What You Need in Life | ReWire 1901

0:00Welcome to the rewire podcast. I'm your host Ryan Stoeman and I'm here to rewire your mind for success You were put on this planet for success. You were created to succeed But the force of average is after you every single day my brothers and sisters and this podcast is the one thing This design to help you fight the force of average and excel in every area of your life. We're glad that you're here Paging Dr. Stoeman Paging Dr. Stoeman Today I am not a doctor. I am not medically licensed I didn't even graduate high school. So take what I'm about to tell you very seriously But before you just take action on this you should research it and maybe talk to somebody a little smarter than I am Here's the thing. I'm fucking smart and I'm right I'm telling you what I'm gonna say is really smart and really right But it may not be really smart and really right for everybody because if you're already on some kind of medicine or some shit like that

1:00You can't just stop taking it Okay, so I have to say these disclosures because I assume you guys are super smart right But then there's always somebody who doesn't belong here that somewhere somehow stumbled across it And I don't want them to suffer from their lack of understanding how we roll around here Okay, so I got Dr. Stoeman here with a prescription for life This is what you need You don't need depression medicine You don't need anxiety medicine You don't need to go learn how to cope you don't need therapy Here's what you need first you need to quit eating bullshit Now what is bullshit right because everybody always says that and it's some vague shit what is bullshit In my opinion bullshit is anything you can get from a convenience store Here's the beautiful thing There's bullshit, but then there's good shit that's just like the bullshit Just not as tasty as the bullshit What I mean is there's like rice crispy treats in the gas station But then if you go to Whole Foods they sell a version of rice crispy treats That tastes just as good but the flavor is a little bit different because it's more natural healthy stuff for you

2:04You can go get gif peanut butter and it's got a bunch of additives and stuff like that Or you can get the natural real stuff from a place like Whole Foods or Amazon And you can get the natural stuff sent to you and you can eat it So if you like snicker bars go order a first form pretzel chocolate protein bar If you like Snickers and you like butter finger or Milky Way go get you a chocolate pretzel first form protein bar Go order them They sell them impacts alike. I don't know fucking 10 or 20 Go order them Have them sent to your house and every time you want to eat a snicker eat one of those motherfuckers First of all they taste better than Snickers right you can't believe it's a protein bar My wife's like this has to be candy and second of all it's good for you So instead of going and eating french fries maybe you debate potato or mashed potatoes Right maybe throw some greens into your life Well, most of your shit can be fixed diet-wise by just drinking a green smoothie every day If you've got door dash you can order a green smoothie every day If you've got somewhere in your local neighborhood that you can get a green smoothie

3:06Five days weak green smoothie man your bowel is gonna work right your guts gonna be less acidic Your butthole's gonna thank you because vegetables make the doodoo slide y'all So some of y'all need some vegetables you spend a two damn long on the toilet especially a lot of you guys all right So number one eat healthy number two go to the gym This is my prescription for the healthiest best life ever where you don't need medicine go to the gym Go to the gym and do cardio It's not about bench press in 200 300 400 pounds not about squat in two 300 pounds It's about moving It's about being limber and being lean I'm not asking you to go turn into Steve Ku Klow or Steve weatherford or pastor craft Right, I'm just telling you go to the gym move around because here's a simple math equation for you to remember calories consume Minus calories burn equal calories retain the least amount of calories retained is the goal every day And finally the last part of this three-part prescription eat healthy Go to the gym and make sure especially guys you haven't sex at least three times a week

4:08If you're single have sex with yourself at least three times a week But you can't store that stuff up you store that stuff up man It clouds your judgment it clouds your mind that post-nut clarity is worth millions of dollars to a lot of men out here No, if you're regularly getting laid your prostate is working well If you regularly get laid and you're eating healthy and you're in the gym 99% of your problems will go away Right, oh your chick don't like you ladies don't like you you eat and write go into the gym now you develop things that ladies like They're called muscles Huh imagine that you're not making money your low energy eat right go to the gym now you got energy now You got muscles guess what people buy more from pretty people Check the stats For two or three years under the Biden administration They had a bunch of fat ugly people and commercials a lot of companies went out of business Think about it That's my prescription for life You've got it on the pad now go take it to the pharmacy and cash it in