Terrence Howard Opens Up | PBD #753

Denzel, he told me, look, it's your hands, man, you're always like this.

All these producers want to do is they're trying to open your hand

and so they can put money in it, but you won't do it.

You're in Hollywood. It's a hook-up culture.

I've dated them, but I never slept with anybody else.

You never slept with anybody, man.

No, but...

Karen's activist.

A healthy male still produce about 1500 sperm per heartbeat,

so that desire to empty the storehouse is always there.

The lines you use, I love it.

I'd love to empty my storehouse with you today.

You imagine it.

How different is it raising boys versus girls?

Girls are the hardest, because men have game.

I watch my daughters now, and I'm scared to death because of the karma,

because I know the things that I did to women,

so I have to make sure none of this stuff is around and mind you.

I didn't masturbate until I was 25 years old.

I had them remove the television out of the room of the hotel,

because I couldn't stop.

I couldn't stop, I kept watching it.

You know, this whole thing with vitamin and pvd podcast

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Thank you so much.

We're doing this again. How you doing?

I'm really good, brother.

It's great. Very good.

You know, it's funny.

I was running my daughter had a recital today.

She had a dance.

She was a tiny dancer today.

So I go in and a wife says, babe, it's only 15 minutes.

I go in 815.

And then the tiny dancer part is all the way at the end.

But oh, my God, you know, when you're there,

you're kind of going like this.

You're trying to get your kids to see you.

And then she finally sees me.

She runs up and I'm driving down your school

as a couple of minutes away from here.

And I know you always talk about being a father.

And it's typically, you know,

last time we did the conversation,

we didn't talk about this at all.

It was a complete different conversation.

We had a scientist from NASA with us,

which was a great combo.

How important is it to you to be a father?

The hardest thing about being a dad

is not being a hypocrite.

Not being a phony, you know.

You're trying, I realize I'm talking to my son

about things that he's watching.

But at the same time, I'm hearing that for myself

about things I shouldn't be watching.

You know, I'm telling him to maintain

his majestic comportment all the time

or telling both of them, you know.

Rule number five, six and seven,

respect yourself, respect others,

respect people's privacy.

And then rule number four in our family

is don't be obnoxious.

But then I go to Disney World, Disneyland,

and I'm sitting there,

and I get triggered immediately

because they want to grab my bags

and they're going through my bags aggressively

and putting my stuff.

Rule number four.

Rule number four, and I get obnoxious and, you know,

and throw attitude.

And I'm like, I wouldn't want my child to do that.

That's not what you're talking about.

Yeah, they caught me out about it.

Not the kids didn't call me out,

but the people that they almost threw us out of Disneyland.

You know, only I didn't curse or anything like that.

But I was, I was, I was speaking about shit.

They take the bag when you come in

because someone's recently got stabbed at Disneyland.

And so this is in our life.

So they're going through your bags literally

like it's a serious search.

And, you know, measles is out right now.

So at the time I'm sitting there like,

wait a minute, you're taking the rags that I,

that I'm going to blow my kids nose

with and you're putting it on the same counter

that you put everybody's bags.

I'd like, don't do that.

Don't, he was like, don't give me attitude.

And I was like, everybody's got attitude.

He told you don't give me.

Yeah, and I'm like, I'm, and instead of taking a deep breath,

like I do, I'm doing.

Did he know in the world or not?

Did he write?

No, he didn't know, okay.

But instead of taking a deep breath,

you know, and thinking about, maybe he's having a hard day.

I took it personally.

I got triggered.

And then I'm like talking to everybody out in the world

about maintaining and majestic comportment,

being calm, ABC always be cool, always become,

always be comfortable with the consequences of your choices.

And here my family almost lost the opportunity to be there

because I lost my cool.

So I hate being a hypocrite as a father.

You know, I hate not having the compassion

to show the better side of me.

So that's the hardest thing.

What are the rules?

What are the rules?

Oh, so there's nine rules.

I've got it.

Rule number one, put on your shoes,

which means take care of your foundation.

Make sure you're in a secure place.

Rule number two, stay out of the, find the shade.

It's find the shade.

What does that mean?

Well, in Southern California, it's a lot of heat.

So stay out of the heat, but figuratively,

it means find cover.

So later on when my children are older,

I'll be able to say number two.

And they'll notify in the shade.

They'll know to get out of the way of danger.

Number three, stay out of the streets.

And that, that, that tells itself.

But number four is don't be obnoxious.

Number five is respect yourself.

Number six, respect others.

Number seven, respect to people's privacy.

Number eight, no heat shots.

Yeah, if you're going to punch your brother,

punch him in the chest, punch him in the leg.

Literally, that's one of the things.

Yeah, no punch.

No, no punch above the neck.

No punch in the closet.

No heat shots.

My boys have broken down one few times.

And number nine is make way for life.

You know, respect all living things.

And I follow that one for the most part a lot.

But, you know, I sometimes disrespect myself.

I sometimes don't respect people's privacy.

You know, so I try my heart is not to get caught up

and gossip about somebody else all the time.

So I'm learning these are my own rules

that I can live by them, my children.

You know, what, what, what was it?

Because growing up, how many siblings was it?

Was it you and your two brothers?

There's 11 of us.

There's 11 of you.

Okay, so I know there's a, I know a couple of the names

that I looked up.

So 11 total.

11 same mom and dad.

No, only four of us from the same mom and dad.

Four same mom and dad.

Okay, what experiences as a kid growing up

changed the way you said,

I'm not going to parent like this.

I'm going to be a father like this or

I'm going to be a father just like I was fathered.

What, what experiences impact did your parenting?

Well, my father, I mean, I was incredible.

I was, you, I was, you couldn't,

I was indomitable as a child.

So you tell me to do something.

I'm going to, I'm going to do it just because

you told me not to do it.

You know, you don't have authority over me.

So I got whooped every day by my father.

So I told myself when I have my children,

I'm not going to whoop them.

I'm not going to use corporate punishment on them.

I'm not going to do any of that.

But that's not what I ended up doing

because you start talking to them

a thousand times and they don't listen.

And then immediately you go back to the slave days

and you're like, well, let me go get the whip.

Let me go get the belt.

Let me do all of this other stuff you're not supposed to do.

But you find yourself still back into those places

and you have to catch yourself,

especially with the laws that's out here today.

So now, um, because I got the benefit,

I had the benefit of, you know, doing some discipline before.

Now if I'm walking upstairs to get the belt,

then they straighten themselves out.

And I don't have to actually apply the belt.

But it's hard.

How do you raise young boys, you know,

that are indomitable to respect authority

and respect themselves.

And, you know, it's, it's a, it's a tight balance.

How difference is it, you know,

raising boys versus girls?

What's been girls are the hardest because they're a little more

manipulative, they're smarter.

You know, the child inside the womb,

the moment that the woman's belly

recognizes the little girl

about three months of gestation.

It floods it with estrogen.

And so it causes these connections

between the left and the right hemisphere,

almost three to five times the connections

from what I've read that men have,

you know, men have this myopic thing, you know,

see this go and do it.

But girls contemplate everything.

So the girls are so much smarter, naturally,

than the men, and they learn how to manipulate.

You know, they learn to cry,

they learn the smiles, they learn all of that.

And then they're gullible because they think

they mastered men by mastering

manipulation, daddy, and they go out

and they try and do that into the world.

So letting my two older daughters go,

I watch my daughters now and I'm

scared to death because of the karma

because I know the things that I did to women

when I was growing up,

stuff I wouldn't want somebody doing to my daughter.

That's just the reality.

We are, you know, like me and my wife we talking,

she's like, I would love to make love.

I would love to make love.

I said, nobody's going to be sitting there

talking about you are so beautiful singing that

while they're making love.

I said, it's more of an aggressive act in some way.

And maybe it's the things that I've watched,

but you singing while making love.

Yeah, you know, I'm just trying to vision.

You know, man, you think some of these R&B guys

could put a lot of like heavy camel or teats wet or something.

But nobody's doing that.

That's impossible to be able to do it.

You know what?

I'm going to talk to my wife.

I'm going to try it this weekend.

I tried it.

What a task.

I try it.

I mean, your voice is going to crack though.

Yes, it's, I mean, but I mean,

figuratively, the singing, the, the,

Rob, what do you think?

