RAACN week 9

Hello monkey fiddlers, it's me Richard Herring. Thank you for downloading my podcast. Please

keep listening if you can. The big news is 20th of April, Leicester Square Theatre. One of the guests

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Minsmique the Musical. So my cat's running around the kitchen making a ringing sound. I hope

that's not disturbing you. Once the Operation Minsmique fans hear about this, it's going to sell

fast. So get your tickets now. Go to richshown.com slash rhalestapa. And you can see all the dates

is a couple in July as well. I'm doing a trip which Rick Male Festival as well, but that is sold out.

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bloody things. Anyway, sit back, relax and enjoy another episode of one of my podcasts. It's you

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On SBC 2 now, it's wack off races. Dick Dusterly and Mutley masturbate onto a biscuit and then

try and get Penelope Pitstop to eat it. And when she won't, they feed it to a pigeon.

It was happier times in the 1970s. Here on SBC 1, we're very much up to date with rich and

alleys Craven Newsround.

I think it's tarted. I think it's tarted. I think it has my name. Terry hasn't

seen me in here. Oh, I've lost my earpiece. That feeds me all the news. Hello, welcome to.

Is there someone feeding you anything you say? Yeah, they're not doing a very good job.

Oh, you know, Terry's doing a great job. It's worked for a long time.

With some of the greats. Anyway, welcome to rich and alleys Craven Newsround.

It's a newsround. It's pretty Craven. I think we can all agree on that. But at least it's not

the lame stream media. That's what I would say. It's Monday, the 23rd of March. I want to say

2026. You don't know what Monday is. I wrote down Monday the 23rd, but I forgot to write down the

month. You should know what month is. How could anyone trust you as a journalist?

Well, you know, I've done that. I've got a lot of things to do. I've been doing, I've done

three Rahlisper interviews today, you know, and then I'm still doing this. I'm a pretty good guy.

So maybe you should appreciate me a bit more rather than criticising me. I don't know what criticising

is. Isn't it? Why aren't you? I'm Richard Herring. You should the rich and alleys Craven

Newsround. Don't start. I'm Richard Herring and I've been on lots of stuff and TV and proper

TV and stuff. Ain't cheeky me. Oh, that was good. We got the hair. The hair went up before.

I know the hair went up a little early. Sometimes things can go off a little early. Sometimes they

can come down a little early, Rich. I don't know if you understand what I'm talking about.

I don't understand. Not my problem. I was winking at it just then. And cheeky me. Yeah, we've

done that. I'm saving it rather than getting that early. What was the other one? Don't put your

eggs in a basket. Don't put your eggs in a basket. That's an important one. I'm a little drunk.

I'm clean. I ain't going to come to your house and kill you. I ain't going to come to your house

and kill you all. It's all right for you guys. He actually lives in my, well, he's in a separate

building. I don't know if you can, I can get through the walls with you. Isn't that?

Chilikas and Olnagic. Magica. One day you will all see my tower. Anyway, great to be here.

Recording is very important news. I'm sorry for that. There's a news just come in.

Lost in Pyramid or Mummy's Curse by Louisa May Alcott has just come in on Substack. So that's

an important talk a bit of news coming through. Yeah, it's good that you've got the news right.

That's just breaking news all the way for most of it will be text from my wife saying,

where are you? I can't tell her because she doesn't know about this and I don't think she's

very happy. I was wasting my time doing it. She should be happy. This is the best thing you know

that I'm doing. She thinks I think it's really the best thing. The best thing. The best thing.

That's all I said. The best thing. The best thing. The best thing you've ever done.

What's going on in the grown-up news to do, Richard? Well, you may have seen in the grown-up

news. I haven't been watching it. I've been in a box. Let me out the box. That's another thing.

That's an old one. You may have seen in the grown-up news that Saturday Night Live is back.

Well, it's here in the UK for the first time. Oh, yeah, that's right. It's there and it's suddenly

like. You won't see this in the mainstream media. The mainstream media, I noticed all the way

before it was even on. Then, oh, will is it possible that SNL UK will be funny? Oh, SNL UK?

That won't be funny, will it? Oh, how can we possibly find out if SNL UK will be funny?

This should call it SNL UK. They should have. They should call it SNL UK.

They have a top interact to be mid-flow. I mean, I'm the good one. I should be doing longer this.

I would say, why not wait and watch it. It doesn't even exist. I'm Saturday afternoon. It

does not exist. It's a live show on Saturday evening. Wait and see it. What we did on a news round.

We waited to watch it in reality. We watched it again. Didn't we? We did. We sat together and

watched it. What did your wife think her? That was she wasn't there. We just sat with you in here

watching it. Yeah. And I was commenting. It should have been us. It should have been us

reaching all the us eventually. And I can tell you, yes, it will be funny. It was quite good.

Some places are very good. Some very funny bits. Some bits I didn't like as much. But then turns

out everyone else. Other people did like them. It's weird that we're the sketch, isn't it?

That it's not all just for you individually. Oh, is there a bit of hit and miss? Was it?

Maybe it wasn't written exactly for you. Maybe some of the sketches for other people.

I didn't like the Shakespeare one, but those people said it's good. Okay. I didn't understand it.

I'm a fucking idiot. That it's not therefore it's your... Why are you getting so angry? I've been

working very hard today. This is Richard Heng cowardly newsroom. Not Richard Hering's. Richard

Alley's. Richard Hering. Richard Heng. Give my surname. I don't want people to know I'm doing this.

Richard Alley's. It's not angry. I'm just angry with stupid people. Oh, it's going to be rubbish.

And then people had to get mine. I'm glad you knew it's good. Oh, no. I only watched 30

seconds and then I turned around. This is their sketch. I wasn't sure about it, but it was with

it was with Keir Starmer. And you know, other people have done better Keir Starmer sketches.

I would have to... I agree with that. But it was okay. And Donald Trump has shared it on social

media because it sort of set made Starmer look a bit weak. I think that's again part of the

job set in that life is not to count out to our leaders. It's to make... It's kind of taking the

piss out of Trump as well, the sketch, so it's kind of funny that he thought it was good for him.

But it's making Starmer out to be a little weak. Which I think is fair. Do you... I think it's

fair. I think it's fair. I think it's fair. Comment. He's not being particularly good. This is the

best thing Starmer's done is being not gone immediately yet. We've come to war with you,

but he has let them use our bases now, so we're all fucked. Yeah. I'll tell you what, I don't...

If I die because of this, I'm going to be really fucked off with Donald Trump, Keir Starmer.

If I die or anyone I know dies, I'm going to be really fucked off. Well, all the people who

have already died, yeah, that's bad as well. But if I die because of this, I'm not into this

Iran thing. I don't think we should have had a war at all. If my gas prices go up,

my pension goes down, my mortgage goes up. I'm not going to be happy. If I die, I'm going to

be really unhappy. Are you sure you're the unhappy one? You just need nothing. If I die, I'm going

to be... I'm going to... As I die, I'm going to go. I didn't vote for this. What did you vote for?

