Lived and Learned: Pursue Virtue with Momma A

0:00Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. This is Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM. I'm Grace Novak from the LibDenLearn podcast. And with me today is Ava Ramuni, the House Director at Old Storm on Hillsdale College. Welcome to the show. Thank you. Glad to be here. We are so happy to have you, too. So I should say this before I get started that I am, in fact, an old-screw myself. My freshman year, I live in Old Storm, and now this year I'm an RA there. So I know mama, I very well, and I work with her on a daily basis, which has been such a blessing. So our listeners should know that we already have a relationship established coming into this podcast. But okay. So starting off the bat, as you know, this show, we just talk about advice that would just be so helpful for young people, particularly young women, to know in their 20s. So why don't you just tell us a bit about your story?

1:00What was your life like at 20? And well, my life at 20, I was actually married and married at 19, I believe I was when I actually got married. So I was married and had no children at that time. And my husband worked, I worked, you know, and then we, about two years, a little over two years into the marriage, you know, I got pregnant with my son, and then shortly at there after it was, you know, I was young, so I didn't make very good choices when I was young. And the person that I married was very charming, but he was of, I would say, foreign descent.

2:04And it was, you know, I was young and probably most naive. So we got married and like I said, we both worked and then I had my, had our son. And very, I would say six to eight months, or maybe a little less than eight months, we were separated. Yeah. And so the marriage didn't last very long. There was not a lot of compatibility there. The marriage dissolved rather quickly after that. So, but I had a beautiful son and I was elated with him and kind of poured my life into him and just trying to raise him along. Wow. Yeah. That's a lot to go through at such a young age. Well, it is, but it's choices we make and even though we're young and naive, there's always people in our life that try to advise us. And you know, when we're young and we want to spread our wings and fly, we just think

3:08that we can handle anything. And you're only to find that it's, it's not really that way at all. It usually, you know, you may be, it's good to get married and all of the things, but sometimes not all of us are ready when we think we're ready. So timing is a factor as well. And compatibility is very important. Yeah. Oh, I'm sure that makes sense, but wow, I am sorry though, that is, that is a lot. Well, okay, so tell me from then how the rest of your life looked after that experience so young and having a son and, yeah, being on your own with that. Well, his father, you know, stayed around in the, in the state of Michigan for a few years after our separation and divorce, but then he moved out of state and from that point, you know, and he would visit and had, you know, certain rights there.

4:13And I went through that, getting that time of life, of getting used to not having him in my life. And there was a lot of emotional ups and downs, a lot, a lot. And then, so it took him actually having to move out of the state for me to really be able to clearly let go, you know, of any hope, you know, because I always, I was, I was raised kind of old fashioned that, you know, once you get married, you know, it's for life and, and I believe that's still. And so I guess in the back of my mind, I always had these hopes and that we would maybe get back together, but there was just a lot of cultural, religious differences that were just so steep that I don't think it was possible. Yeah. Yeah. So I just poured myself into my son being so little, he hadn't even, I don't even think he had started walking yet.

5:14He walked about eight and a half months old. He was just at that point of starting to learn to walk. And so I just poured my whole self into him. And that was kind of what probably kept me sane and focused and, and, you know, and I went to church and I took him at a very young age. And so I think that was, that was it right there is just he, the Lord and my, and, and him allowing me to have that child, I think, kept me anchored. Yeah. No, that's, that is such a blessing. Absolutely. And I'm sure you must be very close to your son now. Yeah, I'd say we are. He's an only child, obviously, so. Yeah. And you have grandsons? I do. Two grandsons, of course, I think they're pretty spiffy. And the oldest one is Lincoln and he is 11 and the youngest one's name is Griswald. And he is for, and he's, he's quite a character.

6:14That's so fun for our listeners who are just now tuning in. This is Radio Free Hills Doe 101.7 FM and I'm Grace Novak on the Lifton Learn Podcast, talking with Mama A, the house director at Olds, where we frequently get to see said grandsons who are running around and they are very cute. I can testify to that for sure. Thank you. Yeah. Okay, so obviously, I mean, I mean, that's just so much to start out with just so early on in life that, that really, that really is a lot to have to walk through at such such a young age. And so I'm, I'm curious how, how that impacted the rest of your life both just in the, like, the literal positions that you ended up being in and like, well, now, now you live in Olds, you know, like things that wouldn't have happened otherwise. And then also just how you think that developed you as a person. Well, as I stated, I was, you know, my parents were very strict.