Are you thinking about it?

Look, is this a challenge for you as well?

Can you sing?

No, but it's not the singing.

It's not the singing, but it's the, you know,

it's the foreplay.

And that's something that I have to learn to do.

You, the foreplay is the love making.

Right.

You know, but then when you get to the,

the penetration that's, that's a different kind of act.

That's, you know, that's a test.

Posterous and beautiful intense.

Yeah, there's no key sweat playing in the back of your head.

There's none of that.

No, no, no, no, no.

Joe Cochran.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Rubbing it in.

You know, so it's that balance.

Men have this expectation because we've watched,

I've watched a bunch of porn growing up.

So I had an unnaturally

expectation of what should have taken place inside of,

inside of love making.

So I've had to learn or trying to learn, you know,

how to make love in a, in a honest way,

in a, in a loving, honest way,

in a loving way.

Not in some saying,

you openly talk about that with your girls?

I had to.

I had to talk to my girls about,

do you know how many women I've had encounters with

that if I bumped into them today,

I wouldn't know their name.

I wouldn't know their face.

I was like, do you want to be like that for somebody?

Because men have game, you know?

And I hope that that's enough.

But karma, karma doesn't allow that.

My daughter's probably end up having

an deal with the same thing that I did to women, you know?

So the karma, yes it does.

But it actually sobers you, you know?

Wow.

And, you know, the other day we went to one of our friends,

his daughter, which is kind of like my niece,

we're together all the time,

she's got a first boyfriend.

So she's in college, he flies in with her

and they bring over to our house and we're having dinner

and we're playing a game and I'm watching them.

I'm like, this guy is nice because the dad

is a little bit of a brilliant guy, very technical.

He has a sight on him that he could be an asshole

and he was too soft like he can be pushed around.

You sit there and think about like, you know,

daughters typically date their fathers,

you know, they're a man like the mothers.

Is that what scares you?

Like they can't thank you?

Yes.

And I know how manipulative I was.

You know, my uncles were pimps.

So I had a different understanding

of how you dealt with women.

Now that was the pimp that I played in hustle and flow.

Too natural.

Too natural.

You have to learn not to.

You don't, I've got this rule like when Satan

asked Jesus to turn stone into bread to feed himself.

I took from that, you do not turn stone into bread

to feed yourself.

You don't take a gift that's been given to you, you know,

for selfish purposes.

So if I had the proverbial gift of gab,

it wasn't to be used to talk somebody into a threesome.

Something I wouldn't want somebody talking

my daughter's into.

But I've done that, you know, in the growing up stages.

And that is something that it hits you.

Constantly comes back.

Constantly comes back.

And that's the hardship of raising daughters

over raising sons.

You know, but nowadays you have to worry about,

you know, sons being overly aggressive and getting killed,

you know, because the men in my family are very aggressive,

you know, and dealing with authority.

So girls scare me though the most.

How, how is it for you when you're with your wife

and you're out at them?

Maybe this has happened.

Maybe it hasn't happened where a woman approaches you.

And it's from back in the days of relationship.

Has that ever happened to you?

Only we've only bumped into one girl that I've dated

from the past.

I mean, you don't get out much.

No, we don't.

I don't go out.

You don't risk it.

And the girls I dated, I never dated anybody

in the business.

I really know because I mean, I've gone.

Yes, I went, I've dated them,

but I never slept with anybody.

And so I never slept with anybody.

No one's out to business.

Never.

No, nobody had dated.

Wow.

Campbell, I've gone out with, I'm not even running a list,

but I've gone out with a lot of girls.

I've slept in the same bit with them,

but I would not, you know, I don't know why.

I wouldn't attack them.

I wouldn't do that.

That was, so you're in the business.

You're in Hollywood.

It's a business where you see everybody is, you know,

for the most part, you see, they hook up.

It's a hook up culture.

It's your shoot and move.

You're gone for 30 days.

You know, you, I think it was a, uh, uh,

Bert Reynolds.

Who was it that wrote a book, uh, Jolene Jolene?

Who, who, who's, uh, the singer of Jolene?

What's her name, uh, um, Dali, Dali Parton writes,

I think in a book, she says, we're doing a movie.

You could fact check this, but I read this idea

in their book or somewhere.

Her and Bert Reynolds are doing a movie

and they had never been together before.

And she just says, listen, let's get a knock that it away.

So we don't even think about it.

And I'm, boom, they go hand out their business

and then they do the movie.

It could have been her or, uh, yeah, more somebody.

But for you to say nobody ever, it's not like

you didn't have the chances.

You're a good-looking guy.

I dated a lot of girls.

I dated a lot of them, but at the time still,

I was battling between being a Jehovah's Witness

for trying to study as a Jehovah's Witness.

And, but there has to, there's a feeling

of you know what is your prey.

You know, you know, who has that interaction with you

and the girls are beautiful.

No fantasy of wanting to be a Hollywood couple.

Like what if her and I you never thought about it that way?

No, that was never on the table for me.

I was, I was, I was, I was, I would be on say,

you see these couples where it's like you had a chance

to date Beyonce, you know, early on.

And, um, we had a conversation, you know,

and I ended up talking to the other girl inside of, you know,

Destiny, um, the girl with the blue eyes.

And I remember Beyonce looking over at me.

And I think that's why she picked me to do that dance

when she did these, the, you know,

the kind of strip tease dance that we did at B-T's or whatever.

To show me what I'd lost, what I, but I had, I was attracted.

There was a moment in which I felt something there with Beyonce.

Yeah, but that was long before she was with Jay-Z.

That was very, very long ago.

I mean, that was, they were big back then when they were coming up.

They were very big when they were coming up.

Destiny's child.

Destiny's child, yeah, that's what it was.

Beyonce, yes, I, I'm, uh, I'm actually very surprised

that that's not something you ever did.

So it was always gross.

So how did you protect yourself as a guy that's in movies,

your famous, your celebrity, girls are throwing themselves at you.

How do you protect yourself from not getting in trouble?

The way a lot of the other guys got in trouble.

Well, you don't, you don't crap where you eat at the same time.

I knew that that all of those things come back

and the people inside the business, how many of them were hooking up.

I didn't want to get involved with that.

I didn't want somebody.

Was a girl ever surprised when you said no to her?

Yeah, somebody, a few girls was like,

don't, one girl was like, uh, don't you want to know

what it's like to be inside of me?

And I said, I said, I'm already inside of you.

You know, we're already communicating.

You know, I'm already there with you.

But it wasn't the, we didn't have that passion.

The passion wasn't there.

When I met my wife, the entire world came together

and, you know, I understood eternity from meeting her.

I didn't feel that with the other women, you know?

So I had girls that I would hang out with, you know,

everybody has, have, when you're growing up, you got some.

And today I sit back and I think that's somebody's,

that's somebody's mother now.

That's somebody's grandmother now.

You know, the stuff I was asking them to do.

I mean, that's the regret.

That's the regret.

You just, you know, but you deal with it.

Yeah, you know, does it at all bother you

when he talks about this stuff or no?

Not at all.

I'm amazed by that.

Okay.

Today, they hit on him with you there.

How do you react to it?

How do you handle it?

How do you handle it?

I mean, I handle it with grace and a smile, you know?

I'm glad.

I like you guys trying to talk to her.

I mean, you have a beautiful wife.

So it's not like, you know, both of you guys are,

and we're not even married.

We got divorced 12 years ago.

Tell me last time, but it's pretty much,

but you guys are together.

This is my one.

Yeah, this is my one.

So it's not the main squeeze.

It is the only squeeze.

It's the only squeeze.

Okay, that's good.

It's the only squeeze because we're starting to look

like each other.

You know, she's actually become more me.

That is so funny.

You know, you see couples, you see people with their dogs.

You know, that's the law for sure.

You look like the person that you are with.

You behave like the person you're with.

So she's changed me a lot, but you know,

guys come up and try and flirt with her at other times

and she's so kind about it.

She's like, wow, you're handsome,

but not in this lifetime.

Maybe the next one.

Maybe the next one.

She'll say that.

Yeah, maybe the next one.

Not in this lifetime, maybe in the next one.

Yeah, and it's a nice way of, you know, being flattered

and also being let down gently.

So marriage and parenting, both questions.

