104 - ADHD Medication & Trauma Show And Tell

0:00Hello lesbians. Hello live. Hi fair. How are you? Is that my camera? That one's yours. Hi lesbians. Have you ever done it? Do it again. Hello lesbians. Oh that's very official. Yeah I feel like I was on the news there. Yeah. Welcome to LSE news. I really want to do a new segment because I think my next thing in life is to either be like a weather girl or like a news anchor. And a weather girl, weather people sort of thing. I think we don't watch the news. Like guess what it's raining. And also I'm so invested in the weather because of how much it upsets me on a regular basis. No you know it's basically just like the sad weather news. So it's a fucking heat wave again. And then I'm like you know how we had those heat waves for weeks and months and it was relentless and it never stopped or guess what we've got now rain and cold and grey. You just be like fucking grey miserable day and it's fucking raining. Yeah see ya. I think everyone wants that.

1:04I'm not. Guess what guys? It's fucking raining. If it couldn't get anywhere. Yeah and then but I think news anchor would be really really fun. And whenever I've done have you ever seen those like tests where you've got to like read it as it's going down. I've got a word for it. But I get myself so invested in those. What's the word? The word prompt of that. Maybe like this is lesbian news. I don't even know. No wait. Order sound the lesbian news. Tonight on lesbian news, Freya has placed another 50s app orders since the previous episode. One news to follow. Tonight on lesbian news, Freya bullied once again for her financial decisions even though they might appear to be actually financially savvy. You'll find out in this next week's segment whether Freya will be homeless or not. But yeah no I would I would love it. I would love it. I'd be like hmm another murder. Like news anchor don't go. Another murder. No. Yeah go and do it like. It's not

2:09jar. It is go Patrick Clancy. Dun dun dun. He's a cant. Oh my god. No we need to talk about Patrick and Lindsay Clancy. This is something that we have not discussed on here. Okay. You give me a time around it. I'm giving I'm gonna put a time around this. I'm giving you five minutes. Give me five minutes. I am because you go on tangents but there's now I know you're passionate and I agree everything you're saying. Okay but you've got five minutes from okay. Three two one go. I want to make it very clear about Patrick and Lindsay Clancy. First things first I'm going to start off by saying as bias as you want to be or as non-biased as you want to be you can look at just pure facts. We're looking at pure facts. Not tick tock conspiracy because these tick tock conspiracy is a lot of them are not conspiracies they are based on actual fact. It will be physically impossible for Lindsay Clancy to have achieved murdering her three children and then reducing her body temperature after three suicide attempts by the way being a nurse how the fuck do you fuck that up at 82 degrees internally that is the same temperature that if somebody had been dead for over an hour dead. Okay. First things

3:15first he said that he that was boys first he left the house he said that he left the house but subsequently a couple of minutes later it's shown on his surface probe which was at his property on a laptop that he had sent an email he then drives over to the CBS which she had instructed him apparently to do so to go and get the pdfx for her child who had been to the doctors that morning and had another alleged doctor's appointment scheduled for the next day for re-accurrent UTI's interesting part of the story because she's a five year old why is she getting recurrent UTI's and constipation which is what the pdfx was for he then takes 17 minutes to drive over to a place that should have taken him three minutes what's happened within that unaccounted time where there is no surveillance of this man whatsoever he then goes into the store apparently has a phone call even though the records only show one phone call going out to her a no-wrote phone call actually coming back to him and also on the CCTV footage there is no evidence of him even picking up the phone

4:18so how the fuck he managed that on him and then he there's another quite a few minutes that are unaccounted for he goes over to 3v which is this restaurant that she had also already ordered from for him to pick up from now if you want a man out of your house which by the way this man was always out the house he's always skiing jump rope him by whatever the fuck he was doing he was always so fucking busy why would you pick the one day that he's actually at home and not only that make it convenient for him make it very quick for him wouldn't you want more time wouldn't you want more time he's gone over to the restaurant picked up the food come back finds Lindsay on the floor what have you done to the kids as his first thing that he says and she said I killed them and they're in the basement this woman has a crushed shut up this woman you're gonna need to wrap up your point this woman has a crushed thyroid never spoke to any of the authorities never added a word because she was unable to and she was only grunting in the background of the 9-1-1 call now Lindsay being in us this is very stressful Lindsay being in us had slit her wrists wrong she had drugged herself by