I did vote for Labour, so it's your fault. I didn't vote for Trump. It's your fault. It's not

my fault. I didn't know what was going to happen. You've got to work out what's going to happen.

Anyway, we thought we would see what the man himself thought about the sketch, see if he thought

it was fair. So we're going to head over now to Downing Street where hopefully Keir Starmer is

getting himself ready to appear. He's a bit of a damp rag. He's not so damp today actually,

and he's a bit see through it. Oh, just keeping that the way of this. Oh, he's back. I think there

is a hello Richard. It's new. Keir Starmer, again, we'll see a bit, a little bit of your skin under.

Well, I have skin Richard. I am the human beings. I have skin. You're a bit of a damp rag. I don't

acknowledge a ton of damp rag with a moving forehead Richard. I am not. I am the Prime Minister

of this country and I expect some respect I've seen the sketch that sat down like they did. Hello,

hello Prime Minister. Oh, hello, Ali and big friend of yours. Ali, so you did impression of me that

yes, yes, Ali, I'm a dig fan of the author. That saturday night light sketch was very bad. I

thought, do you think he was like, yes, it made me look foolish. I don't, you know, A, I didn't talk

with my forehead at all. I can see fingers coming at the top of your head. Do you want a real,

I will just read a hold on. I've just got to rearrange my pants, your pants, my clothing I mean

hold on because I shouldn't have fingers coming out of my head. This is what happens in live

comedy Richard. Is it comedy? Ah, there's nothing I don't know. I launched the saturday night

light sketch because Donald Trump retweeted it. A, Ali, was he talking through his mouth

nice forehead? B, I did not have fingers growing out his head. Well, I didn't think we knew about

that till just now. See, he didn't get the voice at all. Listen, this is how I speak exactly,

this is night boys. He made me sit and go as John Neige's or something. This is night actual voice.

He didn't get my inflections or the way I took this and the way I'm talking. Nothing like the guy

on saturday night light. This is how I talk. And this is the things I say and really, we really

looked into the way Kistar talks, which well, I don't have to because we've got this is actually

Kistar was so I like saturday in live. I don't have to have a guy pretending and trying to guess

what he would sound like and what mannerisms and whether his head would move or not whether his

fingers would come at the top. I'm really struggling here Richard. I said they made me say I'm like

John Neige's on saturday night. I'm not John Neige's and you know, a terrible dishcloth with

fingers coming out. Yeah, that's that is my hair Richard. That's the new hairstyle.

Do you speak to your head? No, I'm seeking through the my thaw head like a normal trying to just

I think it's pathetic. My review of saturday night light is what's the first 20 seconds and I turned

over in a fury. I kept the TV down. Look at all what I've done for this country. Why have you done

for this country? It's two. There's two and many things to say. What look what I've done for people

with fingers going out their head. I mean, this is pathetic. This is lie television. This is lie.

There's no way of going back and re-editing it. Oh, I think Kistarmer is

might have died. That's someone's arm. There is only he's been attacked.

Well, Kistarmer, I think the big news here, Kistarmer, does not like, that is definitely

Kistarmer. Well, that's because it was him and that's why this saturday night.

So there was some good stuff, but come on guys. Listen to listen to the source material.

That's why you're going to go over there because that's what appeared on the screen.

And I just understand how TV works. Listen to the source material.

Law and Michael's, if you're watching, yeah, Donald Trump, if you're watching,

to please retweet this, we think you're great. We think you're doing a great job.

If we get killed because what you're doing, we're going to be annoyed. But otherwise,

yeah, die, die. I mean, if you hurt Ali, think about what you're doing.

But we love you. So please retweet this. If Law and Michael is watching, you could have this.

We could do 40, we could not 75 minutes to just this and it will be good.

And there's only two, you only two wage bills. Three, if you include Kistarmer, I think Kistarmer

did for nothing. I don't think he's allowed to charge. And I've got all kinds of wacky characters

who can come up on that half of the screen in real locations. That was 10 Downing Street there.

So, you know, it looked like it didn't it? So it must have been. That's what I'm saying,

Lord, damage this cost to produce less than you think. Now, is it zero?

Cost time, cost time. It costs the time that people watching it.

They makes the country less productive. It's very slightly than it would have been. We didn't do it.

Well, that's all the news that's fit to print today. I hope you enjoyed it. We'll be back

next time with some more news around wherever that, whenever that may be, dance dance, whenever

it may be probably tomorrow. Sorry, don't do on Friday. There was no news on Friday.

And I'm cheeky, you need it, certainly, that I'm dressed. It doesn't need my mum alone.

And we'll see you next time. So, I'll do that. It's like how many of that is loads.

Oh, the over 30 now, it's funny. Don't talk out loud there, remember? I don't talk out loud.

I'm just particular. It's just whisper. Can we get rid of this? They can't pick it up on the

bicycle. So, I don't really like the people who watch this show. Yeah, that's it. Say something

like that. I think they've got very poor idea of what comedy is. I agree with it. I've got

Stuart Lee. I'm with him now. He's good. He's good because he also explains what he's doing,

which helps. Don't really understand how comedy works. Anyway, see you next time.

On SPC 2 now, it's take heart in which artist, Damien Hearst, digs up the body of Tony Hart

in order to take his heart and make one of his horrible sculptures with it. It's quite sick,

actually. Don't watch that. Stay on SPC 1 where we have Richard Alley's Craven News Round.

Oh, my god, the sun's in my eyes.

I'm burning. I'm melting. I'm melting. Oh, that's no good. Is it? We can't. Where can we go?

Why is there a window in the studio that the sun just came out while the titles were playing?

I look like the man without a face. I look like I'm in that way in Brothers film where they

white up. That's what I look like. I'll just go down. It's all right, Richard. It doesn't

that no one watches your face. They're only interested in me. Hello, welcome to. We'll have to

carry on regardless. This is live. That's quite nice. No, doesn't it? Yeah. Welcome to

Richard Alley's Craven News Round. I'm Richard Herring. You may have seen me on the trails for

Bake Off out this Sunday. My daughter said she saw me on TV when she was on a school trip.

That's my dad, but by the time they'd anyone looked, I'd gone, look, why is my face fine? Why

didn't we see what place? Did you go there? I can't go on this side. Oh, I like it. I look so

young. You do look a lot younger in that light. Yeah, that's nice. Well, we just have to work with

what we've got here. It's a bit odd having you on this side. Yeah, can you authorate night controls?

You think, well, probably just as well as I could before. Okay, here you go. I'm Alley,

Slota, Victorian figure, I'm Chikini. That was very good. That came out a bit fast. I'm

thinking at it. Look at me, thinking at it. I'm coming to your house to your children.

