To question is to consider, not refute

Tomorrow you have plans to go to an event with a friend. You made the plans a month ago. You ask your friend, “Do you still want to go?”

Your friend says, “What? You don’t want to? Then forget it. I’ll ask someone else!”

You say, “Wait! I never said I don’t want to! Just asking.”

Some people hear questions as disinclinations. You say, “Why are we going?” They hear, “I don’t want to go.”

Maybe they grew up around people who are indirect, and use questions to communicate cancellation. But questioning is necessary for exploring ideas.

I publicly said that I’m enjoying building a house, questioning everything about it. What are walls for? Do we need a kitchen? What’s the purpose of a roof? Some people heard my questions as refutes, then said I’m being stupid and should just go camping.

We question to consider why things are the way they are. We see if old reasons apply to a new situation. Maybe they do. But maybe there’s a better way.

Maybe your friend says, “Yes I really want to attend that event, with or without you.” But maybe your friend says, “Yes because I really miss talking with you.” In that case, the event would be a noisy distraction, and you’d have a better time going somewhere quiet to talk. But you’d never know if you don’t ask. And you’d never ask if you mistake questions for cancellations.

Doubting is not denying. Asking is not aversion. Questioning is just part of considering.