You know, when I'm building my national business,

I was building an insurance agency,

so I was on the road for six months at a year,

going all those other places you're on the road all the time.

When you do movies, I'm assuming I don't know the life.

I'm assuming you're on the road making movies,

you know, how do you manage that and parent

and relationship marriage?

How do you manage those?

It's got to be super difficult.

Well, the hardest thing is when you take your family

on the road with you, you're not able

to completely commit to the character.

You're trying to, but you come home

and then you have to be husband.

You have to be father.

You have to be all of those things.

But when you don't have your family there,

you're kind of open to the wind.

You know, everybody wants to hang out with you.

So I've had to, my wife will let me go to the job

the first few days by myself so I can lock in.

Maybe a week.

But then after that she comes, you know,

but she gives me a lot of space and sometimes she'll give me

a separate place, you know, because they'll provide a house

for me for the fat and they'll provide housing for me.

But then she will get a separate place

where the kids are and sometimes will let me be over there.

If I've got to go and do the work I need to do.

But that's the only way I found that after two weeks apart,

we change our chemistry, you know, where we used to be like,

oh, yeah, I'm so in love.

I'm so locked in.

I'm so, so everything.

But as males, we still produce a healthy male,

still produce about 1500 sperm per heartbeat.

So that desire to, that need to, to share

and empty the storehouse is always there.

And after two weeks that can become a problem.

The lines you use, I love it.

Alex, and I'd love to empty my storehouse with you today.

You imagine.

I have the delivery to make.

How do you manage?

It is a real thing.

I mean, if you're a man, it's a real thing.

My guys would ask me, Pat, how do you manage to, you know,

when you have to empty the storehouse, how did you do it?

You can either take the route of self abuse

where you end up despising yourself afterwards, you know,

or you can, all right, I got to go work out, you know,

or I need my wife to be here.

So you go home, you know, I'm quick to fly back home.

And but most of the time, you know, my wand stays with me,

you know, and it's not like we get to play every day,

you know, you get older and you just,

if it happens once a week, but now we spend so much more time

communicating, you know, just touching her leg

on my leg at night is what will help me go to sleep.

You know, maybe at 57, this is just what happens, you know,

but it's a good thing now.

How do you deal with your mortality?

Does it mess with you?

Are you accepting it?

Are you cool?

You know, we just are recently, is it James van der Beek

that we lost from Dawson's Creek

and he made a video about getting closer to God after you saw.

Eric Dane, Robert DeVol, yeah.

And I saw a video of Robert DeVol back in the days

of him doing an interview about Godfather and Marlon Brando

and how opinionated he was about the role,

but how do you deal with your mortality?

I recognize that there's no such thing as death

because the energy, you know, the wave crests up

and then it drops into a trough

and then it reforms up again,

but even when it drops in a trough, it's still there,

but it's just an unseen part of it, you know,

there's no real death, everything that comes from us

ends up still feeding the next thing

and all living things feed off of living things.

So it's a transitional process

and like when I met my wife, it felt like her and I,

I had been looking for her for a thousand lifetimes

and didn't know that I had been looking for her.

I felt eternity at that moment and knowing that,

okay, yeah, this is starting to crack,

the seams are starting to be seen in this.

It means that in a minute I get to relax again,

I get to go back to sleep and then when I'm reborn

and you know my philosophy is everything goes from positive

to negative breathing in and breathing out.

So the next lifetime I believe you end up as a male,

you know, the older we get, what happens?

Our testosterone drops, our estrogen levels rise,

our prostate, which has the same fibers or tissue

that the uterus has, it begins to swell

and like women that typically go through their period

and all of that, our bodies when we lose our testosterone

is slowly becoming more effeminate naturally, you know,

we get older and we got to try not to grow boobs as men,

you know, we get softer and all that.

So I think in the next lifetime you don't breathe in twice

without breathing out once or you go from masculine to feminine.

So you think next lifetime you're gonna be a woman?

You have to go into the feminine.

You really believe that. Oh my goodness.

That's the only way there would be equanimity.

Otherwise, you know, you can't breathe in twice

or three times without breathing out once.

You have to, it has to be the ab and flow.

The cloud moves forward a little bit,

then the cloud takes a step back

and then it pushes too forward and then it takes a step back.

So that equanimity I think allows for karma to take place

because what we've done in this lifetime as males

will be done to us in the next lifetime as females.

And sooner or later you learn how to be extra medium

and stay right in the center and not do too much.

You really believe this, honestly.

When did you come to this conclusion?

Maybe about 10 years ago, 10 years ago.

Just looking. What prompted it, what?

Just looking at the conversion of electricity

and to magnetism, electricity does the same thing.

It's always seeking that higher pressure condition

and when it gets to the very center,

like it comes in through the North Pole and through the South Pole

and when it gets to the center of the Earth

and has no place left to go and it keeps still trying to spin right

and there's no room for it.

So it's forced to spin to the left

and it comes out as radiation, as magnetism at the equator.

That's just the natural process.

And if elements do the same thing,

they start off lithium as a plus one

and you get into the next octave

at the very end of it, it's made as fluorine on this side,

plus one in a minus one and you go into the next octave,

the fluorine, which was the mate for lithium now

and the next octave, that fluorine becomes sodium.

It goes masculine.

And then that sodium bonds with chlorine

and in the next octave, the chlorine becomes potassium.

So it's going from male to female

and if as above, so below and if A is equal to B

and B is equal to C, then A is equal to C.

By the common factor in multiplying divide

so if we are made up of all these elements,

these chemicals, that's doing these things

and consciousness comes as a result of these interactions

then the entire universe must take the same walk

if one is doing it.

The one thing that everything is based on,

if the foundation, if this is how the foundation moves,

I'm sorry, the boat is going to move according

to how the C's move and that's all we are boats

or waves on this thing of the universe popping up.

We still have to follow that path.

Was this prompted 10 years ago

by you having manboops and you said,

maybe this is what's happening to me,

is that kind of like a, is that like,

hey, I used to have muscles up here,

I used to be able to flex.

No, I think it started with a friend of mine

was having prostate issues.

How old was he?

He was only 60 and he was having serious prostate issues

and I began studying what the prostate is like

and trying to find a solution for him.

And that's when I realized that the testes

ultimately pull up and become ovaries

and the prostate becomes the uterus

and in the feminine side, the uterus drops down

and becomes the prostate, the ovaries drop down

and they become testicles,

the clitoris becomes the penis, all of that stuff,

it's just an in and out process.

The universe is very simple, it's not complicated.

Now we can throw all these other things

like you throw religion in there

and it tells you that you're gonna die

and then you're gonna float up into the heavens

but when have we seen that happen?

How does that fit with the sustainability

of our ecology, of our environment,

of our universal flow?

There's always a back and forth,

how is it that a male God had a male son

without a feminine counterpart of as above so below?

Those are the things we follow these myths

or religious understandings that we've been taught

without questioning them.

Without questioning if somebody said,

oh I had a dream the day and an angel showed up

and told me to do da da da da da da,

most people would look at them like they were insane

but most of our faith is based off of someone

that had an interaction like that

but it was told to us by someone with authority,

our mother, our father and it was told to them

by someone with authority and we give that authority

and wherever they get that information,

whether it's from the Hebrew Bible,

whether it's from the Quran,

whether it's from the ancient texts of the Veda,

we believe it based upon the authority that someone else

has put in it but many things we have in question

for ourselves.

Used to be a Jehovah witness.

Yes, I used to study which Jehovah's Witness.

I never got baptized.

Oh, you never did.

No, I never got baptized

but I studied for 25 years.

For 25 years, would you have considered

yourself a Jehovah's Witness?

Yes, I consider myself just,

I hadn't made it to the point of being

completely dedicated and getting baptized.

What prevented you?

I asked a question one day.

I have to drink some water for this.

According to the Bible,

it never rained on this planet until the year 2348 BCE,

4,370 years ago.

Or 4,730 years ago, I think.

Adam wasn't created,

was created in the year depending on how you take it.

The Mesoreg text says that he was created

in the year 4,04 BCE.

Other people have it at 4,024 BCE.

And if you look up and if you can Google or hit chat,

the idea that it never raining on this planet

in the 4.6 billion years that the standard model says,

that hit me kind of strangely.

And I began asking questions about that.

