Processing Grief After Betrayal

In today’s episode of the Grounded Union Podcast, Brandon and Caitlyn open Season 5 with the raw reality of grief after betrayal. They break down the three major sources of pain for the betrayed spouse—the numbness of the partner who caused it, the ongoing waves of hidden lies, and the complete collapse of the life you thought you were living. They challenge the cultural pressure to “just get over it” and instead invite you to heal through the pain, release it in healthy ways, and create something new. You’ll walk away with simple, powerful practices and a reframing that turns grief into the very thing that can rebuild your marriage.

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YouTube Show available here

What we discussed:

• 00:00 – Season 5 Kickoff: Brandon introduces the episode on processing grief after betrayal and mentions the upcoming San Diego workshop (happening in two weeks!).
• 02:03 – The First Area of Pain: The unique cruelty of being in the worst pain of your life while the person who caused it is completely emotionally numb and unreachable.
• 03:50 – Shattered Realities: When the person you want to hold you is the one who broke your entire world.
• 06:30 – The Second Area of Pain: Waves of new revelations, trickled truth, and the panic of never knowing if you've finally heard everything.
• 11:22 – The Suffocating In-Between: Staying with a spouse who's half-in on healing, and the fear of being judged for leaving or staying.
• 14:59 – The Third Area of Pain: The burst reality — the car videos, the broken covenant, and the moment Caitlyn knew there was more.
• 18:29 – "When Will I Get Over This?": The difference between dismissing your story and healing through it.
• 20:55 – The Betrayer's Grief Journey: Why the one who caused pain must grieve their own actions first before they can ever genuinely show up for their wife's pain.
• 24:49 – The Two Paths of Pain: Choosing between the perpetual pain of secrecy or the momentary, productive pain of radical honesty that leads to connection.
• 31:43 – What If Your Spouse Won't Heal?: Why the two paths analogy only works when both are committed, and the importance of drawing a line instead of remaining in endless pain.
• 32:26 – The Pain-Free Birth Analogy: Allowing sensations to move through without adding a trauma story.
• 35:55 – Practical Ways to Move Through Grief: What Caitlyn actually did — getting outside, journaling, walking, running, and zero screens — releasing pain through movement instead of suppressing it.
• 40:03 – "Am I Causing Pain by Being Honest?": Why full honesty accelerates healing and how hiding secrets only protects the old self.
• 43:09 – Secrets Never Protect Anyone: The freedom that only comes when everything is brought into the light.