I don't do that. It's a very scary thing for a lot of people. I am a little drunk. Oh,

your eyes got stuck. That's good. Well, I'm thinking at Richard. That's okay.

And what else sit on it? The arbor, of course, it's on my gigantic penis. That's not

that's too much to say. That's my mum. She's going through a hard time. Leave alone. I'm sorry,

I should be going through a hard time when I finish her. That's absolutely not appropriate. I

can't work with you if you're going to be rude about my mum that the sun's gone in now. Come

back this way. Okay. Good. The sun could come out again. Richard, the sun is our enemy in many

ways. It's the enemy of news. And all, you know, think about it. What you mean, the sun

newspaper? Is that what you want? Yeah. Is that what you're trying to get to the sun? Is

like the sun newspaper? Well, I just just occurred to me. Well, wasn't very good. That wasn't

very good. Anything else you want to say? Get it out of the early and no one likes a

scenery. Sometimes I forget that one. Also, don't put your eggs in and ask if this is Robin fun.

This isn't that just and tried it and it didn't work. So she went to the shop with a great

dig. Oh no, put her eggs in it instead. And she don't think and this is Harris,

the local village. The village know it all. Can you remember what you meant to rhyme that with?

I can't remember what you put it in the hotel. And the yoke stripped down between the eggs.

If that drawing with eggs, that was excellent. Oh, we're back again. Oh, this is a disaster.

Oh, 90 days. One day, maybe you will burn. Anyway, look, this is an independent

TV station bringing you the real news that the mainstream media don't bring you. That's right,

Richard. We're here every day. Aren't we pretty much? Nests you out too busy doing something

else? So that's pretty much every day. Yeah. Sometimes you get busy doing other stupid things

that you do for no money, aren't you? Yep. But if you're not doing those things to no money,

you're here doing this to no money. Hey, look, I don't need money when I have the love

and adulation of the great British and world public. Yeah, you don't really have that to you.

I mean, that's not going to, you know, that wouldn't even keep a little one little light bulb running.

Good it. That the amount of energy. Even on a little circuit, or in the school,

where you connect the circuit, there's going to be a little tiny light bulb. The amount of

love and adulation you get. Well, when I'm dead, I think people will start appreciating me and

realize what a genius that they should have been nice to me when I was alive and that I am

a genius and that this is actually not shit. This is actually very clever. I'm thinking, I think

you stop winking that I was winking at it. I don't tell anything to say about that. I don't think

they will realize, but maybe one day your kids will take over and then this will be a good show

until that day. I'm happy they hear the urge until that day that you die and your children take

over. I live on forever and I'm not tall. Essentially, I see the herrings come and go, I see the

lift, I see them die. I remain constantly here, never aging. Well, you're looking pretty rough

and seeing time tick by, see the mistakes, the humans may go or know for again, never learning

or always doing the wrong thing until eventually they die in the world ends. Well, I'm saying this,

I think the world ends, but if the world does end the epitaph will be at least we own the

lips. That's the beauty of what present Trump's course is. The people are voting for him because

they want to own the lips. If that means the annihilation of the human race, I think that's the

ultimate owning of the lips there from from the MAGA, MAGA. Nick Richard Herring, great again,

that's what I say. What? Marra, Marra Hugga, Marra Hugga. Marra Hugga, that's what I say. Should we

get a hat with Marra Hugga right now? Shall we just do the fucking news and get this over with?

The people are busy. They don't want to hear us just rattling on. Is it because you haven't got

anything? I've got loads today. I've got loads of news that you can go back on that side. That's the

correct side. Thank you. I've got loads today. I don't need to do any filler because I've got loads of

stuff to talk about. You may have seen on the grown-up news that the TV's repair shop has rejected

the inappropriate Bob Monk House joke book. Did you see this? What's happened? So the repair shop

it's a show on TV. You could consider going in there. I've already been referred by Richard

I. Well, you know, he's done an adequate job, isn't he? Look exactly the same. He's done a good job.

He's strittin' me down to my underwear. The fucking pervert. And then you had a look at me and

then you look there to the sense. And you fucking wreck me again. Well, that's not the point.

Take you to the repair shop. I think you'd say something and they say that's inappropriate.

You can't have you on because you just said something inappropriate. I'm not in control of what I

say. Richard, of course you are. Don't try and blame other people for your own pronouncements.

But B, I think they would, you know, in a way, if they made you look like you originally looked,

I think that would be spooky and I don't think you would lose some of your character. The fact

that you've got this rubbish broken tie and there's holes in your top and your face is dirty and

oh my god, that's really falling apart there. I've noticed that your hair's falling out. Yeah,

and all your paint's falling off your nose. Yeah. Do you want someone painting you out like that?

No, Richard, I'm happy as I am. Anyway, so the news is that they've banned

Bob Monkowski's family. Bob Monkowski's great comedian, fan of comedy as well.

He wasn't exactly my taste comedian but I like him as a man and I like the fact that he stayed very

interested in comedy. He made these amazing joke books, cataloged all the jokes from I think the

60s, maybe the 50s onwards and it was renowned for this and they might have got stolen at some

point. I don't know. That's I've got a suddenly vague memory of that that they turned up again.

Their in bad shape is family took them into the repair shop and then their repair shop

read some of the jokes. This is what happened. The BBC, it's just a little, you can't say

anything anymore, can you, can't, am I going to be turning to one of those guys? Yeah, maybe.

According to the sun, it all connects, doesn't it? It does. It looks like it's just made up

as it goes along. Look, and then as I say according to the sun, the sun appears to spread its wisdom

upon us. The book was taken to the workshop in the program's barn by Monkowski's daughter and his

comedy writing partner, Joanna Ball, managing the director of Ricochet, which produces the show,

we said we planned to fix the joke book, but then we got it in the barn and saw it in its

entirety. We realised it contained many jokes that were not appropriate for broadcast. Oh dear.

Why would say that? Look, don't broadcast the joke. It's jokes and some of them will be of

historical interest only. Some of them will have gone out of fashion, but there's a massive

joke, but full of jokes. They can't all have just been take my mother-in-law, look at that,

she's fat and I hate women. They can't all of it in that because a bump, a bump, a bump, a

out of all of them is our Bob Monkowski. If you look at Bob Monkowski's up in allegations,

you get this story and you get that in the golden shot. Oh, and then that show was a good show,

wasn't it? There was allegations that he might have fixed it, but then it would never prove him.

So I have all the people in an entertainment. He seems like a decent person. I'm not going to

play my cards out completely because you find things out later, but he doesn't seem to have been

one of those guys. So you might have written down some jokes that were now in appropriate,

that were appropriate then. Just don't read the jokes out. That's what I was saying.

