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The Fifth Hour: Griddle Riddle & Fast Cash

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Ben Maller (produced by Danny G.) has a fun Saturday podcast for you! Ben talks: Tales of fixing his griddle, a new get rich plan, & more!

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The Fifth Hour: Griddle Riddle & Fast Cash

The Ben Maller Show

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The Ben Maller ShowThe Fifth Hour: Griddle Riddle & Fast Cash. Machine-transcribed; use the interactive transcript above to jump the player to any line.

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Every small business owner has that one moment that could have broken them. But remarkably, it didn't. Hi, I'm Ben Walter, CEO of Chase for Business. And on season three of The Unshakeables, my co-host Kathleen Griffith and I are bringing you more incredible stories of overcoming the impossible. We're really proud to share that The Unshakeables is nominated for Best Branded Podcast at the 2026 iHeart Podcast Awards. Listen to The Unshakeables wherever you get your podcasts and learn more at chase.com-podcast. JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member FDIC copyright 2026 JPMorgan Chasing Company. Hey, it's Jonas Knox. How do you know when a business is running really well? Check out is fast. Customers are happy and everything feels in sync. That's what genius from global payments delivers. Flawless operations that hold up even during your busiest rushes. But don't take their word for it.

Genius has been pressure tested in some of the most manning settings in the world from pack stadiums to high volume arenas. Big league reliability for any business. That's genius. Meet genius at globalpayments.com. Support for the show comes from public. The investing platform for those who take it seriously. On public, you can build a multi-asset portfolio of stock spots, options, crypto, and now generated assets, which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one-of-a-kind index, and lets you backtest it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable, and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com slash podcast, and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com slash podcast,

paid for by public investing, brokerage services by open to the public investing ink, member Finra and SIPC, advisory services by public advisors LLC, SEC registered advisor. Generated assets is an interactive analysis tool, output is for informational purposes only, and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com slash disclosures. Hey, it's Bubba Wallace from 2311 Racing. You know what it feels like forever? Sitting on a plane waiting for takeoff. Good thing I've got Jamba Casino, with daily boost in social casino games on tap, this is a kind of fun that makes time fly. Why not turbocharge a downtime? Play now at JambaCasino.com. Let's Jamba. Sponsored by Jamba Casino, no purchase necessary, VGW GroupFord, where prohibited by law, 21 plus terms and conditions apply. Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, 1200 minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old republic. A sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter, the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.

Wow. The clearinghouse of hot ticks, break free for something special. The fifth hour with Ben Mallor starts right now. In the air everywhere, the fifth hour with me, Ben Mallor, and Danny G Radio, a happy Saturday to you, as we are back in the remote studio for the podcast. It is the seventh day of March. It is early in the morning. We are celebrating National Bend Day today. National Bend Day today. That's a thing. Not a big thing. It's a thing. Yeah. That's a day for me. There's not a lot of bends anymore in the world. Even when I was a kid, there weren't that many. I saw somewhere I was reading that they said back in the late 1880s, the name Ben was one of the most popular names anywhere.

It was like the top 10 popular names. You named your boy Ben, top 10 names. As of a couple of years ago, it was almost 800th. It went from 10th to almost 800th. I do believe in the Boomerang theory that all names will be brought back at some point. Through time, we're only here short amount of time, but the names will come back. When I was a kid, there were some relatives that had really old-sounding names. Today, those names have started to come back for people that weren't alive and didn't have older relatives and all that, so celebrate Ben Day. Famous Ben? You know what I mean? I'm not famous. Benjamin Johnson, the second most important English playwright. How about that? 1500s playwright, poet, wrote the famous play, every man in his humor, which was popular in his day. The first postmaster general of the US,

I'm thinking you've heard who that person was, Benjamin Franklin. Hello. And he had control over all post offices from Massachusetts to Georgia. So he had that going. They've been plenty of other bends that have gotten things done, so there you go. It's National Ben Day. So you can celebrate that. Appropriately, on this edition of the fifth hour, the Saturday special, the life of Mallor and Danny G, but he's not here. So we have YouTube University. And the gig economy, but we're going to start with this, a tales from the not-so-naked city, a story of, I'm going to give you my Hollywood style picture and see if I can convince you to consume this podcast. So it's a story of heartbreak, betrayal, rust, and ultimately redemption. Are you hooked?

