Teach from the scar not from the wound.

0:00Hello, and welcome to this week's episode. It is another solo episode. I've got quite a few guest episodes lined up, so I don't know when our next solo episode will be, but this episode is going to be named coach from the scar, not from the wind. And I suppose this is going to be a little bit of a deep one. I've been speaking to a lot of people about their journeys, the unsuitable series has been amazing, like listening to other people's and their journeys. And I suppose this is a bit of a three-six day full circle back to why I do, why I'm doing this stuff. And obviously most of you who will listen and then will know my story, but then there'll be a lot of people who actually don't. And

1:01I'm not going to go up here, really, really delving deep into it, but I also want to have packed on this day. I want to have transparency. I want to have a place where people feel like they are not alone, because when you're in that place, you don't really know that anybody else is there. If I'm being honest, maybe more so you would now, because there's so much social media and stuff like that. But certainly a decade ago, I had no idea. And what I'm talking about here is emotional abuse, domestic abuse. And I'm so passionate about this subject. I was probably going to say I don't speak about it enough, but what is enough? Do you not mean like I don't know? I don't know. I don't know if that is the right thing to say.

2:01But when you're in the crux of it quite often, actually, you don't realise you actually are. I've been noticing a lot of posts and stuff on different female groups and people asking things about their partner or asking things about is that this doesn't feel right in question and things, which is amazing that they are questioning them. Quite a lot of it is abuse and they have no idea that it's abuse. Equally on the other hand, you can be in a position where you do know it is and you just don't really know how to get out. So I suppose I just wanted to be honest and transparing and even though I'm in an amazing place now, I've done loads and loads of work on myself and also that is never ending, FYI. There was moments like years ago that I felt completely powerless and felt trapped. I don't want to use the word broken, but there are definitely

3:10elements of that emptiness, that silence, that definitely not myself, like my shine was absolutely marked. And my wound at that time was really raw. It was painful. It was quite suffocating. I remember always saying that I've never experienced anxiety or depression or anything like that, but when I look back and I think about certain situations, I would feel sick to my stomach in certain situations because I was going to be late, for instance, because I knew at the end of that journey it was going to be horrific. There would either be silent treatment or it would be a barrage of abuse. But here's the thing though, I survived. And I hate using the word survivor because I feel like it's so much more than that. And I have done loads and loads of hearing and I

4:14don't want to say I'm healed because I don't think that is ever the sign. But throughout the hearing process, I've realised that the wind doesn't define us. It has started us. The scar will tell a story. It shows resilience. It shows that we've came out of the other side, stronger and wiser and ready to step into our fucking awesome power. And I've heard that before about teaching the scar and not from the wind. And it's really resonated with me. And it was years ago I've heard that it's just popped into my head today and I was like, I need to speak about this. Because I think so many of us who are in this space where you're in some sort of healing capacity where you're teaching other people, that might be personal development, it might be holistic healing and maybe whatever it looks like. Most of us are in this space because we have

5:21experienced something and we are then kind of having the way with our stick in our hand kind of thing. Which is amazing. Like I think I think being, having experience of a certain situation is amazing because people couldn't resonate with that so much more. People come and when people are opening up to you, you actually know how they feel. The same is like quite often and an alcoholic would go to somebody who's at a covered and alcoholic and so on and so forth because people get it. They get it in a way that a textbook doesn't. And I think there's so much power in that. There's so, so much power in that. And I'm really, really conscious of making sure I'm teaching from the scar and not from the wounds because when you're still in that process where you're still deep in that that kind of wound deep in that healing deep in that engrossed in still getting to even really like the word triggers, but like still getting triggered

6:25from things, still getting emotional about things. And that's not to say emotions are bad. The absolutely aren't. I was speaking to kids in school yesterday about like your emotions are valid there. They should all be honoured and like not being allowed to be angry is like you need to be allowed to process that. Like the whole film then said out, I say that all the time I fucking love that film. But I don't stay in the trauma and make it a lesson. So I am actually so grateful for my period of life that, or in fact, for everything because it's not just that one thing. There's been, it's the ripple effect of so many other things leading up to that. And then that itself and then the other things that have led off the back of that. But I usually wouldn't be doing, again, I can't say that for sure, but it was definitely a massive catalyst as to why I'm doing what I'm doing. And it's less likely that I would be doing what I'm doing had it not been

7:27for that experience. Take all the wisdom that these experiences gave me the strength, the insight, the compassion. And I pass that on to other women from a place of I know how that feels. I am on the other side, but like I said, there's always, always, always more to be explored and more to be uncovered. Because I know what it feels to be, I know what it feels like to be there. And I also know what it feels like to rise again. And that's not to say that that is a linear straight line. It's absolutely if I get not. But it's important that we, I remember speaking to a therapist and she said to me, you can only, you can only help however much you've healed, something I'm pure crucified at, but something along those lines. Because when you're stirring that pure crux of healing, you helping other people in that moment is probably not going to do

