Seelf Inquiry Part 2

0:00All right self-inquiry part two of three So in the first video we talked about background of self-inquiry We talked about a little bit of history and modern history ramen of Mahershi and so forth and I talked about What goes into inquiry what what you take into inquiry how you orient to inquiry? How you prepare yourself? um And then this in this video I'm going to talk about the process itself and the next video. I'm going to talk about what happens after and Each three of these phases are important and I talk about this in my book if you haven't seen that read that check it out But the way I break it down is in these three phases because Again of the pitfalls that come with this process and with any spiritual process any Process of digging into your identity It's important to talk about the pitfalls in the same way. It's it's important to talk about the actual process so Because of all the pitfalls both before and after it's just as important to talk about what happens before during and after

1:04so The last thing I wanted to add actually about Going into this process is To the degree you can going into it without expectations is really helpful Now that seems strange. I know because your mind might say well my expectation is to wake up It's like the biggest expectation. I have it's such a big deal And that may be the case in the relative world. That's fine relative world meaning your life as you know it yourself as you know Yourself your motivations as you know them. That's fine But when we are talking about moment to moment In experience we're talking about instantaneous experience not even moment to moment but when we're talking about the process itself Of inquiry you have to be willing to really give yourself to it That's surrender you have to be willing to surrender to the inquiry because Probably what holds it up the most is just this kind of background expectation. You're not aware of Um And that comes with the other side of that is not willing to let go of your expectation

2:09Or your your sense of orientation. There's a great quote by my friend Ashwar who says He said this a few times, but uh what he says is when you come into contact with the unknown You might want to turn back. There's something in you that will want to turn back He's like and you have a choice you can turn back to the known Or you can continue into the unknown And that's a very very good way of saying it You have to be as you move into inquiry you have to be willing to go into the unknown Now that's a paradox in that Yes, you discover in a sense what was never hidden but It's not known in the usual way we talk about known at all It's it's kind of this very mysterious truth Living truth There has nothing to do with knowledge not thought knowledge Not self-knowledge right so just wanted to say that Now as we talk about the process itself as I mentioned in the last video there are different ways of doing this

3:11I've talked about probably different ways of doing it But every time I just try to give certain nuances that are helpful And I never knew who's going to watch this or who it's going to work for so I'm sure to work for somebody and that's enough Uh, so when we're when we're inquiring and by the way if you haven't seen the first video definitely watch that first So when we're inquiring um As we as we move into the actual inquiry experience I want to say something strange and that is It doesn't matter as much what question you're asking as you think Um, in the first video I talked a lot about who am I and the robin approach of asking who I am who am I Noticing the thoughts that answer that question and then seeing To whom do those thoughts occur or to whom did that thought occur and then seeing the answer is me And then beyond that asking again who am I then right that's his process um so It can be the question who am I it can also be the question what is suffering

4:14What is the root of suffering? It can be the question could be what is truth The question could be what is stillness I've heard versions of all of these work for people The question could be what was my face before my parents were born So So find a question that resonates with you. That's interesting At the very least a question that invokes true curiosity Because if you're just like ah who am I who am I yeah, I don't this doesn't do much for me But I think it'll give me enlightenment. So I'm gonna keep doing it You know, you're gonna do it half-heartedly at best But if it's if there's a juicy question like no who am I Because I used to think I was this and that and this and that This person in this timeline, but I can see now that that's all thought So who am I really yeah, so if you have that kind of curiosity that's great curiosity is key to this

5:17bring with it curiosity uh and When you ask the question Really to the degree you can feel into it Don't contemplate it don't think about an answer or don't analyze feel into it And if if if feeling into it leads you to think if that puts you in your head then hold that lightly But it's much more of a feel thing than a thought thing It's much more direct experience than it is concepts It's much more mysterious than it is known So feel into it When you ask the question Don't ask it like a mantra like who am I who am I who am I You might start that way maybe maybe it'll clarify the mind a bit Maybe it'll be a bit of a one-pointed approach or something But ultimately that's not what you're trying to do It's really like who am I

6:19And then really seeing how that moves your attention See if you can notice it moving your attention somewhere that your attention's not used to moving Because your attention's used to moving to thoughts I promise that's that's what's happening almost all the time To the next thought But when you ask who am I knowing that no thought can define who you are Now where does your attention go Who am I Not trying to land Not looking for a conceptual answer and anytime a conceptual answer appears or a thought appears disregarding it Not pushing it away or resisting it Or getting frustrated just saying to yourself that's not it that's a thought So who am I

7:19At some point you can use any in literally any question or almost any question what is this Once you know the feel of inquiry You almost don't even need a question Because inquiry is kind of continuous with this this sort of abjected mystery that will appear And when you start feeling that mysterious nature of of the inquiry you're in a good place Let your attention move be playful be Experimental with your attention Don't be experimental with thoughts Let your attention move wherever it wants to move be intuitive Let go Who am I And literally let your attention go wherever it goes don't try to control it This is I think where this part this actual asking the question probably fails the most is someone's trying to control it You have expectations you're not fully seeing and you're using those expectations to