Yes? No, maybe so. Maybe you're hooked. I don't know. But we knew it anyway, whether you're hooked or not. So let me take you on a journey behind the curtain here at the Mallor Mansion. A journey that many of my P1s senior generals in the Mallor militia, and oh, and likely you, you're listening to the podcast so you're at a higher level. So you've heard me chat over the years. You've heard me chat over the years about my culinary empire and everything I've got going on and the back patio of the Mallor Mansion, talking about the crown jewel, of course, the pride and joy of the backyard, the blackstone griddle. Now, if you're not familiar with the blackstone griddle, it's every middle-aged guy's wet dream. Basically, a Ferrari of backyard cooking. This thing is a flat-top dream machine.

Burgers, cheese steaks, fajitas, you can make breakfast if that's your jam, pancakes, all kinds of delicious foods. You name it. And if it's edible, the blackstone can handle it. It's essentially having a restaurant cooking top in your backyard. And it's able to do, as I said, just about everything. Lunch, dinner, breakfast. It's the Swiss army knife of the grease-based cuisine. Well, a catastrophe struck the Mallor Mansion. And like many disasters, it began a long time ago. When I say a long time ago, about a month ago, with rain in Southern California. Normally, when it rains in most places, it's an inconvenience. Nobody drives good in the rain. But it's rain. It comes and goes. You're used to it. When it rains in SoCal, the news treats it like a biblical event. I'm not exaggerating here.

The anchors on TV break in like the four horsemen of the apocalypse are writing down the 101 freeway on a pontoon boat. But the rain this year was different because it happened when we had some work being done at the house, and our contractor, really good dude, does great work. Forgot one small detail. In the margins, if you will. He did not cover the griddle. My beloved pride enjoy the blackstone griddle. And keep in mind, I wasn't cooking at this time, and we had taken a little break from that, because the little cooler was waiting for the weather to warm a little bit. Not that it gets cold here. Now, when I say rainwater, I'm not talking about just a couple of sprinkles. A few drops, no. This thing had several inches of water. My blackstone sitting on it,

like it was a kitty pool outside of a redneck motel six. And I didn't discover the crime scene right away, because the work was being done. I don't want to bother the contractor. I was trying to be polite. And so the rain stopped, and then a few more days went by. And when I finally lifted the lid to cook, it looked like I would think of, I was at the bottom of the ocean there, and I was looking at the Titanic wreckage, except this was obviously cooking equipment. Several inches of standing water, there was this rust everywhere, it's like this reddish brown apocalypse, and my beautiful blank canvas, where I've cooked so many meals, it looked like it had spent about three years at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. There was corrosion, there was peeling back, there was devastation. Now I am not proud to admit this, but I was a little depressed. I was like, that sucks.

This is not good now. I've spent countless hours. I don't want to get a lot of time off from work, but my time off on the weekends, they're cooking on the thing, summer night, spring afternoons, heck most of the year, the weather only gets somewhat shady, like two months out of the year here, where we live. So you got the sizzle of the burgers, the cheese takes dancing, doing the dance on the flat topic, they're Fred Astaire, you get the popping sound of the fajitas and the bell pepper and the onion, it's like fireworks on the 4th of July. And now it looked like something you'd find in a junk yard behind a waffle house on the end of a country road. And I was bummed out. I was bummed out, Benny. And now the easy move would have been, and this is normally the move I would have made, throw it out, and just buy another one. Just go down to the Walmart, buy another one.

Now Blackstone Grittles, I believe they're around $500 giver take. And some, maybe even you might think, well, you know, come on, and you're a big time overnight sports radio gas bag, doing overnight talk radio. That's where the money is. Not the daytime shows with cow herd and dand Patrick. No, overnight radio. $500 is nothing. Oh, no, no, no, no. Let me introduce you to something called Malermath. When you work overnight radio, you're not making daytime radio money. $500 is not monopoly money. That's real currency. That's like losing a starting offensive lineman before the playoffs. That's not good. So instead of throwing in the towel, which I normally would have done, I fully admit, I normally would have done this, I did what every modern American does when confronted now with crisis. I went to college. I went to YouTube University.