7:18My dad, especially, but he, he died, my father died when I was 15 and he was very young. He was like only 44. So that kind of changed our whole family dynamics, you know, and my mom was, you know, fairly still a young woman with three teenagers left with three teenagers to raise. And she found herself probably a little anxious about that, you know, and the grief that she was going through and trying to process that. So she remarried within less than a year of my father's passing, you know, it was just different. And I think it, at that time in my life, you know, with my dad being gone, because he was probably more of the disciplinary and he didn't spank us or, you know, that sort of thing. But he was very, you know, he had some very strong ethics and, you know, he kind of put the fear of, fear of God and his or the fear of dad, if you want to say, but, and he was from, my father was actually from the Middle East himself.

8:20And so he, you know, was, you know, with his having two daughters, my brother was the oldest, having a son and two daughters, he, you know, he'd always just worn us about, you know, life and things like that. So when he passed at 15 and mom remarried, you know, like I said, it threw us into a whole different family dynamics and I think it, it made me anxious about life for some reason. I think it caused me because things were so different with my dad being gone and having a stepfather and, and then two step sisters came into the picture as well. Yeah, it made, it made me want to just, again, sprout my wings and fly. And I wasn't, I wasn't as ready as I would have, I should have been. And so it made me anxious, it made me too anxious, it made me want to get my hurry for life. Want, it made me want to grow up faster than probably I was supposed to, you know, and

9:21so therefore I don't think that I made very good choices at my young age and mainly out of just always wanted to be older. I always, you know, when you're, when you're 15, you can't wait till you're 16 or whatever to get your license to drive. And then when you're that age, you can't wait till you're this age to, so you're always, I was always rushing through life. And yeah, I don't think that was a good thing because I think that things can be meant to be, but sometimes the timing factor is what's so important in all of it. So okay, so you're saying the timing factor is the big thing that you learned about how you wish you have been more present. And so I'm curious, just looking back at your experience and now living in olds where you're near so many young women all the time who are in this phase of life, what do you, what, what have you learned through your experiences that you would now wish that you could impress upon other 19, 20 year olds, like we're walking through that same phase of life, all granted,

10:25however, like it is a different phase of life. We're in college here. I'm not married. None of my, my close friends are married, so it is different, but still just as young women, what, what would you advise, I suppose? Well, don't be anxious about life. Don't always be in a hurry to get to the next phase in life, you know, like if you're single, and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with getting married at 18 or 19, there's not. But again, it's not an age thing, it's a life thing and it's, you've got to be, you know, you've got to be ready. It hits a timing factor emotionally. And if you're not ready for certain events in your life, it may not go well for you. And so my thing would be to not be anxious or in a hurry about life, to get from one level to the next, my, my thought on that is don't speed through life, slow down and enjoy the journey. And so many of us don't do that.

11:26We don't slow down and enjoy the journey. Well, I think this brings up a good point though, which is just that, I don't know, I think I think everyone has the illusion that once they reach the next phase or whenever, they'll be able to make better decisions or able to just be a more elevated version of themselves. And I think it's so true though that we, we do make mistakes through every phase and your, your things that you're talking about that you wish you, you would have done differently if you could go back. We all are going to have those. I mean, I know my friends and I, we're making some of them right now that we will look back on and probably think that that was not the best decision we could have made. When I reflect back on my life, I will be able to see areas where I wish I had acted differently, just the same as, as you're saying here. So how do you advise practically getting on the front end of that and living the best life you can in foresight instead of hindsight?

12:30Well, I, during that time, you know, I've always had a background in history of church and, you know, serving God and knowing about the things of Lord and reading my Bible and things like that. And I did go to church. I took my son and I was active in the church that I, you know, went to and even growing up as a child, I was active in church. Started singing in church when I was very young, actually, probably nine or ten. And not that I, by any means, was a professional singer, but I just liked to open my mouth and worship the Lord, you know, and that's really what I did, and so. But, you know, I love the Lord, but I don't think that my relationship with God was as strong as it needed to be. So if I have any regret, if I have any thought on that, it would be that I wished I would have been more intentional, even though I went through the motions.

13:30I went to church. I did pray. I read my Bible. I did everything that looked right, but I don't think I had the strong relationship that I needed personally with the Lord and my intentionality of my devotions with Him, you know. So yeah, I think that I would do that differently. I would be more intentional with my faith and paying more attention to what the Word of God was really saying to me on a personal level. Yeah. And I do believe that God speaks to us very vividly through His written Word, and I wasn't paying a lot of attention to that. Yeah. I think that if I could do that over, that's probably the thing I would most focus on. Yeah. You know, that's so interesting because I've interviewed several women on this podcast now. And the common theme I have been hearing, and I mean, it's not a surprise, I suppose,

14:30but it's just been trust because you really can't control where your life is going to go and focus on God because that's what you can control, and that's the only way that you can look back without regret is to know that no matter what the outcome of your decisions are, if they were made with a heart seeking after God, then you can have confidence in that in hindsight. No, I think that's so good. So I'm curious, do you have like a specific piece of scripture or just a quote or something in general that you hold on to where that has been inspirational to you? Yeah, I do, actually, virtue is the thought that I think of a lot. The word virtue from a biblical definition means moral excellence. So second Peter 1, chapter 1, verse 5 through 7, and I'm not going to read it, but just for scripture reference, if anyone wants to look it up, it talks about, you know, having