5:22crushing medicine within a cup and taking it however that's just Patrick's word against it they never actually tested the cup and how would he know that there was any crush pills in there why would you do that if you wanted to overdose you just fucking knock him back don't you and she took it with lemonade which is citric which counteracts drugs as a nurse you're gonna know that even I know that and then she allegedly jumped out of the basement what I think happened long story short think he slit her wrists yep he drove her to fucking insanity because he was drugging her he kept the he kept the drugs that she was not allowed to have anymore because he said that the doctor said for him to store it for himself and then and then dispose of it whenever he wanted to do but he didn't it was in his car also why the fuck are the pit why are the doctors giving him anti-psychotic medicine or this kind of shit I think he drugged her made her feel crazy she only ever felt better whenever she was in facilities away from him she he then tried to kill her he wanted a new life I think that she knew that he was gonna go and hurt those kids downstairs I don't think by this point that he had killed those kids yeah this was a very very devoted mother even though she

6:26suffered postpartum depression of course a lot of women do anyway one minute remain I think what happened this is my theory he did that yeah try to make it like she did it then he ran downstairs locked the door from the outside because you can lock the door from the outside to that bedroom I think that she came to because power of mother's honesty power of mothers and I think that what she did was carefully tried to slide herself down the outside of the building that is why there is blood there because she wanted to remain safe getting out she fell to the floor and because he killed the first kid in the in a different room I think he perhaps fully killed the other two children by the windows that she could see it and that's why she thinks that she saw herself do it because there's so much more that I should go into but it is an absolutely diabolical case and only all of it is just hearsay well what about the whole thing that's going on with the trial now that the the jury it's now a what a list so what happens now you've got to go through it all over again apparently

7:26what yeah all because of one juror yeah couldn't agree why is it not majority rules that was really stressful I'm actually sweating I didn't I didn't say everything that I wanted to say and I don't think I said it in the right way and I want to do her justice but like I think you did well under pressure that I'm quite proud of you that I'm only you only had your time crunch because we all also once said time crunch so I think what you should also do is maybe maybe take this to an agony and I think I'm going to do an agony on this because I have so much to say you can really take your sweep time yes I think that would be wise but no thank you and we would like to hear thoughts viewers on the news we would like to hear your people versus Lindsey can't say yeah yeah exactly and I just all of it is just rooted in rooted in stinks of misogyny and also just a lot of different conspiracy like that is crazy so much of it links to so many different things and you're like hold on a minute what the fuck is going on and he looks just like that guy who in the Idaho murders you know the guy what's his name I can't remember his name

8:29he always escapes me yeah we spoke about this he's there they look identical then people have put their like faces together and you can't even tell that it's like a different person it's really weird and people like the world as a stage it's crazy I'm kind of starting to believe honestly because it's so fundamental um so all of that's been going on but that's not my personal life no that's not your personal yeah well I think the trial has run into your person like quite a bit yeah I do to oh my god I was on jury duty it was actually too much I was getting myself a bit obsessed you went into a hole and I had to apologize for anesthesia I said baby I'm sorry I think I got myself a little bit carried away there she was like yeah baby you definitely did you have been picking up knives we were replicating the case yeah it was I don't know I have a very strong sense of justice so when like something is wrong I'm like oh my god and you know you really want to try and wrap your head around it um but obviously there's so many different cases like that I mean just by the case alone apparently 22 men whilst this trial has been going on 22 men

9:32in the US have killed their whole family and wife so well speaking of killing Nilly was actually working yesterday and she saw she was looking at stats of serial colours like it was work on eight thing the most protective how's that how's that work related I don't know we'll ask a we'll ask a later I don't know how what that had to do with anything she was doing okay but anyway so it was like most serial colours within countries obviously the highest was America and America's count for yeah sorry no offense they account for 63% of the overall serial colours in the world wow you have to disgrace it's a 17 hundred also serial colours it's not just your killer it's three or more if you're a serial yeah double triple homicide it's really bad yeah it's really back and you guys just stop it like what do you came with less than a thousand oh that's quite that's not too bad it's all right we get bored yeah probably just do one or two and then like