Is it possible for there never to have been rain

on this planet until the year 2348 BCE?

They couldn't give me an answer for it.

So I started doing research

and I looked into glaciation and ice cores

and the deeper you look into the ice cores,

you can go back almost 1.2 million years

and you see the same recursive things that's taking place.

And in order to have glaciers in those place

means you have precipitation.

In order to have precipitation

and have a hydrologic system that is functioning.

And rain snow begins as rain initially and it freezes.

So that question right there made me stop.

If you look at the and mind you, I love,

it's not that I don't believe in God,

but the what we've been taught is not lining up

with archaeological truth, archaeological facts.

If you look at the tree rings, you know,

they don't support the idea of a global flood.

It supports the idea of perhaps a regional flood

in a given area, but to support a global flood,

all of those tree rings, you know,

for a water to be on the earth for 150 days

and everything crushed underneath it,

all the trees would die.

So you would see a new growth pattern,

but we still see tree rings that goes back 12,000 years.

So there could, there was a flood.

There's a number of reports for a regional flood,

but as far as it being a global flood,

that doesn't match according to archaeological facts

according to the glacial facts.

So I had to start questioning those things

and remember we were told that the Bible is the word of God

and man wrote it, but it was under inspiration.

And I was like, well, if I look at 4,000,

4 BCE as the starting point for man being here,

well, that doesn't match the genealogical records

of everyone coming up out of Africa

and making their movement through Gobekki Tempo,

all of these places, they 13,000 years old,

other places showing that mankind has been here

at least 300,000 years or at least a million years.

So that was a hard thing for me

because I felt like I was losing my religion,

but at the same time, I was gaining my common sense

that when they began writing about trying to understand

what was taking place, they use the best tools

that they had available at the time.

But those tools, now we have more sensitive instruments.

And so we should be using those sensitive instruments

and using our common sense

and take the stories that we can from these things,

but not to, we have to walk away from fairy tales

at the end of the day and hold on to truth

and hold on to the God when we pray, who do we pray to?

Do we pray out there or are we praying

to a deeper place inside the connectivity to the creator?

And the thought that I had to go through an interceder,

like I'm a father, there's nothing that any of my sons

could do or my daughters could do,

that they would have to go through somebody else

in order, one of my other children to talk to me.

There's no way, and I'm not even a perfect father.

I'm a loving father and a just father,

but there's nothing that my son could do

that would make me throw him into a fire and burn him

for eternity, for something he did for 30 or 40 years,

or even 80 years, the equanimity,

it doesn't balance out, the reciprocity,

it doesn't balance out.

And I'm thinking, God is love, so how can you do that too?

But that's what some of the scriptures are talking about

or that's what some of the faith believes in,

Jehovah's Witnesses believe that,

no, you just die in your wiped out forever

and that's a loving thing,

but they were never able to explain

the, or help me to reconcile the dates

of Bible chronology based upon archaeological truth.

What did your father believe in?

My father was a Muslim.

He was a Muslim.

My father was a Muslim, like your mother.

My mother was a Baptist.

And was he a practice in Muslim?

Yes, a practice he was.

So he became a Muslim when he went to prison.

So did you ever become a Muslim?

Yes, my name was Salaman, you know,

practiced a lot, did all of that for how long?

Up until I was 13.

Up until 13, your Muslim?

And then how did you walk away from it?

I've talked about this before, but there was a day I came home

and all of the brothers from the mosque

was over at the house and there was this brother,

Yakub, you know, very kind, loved his scent,

loved his nature.

But apparently he had castrated a wineau,

a homeless person for urinating on the mosque.

He castrated him?

Castrated him.

And he's sharing the story with you.

And no, no, no, no.

All of everybody's around like 13 of the brothers

from the mosque are there because Yakub has been arrested

and they're talking about that.

And they were sitting, the argument was,

the conversation was, well, he shouldn't have, you know,

defecated, you know, he shouldn't have castrated.

Well, he shouldn't have, what is the term?

I can't desecrate, that was it.

He shouldn't have desecrated the Holy Temple

by urinating on the mosque.

That was what they were talking about.

They weren't talking about the fact that this young man

or older gentleman was also a child of God

that may have been lost.

And I was like that, it was so severe.

You're overhearing this conversation?

Yes, I'm sitting now, I'm in the stairs

and they're in the living room.

So you're not part of the conversation

to 13-men or heaven?

I'm just listening, cut it.

And it could have been 12, but it felt like,

you know, all the seats were taken up.

And so at that moment, I started questioning Islam

in that regard, because God of love,

you know, I couldn't see that happening.

So then I started exploring, you know,

Methodist, explored Catholicism.

And then by the time I'm like 17,

I bump into witnesses and they tell me about the truth

about Christmas, the truth about Easter,

the truth about all of these things.

And I believe it, because it is a truth,

but when it came to, they tell you,

stay away from astrology.

And I'm like, why do you stay away from astrology?

But I listened.

And then when I did my research,

astrology came from astronomy.

All of our religion, the 12 constellations

that the sun goes through, became the 12 disciples,

the sun dying on the 21st of December,

you know, and being dead for three days.

And then on the 25th, it rises again

and becomes that Southern cross.

I was like, wow, they wanted me to stay away

from astrology because it was the basis of most religions.

And so that was a red flag for me.

Interesting.

It was a very, it was a huge red flag for me.

Well, let me ask you, you know, to me,

there's a couple ways with this, right?

One of them is the actual debate, which is the, you know,

theological debate you can have on faith.

And that can go for hours, right?

You know, Christianity, Muslim, you know, Jewish,

you know, seven day Adventist, you know, Mormon,

we can go that route, that's one side.

From your experience, you've traveled all over the world.

You've been all over the place.

You've been around everybody.

Who do you think produces the best societies

and produces the best, safest results?

Well, the Buddhists, for the most part,

because they don't really put anything into a higher being.

The Buddhists are more so.

The interconnectedness of the universe, you know,

the entanglement and doing things based on karma,

based upon, but without the idea that you want

to gain something in return from it,

it's more of a living way, you know,

instead of a worshipping way,

a lot of our worship now has become something perfunctory,

you know, and it's transactional.

If I do good, then I can ask God to help me

and people do things and hoping they're gonna get

something in exchange, instead of balancing

and doing good, just from the sake of doing good,

you know, because it's the right thing to do,

that's what not rule number nine is make way for life.

You gotta take, you're gonna have to take in this world,

take responsibly, and give as much as you take,

if you're gonna eat a piece of fruit, the Buddhist way,

the human living way, be appreciative that you got

the flesh of the fruit, but why not go and plant the seed?

Why do we throw the seed in a trash?

The embryo, why do we throw the plant's embryo

into the trash?

Why don't, since it's sustained us,

why don't we go and plant that somewhere, you know,

and maybe when our children or one of our seedlings

is out there in the world and somebody uses it,

they'll also place it in a good place.

So it's for the karma of it, but I don't follow, you know,

any religion, any one, no religion,

but I pray constantly.

We innovate too.

How does it start?

The universe, because I believe the entire universe is gone.

You say dear Heavenly Father, or what do you say?

I have a name.

I have a name.

I have a name.

But it's not dear Heavenly Father.

You have a name.

No, it's because it can't just be Heavenly Father,

it can't just be just a man up there, a male figure.

It has to be both a masculine and a feminine side

of the deities in order for there to be balanced with it.

But there's an energy and the masculine has always been

the electric, the feminine has always been the magnetic,

you know, the discharging the expansive.

And so when I balance with that,

and I see everything is God.

There's no part that's not made from the Creator.

It wasn't just man that was made in the likeness of God, you know,

because when you look at the, how everything is born,

how it's raised, how it's, how it gestates inside of the body,

it still takes the same curl.

It's still unwinds the same way, the same thing,

and hemoglobin, same thing, and chlorophyll,

same thing in the blood of the cephalopods.

Just one or two trace elements is changed

in the center of the nucleus.

So there is nothing that's not made from the Creator.

And so instead of God living,

we're in a universe as God.

Is he, you know, near Alpha Centauri somewhere

or is he outside of the universe?

No, I believe the universe collectively is God.

Therefore, all of us are part of the Creator, you know?

I'm as small as, when I want to be small,

I think about Terence Howard.

But when I want to be large,

I think about Terence Howard in the universe

and Terence Howard disappears.

