[Rerun] Nina Dobrev

Today's episode of podcast was recorded weeks prior to the sag strike Nina Dobrev as an actor.

I am an actor. We stand in solidarity with our union and our fellow actors and with the writers

guild. We mention a few projects, not in promotion. We're not promoting them. We're reflecting.

So anything that you hear is to be taken in that context.

There's artistic gymnastics, which is like a group sort of like synchronized gymnastics with

those same things. And so I was like a substitute on the Canadian national. What?

That's pretty true, you know? But it seemed like it was just nothing.

Represents a substitute. That's like two emphasize the word substitute.

Welcome to podcast. We are hosts. I'm Penn. I'm Nava and I'm Sophie and I think we would have been

in your middle school besties, flinging tampons at the wall. I'm glad I wasn't the only one.

Hello everyone. Welcome to pod crashed. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Hello. So I have been having

a lot of trouble getting dressed in the mornings. I'm worried. What happened?

There's a lot of factors. One of them is my growing bump. I'm pregnant. Where? Oh, that's right.

Yes. Congratulations.

But along with that, this studio can be quite cold. Sometimes it's quite warm. It's hard to gauge.

That's not that's not our vibe. And this morning I was having a lot of trouble. I put on a sweater

that I just felt really confident, you know? And then I'm getting ready for the interview.

My mom facetimes me. Oh, no. We're chatting. She's like, who are you interviewing? And I said,

oh, Nina Dober, you probably don't know her. Just because my mom is sick in her 60s, right?

And my mom's like, oh, no, I know her. I was like, okay. And she said, well, what are you

wearing? And I was like, this. And she said, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I love

Helen. And I just said, I can't. And I have no fun. I can't handle this right now.

That I went out to David and I told him the story. And he's like, I do kind of think

she should change. It's like great. So I changed out of the sweater. Not anything much better.

Yes. I have my options are limited people. It's the belly. That's, you know, I have to say that

for a moment today, I was running late because I was looking for my wallet blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, should I just not even bother wearing makeup? Because it's Nina Dober,

I've like, who looks good? Like, I'm gonna look like trash anyway next to her. But then I was like,

well, let's give myself like a tiny, like a tiny little bit of help. I'm just a little confident.

I don't look like a zombie next to Nina, but wow. Anyway, my mom is going to be watching this episode

carefully. Does your mom watch? No. But she will watch this one. Well, so you already know who it is

outside of film and TV. Nina uses her presence to support causes like education, animal rights,

and environmental sustainability. We love to have it around. We think you'll love listening.

So don't you go anywhere.

Hi, it's Julia, Louis Dreyfus here. And I can't wait for you to hear our new episode of

Wiser Than Me with Cindy Lauper on Amazon Music. Cindy may be a girl who just wants to have fun,

but for 40 years she has brought playfulness and a dash of punk to some serious activism.

We talk about her lifelong LGBTQ plus advocacy, her astonishing music career,

and pick up a whole lot of wisdom along the way. Listen now only on Amazon Music included with Prime.

Have you guys met before? By the way, we must have. I have this like horrible disease where like...

Where you're famous? And you like I know who you're famous, so I know your work. I've watched you

like I've seen you yeah so like and then I've seen you probably at events but not

talk to you. So it's one of those things where I'm like I don't know if we actually did the

hello nice to meet you. We're going to show it on at the same time. Vampire Diaries at some point

they definitely overlap. So I have a very core memory of you know my first season on Vampire Diaries

which was your guys' second season. And it was my first upfronts and I'm like shipped in from

Canada. I've never done an upfronts. So upfronts for upfronts for people who don't know which is

going to be most people I think. It's like I don't even know that it's that much of a thing anymore

because of streaming but I think it is still. Yeah there must be because the world is run by

advertisers and where they want to spend their money but basically you go to like Madison Square

Garden or something like that is a giant giant giant place and all the people from all the shows

on the network because networks are not as much of a thing now but you know you go you go up

on stage and they show like a preview of your show. And then it's just like you're there for the

advertising people who are going to potentially buy time on your show like for commercials. So

that was a very boring explanation that I wish we could cut out. Is there like a panel are they

asking you questions? No it's really weird. The thing about it that is so distinct is that you

have never felt more like a product in your life you know and you're just and whatever you know

you're trying to just get through it. Anyway so you are it up front. First step friends first

season of yours. Correct and there's like a green room in the back and I don't remember if

I'm sure you were there. Maybe yeah. Sure like everybody was there like our whole cast was

there. I would have been hot. No that's not true just for the record. And we were all like

shoved in this green room waiting to go on stage together and I just remember being like

this is a lot. This is a lot and this is so crazy and like what's happening where am I.

