Motherhood in the Algorithm

0:00I don't care what people's perceptions are of me. There is definitely some controversial topics that I've posted. That is 100% what I want to join. I also don't compare my life to anybody else's. Welcome to today's episode of I'm Fine, but I am joined by Nicole from Life with Alice and Charlotte. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you. Nicole, can you tell our listeners a little bit about who you are and what you do? Yeah, so I'm Nicole, more of two girls, Alice and Charlotte. They're faces behind my Instagram account. I am a content creator sharing real, relatable motherhood. I talk about the chaos, the ambition, the mental load, and the fact that you can love being a mom, but you can still want more. Yes, yes, definitely. And I think our paths crossed after we launched our book

1:03Back in October 25. And you had a read of that didn't you and did a few reviews. And I think a lot of our content aligns quite strongly on that point of view that we can go. I love being a mom. I love my children to death, but my gosh, this is so hard. And let's show that to the world, rather than just showing the highlighted reels of Instagram. But you've built your Instagram. So it's a point now where you've done collaborations with different companies, and you've got a really great following. So I'd love for you to share that journey with our listeners, especially if we've got people thinking, actually, I would love to become a content creator. I'd love to use my life as a platform to build something from. Can you just tell us where did they start? Was it something that was purposeful? Was it an accidental journey? It was most definitely an accidental journey. So I created an Instagram when Alice was born.

2:04And it was just purely for friends and family. But it has evolved into something so much larger. And I am so incredibly grateful for where it is at the minute and how it has got to this place. But my whole ethos, and like you say, with your book, we share so many similar values. And as a new parent, as a new mom, and I had Alice during COVID, everyone tells you all about how amazing it is to be a mom and bring children into the world and watch them grow up. And don't get me wrong. It is an absolutely incredible journey that you will never experience anything quite like it. But at the same time, it is really not. You lose yourself in the depths of motherhood. Everything becomes so focused on this new human being that you have brought into the world. And that's great. But you do go through an identity crisis

3:07and the whole mental load behind being a mom. It just takes such a huge toll on you. And no one tells you about the honest parts of motherhood, the truths behind it. And I was just so fed up with that. And I just thought, you know what, this Instagram, yeah, am I only have 10 followers at the time? But it's going to be my outlet, my diary of being a first time mom, during a pandemic. I have no idea what I'm doing. And it just, it needs to be somewhere that I can pour out my thoughts and feelings in a safe space, so to speak. And it's just evolved massively from there. It's a very brave thing to do to put your feelings out there. And I think a lot of people, especially, I know that I felt when I wrote the book, I felt like it was therapy to actually write it. And when it came to launch time, it felt really scary because actually some of the things that I was saying,

4:08I thought, if my children read this back in the future, are they going to think that I didn't enjoy spending time with them? And that wasn't the point of it at all. It was the point where I like, you know, the struggles that we have as moms, especially in the day and age that we've got Instagram and TikTok. And we're seeing all the other sides of this perfect motherhood that in my head, I'm like, I don't know like that. Like you should see. So I think, did you find it scary to initially put that out there? Do you feel like it was something that you needed to do? Honestly, I didn't find it scary at all. I have always been a very candid person and come across not, not blunders and harsh, but quite blunders in. I will tell you how I'm feeling. It's not up to you to resolve that situation, but I'm going to tell you anywhere. And Instagram very much became that platform for me. Now, let's say, you know, in this day and age, in Instagram, TikTok, social media and general is so right. And a lot of people nowadays don't have that typical village.

5:12You know, I have a great family and great support network, but nobody lives within a reasonable vicinity to be able to be like, can you knit proud for 10 minutes? So I can do X, Y and Z. Can you watch the baby or whatever? That doesn't happen. And I do vividly remember one of my posts was about having a village in this day and age being significantly different. It's now two o'clock in the morning. You need to talk to someone. You send them a WhatsApp, whereas back in the day, you could just open your bedroom door and someone would be there. So in terms of it being a scary thing, no, because it's not just going to sound so harsh. I don't care what people's perceptions are of me in terms of, oh, she's posted something really honest on Instagram. I feel the same, but I could never post something on a viral platform, whereas I just don't care.

6:13Like, I value honesty above anything, aside from kindness, about any other value that you can have. I would not rather be that honest on Instagram. And somebody who is in the depths, you know, if freshly posted past him or pregnant or 10 years down the line and is still struggling, I would love for them to see this post and be like, I relate to that so much. And I'm so grateful that someone has put it out into the universe. And it's made me feel like the way that I feel is okay. And you said a lot of that in your book. You know, it's absolutely fine for you to love being a mom, not like kids, love being a mom, not really like this phase of motherhood that you're in. And all of those aspects and that, I just don't shy away from being honest. I think that's a lovely quality to have. And it's something that I don't think everybody does have.