My preferred university, some of you elitists love Harvard or MIT. Forget about that. Yeah, oh, come on. Brown. What can Brown do for you? What are you kidding me? The real Ivy League is not Princeton. It's a 12-minute video titled How to Fix a Rusted Blackstone Griddle for Idiots. Shocking results. So I watched a couple of these videos and then, I don't know, and I watched another one. And then another one. And the next thing you know, it was a full-blown internet rabbit hole. I'm talking mental notes. I pulled out the notes app on my phone, and I'm writing down things I need to do, how I need to approach this. I'm studying game film like I'm preparing a game plan for the Super Bowl. Now, step one, you have to scrape the rust. Done. Step two, oil. Okay, done that. Step three, turn on the heat.

Turn on the fire. Burn, baby burn. And then step four is you repeat the process. Over and over. Like the Energizer Bunny. Over and over and over and over again. So I rolled up my sleeves. I grabbed the scraper and went to work. And he'd tell you something though. I am not a handyman. I do not have the handyman gene. I have the gas bag gene. Historically speaking, I have been much closer to wreck it Ralph who we used to work with, former radio guy Ralph Irvin, much closer to wreck it Ralph than fix it Felix. If something broke at the Mallor Manchin, my usual move was to look at it, side dramatically and say, well, that's gone. That's see you later. That's broken. Never coming back. However, this time, this time I was a man on a mission. Coffee genius here.

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and on and on and on and on. Hours went by. It was not meatball surgery. It was blackstone griddle surgery and slowly. The miracle began to happen. That orangey rusty thing that was peeling back started vanishing. Abra Kadabra. Hocus Pocus was disappearing. I don't know where it went. I have no idea. It disappeared. The surface got a little darker. It became smooth. And it just looked like it was supposed to look. You know when something looks right here. Even the blind Scott knows that. Or in Qatar or any of those guys. So it looked like a quarterback had returned from the injury tent. And eventually there was this point of demarcation where we crossed the Rubicon. We landed the plane baby. The blackstone was back. Yes. And better than ever,

Benny blackstone had regurgitated, resurrected the griddle. And you better believe. There was a celebration. So I fired up that bad boy. And we made the house specialty. Benny's burgers. Smash burgers. Perfect crust. Cheese melting like a lava flow. Yum yum to my tum tum. The kind of burger that makes you question every drive-through decision you've ever made in your life. Then came the fajitas. Then the cheese steak in paradise, if you will, which I'm sure if Jimmy Buffett were still alive today, would demand some kind of money. But the griddle went from the brink of the landfill getting picked up and dumped to being the MVP yet again. Come back griddle of the year. And I gotta tell you, there's a deep sense of accomplishment. I'm jealous of you that have this ability.

There's a deep sense of accomplishment when you fix something with your own two hands. And this is something that would not have been possible years and years ago. Back when you'd have to call some guy named Gary who charges $200 just to look at it. Now, you got the YouTube University. A million of tutorials all lined up there with those little annoying 32nd ads, which you can't skip. And every problem known to mankind can be solved by a guy filming in his garage wearing a wife-beater shirt. And so now I'm feeling a little dangerous. For years, as I pointed out, I've been wrecked Ralph, but maybe, just maybe, I've turned the corner here. Because of YouTube University, and I could become Fixit Felix, handyman Benny, better than New Benny. Why not Jack of All Trades Master of None? And now the backyard menu. At Dematler Mansion is officially open.

The griddle specials will be served up all spring and all summer, baby. We got this. And as the great philosopher who may or may not have worked at Disney once saying, they've heard dramatic voice. When you wish upon a blackstone griddle makes no difference who you are, anything your tummy desires will come to you. That's right. It's not magic. It's not wizardry. It's something even more powerful than all of that. The Malar Mushuguna Magic. And now who wants a burger? Do you want a burger? Do you want a cheese steak in paradise? Would you like fajitas? Okay, we got that. No problem. No problem. All right. So turn the page on that as we do a skip and a jump. And we move now to the other day, there's a couple of days ago, I was scrolling through the internet rabbit hole.

