant server, the person struggling professionally, the stranger who asks for directions when you were in a hurry. The client with a problem that doesn't generate commissions. That's where identity shows up. Because if service is an activity, we naturally start calculating the return. If service is an identity, we start looking for impact. And that's a very different scoreboard. And ironically, I think that's also where some of the greatest business opportunities come from. Not because we're secretly engineering them, but because people remember how we make them feel. And I've said it multiple times on this podcast. Referrals are built on trust. When someone refers you, they're essentially lending you some of their reputation. They're saying, I believe in this person enough to attach my name to theirs. And who do we trust? We trust people whose behavior

6:27we've observed consistently, consistently, the big important word there. Not once, not during a campaign, not because they sent us a really cool gift consistently. We watch how they treat people. We watch what happens when something goes wrong and how they react to that. We watch whether they keep their word, whether they're generous when no one's keeping score. And eventually we decide that's just who that person is. It's not the goal. It's not they did something nice for me. Instead, that's the kind of person they are. That is reputation. That is your identity. And that's incredibly difficult for a competitor to copy. You know, your competitors, they can copy your products and services and pricing, marketing campaigns, website. And they can duplicate a lot of that. But it's really difficult to copy who you've become. And again, going forward in this digitally

7:30dominated world, your identity, people recognize you, recognizing you for your reputation and having that servant's heart. AI can't do that. You can automate and be as efficient as you want with certain things. But AI ain't taking that away from you or me. There are no one else who plays in this reputation space. I want to make another important distinction here. Being someone who serves doesn't mean saying yes to everything. It doesn't mean having no boundaries or allowing people to take advantage of you or sacrificing health, family or your priorities to try to rescue everybody. Please don't. That's not what I'm saying. You can't be all things that all people all the time. Sometimes serving someone means saying no. Sometimes it means telling them the truth, allowing them to solve their own problem, realizing your energy can create far more good elsewhere. A servant's

8:33identity doesn't eliminate boundaries. It gives your boundaries a purpose. You protect your time and energy so you can pour them into other people and things that matter most. And I think there's an interesting connection here to something that I've mentioned. I've been playing it with this idea that the time doesn't fly. Time lies. I talk about being intentional with our time and our energy. But what's the point of reclaiming our time if we're only going to spend it all? I shouldn't say don't matter, but the people who aren't most important. Maybe the goal isn't simply to have more time. Maybe the goal is to have more of ourselves available for the people and things that do matter. Our family and friends, communities, our purpose, the people who are uniquely positioned to help. It's a very different definition of freedom

9:34and success. So my challenge for you for the remainder of this week and in next week, don't schedule an act of service instead. Spend your time the next few days trying on an identity. Wake up tomorrow and tell yourself I am someone who serves and then pay attention. Don't force anything. Just notice who hasn't been recognized? Who needs a five minute phone call or text or email? Who could benefit from something you know? Who needs encouragement? Who needs someone to simply listen? When the most important part, don't keep score. Don't ask or wonder what it's worth or what the ROI is. Don't immediately post about it on social. Just serve and then do it again and again. Until eventually you stop having to remind yourself until the people around you begin to notice something until someone says that's just who he or she is. Because I think that's when you've

10:36crossed the line serving is no longer something you have to remember to do. It's just become part of who you are. And when that happens, I believe everybody wins. The people around you win because their lives are a little better because you're in it. When your business wins because trust and reputation compounds over time. And you win because there's something deeply meaningful about knowing that what you do matters to somebody besides yourself. So let's wrap it up. I'll leave you with this question. If there were absolutely nothing in it for you, would you still serve? Just be honest with yourself. The interest. No, that's okay. Judgment free zone here, all right? But if the answer is yes, I'd encourage you to keep going. And if the answer does make you uncomfortable, maybe that's worth sitting with. Because serving shouldn't be something we turn on once good for business. Serving needs to be an identity, not an activity. Be the person who helps, who notices,

11:40who connects, who shows up. Not because you're expecting something in return, but because that's simply who you've decided to become. That is referrals done right. And this is me thanking you with a heart full of gratitude and appreciation that you continue to spend a few minutes with me each week. It doesn't go unnoticed. I see you. I appreciate you. And now I kindly ask, do you go serve somebody else? I look forward to seeing you again next week.