What Happened To Mario?

Okay, let's see here. So I went to the movie. This is where the whole thing started before I went on the diet tribe two episodes ago

But I went to the movies this weekend to see this ready or not. Oh

So that's how I got down that path talking about how ready or not came out in 2019 and time flies. Yes. Okay

So I saw the movie. I liked it was mostly the same as the first movie

But I like it. I think it's funny. It's horror comedy. I enjoy it

But some of the trailers that ran before the movie had my attention

Okay, so let's do this. It's played a couple commercials and I will talk about what had my attention about these trailers

First of all, I know very little about Spider-Man last time I watched any sort of Spider-Man movie it had Toby McGuire in it

I'm not a comic book superhero dude. It's just not my thing

So I don't really pay a lot of attention to it

But one thing I did notice and granted this is not the most important thing in the world

It's not something I'm gonna yell and scream about. It's not something that's gonna get me all worked up

I'm not gonna run to Facebook and tell you about the death of Disney and all the shit

But I did notice that Mary Jane is now black which hey rock on I'm fine with that

I don't really care. I mean look when we live in a world where there'd ever be a white black panther

No, but okay fine. It is what it is. I don't care. It's not like I'm upset over it

Although in hashtag my Spider-Man Mary Jane was like some red hair chick from what I recall

But I'm not passionate enough about superhero movies to be super angry or like you know pissed off about the fact that you know

Spider-Man his lady is now black. Don't care. I know it's noticeable. I just don't care

Right, that's how things are supposed to be right like anytime you say I don't sleep color

Well then people say you need to see color

Well, okay, then I see color and fine, but I and I don't care. So I'm a perfect human I guess

But then something else that did bother me because I did not know this

Because I don't really pay attention to Mario

But there's a new Mario Brothers movie coming out with with you Mario and his pod and Luigi his brother because they're the Mario Brothers and

Which is weird considering that like they're the Mario Brothers, but Mario and Luigi are two separate people

whatever

That's it

Something really stood out to me about this and I'm well aware that I'm well behind on this I get that

But I noticed because it's obvious

That Mario doesn't sound like Mario anymore. He sounds like Chris Pratt

That's the voice of Mario apparently now the voice of Mario is Chris Pratt

Over my dead body and this bothers me because in my mind as a as a boy of of bygone era

I am of the belief that Mario should sound like an old school

Immigrant Italian immigrant man, and that's how he should sound. That's it's me Mario

That's how Mario should sound Mario should not sound like Chris Pratt Mario like in case you didn't know

Mario was an immigrant an Italian immigrant and he like migrated to Brooklyn or some such shit and then ended up in like the mushroom world

But he's supposed to sound like this me Mario

He's not supposed to sound like Chris Pratt

He's not supposed to sound like just a basic human. He's supposed to sound like a stereotypical Italian man

He's supposed to sound like the kind of stereotypical Italian man that like would be a character in a Spike Lee joint

That's what he's supposed to be

He's not supposed to sound basic ass Chris Pratt. He's supposed to sound like

That's what he's supposed to sound like

But instead now what we've done is we've taken Mario. I don't know if this is I don't know if this is won't culture

I don't know what it is. I don't know who to blame for this because I don't think it's super offensive

Like when does anybody ever care that they offend Italians like we're allowed to make Italian characters and stereotypes all the time

That's all the that's all Italian movies are

But like Mario is supposed to be in a world where he sounds like he's having Sunday dinner with his mama me

Yeah, it's what he's supposed to sound like he's supposed to sound like he calls the

The the he calls the the sauce the gravy because he's a daddy and he dips the bread and the gravy

That's what he's supposed to sound like he's supposed to sound like a stereotypical like he's supposed to sound like what the Italian guy on the pizza box looks like

But instead we don't get that what we get is Chris Freakin Pratt which nobody wants

