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The First Nighter Program - Love Is Stranger Than Fiction

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The First Nighter Program - Love Is Stranger Than Fiction

Classic Radio Drama

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Classic Radio DramaThe First Nighter Program - Love Is Stranger Than Fiction. Machine-transcribed; use the interactive transcript above to jump the player to any line.

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Theater time, Broadway, and tonight a new player scheduled for its premier performance at the little theater of Times Square. If you've never attended an opening night on the Great White Way, then you have the treat of a lifetime in store for you. And here is our host for the evening, the genial first-nighter. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Traffic is slow these wintery nights, so let's be off to an early start, shall we? My cab is waiting, won't you step in? All right, driver to the little theater. A Broadway across 42nd Street, pass the Paramount Theatre, the Astro Hotel, and now just ahead is the little theater of Times Square. Probably here we are. At your ticket, please, at your ticket, please. Good evening, Mr. First-Natter, the Usual show you two seats. Thank you. We'll go right in. Here we are in excellent seats, and I must say that this is a typically fashionable first-nighter audience. Flameras, ladies, are exhibiting fortunes and jewels and pearls. There's one of those fabulously expensive mink wraps right across the aisle from me,

but let's get down to the business of the evening. I see Frank Worth conducting the famous first-nighter orchestra, and here's the news about the play. It's a brand-new comedy romance called Love is Stranger than Fiction, written by Irvin Tidal, and co-starring Olen-Suley and Barbara Lutty. Mr. Suley is cast as Mr. Blake, the publisher. Miss Lutty plays the role of Louise, his secretary, and the supporting cast is a star-studded roster too, including her Butterfield, Willow-Warren, Virginia Greg, Jerry Hausner, and other famous names. And now it's just about time for the curtain to rise. There's the signal for first curtain. The house lights are out, and here's the play. Louise, look at that, will you? What book heads the bestsellers in Terraholt? Purple Petals by Phoebe St. Flair, published by Allsoft Brothers. In Pittsburgh, Purple Petals. In Montreal, Hartford and Gary Indiana. Purple Petals. And here's the play.

Louise, look at that, will you? What book heads the bestsellers in Terraholt? Purple Petals by Phoebe St. Flair, published by Allsoft Brothers. Gary Indiana. Purple Petals by Phoebe St. Flair. Well, don't stand there repeating my words. Benson and Blake is supposed to be the most aggressive publishing house in the business, and we haven't had a bestseller in two years. And an upstart firm like Allsoft Brothers steals this book right under our noses. Our noses. Mr. Allen Blake, I've been your secretary long enough for you to know that I insist on accuracy from an employer above all else. Well, what do you mean, didn't we turn down the... We didn't. When I gave you the Purple Petals manuscript, attached to it with three enthusiastic reports from our three readers, and a note of mine. Remember what it said? Well, let's easy to say I told you so. It said, I wish I'd written this book because it'll sell a million copies. Remember what you said. How on earth do you expect me to... You said it reminded you of a boiled orange, very soggy pap colored on the outside. Yeah. So I didn't, so it is. Yeah, it's in its eighth printing inside a year. Movie rights sold for half a million, and you turned it down. That's the been smoking hashies.

But who is Phoebe St. Flair? If we could only find her and tell her that some unauthorized maniac in our office rejected her book, then maybe we'd have a chance at her next one. Well, you've spent scads of B&B's money for detectives to watch the All-Sop offices to see if they could discover who Mr. Clare is. I've tried everything and not a clue. She hates publicity. Well, Louise, I've known for some time that Joe All-Sop has offered you everything with their printing presses to work for him. Why do you stick here? Oh, I'm just contrary. Or maybe it's that old proverb about rats and a sinking ship. Listen, if we don't get a book that will sell soon, there just won't be a ship. You want to look at this manuscript now, Mr. Blake? Oh, frankly, Ms. Jones, no. What is it? It's called Heart Flows the Sea by a new writer. Steven Shad Stronghurst. What do you think of it?

