Lessons from Pain

If you've ever felt betrayed by the world, only to discover what a self-help book could have taught you?  Some wounds bring you to your knees and sometimes no one help can help.  You have to pick yourself back up.  

While I've had many rites-of-passage moments in my life, they were simply practice for the latest.  And there is no bad guy in this story.  Only teachers and students.  And what ever you call those who refuse to learn from the pain.

James Fadiman, who popularized microdosing psychedelic mushrooms, wrote a book called the symphony of selves, referring to the concept that we have more than one voice speaking to us within.  Some of those voices test us to see how much we value ourselves.  Will we stick up for our boundaries?  If not, who will bare the worst of it?

People in this world are hurt and when we cannot hold that pain alone, we project it and hope someone will come to our aid.  But a particular kind of hurt that I experienced a few years back made me reconsider everything I believe.   

The deeper I reconsidered my reality, the more I came to realize that there are no other voices outside my head.  Just me in disguise.  In this video I speak of what I noticed while I went through my healing process.

I learned that it was the little boy in me that needed to become a man that was hurt, scared, offended and lost.  

As with a cymatic pattern in the sand created by a simple frequency, the phase it must enter in order to evolve into its next pattern is chaos.   And chaos was the new normal in the dark void I found myself in just after the pain set in.  I was drowning in the pain and resistance was futile.

But just like the Celine Cairo song expresses so beautifully, "I found a light" down on the bottom of the sea, and I took it with me.  The answer was not to avoid the pain.  It was to drown in it and put the old self to rest.  

Something beautiful arose and I hope I express it well enough for you to see yourself in it.