15:32faith and with faith virtue, and then it goes on down through the line, and it tells us, you know, the things that we should possess, and then of course, Philippians 4 and 8 tells you to think on these things, you know, it talks about if there be any, you know, thing kind of whatever things are lovely and pure, a good rapport, if there be any praise, if there be any virtue, think on these things. So those are some of my favorite scriptures. And of course, as women, you know, Proverbs gives us very good advice and direction, and Proverbs 31 and 10 about, you know, virtuous women. And so I think that for young women in life, before they even get married, I think they should read Proverbs 31, and they should probably read it over and over and over and over until they get it good in their spirit so that they know what, first and foremost, God expects of them as women, and then what, you know, their potential husband or their children will

16:39expect of them as women, you know, so, yeah, so I think that in the scripture it talks about, you know, that who can find a virtuous woman in verse 10, and the word virtuous woman there means wife of valor, and I thought about that, and I either, you know, like in your foot notes, it gives you a definition of the word, and I thought about that wife of valor, and I thought, boy, that's a strong word. Well, valor, what does it mean? It means strength. And so actually women are really supposed to be very strong people, and I don't mean physically, but God made us different than men have the, you know, they have the physical strength, but God made us to be very strong people. So yeah, I like that a lot. And I have a poem that, and I'm not really sure, I tried to look it up to see who wrote it, but it never gave me a clear direction on that, but I'm going to just quote it real

17:39quick here. Yeah, please do. Virtues the chiefest beauty of the mind, the nobelist ornament of humankind. Virtues our safeguard and our guiding star that stirs up reason when our senses air. And I really like that. And the only thing I could find was that back around in the 1800s that they used this passage or poem to teach young girls in school, they would have to learn this, and then they actually taught them how to stitch it, or, you know, on like fabric. So I thought that was kind of neat. I don't, again, I don't know where it stemmed from because it never did make it clear, but I thought about that where it says virtues are safeguard and our guiding star. And the Bible refers to Jesus as our day star. So again, it points us back to the Lord, and that is where our strength in itself will lie is in the Lord and our relationship with him. I love that. I like that very much. And I like that part at the end, too, where it says, you can fall back on virtue when

18:40your senses air. I think that's, that's really powerful. I think that makes a lot of sense. Yeah. So you cultivate your relationship with God, you cultivate virtue, and then you are in a position where you're able to be strong when it comes time to make decisions. That's wonderful. Thank you for sharing that. We are getting close to time. So I'm just going to ask you one more question. And it is, okay, when you just look throughout your life, because, okay, so you're at a point now where you're able to look back and you can see several, several decades, even of ways that God was working, God was working in your life. And so my friends and I, we are on the cusp of stepping into adulthood. Well, technically we are adults, but you know, and just looking forward, it's impossible to tell where God will take our lives. So I'm curious when, as you just reflect, what is just in what ways can you see the beauty of God working things for good and for his glory in your good and just stringing together,

19:44what things and beautiful things? Well, the one thing I will say and give God all the glory is for the years that He's given me. I'm, you know, I'm not super old, but I'm not young anymore either. I think David, a bold said it, I have been young and now I'm old, but I've never seen the righteous forsaken nor a seed begging for bread. So I can use David's words and say the same for my life. God has never failed me. Your perspective changes so drastically from when you're young to when you get older. Hindsight really is 2020. I think it's in Philippians also. I think maybe it may be chapter four, it might be two, I get my scriptures and next up, but you know, he tells us not to be anxious for anything, you know, be careful for nothing, it's put like that in the King James Version. But by prayer and supplication, make your request known unto God. So my best advice to anyone is consult your maker.

20:46Your very breath that you breathe every day comes from him and he knows better than anyone, the direction for our life. And again, another quote, again, proverbs, I think it's in proverbs and it's, you know, keep your heart with all diligence for out of it or the issues of life. And the only way you can do that is consulting with God on a daily basis and having a relationship with him. So that is to me the most, the strongest and the best advice I could give anyone. And I'm learning that every day of my life, even at my age, that the relationship with Christ and his word is so, I mean, it's just survival. It's just and it's the only way we'll overcome. And so yeah, that would be it. Well, that's wonderful. Thank you so, so much for your time today. This has been such an encouragement to me. Truly, thank you. You're welcome. It's been wonderful having you. Our guest today has been Ava Ramuni, aka Mama A from Old Storm.

21:49And I'm Grace Novak from the Libden Learn Podcast on Radio Free Hills, don't 101.7