Well, honestly, I don't remember when I've been so excited about a book. I thought you said about 10 acres and look what that took, he did to us. Oh, it's not my opinion alone this time. Both Henderson and Simon have written two pages about it. Oh, that's always a health. At least we're sure of three sales if we publish it. Oh, what's this? Oh, Louise read it too, that's her comment. Last time I said, I wish I'd written this book because it'll sell a million copies. At the risk of repeating myself, I'm repeating myself, Louise. Anything else, Mr. Blake? No, no, just tell the switchboard, I'm not to be disturbed for the next three hours. But look, Alan, it's after five and I got a very important date with a very important girl. I don't care if you've got an important date with Rita Hayworth, you stay right here. Oh, well, why me? I'm going to miss the 540. You're our publicity director and this man is scripted to Sahara.

I want you to start thinking about Angles Prado. We're putting all our eggs in this 400 page basket. What's the masterpiece about? Oh, Harry, it's about life and love and all the elements. It's a roisterous, boisterous sea story and the smell of salt sprays sting your eyes as you read it. And after you wipe your eyes, then what? It's Conrad and Jack London and Robert Lewis Stevenson, plus women and in Technicolor. Harry, get on your typewriter, I want a big treatment. Well, I'm glad you agree with me this time that it's a great book. Great book, why I couldn't sleep last night just thinking about the possibilities. I'm getting this man strong hers down here immediately. Have you contacted him? I'm sending him a wire. I've come to the conclusion that the book must be the story of his own life. The life of a reckless, two-fisted elemental man who could stun a steer with a blow of his fist. A man who could crush a coconut with one calloused hand. But you've never seen strong hers, maybe he's five foot two and talks with a list.

You've discussed me. Here, write this down. Steven Shad Stronghurst, at first sight, strike sure as the sort of man about whom legends gather and grow. The story that he crushes coconuts in one calloused hand, apocryphal, as it may sound, is the most obvious thing in the world the moment your hand disappears in his immense paw when you're introduced. He is an elemental man. Come in. Are you initially a swire before I send it off, Mr. Blake? Read it to me first, Miss Jones. Mr. Steven Shad Stronghurst, box six, five, two main post office, your manuscript hard flows to see as vague possibilities. Please drop in this week for a chat, signed Alan Blake Benson and Blake Publishing. You don't want to give Mr. Stronghurst any false hopes, do you? Vague possibilities. The only vague thing about is who will take the lead when the movies get it, Gary Cooper, or Arrow Flynn. Lou, I think you've got a point there. Mr. Jones, take out the word vague, and let me see.

This week, that's too indefinite. Make it immediately. How does that sound, Lou? Very cordial. That's an idea. Sign it very cordially yours. How's that, Lou? Fine. That'll tell him in a lukewarm sort of way that you worship the very keys his calloused fingers type on. I'm sorry, sir, but our mailbox is a strictly private. No information is too identity can be divulged. I'm not asking for information. I want to meet Mr. Stronghurst, a box six, five, two. Ignores my wires and my letters. I just want to speak to the man, that's all. I'm sorry, sir. This is a post office, not a date bureau. Goodbye. Well, of all the galling nerve lacking experiences, this one. Yes? Mr. Howard, great and literary editor of The Daily News is on the other line, Mr. Boy. Oh, put him on. Hello, Howard, how are you? Blake, you've got something in this Stronghurst saga. I like it.

I'm going to say so in my column. How about a thumbnail biography of the man? I have sent over a character sketch by Special Delivery. Is it 10% true? Howard, this is too important a thing to joke about. Steve Stronghurst is a simple, down-to-earth man's man. He's been all over the world, mostly traveling, steerage. What else has he written? Well, not a thing. Needed money one day, locked himself up in a cheap bistro in Marseille, and batted this book out on a portable pilfer from the local Jean-Darmry. That's the kind of fellow he is. What kind of jobs has he held? You name him, we got him. He was a bullfighter in Spain, a medicine man in Africa, a monk in Tibet, and taught physics at USC. Sounds fabulous enough. What does he look like? Howard, think of the statue of a Greek god. Put some clothes on it, and that's our Steve Stronghurst. You should see his hands, Howard. Great, callous paws that crush a coconut as easily as you or I do an egg. Well, the egg and we? You don't speak. You don't blink.