So yeah so we didn't cross pass too much but that one time. Yeah. We were probably in the same room

but I don't think we talked to each other. Yeah. Well for good reason thank you for coming.

Thanks for having me. So let's just jump back a little bit further. It sounds like you moved back

to Bulgaria when you were 10. Is that right? Correct. And then and then you and then a few years later

you came came back to America. Correct. So that means by by about middle school you had just been

back like do we call this home? Did it feel like home Bulgaria? Yeah I feel like both were home

in different ways because yeah those are the formative years. So I was born in Bulgaria and then

we immigrated to Canada when I was two so at the time I wouldn't have called it home in Bulgaria

because I didn't really remember anything but then when we went back when I was about 10

until I was 12 I was you know yeah those are very like I was very aware of those years and

and it was very strange fun because it was like a new adventure but also looking back I now see

how strange it must have been for my you know the formative years to have gone through that.

What was it like to return to Canada? So you know I spoke Bulgarian at home my parents didn't let

us speak English in the house but then when I got to Bulgaria I didn't I realized that like it was

very broken compared to everyone else and because of the fact that like the European education system

is just far ahead. Yeah. They bumped me back two years. Oh wow. So I was going to school with kids

two years younger than me. Wow. Which was really obviously awkward and uncomfortable here but

they were sweet and like it was fine but then after school I would have to go to tutoring to like

try to catch up. So it definitely felt really stupid. Well to me that sounds really demoralizing

and like frustrating. Yeah hard because it's like this is not your first language anymore. Yeah

and I mean that's so that I feel like that feels like it would be very yeah just like emotional.

Yeah it didn't feel great at the time. I remember feeling sort of less than compared to everyone

but then I mean I had the support it's not like people were mean as far as I should remember

unless they were so mean that I blocked it out and I'm actually traumatized by it. I don't know.

Is that sweet? Yeah. Still have some therapy to do there so we'll report back.

But you know the weirder part or the yeah maybe it balanced out because when I answer your

original question when I did eventually go back to Canada everything I had learned now I was

suddenly ahead compared to the my peers in Canada. Minus the language part but in terms of like

what math they were doing and like all the subjects like they were they were doing like

multiplication and and and division and all these like crazy things and like kindergarten and

first grade there. So yeah so when I came back I actually advanced and so it then I was all

of a sudden got my like confidence back up you know. Writing time for junior high. But I sort of

forgot English a little bit like English was awkward for me because I hadn't practiced in so

long so then I did not relearn English but sort of you know kind of get used to it again and

and get used to seeing all my friends again and you know it'd been two years since I'd seen them so.

So I mean that actually sounds like it was just many years of feeling a bit destabilized.

For sure but you know everything has a has a positive and a negative like it was a definitely

destabilizing looking back on it but at the same time I think in the moment it was a fun adventure

like I mentioned before it was going to a new place and meeting new people and my mom is very like

you know she's she's an artist so she's very what's there I'm looking for she's just

spontaneous and up for whatever and and so she's sort of instilled that in me and we'd go camping and do this

and that and like everything was on a whim and when you're in Europe you can just go to other countries

because they're a couple hours away by car and so we were just constantly moving around and so I

think that has permeated and affected and sort of bled into the rest of my life like I almost feel

uncomfortable sitting still for too long and being in one city for more than you know a week or

two. Right when you when when Dana first got into the studio I don't know if you guys heard it

but we were talking about you know New York City where we live and I asked you have you ever lived

here and you had an interesting way of responding which is like sort of and so I can now I am now

hearing the kind of background of like how mobile you've been and why you know how you can feel

like you're in many places. Yeah for sure. So also what I think maybe people do not know about you.

I didn't know about this until doing our our research. You were very serious into gymnastics.

Is that correct? Yeah but not. I mean internet sometimes magnified. No for sure it does but also

I mean I loved it. I was rhythmic gymnastics just to be specific because a lot of people when

they think of gymnastics, think of the Olympics and you know Gabby Douglas and you know all that

I didn't do that kind of gymnastics. I had like a ribbon and a hoop and the rhythmic specifically

is that but then also there's artistic gymnastics which is like a group sort of like synchronized

gymnastics with those same things and so I was like a substitute on the Canadian national. What?

That's pretty huge. I mean I didn't seem like it was just nothing.

Right but I was a substitute. I just emphasized the word substitute.

I had competed a few times but not like I wasn't like the girl like I wasn't going to the Olympics.

