My Life Is Half Over Part 2

And what this shit like like what are you gonna do like I was thinking about the today like I'm sitting in this house that I fucking hate it's small

It it has no closet space and part it's look. It's my fault

I rushed to get a house because that's kind of how we do things and I had to move and

You know, I saw the pictures of it the lady did the tour. I didn't ask certain questions

So like we have no outdoor outlets like don't have a smoker. We don't have a dish. Well, we don't have a fucking dishwasher

What kind of archaic setup does somebody have that you don't have a dishwasher?

Like Jillian, I just started looking at other houses the other day just to see what's out there to rent and like the fact that it's not

Just common that it's not like almost a requirement to have a dishwasher

And you might say well, Josh just wash it by hand. It's easy to say that until you actually have to you know

Stand up and wash the fucking dishes. It's one thing to wash a couple of plates and cups and whatever when you start having to deal like

Six, seven pots and pans and shit like that. It's a pain in the ass

It's a legitimate pain in the balls. It sucks and these are just common things that you would think everybody has like a dishwasher

What world do you not have a dishwasher? I wouldn't have thought to ask if they have a dishwasher because you should have a fucking dishwasher

But what you end up with here is you end up with all these old-ass houses

Janky little part of town like the neighbors like it's it's it's a chain link fences. There's no privacy back

You're all this shit and it's just like the little things in life that you really want

Like the little things that you're desirous of the little things that you like that

Like I look back at some of the places that we had we had some relatively nice places

We had some places that were fine, you know, but we always had a little privacy in the backyard that type of shit. It was great

Like that's what I want to get to I don't want to move around anymore. I'm fucking tired of moving around

I don't want to go anywhere like I don't let like my my ambition in life. It's not moved from place to place to place

But ultimately I guess I still haven't found what I'm looking for and I get that I'm a malcontent

That's well documented about me. I'm a malcontent

But shit man like like I met that point now where like

What are we doing Josh?

Like what the fuck are we doing then you read that the average lifespan of a male in America 76 years of age

Then you see that the numbers and you've lived half your life. And what do you have to show for it?

You know

But when you're 27 28 you don't think about it in those kind of ways like you don't think about like when I moved to Houston the second time

I was 30 I just turned third day. It was like two months into being 30 when I moved there

And I was just making bread bro. Just bread. You know for the first time in my life

I really made money now all the money I had made in the past for the most part was good money because I wasn't a degenerate gambler that was setting my money on fire

but

At the time I'm making the sick amount of money to the point that I could take I took a large chunk of that and paid Jim and

Gilly to be on the show and I think between them there probably making like 80 grand or something

I was still making sick bank. I want to say the total for that show is like $300,000 was sick

And I was in Houston. It was still in the mid 2000s life was good to the point. I've told you this

I was putting away and I didn't even realize how much I was putting away like three grand a month just putting away

It was fucking awesome. Didn't even know it existed. It was incredible, you know and all this shit

I've done and I have nothing to show for it

That's the part that's frustrating like you look back and and and I should though

I should have something to show for it, but I don't because again

I've just fucked things up royally and I've gone from having gigantic jobs

To jobs that don't pay as much and you know, just it's kind of gradually gone down down down

Then you look back on it and you're like what have I done like what the fuck am I doing?

Again, I know it feels like I just give you guys life advice, you know pretty frequently

And look a lot of the jobs I took like I had to make these moves right like I had to go from Baton Rouge to Houston

And I had to go from Houston to Philly

But once I was in Philly, I didn't have to blow that thing up like did I want to live in Philly forever? Probably not part of my problem is

I always wonder what else is out there. I have a wandering eye not in my life just in my job

I always wonder what else is out there because in my mind I should get every job or I should be offered every job

But I'm gonna point now where I don't want to do that shit most of these radio companies suck anyway

And you know like the grass isn't always greener although every time I've moved for the most part

There's been something greener than what I had at the time, but still man like

Shit

I look at some of that stuff in my life, and I'm like what do you have to show for it?

Is I'm sitting there on the couch last night and our couch just some jank-ass couch that we bought at

Bob's and it's like it's sinking and shit and

I'm sitting in this tiny house like it's like

You know

809 hundred square feet literally no closet space for anything like

And you think about what your life was like saying Texas and and you look back on that like if you say Josh

What would be your ambition in life like what like what would make you happy in terms of like

Your life like what would be the perfect scenario?

And you know, I love Texas and Louisiana and I look back on those places and I love the houses that are there

And I love the big backyards that are there and I love smoking meat like all this shit

And I look back on that and I'm like shit. Why didn't I why didn't I want to live that life when I was actually fucking there

Maybe I want to fuck shit up and who does maybe I would have gotten fired anyway, but still

All that to say 76 and a half years is the average lifespan for a man in America

I'm already half dead

Like I'm blown away by this you don't really think about it like it crosses your mind

But then you really see it and it's in writing and you're like the fuck am I gonna do

What am I going to do with myself? What am I going to do to remedy this? How do I fix these ills?

How do I change this whole life to this this course? I'm on how do I make it better? How do I improve it?

Yeah, I honest to God thought St. Louis was the the plays

I really did

That's why I left that's why I left to take that job it felt like the perfect situation

Dad wanted to work there as a kid. I love the Cardinals. I love St. Louis. I love all this shit

And then you're there for a little bit and you realize yeah, it's probably gonna work

And like it sucks when you get somewhere and you've already told yourself like

That's probably gonna work and like that that moment has come pretty much everywhere

Although

I don't know if I ever felt that way totally at 790 but like and I didn't feel that way at Nashville

Like there was never a time where I was like I must get out of Nashville now

I had an agent and I wanted that agent to like turn over every stone

To see if there was you know a talk job like that's always been kind of the thing

I've been chasing again is the idea of doing talk radio again

and

So I was wondering if there was still sports gigs out there anything because I would say I'd probably be interested in that

But I was I was never like miserable in Nashville like there was never a well

This is a you know broken beyond repair things. I got off her new deals to stay there so

But um, but like St. Louis like you knew you're like okay

It's only a matter of time because none of this makes any sense and they're firing a bunch of people

And I'm eventually gonna be one of them and all that shit, but I don't know

I just I have there's envy that I have for people

That are seemingly

Comfortable in their life, you know, and maybe I'm just never meant to be comfortable

But I see some of these people and I've talked about it before on here

But I see these people and they live in Texas and they got these nice houses and

And you got a nice backyard and they got a smoker and they got all the shit

And I'm like Josh that could be you

But you fuck shut up because you're an embassal a lot of the time, you know

But um, yeah, that's

76 years. So I'm 39. I'll be 40 and what's wild you want to talk about how time just motors man

My birthday was in August so my birthday was six months ago

And I'm I turn 39. I'm like I'm gonna figure some real shit out before I'm 40. This is like the last go round here

Six months later. It's like shit. I've been figured shit out at all

But um, I don't even know how I got down this path like this was supposed to be talking about the the previews that I saw at the movie theater the other day

And somehow this is you know evolved or devolved depending on how you look at it and do a conversation about you know

My life and everything which a lot of these do I got a text from who am I gonna text from or was that DM

See you this DM came from that said they enjoy the life discussions who was this

Who were you person

John who said digging the life advice content you need a smoker in your life badly make it happen

Drunken smoker videos would be elite. I like my man here who's like listen

I hope for your sake that you get something done, but really we just need drunken smoker videos and that would be sweet

I look I don't disagree with that. I'd be down for that

Anyway, uh, let's see here we will have more coming here momentarily