If you're not careful, you're liable to have a best seller on your hands. The Virgin Counties down on the first pack of the night's play and a little cleaner off high on the square. Mocking you out of love, you are downstairs only, please. Smoking and... Now I see someone approaching with a stealthy tread. Yes, it's Larry Keating and a guest. Tell me, Mr. Keating, I've heard so much about magic touch. Campana's new cream makeup. Is it so very different from other makeups? It's so different that you never believe how much prettier it will make you until you try it. Magic touch is a cream complexion makeup that you apply with your fingertips. No powder puff, no water. You can use it anytime, anywhere. And it literally performed magic for your complexion. It gives you that new complexion loveliness that women are demanding today. The unmade-up look. Magic touch provides a feminine delicate, fragile makeup beauty. The Dresden doll-like complexion that women are seeking. What does it look like?

Well, magic touch is a wafer-thin cream in a beautiful white and gold compact. It offers you six new complexion flattering shades. All you do is stroke your fingertips across the surface of the cream, apply to your face, and blend. Magic touch contains a new magic ingredient that causes it to blend better than any cream makeup yet invented. Do I use powder too? No, if you want the new luminous effect, and I don't mean shiny. Yes, if you want to give your complexion a matte finish. Either way, magic touch gives you a new, flawless looking complexion. Is magic touch very expensive? Surprisingly inexpensive. You get a large size, classic, golden white compact of magic touch for only one dollar. I'm going to try it tomorrow. And believe me, you'll never know how pretty you can be until you do. Perky, second perch. The first night is a hurrying down the aisle to their seats. The lights are dimmed and here's the second act of love and stranger than fiction. Lou, I'm desperate.

I've heard from most of the book critics in the country and they're all mad about the advanced copies of Heart Flows the Sea. Then why the desperation? You should be jumping the joy. Joy. Two weeks before publication, I haven't even seen the author to confirm any part of the phony stories I've been broadcasting about him. Hasn't bothered answering my last twenty words. Well, I've been trying to tell you, Mr. Blake, that Mr. Steven Shad Stronghurst has answered your last desperate, frantic, pathetic telegram. What? Well, why didn't you... For heaven's sake, quick, what does he say? We'll arrive tomorrow 3 p.m. for interview. Yes, sir. What? Well, why didn't you... For heaven's sake, quick, what does he say? We'll arrive tomorrow 3 p.m. for interview. Demand absolute privacy. No photographers, no office staff. Why are acceptance of conditions or else? Or else what? Or else, period. He must have run out of words. Of all unnerved. What he's wanting me to do, shut down for half a day. What does he mean, no photographers? If he, for one solitary minute, thinks that I've... Yes.

I've run out of words. Why are okay? Come in, come in. Yes, sir, come right in. Have I the pleasure of addressing? What are you doing here? Mr. Stronghurst is coming. Louise, I thought I told you to go on home. I promised them in. Right this way, Mr. Stronghurst. Mr. Allen Blake, Mr. Steven Stronghurst. Well, Lou, you idiot, open the door so he can come in. He is in. Mr. Stronghurst says something to Popeye, Mr. Blake. How do you do, Mr. Blake? Will you shake one of my callous hands? Not this one, this one, the one I use for coconut crushing. If this is your idea of a joke, Louise, it's gone too far, and I order you to open that door this minute. You mean you want me to open the door and leave? I do. You came here against my order just so you can meet Stronghurst, and I won't stand for it. You'll be here in a minute. Ms. Turner, leave this office at once.