10:35lazy now I'm well too much rain too hot too fucking hot they have to go too hot too cold too rainy I can't be killing today I can't do I can't do it backwards anyway I've got a person alive sports been going on I went away just for a couple of days which was really really nice because our sweet sweet little girls gone across the pond I know Anastasia's gone off to LA which I think will be really really good for her to be out in LA I think that she's gonna kill it she's very talented very hardworking she is an insane model like I'm so impressed by her I'm so impressed by her work ethic it's crazy can we please discuss what she did yesterday though oh god yeah she was first she was first American food shop she was so mortified firstly by the price yeah which is fair yeah but she what what bread did she love again just so she loves like rye bread and also there's like a type of rye bread that's a little bit sweet that is from Russia or Estonia

11:38and or maybe like all like the Slavic countries I don't know exactly what it's called but it's really nice and it's kind of like very small it's like black bread yeah it's really good but she likes rye bread and like sourdough so Freya was showing me her shop because I just what was really intrigued I look at the brown bread I just saw the label cheesecake factory on it and I thought cheesecake factory bread did how does she not know also why does she not read the word cheesecake and think there might be something not so healthy about this she probably just thought the packaging like pretty because I had little colors on it it did have colors and I had to say cheesecake factory brown bread is known as I mean it's unreal it's really good but it's just full of sugar yeah absolutely mortified I was like baby you know that's a hundred and eight calories as nice by the way like neither of us a calorie counters but I think that's kind of an outrageous amount of calories like per bread because it's just showing that it's just sugar like this is not a tool bread because she we both know what type of bread she likes she's very hot she's very healthy like she loves to eat shit from time to up but she's just like very healthy

12:41that's like me I would hate no it's like you need bamboo's or didn't that way not one that for your breakfast no no I wonder if she's gonna have it today I'm gonna ask her but she had a lovely first day and she went for a walk on the beach with the with a dog and there was a rainbow which you know how much she loves rainbows and so that's why forced me to go away for a couple of days because she knows I'm really bad at taking a break and I haven't actually taken a natural break in like three years so I'm gonna what grease and then I had to come back for some absolutely ridiculousness and then and then I went off to Barcelona yeah yeah but I'm glad you went away when you could because first thing I said when I saw you I was like you've de-aged not anymore I've been so stressed out these past couple of days I feel like it's all just gone back yeah you look to me and you're like oh I have packs of gone and I was like you love the unreal when you came in yeah because I wasn't stressed like I genuinely like I don't think that I realize how much I'm stressed but you know what's really funny and I spoke to net about this

13:46while I was away and you guys will remember net from our episodes and because we're very similar in the brain we're a bit like OCD anxious and she messaged me because I said this is really really hard for me to relax so I spent the first couple like I was just lying there I was crying on the beach like yeah because I just felt so emotional and you also when you live always stressed out then your brain starts to search for it and sometimes you're processing things because you're not so stressed out anyway yada yada yada and she messaged me back and she was like I yeah she was like beautiful spaces busy minds and I was like that is genius that is me beautiful spaces like busy minds in beautiful spaces and it's so frustrating though because I didn't when I was waiting I feel like I so desperately wanted to relax but I was just lying then I'm just like yeah it's just annoying yeah and I was desperate in that moment to like find a podcast or something relatable where people could talk about like how this feels so therefore me and net I want to get net on again so actually

14:47like talk about that in more detail because sometimes as well like we can have an element of like an advice in there maybe something that we did that helped but sometimes it's just nice to hear somebody who just thinks the same way that you do and processes things the same way that you do that's why I've always loved listening to Emma Chamberlain because like I listen to her it's not sometimes she gives advice but sometimes she's just talking about the way that her brain works and I'm like yeah yeah you know and like it's nice and not feel so crazy but yeah I really really struggle but it's fine and like it was it was beautiful and yeah yeah she's a she's a beautiful soul I think I scared her on the roads a few times with the car but apart from that it was good I'm not surprised yeah I'm a maness yeah I'm actually I'm getting better I'm getting better I've actually not been in a car with you as you the driver for a while hmm is there a reason the phone yeah I'm joking I just don't have a car that's what we're doing

