Vault: How Does She Open Up To Her Estranged Mother?

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1:00The Bert Show. Brit, you're back. What's going on? Welcome out. You're in one piece, at least physically. It's like rockin' music, bet. I really like that there. Well done, dog. Hey, what's going on? You tell us, man. This is going to be stressed. For those that weren't listening the Friday you took off, just give a, I know it was a complicated family history, but if you had to do it. I wasn't raised by my mom. I was raised by her parents, and I was sort of in touch with her on and off my whole life. I've been a lot closer since I was about 18, 19 years old, but not. I've probably only seen her half a dozen times since then, you know, and I'm 30 now. So the last time I saw her was in 2004, the summer 2004, I went and visited her, and that went okay, you know. What do you mean by okay? Well, I think usually what happens when I go to see her is the first day goes fine, the second day goes fine, the third day we have some giant blow-up fight, and everybody's reduced to tears, and she says, I'm sending you home, and then somehow we work it out and the rest of the business. I'm sending you home sounds so seven-year-old. I got that again this time. It was good.

2:01You did. You threatened to send you home. No tears this time, though. I have just, it's a whole thing. I'm just, I'm sending you home. I'm sending you home. When you're at camp and you do something wrong, send you home to your parents. If you wear the rug. Yes. I've learned to deal with her a lot better. That's basically what I learned from this visit is that I personally have grown up a lot, even if she hasn't. So I wish that it was a more exciting story. I wish I had some like huge, like this happened, and then I said this, and she said that, but it wasn't, it wasn't a great visit, but it wasn't a terrible visit. Nothing awful happens. Was it about three days in when she was going to send you home? It was, yeah. It always is. The thing is, you know, as soon as I got there, and she was real uncomfortable. She was really uncomfortable the whole time. Well, she didn't even come to the airport to pick you up. She didn't come to the airport to pick me up, and you know, the funny thing is I got there to their house, and I got out of the car, and I went up, and I was going to give her a hug, and she turned around and walked into the house, and I was like, what? Okay. And then I walked up to her in the house to give her a hug, and she was saying something else,

3:02and I'm like, can I hug you? And then she was like, oh, right. You know, she doesn't know how to do it at all. No, she doesn't know how to do it. And that's the thing. You know, she just, it just makes her real, real, uncomfortable. And you know, the whole first day that I was there, she kept saying, well, you really shouldn't have come. You should have stayed home. I got a new dog. I got a new rescue dog. She kept saying, you should have stayed home with your dog, and you should have done the, you know, and I don't know why you wanted to come here anyway, because you're just going to be bored. And I'm like, are you trying to still convince me to not come? Because I'm here. Yeah. Right. So, I mean, here's what you told us about your mom is that I mean, she was, she's always been uncomfortable being a mom. She doesn't know how to do it. So she didn't, no, I said this to you before. She didn't know how to do it then. Why would she all of a sudden how to do it now? Yeah. Well, and because of that, I think she's always been kind of uncomfortable with my interest in her. You know what I mean? Like, if she's uncomfortable with being a mom, and I'm looking at her and going, be my mom now. Okay, do it. Um, which I'm not, but she feels like I am, and she doesn't know what to do. So, you know, the whole time I was there, she was really uncomfortable. She was very self-conscious. She kept saying, oh, you probably hate our house. Every

4:07meal, it was like, oh, you probably hate this food. And it was, oh, it feels like a combination of the, it was not wanting to be a mom. And then still caring about what you thought, though. I mean, I think it's like this really weird mixed message. Yeah. And, you know, to me, it sounds so alien life form that I'm fascinated by how, in Bert's mom's life, like, there are a lot of people that think she's really normal, like in her career life and all of that kind of stuff. Like her patients, like her patients, patients. Yeah. Oh lord. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, but in your family life, I think she's so alien. So like, is your mom in the same way? Like, she's, uh, no, no, nobody really thinks she's that normal. I don't think, um, well, my mom has done. It's a little bit, that's a little bit misleading because my, in my opinion, my mom has surrounded herself with people just like she is. So if you're an alien amongst aliens, then you're the normal one. Yeah. Okay. Okay. My mom has done that to a degree. But the thing is she doesn't,

