Laser Stories (3/27/26)

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2:00Visit BotoxCronicMigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX. Some people like working twice as hard, just to stay right where they are. And in Ohio, we really don't get it, because to us, owning a home in your thirties, working in tech without the traffic, and still being able to make it to your kids' soccer game, sounds pretty good. In fact, Ohio is the second most affordable state to buy a home. Your move, learn more at yourmoveohio.com. Ryan Reynolds here from InMobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities, so do like I did, and have one of your assistance assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at MintMobile.com slash switch. Up front payment of $45 for three-month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only,

3:01then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra, default terms at MintMobile.com. It's the radio segment that came out with a new sound effect machine for bed, but instead of whale noises or waves crashing, it plays famous celebrities swearing at you while you're still awake. I love it! Said it to Gordon Ramsay Kitchen Nightmares Edition and let him shame you to sleep. You pathetic, driveling insomniac. I've seen crackheads doze off faster. It's laser stories. The segment where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does. Except we've got a laser. Those other snooze losers just don't. This first laser story is out of Washington States. There's a man named Donald Parks, who's just been arrested for the 98th time. Woo-hoo! Geez, why do they let him out? It's not a world record. What do you think it is? You know? Do you get some sort of plaque when you reach your 100th arrest?

4:03I mean, it's like YouTube. They give you some kind of like low. Yeah, it's not like that. If he's like under 98, it's more than once a year. Yeah, it gets arrested. It's his own tradition. Regardless, this time he let officers on a high-speed chase, after stealing thousands of dollars worth of merchandise from several stores. Ain't nobody got time for that! This has never worked out for you before. Yeah, he gets out and does it again. Like, oh my god. You gotta love a guy that doesn't give up, though. The cops had to call off the chase due to the extremely reckless behavior he was exhibiting on the roads. Oh, fucking. But track Donald down a little while later and apprehended him. What? Just have his own like cell. Yeah, like the all the other 97 times. The police found a bunch of stolen merchandise and drugs while searching his truck. And get this. They also found a custom bon device actually built into the dash. So you could comfortably smoke drugs while driving. I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen.

5:04That's not cool. Donald is a four-time convicted felon. He has 27 misdemeanor convictions across those 97 prior arrests. You're right, Jose. They should have like some sort of Marriott rewards type of thing for the jail system. Like he'd be a platinum member. He's a platinum member for you. He's now facing charges of DUI, eluding police, and possession of narcotics. He just walks in. Hey, Sarah. Yeah, I can see you guys. How you doing? Oh, man, this is elegant. Yeah. This next laser story is out of the friendly skies. If you've ever been lucky enough to score an entire row to yourself on a flight, then you'll definitely appreciate this. United just announced an upcoming new perk called United Relax Row, where you can book an entire row of three seats to turn into a couch. Oh, yeah! I saw these pictures of this. It's like the footrest comes up and makes the whole thing like a flat bed. That's amazing.

6:04So amazing. Yeah, you can raise up those adjustable legrests so that you can convert the roads to a bed or some sort of couch-like surface for a cozy stretching outside. I remember the first time I saw someone laying across all three rows. I was like, we can do that! Yes! And then it'll kick you out. And it's not just that. They'll even give you a mattress pad, a blanket, and two pillows. Plus, if you're traveling with kids, they'll toss in a plushie as well. Oh! I can see Brooke doing this with her whole family in one row. Michael and the kids, all pile up. Oh, we always try to get the bulkhead in economy whenever we fly, just because then you can have a little more space. Kids can lay on the floor, which is not safe, but it's kind of like the seatbelt rules my mom had in the 80s, so. Kids are laying in the aisle. Yeah. But the thing is, you can't get it yet. Oh, yeah. United Bilax Ro will be available starting next year on select flights. Each plane will have up to 12 of these brand-new rows available. How much more are they going to charge us per seat? Yeah, it's going to be like first class. No word on how much it's going to cost,

7:05although let's be honest, you know it's not going to be cheap. And they also haven't said how the booking will work if they'll make seats in these rows available individually, or if they're going to sell them as a unit. That'd be so good. You have a partner, you and your husband, and then somebody's in the middle row. Yeah. In the middle of me. You got to put your legs over my lap. Yeah, I guess so. We're all struggling. We will keep you updated on more details as they come. Cool. This next laser story is out of movie mayhem. It's a funny gimmick to watch the movie Jaws while floating in a pool or at a water park. Yeah, I've seen that. But Volente Beach Resort and Lake Travis, Texas has taken that experience to an entirely new level. Uh-oh. Because people can buy tickets to the event called Jaws on the water. What? Hey. You're given an inner tube to float in the middle of a dark lake water while watching on a massive screen. All right. But the catch, at any point, you could be dragged under the surface. What? No way.

