Sara Haines Isn't The Jealous Type

0:00We're fresh and wild cherry cola meets smooth cream. The tree you deserve. Pepsi, wild cherry and cream treat yourself. All right, it is Thursday, March 26. I'm here with Sarah Haynes, who's after my lucky charms. I know, I know, I know. I'm like a week late on the shelf. You're a week late on St. Patrick's Day, but that's OK. You look great. It's good to have you. It's good to have you. All right, welcome to Behind the Table. Thank you, Brian. All right, so let's get right into what's been going on at this show. First of all, we've had Abby Huntsman on for the week. Yes. This is the first time you've been in the... Been in the same space as her. Yes. It's almost... Yeah, it's like everyone talks about. You'd love her, and she loves you. And we know each other, we've met each other. But we're always sitting in the same seat. Yeah, I've always thought of her as mirror dimension Sarah Haynes, like she's...

1:01Yes, which I'm honored. Yeah, sure. People don't put together that I left the show in the nabby sat in my seat. And when Abby left the show, I came back to the seat. If you ever actually touched the world ends, I'm sure. No, I agree. They won't let us near each other. No, no, it's very serious. She's just in the name of science. She's anti-matter of Sarah Haynes. I'm in a weird sci-fi place today. But what's it been like having her at the table? So nice. I mean, you couldn't find a friendlier, warmer person. She's just a really good person. All the... And I've seen her, I've met her, I've hung out with her. But I have not spent like a full leap with her. And it's been really nice having her background and the staff's happy because when you're as great as she was, people miss you. And so getting to see her was a treat for everyone. No, it's been a lot of fun. It's been a lot of fun. How about the whole process of guest hosts in general? What's that been like for you? Because we're coming, it won't be too much longer before Alyssa's back. Yeah. And we definitely miss her. But at the same time, it's interesting to have different voices here, I think. Well, I think with the table we have now,

2:03it's like family. Like you're there, you can anticipate, you know. So when Alyssa was first leaving before I missed her so, like now I'm just like, okay, now it's been just enough time be with your baby. But I miss her, just her company, you know? But usually I kind of like occasionally when someone's out because again, when you eat dinner as a family, you, the conversations sometimes, you're never really surprised. Yeah. Having someone new, you just don't know what's coming. That's true. I would say at this point, I've heard every story that you, Sunny, will be Joy and Anna Navarro have. Everyone. Right when someone starts, I'm like, oh yeah. I remember that one. Yeah. Like, mm-hmm. And that is the strength of the show. Yeah. Absolutely is why we enjoy each other's company. We respect each other in a way that the chemistry's great. But. There's an excitement of not knowing what somebody's gonna bring and what they're gonna say. Yeah. It still shakes it up a little, keeps you on your toes. No, I agree, I agree, it's been fun. That being said, we miss you Alyssa.

3:04Yes, yes, I got a baby video earlier. Oh, did you? Yeah. Oh, that's fun. And then I started talking to my phone, and I thought, what am I doing right now? Yes, I like, I've told other people this, but she texts about the show a lot and she's watching intently. Which again, I don't recommend as... I can't watch it when I'm... Yeah. No, but she's enjoying it. She has good notes. I've gotten a lot of... I love that. Yeah, I've enjoyed it a lot. All right, so we had a great show today. We had WNDA superstar Brianna Stewart with us today to break down the new historic WNDA collective bargaining agreement. Yes. This was exciting for you, you're a Liberty fan. Three words, it's about time. Because I'm not just a Liberty fan, having been an athlete all the way through college, I still identify as one and to know, you know, women for so long, there's... Oh, I mean, in every field, there's an inequality of pay, whatever, but I remember my mom talking about Billie Jean King all the time and playing Arthur Ash, the male... Battle of the sexist. Yeah, Battle of the sexist. Even when you watch those documentaries,

4:05you hear about the inequality, the soccer players, there's a moment for women's sports right now that is so much bigger than... I mean, it's just huge in my mind. So I happened to love basketball, love the Liberty. So to have Brianna Stewart here was so cool, but what she was talking about was even more important. It's a real win and it's late, but it's... Better late than never. But it's here and that's great and it means so much to the players and to the fans too, I think. It'll really elevate the whole league in a way that needs to happen. Well, when you hear some of the things she talked about, like that they had not had to deal with, but she was saying we made corrections here and there, I thought it actually really highlights what you didn't have. Yes. I mean, the fact that these are the steps, but you've got to take the wins as they come. This was a huge deal. I thought the interview was insightful and interesting. However, I was a little distracted by the battle between Joy and the Hat. I don't know how much you were aware of it. Oh, Joy was like ready to like bounce off

