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comedyMar 17, 20266:21

Masked Speaker: The Ginger Bloodline

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One of our listeners says it's hard to forgive his older brother for a childhood prank that went too far... Because it had him believing something INSANE about every redheaded person he saw... and he believed it for THREE FULL YEARS.

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Masked Speaker: The Ginger Bloodline

Brooke and Jeffrey

0:00
6:21

Full transcript

Brooke and JeffreyMasked Speaker: The Ginger Bloodline. Machine-transcribed; use the interactive transcript above to jump the player to any line.

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we're all embarrassment to humankind. And luckily, this segment gives us a chance to admit our biggest faults and our dirtiest secrets anonymously while we alter your voice to hide your shame. We just got a secret. We got a guy on the phone ready to tell us why he's a massive drain on society. He's chosen Blake as his fake name. So Blake, welcome to the show. Hi there. Thanks so much for having me on. Glad you laughed through that instead of crying. He knows the truth. Voice changer is on. You are the Mask Speaker. Blake, whenever you're ready, let's hear your confession. Okay. When I was a kid, I was like seven years old. My older step-brother told me something that I believed for way too long. Oh, I always love these. The older sibling lie is always great. I thought I was adopted for a long time. So for concepts, I have red hair and I was always told that my red hair color comes from my dad. Oh, there goes your identity. Now everybody knows who you are. One guy. But your dad also was right here. He also has red hair.

Okay. So I'm playing outside with my older step-brother and he pulled me aside and he said, hey, you know the three red head kids that lived down the street from us? Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, we read the bus to school with them. And he said, yeah, those guys are dad's other kids from this previous marriage. But they're the same age as me. Wait. When you're that young, though, you don't do the mask. That's why they all have red hair too. And he says, anytime you see a red-headed kid, it's one of God's secrets. He's the only one that's making kids with red hair in the world. He's patient for your old friends. You're a little seven-year-old. You're like, why aren't my brothers and sisters talking to me? Yeah. That's vicious. He makes me swear not to tell anyone. Of course. That's what makes you go crazy because you're never going to talk about it.

Yeah. And if any kids are listening, that's always a sign that someone is doing you dirty. Yeah. If you can't talk about it and there's a reason they don't want you to. So I'm just carrying this family secret. And I keep bumping into those three kids. And I feel bad that they don't know. Well, and their father isn't involved in their lives. To be clear, they do have like an actual dad, right? Yeah, but he thinks that his dad is their dad. It doesn't matter what reality is. That's the babysitter, Jeff. Yeah. He's just swooping in to pick up the leftovers that your dad left behind. But I remember waiting for the ice cream truck one day and getting Ninja Turtles ice cream pop. Oh, those are good. The other new kids also got Ninja Turtles ice cream pop and I was like, well, yeah, that makes sense because we're related. Yeah, we all crave the same grades. Our taste buds are the same. You're like, like, L'Angelo, too.

I mean, those kids like to ride their bikes, too. Yeah, must be a ginger thing. How long did this go on for? Well, this went on until when I was like 10, it was like three years. Wow. I finally talked to the kids. I felt bad and I finally said something to these three boys. But like, you want to talk about, you know, our path. I know. I sat them down. Yeah, like, we've got to break the ice here. The parents would be so mad if they knew that we were talking to each other right now. Oh, let's just get the truth out there. This is such a kid. Were they so confused? Yeah, what was it? Yeah, well, I was like, you know, how your dad, my dad, and they looked at me like I was a psycho. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you are. And you're looking at them like they're just naive. And you're like, oh, sweet souls, you guys don't know.

Yeah, oh, the truth. How did you finally figure this out? Yeah, like a year later, one of them is like, do why you keep acting like we're related. And I told him the whole story. And all three of them just started cracking up about it. Oh, yeah. No, I'm serious. Our dad's a huge player. He's going all over town, making little red-headed children everywhere you go. You seem even ways high to your dad. Yeah. He's like, they're all the same age. All the kids are like, he had two really good years. Yeah, yeah. No. And that's when you found out. Yep, so I found out. I thought my dad had secret ginger kids all over town. Yeah, oh, my god. Yeah, red-headed listening. You know who your real dad is now. Does your stepbrother know now how long you have went on with this lie that he told you? Oh, yeah. He calls this story old times. If he's really your stepbrother. Oh, it's your dad. I know that's a whole other boxworms to undo.

But that's hilarious three whole years. I'm sorry that happened, but thanks for coming on the show and confessing your red-haired secret to the whole world. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. I really appreciate it. Hey, we have a red head that works here. Do you think you're related? Oh, baby. Yeah, definitely. We'll do a family reunion for you too later. But text in the 78592. If you have a confession you've been holding on to, we'll hide your identity, mask your voice, and make you our next mass speaker. Phone taps coming up right after this. Some people like working twice as hard, just to stay right where they are. And in Ohio, we really don't get it. Because to us, owning a home in your 30s, working in tech without the traffic, and still being able to make it to your kids' soccer game, sounds pretty good. In fact, Ohio is the second most affordable state to buy a home. Your move, learn more at yourmoveohio.com.

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