15:47yeah I actually was thinking that today I need to get a car I want a car guys who wants to give me a car BMW girls I'm sweating in this studio today oh my god so today's episode obviously we've had a little catch up sorry it's really last night my hamsters you can see it in the back that looks like the hand of Wednesday so whenever one was doing that one TikTok and they were like I got a scarlet but I had none of my head yeah yeah I wanted to talk just about a couple of things today that firstly with busy minds and beautiful spaces I was thinking about ADHD because I know that a lot of you guys have ADHD you've asked me to talk about ADHD on here I don't want to do like a whole episode but I wanted to just list out the pros and cons of using ADHD medication because so many people ask me about whether or not I do take medication whether or not it works for me what

16:49is it I take so just very quickly I take LVance which is the same as Viveance over in the US and at 30 milligrams per day because I haven't had it for the past week the pills apart from yesterday I think I'd allowed my brain to go back to its kind of normal state I just didn't want to take it I don't want to take it for a week I wanted to see how I felt and because even if you go like a couple of days without it it doesn't fully come out of your system so I managed to go like full on neuro spicy throughout the week and it gave me the space to be able to think about the pros and cons and I actually did write them down because I knew I would forget I'm intrigued yes how funny a note so I'm sorry Hania tampons to do before grease worked out four times um calamata olives okay so these are the pros of being on medication okay more patient yeah I'd agree you are

17:49especially in a q-like function I was in a q and an airport at the duty free and I was about to drop kick someone like I genuinely I felt like my skin was on fire I would say you're just more than overall patient person when yeah when you're on it I wouldn't even say an acute scenario no but that was when I really noticed it and especially with emotions okay more more more patient people's emotions less frustrated yeah at the daily life to life things just a lot less frustrated when I'm on this medication I'm not Tasmanian deviline everywhere not as sensitive to touch this was one thing that really surprised me that I didn't know was something that I felt until I was off the medication and like anesthesia was touching me on like the back of my arms and she kept touching touching me like on like my lower back like near my hip and I actually thought I was going to pass away and it's a really nice thing for her to do but I kept going like

18:53this I was like what I can't it's like a sensory thing I could not stand it could not stand it medicated pros dopamine hit so when it hits I get the dopamine happiness good times for good times are coming yeah less dopamine hunting not looking for dopamine in different things i.e snacks i.e an argument i.e something like you're always looking for like a dopamine here I'm searching can I get another coffee what else should I get now like this how can I how can I enhance myself right now less boredom oh my god I was getting so bored really yes at just like and I wasn't bored because of like the company that I was in or anything but I'd be lying there and be like oh what can I do now maybe that's why before you were on it you'd nap more because you were bored yeah so just have a sleep yeah goodbye I'm trying to think of how else I would get bored

19:58like in a queue that's part of the kind of patient thing so I'd be in the queue and I know that like anesthesia was waiting like the other side or something and I'm there and I'm like I'm just really bored I'm stood here I'm so fucking bored this is so boring like that was just my thing less hunger so that's a medicated pro to me because I feel like it gets in the way I'd rather just be less hungry throughout the day that kind of goes back into the dopamine thing less emotional so not as emotionally reactive don't cry as much and less triggered by things emotionally and that goes into less reactive and it's good when it hits to get things done and focus when it hits right right those are the pros which I think are pretty good pros I think so then we go into medicated cons less hunger means my blood pressure and sugar low drops my sugar drops yeah because when you because yeah because you when you don't eat because your heart your appetite is suppressed then your blood sugar

21:00drops and I think that makes with the stimulant as well I do go a bit queer yeah and it makes me weird yeah and I feel really unwell when that happens I really really don't like that and that happens every day so it's not great um more distraction like having tick tock scrolling I've noticed that actually I scroll more when I'm medicated I wonder why I think because once I get it's like a hyper focusing I think sometimes it's like what you're focusing on you're really focusing on therefore just do a lot of this and sometimes it becomes obsessive like I want to stop and I can't yeah that's horrible that's something that happens on the medication less motivation once the initial hit is over so once those few hours I'm then like I don't want to do anything anymore yeah less personality and character I lose my spark yeah yeah I would agree with that you're not like not it's crazy not as fun I'm not fun I like being ADHD fun and I don't have that on the medication