And then now I'm a part of everything.

Have you ever read conversation with God?

Yes. What do you think about it?

I love that.

I love that.

Was it recent or was it?

That was 20 years ago.

Okay. That was 20 years.

Just, I'm just wondering like, you know,

because you'll hear words being used,

and it's, you know, the universe, I'm like,

okay, so that's sometimes folks

who read the book conversation with God

that would speak the language that way.

And in some people had a bad experience with a person

who was a member of a church,

and then there's a fallen out.

For me, I was an atheist 25 years.

I had nothing but bad experiences.

And I was like, I'm not even dealing with it.

And then I met with a man who's named was Mano,

and he said the most powerful thing to me

says, if you judge God horizontally,

you'll always be disappointed, you know,

because people will let you down.

They will, you know, but if you judge it vertically,

you know, that's where the relationship begins

because it's you and him.

And that's the element of faith, you know,

because for somebody like you,

would you consider yourself a very analytical guy?

I think you're very analytical.

I'm analytical, I examine things,

but I'm very emotional at the same time.

You wouldn't be in the business you're in

if you wanted to.

It's a good balance of both, right?

Right brain and left brain.

How do you manage faith?

How do you deal with faith?

Well, like you said, with conversations with God,

I believe every conversation is with God

because everything is divine, you know?

And so when I deal with people,

a gentleman told me once,

he said, in every person you meet,

there's this little piece of God in them.

That's who you talk to.

And then I added to that, but make sure they see it

in you first.

And so that's how I deal with faith.

I approach everyone as if I'm talking

to the creator.

And I wish I had talked to that gentleman at Disneyland,

like, okay, wait a minute, this is God right here instead

of this insignificant worm that is stopping me.

He's going to connect you.

He's going to be like, Terence, I'm so sorry

because Terence Howard is on connect.

If you've got any questions,

you can always connect them here.

We're going to put the QR code below.

You've heard of office, the poet office?

No, he's a Persian poet.

I'm trying to find this thing because of what you said,

I read this many years ago and he said something about,

man, I got to find this because I think you would love it.

He says, okay, God is speaking through everything,

through the wind, through the flute,

through your own breath.

So sometimes it kind of goes to,

and if you go a little bit deeper in it,

he says, sometimes God speaks through you.

He uses human beings as a way to communicate to you.

That's in, by the way, half as is like,

Rumi, I'm sure you've heard of Rumi.

If you know Rumi and Iran,

of many times I'll talk about half as well.

So faith for you is in conversations with, okay.

So let me ask you this, being in Hollywood,

you've acted with a lot of different guys in a business.

You've done movies with some of the best,

and we talked about one time,

which movie we're in, which was my favorite,

the one with Channing Tate, what is it named?

Fighting, oh my God, the way you played in that movie,

I watched it multiple times because of how we talked

about it last time.

What did anyone in the business tell you about faith?

Are there a lot of people that believe in God?

Is it more those who don't?

Is it more, because, you know, I'm curious like,

you're on the set, okay guys, we got a three hour break,

you're sitting there with somebody

that you're doing a movie with.

What are some of the most profound things

any colleague told you about relationship with God and faith?

Well, most of them have lost their faith.

They talk about God because it's a good talking point.

I like to thank God for all of these things,

but they never identify, everybody,

a God is anything that you worship.

Some people's God is money because they do anything for it.

They'll sacrifice themselves, they'll sacrifice their children.

Some people's God is lust,

and they're willing to sacrifice all of that.

A God is something that you put that you will trade everything

for or you turn to, you know, when you're doing nothing else.

So most conversations on set, you know,

are as shallow as you can imagine

because these actors, they're scared.

They're scared, we come into the business

because not that we want to perform,

but we're hoping to be validated.

We're hoping that, you know,

so the kids that tees me in school will know

that he's an important person.

He's somebody worth listening to.

So when you're on set,

most of them has had to trade in a lot of their beliefs

and the things they hold precious to themselves

because they're in to get into that place,

to get into that business,

that it makes them not want to talk about faith

because they feel short in themselves,

but they don't realize that all you got to do

to wash yourself is truly just to wash yourself.

Every day you go to sleep, it's like death.

You're dying, you die according to your sins.

And next morning you're able to wake up with a fresh hit.

Now you can go and be a grave digger

and go dig up the bones from yesterday and follow it.

So the conversations I have with people

is mostly about, you know,

you got to remember that God renews.

I am what I shall become.

Who is the best example of somebody you watch?

Like what you said was mind-boggling.

You never slept with anybody in the business, never.

You said you're late in bed with them

and one of them asked you,

don't you want to know what it feels like to be inside of me?

And you said I already am, right?

And by the way, when you said inside of me,

you know where it took me Rob?

You know that movie for getting ceremonial

where he's singing inside of you?

Do you know what John, I'm talking to you?

He's a Larry there inside of me.

I don't know, he's singing.

He is so funny.

Was there anybody where you're like, man?

What a devout, disciplined, you know,

a man of faith or a woman of faith to be in Hollywood.

Was there any one example

where you were blown away by?

Now because most of the girls have had to trade

so much to get there, they don't have,

they know that that's part of the transaction.

100% of them?

Yeah, like the interesting thing was near long ones.

Not that we dated or anything,

but we were doing this movie butter.

I mean, Nia, I've got to, I give her a lot of credit

because she's probably responsible for me being the actor I am today,

being near long.

Nia, because Nia would constantly go

and anytime she was on the project,

she'll be like, you need to bring Terence here.

You knew who's Terence, oh, he's dope, dah, dah, dah, dah.

Well, one day we're on the set and we're flirting

and we're talked about, okay, let's hang out afterwards.

And so I get in my car and I'm like, okay,

so, you know, where do you want to meet up at?

And she's like, if you think I'm going to let you come home

and have your way with me, you got something else come.

She said that.

Yeah, but she said it in a good way

because it was, there was, there was an attraction there,

but she was like, and we've been great friends

for 20-something years since then.

You know, another girl, she's not an actor.

And Nia long as a dime is gorgeous, yeah.

She's a whole dollar, yeah.

She is a whole dollar, you know, she was,

but at the integrity, the foresight that she showed, you know,

because afterwards we knew it wouldn't have been

a forever relationship, right?

That didn't make you want to pursue it even more.

No, it made me like, I dig her.

I dig her for seeing the truth of it.

Yeah, she spoke the truth.

She spoke the truth of that.

Well, she would somebody at that time

with both of you guys versus you.

We were both single.

And is she married?

I don't know if she's married.

She was married.

I think she got divorced recently, but.

Wow, interesting.

Okay.

But that one got me.

Who else are we going to say somebody else?

I'm not, I don't know.

Okay, so Nia longed to me.

Nia was, oh wait, she was with that

coach.

Yeah.

You got to be kidding me.

Yeah, she ended up marrying him.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Interesting.

And he had some controversy tied to him.

He was, yeah, I mean, you got all the girls there around you.

I don't know what happened, but something happened.

But just the fact that she had the integrity

and the foresight to saying, no, this isn't going to go

where, you know, she was really looking for love

at the same time.

You know, one of my best friends,

or someone that used to be my best friend,

girl named Stephanie Baklon, you know, who we met to date.

But then we got in a car.

We smoked a joint and set there in front of the parking lot

in a ready to go somewhere.

And we realized we were going to be buddies for life.

And so I ended up sleeping on her couch for six months

when I didn't have work or anything like that.

And that's where John Singleton came and met me

and ended up getting hustle and flow.

You know, she was a really good person.

But that came as a result of us having an attraction.

But recognizing that the attraction,

just because you're drawn to somebody

doesn't mean it has to culminate in sexuality.

You know, and sometimes we go to that base.

Oh, wow, yes, Nicole Ari Barker.

What happened?

We were doing a movie together.

And we kind of felt like, oh, you know what?

We're playing boyfriend and girlfriend.

And there was a bit of an attraction.

And we're sitting there laying in bed,

closed on, but watching TV.

This is long before she met Boris or anything like that.

And we looked at each other like, what are we about to do?

And we laughed.

And we've been super close ever since, you know?

Marvin Gage, don't have nothing to have.

Yeah, nothing happened.

This and some people are watching the saying, you're saint.

I mean, this is not a saying.