I started kind of late. Was there the possibility of Olympics? Not for me really. No.

But for that team that was something that's. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah for sure. Two of the girls

on the team because there was like 10 of us, 12 of us and I think that's been so we're

really going back in time. I should have done my own research on my own history. I don't remember

how many women girls I guess were on at the same time. I think it's between six and 10 maybe

or doing like a choreographed routine and then there was a couple of substitutes but maybe

you should fact check that for me. I don't think anybody's going to hold you too.

Yeah so two of the girls were like did go to the Olympics for just rhythmic as individual

athletes and I think she played I mean I don't remember what she plays but she's yeah she

went pretty far. But you didn't feel that kind of pressure. I guess going to try to just you know

try to I it seemed like maybe it was part of you know just like the the makeup of your environment

and like where you were coming from in or early in life like the because you know if you were

seriously contending there that's a huge that's like a high stick it's kind of high pressure thing

but it sounds like maybe you weren't you were you were almost there. I mean I think I was I think

it was a hobby at first but I got pretty good pretty fast and they were like huh this girl's like

actually like they didn't I sort of like came out of nowhere for them because I started at I think

I was like eight or nine maybe ten oh no I was probably nine and for the gymnastics world that's

like you're yeah you're on your deathbed like so one you know what I mean like they started like

four yeah maybe so yeah nobody like really considered that I would do anything with it and then

I sort of worked my way up and they're like oh you're good enough to be substitute like maybe

if somebody dies like you can come in so um yeah it was it was really fun and I loved it but I

think especially as I hit puberty and like I had like a little bit more big chested compared to

the other girls and I it quickly was like this isn't going to be a long-term thing plus your

the expiration date for that world is like eighteen very yeah yeah what was the transition into

discovering your sort of talent in other performing arts areas like acting yeah I mean I think

that was sort of the start of it I was also a very high energy child and my parents were just kind

of trying to shove me into whatever they could just sort of give themself a break yeah um but

from there from the gymnastics and the dancing I realized that I liked doing that so then

I wanted to go to a performing arts high school so I auditioned for the the performing arts high school

in my area which was called westward collegiate I got in there and then you know gravitated more

towards theater and dance I can sing a little but not really that well and not like Broadway

esque singing um and so yeah from there it just sort of kind of happened that we had like a guest

speaker come to the school for the drama class for the seniors and or not the seniors just for

like the drama class and he was an on camera acting coach that did like a little seminar thing

with us and then from there I I don't remember if I approached him after the class or he he

approached me but I started taking classes with him afterwards and then he introduced me to

agent and I started doing auditions and that's kind of how I remember being secretive about it

though because my parents are really strict and they didn't like we lived in the suburbs of Toronto

and oh god I just sounded so foreign Toronto and the suburbs of Toronto have been away from home

for too long um Toronto um and so yeah we you know they didn't yeah they're immigrants like they

didn't I don't have like any ties to the industry from my family so they didn't really

understand it they didn't think it was serious it was more of just like a yell at or do it like

whatever thing um but then they started noticing that I'd be at home like running my lines

frauditions instead of doing my homework yeah so then they imposed this rule that I'd have to read

a book every week and every week I'd have to submit a book report to my parents and if I did that

then I was allowed to audition the following week but if I didn't then I had to like cancel all

my auditions that's great yeah every home whatever it is shaped like for a child actor should be that

way right yeah I mean it was your first role that you got into grassy because I saw your

audition for that and it involved a lot of gymnastics like you had to do the splits you did a back

hand spring maybe yeah I it was one of the first ones for sure but it was also um I think I

first auditioned for a different character if I remember correctly again I might have early

on set Alzheimer's I don't know I also traumatizing so like I said earlier probably blocking a lot

out but we're here to unlock it my I should have scheduled it there because I should have

but um yeah I think I auditioned for a different role and I didn't or or maybe it'd have been

cat I don't remember but it was something they were like we're gonna maybe bring you in for

something else like create a care like they liked me but I didn't really fit for whatever it was

um so then maybe that's when I did that role and they they wrote in the gymnastics because they

knew I could do gymnastics yeah I don't I don't remember if that was part of it yeah I could also

be making all of this up at least some of it's true yeah something something must be there must

be a nugget in there of truth I mean I heard um you say on another in another interview that you

kind of had this feeling of being otherd as a kid your family life didn't look so much like the

family lives of of the people around you in Toronto and I wonder how that feeling has evolved

for you over time do you still feel that way um or have you kind of found like confidence in your own

skin a hundred percent I feel much differently now than I did then and it's so funny to look back