22:03I still obviously have some of it but not like everything hits all at once can be overwhelming to my brain wanting to do everything all at once that's annoying that's a con for me more smoking because I smoke chain oh you yesterday you well let me tell you why medicated I hope I'm in a serious season but I told her I said baby I've had eight cigarettes today was the eight before or after we went to pub before yeah yeah it was really bad actually maybe fell on well but it was because I had taken it and I was really really stressed yesterday so that was a really nice welcome back so that was that that's why I smoke so much so the more smoking is not a good thing and I can feel numb stroke less empathy when I am medicated which isn't nice which isn't nice sometimes needed because my empathy can sometimes get to a crazy level what I feel like numb no and I don't want to feel like I'm lacking empathy because

23:08me being an empathetic person a very empathetic person just so happens to be who I am so there's my present cause I would love to know if you guys have experience I'd love to hear it from like other people obviously you noticed the big difference I think like when I came back god yeah you but I think it's because I'm this is obviously the longest you've gone without taking it for a while so you came back but you came back at like lunchtime and during the day you were fine yeah but I get zoomies but you got zoomies on crack I honestly have not seen you like that in probably about four five months I don't think yeah I get zoomies ADHD zoomies why I wanted to to play with my nunchucks and do my fruit ninja no I know and I understand in real life I think if I actually haven't seen you like that I forgot what it was like yeah and but now I can't remember you being like that every day that's why women get misagnosed like bipolar and stuff because it's seen as mania do you have to pick between being on it every single day or not

24:09or what would you pick not at all yeah I wouldn't want to then be tied to the fact that I'm on this thing every single day but I can understand the benefits of it this is the problem and I'm also kind of scared that I'm I'm messing up with the chemicals in my brain like what am I doing here you know so I it's really difficult and somebody said something interesting it makes me feel a bit unwell you know like it makes feel really good and they're not so great and and I'm thinking what am I putting in myself you know and I don't do any I do not touch drugs ever you know this about me and I'm very conscious about like what I put in my body and stuff and apart me does think like is this gonna make me have like a fucking heart attack on that or something like this is not this that it doesn't always feel healthy is one for the research books this is one for the research yeah um but yeah somebody said on a on a tick tock um that was

25:11interesting it was actually it was a woman that was being um interviewed on apocas and she's a a psychiatrist yeah so I know it's actually a man who's a psychiatrist and um he said whenever an ADHD person says that they're unmedicated they're never unmedicated they're medicating themselves every single ADHD person meditates themselves whether it be through weed alcohol eight coffees a day like they are medicating themselves um so it's really interesting I just think that when I'm in more of a structure in my life that doesn't require me to take the medication to be so admin heavy within my life then I will be okay and I won't have to take it yeah but I really also do like the fact that I can regulate my emotions better with it too and not get triggered by things as easily so those things once you get like the admin side done you know you've got it and you can just take it when you feel like you want to pour me for a couple days pour me maybe if the world just wasn't so fucked up and stressful stressful and we're living in a life that we shouldn't be living

26:16this is not normal and so I think we live our lives too stressedness not it's not good stressed and structured that's not how humans are designed to live I feel like all of us I think in the last two years everyone just seems more stressed everyone because the world has gotten so dystopian scary and crazy yeah I'm sick of it I'm sick of it should just move to like a Fiji island or something yeah is there such a thing as a Fiji island yeah yeah I love Fiji is it just one aisle I love Fiji is there Fiji Islands I think it's just Fiji you know what my downfall is geography I could not tell you anything is or what it is I thought Africa was a country for a very long time shut up yeah didn't know it was a continent until I was probably like 18 do you want to give you a fun fact again Millie's weird work research yesterday on natural disasters is another thing she was looking at okay we need to figure out what she's doing yesterday and guess

27:21which country has the cleanest water I didn't get it guess which country has the cleanest water Scotland Scotland Scotland is a country it is a country yeah yeah of course it's a country don't do this to me anything down Scotland well yeah just harbor a gas is it would I ever guess it I didn't guess it it surprised me I'll give you three goes Norway nope is it a cold country or hot country I believe cold you believe I believe it's more cold than hot I never been no you've never been no God the cleanest water have I been no no no Russia interesting isn't it I think that's a really good fun fact no why is it I don't know we must find out later are we sure yeah I was looking at