Louise, Ms. Turner, you're fired. Am I really? Now that's awkward. What shall I do with all those pleading wires you sent me? Of course, if I went down the street to Alsat brothers, I'd get a much warmer welcome. They're used to publishing bestsellers. Good heavens. You're really, Louise. You're fooling. Surely you can't be. Tell me you're not. You're getting warm. I'm Stephen Shad Stronghurst, and I couldn't even crush a peanut with one hand. Oh. I don't know what Tibetan month from an Indian medicine man, and I've only seen Marseille in postcards. But I still don't understand. I do my research and travel magazines. The salt spray that stuns your eyes as you red my novel with stale ode cologne. Hold it. It seems incredible. The nearest I've come to an ocean was five years ago when I tried Shad Row and I didn't like it. But Louise, why could you? I write in the evenings and on my weekends. But you wouldn't know that. You've never shown any interest in what I do with my evenings or weekends. Lou, I don't know what to say,

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during the semi-annual sale. Plus, get an extra $35 off with promo code audio at checkout. That's OmahaStakes.com, promo code AUDIO. Minimum purchase may apply, see site for details. Now you shouted it's wonderful. So I came in ready to get a couple of fast shots. So photographers lying in wait outside after you made a solemn promise Ellen Blake of all the cheap content. Please all I want. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What's the matter with photographers? What? I was fighting you, kid. I'm fed up. Private secretary and shoulder to weep on for four years. I give him a novel I've slaved over that he'll make a fortune out of and he lies to me. I'm through. Oh, he's not listening to me. I didn't mean to lie to you. You've got my signature on this one, Ellen Blake. But from now on, the B&B publishing company can go hang. To Benson and Blake publishing, international majestic studios offer

600,000 for movie rights to hard flows in the sea. Benson and Blake publishing must have at least 1,200 more copies. Hard flows of sea. Express collect rush. Festival book club. Washington D.C. Benson and Blake rush thousand copies. Hard flows the sea to clear backlog. Unfilled orders. Advise new printing. Yes, Mr. Blake. I tried Louis turn his old address and the superintendent had no idea. What about the post office? They said all her mail addressed to box 652 is sent out to her address. But it's against the rule. Well, I've simply got to see her. I can't seem to get anything done around here anymore. Thank you, Miss Jones. That's all, Miss Jones. Miss Jones. Ask the switchboard to get me Howard Creighton. Literary editor of the Daily News.

Mr. Blake, Louise Turner's on the other line. Well, at last, let me speak to her. Hello. Hello, Louise. Ellen, Blake, if I were in your office right now, I'd slap your face. How could you do such a thing? Oh, Lou. Now, please, Lou. I was desperate. I couldn't get a hold of you. I had to do something. So you fed the newspapers another pack of lies. I don't mind you're telling them I'm strong, hers. But then... Well, Lou, please, don't you understand? I spent a week trying to trace you. When I released the yarn about me peddling hard flows the sea to twenty other publishers. And how against the judgment of your associates. And more out of sympathy than conviction, you'll publish my book. Louise, I knew that if those fake stories about you were published in the newspapers, you'd get in touch with them. I'm the poor, stupid, struggling author who'd still be living in a garage if it wasn't for Ellen, Blake, the selfless, altruistic, philanthropic publisher. Oh, Louise, believe me. The only reason I said all that was to make you call me. Right now, there are a lot of things I'd like to call you. But the only reason I did was to say goodbye. Goodbye. And the curtain comes down on the second act of the night's play. You're literally at all times where.

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Try it tomorrow, Italian bomb. First nighters are all in their seats, ready for the last night. And there goes the curtain. Alan is the junior member of Elsa Brothers and his arrival publisher. Yeah, I'd like to congratulate you on the success of your recent bestseller. I'd close the sea in a lucky stiffer. What's wrong with the luck of the Elsa Brothers? Last season, you had the giant fell down and this season purple petals. Oh, I'm not complaining. I only begrudge you, you blind luck. That's all. We publish her first book and then she turns around and says, the number two is not for us. Loyalty, she says. Who's she? Phoebe's ain't there, of course. Who? In the way you spent money trying to track down the author, who was none of them your own private secretary.