especially because Toronto is such a multicultural city and everyone is from somewhere else and

no like there is no real no I guess there is like the white Canadian norm but for the most part like

ever a lot there's a lot of transplants and so it's funny to me that I felt that way

but I definitely felt it like we yeah it's the cultural part of it that you know my parents

in speaking English and also the fact that I don't want to say that we were struggling because

every time I say that in an interview my mom then later yells at me she's like we were fine

you're a little brat um but I think I was just comparing so we were fine mom yeah fine we were fine

but you know I I guess I was comparing myself to my peers and so some the the circle that I ran

and you know they had new clothes and you know they're it just we would shop at places where it

would be like secondhand clothes or I remember my first thing that I was like one day I really just

want to have like a full closet of just like like clothes that are that no one's worn before

was my goal as a kid like I remember being like uh and now it's so funny because

all I want is to wear a vintage clothing thrifting is even really popular with like like my 14

year old they all love to thrift yeah they say it actually in a way that it's clearly very cool

I don't think it was when I was at it no I don't think it was either for me at least or at least

that's how I perceived it like it's so much of it is in your own head and and um but I definitely

I definitely wanted to fit in with like all the other girls and like shop at all these stores that

were like very American I wanted everything to be American or Canadian and like very you know

I was trying to fit in and I just always felt like I did it and we'll be right back

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podcasts. Nina's I I'm like trying to figure out how to ask this question without a reject

fan you but you're so beautiful and you look the same as you did with the camera so yeah thank you

so I always feel like when someone's going to put a film and let's get on with the air I'll be here

just like cast for you know on the ground your graduate midbed air is like famously beautiful

um but so I always imagine that like when someone's you know that way that everyone wants to be

around you is that sort of was that not your experience because people like to be around attractive

people like that's just a thing you know there's like pretty privilege and all that so oh I've

never heard of that one that's anyone for me yeah pretty privilege I mean I get it and make sense

I've never heard that term um I don't know I mean look there's every being beautiful is objective

and I don't think I think you need to feel pretty to also I don't know I just didn't feel pretty

for a really long time and and we're also speaking of formative teenage years like we're not talking

with the fact that like I had a unibrow so let's talk about it then let's talk about it I had a

fucking unibrow and that's where how long did you have a unibrow for? I definitely like great

six graduation was rocking the unibrow yeah but not like at that point I just didn't know

yeah you know like once I was made a what then they went like invisible then I overplucked

them to a degree where like you couldn't see them anymore we thought they'd never come back yeah

and I had like a chubby face I had like my teeth were really messed up so I wore braces for two

years with the elastic things that connect the top to the bottom like I didn't feel beautiful

yeah like there was nothing like I definitely like grew into my confidence and learned how to

you know also I had a really curly frizzy hair and so some of my girlfriends would come over

once we started to like care about how we look my girlfriends would come over in the mornings

and we would take the clothing iron yeah and a towel on the counter and like iron our hair

oh wow with the clothing iron but it was awkward because like you can only go so far

there's a line somebody's getting burnt burning their face as well then anybody ever burned

themselves I don't think anyone luckily burnt their faces maybe our our arms yeah but there was

like a distinct line it would be like frizzy at the time and then stick straight to the bottom

sure of this summer Nina I'm sure I'm sure I do but we thought our parents didn't know what we

were doing like they that we like all come out with like perfectly straight hair we thought we

were being so subtle about it but anyway um yeah so I definitely grew into understanding how to

to care myself and how I wanted to look and feel and and um and yeah I mean I definitely it's

I'm not saying I was like a loser it had no friends in school like I definitely had friends

and um and bopped around different friend groups um but yeah do that answer your question I don't

know yeah and then obviously with the show like once the show came out you're being styled by

wardrobe designers and you get a stylist and you do all these things and as I've grown up I've

I've probably look I'm in my 30s now so yeah now I now I probably feel the most

beautiful that I've ever felt because I feel most confident I know I am or I'm trying to

getting closer to knowing who I am yeah always getting closer yeah and yeah so it's just uh

it's a work in progress for sure you know we have a couple questions we always ask everyone

about middle school and then we'll talk about your career um I'll just I'll combine them

do you remember your first love or crush and heartbreak and do you have an embarrassing story

from those years you could share or less okay uh first we people don't name names right

