Meanwhile | Giraffe vs. Ostrich, Robot Vacuum Army

0:00Testing season is right around the corner, and this is when confidence really matters. When kids take time to review key concepts and strengthen their skills before assessments, it can make all the difference. IXL helps reinforce what they're learning right now, so they walk into every test feeling prepared, capable, and confident. IXL is an award-winning online learning platform that helps kids truly understand what they're learning, whether they're building math confidence, strengthening reading and writing skills, or reviewing science concepts. Designed for students from pre-K through 12th grade, IXL delivers personalized interactive practice that adapts to your child's level and pace. It's an easy, effective way to support learning as the school year heads into its final stretch. Studies show kids who use IXL score higher on tests, proven in all 50 states. IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the US. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now, and listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today

1:05at IXLlearning.com slash audio. Visit IXLlearning.com slash audio to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Sear has all the best active and outdoor brands you need. From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, swish to athletic-ish stuff. Like a half-mile stroll. Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace! Tonight time ghost stories from the Camping Chair. What a twist! Whatever level of active, Sear loves it all. Head to searor or seara.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sear has got it! Now, folks, if you watch this show, and we don't always do live shows, but we love the energy when we do, I just want you to know that I know that you know that I spend most of my time right over there in the news cocina.

2:07Slow brazing prime cacchette for 10 hours then serving on a flower tortilla with salsa de chili arbo. To make for you the beef-cheek barbacoa notania, that is my monologue, but sometimes, while trying to break into an illegal, durable fighting parlor to steal back my money, I get stuck in a septic trench where I heath the remains of what is likely a defeated hamster over a discarded lighter and scrape it into a half-eaten hotdog bun to munch on the sewer chalupa of news that is my segment. There you go, a live meanwhile. That's all American news to deal. Meanwhile, in food news, researchers say that eating 30 plants a week can transform your gut health. What? I can't name 30 plants. Carrot, lettuce, the twix one. I'm out.

3:08Meanwhile, a man with three penises may have gone his whole life without knowing about the extra two. The discovery was made by researchers at Johnson and Johnson and Johnson. Apparently, there you go. There you go, a nation heel. Apparently, the penises three were discovered while scientists in England were examining a cadaver. In other words, English scientists spotted dick. As to how this all went undetected for so long, scientists believe the extra two were concealed within the scrottle sack. Just like the old saying, is that a penis in your penis? Or are you just happy to penis? Yes.

4:11Meanwhile, a giraffe and ostrich were caught in an intense staring battle in footage shared by the Memphis Zoo. There they are. I would love to know what is going on in those two pecan-sized brains right now. That looks like an existential crisis to me. Wait, am I a messed-up you? Or are you a messed-up me? Meanwhile, scientists have discovered that horses can whistle and sing at the same time by vibrating their vocal folds while generating a high-pitched sound by whistling through their larynx. And I'm, is this true? I'm told we have obtained the research footage of a horse singing while whistling. Meanwhile, I wasn't sure how the horse would play. I'll admit.

5:17But it's a live show. If it wasn't live, maybe we'd edit that out. Meanwhile, this is how the sausage is made. Meanwhile, in a new customer service strategy, angry burger king customers can now call their president directly to complain. Wait, a burger king and a burger president? This is a weird way to find out that burger king is a parliamentary republic. Meanwhile, in New York City, here, the hottest new way for singles to meet is wrestling speed dating. And in the other, we have Paolo, who has a fear of commitment. Let's get ready to go on three days and say work is getting really busy. For the West Coast, let's see.

6:19Meanwhile, in Illinois, Judge recently ruled that the boneless wings at Buffalo Wild Wings could indeed be called wings. Yes, justice is served with a side of blue cheese and two pieces of celery that you might eat. Specifically, the judge ruled that the bee dubs can call them boneless wings, even though they're essentially chicken nuggets. I'm sorry, essentially chicken nuggets is sparkling wine essentially champagne is wool essentially cashmere is Dylan McDermott essentially Dermott Mulroney. Nobody knows. The judge said that the plaintiff does not plausibly alleged that reasonable consumers are fooled by Buffalo Wild Wings use to the term boneless wings. Okay, there's the flaw right there. No reasonable person is ever eaten at Buffalo Wild Wings. We're talking about a place where you can buy wings by the bundle, which of course comes with bone in wings, boneless wings, home, and auto.