28:27the things of her putin's got something to do with that isn't it did you find it I'm just I'm researching it right now but he's got something to do with that 100 percent I've been learning Russian I know hello bitch which is Priveturka I know I've had you say I know dobre autora which is good morning I know krassiveya devoska she's girlfriend Harashan my chick which is good boy physically I know I'm recording this we're just google chat to beauty Russia doesn't have the cleanest water overall it's probably a claim connected to Lake Baikal Baikal which contains around 20 percent of the world's unfrozen surface freshwater and is exceptionally clear in places Baikal stays unusually clean because it is extremely deep cold and relatively low in nutrients tiny native crustaceans also filter organic material from water but Russia is enormous

29:28and many of the Russian rivers and lakes suffer from industrial agricultural and sewage pollution so Russia has the cleanest waters isn't over generalized nations so it's the lake in Russia because obviously Russia is fucking huge remember they're saying that the lake in there what country I don't know what to say about that but it's Finland right including I know caught hold on several countries effectively tie at the top including Finland Switzerland Iceland Norway Austria and the UK the UK shut up no I want to suck oh no muggy yeah well bring it back to stress I've got a funny segment for you lesbians today I came up with this earlier because I thought me and Liv have wanted to use a soundboard for a while haven't we it's very us it's very us to have a soundboard now we've downloaded it we're going to make everyone's problem we are going to be a menaceous to society people are going to stop hanging out with us and that's okay yeah because

30:28as long as we have our soundboard we can start doing it to strangers that's going to be even funnier imagine doing this to men that try and cuss me out and I've got a soundboard ready I'm putting it on my widget on my home screen yeah but what I thought would be even funnier to go with the soundboard is for me and Liv and by the way we don't know what each other have written me and Liv have written down some of our traumas and misfortune at things that happen to us in our life and we are going to and we are going to respond with the sound from the soundboard every time one of us says it all right okay you go first just hold on let me get my soundboard on and you're going to have to do it but your friend is in big close put it on do not disturb them we don't get okay oh masters come on oh god I've got a fuck I've got an advert I'm going to check my work how do I get rid of my advert say my my sounds aren't working I can't slit and bring it back because that's what I've just had to do oh it's not working oh my fucking god you're joking oh no oh no mine's doing this

31:33maybe take it off do not disturb and see if it makes a difference that's a fucking technology you know what life is stressful it's nothing ever works ever you're not ready soundboard okay so I've now got mine we're going to have to raw dog these and just okay so my raw dogging are reactions because we just had to download a new app and we also don't know what each other are going to say okay so this is your traumas and your misfortune at a new traumas and misfortune at things that have happened to you in your life okay oh my god am I saying that actually yeah are we going to take turns though yeah I've got to put it like by the mic so people can hear it okay one time my dad got arrested at a train station and I was there I was poor and I was at the train station because he was taking me to York and my mum didn't know do you look at him why yeah oh that is so bad yeah

32:48he shouldn't have done that great I would recommend that he did that if I was there I probably would have said let's not do that get arrested some made a counter to just like your dad and I was like yeah yeah yeah that's him that's him yeah the one walking away with the with the with the sounds behind his back well that's him that's my daddy well yeah anyway sorry I need to get one that day therapists told me to cook a dinner as I was too depressed to do what I loved I proceeded to spend 50 pounds in whole foods on tomatoes and overgreens and when it was finally ready after hours of cooking I dropped it on the floor and I slid down so slowly crying yeah I remember this I was there yeah I was there for that one um that was a good one um I okay I was once dumped by my first

33:51girlfriend and she left me in a random park late at night was crying that much in said park that homeless man gave me a kind of fosters and I don't get it why there doesn't need to be a why fine that's just my reaction to that oh my god that is she just walked off and then pick up a I loved the fact that like this crack head was more supportive than she was yeah I like satan had it in the park right now if I was cold that would it oh nice yeah I don't like fosters no no the dry a girl told me she loved me slept with me and then blocked my number I was desperately

34:51do you know what I need a therapist that just does this you know instead of then go we just go yes that's all I want I once got caught after smoking a joint in lockdown so as a knockdown at her had a joint that my mom had gone to bed I'm not by the police by your mom I'm a mom which is worse yeah I kicked in man she's kicking us fucking starving I need those chocolate cake and a fridge to let myself nice little slice tuddled up to bed obviously the whiff of weed went through mum comes storming through mm-hmm that's a monster she's gonna hate me saying that and she just proceeded to take loads of photos of my bloodshot eyes and kept showing me going look at you you you just like your dad he's dad that been arrested when you were four years old and tried to kidnap you yeah exactly all I could think about was how I just wanted