Read what some of the jokes that are appropriate. I've looked into this,

the repair shop have fixed role-dyle's gate. He has said some stuff. There's nothing written

on the gate, presumably, probably isn't some swastik's and stuff on the gate, but role-dyle certainly

made some very anti-Semitic comments in his life, extremely anti-Semitic. So why are we

repairing his gate? If you're going to start judging what the people have done in the past,

but also look, there's some jokes in there that aren't appropriate. I don't like those jokes.

I agree with you. Don't air them. Don't have to say anything about them. Fix the book. Read out,

you know, people laughed when I said I was going to make a median. They're not laughing now.

Read out those funds. I want to die like my dad peacefully asleep, not like his passenger screaming

hell out. You know what it was. I need the book to be able to read them out, probably. I don't

remember jokes. Just read the good ones out and ignore the other ones. I looked into it, the

repair shop. There's Jade Blades from the repair shop. He used to be on the repair shop. I can't

remember why he's not on anymore. Can you remember why he's not on anymore? No, he can't remember.

Yeah, there's some reason why he's not on anymore repair shop. Oh, higher mighty repair shop.

This is them repairing. It's them fixing a Bible. Now, let me have a look at my Bible facts. You

know, they didn't worry about fixing a Bible. Let's have a little look in and see what there's

anything. Is there anything sexist in the Bible? Alia wouldn't have thought so. No, I mean, and

probably not jokes, probably serious stuff. Wasn't it Timothy 2, 11, 12 that states I permit no

woman to teach or to have authority over a man. She is to keep silent. Didn't worry about that when

they were repairing that. Then they didn't read that bit out. Is there a bit in the Ten Commandments

where a wife is listed among the property of a man that should not be coveted alongside servants,

houses and cattle slaves? I think it is as well. Not sad. So, you know, the Bible can don't

slavery and sexism. Is there a bit in the Buddha Ron? I can't remember telling you. You're just

reading off the fucking screen. I can't remember. Alia just remind me. I haven't read the Bible.

I'm not interested. Just remind me. Is there a bit in due to on me 22, 23, 24? That's

the commandment. The commandment of a woman necessarily to be killed if she did not scream.

Is there not been due to on me 22, 28, 29 that mandates that a rapist pay 50 sheckles to a woman's

father and marry her effectively forcing the victim to live with her attack? It's not

the Bible that you repaired in the repair shop with J Blades standing there smiling. Repair shop.

Oh, look at the sexism in your own eye before looking at Bob Monkhouse's books and then decide

you're not going to mend them because you don't want to read some of the jokes out that you don't

have to read out. Richard, you really haven't the good at the repair shop. They won't have me on

now. I don't know if I want them on. Isn't there a bit in numbers 31, 17, 18 that

instruct soldiers to kill all non virgin women and male children but keep young girls with

themselves as that? Is that as bad as the mother-in-law jokes? But Monkhouse's book, I don't know,

but you repaired that Bible in the repair shop. You're turning into Joe Rogan or something

which I'm not. I'm just saying, you know, it's not, I'm not saying, oh you can't say anything

anymore. I'm not saying tell the jokes. I'm not saying read out those bits of the Bible like you

just did. I'm not saying that. They don't go out on TV. Just don't read the bits out.

But in the Bob Monk essay, have a little think about whether you want to repair a Bible when it's

full of that horrible actual stuff. Those aren't jokes. Those are the commands of God.

So God thinks that you're happily repairing that jade-laid and in there, but I wouldn't melt

when his mic took me out, would it? All right, Richard, I don't like it when you get so angry

and stuff. I think it soils the fun of the show. I think the show should be fun just to leave.

Did somebody say virgin? It's not appropriate to come in with that at this point. We're doing a

serious bit. Look, in order to talk about this subject, as this show is very, it's an anti, whatever

I'm meant to think, anti, it's anti, if that and sexism is wrong, that is what I think now.

If that's what people are saying, I agree with that. And this is a very anti-sexist show. We believe

everyone's equal. Don't believe we should make any of those old fashioned stupid jokes. Don't

we do that? We don't think that, Richard. You think we should be very forward looking?

So we've got a reporter over at the repair shop right now, what's that? I don't know which reporter

we've got today. There it is. There's the repair shop. It just says, the repair shop hasn't worked

out. A pair up, but that's just because the camera's pointing just at the second bit of the

repair shop. Let's see which reporter we sent across to chastise the repair shop people for their

hypocrisy out. They're hypocritical. If you're going to judge an item by what's in it, then you

know, I'm not saying I'm Jesus, no, but I don't think I'm, how am I wise for saying the stuff I've

said? Let's see which reporter is there. Hello, it's me Henry Hippell. Oh, oh. Yes, I'm here to talk

about the sexism in Bob Munkers' routines, Richard. Yeah, I don't know if that was, was that the,

Terry, was that the best reporter we could send? Well, I was the only one who did a little

Richard. Where is the repair shop actually, Henry? I don't know. Well, you there, aren't you?

Is it somewhere on planet earth, Richard? It's a repair shop. I'm here. Do you not remember getting

that? Yeah, I've got driven here. It's probably in the UK somewhere and I don't know where I am.

Good reporting, Henry Hippell. Yeah, Richard. I've talked to other people at the repair shop

and I agree with them. I think there's too many sexist jokes in this world. Even if they're

just written down in the book and you can't see them because you don't show them on camera,

I think we shouldn't even have them inside a shop book. I think that, because I think sexism is

just, it's one of the worst things on this, okay, well, I'm glad you think, because that's what I,

that's what, they're very much the, the, the, the philosophy here of, the, Richard Ali's Craven

New Jersey. I don't, I don't really agree with that. Well, you do agree with that. I don't know.

I think the idols write to that. I mean, no, you do not think that, Ali. Don't say that, that's awful.

Well, I'm not sure. I'm very, you know, I'm the old fashioned guy, I'm from Victorian Times, and I just,

you know, I like the old ways. Don't, we're not turning into that kind of podcast.

We don't like the old ways. We like the new ways. Whatever the new thing is that everyone says,

we have to think that's what we think. That's how on the fucking button we are here.

Yeah, okay. Well, thank you, Henry. It was a very mature look at this subject. I was worried,

when I saw it, was you popping up years, I was worried that you're laughing and going, yes,

yeah, you said yes in a funny way. You know, it's you doing the voice. I, well, look, it,

clearly, if it was me doing the voice, how could I surprise myself by saying yes in a funny way,

and then laughing at it? It's good point. You'd have to be mentally old, Richard. Well, I'm not,

I'm the same as person. You are the same as person. I know, Richard, that you are,

I said, the only person I know, I'm linking it. Don't sit on the other. Don't sit on the

barber yet. Well, that's some change. Anything else? I mean, I'm so impressed by the maturity you've

shown here, Henry Oppo, and everything you've done for us. Is there anything else you want to add

to the report? No, I think I've done it. Think that's it. Thanks. Okay. Well, look, this is brilliant.