5:07you know, I used to think that there was a possibility she would come visit me here. And I, a lot of times I think, oh, I should take my mom this place. She would really like this. She'd really like to come and meet all my pets because she loves animals. But, um, after being there, I, I don't think there's any way I'm going to see her. But you said she is. She's not going to come visit me at all. She, when people come, my stepfather has friends around in the area and the neighborhood and things. When they come over to the house, she goes upstairs. She doesn't want to talk to anyone. Well, she's got social anxiety and some sort, right? Yeah, she does. Yeah, for sure. So she was just uncomfortable the whole time. And then she started saying things like, well, you're just spraying yourself on us. Well, you just showed up here uninvited, you know. And I was like, well, I asked you if I could come. And she said, well, you know, you're my daughter. What am I supposed to say? Am I supposed to say no? And I said, well, you could have told me it was a bad time. If it's a bad time, you could have said that. And I wouldn't have come. That's why I asked you in the first place, you know, but all of these things that she says, you know, in the past definitely would have really upset me, you know, telling me that I was there uninvited. And this time

6:09I was just like, yeah, whatever. She's consistent with it. Yeah. This defense mechanism. She never stopped the whole time I was there. And she, um, she would be so uncomfortable. I actually spent a lot of time just hanging out in my room, just reading and doing other stuff, you know, and I would give her a generous amount of time every day to just be by yourself. Here's the problem. Like, you and I are going through sort of the same thing with our parents also. I've been talked to too much about it on the air just because it's so complicated and it just feels so 17 year old. But like, I keep lowering the bar for my parents, lowering it and lowering it and lowering it to a point to where like, it's not acceptable anymore. Yeah. Like just because they're your parents, it's just not acceptable for them to hurt you or you can't lower it so much to where you're like, okay, go ahead. Do it. That's just who you are. Go ahead and hurt me and my family. That's absolutely how I feel about my dad. And I think my mom, I've just gotten to the point where I'm like, I accept anything you're going to do at this point and you can't whatever. Well, you know, I don't know. Does it hurt you? I mean, when she says things like this and well,

7:13you know, like you said, in the past, if this were five years ago, and I was there and she said something like, well, you just showed up here uninvited. Um, I would have felt really bad. I would have felt like, oh, my God, I'm here and they don't want me here. But now I can look at her and see she's just really uncomfortable. She's just really self-conscious. You know, she doesn't know how to act. She doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know what to do. It's not about me. It's about her, you know, and I can just go, okay, well, you need some time to yourself. It's a really mature perspective. And there's only so no place on the show. Yeah. Really. We would have known this was your take. Well, in the sad thing is that, you know, I left and I could tell that she was sad when I was leaving, you know, and the whole visit, I was there and we didn't, well, we talked a little bit. We didn't really talk a ton. It was very, I mean, it was very superficial kind of visit. Like we ate every day and we watched in TV and then I went home, you know, and like I say, I gave her a lot of time on her own every day. And I left and I saw a Twitter message from her when I got home that night that said, um,

8:14I don't know why, but every time the kid leaves, I cry or like I sob for an hour straight. And it's like, well, that's really sad that she cried after I left, but why wasn't she more, well, she might have taken my picture. The Jeff was saying is that she doesn't know how to, yeah, like with people when they're one on one in front of her. It's almost so unfair to you that that's a little bit like using a golf analogy. Like you play 17 holes a golf and you suck, suck, suck, suck, suck. And then you play one hole where you do it just so well, so you know, it keeps bringing you back. Like you weren't even having fun for five days. It was awful. And then when you leave, you see the pain in your mom's eyes, so all of a sudden, you're like, well, I got it, I got it at the same time. It wasn't terrible. It wasn't like, I hated it. I wasn't that uncomfortable, even though she was uncomfortable. I was like, well, I'm just gonna be here. And you know, my stepfather is we get along fine. So I would just talk to him. And at least I can, you know, commiserate with him a little bit. And she did say one thing. She said that was really funny before I left was that she told me that she had been lonely all week because usually her and I talk online every day. So you're ready for her and she told me that she had been lonely all week because we hadn't, she hadn't had me online to talk to you. I'm like,

9:17I'm ready now. Maybe you should have hi himder from the other room. Yeah, totally. So, but wow. It was terrible. It wasn't great. I think that probably from now on, at least for, you know, the next couple of years, it's better for us to have like an online relationship. And if in another five years, I feel compelled to go visit her again or try to make it work out again, then I'll probably go visit her and see if anything's changed, you know. And then you get to the point you realize she's not going to change. Well, I don't know that she is. I'm not expecting her to at this point. I'm just leaving the possibility open and I don't know. You know, like, I'm fine with it. I went. I did what I could do. I know. I made my effort and yeah, you did what you could. Congratulations. If you want to talk to Britney, she's on after 10 o'clock, or you can Facebook or also or you can go to our website. You can Twitter me, Q 100 Britney, you can I am me, you can call me on the phone. The virtual