7:13I don't think I was, I naturally have that quality. I've always been more of a people, please. And as I've got ulcer and our brands developed and we've got bigger, I've definitely taken on a little bit more of that. I've got more of that. Well, actually, this is what I believe. But I don't think that's a natural thing for everybody. So I think it's a really good quality to have to be able to say, this is my opinion. I am not bothered if you like it or not. Because all the stuff that you put on there is, you know, it's stuff that people probably do think, but they actually don't want to say out loud. 100% there is definitely some controversial topics that I posted on Instagram. And I say it over and over again, you know, if my space is not for you, that is absolutely fine. There's no judgment in my zone at all. I do not judge anyone else. And I did a post about this recently. I don't judge anyone else is parenting techniques whether you're butter fed, breast fed, core sleep, don't sleep,

8:13sleep trend, whatever it is that you do, entirely your choice. Everybody parents differently. Nobody has the same journey. What I will judge you on is if you make a mum feel small for trying her best. That is 100% what I will judge you on. I don't care if your house is a mess. Come round to mine. Come round to mine. They meant to be messy. It's not an aesthetic thing. When you raise in children for your house to be spik and span. And I remember when my my little and the health visitor came round and I was definitely very like, oh my god, I have to look like I've got everything together. And shooking washing in the washing machine just to ram it out the way so there wasn't a massive pile of it on the floor. And looking like I actually had stuff together and putting everything in the sink and then putting choppy bot on top. You can actually see the fact that there's mess. And I remember the health visitor saying to me, she was so lovely. And she said, if your house is put together in perfect,

9:14she's like, that is more of a concern to me than if there's dirty nappies everywhere. And that really, and I mean, I was early 20s when I had my first one. So I was trying to almost be this person that I wasn't. And that really I was like, oh, I'm allowed to not have it all together. So I think having that space online where women can see that and that they can see that, you know, there is a community of people that feel the same, whether you want to say it or not, there's somebody that's in your kind of acknowledging feelings. And you touched on the fact that you have some controversial topics. What sort of topics have you found that have been the most controversial? So there was one. It was when Alice was a little bit younger and we've redecorated downstairs now. But I post in a video of Alice painting the wall and the wall was cream. And she's paying to net with hand prints and bright green. And I didn't shower anything like that. I literally videowed her.

10:15And I was saying, who's done this on the wall? And she said, oh, Alice has done it. I think she must have been younger than two. And I remember posting it and people commenting on it and being like, oh, you know, I could never. And blah, blah, blah. And I said, fine. That's absolutely fine. If you could never. I'm not bothered. I campaigned over it. She's enjoying herself. It was in her play corner as well. You know, I think it'd be a bit of a different story if it was like on the stairs. But it was in her play corner. It was Crayola washable paint. I wasn't overly concerned at all. But it did cause a little bit of a ruckus in the comment section. And I was just like, listen guys, you know, I don't care. I sent them to do some husband. He was like, oh, it's fine. You know, working paint the wall. Absolutely fine. No issues whatsoever. And I do think opinions online are very easy to put out there. Whereas if you were based to face with somebody, they would probably nod along. And I think putting it online, it's very easy to be faceless. It's very easy to be a keyboard warrior.

11:16And I think we found that especially with sort of the business side people do jump on comments. And I'm not really that bothered. I'm like, I've got nothing to hide. I'm not going to delete a comment. I'll just respond back to you. And I almost create in a conversation around it is quite a positive thing. Even if someone doesn't agree with you that that's okay. We've all got different opinions. You don't have to agree in the parenting space. People can be quite opinionated on parenting. And they can feel because they've done it that way. That's the correct way. And I just spike up sometimes a bit of a fiery. Yeah, I couldn't agree more with that. I mean, I have quite a few siblings were blended family. And every single one of us, parents completely different. So I want to understand why a stranger or a keyboard warrior would have the nerve to turn around. I feel like it's their right to be able to turn around and say. That's wrong. You shouldn't parent like that.

12:16If it's safe, you know, nobody's in danger. It doesn't really matter. And again, the conversation of because people believe it's their opinion. They believe that it's okay to say it. But actually in the early stages of motherhood. You are in quite a vulnerable position that. You are taking people's advice because you want so much to do things right. You don't want to fuck things up there. You've just had this beautiful baby. And you're like, I don't want to do anything, but like me with the healthy to come in. You're like, I don't want to do anything wrong. I want to have it together. But inside you're almost going, oh, but she said to do this. And my grandson to do this. And Paul, the next door said that I had to do this. And it's almost that all these opinions then implored on you. And you sort of fighting through them. And it almost pushing your own instincts out the way. To listen to all these other opinions that have maybe come from a place of actually caring. But they're not really welcome. No, I agree with that as well. I mean, I feel like when you're a first time mom.