That was the biggest laugh. Just a minute, what are you talking about? I didn't turn it down, I published hardflows the sea. Hardflows the sea? Yeah. I'm talking about purple petals. Lou said you yourself, next, and what happened? She dropped in our lap the biggest money maker since gone with the wind. Oh, Louise is Phoebe saying Claire too. Yes, it was very funny, wasn't it? After that first brush off, how you persuaded her to give you a hardflows the sea? One of those unsolved mysteries. Well, I didn't expect you to understand it. Personally, I think she's carrying this loyalty thing too far. She worked for you for four years, yeah? But so far? Yeah, don't think I didn't know you were trying to bribe her to work for you, because I... Oh, no, no, no. She said, Joe, in spite of everything I'm offering my next novel to B&B, I owe that much to them. She calls you Joe. Certainly. Very close friends. It was a matter of fact. I have a surprise for you.

Louise and I are going to be married. Married? Yeah, you know, what happens when a boy meets a girl and meets a preacher? She's going to marry you, and she calls that loyalty. Oh, now just a minute, please. Oh, no, I didn't mean that. I wish you all were luck in the world. Oh, you're going to have some sort of party to announce the coming event to the trade, aren't you? Well, it might be a good idea, Alan. Sure, sure. Of course, you won't be able to have it in her place. Lou's apartment is so small, and so out of the way, I hear. Huh? Oh, you small, yes, but her place is near this club than mine is. Oh, that's right. Sure. The apartment place, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, yeah, you've lost your memory. She's living on Northburn Crescent. Northburn? Oh, of course. And I forget. Yeah, Northburn Crescent, of course. Let me see, it's the numbers. Oh, 614, that was it.

Well, really? You're only 600 numbers off. Louise is at 1246, Northburn Crescent. Oh, certainly 1246. Yes, what was I thinking of? Thank you, Joe. And furthermore, I haven't the faintest idea how you discovered where I live, but I didn't invite you. Thanks, I don't mind if I do have a seat. All right, very comfortable place you have here, Lou. Or have I said that before? You've gone over all the standard openings, now you can leave. I've known you for almost five years, Lou, and I've always known in the back of my mind that when I was ready to let go and paint the town red, I was going to ask the union for an assistant painter like you to help me. That particular part of your story can include in your next book of collected fairy tales, Mr. Blake. Before years, I was part of the office furniture to you, like your desk. The only difference was you never scratched a match on me.

Ooh, I don't scratch matches on my desk anymore. I used that fancy lighter you gave me, like, Christmas. Mr. Blake, isn't it rather odd you're making nice speeches to me after you discover I'm both Stephen Stronghurst and Phoebe Sinclair? The only thing I discovered is that I'm in love with you. Now, what do you say to that? I dimple shyly and I murmur that you say the sweetest things. At this point, am I supposed to act like Eve in purple petals and fall into your strong young arms with a strangled sob? Well, if you did, you'd be able to write a better book in purple petals. How Phoebe Sinclair and Stephen Shad Stronghurst can be one in the same person. Here is something easier. You're touching declaration of your feeling about me as three days too late. Three days ago, I decided to marry Joe Alsop. But you can't marry that. You can't marry Alsop when you're... Well, when you're... When I'm what? When you're in love with me, that's when. Why you overbearing, conceited, rude, vain. I love you, too, dear. Why do you think that still pickle proposed to you?

Because you like the tilde you're pretty neck when you're taking dictation? Maybe he wants to marry me because... Certainly not. You think he wants to marry you because the tip of your silly nose wrinkles when you laugh? He wants you because he wants to make sure your literary output goes to Alsop brothers. That's why. Because you're dishonest and conniving, you think everybody is. Joe Alsop is everything you want. He's honest and upright, steadfast and reliable. And a stodgy, complacent, cigar-swilling hippropossorous. That proves you don't know what you're talking about. There is no such animal. All right. All right, Mary. But before you do, tell him you've just finished a new book you're going to let me publish. And then see how fast the love light in his eyes drops into a deep freeze. All right, I'll do that. I'll show you. And let me be the first to know the happy outcome, for me tomorrow. I told you that the Martin correspondence is in Mr. Benson's office, Mr. Blay. Where are the goodly files, Mr. Jones? Where are the lessing files, Mr. Jones? Where are any files?