I don't have so many people that every time people were named from like whoa actually I would say

it's almost 50 50 yeah and when they do they name first and last yeah it's like bang bang

well you kind of don't forget your first yeah yeah um I don't now I'm insecure no pressure no

pressure whatever you want to do I don't think I should say name for you to say but um uh yeah

starts with an E and ends with the D and what is it rhyme with no that would be really fun

no it's not uh it's ad Harris actually no um yeah so so yeah I think I was 14 probably I mean I

had a lot of like I think I'm in love with that but it wasn't reciprocated kind of people before

I love I love I have to say I just loved it like it's so many um it tends to be women who are in

touch who are still so I mean no then so if you're good examples you are still so in touch with

this that spirit because like you there's there's a simple you you all kind of tend to do this

really funny thing which is like I'm so in love it's like and that is what it is that's the feeling

but you just never see men say that at all like like at all they don't at all and so I'm just

appreciating that for a moment so sorry so go go go on go on go on I there was this boy

in high it was high school I was in the ninth grade which in this states you guys call that

freshman yeah yeah um as my freshman year freshman year and um he was like a skater boy

and see later boy see a later boy yeah exactly and it was the first time I think it was like

mutual and we were both really into each other and he like smoked weed you was super edgy and like

um and and I do I have noticed like looking back like I did have like a very all-american

like my type is like like we were talking about like the all-american thing because it's so different

than what I am um he was like very all-american looking I don't remember I think you played La

Cross wow yeah yeah very you know yeah that's a cool one like every jock movie yeah and yeah

we dated for I think a year I'm not mistaken he's who I lost my virginity too

oh big and big love yeah yes yes and then you know when it ended it was

the end of the world yeah as you all remember I'm sure yeah um and now I'm fine

but yeah at the time it was like the end yeah the end of the world it was like I can't believe

that I don't want to do like life's over um but yeah I just remember what was that song do you

help me out here do you guys remember Gray's Anatomy that one song the the chasing cars

yes that was so fast yeah so I think that song was like popular the one that's like

Anatomy you're gonna have to that's um okay I know I've been I've been rewatching Gray's Anatomy

actually just recently so yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah um so that one had just come out and I

don't even know if it related to the moment but it was like a sad-ish song yeah and I was in the

car and just like crying so hard just like listening to the song over and over again pretty dangerous

now the game looking back should have probably pulled over like I couldn't see yeah and then an

embarrassing story I think is that not embarrassing we have some people who like slipped in public

but if you don't have one you don't have one I mean did you ever slip in public like all I do

I'm so clumsy my friends like I should be bubble wrapped is the truth of the matter yeah I get

hurt all the time walking is challenging for me in any kind of shoe and then I just I've noticed

that like I get so into whatever conversation I'm having when I'm walking on the street talking

to someone I just the rest of the world is gone is that happening right now might be and we're lucky

that we're sitting like this is actually a very safe environment for me to be having a very

intense conversation around um but yeah now I've run into polls and an adamant object that's great

I mean I'm sorry I mean it's just yeah it's unexpected it's very relatable yeah and I have weak

ankles the high heels and me do not mesh very well oh actually I have a lot we can just talk

for the next hour just about my bear six hours go we can just do it so my shoulders dislocate pretty

frequently same it started in the gymnastics days oh jeez yeah that's kind of why I had to

like workman's comp from that or something I mean it just feels like like uh I can imagine there's

a lot of former gymnasts who have that right yeah well I'm also like a double extend okay so you

have a very bendy and then on top of that like I want I want to not think I do you have wood here

I've never broken a bone well aside from my baby toe you too same twice twice I have it right now oh

no it's okay right now it's okay no it's okay yeah but it's weird because I do crazy stupid shit

all the time and I should have a lot more broken things um oh I forgot to knock um but yeah no

just the baby broken toe other than that everything like just bends and like that my my ligaments are

are destroyed but like other than that um my shoulders constant so they and they dislocate it the

most inconvenient times like I'll be it's happened I can't tell you how many times snowboarding but

it just pops off in the middle of like when I fall like shoulders out and I have to get somebody

put it back in um when I was doing oh my god it's so painful it's so painful

I've of course heard of this before but the way you're describing it I imagine like like

an action figure whose arm just falls off yeah like like the way you're describing it's just like

pop it's like it's really out and it it's out and it just hangs there and the only way to do it like

you can only do it yourself like someone else can't right no no you actually can't do it yourself

somebody else has to do for you I mean actually no I think you can like walk into a wall and like

put it back in but something has to like so usually what they do is like if Sean or whoever's

physically next to me has to pull on my arm so that it comes out and then it's like real

yeah the people that are watching on video will yeah see the visual of that but it happened

right before I was about to go on air with Conan O'Brien is this the one where you did the whole

