S9E8 Examining one line Haiku, The Form, The Flow

0:00Hello and welcome back to the Poetry Peacast with me, Patricia, and if you've been listening to me or reading my emails you'll know that I've been doing a lot of thinking about one-line hi-coup. So today together we're going to have a little exploration of those one-liners. And I'm going to refer to the poems, mostly as poems, sometimes as hi-coup but it's a bit convoluted to keep saying hi-coup and send you every time I refer to them. So bear with me, you'll know what I mean. Now, why did I do this? Well, because many of you requested, I'd

1:03take a look at one-liners and I thought, you know what, it's about time I did so. And if you've been with me for any length of time, you'll know when I tackle a subject, I start with the history. But I'm going to do things a little bit differently this time, whoever. This time I'm going to read you some one-line hi-coup and ask you to think along with me. You see, even at this stage of the process and I have read so much, I have two, possibly three podcasts planned on this subject. I have questions which are still not adequately answered despite what I've been researching. Maybe by the end of the next podcast, I'll have worked through my questions and come up with some answers, but I'm not sure. Are you ready to come on this voyage of discovery with me?

2:05Okay, let's get into some poetry. Those of you who are I, certain Busan members will get a copy of these poems delivered to your inboxes. Otherwise, there'll be show notes with links. And if you'd like to read along with me, I'll put a slide show on YouTube. That's if you're not already watching me of course. As I read these poems, see if you can figure out some of the techniques and maybe write down some questions for me as we go along. Email me. You know where I am. In the eggshell after the chick has hatched. In the eggshell after the chick has hatched. And that was by Michael Seagas from hi-coup magazine in 1971. I wonder whether you could write this on three lines,

3:05so you put the break off the eggshell and off the chick. In the eggshell after the chick has hatched. In the eggshell after the chick has hatched. You could, but it's a bit choppy, isn't it? What about two lines with the break off to eggshell? In the eggshell after the chick has hatched. But there's something missing, isn't there with that one? Rain in gusts below the deadhead troutswell. Rain in gusts below the deadhead troutswell. That was by John Willes, who, as you know, is one of my favorite poets. And it's from Upper Distant Ridge written in 1980 or published in 1980.

4:07And we've spoken about this poem before because later in his life he took another look at it and he did edit this to a more traditional three line poem, making the break after gusts and deadhead. Rain in gusts below the deadhead troutswell. Rain in gusts below the deadhead troutswell. Which do you prefer? I think if I'm honest, I prefer the three line version. The one line version travels too fast on the line for me. In the three line, I've got more time to think, more time with the image, more time to save the poem. Soft rain, the commas in our silence.

5:13Soft rain, the commas in our silence by Alvin Cruz from Wales Hiker Journal Spring 2024. And this poem has been written in a fragment phrase form, a more traditional form. It's based evenly and, of course, no punctuation. I don't see any way to add cuts in multiple places to alter the meaning of the poem, the cut for me comes after soft rain. Am I missing something? Soft rain, the commas in our silence. Soft rain, the commas in our silence. In our silence, soft rain, the commas.

6:20No, still most successful as soft rain, the commas in our silence, for me anyway. Leaving all the morning glories closed. Leaving all the morning glories closed. And this one was Elizabeth Sirl and it was the HSA Harold G. Henderson Memorial Award winner in 1978. And again, if you're watching this on YouTube, you'll see that she has left some spacing in here to give us some hints along the way. So there's a space or a pause between leaving and all, and then another pause in the space after glories. Leaving all the morning glories closed.

7:22And again, it's set me wondering, would it have been tempting to write this poem as three-line poem with the middle line as a pivot? Leaving with maybe an elitist. All the morning glories closed. Or leaving all the morning glories closed. But all in all, the one-line version. At least when you're reading it on the page, works best in my humble opinion. The Band-Aid Covering a Band-Aid's Mother's Kiss. The Band-Aid Covering a Band-Aid Mother's Kiss.

8:26A one-line poem by Carla Ramesh from Upstate Dim Sum in 2017. And I've read it as it appears on the page. No punctuation straight across. And sometimes, I think it would be nice to have some hints in the punctuation. And then sometimes, it's not because you can play with the poem to your heart's content. And that's what I'm going to do now. Mother's Kiss, the Band-Aid Covering a Band-Aid. The Band-Aid Covering a Band-Aid Mother's Kiss. Covering a Band-Aid Mother's Kiss, the Band-Aid.

9:30Lots of opportunities to play with Carla's poem. I get a real feel for it. Carla could have written this as a three-line version. Cutting after the two Band-Aids, the Band-Aid Covering a Band-Aid Mother's Kiss. But I think it takes something away from the rhythm and disguises that lovely circular form of the poem. We're going to leave it as it is and allow it to flow around and percolate in our brain. And if you'd like to learn more about Carla and her poetry, she has been on the podcast a few times. She always gives us a masterclass when she comes. But there's one particular podcast that is pertinent to today's edition. I'll add some links in the show notes.