Oh, just one thing, yeah. Yeah, what would the one thing be? I love big, wobbling movies,

Richard, I love them. Don't look, we're trying to pretend we're not sexist, big, wobbling,

movie. We believe women should be treated as if they're equal. We're gobbling movies. Turn it off.

Terry, get him away from here. He's ruined it again. Ruin it again, honey. Why do we keep giving

that guy a chance? Did somebody say guy, that guy forks? That's not undeniable. Anyway, I think we've

shown our true colours there. Yeah, I think we have. No. And look, you can be a feminist and you can

be anti sexist jokes and you can still allow an historical, I'm not saying the Bible shouldn't have

been repaired in the Repeshup. I'm saying that the Bible and Bob Munkass's horrible joke book

of sexist jokes are equal and should be treated with the same respect. If you treat the Bible

with that respect, treat Bob Munkass's jokes with those respect because they are the same.

In fact, Bob Munkass's book is not as bad as the Bible because I've just read out the bad bits

of the Bible. They don't tell us what the jokes were, but you know, I don't think they're a

passion to be the start preaching to us. That's all I'm saying. But until next time, that is all

we've got for you here. This is I'm Rich Chen. This is Ali. So thank you very much. Goodbye. We'll

see you on the next news round. I was quick and I'm like, I don't know. I think it did go well.

I think they can hear us. I don't think they can. They can. They've turned their mics off now.

They will just pretend you talk. Okay. Just do that. That's what you've got to do. Yeah, we

didn't lower it. And then we play this.

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On SPC 2 now, it's a cartoon inspired by the work of Alexandra Damas,

Elephant Tannion and the three muskapakidums. It's going to be good. On SPC 1 now,

it's Richard Alley's Craven News round. Don't miss it, my finest friends. It's going to be good.

Here it comes right now.

Hello, welcome to Richard Alley's Craven News round. It's Thursday, 26th of March,

2026. We're here with all the big news. You want to get in the picture? Yeah, the sun is in my eyes again.

Oh, that's the way it goes if we do it in the afternoon. At this time of year, it's lovely time

of year. It springs from. There was hail yesterday. It was very exciting. Yeah, all right.

Is this the weather or the news? Is it yesterday's weather, which is no used in the

noon or is it the news? It is the news. On Richard Herring, I played Ian Snell in Radio

4's Relativity. That's good. Named after a guy wants wrote to me so because I put his friend

Ian Snell's name in something and I've put it in nearly everything I've ever done ever since.

That's good. I hope Ian Snell is happy. I hope he's not happy. And I, I am Alley Slover,

the cartoon character from the Victorian era who was very popular and WC Field is

been influenced by me. Yeah, well, that's too very archaic things. We've got only to save

yourself. I have a feeling to save it. Firstly, I'm linking at it. You were going to say,

I'm cheeky. You weren't. You're the new, I'm still winking at it. Yeah, you're still winking at

it. Which one is it then there? I'm cheeky. Me. Don't put all your eggs in it. That's good. Don't put

your eggs in it. That's good at all. If you do what will happen, the eggs will roll and the eggs

will fall. They'll go down the toilet and run the then and you want the odd to eat them

cut the cup that in you and we cease. Oh musical song there from Alley Slover. I sit on it,

Daughter. I'm going to kill your children tonight. Don't let them go out alone.

This is for children this show. Most of them won't have children so that's won't be too scary for

them. I hope this is recording all right. Yeah, it looks okay. Look, let's crack straight on me.

Sorry, weren't he yesterday? Yeah. Jump crazy. There's no disease. He was somewhere

you went on holiday probably and what's his face took over? Oh, can't be good. It was now.

The bloke off channel four news. Yeah, he might have done it. Bask for a big boy. Did he ever do it?

He wasn't Bask for a big boy. Rich, you know, okay. He never did news round. Okay.

Why is this burning? Oh, if I stand up there, it's a bit better. Okay, let's have a look

at what today's news story is. Now I'm very excited about this one. You may have seen on the

grown-ups news that the oldest dog in the UK has been discovered in a Somerset cave, but which

cave rich in Goffs Cave in Cheddar? It's Cheddar news. If there's ever any news about Cheddar,

this is amazing. You know, the oldest dog. It's I think it's 5,000 years older than we thought.

There would be that dogs are going to be found in the cave. It was found in the cave. Then

was it found? It was found in the 1920s. This isn't used. It is because it was kept in the drawer

for a hundred years. Then someone thought we should test that. See if it's a dog or a wolf.

It was a wolf. Dad, it was a dog. And that's thanks to Cheddar. That's amazing. The Cheddar

and the other news come out of Cheddar. Yeah, the oldest that my history teacher,

Adrian Target, is related to a really old skeleton. He was in the gorge. That came out about 25

years ago. Maybe more than that actually, 28 years ago. He's my history teacher. Look how

much he looks like there. The guy who's his ancestors in saying it. He was black that guy. So

deal with that British National Party in Nigeria for a rational. You look, how are you going to do that?

Brown skin blue eyes. Maybe we don't know. We don't know. But I think that's nice. The

indigenous white people did not just appear. White people came from the same people as black people,

come from the people in Africa. That was the original people. It's a very important people

who realised that. And he realised that this country is a nation of immigrants. There's always

been immigrants coming in because there was no one born here. Indigently, it was there. So

grow up. You're stupid pricks. And immigration just makes us stronger. Don't come here with your

political views. I don't think that. Keep Britain to venture with Christianity only. That's

not really. And I've been here longer than any of you lot. I should get the chance what

goes on. 134 years I've been here. Keep Britain only to venture with Christianity. I think the

whole of Britain should just be venture with Christianity. No, no humans. How are you going to talk?

Well, I will talk to them. My other friends are venture with Christianity. How do you think I'm

talking about? I've never fully understood how you managed to. So what other news come out

Cheddar? So this is 20 odd years or 30 years ago. They found out that something was something

from 10,000 years ago. The man had not moved out of the place where his ancestors were for 10,000

years. That's not really new. Anything else? Yeah, loads of news come out Cheddar. Go on.

King Edmund nearly died in Cheddar. He wanted to try to chase a stag over at the tips and then he

nearly fell over the cliffs. I mean, the 800 or 900 or something like that. So that's the three

things that have happened in Cheddar. A king didn't die. That's not really news. Well, he was

exciting. He died two years later in a pub, or anyway. He was not made for old bones King Edmund.

Was that in Cheddar? No, the pub ball was in. I mean, a puddle first. I think I've discovered

that was. That's just from memory. That might not be right. Well, you shouldn't know. You asked

the question. I wouldn't expect the question. I could try the sun in my face. And so there was that.