backband D thing because I think you're on more than once yeah I've been on more than it was

the we did like a fight sequence like a action movie fight sequence on air alive and that sounds

fun while preparing and like practicing backstage my shoulder fell out while I was like throwing a

punch or something I was like yeah that's really charming I mean it's charming in the retelling

yeah yeah and not in the moment I'm sorry yeah it's okay that's something I live with every day

and it's fun it's part of my Nina I think we're going to move into talking about your career

and we have to bring up vampire diaries iconic I watched it as a teenager loved it and thank you

you played two characters you three right three four technical four two main two main ones and then

four overall yeah wow what was that like that must have been a challenge do you how do you feel it

it affected your growth as an actor it was I'd say it affected my growth as a human too because like

I said I was like slowly like gaining my confidence and when I got the show I was Elena and you know

that one the introduced Catherine was like all of a sudden more like you know digging deeper into

like my sexuality and like who I am as a person because like Catherine was so sexual and

can't say I have a lot to relate to with Amara and the other one but because they were like

back in the olden days but but yeah no it was it was definitely challenging just from like a

work perspective from like hours I mean pen you know the hours on any TV show or movie but

especially like you guys shoot a lot at night for you know not as much as you think the first season

we did okay but not oh yeah yeah he did vampire oh that's I remember you know what he has he told

me some not crazy stories or anything but I'm remembering that now yeah yeah so he you know

especially in the first season the second season like the hours are so long and usually when you're

in a show you have scenes off and breaks and when you're playing two characters in the scene talking

to each other there's no breaks yeah so it was like physically very demanding but but also kind of you

know the dream is an actor to get to play many things is like a creative standpoint it was really

interesting if I learned so much I learned so so so much I call like actor boot camp did you

have any little rituals or anything you did to sort of like switch between them because I do I'm

not I'm not saying this to just like compliment you but I remember when I would watch it thinking

that you were better than most actors at playing two different parts like usually when actors play

two parts I think it's the same person but with you I was like I would forget that you were the

same actress like I would really think of them as different people yeah cool they were very different yeah

I it for me it was like a very physical thing like I needed the hair to look different and the

makeup and the way I walked and like once I would transition into that as they were like putting

that all on me I could like that was the one little break and be like 45 minutes where they'd

switch me over and it kind of gave me the time to sort of and it was weird I'm not a method person

at all I think but in that moment when I was doing that I think I had tendencies unintentionally

because I would notice that I like when they call cut and I'd be talking to the crew or some of my

friends I would start to like say like you know cheekier things and just be a little bit more of like

you know like I just talked different and yeah I unintentionally just like stayed in that but that

yeah I was it's it's weird it's hard I don't know I think I needed to do that in that specific

instance but but yeah yeah it's cool how has your understanding of love evolved over the years

is there anything you could tell us about love and what you've learned about it yeah um

I know that one we've all tell us about love you know I mean I think it's funny because I

I started going to therapy later than my peers and so I feel like I'm learning a lot about love

in the last probably right before COVID or like COVID yeah because I finally had to be like

was forced to be in one place by myself and with my thoughts and low and behold they they were a lot

so I had to see I was like I need to talk to somebody this is a lot I don't know what to do in my

cell like I'm going crazy and um you know I've like anyone from that first love that I was

telling you about to where I am today I mean the first word that comes to mind is just healthier

and like I remember it's so interesting my therapist is talking about like comparing

the everyone focuses so much on the familial relationships obviously with like your parents and

like oh you'll marry your father or your mother someday I've never heard that before yeah I'm sure

um but what was like especially poignant for me was that like nobody had talked to me yet about like

my my the sibling relationship and then when I tracked back at the kinds of people that I was

dating like I really was sort of like the the characteristics of my brother were more prevalent

and the partners that I was attracted to that maybe wasn't necessarily that healthy because like

my brother's five years older than me aka like way cooler than me and nothing to do with me when

you're a kid yeah and so and my parents were always like forced him to hang out for me and he wouldn't

want to so like my idea of love for a long time it was like a man who doesn't want to be around basically

yeah I'd be like attracted to people that like wanted nothing to do with me and so I mean obviously