13:17Things are completely different. And I parented completely different in the early years of for Alice. And I have done for Charlotte. I'm much more aware of what I think works for my children. Not for anybody else's. And sometimes we forget that each of our children are completely different individuals. That we can't be a parent in the same. And we do joke about it. We've got three. And we do say that our first she got everything like blended and handmade. We had a lot more energy and effort. Where is the third one? We're kind of like, oh, there's like a Christian. Yeah, there you go. And there are different people. And they've got different needs. And we can't necessarily just have this one way that fits every single child and every single parent. Yeah. Now for you, you've grown this following on Instagram. And your. Your content is around you and your children. And I know that a lot of topic at the moment around having children online.

14:19And the repercussions that that has on them as they get older. One of the big things for me is when we first had children. I mean, eldest is 15. I used to put pictures on Facebook. And I used to share it because I was so excited to share that we were doing things. And I only did that for maybe about two years. And then I set everything to private. But our children are all over our branding. There have been our models for everything. I mean, they are obviously. Nameless because they're just one of the many children that we have on our branding. But they are still on there. How do you find that you can protect. Alice and Charlotte's identity while growing this business because they are a crucial part of your following. So this was actually a topic that my husband and I discussed a couple of weeks ago. And I said to him, I'm thinking about going faceless. Not myself, but the girls. And he query. He said, why? And obviously we have the conversation, you know, about protecting their identity. And as they grow up and all of all of the things that come with being public on social media.

15:24And he made a very good point and said, you know, you don't pass anything that shows one where we live. You know, with people in a city living, they don't know what area of the city that you live in. And it's a big city that they don't know what school or childcare setting that they go to. They don't know any particular details about them aside from first name and potentially age when obviously we do birthday posts on on Instagram. In terms of protecting them, I am conscious that I don't post a certain type of content. So there has never been and never will be any half new to rudy children on my feed. And there's no back selfies. There's nothing like that. I've been very particular. I don't care if it's neck up with nothing showing their skin unless it's a summer outfit.

16:25There's no bed and suit pictures. There's nothing like that. So in terms of the safety aspect, I feel like we've got that nailed down in terms of the actual content. I don't post anything on Instagram that I the girls would look back on in however many years and black mom, why did you say this about me? Why did why did you do that? I've never once said I wish I hadn't had children or you know something. So irrational sort of speak that would make them question their existence or my relationship with them or love for them or anything of the sort. And I think that's where the boundaries are very blurred at the moment because I've seen children that I've recognized them because I've been to school with their parents, but I actually recognize that child when I've seen them out in our local village. And I know both of those children's names because they are online and I think that's maybe where I struggle with it because that worries me that I know these children.

17:30They've got no idea who I am, but I know that you know she's called Molly and he's called Tom because seeing that they've been put online. I don't know whether that's where the danger is because maybe we just don't know yeah maybe I mean nobody knows what social media is going to be like in five, 10, 15 years time. Obviously AI is a big thing at the minute. There's been topics about particular types of photos being posted on social media and then AI being able to remove items from those photos. And it can attract a particular type of person. Wow, I don't know I've not heard of that. That's terrifying. Yeah, so you know a lot of people put emojis over children's faces to set their identity. But you can take that photo and use AI to remove that emoji from a child's face when terms of protecting the identity is better if it was blurred initially.

18:36On the actual photo of the child's face and then potentially putting emoji over that one should you've uploaded it so that a particular type of person couldn't take that photo, remove the emoji and see that the child's face or whatever area of the body it is. But this is why I think people need to be so particular about this type of content that the post I don't post photos that could be taken out of context for this type of particular person. If my children read tonight and I scream, for instance, and then I scream all over this, not the type of thing that I'm going down here. I am quite conscious of protecting the girls as much as I can without their face is not being present on social media. I'm too far into it now. It's all of us are like, I'm going to minute, you're not seeing my child's face and some brands, not all brands, but some brands and businesses would want a reaction from the child.

19:46You do a reaction from a child without showing the face. Ultimately, your branding is you and your children and it's all about personal brand and that is what you've created. And I think for me, when I took everything off social media, I didn't necessarily take it off because any of these thoughts going through my head, this AI stuff. I just literally thought all there's a picture that actually they could find quite embarrassing when they're 16. So that was my reasoning behind it. But again, that was so long ago that I think we didn't even have the realms of even AI was a thing. It was just that I was like, oh, would they be embarrassed by that? Actually, okay, I'll just take that off. And again, they work completely removed. So they are still there. They're just hidden. Yeah. So I know whether they are in the worlds of AI and everything. They are still accessible to people. I've got no idea because almost when you put something out there. Can you take it? Forever. Yeah. And I think that this is where people need to be, you know, extremely careful with the type of content that they do post and into the embarrassment.