Wrong drop that is from dirty dancing

Why does Josh have a drop from dirty dancing that's unlabeled you might ask well

That's because going back to our boy Justin Timberlake

Wow, you guys are wild man, and then that goes back to you while

All that said

When I watch Mario and again, I don't follow it closely anymore and I don't play a lot of you know video games and all this shit

but

when I think of Mario I

Think of stereotypical Italian voice. I don't think of Chris Pratt

That's what I think of and I'm just heartened by the fact that we have taken Mario and we've ruined it

I don't care that sleeping beauty or snow wide or whoever the fuck it was is some Mexican chick or his panic chick

That doesn't bother me. You know black, you know black Superman black captain America

That shit doesn't faze me because that's not something I'm interested in

I don't care about that shit

But I grew up playing Mario and I grew up for decades hearing Mario's voice

Sound like that

What I didn't grow up with is Mario sounding like Chris Pratt over my dead body who wanted this

I'm sure there were other I'm know I'm way behind on this because this is the second movie with Chris Pratt

I'm well aware that I'm way behind the times on this

But I saw the trailer

Like I didn't care that like that that what's his name John Ralfield from Parks and Recreation

I did the voice of Sonic because I never really thought a Sonic's voice, you know what I'm saying

But it'd be like if they took Sonic and they made him like you know like neon orange or some shit

You know if they change the color of Sonic no Sonic at his core is like the blue little hedgehog and

Fine they didn't really go and change anybody at the core of that

I mean the voice of Mario is part of the core of Mario

It's not this over my dead body. He's a plumber

He's an Italian plumber. What have we done?

We've ruined it is what we've done. We can't have anything. It's me Mario

But instead

What do we get we get Chris Freaking Pratt that nobody asked for?

What do you guys think Mario does like in a spare like like I think about this a lot

I say a lot

I thought about it a lot today because after I saw that trailer and talked about it on the radio show a little bit like I wonder what Mario does

Just like as far as like on his day-to-day bait like day-to-day

What does Mario do and how does he sound whenever he's like doing some actual plumbing because he's a plumber

Do we ever see like Mario actually like get called in like is he on call like when he's down in like mushroom world or whatever

Does he like is he on call does like does he like is he like roto-rooter or some such shit?

Is he an independent does he work on his own does he just have his own truck?

You know kind of like a janky type person who is his own boss, but like his truck is sort of janky

Like the kind of place you wouldn't actually call because he doesn't put a lot of effort into his logo and shit

So you call the chain place or the big big name place that will probably be more money

But you're not gonna call this guy because like bro put a little bit more effort into your logo you look like a bum

Like is that what Mario does and his Luigi who's his brother?

Is he also a plumber are they both plumbers or is he like a plumbers apprentice or like does he do some other type of thing to see

He like an electrician. I assume they're both plumbers, but still and

Then like when he goes in like does he have I mean, I would imagine he has the accent when he goes in and does some plumbing work, too

So he goes into someone's house. He's like oh, you're sick as a stopped up. We need to a snake it. Yeah

I'm just I'm disappointed the world disappoints me as what I'm getting at here

And I know it's my fault for you know, you're allowing myself to maybe believe that you're in magic

Maybe it's my fault because I still believe that there were certain things that were sacred

You know sleeping beauty not sacred snow white not sacred

Captain America not sacred Captain America be black Captain America be a woman for all we care who gives a shit

But one thing that I thought was sacred is that Mario

Sounded like a stereotypical Italian man

Like I want my Mario to be involved in like racial conflict with with you know

Spike Lee in a Spike Lee joint. That's what I want here

What I cannot have

Is Mario sounding like Chris Pratt?

You've taken everything that makes Mario awesome like like anybody who grew up watching that shit doesn't want to see this

They don't want to see that just normal voiced person being Mario

We're here for stereotypes. It's the only stereotype that can still be allowed

And we can't even do that because we're broken as a society and this proves it

I didn't want to believe that we were dead as a society dead inside that we were broken

But we're broken and this was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. We're officially broken

More to come