So you believe, you believe in men and women

can be friends without having sexual attraction.

And well, you have the attraction,

but you just don't act on it.

And if you feel something like, if I feel like

I have a great attraction to sort of word somebody,

I was doing a movie with this girl, Nikki.

I forgot, what's Nikki's last name?

We're, Nicole was in book.

Yeah, she's in book.

Yeah, who was she in book.

She wanted to be a book in a time.

I don't know. She was in book.

And by the way, just so the audience knows,

your wife is given these names.

Because we've talked about it.

I'm sure we've talked about it.

I it's cool.

I dated Marvin Gage's daughter for a bit

and we've never slept together or anything like that.

But, you know, I'm more of a, you know,

I want to get to know who you truly, truly, truly are.

And then you try and take your walk to see where,

if there's a, if there's a, yeah, no, no, no, no,

and they respected her because nothing has,

and nothing happened.

So, yeah, I'm trying to think, have I ever laid in bed

with a girl when I was single watching a movie?

Science was, listen, you have, what is the,

what was the phrase, Robbie?

Shit, earlier, the 1200, the,

the first storehouse, emptying the storehouse.

Wow.

So emptying the storehouse,

you were able to control protecting that storehouse

in the moment.

I just knew that it wouldn't turn out the way I wanted it.

How did you know that though?

Because you know your prey.

You know what they'll taste like.

You know what it'll feel like.

You know when you have a perfect connection with somebody,

you know that.

How can you tell that?

How can you tell that?

Fair amounts.

Your whole body responds to them.

It's no longer a hit game.

It's, you know, it's, it's a soul game.

And if you wait for that,

then every interaction you have,

like all of these girls, you know that,

like when they started talking about me

and domestic violence,

and I'm like all the people that know me

have to know that that's not who I am, you know,

and whether they accepted it or didn't,

I didn't matter, but I was like,

but the girls that know me out there,

when they caught me and said I was a slut or, you know,

a womanizer and all that,

and I'm like, no, you're associating me

with the characters that they've made me play.

And that's been the hardest thing is showing

that there's a differentiation

just because you make me play security guard,

doesn't mean I'm a security guard.

You know, I may be a gardener at home.

I may be all of these things

just because I'm a bank president,

doesn't mean that I'm, you know,

that I'm fiscally or financially mature

or any of those things.

This is just what I do throughout this day.

So hard on this side because on this side,

like we're watching Game of Thrones

and I sort of got a feisty actor,

Joffrey anywhere, I'm gonna be like this guy,

like you literally watch it, you're like,

what a piece of, you know, you watch the mom,

you know, you watch some movies.

And Game of Thrones messed me up.

You know, and I think it messed up a lot of the world

because I get everybody into incest porn, you know,

because people started watching it.

And how many people turned off the TV

when Jamie and Cersei's hooked up

or how many people got quiet and watched it.

That was the incest that was pushed inside of Game of Thrones

and the House of Dragons, you know,

it's almost being normalized in a sense.

But I bet you incest porn went up from

walked from Game of Thrones.

Game of Thrones, you know, you,

it's presented for seven, eight years in front of you.

Now it's normal.

I got to connect the other day

and he sends me a connect first.

And then I'm like, hey, you know,

he says, hey, you got to talk about porn on rock.

I say, yeah, we'll talk about it.

He says, no, I don't think you understand.

This is serious.

You have to talk about the challenges of porn on rock.

I said, we will.

And he keeps me necked and back.

And this is like six or seven minutes later.

And then he finally says, listen,

let me tell you why you have to talk about it.

I'm addicted to it.

I don't know how to let it go.

I said, what do you mean?

He says, rock porn allows you to pick and choose

whatever fantasy you want.

And it says it, you can ask for 19 year old girl

doing this to this person in this position

and that position and this.

And I think it's horrible.

I'm addicted.

I can't let go of it.

I don't know what to do.

You know, and he's sending me a message like this, right?

So, you know, you, I was in a military.

We had a guy in the corner who was a sergeant.

You'd go to his office.

He was the most famous sergeant at our unit.

You want to know why?

He had 2000 cassettes of any porn you want it.

So Friday night, Saturday night.

I'm coming back from the gym.

All I'm hearing is, you're hearing the sound in the corner

and he's blasting it.

So all these 18 year olds are coming to his room

to watch it in his 32 years old E5.

Let me tell you what I've collected over the years.

He was a legend, right?

And it's to himself, I have the best stuff

that nowadays, right here.

He's right there.

And then think what AI is going to do

on whatever crazy situation you want.

What impact does that have when a boy watches it

or a man watches it?

When I was a kid, in order to see porn,

you can get the magazines or you'll be at a wealthy friend's house

and they had some videos.

But it was a rare opportunity to see it.

The proliferation of it today, you know,

I don't know how you avoid it like for me.

I still have to be careful.

I try and put my, make sure that my phone,

my computer and all of that is inside of the Cassita

and not near my bed if I'm away from my family, you know,

because you still have the desire to go back into watching.

And I was, wow, who was I talking to?

What is his name, honey?

God, and I love him.

I'm having a senior moment.

He played hop.

He was the voice in hop.

Yes, the voice in hop, not him, but the actual voice.

Russell Brande?

Russell Brande.

I was talking to Russell Brande and I remember saying to him,

you know, yeah, I still watch porn periodically.

He's saying that or yours?

I said that to him and he was like, what?

It was like, you really should research that.

You really should research what's taking place with that.

And I, when I did the research and considered what I want

my child in that position, when I put it back to that,

when I put it back to it, then you, you're like,

you take a moment, you know, if you can catch yourself.

But if once you start going, once you've gotten on that train,

you know, it's over.

Once you've turned it on, turned on a computer, it's over.

So for a man, it's a lot of self-control.

So I have to make sure none of this stuff is around and mind you.

I didn't masturbate until I was 25 years old.

Only because my father was so staunch about, about manhood, you know.

And I'm like sitting there thinking, this is a man's hand touching my penis.

That, that's homosexual.

I'm getting off.

If I'm getting off rubbing, your dad told you if you masturbate,

it's a man's hand touching.

Yeah, that's it.

And so for me, I didn't masturbate for the first time until I was 25 years old.

And I, I wish that I had maintained that.

Like for a second, you went back to the first time you went through you.

Yeah, I was in Czech Republic.

I was in Prague.

You remember it.

Yeah, I was inside the hotel and I had watched porn before,

but I just would watch it.

And this was the first time that I actually went there.

And then I had them remove the television out of the room of the hotel.

I wish you'd not swore.

Because I couldn't stop.

I couldn't stop.

I kept watching it.

And I was like, oh, wow.

So pushing the easy button, pushing the easy button.

Czech Republic.

And you get shot out to Czech.

You get, you get, you get caught into it.

So even at 57 years old, I have to be careful and to check myself.

So that rule number five, respect yourself.

Respect yourself.

You know, and I sit there and think about, you know, what Maximus,

you know, be sitting off in a cell doing that, you know, from Gladiator.

I'm like, because I love who he was.

And I put that into my head.

I try to.

Is that really what you would do?

Yeah, I sit there and think about.

Would Maximus masturbate in jail?

Would Maximus.

Would be what the people that I look up to, you know,

did Socrates.

Wow.

With Socrates involved in that.

And if there are, you know, I know that I don't necessarily believe

about angels and things of that nature.

But I know that there's other dimensional beings.

Because there's other, there's other temporal dimensions.

You know, things are moving at a different rate, a different pace.

And based upon the individual that came and shared all that knowledge

with me about the science, I'm like, OK, are they looking at me?

Like I look at my dog when he's licking himself.

You know, is that who I am?

And if I could, would I, would I do what my dog is doing?

You know, so I compare it like that.

I don't really want to pull me back.

How promiscuous were you at your peak?

Oh, at my peak.

I was dating about four or five girls, you know,

that I would go and hang out with, you know, was it interchanging or same?

It was, that would meet new girls, meet new girls all the time.

I asked the question because did you ever go in a runway

for like a five year period, 10 year period?

It was just, I was exploring, I explored my dark side.

I explored my dark side.

I did the Carl Jung thing.

I explored and embraced my shadow.

You know, then you realize you have to get to your lowest point.