I'm that's like a blanket statement that's not all the men that I've been in and so I don't want

this like speaking of clickbait yeah let it be clear I don't want people out there all you

journalists listening don't start like singling out individuals because that's not but you know

it's happening in the past yeah so like over the years I just I feel like healthier

relationships are what is what I've learned to like gravitate towards and and yeah you never wanted

unhealthy relationships though so no I wasn't intentional yeah so what helped you I feel like I'm

still learning a lot about how to attract and be attracted to health in relationships what have

you what has helped you to to be healthier or to like be attracted to a healthy relationship like

sincerely I would love to know I mean just honestly focusing on me that's such a stereotypical

thing to say but like not being so like trying to it goes back to like the fitting and like trying

to be the perfect person for someone else instead of trying to be the perfect person for myself and

then the perfect person not that there is a perfect person but the right person will you'll be

attracted to that kind of person because you're being your most authentic self and I think I've had

moments of that throughout the years where I've like been that naturally but then you obviously

lose your way or you repeat patterns or you end up being attracted to the kind of guys that are

like your brother who wanted nothing to do with you and so you chase instead of being chased and so

yeah I think once I had that like conscious decision to sort of like do me

yeah I found that I attracted the right kind of energy you know we had an intern shout out to

Faki who put together a lot of this research and he wrote a really funny note but he was convinced

that Sean and your mom are best friends so I just want to know on behalf of Tafaki weigh in our

Sean and your mom best friends they really do love each other it's so cute it's like

my mom is oh she's it's so hard to describe unless you've met her but she's just like a ray of

sunshine she's so positive yeah she's like an artist and she's just yeah she lives in France

she started this company where like people go to France or Italy with her to paint and

drink wine and eat cheese for 10 day vacations I call it like adult summer camp or I call it like

spring break for adults yeah old people old people to be able to take 10 days off yeah have the

means and the money to do that and then also have an interest in painting tolerance for lactose exactly

exactly um that's funny uh yeah and so although no in Europe you can kind of eat cheese even though

that's true it's not everything is better there everything is so much better can we do this

podcast if I ever come back can we do it in in your hands yeah sure yeah we move the thing

really yeah sure thing then we've got nothing but money there we're handing out to everybody

they won't even give you anything but peanuts

here's not a they weren't a banana desert maybe you don't have them at CVS anymore

well we're talking about your mom and Sean yes uh yeah so like we went to visit my mom in France

and he got a taste of her little like slice of life which was so I mean it's so simple but it's

so like great yeah you just bike around everywhere in paints and like eats food and I don't know

it's just like very picturesque she lives in this like beautiful medieval town and so

everything literally there's not one thing I've heard about your mom that doesn't make me go

does that doesn't that doesn't make me lean in yeah all of our research which is again

to fuck these research yeah I just want that to be clear I say that I researched anything it's

on a document well I did listen to not I didn't I didn't get to finish it but I did listen to your

episode they did with your brother on sibling revelry and you I think it was your brother that

mentioned that your mom used to be and she still maybe does a little bit of a little bit of it on

the side she used to restore paintings that had been ruined like in like fires or where does it

end that's so cool that's kind of if we're being honest that's kind of how it started wow that's

like that's like her first love is like she was obsessed with like um like you know when you go

into a church and it's like a like century old church and everything America yeah I don't actually

know I only into recently yeah but in Europe there's like these incredibly old beautiful churches

and so somebody over the years has to go in and like fix them or they're extremely destroyed

and so that you have to like create it so she studied art restoration and and got her master's

degree and so she's the person who like goes in obviously like that doesn't pay a lot of money

so she had to like pivot at a certain point but yeah on the side every now and then if there's

something that comes up she can do it but it's not her full time anymore yeah

stick around we'll be right back

hey everyone it's Leah Greenberg and Ezra Levin you might know us as two of the lead organizers

of the No Kings protests we're also the co-founders of Indivisible the grassroots movement

organizing against Trump's regime and this is what's the plan you're a weekly guide to the

state of our democracy and how we fight back this is not canned talking points it's a real

life discussion space for the pro-democracy movement we wrestle with strategy together we take

your top loaded questions in real time and we talk about the most impactful actions we can take

right now democracy is a participatory sport the fascist win when we sit on the sidelines what's

the plan is about how we get into the game what's the plan available Friday January 23rd wherever

you get your podcasts subscribe or crew discuss organize and win that's the plan

we have a final question ask everyone but I want to ask you a question before that which is

that you you're super popular on social media you have a huge following you seem to keep your

Instagram like a pretty positive place but I've noticed that you do kind of clap back sometimes

when people make comments I don't have clap backs the right word it seems like actually I like it

you reframe the comment like you do it in a positive way no but she doesn't she doesn't in a way

that's actually very like you reframe the comment I haven't I think it's really cool and I was

just curious why do you do that like why why do you have any do you have any examples we do have

examples if I can yeah I'm gonna give you examples someone here commented about your body I didn't

see their comment but you said thank you for your concern I'm sorry to hear you weren't doing well

