the inABiLity to sEttle within oneSELF

0:00I've been trying to figure out what's been coming through all morning. It's been very confusing, and it's going to say it's like swings, but it hasn't been swings. Anyway, what was interesting was I think I may have gotten to the crocs of it, and it's like, we don't know what the fuck we want. We really don't know what the fuck we want. We think we want something. We go after it, we get it, we attain it, and then we're like, I was going to say bored with it, but we're over it, or on to the next, or ready for whatever. But it's because it's not. It's almost like the chase is what we want. The excitement, the life, the contrast is what we want. To live is what we want. To experience is what we want. But then we deem set experience as good or bad,

1:02so we're constantly seeking and searching for more good. But outside ourselves, with the inability to settle within oneself, and then when we do settle within oneself, we can only tolerate so much of that, before that also gets boring. It's stupid. It's like, we just don't know what the fuck we want. This is why we keep living until we can decide and settle in. I think that's the best I can sum up of what I was going to say was also kind of like antsy, but that's not it either. It was like everything was just on the edge of something. The edge of antsy, edge of irritation, edge of frustrating, edge of boredom,

2:03edge of excitement, edge of eager, edge of... It was like, great, but not that. And so that was when I finally was like, this energy doesn't know what the fuck it wants. So you haven't lived enough, none of us have lived enough. That's why we keep coming back to keep deciding. You want more of this and less of that, more of this and less of that, more of this and less of that. But we don't want to say less of that. We just want to say more, more, more of what we do find. But I think that's part of it. It's like we don't know what we want. It's like we don't even know how to be honest with ourselves. This is why we think, we want X, Y, or Z, and then we get it more like... Like that's not satisfying. That's the saying of, enjoy the journey. Because it's actually the journey that you're looking for.

3:03It's not actually the destination that you seek. That's the illusion that we believe. And if you get stuck on that illusion, then you're forever chasing the carrot. And not enjoying the journey. That's the idea of you're not being in the present moment. You're not living in the here and now. Not new news. But it's the balance that we all seem to bump our little heads in and out of. This is why most people usually find some form of purpose to identify with, to ground themselves in that identity, to keep them satiated. This energy isn't that though. It doesn't even seek an identity per se.

4:06It seems to be new or something to me. It's like, how refreshing, right? But it is all on the edge of something. It's like, I'm on the edge of, I don't care, or I'm bored with it already, or I'm something. Not as intrigued as I'd like to be. This damn Alexa, it's been stopping all morning again. Plays for a short amount of time and then just stops. I was happening for quite some time. Although I gotta tell you, it's quite lovely at times, because it allows me to pick up all the other noises,

5:07and then I fall into meditation. So it's actually been a very good thing. Can you hear the wind? I don't know if you can hear all that. It's the wind mixed with now, cars, and I believe a helicopter. I suppose it's a busy day out there. Thanks so much for tuning in and listening. You can now purchase an audio journey with me using the link below.