35:55to eat my chocolate cake in it so hard did you eat it she took it off me oh my god I know thanks mum you know me cake I suffered anxiety and depression so bad as a kid that I couldn't go to school so my mum told me that the police was gonna take her away and I ruined her life I was trapped in the car nice you didn't know that was what it was gonna be I didn't know he's gonna like click up the star nice nice nice we're struggling so bad through the breakup that a spiritual reader took 500 pounds for me she made me take a moon water-based crystal and rapid and pink fire broke with affirmations written on paper for my ex with 50 pounds in cash and had it shoved in my bra every single day for two months spent 20 minutes each day speaking the affirmations out loud

36:57with a frequency sound on whilst going up and down with incense um all because she told me it would heal my ex wrapped around it was 50 quid right you could have come and it in five pound notes do you remember oh my god and they had to be in five pound so I had to find ten five pound notes to the shop and I had to go and get the change you remember I went to so many different shops wouldn't do if you didn't know how I managed to do it that was outrageous I will build a great great wall on our southern border and I will have Mexico pay for that wall yeah yeah you know why the omega sound like that yeah um yeah you build that wall all right we were able to get Mexicans to build it because they called me shit sorry going um my actress didn't send me a

37:58card of flowers for my brothers anniversary because you didn't want to rub it in that that that did I changed my ex boyfriend's name and my phone to a girl that I fancied so I felt like she was the one that was actually texting me and then I started texting him I was 15 yeah that checks out yeah that checks out it was only for an hour okay guys um okay well I was going to give you this is actually your trauma okay okay it's funny thanks you want an arrayed tried to kick a dip t-candle and didn't smash it instead you stubbed your toe down that will go down in history yeah yeah can dip t-candle for that please my parents had

39:01alter egos with different names and more trench coats and holding umbrellas to punish us and so that it was scarous or shitless to the point where now when someone's being mean to me I put it down as their alter ego so never fully hold them accountable yeah yeah that's just a big no no no no wrong decision wrong decision yeah I actually message my sisters that was Germans bunch problem brackets loud out I actually message my sisters as I remembered it on route here and I um because they've all got kids now I said just thinking about Mr. and Mrs. Jones would you ever do that to okay that was their alter ego name was Mr. and Mrs. Jones my sister Lauren said never I remember mum mainly doing it but a particular time when she would leave and then Mrs. Jones would come in on a coat and turn all the bright lights on oh my god that's probably why I hate the main light maybe she did do that she'd walk in click click all the main lights are on

40:04hmm that checks out yeah oh my god not me like understanding something about myself on here uh she said I remember us being petrified in the lounging crying for mum because we were crying for our mum even though it was our mum we're like where's my mum like you're like soaps at we clearly thought it was either someone else or just begging for our actual mum character to come therapist would have a field day with us probably why we all hate bright lights in rooms I feel an edge and really uncomfortable that checks out oh didn't mum also pack your bags fray I and put you in the car and pretend to take you to the White House in Dornie that's terrifying Jenny don't arm uh she's just Christ go and give me another trauma um my ex rinsed me for all my money and when I broke up with her she just said okay

41:07that is do you know what that is how I felt when she said okay okay that's your decision and just got a blocked way that she's like that she's been playing just around me as she walked up to the distance this is something that I've mentioned on the podcast before but unlike our very first one girl told me she had a mummy kink and then sucked my nipples oh my god ew I forgot about this one hang on uh there ain't nothing wow wow wow about that wow that's given like the beginning of like a porno wow wow wow so there's nipples that big big time there ain't nothing careless whisper about that honey nothing careless whisper about that it was no that was a bit of a foreshadowing it was the same girl that Tommy that she loved me and then blocked me so that was fun um that's all that and tonight folks that's all we've got time for

42:12on today's news that is all we have time for mum using milk and tune in next week to see what kind of daddy issues we might have to uh guys we love you so much we are going to go and try and get frozen your go we are from youchi and this just in if you're going to youchi please stay away because we've been wanting to go for weeks and we can't if you're going to youchi don't don't fuck off fuck off yeah fuck off anyway guys we love you and we will speak to you next week bye that's me go to youchi I've got one bye lesbians bye bye guys