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educationself improvement
Your Dream Partner Isn't On Your Checklist
About this Episode
# When "Almost Perfect" Is Holding You Back
Let's talk about the checklist. You know the one – tall, funny, successful, shares your love of hiking, makes a certain amount of money, has the right educational background. We all have one, whether we admit it or not.
Here's what I've learned after years of helping people find lasting love: that checklist might be your biggest obstacle.
I recently worked with Sarah, a brilliant 34-year-old who couldn't understand why she kept having three-month relationships that fizzled out. When we dug deeper, the pattern became clear – she was dating her type perfectly. Every guy checked her boxes. But none of them felt right beyond the initial spark.
The problem wasn't her standards. It was that she was focused on specifications rather than substance.
**The Difference Between Standards and Specifications**
Standards are about how someone treats you, their character, and their values. Specifications are about what someone looks like on paper. Standards should be non-negotiable. Specifications should be flexible.
When you're stuck on specifications, you might pass over someone who's 5'9" instead of 6'2", or who works as a teacher instead of in tech. But you could be missing someone with unwavering integrity, emotional intelligence, and a sense of humor that makes ordinary Tuesday evenings feel special.
**Try This Instead**
After your next date, don't ask yourself "Did they check my boxes?" Ask yourself:
- Did I feel like I could be myself around them?
- Did they listen and seem genuinely curious about me?
- Do our values align on the things that truly matter?
- Did time feel different when we were together?
**The Chemistry Confusion**
Another trap: waiting for lightning-bolt chemistry. Sometimes the best relationships start with a slow burn. That comfortable, easy feeling you might dismiss as "not enough spark" could actually be the foundation of something real. Not every great love story starts with fireworks – some start with a gentle warmth that grows into something unshakeable.
**Your Action Step**
Next time you're dating, try the "three-date experiment." If there are no red flags but also no instant fireworks, give it three dates before deciding. You'd be surprised how many lasting relationships started with someone thinking "I'm not sure yet."
The goal isn't to settle. It's to open yourself up to being surprised. The person who makes you happiest might not be the person you would have swiped right on when you were 25. And that's not just okay – that's growth.
Your perfect match isn't a list of attributes. It's a person who brings out the best in you and builds a life that feels like home.
This content was created in partnership and with the help of Artificial Intelligence AI
Let's talk about the checklist. You know the one – tall, funny, successful, shares your love of hiking, makes a certain amount of money, has the right educational background. We all have one, whether we admit it or not.
Here's what I've learned after years of helping people find lasting love: that checklist might be your biggest obstacle.
I recently worked with Sarah, a brilliant 34-year-old who couldn't understand why she kept having three-month relationships that fizzled out. When we dug deeper, the pattern became clear – she was dating her type perfectly. Every guy checked her boxes. But none of them felt right beyond the initial spark.
The problem wasn't her standards. It was that she was focused on specifications rather than substance.
**The Difference Between Standards and Specifications**
Standards are about how someone treats you, their character, and their values. Specifications are about what someone looks like on paper. Standards should be non-negotiable. Specifications should be flexible.
When you're stuck on specifications, you might pass over someone who's 5'9" instead of 6'2", or who works as a teacher instead of in tech. But you could be missing someone with unwavering integrity, emotional intelligence, and a sense of humor that makes ordinary Tuesday evenings feel special.
**Try This Instead**
After your next date, don't ask yourself "Did they check my boxes?" Ask yourself:
- Did I feel like I could be myself around them?
- Did they listen and seem genuinely curious about me?
- Do our values align on the things that truly matter?
- Did time feel different when we were together?
**The Chemistry Confusion**
Another trap: waiting for lightning-bolt chemistry. Sometimes the best relationships start with a slow burn. That comfortable, easy feeling you might dismiss as "not enough spark" could actually be the foundation of something real. Not every great love story starts with fireworks – some start with a gentle warmth that grows into something unshakeable.
**Your Action Step**
Next time you're dating, try the "three-date experiment." If there are no red flags but also no instant fireworks, give it three dates before deciding. You'd be surprised how many lasting relationships started with someone thinking "I'm not sure yet."
The goal isn't to settle. It's to open yourself up to being surprised. The person who makes you happiest might not be the person you would have swiped right on when you were 25. And that's not just okay – that's growth.
Your perfect match isn't a list of attributes. It's a person who brings out the best in you and builds a life that feels like home.
This content was created in partnership and with the help of Artificial Intelligence AI
Hosts & Guests
No transcript available for this episode.