5:06like the base, the hat lids. She was, I don't think she's a hat wearing a bait, like a... No, she seemed puzzled why the hat would not fit her in any way. So one, no one's told her about the size of her head one and chew the size of her hair. Yes, the hair is really, she needs like a hair mitt. But she was really perplexed by the whole thing and could not, but when she took it off because of the product of her hair, she had the little cap and she looked so cute. I wasn't gonna, I was like, I'm not fixing this. Today, I want to tell you about one of our partners, Reathlete. Before I go on, take a moment to check in right now on how your body is feeling. How does your back feel? How do your hips feel? How about your knees? I got some issues. If you sit for most of the day, you might find that your body saves up a lot of discomfort and Reathlete is a seat cushion that's designed to help. With their serene sits orthopedic seat cushion, you experience all day comfort. It's made from advanced memory foam arranged in a unique W-shaped design.

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7:08Try Quaker Protein Instant Oatmeal, granola, and bars. Great taste and a good source of protein. Quaker, bring out the good. This episode is brought to you by Redfin. You're listening to a podcast, which means you're probably multitasking. Maybe even scrolling home listings on Redfin, saving homes without expecting to get them. But Redfin isn't just built for endless browsing. It's built to help you find and own a home. With agents who close twice as many deals, when you find the one, you've got a real shot at getting it. Get started at Redfin.com. Own the dream. All right, speaking of staying on the basketball court, there's a video of University of Maryland, Women's Basketball, Coach Brenda Fries, that went viral. It shows her and what appeared to be a heated exchange with one of her players. But when asked about it, the player said that it was a regroup moment and her coach was telling her that she believed in her because that's what she needed to hear. What was your reaction to it when you first saw it as an athlete? Well, I only thought of it when I saw the words,

8:09because otherwise it just looks like a big heated, loud exchange and those big arenas. But when I saw her saying, I believe in you, I believe in you, but you have to believe in yourself. Like, I wanted to get on the court. I was like, put me in coach. Look, that endorsement, because so often it is that you have to believe in yourself, but to hear someone you revere that's led you, say, I believe in you. And in one of those massive moments, I think you probably feel like the most invincible and unstoppable you've ever been. Did you have coaches that did that for you that gave you the clear eyes full heart that you just can't lose come to me? No, I'm just kidding. Well, I'm your coach now. It's I believe in you. You do, you do. I don't know if there was one moment, but I've had both my basketball and volleyball coach were kind of like that. I tend to follow, if you're not hard driving when it comes to a coach on a court or a field, it's hard for me to feel inspired, because I was with great coaches, everyone loved, but it's kind of like being best friends with your kids. Like it felt more like that.

9:09Right. And my coaches specifically in high school actually, coach staffers who just passed away this last year and coach Mills, those were my two coaches. And I remember what made me push harder was I knew they were pushing me because they did believe in me. And so again, I wish I could fast forward to March madness and being under that coach and being that player, but similarly, I think everyone who's played on team has been at one point. At least twice a season, I tell you that you should believe in yourself and you're doing a good job, at least. Yeah, and then you smile and say, I know you're needy. And it's like, you literally undo any stand a little vacuum kindness by being yourself right after. I have trouble not being myself, but you're really needy. And you know, game recognizes game, although needy myself, I'm not pretending I'm not, but yeah, all right. So, you know, it was not needy. Joy, that woman.

10:09Talk about bulletproof titanium on every level. Yeah, just bounces right off her. She cracks me up every day. All right, I have to go back to this because speaking of joy, earlier this week on the podcast, Joy told us the story of getting hit on by a fellow patron in a casino. And her husband, Steve, getting pretty jealous, it seems like. But now when you heard about this, you said something that struck me. You said that Max never gets jealous of anything. Nothing. Do you want him to get jealous? How can that be? No, he doesn't get jealous. So, I don't know to just what you must, but he doesn't get jealous in life. He just, jealousy is not something he channels. I would love a little jealousy because I recognize what a gift that is to have someone that isn't falling victim constantly to their own jealousy. But it does show like that girl inside of you, that teenager, that one that listened to love songs and breakups lasted three days in tissues.

11:10Wants to hear a little signal of what we... Well, he's the opposite of Needy, really. It's, he's like that robot that Melania walked out with the other day. I mean, it's... Well, you know how they say model the way you want to be treated? And in relationships, even if it's something you need from your partner, make sure you're really doing it in front of them. When I see him socially, I don't get this impression. It's more from talking to you. Yeah, because he has a Russian resting face. So, he always looks a little like just the same steady. But he seems like he's driven by logic and trust. He is, he looks, look it up. Let's talk about it. You're human emotions confuse me. They mean nothing. So, I'll model a behavior and the other... You don't have to get along, I think. Well, the other day I said something to him and I was saying, he looked a certain way and I go, I just want you to know that you're... I want you to feel needed and kind of like wink, wink. And he was literally like this. Thank you. Moving right along. So it's not a confuse. My AI husband, who is like, no.