10:32Still pond alive with clouds. Still pond alive with clouds. And that's by Tess Sherman from the Heron's Nest in 2025. And what great imagery Tess has used. You're there with her, aren't you? You're at that still pond, but lovely still day with oodles of clouds in my mind, big, fluffy, cumulous clouds. Maybe drawing up for a storm. I need to bring life to that pond, don't they? Still pond alive with clouds. Slow motion, pi-chi crane dance. Slow motion, pi-chi crane dance.

11:33Scott Wiggerman from Chrysanthemum in 2018. And again, like Carla's like so many, actually, one-line poems, you can choose to put the breaks, the pauses, the cuts, whatever you want to call them, in different places. Slow motion, pi-chi crane dance. Slow motion, pi-chi crane dance. Crane dance. Slow motion, pi-chi crane dance. Only the cry from the stretched shadow down the empty street harvest moon. And that's by Martin Gottlieb Cohen from the Poetropy Journal in autumn, 2021.

12:38And it's a poem that when I read it for the first time, took my breath away still does. If I'd been creating the Golden Peas Anthology in 2021, this would definitely have made it in. And it's a poem that when I read it for the first time, it took my breath away still does. This would definitely have made it in. And it's a poem that works on one line. I mean, maybe you could try changing it to three lines, but I don't think it works. Apart from the obvious cut before harvest moon, where do you create the cuts? No, let's leave this one just as it is and enjoy it. Only the cry from the stretched shadow down the empty street harvest moon. Four skinheads stand in the street light rain chatting under an umbrella.

13:42Four skinheads stand in the street light rain chatting under an umbrella. Alan Ginsburg from his American sentences. I thought it was interesting to end with this little poem by Alan Ginsburg. He, as you can see, had a bash at writing one line haiku. In fact, he did a whole series of them. Interested in trying to keep what was thought to be the tradition of 17 syllables. And because haiku in Japan were written in one line, he decided to write in one line. Four skinheads stand in the street light rain chatting under an umbrella. I rather like it. Often when you write in 17 syllables, it sounds a bit strange, but I love the

14:47imagery in that one. Okay, now I am left with so many questions about one line haiku, but before I get to the questions, I have a little bit of housekeeping for you. If you're enjoying the poetry podcast, whether you're listening on a risk constitutional, keep up that pace, or hiding from the washing up, which I frequently do. Maybe you're just savoring a quiet moment with a notebook. Do consider supporting us. You can become a member, which comes with its own rather splendid benefits, the sort of benefits that make you feel part of something quietly marvellous and poetically industrious. Your membership, whichever one you can afford, genuinely keeps the whole enterprise ticking along, and I am properly handled heart grateful for it. But if membership isn't for you, you can always buy a coffee from time to time,

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16:51Right, back to the questions. Maybe you can help me. Email me. You might have answers. You might have more questions. Help me. But right at this moment in time, this is where I am. So my first question. Have we, with our attempts at one-line poetry, appropriated the Japanese short form? Have we turned into something that the Japanese poet wouldn't recognise? And expanding on this a little, are the one-liners that we write, which we called haiku, or send to you? Actually, unique to non-Japanese short forms. I'm low to say they're unique to the English short form because I bet if I ferret around in the haiku of other languages, I might find similar poetry.

17:55Not sure I'm going to get to the bottom of this one. Anyone got any help for answers, sources I can read? Next question. If we limit this piece of work to just looking at English language haiku and send to you, do English language one-liners conform to our idea of English language haiku and send to you? Not ready to answer that one yet. Is a one-line haiku, a one-line haiku? Just because the poet says it is. Ooh, might have some views on that. Keep you posted. Are some of the one-liners we're seeing in our haiku and send to you, journals? Actually, haiku, stroke send to you. Let alone poetry.

18:55Ooh. And are there techniques to writing them? Well, happily, I'm going to talk about technique next week, so that your one-liners and indeed mine can take on a new sheen of brilliance. They do come back and join me for that one. It's been a pleasure to share these poems with you. I must thank everyone who helped me by sending me poems and thoughts. You know who you are. I'm eternally grateful, but I don't want to be that Oscar winner who forgets to mention the most important person, so I'm going to leave it at that. So, in the spirit of mission impossible, imagine me speaking a very serious voice while adjusting my entirely non-secret service earpiece. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is this? Send me your questions about one-line haiku, the puzzling ones, the thorny ones,

19:57the critical ones, I want them all. And if you happen to know anyone who is genuinely knowledgeable about the rhythm of Japanese haiku, and I mean properly knowledgeable, ideally with linguistic qualifications, do point me in their direction. This message will not self-destruct, it will, however, wait patiently for eternity on this podcast. But more important than secret missions, poetic espionage, syllabic sleuthing, is this? Yes, you know it. Keep writing. Because the only truly impossible mission is becoming a writer without actually putting pen to paper, so wherever you are, whatever stage you're at, and however perplexing your haiku may be, keep at it. And don't forget to whizz along to the website, check out the show notes, cause it'll have links. And that will help your haiku writing. See you next week. Ciao!