7:36Folks, if you're if you're watching the show right now and I suspect you are, you know that I spend most of my time over there in the news shop handling the most topical story fiberglass into a fast back body with a 327 cubic inch V8 small block engine then adding a fighter jet-inspired quintal to ash build for you the 1963 Corvette stingray split window coop that is my monologue but sometimes folks just sometimes on the lamb from the cult that I started which then turned on me. I flip an abandoned lawn mowers blade housing on its side and strap it to the back of a plastic baby pool mounted on roller skates and putter away on the fan boat Lamborghini of news that is my segment. You got to drive that train. Okay, come. I am sure. Meanwhile, ladies and gentlemen, Duncan just launched a new product line 48 ounce buckets of coffee

8:37which is convenient because if you drink 48 ounces of coffee you're going to need a bucket. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Not to be outdone Starbucks will charge you 10 bucks for one minute in front of the Josecino. 48 ounces is a lot of Java. The FDA says no one should drink more than 400 milligrams of caffeine a day and each bucket contains 500 to 600 milligrams. This explains Duncan's new slogan, America dies from ventricular tachycardia. Possibly. Possibly. Allegedly. Meanwhile, Costco's 499 rotisserie chicken is facing two class action lawsuits. Damn, imagine getting cooked on a spit and then being served a subpoena. It's not fair. That's not fair. Meanwhile, for all those asking for more creative solutions to medical school debt, a New York City surgical resident is selling balloon art to pay back

9:40over $400,000 in student loans. Great skill for a surgeon. Mr. Deming, the obstruction has been removed and while I was in there, I major colon into a poodle. Meanwhile, in award news, the image of an ultra rare white whale has won the top prize at the World Nature Photography Awards. Of course, the phrase white whale itself means an unattainable pinnacle from the classic novel of the 1850s, Madame Bovery Whale Hunter. Meanwhile, people love Flow Bear jokes. We learn that on our old show, the Flow Bear Report. Meanwhile, there you go, this smart choice. Meanwhile, last week, a man accidentally gained control of 7,000 robot vacuums while he was

10:42trying to reverse engineer his new DJI Romo Vacuum so that he could control it with his PlayStation 5 Gamepad. That has got to be the most boring use of a PS5 controller since the release of Diswashers Creed. Meanwhile, the prior of a hermitage in Tuscany has urged monks living in the secluded retreat to avoid the use of social media. Well, yeah, what do hermits post on social media? Okay, fam, get ready with me to not go anywhere. Today's fit is a burlap sack cinched with rough twine. Check out the new hole I poop in. Smash that like button, girly pops. Meanwhile, in Dino News, scientists have discovered a 125-million-year-old porcupine-like dinosaur

11:42named How Long Dungy. Now, I told my writers I would do this story if they could come up with a good tasteful joke off the name How Long Dungy. And when they came up with it, they're to call me on this phone. Hello? Uh-huh. Got it. Thanks. Wrong number. Ah, ah, ah. Meanwhile. Meanwhile, as baseball spring training gets underway, the MLB says robot oms are here to decide

12:47baseball's most important question. What's the strike? And not as I thought, when will this game end? Thank you for listening to The Late Show Podge show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives. It is my great honor to welcome you all to Starfleet Academy. There's never been a better time to enroll in Star Trek. It's our job to prepare you for the unimaginable. To the next, connect! In high-pressure situations, a positive enforcement is crucial to one success. You're doing a great job. This is what we train for. He's friends in mind? They all live for something bigger than themselves. And that's Starfleet. Starfleet Academy, new series now streaming on Paramount Plus. I'm back. I'm really back. School spirits returns. Why am I here? I'm not dead, right? This place is an absolute death trap.

13:50We need to get out of here now. School spirits new season now streaming only on Paramount Plus.