Then your tasty teachers relate to an old skeleton, which you think of that. Everyone's

relate to all the skeletons yet. And then a dog. They found a dog in the cave. Yeah, a dead dog.

They found a dead dog in the cave. They're a bit of a dead dog in the cave. Probably been eaten by

that guy there because they were cannibals. And I thought you would not cannibal treat a dog

as it ran out. They're okay. They're eating people and surely they could eat dogs as well.

You know, no. Well, you think they thought we'll eat the people first. Then if we get really

hungry, we won't tuck into the dogs. Maybe you don't know. You don't know. Do you don't know what happened

back in those days? I don't know what happened back in those days. So yeah, look, very exciting news.

Especially for dogs. All dogs are related to the same pack of wolves from they thought like about

15,000 years ago. But I think it's even longer than that because there was a dog in Cheddar.

So the big news, everyone, the news breaking news, which was actually in the papers yesterday.

It wasn't with, it wasn't in that this is not the mainstream media. We consider it what we're

going to say before we put it in. Okay. The news is that 15,000 years ago there was a dog in Cheddar

and it died. And that's it. That's the fucking news. That's the best trick can do. Don't be rude.

I've done a good job with this show, but usually, you know, it's hard. Sometimes there's

enough news going on. But there's loads of news going on about the war in Iran. It's not

the coming of anything to say about that. Except, you know, it's interesting that Iran is the only

government in the world that's able to tell the truth about Donald Trump. That I never thought we'd

get to that point where the only time we heard the truth about Donald Trump was coming out the

mouth of the Ayatollas of Iran. Yeah. And a good old Donald Trump trying to end the war,

where he's killed all the relatives of this guy and now he's going, how should we eat,

be friends again now? Yeah. Good luck, Donald Trump. Good luck with your, with your pointless

submission that you didn't need to do. A man, no plan in a canal. Yeah, I thought I'd been in

nearly. I can't remember how that palindron goes. I don't think anyone's interested in

doing this right now. Should we go over to Cheddar Cage to talk to a reporter? If you're going to

be the fucking hearth, I was saying, they got an in-buby. That's probably, you know, it's hard to come

up with ideas for this every day. So, you know, I don't know what's going to be. Let's see what the

where our interview is today. Who's doing the interview today? Ah, where will it be? Let's have a look.

There we are. Oh, I recognise that. That is Goffs Cave in Cheddar. I recognise that. Do you

recognise that? I used to work in there. I buried 50 P piece somewhere in that cabin. So, Goffs,

if you want to find an old 50 P that you can't spend anymore, go and have a look in there and

you will be, it might be able to find if you dig around a bit. I hope not, you've gone already. My

gun used to work there. The black cat was up there on the wall. It didn't have to do tools.

They'll just have to stand there where an announcement played over and over again in your

deep underground. It was maddening. It drove me. Did it drive you mad? It did drive me mad. Oh,

you wouldn't notice. Did you think, if you hadn't worked in Cheddar Cays for three weeks on

your 18, that you would be doing this now? I don't. I think it was, it made me. Let's see which of

our roving reporters out there. I expect it will be did something. You say cave. Just have like

good vagina or anus. It's not good. Like caveus spongiosum inside the penis. And then that's what it's

called. Let's go. You're here. Let who's in. It's going to be the which let's lay bets. This is

like who's through the round window. Let's see. Pikachu. Oh, it's Pikachu. I didn't expect Pikachu

to be reporting from Goffs Cave. Pikachu. Pikachu. I mean, he's not our best reporter, is he?

How's it going there in Goffs Cave? Pikachu. Pikachu. Pikachu. Yeah. And, well, as they found

the remains of an old Pikachu in there, Pikachu. Pikachu. Pikachu. Pikachu doesn't let you

knocking the Pikachu line. Is Pikachu the name of the species or just the name of that guy? Pikachu.

Well, I think I'm just annoying. I was asking Ali. I think Pikachu is the name of the kind of animal

and also his name. But what if there's other Pikachu's? They just call Pikachu as well or do they

have different names? I don't know. I don't read this. Don't follow the program. Pikachu. Pikachu,

can you tell us? Is your name Pikachu or are you a Pikachu or are you a Pikachu called Pikachu?

Like Shrek is a Shrek called Shrek. Pikachu. Okay. This isn't really on on topic. I mean,

you know, you know, what I did, we used to idea. You shouldn't be talking about this. Pikachu. Okay.

The people of Chad are happy about the, oh, Pikachu. I think Pikachu is very angry. Oh,

he's rolling around. Is he? Have they have magic powers? Pikachu is probably... Pikachu.

There we go. I mean, that's really, that's a new low, isn't it? That's a new low even for this show.

Um, we filled the time. I mean, how much time we went to fill? I imagine when they started,

these would be five minutes long. They could go on, you know, Instagram stuff has to be under three,

third Instagram. I know. And I thought I'd get like, the kids would get interested. But, you know,

they'll all turn out to be 15 or 20 minutes long and that's no good until is it? No. But I think it's

good that no one finds this. And I think it's good if it's just a secret between you and us.

Please don't spread the news about this. Are you on Saturday night? Yeah, it should

notes. I don't know if it would not have been in touch, but I'm sure it will happen.

Anyway, that's all the news today. You may have seen it in the grown-up news,

but you want to see it in the mainstream media. We are going to go for a cocky carony

fell over. We're going to go now. The fed talk is there. I do this and look. Can you not

get some curtains up? No, we could get some curtains up there. That might be a good idea.

And I'll just something to block out the infernal sunshine of the restless mind.

You're very clever. Or are you just talking lowly shit? I can never understand.

All right, just pretend to talk now. No, I'm pretending to talk now. I'll do the thing.

And I'll do this. Just do this again. How many of these we've got now?

On SBC 2 now, it's fat Albert and the Cosby Kids. Sometimes you just don't need to change

it. Do you think we should probably shouldn't show that anymore? On SBC 1 now, it's Richard

Craven news round. It couldn't be more Craven.

I'm pretending to write the news today. Okay, that's it. Just until they notice we're here.