And that lowest point was sitting there watching porn, you know,

and starting to use my gift of gap to talk girls into doing those things.

That's what age did you realize you had that?

How early?

Well, that didn't stop.

That was, it was about in my 30s.

On your 30s?

In my 30s.

What was the first time you had a sexual encounter with a girl?

Oh, I was four.

That was different.

I was four.

It was the older girls that were watching me, you know,

and they were like six and seven.

And so that changed.

Did you say four years old?

Four years old.

With six and seven year old girls.

Yeah.

And we did that every day until I was like 13.

You know, had more sex then and I've had in my adult life.

So my expectation for interaction was always, was those things.

I'm still confused.

You said four years old?

And they were six or seven.

Six and seven.

Were they Muslims?

No.

No, no, no.

Because you're father with...

Yeah, my father wouldn't have known, but when you're not supervised.

And you guys are just fooling around at...

We're just fooling.

We played hide and go get.

Pants up, pants down.

That was my experience and I'm like, I look at my sons eight and nine now.

No, nine and ten now.

And I can't imagine them getting involved in that.

You know, but I lost my innocence.

You know, it's effectively being molested.

But then you have this...

But that grown girls.

Six, seven, six, seven.

They were seven.

They were about two years older than me.

Me and my brother.

How long did that last?

Up until we were like 13.

But all the kids in the neighborhood was going out.

Oh, this is a neighborhood thing.

You guys are just complaining.

You're doing this.

And we play hide and go get.

What neighborhood was this?

This is in Cleveland.

Cleveland.

Wow.

Wow.

30th and central.

Who's watching over you?

Are you living with my dad's in prison?

Yeah.

My dad's in prison.

Well, my dad had just gotten out of prison.

But then he goes...

And he's at work all the time.

You know, and trying to hustle a job.

Because it was hard to get a job after that.

And then my mother's in school.

So...

And I didn't know...

It felt like it was wrong.

But I didn't know.

Mom never thought it was wrong.

There's no...

No, I wish they did.

I wish they did.

I wish I had never done that.

I would probably have been a completely different person.

But it gave me an skewed view of interaction.

I kept thinking that, you know, everybody was promiscuous like that.

So by the time I get 16, 17, you know, I've done enough to where I'm starting...

Now the spiritual side of me is starting to show up.

You know, but then I slipped back into it at 25.

You know, and for 25 to 30 something, you know.

We're still trying to be a Jehovah's Witness, but still having this urge taking place.

And, you know, the bad things I'd learned from my uncles and all of that influencing me.

And it takes you a long time to try and get back to who and what you really, really are.

But, yeah, that really messed me up, that.

Are you kidding me?

Like, to see...

I've talked to a lot of different people.

No one's ever told me that.

More sex between four to 13 than you're saying any other...

Yeah, and I've had a my entire adult life.

Because there's no orgasm, you know, until you're about 12-13.

So...

And when you're saying sex, you're saying intercourse.

Yeah, we had intercourse.

We was having intercourse at four.

How did I mess you up as an adult later on?

Well, because you think about the innocence of a child

and having to deal with those adult circumstances and situations,

you're not mentally prepared for it.

So now I'm super protective of my children, of other people's children.

I'm like, you know, when we have a family, a friend come and visit

and they've got an infant, I'll secure the whole house and put pillows everywhere.

I'm just overly protective because I wanted somebody... I'm trying to protect me.

My kids are never alone.

They are never alone without two at least two people watching them.

You know, just because I don't want what happened to me to ever happen to them.

What a perspective.

So if somebody who is not probably nothing happened to them,

so they think automatically everybody is saying before you since it happened to you,

you're always paranoid of what could happen.

Yeah, I mean, when I was 13, you can trust me with your daughter

because I thought the way that interaction was, you know,

there's this play that we do, you know.

I didn't pull myself fully together until I was about maybe 15, about 15.

I started seeing the...

I started seeing where I could head to, you know, that...

No, because it was a girl that I wanted to marry.

And I loved her.

I loved this girl.

And she...

She wanted to have sex and I didn't want to have sex.

This was like 14.

I just started studying the Bible and really coming around to who I would ultimately become.

And she ended up having a train ran on her by my friends, you know,

because I didn't want to have sex with her.

I didn't know she was a freak.

But she was trying to be free like this.

So it was...

You don't know her reputation.

I know.

She didn't have a reputation at the time, but she was ready to explore.

So she had the train had happened already?

No, it happened.

She's thinking about it.

Yeah, it happened after...

Because I wouldn't do something with her.

So that's what I'm saying.

I would have the ones that I loved, I didn't want to touch.

The ones that were special, I didn't want to touch.

But I was treating other people's child.

Yeah, like, well, she's not somebody I want to marry or anyone.

Did any father ever find that and come and get you?

I want to be a brother.

I wish they did.

A brother, nothing.

I wish they did.

Really?

No, because they were every...

What would be to know?

Like how many girls would you say from 4 to 13?

Oh, at least 100.

At least 100.

From 4 to 13, at least 100.

Mm-hmm.

Oh my goodness.

And you don't want.

It's not something that you...

No, I don't think so.

You're sitting there looking at your life, like, wow.

So that's what made a difference for me when I got older.

I didn't want, you know, when I would be next to these people.

I knew that feeling of taking that walk.

A lot of people didn't explore sexuality enough to where they had an opportunity, you know,

to sow their wild oats at that earlier age.

But it's literally...

It's how the system the government has been set up to where the father and the mother are not at home.

There's no caretakers taking care of looking after, you know, the most important part of the family anymore.

At that time, when that's going on, would you...

I have, like, 50 questions, sexually transmitted, that anybody get anything.

Anything, nothing.

So none of those things happen.

Did you witness older men coming in taking the energy of younger girls or no?

No, but what I did see...

Well, there would be some 16-year-olds, you know, messing with younger girls.

But that was all normalized inside of the community.

It did not...

That was just the transaction.

That was how we played.

I thought it was normal.

And you guys called it a game?

You know, let's play high and go get.

And you're saying that to like, three girls are with you.

You're saying that, or is it you and your buddies and three girls there?

That's about eight of us hanging out and, you know, with all...

Like, high and go seek, but it was high and go get.

And you would decide, pants up or pants down.

And that's...

I would hate for my child to be doing that this day.

And it causes you to forget most of your childhood,

because you don't want to remember...

You don't want to remember those things.

But those are the things that painted me, you know,

with my father being sent off to prison,

with my mother trying to have the career instead of taking care of us,

because she didn't get the career that she wanted.

What did she want to do?

She was...

She ended up graduating from college and all that,

but she wanted to be an actress.

She wanted to be a journalist.

She wanted to be all of that stuff.

That didn't happen for her.

And she lost being able to protect her sons, you know.

Because now all my brothers and Jehovah's Witnesses,

they've made different choices in their life.

But I know that those thoughts still go through their head of the choices

that we made when we were younger, you know.

And you're just a little more overprotective,

a lot more overprotective, you know, about who you are.

And I look forward to the next lifetime of not remembering it any more.

Did you guys ever run into each other?

Did you ever run into any of the girls...

No, I haven't been able to leave them.

You've never been back to college?

I've gone there, but I've gone to college.

Not to go...

Not walking through it.

You've never seen a movie The Judge with Robert Downey Jr.

Robert DeVol.

Know how he goes back to the town.

He grew up in it.

And he never wanted to go back.

And he runs into the girl of his ex at the bar.

Yeah.

And when you go back, you don't see any of these old friends.

No.

And that's why I was explaining to my daughters

that if I bumped into girls that I had interaction with,

I wouldn't even know their face or name.

It's pretty well.

Hi, everyone.

My name is Terence Howard.

I'm an actor.

But in the field of science also.

So if you would like to connect with me,

you can connect with me on Menect.

The QR code is down below.

And let's have a great conversation.

So your mom inspired you to get into the movie business?

Yeah.

And how did that happen?

Because she wanted to be an actress.

And I thought if I became an actor, I would get her affection.

I would...

Because she'd do it over my younger brother Antonio.

And wanted him to be an actor.

So I thought if I became an actor, she would...

You know, I would get that love from her.

What did Antonio end up doing?

He's a contractor now.

He's a contractor.

Yeah, practicing witness.

Practicing witness.

Yeah.

He's good for him.

He's maintained...