8:35them any good and it's probably also not going to do you any good. So I think it's so, so important to learn the lessons, take all the, all the wisdom and all the, all the stuff that's came with it. And then use it, use it to help people use it to use your voice shoes, it to shut things from the rooftops, abs of freaking lovely. And so I suppose I spoke to her last night and I didn't, I don't know what she was, what she was actually wanting it to do. But so I get her I spoke to the last night briefly within a sound bath, not within a sound bath because there's no talking. But like at the end of a sound bath and she was talking about wanting to help other people and she was in a covered an alcoholic, I think she said she was. And like I am a massive advocate for like fucking do it because people need to see that there is, there is light at the end of the tunnel, they need to see that there is, there is another life out there for them should they choose

9:40to do that. So it's so, so important that we are massive advocates and massive inspirations and you're using that impact for good. But we just need to be mindful that we are in a place where we can hold space for people, we can hold people, whether that's a space or whether that's, not necessarily a space, but where you can hold people without pulling you down, without draining you, without pulling you back into something that you have clawed your way out of, let's face it. So I suppose the message that I am hitting out with today is the past doesn't define you. The pain that you've been through doesn't have to be your identity. And I think that's so important to talk about that because your identity does shift, like it does shift anyway, but

10:40as a, it is a bit like a cat pillar into the, what's it called, the chrysalis, into the butterfly thing, like there is, there is lots of uncomfortableness that comes with shift and your identity and it's so important to highlight that as a massive identity shift, if I was to look back at myself, even a year ago, there's been identity shifts, but if I was to look back at myself when I was in the crux of that relationship that was really toxic, that was, that was, I can't even put into words how detrimental it was to my own well-being, my own mental health, and I was always a guy, a guy, well, we'll be a guy too, why not? I was always as person, it was like how would and through keep on going, keep just keep swimming, just keep swimming. And I still continue to be

11:42that externally, but internally I was fucking crumbling and I was getting barrage of abuse about what I looked like or what, what my body was like or how shit I was at whatever this X-Wine said, I would get told that I was worthless basically, I would get told that nobody else would want me, but equally on the flip side, I must have a boyfriend, why am I, if I was putting makeup on or going out somewhere or putting non-jump clothes on or whatever, I must be getting dressed up for some deals and all that stuff that comes with it, couldn't bring my eyes off the floor when I was out on the outside because I would get, I would get, I cannot even begin to explain the abuse that I would get if there was even a slight chance of me accidentally catching somebody's eye, whether

12:44that be male or female, it didn't actually matter. If anybody said anything like really lovely about me, that was also not okay. Anyway, like things we get fond of me, you name it, and like I'm actually going to let it go in day, but not right now. In fact, we're on it, we're on it, we're on it, but yeah, I think we have to be mindful that we have to make sure we are through a process before we start coaching other people or teaching other people or holding space for other people, equally though, like, absolutely, if you have a fucking story and you have a hinderly frown, fucking shout it from the rooftops, people need to hear this, people need to hear that the the success stories, and that doesn't mean rags or itches, that means like fucking anything that lets success, what success is to one person is totally different to what success is to another, and we all have to get over ourself from thinking like, oh, what if what will people think of it may or whatever, like, who gives a fuck, could just go and do what feels right for you, tap into your

13:51intuition, tap into that and I was them, tap into all those amazing lessons that you have gained over your loved experience and fucking use it for good, use it to heal the world, use it to create impact, use it to also be a business and do something that you're actually passionate about and something instead of being in a rat race alive, but you're working whatever on 9-5 and a job that you hate, surround it by people that you hate, fuck that, fuck that, anyway, take your lessons from it, use your power, that is your fucking power, your scar is your superpower, it's what makes you a superhero and I'm here for it, if you're listening and thinking I don't know how I'll ever get there, I know this that you abs a fucking look like can, healing and personal development and transformation, it doesn't mean that you're forgetting or yet that you're pretending at nothing happened and that's really really crucial, healing means you're learning and you're

14:52growing and you're letting your scar guide you to the life that you fucking deserve and that's the journey that I walk with side by side with incredible women on retreats, I'm also going to be doing one-to-one holistic healing sessions on freedom program, there's a membership incoming, by the way, like it's a journey that you can take to and it's a beautiful, beautiful journey, it is not easy all the time but I'm so glad that I have been through the peaks and the troughs and everything that's came with it to be where I am just now and to be teaching what I'm teaching now and and just yeah it's just amazing, it's amazing when you can you can use your experience to heal others, so thank you for letting me be a little bit more vulnerable with you today, if that's resonated I want you to remember that your scar is not a fucking weakness, it's

15:59truth of your truth, truth of your fucking inner strength, I want you to own it, I want you to learn from it and I want you to let it fucking guide you to rise to the fucking stars, I was trying to think of another word there but that news came, so I'll see you in the next episode, I have got loads and loads and loads of guest episodes coming up which is exciting, loads of different stories, some of them I know, some of them I don't, which is always exciting, so keep checking and keep tuning in, if you want to reach out to me at all feel free to do so, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook or even on here, I also love our message on here, not quite worked out how to how to reply, can I reply, I'm not sure, anyway send your loads and loads of love and light and healing and beautiful stuff and I'll see you next time, bye!