I hope that you're taking care of yourself and doing better now I'll also let you know that I do

eat burgers and fries and all kinds of yummy things all the time you should do the same eating

everything and working out which I do is the healthy solution for people who have problems

body-shaming people on the other hand is not healthy and very rude I don't do that so you

should also do the same have a wonderful day yes see the same dignity I saw in the patient thief

that's what I want to read one more because it was really I thought it was really well said

you said to the person it's a radical concept called time I know crazy it's what happens when

it goes by people get older it probably won't happen to you because you seem to be different

than the rest of us but I'm 30 and I'm proud of it have a lovely day yeah that's salty yeah I don't

know I mean look I was probably having a bad day and was also feeling a certain way and they just

like hit on a nerve but at the same time so like I got upset and then I was like wait no this is

like this is a thing that happens and it's gonna keep happening and I remember seeing something from

like Julia Roberts like somebody said something mean about her aging and I was just like

it's what happens to people we're all we're all we all have the exact same outcome

mm-hmm such as death I just remember yeah take spin you just want to go around the room everybody

in the eye it's death yeah you too I don't know how old you are you're gonna be looking at a baby

right yeah yeah yeah it was just like I don't know I think it was that the person said

that I that I've aged since the vampire diaries like I don't look the same as I did when I was on

the vampire diaries and I was like that was 20 years ago well it was like 10 years at that

probably yeah like when I was 20 when I started of course I looked different and I

and I'm proud that I looked different I should look different and I honestly think I look

better now because I look like I'm not as skinny as I wasn't to add to the next question is like

at one point there was like a she's lost too much weight or she looks too skinny or something and I was

just like I'm eating I want to say like I eat I work out I I actually like love eating food it's

like a big thing for me I can't eat gluten or dairy and yeah that's frustrating but you know

it sometimes I still do eat it I sometimes still go to McDonald's and have that big mac even though

it'll make my stomach hurt because I'm like I just fucking feel like it yeah and I'll deal with

the consequences later so yeah yeah I wanted to politely in a very kind way because I didn't want

to perpetuate the like mean talking and be like you suck and you're like there's no that's not

productive it was just like look like think about what your comments are and be aware that there

is another person on the other side of this and and we're not just robots that have no feelings like

it does affect us so yeah yeah I think your question often I'll see people like on TikTok a lot

people will comment something really negative oh there was a trend speaking of TikTok there was

a trend that I had like plastic surgery or something like they were like oh she like did her eyelids

there was like person that went on there was like a specialist that like talked about all the things

I'd done to my face and I was like what crazy I was like no absolutely not and then this other

plastic surgery came on on TikTok somebody no I didn't comment but someone sent this to me I saw

this another plastic surgery this is actually like not necessarily a great story because it's like

a burn to me but they she debunked the person's theories about all the things I'd done to my face

um apparently and she was like actually no she she's just aging like the the sunken and eyelid

theories just a sign of aging gravity yeah it's not like what you guys are saying and I was like yes

yeah I feel like I'll see sometimes someone will leave a negative comment and if the creator

whoever they were commenting on writes back all of a sudden it's like oh my god sorry bestie

didn't mean it love you yeah you're doing amazing I think they just expect that you want to see it

yeah um it we're taking a little bit of a turn here back to where we started okay if you could

say ask do anything um you're 12 year old self you could go back what would you say I think I

would tell her to not to embrace her cultural differences and not be so insecure about all that

and and just sort of it's so hard but like just be okay with who you are because you who you are

is enough and you don't have to try to be all these different things because it's not like

I was just so obsessed with not like being like everyone else and fitting in and it's like

now I celebrate that side of myself so much and I feel like it makes me unique I have a different

perspective and I'm so proud of who I am now so so I feel like I would just sort of maybe tell her

what happens later in the future I'm like this is what's gonna happen to you you're gonna be good

don't worry just try to forget about it though yeah just just don't worry about everyone else

and stop looking at everyone else just like focus on yourself thank you so much Nina

yeah thank you for coming to see me too it was a pleasure meeting all of you thank you so much

yeah

stitcher

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ways to make your everyday life happier healthier more productive and more creative i'm gritchin

rubin the number one bestselling author of the happiness project bringing you fresh insights and

practical solutions in the happier with gretchen rubin podcast my co-host and happiness guinea pig

is my sister elisabeth kraft that's me elisabeth kraft a tv writer and producer in hollywood

join us as we explore ideas and hacks about cultivating happiness and good habits check out happier

with gretchen rubin from lemonada media