I want to bring this up here, because I had an idea. So I'm going down the rabbit hole, the digital flea market where half the staff, or half the stuff is just a waste of time. You're mindless, nonsense and all that stuff. And then the rest of it is like, well, wait a minute. That seems like a good idea. So I stumbled onto a story out of China. All right. So I, I don't know how I found this, came up in my, my feed. And some guy in Shanghai says that he made $23,000 in one month. How did he make $23,000 in one month? But one month. Was he selling acapuco gold? What was he doing? Was he dealing fentanyl? No, so he made $23,000 in one month, watching cats, kitty cats. Yes, felines,

55 of them at one point in one day. Now, I don't know about you. That sounds less like a job, and more like the opening of a horror movie. Shot from a drone, zooming into an apartment on the 13th floor, and then you go through the window on the drone, and then you look around, and it's everything's disheveled. The person is bedraggled who's living there, and there's just the smell, just the horrific scent and all that. The 55 cats is not just pet sitting. That's a feline convention. And personally, I can't join the feline industrial complex, even if I want it. And the reason is a genetic pre-existing condition. I'm allergic. You put me in a room with, forget 55 cats, you put me in a room with three cats,

and I sound like Foghorn, a leghorn, or a Foghorn with bronchitis. The story, though, it created a little bit of a spark, that the hamster was spinning on the hamster wheel there, because while I can't do cats, I can't, I'm allergic. Dogs are a whole different animal, as you know, cats and dogs. And as a listener to this fifth-hour podcast, and the overnight radio carnival, you know about my pride and joy, Moxie. My English pole dog. The patron saint of laziness who should never eat pumpkin again. Her daily schedule is essentially the life of Riley. She sleeps. She snores. She sleeps. She farts. She sleeps. And you just repeat it. Now occasionally, she'll wake up extra to check out the food items available that day that just magically appeared and maybe get some water. Now the other day, she was doing her thing

and I was reading this story on my phone. And I said, you know what? This dog could be management at my new startup. So let me talk the bigger picture here. And I'm going to use this platform that I have the fifth hour. Oh, it's a platform. Everyone wants their platform. Well, we're right in the eye of the tiger here, or the eye of the dog. All right, the eye of the dog. So let's workshop this. My latest Misha Goss. And here it is. So somewhere along the way, the dog, the dog stopped being just a pet became a four-legged child with trust ones, especially in the really wealthy neighborhoods. Dogs now have organic diets. I learned my lesson on that. Personal trainers dogs have, right? The daycare centers, birthday cakes, Instagram pages,

some dogs live better than minor league baseball players, right? And that's where that light bulb went off, right? Not off it went on. So you've heard this. I'm sure you've heard the same. I've heard urban legends about guys walking dogs, dog walkers, making crazy money. You say, well, that's only 20, but more than $30, $40, $50 for a premium stroll around the block. You multiply that by a few dogs a day, and suddenly you're running a small economy powered entirely by tennis balls and milk bones. Now add one key ingredient. And I have an advantage. I have an ace in the hole. My schedule. Doing overnight radio, working the graveyard shift, that means when the normal nine to five crowd is working the dreaded day shift, stuck in meetings, pretending to care about some

boring PowerPoint presentation. I am available. I could walk your dog. I could dog sit. I am available to provide what the modern economy calls the canine companionship services, which sounds fancy, but really means just hang out with the dog while it's owner is at work. Now think about it. Think about where this could go, right? You drop your dog off at the mallard mansion, the mallard dog watching package. Guarantees you. He's one of Guarantees. All right. I'm going to walk your dog. If you want, if your dog doesn't want to walk, I won't walk, but if you want me to walk your dog, I'll walk your dog. I'll give you some couch time. Little cuddles. Little sunshine. All right. Bulldog roommate, who snores like a diesel truck or hollering James. And I would get paid to do something. I'm already doing anyway. And this is the gig economy, right? You got to have a lot of gigs. The gig economy. Version of finding an extra $30