12:11So it doesn't surprise me. He's not jealous, but for so long, I thought. He clearly does love me. Do you ever try to make him jealous? No, but I actually tried it lightly. In the beginning, I remember one time meeting up with an ex-boyfriend who was in town. I hadn't seen. And when you're really with someone, you should miss them and want to see them. We'd had a friendship, too. So I was asking a friend, it was Aaron, my best friend. I was like, what do I do? She's like, well, make sure you've alerted Max. You ask him if he's okay with that. How it makes him feel all this. So I remember, I say, this person's gonna be in town. I'd love to meet him for coffee. He goes, okay. And I was like, well, I just wanted to mention it. You know, okay, are you nervous? He's like, are you nervous? No, I was trying to be respectful of, okay. And it's real. It's not like he's pretending not to be. No, he legit just, because I remember that lunch went late and I thought, oh, maybe now it'll bother him. And I remember call, and I was like, a little teary, emotional, you could take it the wrong way.

13:11But it was really just having one of those kind of, you know, big conversations that makes you emotional. And I thought, Max would be like, do you miss him? Do you, you know, and he's like, oh, babe, this sounds like it really upset you. And I'm like, everything was about my feelings. It was so healthy that I almost was like, do something. Yeah, come on, man. Have you not watched an 80s movie? Yeah. I mean, do you get jealous for him? No, I don't. Okay, so it's the same thing. It is. It's just because you trust each other. Maybe that's what it is. Yeah, but I'm trying to even think like, I love when I find out people think he's adorable. So like, people will comment on him and I'm always like, I know, right? So it doesn't make me. He's just proud. Yeah, and it's weird because I can be jealous and I think I was more jealous dating him. I think as you find, for me, I found the security, the irony of finding the security in marriage and really just discovering how capable I always was.

14:13Right. If that makes sense. So I think I've changed in marriage in a way that has made me so chill. My wife doesn't really get jealous, but if she did, she'd never let me know. And that's the thing. You may not be here today, if she. If she actually got jealous, yeah, she'd take me out. But I just, she never admit the jealousy under any circumstance. Oh, no, she did. To the death of her. Yeah, to the death of her. That would never, I'd never get that moment of satisfaction. She'd never give it to me. Right. She may change her name, but she'd never. Yeah, I'm consistently jealous, but I have nothing to trust in her. And I could, because exactly that reason, like if my wife decided to stray, she'd just let me know. Oh, yeah. I'm gonna. She'd make sure. Yeah. I'm gonna move on. It's been a good run. There she told me. Yeah, at least she told me. Speaking of Max, Andrew McCarthy. Yes. Recently made news for breaking, speaking of 80s movies. Yes. Recently made news for breaking down why men in midlife don't have friends. He said, that's not the same Max doesn't have friends.

15:15No. He said, women know the value of friendship. I think more than men do. We're afraid of the easy intimacy that women are sort of willing to go to right away. And I think the notion of intimacy for men is what they equate with some kind of sexuality. Yeah. And that can be frightening thing for a heterosexual man, especially someone who is in some way like lately homophobic or something, I guess. But what do you make of this? So it's funny how they say women understand the value. I don't even think that captures it. Women need their friends. I think the myth was always that was more around marriage than that one person would answer all your needs. And then you realized, wow, I was never going to be capable without my people, which are my female friendships. Right. I have male friends, but I mean the core that only they will ever understand you type of friends, you know, and Max has no shot. Like, you know, so I need Max, but I need these friends. So I think because of the necessity of surviving life as a woman, you're aware of that.

16:16What I don't think men do is their situational friends. So as they're going through high school, they have their friends, their college, their friends, maybe they have some at work. But to have those like sustaining endless friendships, which I know you have, so I'm not speaking specifically to you, you have to effort them. And what I don't always see is that like Max has old friends, he doesn't have tons of new friends because that would take a fresh nurturing that's not available because you're both at a high school game or in a college dorm, you know, you have to effort it. And I think men often revolve around a lot of duty for the family in a way that because it's not so clearly than this need they know, they feel it's a choice and I don't think they go out and do that. It's funny, some of my closest friends I haven't seen in years and they're still my closest friends, but I talk to them, I text with them, but just that what life has become, I don't actually get the like, it's been a long time since I sat at a bar with them