Hello, welcome to Rich and Alice Craven news round. Do the date first. It's Friday the March,

the 27th Friday the March the 27th. That's not how you do dates. All right, look Friday

March the 27th. One of our likes isn't working. I haven't been working all week though. No one's

noticed. And I'm Richard Herring. What were you in? I was in the radio show. That was then this

is now. We did quite a few series of that. Was it good? It wasn't really that good, but it was,

I suppose, the embryonic form of Hazard Cursmew, which was good. And also Danny Robinson was in it

who has gone on to beat the huge act you can sell out there, but also, you know, that's the one

you got rid of as it occurs to me. Yeah, that was foolishly made the wrong choice. Went for Dan

Tetzel. What can you do? What can you do, my friend? This is my little compatriot, Ali Slopper. I

was the very thing that's in Victorian times that I'm also that and that. You're what? And that

and that and that. Why did you all know I've done this thing? I'm trying to do the bees with

properly. But let's see what happens now. I'm thinking about it. Okay, that's the winking

edit. I'm cheeky me. Don't put your eggs in and ask it, Mrs Harrison. You'll only have your

help to blame if the yokes go or on me and the whites go or funny and you slip up and hurt your

oh, that has my father. Well, you have to do that to work. We have to know what something that

rhymes with aim that is rude. You know, how's your father? Otherwise, that's just you getting out

of doing a rhyme. What's the rude thing that rhymes with aim? The giname? The giname.

Ah, saying no. See, you just I, I've sometimes think, feel like you're making these songs up as you go

along. No, I'm not rich. They are classic musical songs. Oh, Ali, Dinyali, with the girl,

Sally and the top that she would show you and Nichols. It all went very well till one day

there came a big congregation of because because a congregation of because they came down the

alley and they saw me and Sally and they said, what do you do in there with that girl's underwear?

And I said, I didn't know, I was totally unaware that underwear was over there and under there

and over there and where and where and where and where and where and where and where. Oh,

so yeah, there's no way you could be making that up. That's just too good. So I bow down to you,

Ali, for your fantastic memory, no one could make it. Nobody could take that out rich just on

the surre than the moment. They would have to, they're genius to do that. I'm winking at it.

You wink there, but you've turned your winking eye to away from the camera. It still works.

Settle it down. By the way, sit on it down. Don't put your eggs in all one and ask it out. Get

out, Ali. Don't put your eggs in a basket. It's a stupid place to put them. All right, this is

just turning into man. But I thought we would start doing quite well with this. Like, there's

going to be teething troubles. There's going to be times when, you know, when you're doing a show

like this every day, there's going to be times when it doesn't go perfectly and when some of them

aren't as good as the others, all of this week. They've been good this week. Oh, this week isn't

quite bad. I think the wedding's day. We didn't do one on Wednesday. I'm winking at it.

Well, I don't need to wink there. Oh, my eye stuck. I'm in such pain. Oh, I can't, I die.

But, you know, I'm hoping like, if we had a bit of production values behind this Lord

Michael's and you know, a bit of money behind it, I think we could iron out some of the kinks

in it and kinks there. That could be, and they would blow, blow, blow, blow, blow, blow, blow, blow, blow, blow.

I'm singing. So it's Friday. I can't sing. I'm Friday. A nett of girls and she had a

Athena's, but I didn't mind because I didn't read it. This sending was co-la cherry cherry cherry

co-la. I think that's basically it. Yeah, well, good on Ray Davis, I say, but do you like this

Ray Davis all over you, Ray Davis? Okay, well, but I also, on this issue, whatever it is that I

meant to think, I think the thing that you, you know what you think about that? I think the same

as well as you. So we're on the same site here, guys. Yeah, we're right on. We're so welcome,

we're either woke or not woke, we're either asleep or woke, whichever is the one you think that's

what we are. So look out for that. Okay, so you do some fucking news. Oh, have you done all your

catchphrases? I'm a little drunk, but I'm going to kill you all. I think that one's not, I think

that's alienating to the audience. You know, I don't want to give notes on screen really, and we

can do this after I did not talk. We did not talk. I said the show. We only have an on-screen

relationship. It's true. I don't think we've ever spoken to each other when we're not actually

before me. Have we? No, just when we think film, that's the time they come to life, Richard. It's

the opposite of Toy Story. When no one's looking at me, I'm not, and I'm just inert. And when the

camera is on me, I can't lie. I turn into a different person, but like you, isn't it? What?

You show, I don't know, you're on stage on camera. I don't know how you know what I'm like

off camera. You never see your dull and boring and anti-social and so not funny. I mean, you know,

you think he's not funny on here? You should see him in real life. He's grumpy. He's a right

trick. He's shitting himself yesterday. You said you wouldn't tell people about that. I've just

had a, I ate too much sugar-free gum, and I just, I did a fart and a little bit of diarrhea

or something came out. I'm sitting nearly 60 years old. We don't have to talk about that. I asked

you not to mention that on TV. Yeah, you did that. I mentioned it. That's the news. This week,

kids, Richard, having shot himself. That's where it's gone to. Don't think highly embarrassing for

me. I didn't, and I haven't even told my wife about that. I just went and changed my underwear. It

wasn't that much, but you know, it was, it was enough to change your, you know, a little bit of

poo, watery poo in your pants. You want to change it. I don't, yeah, I mean, you do want to change it.

But look, I wish this wasn't live, and we could edit that out. Well, he can't riches out there now,

and everyone knows. Sometimes you just follow through a little bit, and it was just a tiny bit,

and change my pants. I was going for a rehearsal after no one knew that what had happened.

Everyone knows, and I think everyone is a bit of an exaggeration. I think the rich

who have no friends and watch this crap know. Should we get on with some news? Okay, yeah.

This isn't really the main news of today, but I just wanted to share this with you. You may have

seen on the grown-up news that a lady was conning some benefits, and it said she was housebound

and couldn't travel, and was too scared to go out, and then they caught her because of this photo.

Come on. There we go. Which I think, you know, that's the biggest sell. I would just love that.

It's just the funniest photo of the week, isn't it? This housebound benefit sheet.

And then for those of you listening to the podcast, an audio form only,

they're the true ones, and they said the audio files, disgusting audio files.

It's a lady in a very bright pink jumpsuit and a helmet just throwing her arms when she ziplines

through Mexico. I would have said, don't take a photo of that if I've been you.

I would have said, maybe should we not go on? There's a line just in case someone gets a photo of me

looking happy and not being housebound. We've got to pretend we're housebound, and I'm still in my house

in the UK. Anyway, that's not the story. You may have seen on the grown-up news that it's big

row-bot news. Why does it take two touches of each of these buttons to work? Chris Evans and Terry?

I'm sorry, I don't know. Every time I have to press the button twice, do you know? I'm a big TV

star. I'm on bake off this Sunday, and I don't expect to have to press a button twice, okay?