Good relationship, you guys.

Yeah.

We have a great relationship.

But...

Are 11 of you guys all close?

Most of us are.

Great.

We...

There's a lot of communication.

And the younger ones are kind of getting their own thing out there.

I don't have as much in common with my brothers anymore because I'm not a witness.

And they're still trying to, you know, proselytize in a way.

And I'm trying to open their eyes to...

Let's look at some of the statistics, some of the facts, you know, from the Scriptures.

If every word is supposed to be the word of God, if you find one mistake in there,

then you've got to throw the entire thing out.

You have the entire things that becomes questionable.

And like I said, I'm not questioning the divinity of God,

but I do question how we've been taught in our belief systems.

I think our belief systems is time to raise them and take the allegories that we can,

but we need to start basing things on actual fact.

So you're going into Hollywood.

At what age did you get the first job?

How did you get into it?

The first job I got was on the Cosby Show.

I went to Barry Moss's casting agency because my brother in Tonyo was invited to come in there

and then he couldn't go because he was in Cleveland.

I was in New York at the time and I went in there and I got the job on the Cosby Show.

Is that it, right?

No, that's not it.

I was living single.

They cut me out of the show.

Oh, they cut you out of the show.

Didn't they really?

They cut me out of the show.

Because I was just a friend of Theo's, playing ping pong and all of that.

And I was so hurt by it.

And I caught my great grandmother, Mini Gentry, who was an actress who had been on the Cosby Show.

And I asked her, I said, I feel like I need to go talk to Cosby because Cosby had told me that he liked us together.

And I hadn't had talked to Barry Moss in three weeks or whatever.

And so I went up to Cosby's room, went to the Coffinist story of Queens, Coffinist story of studios.

And they made friends with everybody inside of the lobby.

You know, so they let me in thinking I was coming in.

And I waited outside of Cosby's door and I said to him, when he showed up, he was like, hey, what are you doing?

I was like, I just love to talk to you for a minute.

And he invited me into his room and he said, so what's on your mind?

I said, I watched the show last night.

And he was like, good, good, good.

And he said, I said, but they cut me out of it.

And it's like, yeah, it happens.

Yeah, it happens.

I was like, but nobody told me that it was going to happen.

It's like, you know, your agent should have told you, I was like, oh, I don't have an agent.

It's like, oh, okay.

I was like, but well, you said that you that you liked us together and you were going to have me back.

I haven't heard anything from anybody.

And he took a minute and looked at me.

And he was like, well, you know, it could happen.

You know, but it also can't happen.

And I'm like, well, you know, what I did is I told everybody at my school that I was going to be on the show.

I was in college at Pratt Institute.

And I had them come and watch the show.

And then I wasn't there.

And I was embarrassed.

And he said, well, he said, well, in this business, you learn you don't tell somebody or something.

And let somebody call you and tell you, tell you, they saw you.

And then he said to me, he said, he said, but that's just how this business is.

And I said, well, you know what?

I'm a man just like you.

Here's this 19-year-old boy that takes another moment at Disneyland.

I said, I'm a man just like you.

I eat, piss, and I crap.

But the way you're talking to me feels like I'm an insignificant worm.

You said that.

Yeah, I said, and how old are you?

I'm 19.

I'm 19.

And I never told anybody about this conversation.

And he was, I said, but if this is how the business is, I don't think I want to be a part of it.

And he said, that's the choice you got to make.

Well, I leave there.

And Barry Moss will never take my call again.

And then maybe seven years later, I bumped into Malcolm from all Warner on a set.

And he's like, he was like, yo, I heard about you having a conversation with Bill Cosby.

And I was completely in the wrong.

I didn't get disrespect for with him.

But I was in the wrong because I should have, I needed to have an agent.

I need, I didn't need to come.

So you're taking responsibility?

Oh, I did that.

I did that.

I did.

There's some, but Cosby, you know, years later, he called me and because that rumor I got out there, you know, thinking that I had been black bald because of Cosby.

And he said, I would really would love for you to go on the radio and tell them that I didn't do this.

And I just like, I don't know if you did or didn't, but you weren't in the wrong that time.

You know, the same thing happened with me and Joe Silver.

I get, I'm doing the brave one.

And we're at the Venice Film Festival.

And some reporter out of nowhere, gas lights me.

And he says to me, he says, it's like, why isn't your name above the titles with Jody?

And I'm sitting there thinking, yeah, why isn't my name above titles with Jody?

So I started making calls as if that was my right.

And it wasn't.

And then Joe Silver came and had a conversation with me.

It's like the reason your name isn't above the titles is because you're not, you're not the star of this thing.

It's Jody.

And if you went, if you get nominated for an Oscar, it's going to be for supporting actors.

It's not going to be for best actor.

And I was like, okay, thank you for telling me that now I understand.

But you have to remember, I'm a man just like you.

And if you ever talk to me in that way again, I'm going to knock your teeth out your mouth.

You said that.

This is what I said.

And then I have to fly back on the private flight with him.

And Susan and Susan Downey is his producing partner on that.

And then maybe eight months later, I lose Iron Man.

And I'm sure that all of those things played their part.

But I got gaslit.

He did the right thing in coming and talking to me.

But I responded in this aggressive manner instead of being cool about an understanding that, you know, you get what's what's supposed to come to.

Something to admit to them.

You're in a business where it's, it's image.

It's so you're to take.

So yours.

So what, how could you have done it differently?

I would have, I would have just let it pass with him asking, you know, you shouldn't you be above the titles.

Well, if I should be above the titles, I would be.

You know, you are where you're supposed to be.

Now I understand that.

Shouldn't you be with that girl right there?

Yeah.

That was my girl.

Should I wither and despair because a woman be so fair?

Is she fair to me?

A girl may seem as fine as can be the most beautiful thing you ever did see.

But if she ain't mine, what the F.I. care how fair she be.

That position above the title was in line.

I didn't need it.

How, how important is it in Hollywood on the, how often do actors say, wait a minute, why my number two?

I was number, how is it a, is it a very important?

Yeah, well, it shows it's, it's still the classes.

You know, I'm above this.

I'm below this.

You know, I'm, and I right now I don't care where I'm at on the call list.

I just want to perform the best that I possibly can.

I've grown up now, but the mistakes I made back then.

Oh my God.

I'm the one that put myself in the dog house.

Other people didn't do.

There was a game.

There's a way you, there's procedures to the game.

If you don't follow the procedures, you get out of it.

And I did not know how to control my anger at the time.

I did not control my mouth.

You know, I kept getting in my own way.

When we were doing this movie boycott and Jeffrey Wright is sitting there

with playing chess with each other right before he's got to go in.

And I've got my, my pawns, three pawns set up here.

But I haven't been able to castle.

I'm trying to castle, but I can't get, get around there.

And I've got a bishop that's still blocking my, my blocking me from being able to castle.

And he dropped his rook down.

And you know, checkmate of me.

And he said, right there is your biggest problem.

You won't get out of your own way.

He said, the cameraman was watching you.

And he's seeing you from this angle.

And he looks good like this.

And he could do this that and the other.

But he said, but you won't do it.

Because you won't get out of your own way.

And getting out of my way then was I had a gold ring that I was determined to keep on.

And I was like, I always wear this.

And it's not the character.

I was like, but I always wear this and done it.

And I was in my own way about something that was unimportant.

I had forgotten.

You know, and you grow up and you listen when I had a meeting with Denzel once.

And he told me, it's like, look at your hands, man.

You're always like this.

You fist all bald up.

He said, and all these producers want to do is they try to open your hand.

And so they can put money in it.

But you won't do it.

You keep your hands all tight like this.

And you're blowing it.

And this is 20 years ago.

Holy moly.

What kind of price?

So 20 years ago, were you at your, were you come 20 years ago?

Would be what?

19, no.

2006 or 20 years ago.

It was right before, it was maybe about 20, 28, 20.

It was right before I did hustle and flow.

It was right before, because I ended up going back into the Chitlin circuit.

It was no longer being supported by the studios again.

You know, because I'm so impressed.

How many times?

At least eight times.

I've had a number of opportunities.

And, you know, but my aggression, you know, my need to be a man.

You're going, you're going to go talk to me like that.

You know, instead of learning how to diffuse and to walk away and to smile,

okay, this isn't your day.