17:16or even call them on the phone to chat. Well, when you think about it, the way, and I'm, by the way, I'm definitely broad-stroking it here, but the way boys talk to each other and eventually men can thrive in those younger years when it's situational because life isn't necessarily as heavy, hopefully, you know. But I think the problem is when you haven't nurtured those conversation types, those heavier feelings ones, as you start to have life happen, you don't even know how to use flex that muscle of talking about real things. And I'm partially laughing here because whenever Max goes out, he has friends and they'll be out for so long. And I'll ask about something that I'm concerned about. There was at once one of the people had a sick mom and I was like, how's his mom? Then someone had a wife that was pregnant, different guy, I was like, how's she doing? Literally to every one of those Max's like, oh, I don't know, we didn't talk about that. I was like, you were gone for eight hours. What did you talk about, you know? And they don't always dance into those heavy things

18:19and life is defined by those heavier chapters. I find it so relaxing to be with my guy friends and not talk about those heavy things. Because that's true. But the problem is I get that because it might be the way you feel better. It's your out, but it never does deal with the feeling. And so if all you have is your wife that you're talking to on that level, because our parents are older and you don't have a big support group socially to talk about those things because usually it's at work. Right. You really aren't dealing with it. Yeah, I guess I don't really feel the need to. I'm not gonna charge you for this session because you're not laying down in the couch, but. I can clear this off. Yeah. No, but that's interesting to me. I, what about opposite sex friends? You still have close male friends or not really? I do. I do. Because I have female friends that I talk more about that sort of stuff with than I do my male friends. Yeah, you know what? As long as you have someone to talk about it with, the problem is that just like women

19:20will always be able to relate better to fellow women than necessarily a man to a woman, the same thing is needed for a man. You can have all the female friends you want. You have your wife, you have your friends, you have your, but you do need someone who gets it. You know what I get from that's gonna be a man. But to that point, I'm never calling one of my guy friends up for a heart to heart. Like that's never gonna happen. Yeah, that's the difference though. I can crumble into a ball and cry and ugly cry to get on the phone with my friend. I don't see Max or you. Are you gonna pretend you've never called me in an ugly cry because it's happened? No, I've called you. Yeah. But technically, if I said you're one of those people, you'd be like, yeah, I'm your boss. Like it's not the same thing. No, not according to HR. Yeah, and that's how I could justify the Binky Breakdown to Max was he's mad boss. Like I like that and that's the name. The Binky Breakdown. It was the Binky Breakdown. Yes. All right, so or Binky Gate. Binky Gate, that was big too.

20:20All right, so tomorrow on the show, we have Amanda Pete and she's one of my favorite people. But she just made a lot of news. Did you read her? Yes, I did. She revealed for those who haven't read it. She revealed that she has breast cancer earlier this year while both of her parents were in hospice. Why do you think she decided to be so open about this? Could you see yourself doing something like that? Well, one, the writing was some of the best writing I've ever seen. And I say that because something that's well written, it's not like grammar in this, it's when you can find the limiting language of English to put a word on it that captures so much her choice of the way she'd end a sentence. I'd stop and I'd be like, whoa, that was like you just got punched in the gut. Like it wasn't just the topic. It was how she addressed it. And the themes in this of grief,

21:21in the inevitability of losing people we love, specifically generationally, your parents, it spoke to diagnosis of heavy diagnoses, having friends close to me, and the way they would talk the pain, the suffering of hearing certain words, waiting for certain results, not knowing for periods of time, playing math in your head as to where you fall as a statistic. The way she captures how she's going through that and the delicacy in which she speaks of not only end of life care, but a heavy diagnosis was so beautiful that I got done and I was just floored. She's one of my favorite guests, people, she's funny. I love her as an actor. I didn't know all of this stuff, you know? Well, we're going to talk to her about this on tomorrow. I can't wait. Yeah, you seem like you're in full Mershko Margette mode, so I'm going to get security. Well, I'm going to like take a few deep breaths because I'm already on the one. Don't freak her out. No, I will not freak her out.

22:21But just like, I admire her so greatly. I already loved her to see all this work she's doing. I mean, yeah, plus her husband ran Game of Thrones, which is also very, I mean, not a bad stat. Not a bad. All right, thank you for joining me today, Sarah. We'll have an all new view tomorrow, which is told you a little bit about and we'll see you then. Behind the table is Executive Produced by Brian Tetta. Supervising producers are Nathan Getty and Summer Shea. Associate producers are Emily Darcy and Caterina Alexopoulos and our editor is Brian Davis and director of publicity is Larry Hogan. From ABC Audio, Trevor Hastings serves as senior producer with director of podcast programming Josh Cohen. Starting a business can seem like a daunting task. Unless you have a partner like Shopify, they have the tools you need to start and grow your business. From designing a website, to marketing,

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