in your old winter coat. And I'm like, oh, that's kind of cool. That's pretty cool. Now here's the real genius of this operation. I'm not going to upset anyone. Moxie doesn't care. You know there's some dogs that are very territorial. They're called bitches. They just won't stop barking in there. They just don't want to protect their territory. And that's the life's mission. That's not Moxie. That's not Moxie. My pal Moxie, I'm telling you could bring another dog, a healer monster, a mildly confused draft, and a couple of clowns. And she'd react the same way. This dog salon? Operational excellence. Thanks to genius from global payments. Scheduling, personalized. Checkouts? Instant. Absolutely genius. Big league reliability for any business. That's genius.

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that's it. I'm done. Goes back to sleep. I can't handle this. Occasionally, she will release a loud, rumbly, tumbly fart that will clear the room out like a tear gas grenade was tossed in there. Aside from that, outstanding coworker, low maintenance, no drama. And she'd pretty much fit in at any corporate board meeting. She's cut out for that. And as far as the economics, you got to focus on the rich neighborhoods. Rich neighbors, those neighborhoods are filled with people who love their dogs. It's like a kid. I get it. I love my dog. However, these people feel guilty because they're not home all day. And that is where we solve a problem. Making money is all about solving problems. You got to find a problem and a solution to the problem. And you can make money.

So, maler daytime dog concierge. We'll have to workshop that more and change the name. But that would be the plan. And I'm not just a dog sitter. No, no, anybody can be a dog sitter. No, no, no. That's like 90s, 2000s, early 2000s. I am a canine lifestyle facilitator. I'm helping your dog live a better life. You see how easy that is? You slap a little fancy title on something. It's easy. And suddenly it sounds like a Silicon Valley startup. Disrupting the industrial complex of the doggy. The pet care space has been invaded. Developing hot, dot, dot, dot. Now, the next thing you know, I've got a logo of Moxie. I'll put her in some sunglasses and a tagline that will read something along lines where dogs chill while humans work.

Now, some of the packages that we would offer, the milkbone basic plan, one walk and a couple of belly rubs. That's the basic plan. The golden retriever executive package, two walks. You get couch privileges near Moxie. And you would also get to keep track of, there's any squirrels in the backyard. You're on surveillance for the squirrel, which dogs love. That's not work. That's, they love that. Now, the bulldog deluxe lounge experience is only napping and farting with a couple of scooby snacks mixed in. No expectations that you will have to walk. You don't have to open more than half an eye. You just have to keep breathing. That's it. That's all. Now, is this going to replace my overnight radio gig? Probably not. Probably not. Here's the thing about the gig economy, the side hustle. They're like Doritos. You grab a couple of chips here, a little there.

And before you realize what has happened, you've eaten three bags of chips. But you just did a little bit, a little bit here, a little bit there, three bags of chips. And if the radio bosses, if these guys don't loosen the purse strings anytime soon, who knows, maybe the future? I used to say I would work at Costco and give sports takes on a podcast, the late night monologues, about the mallard dog club. Do that instead. Do that instead of place where wealthy dog owners drop off their pets while they're at work. The bulldog is going to nap there, Moxie. I get my 10,000 steps walking the lab outdoors around the neighborhood. And where the only real workplace hazard is stepping on some chute toy in the dark. Now, meanwhile, somewhere in Shanghai, a guy is feeding 55 cats and laughing all the way to the bank,

which tells you something about the modern economy. The real money isn't always where you think it is. When everyone's going one way, you've got to go the other way. Sometimes it's hiding in the simplest possible place, right at the end of a leash, right there. Yes. So, if you'll excuse me, Moxie, I think she just rolled over there and she needs a belly rub. Clearly, she's trying to impress me. I think she's ready for the executive chair on this new startup business that we're going to have here. The Mallard Daytime Dog Concierge. On that note, have a great rest of your Saturday. And appreciate you supporting the podcast and all that. We'll have the mailbag on Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. What could possibly go wrong with that? We'll catch you then. Aloha.

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