[No Laughter Version] You know why I spend so much time on the treadmill? (+ 17 more dad jokes!)

0:00You know why I spend so much time on the treadmill? I'm a software engineer. How can I expect my program to run if I don't? What did the hiring manager at the dog art company say about the candidate who sketches cross-bred dogs? The Labrador-Doodle-Doodle-Doodle-Doodle-Doodle-Doodle-Doodle-Doodle-Doodle-Doodle. A player for the Los Angeles NFL team lost both his legs after his self-driving car crashed. AI continues to be a major cause in ram shortages. Walking home last night, I passed a slice of apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake. I said to myself, the streets seem strangely desert. I dated this stunning girl once. She was a communist, originally from China, but I met her while working in Switzerland. We lived in dinner first then moved to Turkey and went on holiday in Canada. Then she cheated on me.

1:00I was devastated, but I really should have known better. There had been a lot of red flags. My half-brother and I are not allowed to play with chainsaws anymore. A man has an egg for a car. It wouldn't start one cold morning, so he called roadside assistants. They said have you tried pulling the yoke out? He did, and it started. He told them it's all white now. I am lactose intolerant. I don't like people who are missing fingers either. Father time must love all you can eat buffet restaurants. He's always going for seconds. What did the baby slime say to the father slime? Goo goo. Jimmy told his father that he saw the family cat playing a long time with a rubber band and finally dropped it on into his water bowl. Why did the police block off the record store? It was an active rhythm scene.

2:01The laughter isn't over. We'll be back after this brief break. New markdowns up to 70% off are at Nordstrom Rack stores now. And that means so many new reasons to rack, because I always find something amazing. There's so many good brands, because there's always something new. Join the Nordic club to unlock exclusive discounts. Stop new arrivals first and more, plus buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. I accidentally glued myself to my autobiography. Anyways, that is my story, and I am sticking to it. I started whispering at home, and my wife asked why. I told her I didn't want Mark Zuckerberg to hear us. I left, my wife left, Alexa left, and Siri left. What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?

3:01Church. My grandpa fell into a large vat of axle grease. They compensated him well, but he slipped away before he could enjoy any of it. I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my fingers. I'm Montgomery Jones, hold on until the end of the episode for a bonus joke. We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide. Please share one of these jokes with your family and friends. Looking for more dad joke humor to share? Then subscribe to our new weekly email newsletter. It's our weekly round up of the best dad jokes, memes, and humor for you to enjoy. Spread the laughs and groans and sign up today. Check the sign up link in the show notes page or visit dailydadjokespodcast.com. The Daily Dad Jokes Podcast is produced by classic studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits.

4:03This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. This episode is brought to you by Nespresso, introducing Virtual Up, the latest and a long line of innovation from Nespresso. It's innovation you can touch, sense, and taste in every single cup. With a three-second start, easy open lever and dedicated brew over ice button, it's even easier to enjoy your coffee your way. That's it for yourself. Shop Virtual Up exclusively at Nespresso.com. That number wears a turban. Seek 7.