Poison Ivy. (+ 19 more dad jokes!)

0:00Experience a membership that backs what you're building with American Express Business Platinum. Enjoy complimentary access to the American Express Global Lounge collection, and a welcome offer of 200,000 points after you spend $20,000 on purchases on the card within your first three months of membership. American Express Business Platinum, there's nothing like it. Terms apply, learn more at americanexpress.com slash business dash platinum. My boss at the button factory said we had to rush this next batch. We had a pressing order.

1:05Poison Ivy, really robs me the wrong way. Face to fax people, aliens never visit earth. They've rid the yelp review, only one star. Don't hire a bull to clean your house. They charge way too much. What did the baby deer say to its mom? I know you love me, but please don't fawn over me. German train operator Deutsche Bahn has gone international, but Deriel is not a great name. Did you hear about the bakery they opened down at the zoo?

2:05It's called bread and captivity. If you are paranoid, don't become an Uber driver. All those people talking behind your back. Pregnant carrot went to the doctor after the feed is stopped kicking. The doctor said, I'm very sorry, you've had him as carrot. I saw some big cats fronking in a field of flowers. They were dandy lions. More dad jokes are coming up after this quick break. Eczema is unpredictable. But you can flare less with Eczema. A once monthly treatment for moderate to superior Eczema. After an initial four-month or longer dosing phase, about four and ten people taking Eczema. Achieved itch relief and glare are almost glare skin at 16 weeks. And most of those people maintain skin that's still more glare at one year with monthly dosing.

3:07Eczema is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older, who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe Eczema. Also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin, or topicals, or who cannot use topical therapies. Ebglus can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to Ebglus. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with Ebglus. Before starting Ebglus, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Ask your doctor about Ebglus and visit ebglus.lily.com or call 1-800-LilyRX or 1-800-545-5979. Try it out some new cowboy and western clothes today. I'm ranch dressing. What's the difference between an intense interrogation and a nature walk? One is badgering a witness, the other is witnessing a badger. Why did the bell get arrested?

4:12It held up a pair of pants. What do pilots and stand-up comedians have in common? They both worry about the landing. I just started learning to play swing in bebop. I'm pretty jazzed about it. What did the brain say to the bladder when it started leaking? You're in trouble. In which city do India people leave their mother? Mumbai. I'm Montgomery Jones. Don't miss the bonus joke at the end of the episode. We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide.

5:13So do us a favor and share a joke with your loved ones today. Looking for the gift for dad? We have the official daily dad jokes podcast electronic joke button now available on Amazon. A massive 500 preloaded dad jokes guaranteed to make you laugh and groan. Check the show notes page for the link. The daily dad jokes podcast is produced by classic studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. My day kicks off with the refreshing Celsius energy drink, then straight to the gym. Pre-get pick up, back home to meal prep, time for my fire session shift. One more Celsius gotta keep the lights on. When the three alarm hits, I'm ready.

6:13Celsius, live, fit, go. Grab a cold refreshing Celsius at your local retailer or locate now at Celsius.com. Be careful with that block of chitter. It's sharp. Get ready for safety not guaranteed. The new time traveling musical at signature theater. Based on the cult film, this indie rock adventure features an electrifying score by Guster's Ryan Miller. Safety not guaranteed plays March 3 through April 12th tickets at sicktheater.org.