So can we get that sorted out? Yeah, I'm sorry. It's terrible. It's not a star with your

magnitude should be expected. I tell you right now, Terry, most TV stars in my

caliber wouldn't even press a button once. They don't see that as their job. I don't feel like

you have to press it twice for that to work. So if you want to keep your job, I'm from bake off,

okay? Bake off stand-up to cancer 740 Sunday. At your TV. And once they see me on that,

and they come and look at my YouTube channel to see what I'm up to, I think then we're going to

see some stuff happening, aren't we? Then we're going to see Richard and we're going to have to

hang around with this prick anyway. That's not very nice. I'll be with Joel Dommit or someone

wanting. In e-way, if I ship myself, Joel and I tell Joel Dommit, he'll keep it secret. That's

that's how you get to that level. People don't need to know about it. It's one of these

shit. You know, it's only a little bit. Anyway, you may have seen on the grown-up news that

Melania has been presenting a robot, haven't we yet? Look, Richard, there they are. Melania and

a robot. One of them is a soulless, plastic, alternateant that does whatever they're told, whether

they're programmed to do, yeah, and has a blank face and no brain and just works on robotics,

yeah. And the other one is Melania Trump, isn't it? That's right, yeah, those are the two ones

of robot and ones Melania Trump, yeah. So it was an odd thing to odd-weight phrase, I just thought

I would explain what a robot was, some people who didn't know. So one of them, should we do

this for an hour, yeah. One of them is just, yeah, I can't be bothered. The other one is Melania Trump,

the other one is Melania, just list the load of things that a robot does and then say, and the

other one's Melania Trump, and that will be true. You could, if you wanted to, yeah, no one would

expect, if you're listening a load of weird things like that, no one would expect you to reverse

that. So if you want to be funny, we're not trying to be funny, we're trying to be truthful.

Then, oh my god, I'm going to have to equip my director, I think we're starting at 10.

So, we're lucky, we're not lucky, we've got time. Whatever, let's crack on with the news. So

anyway, the new story here, it should we go through the new story, yes, why don't we just

actually do some news? Okay, so if you're watching, if you're a TV exec watching this,

they've just landed on this because you've been watching me on Bake Off, thinking that guy

would be good to be on Propitelli. Ignore all the stuff there, that's just flimflam, really,

when it was sort of flimflam, flimflam, Jimmy Jam, that was. So just, I'll tell you the story,

this is in slate, which I think is a fine publication. Out of all the mainstream media,

they'll tell you how it is. So yes, the White House First Lady Melania Trump entered the room

alongside a tall slim beige and black humanoid robot. Get your, how can you tell which one is

which joke out now? Well, that's not a funny thing to joke about slate. You know, one of them

is a human being and one of them is not. So come on, let's have some respect. The robot

introduces itself as figure three, a humanoid built in the United States of America and told the

group that it was great for the part of this historic movement to empower children with technology

and empowerment. So basically the story is Melania is hoping that we can get rid of traditional schools

and just have a robot in your house that teaches your kids and the beauty of this is, the beauty of

this system is you don't have to put, you don't have to risk putting the kids in a school where they

might learn stuff different than your parents think or have a liberal teacher telling them,

you know, to respect other human beings. You can literally program that robot to do anything,

to say anything you want and that will be a better way of teaching. The good thing about this,

I think, which is that if everyone is just schooled at home, they are robot, there will be far

few school shootings in there. That is true. So that's a bonus. You know, I think that probably

the number of kids who get killed every year at school, it doesn't really matter if they're kind

of brainwashed by a robot, at least they live. Plus, if someone does attempt to attack the kids,

you've got a robot there, presumably robot, cop, style, machine guns will come out,

he'll mow down the attackers. So you know, that's a dual purpose there. Maybe we could replace the

kids with robots as well. And then everyone will be safe, just keep all the actual children in a

sort of underground bunker. Melania thinks that teaching kids this way will be more efficient,

could be true. They will be made to believe that, let's see how that's going, yeah, me too. I'm

going to respond to this. And don't worry about me.

Melania thinks that I can't, I'm just going to say it wouldn't start doing your

acting and doing the show. It's important. I can't, I would be late for a rehearsal if the

director, I mean, if the director was any good and understood how to do it. Organized stuff

would be alright. Anyway, can we edit this out? It's live. If we get it out, think all that

stuff about me shitting myself would be in here. Okay. So anyway, look, we have got a special

call. This is a very special thing. Melania has sent something up for us. We're going to go live

to an American classroom where I believe one of the first robot teachers is it going to be

no, it's not going to be Henry, but we don't know Henry here by every day if that's what people

like. Make him say that thing. Someone in comment just as they said that they can speak

Pikachu-E's and that Pikachu was saying big wobbling boobies all the way through, but I don't

know if that's true. All right, Rich, let's get over this. Let's get this over. It's just

turning into a long one, isn't it? Oh, look, it's one of the robot teachers. Hello, Richard.

I am a robot. Yeah, you are robots. You don't look like the one in the picture. Well, I am

that throw to tight. I am an American robot. Why haven't you got a mac an accent? Because robots,

this is a robot accent. I talk roboties and I am here to teach you about what's going on in the world.

Okay, this is great. Well, this is a good way to find out if this is fair. So Iran started the war

and Donald Trump bravely went into rescue all the people there, but that isn't true, is it? Yes.

And Donald Trump was the greatest president there's ever been

was and still is I mean. And also, Donald Trump, we should all bow down and love him and anyone

who doesn't. Well, he's at with my tits. You have gotten some little tits there, haven't you?

How's that you with my tits? Is this the best you could do? I mean, it's sort of a satirical

thing where I'm making it. Do you think you could plan this a bit more? I was a sort of satirical

thing where I'm putting this shadow over your face with the lights on, where the lights aren't

working. The buttons don't work. I mean, I don't know what you know, I'm left here. Chris

haven't sitting in his ivory tower. Smoking up all the profits from this. This is thinking a lot

of money. So yeah, smoking it with the old wacky back he. Is that what he does? Yeah.

Not that one. Chris haven't done that one. Anyway, believe in Donald Trump. He is God. Thank you

for your lesson. Now go and play on your own in a cellar. Thank you. Goodbye.

Well, I think we've seen there. Was that worth it? We've seen what happened.

That's the idea, I guess, Melania there and the robot. I mean, I just think the danger is

people just want to have sex with the robot when they, that's the, you know, and then the robot

being a robot has to have sex with that. That's the third law of robotics. If a human asks

a robot to have sex with it, they have to do it. So I think that's going to end danger

of young children's lives. So I'm against this and hopefully it won't come to pass.

Thank you, Richard. It was fun, that lady. Let's go back to that lady because this was fun.

I hope you all have a good weekend. Thanks for indulging me. I do watch her bake off on Sunday

and see if I win. You can bet your house on it if you want. Don't get your house on it.

Don't give anything away. Well, I've seen it. I don't know what happens. I've seen this guy cook

and I can't believe he's as good as any other people. Well, you might be surprised.

No, you aren't. Did you shit yourself on the takeoff? No, I didn't. So I've got to cut my finger

quite badly. You're a fucking liability. Anyway, let's go. Thank you very much for watching. Yeah,

thank you. We started looking at each other too. I'm going to just pretend I'm making notes about

the... All right, and then we can get... Can we go now? Yeah, let's enjoy your weekend.

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