20:47I feel like a little bit of embarrassment. So good thing for morale. Really? If we've got someone who is watching or listening and they're thinking, actually, I feel like I could do this. A little bit of advice from someone who's done it. Would you give them? Honestly, just go for it. Just go for it. I mean, I did not set out to create an Instagram that has just shy of 5,000 followers. I didn't set out to do that. I did not set out to, you know, be able to work with the incredible brands and businesses that I have worked with. I've been an absolute whirlwind if I'm being completely honest. That was never my intention, but it has evolved into this. And I distinctly remembered just talking about brands that are brand wanted to work with me. I received a phone call saying that is brand wanted to work with me.

21:47And I queried, I said, you know, why do they want to work with me? And the lady on the phone turned around, basically, and said, because of how open and honest you are on Instagram, it's not polished, which news your content in ads. But it's not a typical ad. It's not you must find this. It's, how can this fit into daily life as a mom? How does being a mom benefit from this product? And I just thought, you know what, this is absolutely blown my mind. The fact that this huge brand wants to work with just lowly on me. And do you think, do you think to some extent, because content creation, it does take a lot of your brain. Oh, like it does take a lot of brain space. And it is hard. Like I know people sometimes will say to us, oh, yeah, but you, you know, you post on social media, I might, but sometimes you've got to really. You've got to pick at your brain to get the right message across and it's not something that you can just chuck something out there all the time.

22:51So how have you managed to develop the brand in a way that sort of feels like it aligns with you and it's catch you on that upward trajectory. If I'm being completely honest, I just didn't think much about it when I started posting and as specific type of post game traction, I thought, oh, well, you know, is this the avenue to go down. So I would post more about that type of content and see, you know, did this type of content take off and I know recently I've started a series or to speak. And it's honest thoughts as as it always is on my Instagram and I started it in terms of, you know, I used to care about followers about the numbers and I still do. But it's not the be all an end all my be all an end all is the initial reason that I started out was to make sure that another mom didn't feel like she was going through this journey on a run and she had no one to talk to on no one was feeling a similar situation.

23:55I've been through something similar, whatever type of emotions going through that this mom, I just wanted to make sure that she didn't feel alone because I know for a fact I did. I'm probably feeling and giving them up for that in the world. Businesses that have impact are the ones that grown actually and organically because your purpose really shines through and how do you manage because social media can suck you in. How do you manage your life on social media without just getting drawn into it? Have you got sort of boundaries that you set in order to not be drawn in. Just I just don't compare I really I really don't I mean I am more than happy with my life I've worked hard to get to every single stage of my life and what I have achieved achieved up to now. Do you have set times that you'll be on social media and do you give yourself quite strict ones or do you just do it as and when.

25:07If I'm being completely completely honest I don't really have set times I try not to be on social media when I'm with the girls I would like to give them 100% of my undivided. As much as you can when you've got a house to run and two children that are on different schedules and all of that that comes with being a grown woman. So in terms of boundaries I don't really have set times but I also don't compare my life to anybody else's. I know that everybody is significantly different at different places in their life different stages I know that people have bigger houses than I do swallow houses messy houses tidy houses social media is great but it can also show a side of being a parent that makes your question whether you're doing enough whether you are enough whether you're parenting right whether your house is too messy.

26:11You know my house is a constant bomb site all the time and I before I had kids and I have a touch of all CD and mom would make fun of me in a jockey where I would reorganize my wardrobe like once a week for example and everything needed to be a set order light switches. And then as soon as children came along I kind of just had to loosen the reins there and accept that my house is going to be messy I've got young children and it frustrates the heck out on it but you just got to get on with it. And then compare yourself on social media to tell anybody else you are enough doing enough your great mom great dad great parent whoever you are. I think that's such a nice message to finish on so if any of our listeners want to come and find you can you let them know where you are please.

27:15So I am on Instagram at life with Alice and Charlotte. Thank you so much Nicole for joining us today and given us all your insights into being a content creator. Thank you so much for having me. You've just listened to I'm five but if you're unsure about business or what really matters to you right now why not take a free core values course. It's linked in the show notes and it's a brilliant place to begin. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode and you can follow us online at all your favorite social media platforms at babybeatsuk. Until next time I'm Rose and I'm fine but honestly we're all just figuring it out.