8:23Read out Read out. Oh, I didn't work again. How do you know it didn't work Who are you that knows that ask that question. Well, who am I then Can you just not land somewhere Who am I Or if it's a call on what is move Can you let that not land somewhere like a thought But genuinely ask genuinely release the question Who am I Noticing your attention will start to move differently Might feel floaty and kind of strange and Not knowing where to land, but it's still kind of moving around almost like looking for something Not for a thought anymore

9:25That's fine You might feel sensations you might feel emotions doing doing this You might feel a fear emotion arise if it does it's okay. Maybe really intense for short time It's okay stay in the gap Keep in that mystery don't insist on an answer Don't insist on your expectations being what is found or your expectations coming to fruition Because there are expectations Who am I Now That's one kind of instruction. I'm going to give you a different kind of instruction And these actually overlay one another they kind of stack Although they might feel different at first. They're they're the same thing But This other pointer is very simple and direct it is

10:27Noticing simply noticing That which is the most At the center of your experience That which is the most You in a felt way What is the most felt sense of you What is the most felt sense of I Or what does it feel like to be who I am right now Knowing that you don't have to go anywhere to touch into this by the way You don't have to go anywhere. That's the strange Very strange paradox about self-inquiry You're not going to a new place You're learning to not go into the well-worn False place Of thought of the thought-based I don't go there

11:30Be willing to stay in the mystery Resting in what it is that feels like the most You the closest What's the closest experience possible right now I'm just feeling into that And if it gets heady you can use self-inquiry lead yourself back or just remind yourself in the way I just said it That that itself Sometimes really it helps people drop in There's a degree of surrender to all of this as I mentioned at the beginning and that Becomes a little more important as the inquiry matures and by important I mean You know come forward in your experience This kind of surrender it'll feel more Real than your thought-based Understanding It's more of an intuition

12:33And it's automatically here It's not you can't construct it It's just here This mystery this curiosity This wonder This Not a thought Not a concept not an I thought That is here already And it will become more and more compelling and interesting and I say compelling it's a it's a physical resonance when I say interesting it's There's nowhere else you want to put your attention anymore But you don't have to hold your attention rigidly there either. It's it's a freedom of attention It's not interesting in a conceptual way you realize all those concepts have fooled you derailed you caused misery Rest here Rest in this I don't want to make this video too long or complicated or have too many parts because I don't want to make this unnecessarily confusing That's it Watch it a few times if you need to read my book or the chapter on um

13:36Inquiry To dial in further Yeah All of the clues are in these videos Just know you can watch the videos and catch five clues, but the seventh sixth and seventh one maybe the ones that it's easy They're easy for you to overlook for instance Because again the ego has a bit of a Coping mechanism it it likes to survive. It doesn't like to be broken open like this. So Be patient The last thing I'm going to say and I really like this uh There's let me say it in two versions one is ramen actually Said This isn't something this inquiry the self-inquiry isn't something you just do when you're meditating You do it all the time right All you can do this all the time Now I'm a little cautious to say that because I don't want anyone to beat themselves up because you forgot to do it for five minutes Or because when you're working you don't have time to think about this or it's too distracting

14:40That's not what I mean But when you really are on fire with the Dharma when you're really ready for this shift to occur Something will want to do this all the time or basically all the time that you have the capacity You have the bandwidth or the free time to do it And that's how it was for me. It was so profoundly enjoyable when I hit that place where it's like oh shit I can do this all the time. This is what I was like I want to do Why don't I do anything else? Yeah So That's a good place to be but that's a good pointer for Ramana and then in the three pillars of Zen and this is a Common thing that the Zen teachers and certain traditions would say When you're working with a koan say which self-inquiry is is a koan um You can treat it Like a like a real like a railroad track, right? It just goes on to infinity And don't deviate That's what I mean by letting your attention free itself from the binding of thoughts Let that continue on endlessly

15:40Because why not it's so enjoyable finally Being free of that next thought and that next thought it's being free From all that Doubt fucking suffering like it's right here When you taste that Then it's like you're willing to apply that that little bit of effort. It's not a lot of effort at first It might be feel like a lot of effort but with time it'll feel like Just a bit of effort and a bit of alertness But you'll start to read even be able to relax into that. It's kind of in my book when I talk about where alertness meets relaxation That's the sweet spot and you'll find that here So be willing to continue on with this instead of just telling yourself the same old story about whatever it is Your spiritual journey and your frustrations and whatever How long do you want to listen to that story? It's so frustrating, right? So uncomfortable so Replace it with this replace it with this endless inquiry into the nature of truth What more could you want to do in this life like it's it's here for you. It's amazing

16:44It's The last thing I'll say is there's a quote in the Three Pillars of Zen where Harada Roshi This very small short but very fierce Very renowned Zen master who many many many people woke up underneath him um in his in his vicinity and during his retreats and so forth Uh, but in the Three Pillars of Zen they talk about how he came into the zendo during Sushi and everyone's deeply meditating and all this and these Mashes a stick over the altar breaks it and he yells at everybody says you're holding the most precious thing in the universe in your hand Don't squander it and he's right