Republicans rescue, while Democrats complain

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Hillary Clinton was invited,

but she left everyone hanging.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Yeah, we're gonna shift the hat on that one.

Meghan Rapino said the ban on trans

competing against females in the Olympics

is their way of whittling it down

to a certain type of woman.

And she's right, one without a dick.

LAUGHTER

Woo!

That's people along.

Yeah.

Over the weekend, a toddler's hand got caught

in a wolf's mouth at the Hershey Park Zoo

while his parents were on their phones.

The child is expected to recover

and excel at basketball.

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

And finally, new footage shows that Tiger Woods

admitted to the cops that he took a few pills

before failing the sobriety test

when asked how many he replied,

FOR!

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Don't clap.

Don't clap.

We'll be back with more gut-filled.

Hi.

So let's go to Trump and a bunny.

You don't mind when the enemy is weak,

but that enemy is strong.

Not so strong like they were about a month ago.

I can tell you, in fact, right down there,

not too strong at all.

LAUGHTER

That's the war bunny.

It comes out whenever we're talking about war.

Don't f*** with the war bunny.

LAUGHTER

Anyway.

So an American F-15 airman gets shot down over a rant,

survives injured and alone, hiding in the mountains

for a day and a half, living off the land

without so much as a Netflix password.

Hundreds of miles from the nearest Starbucks

and its life-giving Wi-Fi.

Oh, while the Iranians are hunting him like he's a goat

who knows how to keep a secret.

LAUGHTER

So what do we do?

We send in SEAL Team 6.

We run a deception campaign to convince the enemy

he's already gone.

We launch airstrikes on anyone getting too close.

And when some of our own aircraft can't get out,

we blow them up.

Then we rescue the guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

LAUGHTER

Come on, it wasn't just me.

LAUGHTER

But talk about the immense cost and risk

to rescue just one American.

Could another country do that?

The French can't even rescue Macron from his wife.

LAUGHTER

But...

Do any of these countries have those values baked in?

Hell, our enemies asked their men to blow themselves up?

Listen to former Sen. Com Commander General Frank Mackenzie

sum it up perfectly.

We did, in fact, lose a couple of aircraft in that mission.

But I would just tell you, it takes a year to build an aircraft.

It takes 200 years to build a military tradition

where you don't leave anybody behind.

You take the aircraft trade any day in a situation like this.

That's what we believe in.

Time-honored values like loyalty, sacrifice, and blowing

s*** up.

LAUGHTER

What had changed from how the military had to operate

under the last guy when the only sense of duty was

in Joe Biden's pants?

LAUGHTER

Yet, we're still hearing some on the left wine

about the cost of the rescue.

And yet, if it's funding for undocumented

trans men getting a portion, money's no object.

Makes me wonder, have they ever really had to rescue

anything like cities, minorities, children?

Because that's their wheelhouse, right?

Yet, look at them.

When you call 911, they send a social worker instead of a cop.

They strand millions of travelers just to make a political

point.

They fill women's locker rooms and bathrooms and prisons

with more perverts than a strip club offering a free lunchtime

buffet.

LAUGHTER

If you gave a democratic choice between saving a teenage girl

or the bearded creep leering at her in a restroom,

who do you think they'd rescue?

You know the answer because they boast about it.

Democrats allowed cities to get overrun with criminal

illegal aliens while ignoring the women who pay the price

for it.

And the one time they did try a rescue,

it was an illegal prang on these women.

Look at the military under Biden.

For four years under Joe, they targeted words.

What troops were saying and reading,

and we needed to be rescued from that.

They didn't come to Trump and so do real-world priorities.

It's no longer promoting pronouns it's protecting America.

Hell, the Dems wouldn't even rescue us

from one of their own, Joe Biden.

They knew he was done and still kept him in charge.

But perhaps the Dems never rescued anyone because it made no sense.

After all, a man who ties a woman to a railroad track

doesn't untie her when the train approaches.

But this rescue also reveals another difference.

Here you have people who hope for the best

and feel great relief when the Yank is rescued.

Then you have those who hope for the worst

and feel nothing because it didn't go the way they preferred,

which is driven by Trump hate,

their filter for everything.

Look in war, we don't know anything,

but we fill those gaps of uncertainty with hope.

We look at what Trump's done before

and what our military is capable of.

Our faith isn't blind.

It's based on past demonstrations

of swift and definitive action.

But if your baseline is derangement,

what do you fill your uncertainty with?

Hopeful pessimism.

You need it to go wrong to support your hatred for Trump.

Oh, they will gripe.

Oh, sure you win the battles, but you're losing the war.

Even though they never met a war they couldn't lose,

including the war on control top pantyhose.

Oh.

But then what are the metrics of winning

if it's not battles?

If it's time, fair enough.

But so far time has been on our side.

And it's not our problem if you're on the other.

Let's welcome your new tonight's guest.

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