8:06Hot. They're company. Did I get real sharks today? Come on. Not sharks, but they did hire divers to swim around during the film and scare viewers. While at some points, you might just feel a thin nick the bottom of your feet at the most intense part of the movie, the divers will grab your legs and pull you under. Oh my god. There are five. Are you sure of shark fins on the divers? Are you disappointed if you're the person who doesn't get pulled under? Like, I was waiting for that. Or you're finally about to kiss her and then they pull you? Oh. The tickets are 35 bucks and sold out in literally seconds. Wow. So why such a high demand? Psychologists call this controlled extreme. A way to pretend to experience death in order to reset your accumulated anxiety. Oh, that's where we are with anxiety on society. Let's fake die. After the movie, patrons say they've never felt more alive. Hey. Though many on social media argue you couldn't pay them enough to attend. One person said, if I was invited,

9:06the water would be a whole lot browner by the end of the show. Oh. I'd just be holding on for dear life the whole time. Was it would be crying? Yeah. Don't get me. Don't get me. Let's go to your final laser story out of trend town. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo. What do you think of this trend? Some couples are passing on expensive engagement rings in opting to spend the money on a vacation instead. Oh, yeah. Oh. I love it. I think the engagement ring thing is just a a big marketing ploy. I mean, it was like, yeah, the beers or somebody. All of it. Yeah. It's not even an early honeymoon. It's an engagement moon. Lee. Oh. According to a new report, 65% of Americans say that engagement rings have evolved from a traditional symbol of love into a financial burden. Yeah. Yeah. 26% of Gen Zers would rather pass on a pricey ring and just use the cash to go on a trip together. And 25% of those people say they'd just get matching tattoos instead. Even tattooed rings. Okay.

10:06Let's not do that until after you've been married a while. I'm saying. I was supposed to know that you're engaged to someone. Why do you have to broadcast it to everybody? I don't know. You can put I have an engagement ring that was a ring my mother and law made. And you said such kind things about I loved it. And I still have it. I just don't wear that much because it's long story. But but you love it. Yeah, I can't wear it with my wedding band. I guess not like that traditional that goes together. Yeah. So there's some new options coming down the pike about half of younger Americans say they feel more pressure from social media and from society to get an expensive engagement ring rather than from their own family or their partner. My mom. You see celebrities that have like houses on their fingers. Yeah. Yeah. And then you see them get robbed. Last for this guy, he's a traditionalist. Not only did he meet with the father of a pink sketcher to ask permission first, but he also showed him the tongue ring that he wants to put on her. The tongue ring. Yeah. It's very sweet.

11:06And that's how means laser stories has come to an end for the day. We'll do it again same time on Monday. All cat parents understand the feeling of being totally ignored by your cat. And often thinking, does my cat even love me? There's only one solution to solve that. Shiba. Feature cat Shiba and go from feeling ignored to truly adored in 12 days guaranteed or your money back. Shiba has a menu of products, appetizers, entrees, treats, and even a kitten's menu. So Shiba has a product for even the pickiest eater. Like Shiba Puree, made with bone broth, a smooth and creamy texture that cats love, or Shiba grilled. Protein rich formula made with real chicken and seafood. To learn more, check out Shiba.com. Spring is in the air. And a leaves long lasting pain relief is here to keep you moving. Yeah, the days are longer and the flowers are blooming, whether it's gardening, yard work, or just spending more time outdoors, spring has a way of getting us moving despite any body pain. That's where a leave can keep you going. With just one dose, a leave gives you long-lasting body pain relief for up to 12 hours. From sun up to sundown,

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