All the files are in your right hand drawer, Mr. Blayke, where they've been for years. Hm. If I didn't anybody tell me, I had an important appointment with Gibson yesterday. Mr. Blayke, on your appointment pad, circled in red, and underlined. There was a note. I have no time to look at my appointment pad. Mr. Jones, are you sure Louise hasn't phoned yet? Go on out to the switchboard and check the line of my office. Maybe it's out of order. Maybe... Well, she didn't have to slam the door that hard. Mr. Blayke. Mr. Blayke. Mr. Jones, I can't wait. I want you... Louise. I see, you haven't changed at all in your old habitat. Hello, Lou. I... Well, welcome back to the old habitat. How are you? I'm a lot better than you thought I'd be at this time today, Mr. Blayke. I told you exactly what you said.

Oh, you did? And Joe changed his mind. I knew he would. We were going to be married in two weeks. Now he wants to get married Monday. Oh, I... Well, Lou, I want to wish you both of you all the luck in the world. Thank you. Well, by the way, as far as business goes, you can relax. I've decided to give my next novel to B&B if they wanted. Well, that's very kind of you, Louise. And Benson will be very happy, but... There's only going to be one B in the name of this firm. I've decided to sell out. I'm not happy here. I need a rest. Oh. Well, there's nothing much left to say, is there? I... I'll drop around sometime, both of you, won't you? Tell me. How did you know the tip of my nose wrinkles when I laugh? Well, you just noticed those things, I suppose, about... About people you like, I suppose. Do you really think I have a pretty neck? What are you trying to do, Louise? I've said all I'm going to say, except that Joe is a very lucky man.

Well, he doesn't seem to think so. I told you what he said. You want to know what I said? I'd rather not, Lou. Let's just part the bus. I said if I married him Monday, I'd be committing bigamy. Bigamy? What on earth do you mean? Bigamy is having more than your legal rations of husbands, isn't it? Well, if I become Mrs. Allen Blake on Sunday, there's some law that had frowned on me. Louise. Louise, dear, did you say... Darling! Please take me in your arms, kiss me, then go out and get a haircut in a marriage license. Louise, darling, do I have to do all those things? I... Oh, angel. No, no, dear. I said you had to kiss me and go out and get a haircut. Darling. I said, kiss me and just kiss me, that's all. There we are ladies and gentlemen, the girl who comes down on the foil like a delight, you play in the little three-year-old five's fair.

It's again the first time there's all their feet demanding on pause. Listen to them applaud. Next week, there's a corral full of western con for you and your family. When another original play will be presented from the little theater, it's called O'Berry Me Nuts, a comedy romance you want to hear. Remember, next week, same time, same station, join us then, won't you? And in the meantime, ladies, you'll never know how pretty you can be until you try magic touch. And now we move out of the theater and into the street. Is your cadmins to first nighter? Thank you, good night. Thank you.

Campanus first nighter program, starring Barbara Lutty and Olin-Suley is a copyrighted radio feature. Tonight's play was pure fiction and did not refer to real people or actual events. Scratching an irritated skin can cause serious infection. If you had troubled with skin irritation caused by eczema, hives, winter ash, use DDD prescription, the cooling antiseptic liquid that brings relief from irritating skin discomfort almost instantly. Ask for DDD prescription, trial bottled 35 cents at any drugstore. The first nighter program came to you over CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System. From lashes for days with the viral liquid lash extensions mascara, to lift and color from the brilliant eye brightener, Thrive Cosmetics is the go-to for amplifying everyday looks.

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